THE OFFICE: AN AMERICAN WORKPLACE
2X20 - DRUG TESTING
Original Airdate (NBC): 27/APR/2006

WRITTEN BY JENNIFER CELOTTA
DIRECTED BY GREG DANIELS
TRANSCRIBED BY NIKKI FOR "TWIZ TV.COM"
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DISCLAIMER:
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The following is not a novelization or an actual script but a dry transcript of the aired episode that includes accurate word-to-word dialogues, settings descriptions, action scenes and/or camera movements where the transcriber felt they were necessary. This transcript is posted on "TWIZ TV.COM" in world wide web exclusivity by courtesy of NIKKI.
I do not own the characters in the story (if only). "THE OFFICE" and other related entities are owned, (TM) and © by REVEILLE PRODUCTIONS and NBC UNIVERSAL TELEVISION. This transcript is posted here without their permission, approval, authorization or endorsement. Any reproduction, duplication, distribution or display of this material in any form or by any means is expressly prohibited. It is absolutely forbidden to use it for commercial gain. For entertainment and educational purposes only. No infringement intended.
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TRANSCRIPT:
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Guest Star: Nancy Walls (Carol), Angela Kinsey (Angela), Steve Carell (Michael Scott), Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute), Phyllis Smith (Phyllis), Oscar Nunez (Oscar), Leslie David Baker (Stanley), Kate Flannery (Meredith), John Krasinski (Jim Halpert), Jenna Fischer (Pam Beesly), Brian Baumgartner (Kevin), B.J. Novak (Ryan Howard)


INT. THE OFFICE

(The camera shows Kevin eating a doughnut)

Dwight: Kevin Malone, you're next. Spit that out.

(Kevin looks at his doughnut, then hurriedly stuffs the last bite into his mouth)

Dwight: Spit- Okay, come on. Let's go.

(The camera pans around to show Dwight at the conference room door in his Volunteer Sheriffs Deputy uniform)

Jim: You look cute today, Dwight.

Dwight: Thanks, girl.

(Dwight closes the door)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM

Jim: So, yesterday, Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot.

CUT TO THE PARKING LOT

(The camera shows the half smoked joint)

(Dwight has outlined it in chalk and is placing orange cones around it)

Jim: (VO) Which is unfortunate, because, as it turns out, Dwight finding a drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs.

CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM

(Dwight is sitting across the table from Kevin)

Dwight: Let's go over some of the symptoms of marijuana use. Shall we? You tell me who this sounds like. Slow moving.

(Kevin nods)

Dwight: Inattentive. Dull. Constantly snacking.

(Kevin tries to think)

Dwight: Shows a lack of motivation.

(Kevin continues to nod, then realizes...)

Kevin: (slowly) Hey.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT

Dwight: I like the people I work with, generally. With four exceptions. But someone committed a crime. And I did not become a Lackawanna County Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven't.

CUT TO INTRO WITH CREDITS

INT. THE BREAK ROOM

Jim: (in a Stanley voice) I enjoy the tangy zip, of Miracle Whip.

(Pam cracks up, Jim smiles at the camera)

Pam: (VO) Jim does the best impressions.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: Sometimes he'll look up at me from his desk and he'll just be someone else. Like, he'll go, um... (Pam looks up sadly, then silently giggles) (No response from the camera guys) That's supposed to be Phyllis. I can't do it as good as he can.

CUT TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM

(Kelly is now sitting across from Dwight)

Kelly: And the guys are saying, "Chug chug chug."

(Dwight sighs)

Kelly: But I'm so small and all I'd eaten that day was one of those Auntie Annes's pretzels from the food court.

(Dwight looks at the camera and slowly shakes his head)

Kelly: So I said, "Is it okay if I sip it?" And they said no. But Ryan seemed cool either way.

(Dwight can't stand it anymore and slams the table)

Dwight: Stop! This is no Kelly Kapour story hour. Illegal drugs were consumed on company property okay? Your ass is on the line, Mister! My ass is on the line! Now, I'm going to ask you again. What time did you go home last night?

Kelly: 6:00.

(Dwight and Kelly walk out of the conference room)

(Dwight walks over to Ryan's desk)

Dwight: I didn't know you were at a party on Saturday night.

Ryan: I go to a lot of parties.

Dwight: Okay, I'm gonna need to search your car. Give me your keys.

Ryan: I am not giving you my keys.

Dwight: Don't make me do this the hard way.

Ryan: What's the hard way?

Dwight: I go down to the police station on my lunch break. I tell a police officer...I know several. What I may suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant. Once he has said warrant, he will drive over here and make you give him the keys to your car. And you will have to obey him.

Ryan: (with a slight smile) Yeah, let's do it that way.

Michael: Ryan, is he bugging you? Dwight, dude, you gotta take a chill pill, man. It was one joint in the parking lot, you know? You're-you're totally harshing the office mellow.

Dwight: I can't stop this investigation. It is my job.

Jim: Whoa, you are a volunteer.

Dwight: I volunteered for this job.

Jim: And that's not the same.

Dwight: It is my duty-

Jim: Volunteer duty.

Dwight: To investigate the crime scene. I have six more interviews to go, and then I will reveal what I know.

Michael: (coughs) Narc!

(Kevin laughs)

Dwight: If you are attempting to compliment me, then you have done a very good job.

Michael: I wasn't attempting to compliment you.

Dwight: Well, you have.

Michael: Ah, well...

Dwight: Because being a narc is one of the hardest jobs that you can have.

Michael: Okay.

Dwight: And I am very proud of being a narc.

Michael: Why don't you just cool it?

Dwight: So...

Michael: Cool it, Dwight, please? God.

(Michael starts walking back to his office, then stops at Jim's desk)

Michael: (in a stoner voice) Dude, where's my office? I totally lost it. 'Cause I was half-baked! Smoking doobies! Doobie Brothers. I was smoking doobies with my brothers. Peace out Seacrest!

(beat)

Jim: Well, your office is behind you.

Michael: Thanks. (in the stoner voice again) Mmmunchies. Who wants some munchies?

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF RYAN

Ryan: I don't think Michael's ever done drugs. I don't know if anyone's ever offered him any.

CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM

(The camera is filming Oscar through the blinds)

Dwight: (OS) Oscar visited Mexico when he was five to attend his great grandmother's funeral. What does that mean to the United States law enforcement officer? (the camera zooms out) He'a a potential drug mule.

CUT TO LATER

(Oscar is sitting across from Dwight at the conference table)

Dwight: Have you ever taken any illegal drugs?

Oscar: No, I have not.

Dwight: Do you think it's possible that maybe you could have had some drugs in your system without you knowing about it?

Oscar: What are you implying?

Dwight: Have you ever...pooped...a balloon?

Oscar: Okay, I'm done with this.

(Oscar gets up and leaves)

(Dwight looks smugly at the camera)

Dwight: He sure left in a hurry.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT

Dwight: I don't want to blow this.

CUT TO THE PARKING LOT

(Dwight is checking the distance from the front of the building to the joint with string)

Dwight: (VO) This is what all good law enforcement officers dream of.

(Dwight is re-enacting the scene of the crime)

Dwight: (VO) The chance to solve an actual crime.

CUT TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM

(Dwight slides a photo of marijuana across the table)

Dwight: Do you know what this is?

Phyllis: Yes, it's marijuana.

Dwight: How do you know that?

Phyllis: It's labeled.

(Dwight snatches the picture back)

Dwight: Dammit.

CUT TO LATER IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM

(Creed has on his reading glasses and is looking at the marijuana picture)

Creed: That, is Northern Lights Cannabis Indica.

Dwight: (sighs) No. (disappointed) It's marijuana.

CUT TO LATER AGAIN IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM

Jim: I'm just saying that you can't be sure that it wasn't you.

Dwight: That's ridiculous, of course it wasn't me.

Jim: Marijuana is a memory loss drug. So maybe you just don't remember.

Dwight: I would remember.

Jim: Well, how could you if it just erased your memory?

Dwight: That's not how it works.

Jim: Now, how do you know how it works?

Dwight: (a bit confused) Knock it off, okay. Now I'm interviewing you.

Jim: (in a forceful voice) No, you said that I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here. Now, exactly how much pot did you smoke?!

(Dwight looks at him shocked)

CUT TO THE KITCHEN AREA

Oscar: (to Jim) So, Pam told me you do a great Stanley impression. I'd love to hear it.

Jim: Oh, um...

(Pam giggles)

Jim: (as Stanley) Why do you keep CC'ing me on things that have nothing to do with me?

(Pam and Oscar laugh)

Oscar: Oh.

(Oscar takes off as Stanley walks out of the bathroom)

Stanley: Is that supposed to be me?

Jim: Oh, hey, Stanley. Uh, I was just doing an impression.

Stanley: I do not think that is funny.

Pam: He does everyone in the office.

Stanley: Hmm.

(Stanley leaves the kitchen)

(After Stanley leaves, Pam and Jim look at each other)

Pam and Jim: (both as Stanley) I do not think that is funny.

Pam: Jinx, buy me a coke.

Jim: Oh-

Pam: No no no. No talking.

(Jim concedes and starts walking to the break room)

Pam: (to camera) Jim is not allowed to talk until after he buys me a coke. Those are the rules of Jinx.  And they are unflinchingly rigid.

(Pam skips to the break room)

(Jim is putting coins in the vending machine, playfully bows to Pam)

(He pushes the button and...)

Pam: Sold out! That has never happened in the history of Jinx!

(Jim mouths, "Come on.")

Pam: Sorry, that's not my problem.

(Pam smiles as she leaves)

(Jim is dumbfounded and tries to push the button again)

(Jim looks at the camera, "Now what?")

CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM

(Angela is sitting at the table)

Dwight: I know you're innocent. But I can't look like I'm treating you any differently.

Angela: I understand.

(Dwight slaps the table)

Dwight: Where were you yesterday after work?

(Angela gets a small, suggestive smile on her face)

CUT TO LATER IN THE OFFICE

(Dwight is on the phone)

Michael: Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Who's he calling? Rattin' somebody out. Narc. Narc! Kevin.

Kevin: (laughs) That is so good, Michael.

Michael: Remember the narc bit? (laughs)

Dwight: (on phone) Okay, I will let them know.

Michael: Uh oh. Who's in trouble?

Dwight: Attention everyone. Drug testers are coming in a couple hours to test everyone's urine.

Michael: Wha...what? What are you talking about?

Dwight: Company policy. If drugs are found on the premises, there is automatic drug testing conducted within 24 hours.

Oscar: Is that true, Toby?

Toby: Uh, when you sign your job application you agree to comply with random drug testing.

(Michael looks scared)

Michael: (VO) Two nights ago, I went to an Alicia Keys concert...

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: ...at the Montage Mountain Performing Arts Center. I had scored these great aisle seats. Anyway, after the opening act, this beautiful girl sits down next to me. And I never get to meet girls with lip rings. And she had one. I don't know exatcly how this happened, but one of her friends started passing around some stuff. And they said that it was clove cigarettes. And I'm sure that it was clove cigarettes. Everybody in the aisle was doing it.

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE

Michael: Okay, attention, everyone. The drug testing has been cancelled. Instead I will be going around to each of you and doing a visual inspection.

Dwight: No, you can't do that.

Michael: I can do that. It is my office.

Dwight: No, you cannot. It has to be official. And it HAS to be urine.

(Meredith has a sour look on her face)

Michael: Uh...all right.

(Michael walks back to his office)

(Dwight gives the camera a look of superiority)

CUT TO LATER IN THE OFFICE

(Dwight is standing by the accounting area with his notepad)

Dwight: Kevin, what prescription drugs are you taking besides Rogaine?

Kevin: I'm not taking Rogaine.

Dwight: Angela, what about you?

Angela: I don't take any prescription drugs.

Dwight: You're not...on...anything?

(Angela gives Dwight a looks that says, "Come on, you know me better than that.")

Dwight: (relieved) Good.

(Oscar and Kevin glance between Dwight and Angela confused)

CUT TO THE BREAKROOM

(Jim is standing quiet in the corner while Kelly is talking to him)

Kelly: SO, the first time we went out to dinner, it was like, whatever, fine. But I was so nervous. So this time I want it to be special. So, I bought a new dress! One of those kinds that's kind of low cut at the top to show some things, but not everything. I mean, not everything, Jim. I promise, I'm not a-

Pam: Hey guys, what's going on?

Kelly: Oh, we're just having the best conversation.

(Jim looks at Pam with a scared/pleading expression that says, "NO we're not.")

Pam: Oh, okay, well, Michael wants to see everyone in the conference room.

(Jim looks relieved)

Pam: But you know what? We have a few minutes. So you guys should definitely finish up your conversation.

Kelly: Cool, thanks.

(Jim looks at Pam, "Thanks a lot, Beesly.")

(Pam smiles at Jim and leaves)

Kelly: So, I was looking so hot...

CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM

Michael: It has come to my attention, that some people here think the use of drugs (looks at camera) is something to laugh about.

Phyllis: We don't feel that way.

Angela: No, not at all.

Oscar: You were the one joking around calling Dwight a narc.

Michael: No. Uh, no. That was a test. I was testing you. And you all failed. Miserably. When I said that Dwight was a narc, how many of you defended him? How many of you said, "Hey, you know what? He's right. What he's doing is protecting this office from the evils of drugs"?

Dwight: (choking up) Thank you, Michael.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: I am ridiculously anti-drug. I am so anti-drug that I am above suspicion in any way that involves suspicion...or testing of any kind.

CUT BACK TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM

Michael: Drugs ruin lives, people. Drugs destroy careers. Take Cheech and Chong. Everybody knows that Cheech and Chong are funny. But just imagine how funny they would be if they didn't smoke pot. (Angela gives Michael a puzzled look) I want everybody to take a look to their left.

(Everybody looks to their left)

Michael: Now I want everybody to take a look to their right.

(Everybody looks to their right)

Michael: One of those people will be dead from drug use at some point in their lives. This year, more people will use cocaine than will read a book to their children.

Stanley: Where did you get these facts?

Michael: Are these facts scaring you? Or are they not?

Stanley: They are not.

Michael: Do you think that smoking drugs is cool? Do you think that doing alcohol is cool?

Stanley: No, I don't. I have about a glass of red wine with dinner about once a week. For the antioxidants.

(Everybody starts agreeing with each other)

Michael: Okay, enough. Enough. Enough! (walks to his flip chart) I have written down a list of illegal drugs.

(The list reads, "Crack, Cocaine, Pot, Blow, Acid, Hookah, Heroine (misspelled), Speed")

Michael: Take a gander. How many of these are you familiar with?

Toby: Hookah is not an illegal drug, Michael.

Michael: Yes, it is.

Toby: No, it's not. It's a type of pipe. You can fill it with tobacco, often mixed with fruit, or flavored...

Michael: Okay, you know what, Toby? Pam, could you take this down?

(Pam looks at the camera and holds up her hands to show her empty lap and the absurdity of Michaels request)

Michael: In addition to Toby's urine being tested, I would like to test his blood and his hair.

Toby: You can't do that.

Michael: I can test anyone randomly. And I have chosen you, randomly.

Toby: That's not random.

Michael: Okay. Eenie, meanie, miney...(points at Toby)...moe. Is random. Okay, you know what? I'm gonna need a volunteer to select one of these words. And tell us of something...tragic that happened in either their lives or the lives of a loved one.

(Pam raises her hand)

Michael: Yeah, Pam.

Pam: I know that Jim has an amazing story about a relative of his who got caught up in the world of drugs.

(Jim shakes his head)

Michael: (OS) Really?

Pam: Um-hmm.

Michael: (OS) Jim, it's okay.

(Jim looks at Pam, "You're gonna pay for that.")

Michael: You can...

(Pam tries not to smile at him, motions him with her head)

Michael: This would be a good place to let it out, Jim. These are people you can trust. These are people who care about you. It's okay. Just- we will not judge you. We are here to not judge you. (Jim stands up) Oh, he's doing it, okay.

(Jim looks at Pam one more time and stands quietly)

(Nods his head as though gathering his thoughts and courage)

(Everybody, especially Angela, looks at Jim with concern)

Michael: (whispering) It's okay.

(Jim opens his mouth to say something, then closes it and shakes his head)

(Grabs the bridge of his nose and mouths, "I can't.")

(Grabs his nose again and sits down, mouthing, "Sorry.")

(Jim sits with his head down, Kevin pats him on the shoulder)

Michael: Oh. Okay, you sure? That looked like it was going to be good. All right. Okay, well...

(Pam looks at Jim with admiration that he pulled it off)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: Wow! He really pulled out the big guns. Fake crying. Did not expect that.

CUT BACK TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM

Michael: The point I'm trying to make with all of this, people, is that I hate drugs. I hate them. And based upon what I have seen, you all don't quite hate 'em as much as I do. So you are going to have a drug test. And I am not.

Dwight: No, you will be tested.

Michael: Yes, I- no, will not be.

Dwight: You WILL be. That is the law according to the rules.

Michael: Okay. Well, Dwight, just know...that I've been very busy today. And I've got a lot of work to do. And I wasn't planning on going to the bathroom. And I don't even know if anything's gonna come out, okay? So, good. Thank you.

CUT TO THE BREAKROOM

(Linda, the urologist is setting up)

Dwight: Hi, Linda. Dwight Schrute. Assistant Regional Manager. (Michael watches in the background) You might remember testing my urine a few years back when I was applying to be a Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy.

Linda: We test a lot of urine.

Dwight: (proudly) Mine was green.

Linda: Oh, right. How are you?

Dwight: I'm all better.

CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE

(Dwight is sitting across from Michael)

Michael: So, I need you to do some work on the St. Andrew's account. I need your urine. I need some filing done...

Dwight: What kind of filing?

Michael: That- just forget it. Just the urine.

Dwight: That goes directly to the tester.

Michael: Just... (sits down and motions to Dwight to come closer) I need your urine.

Dwight: Like in a cup?

Michael: Yes, in a cup. We're not animals, Dwight.

Dwight: For what purpose?

Michael: It's none of your business.

Dwight: Then I refuse.

Michael: Okay, all right. Just...I went to an Alicia Keys concert. Over the weekend. And I think that I may have gotten high accidentally by a girl with a lip ring.

Dwight: Are you serious?

Michael: I need clean urine for the lady.

Dwight: But that's illegal.

Michael: Don't think of it that way. It's like...urine goes all over the place, you know? There's no controlling it. It just-

Dwight: Not my urine.

Michael: A cup could find its way under the urine. It might be an accident.

Dwight: Were you forced to do drugs at this concert?

Michael: Just-

Dwight: Is something wrong?

Michael: Just- look, just...(puts and empty coffee cup next to Dwight)...just fill up the cup.

(Dwight looks at the cup)

CUT TO THE KITCHEN

(Dwight is chugging a bottle of water, Angela watches)

Angela: Do you want to give Michael your urine?

Michael: I want him to have all the urine he needs.

Angela: You're not gonna get my permission on this.

Dwight: I know that. Don't you think I know that?

(Dwight leaves the kitchen)

CUT TO THE BREAKROOM

(Ryan is standing in line, Meredith is behind him)

Linda: Yeah, we do testing all over the country.

Ryan: Cool. Hey, are you guys hiring?

Linda: You wanna work at the urinalysis lab?

Ryan: (looks around) Yeah, maybe.

CUT TO THE STAIRWELL

(Dwight is sitting on the floor next to the coffee cup)

(He's groaning and rocking his head)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT

Dwight: My father's name was Dwight Schrute.

CUT TO THE OFFICE AREA

(From afar, the camera films Dwight coming out of the bathroom, carefully holding the coffee cup)

Dwight: (VO) My grandfather's name was Dwight Schrute. His father's name? (walks towards Michael's office) Dwiged Schrued. Amish.

(Dwight stops and starts to turn around, then turns around again)

Dwight: (VO) I loved my father very much. Every morning he'd wake up at dawn and make us biscuits with gravy.

CUT BACK TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT

Dwight: When I was little, my dad and I played a lot of games together.

CUT BACK TO OFFICE AREA

(Dwight finally makes it to Michael's door)

Dwight: (VO) My dad cheated a lot, but I never busted him on it.

(Dwight hands the cup to Michael)

Dwight: (VO) I would have, except I didn't know about it. He didn't tell me 'til years later. I was shocked when I found out.

(Dwight walks away from Michael's door looking very disappointed)

CUT TO THE KITCHEN

(Pam and Jim are sitting at the table)

Pam: What? Did you wanna tell me something? You look like you wanna tell me something.

(Jim makes a face)

Pam: You look like you have something really important to say and you just can't for some reason. (grins)

(Jim scoffs and smiles)

Pam: Come on, you can tell me. Jim, you can tell me anything. (silently laughs)

(Jim smiles at her, then his smile slowly falls as he looks down)

(Pam stops smiling and reacts off his look)

CUT TO THE OFFICE AREA

(Dwight is still lamenting over the coffee cup)

(He looks up and catches Angela looking at him)

(Dwight grabs his hat and jacket and leaves, sadly)

CUT TO SOME AREA OF SCRANTON

(Dwight is in his regular work clothes carrying his uniform over his shoulder)

(He walks up the stairs to a building)

CUT BACK TO THE BREAK ROOM

Kevin: I'd like a magazine.

Linda: We just need urine, sir.

Kevin: I'd still like one.

(Linda looks at Kevin with a bit of shock/disgust)

CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE

(The cameras film from the outside)

Michael: Dwight. Well, I passed the test, thanks to you and your untainted pee. Thank you very much.

Dwight: That's great.

Michael: What's wrong? Where's your costume?

Dwight: It's a uniform. And I turned it in today when I tendered my resignation.

Michael: Why? What-

Dwight: I took an oath when I was sworn in. And I broke that oath today.

(Dwight walks out of the office, slamming the door in Michael's face)

(Michael looks at the door and walks back to his desk)

CUT TO LATER

(Pam walks into the office and straight to Jim's desk)

(She pulls a coke out of her pocket and places it on his desk)

Pam: Here.

(Jim shrugs as if to say, "Yeah, and...?")

Pam: Just buy it from me.

(Jim's face says, "That's an odd request.")

Pam: I haven't talked to you in hours, and it's been weird. And I really wanna know what the hell's going on with Dwight.

(Pam nudges the coke towards Jim)

(Jim smiles and takes out his wallet, he pulls out a dollar and hands it to Pam)

(He then places the coke in front of her)

(Pam picks it up)

Jim: (sweetly) Hi.

Pam: (just as sweet) Hey.

Jim: How much time do you have left on your break?

Pam: (smiling) 10 minutes.

(Jim gets up from his desk and motions to the break room)

CUT TO THE STAIRWELL OF THE OFFICE BUILDING

(Michael and Dwight are making their way down the stairs)

Michael: Since you did such a good job with the investigation I decided to pull a few strings, call in a few favors. (the walk to the door security) And I've decided to make you Official Security Supervisor of the branch.

Dwight: (happy) Really?

Michael: Yes, sir.

Dwight: That's fantastic. 'Cause I've always felt that the security here sucked.

Michael: (to the security guard) So, you wanna...

(The security guard pick up a notepad and starts reading it)

Security guard: "Dwight K. Schrute, I hereby declare you an honorary volunteer corporal in charge of assisting all activity security."

Michael: Good, okay.

(The guard puts down his pad and hands Dwight a toy badge)

Security guard: Here's your badge.

Dwight: Thank you, Michael. Very nice. Great. Can I have a gun?

Security Guard: No. I don't have a gun.

Dwight: Okay. I'll have to bring my bo staff.

Security Guard: I don't think so.

Michael: Don't.

Dwight: Good, thank you, Michael.

(Dwight salutes Michael)

Michael: No...oh...(salutes back)

(At the last minutes the guard weakly salutes too)

Dwight: I need to go over some details with you.

Michael: All right...

Dwight: First of all...

Michael: (to security guard) Thank you.

Dwight: How many orange traffic cones do you have?

Security Guard: Two.

Dwight: Oh...God.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM

Jim: Wow, what a terrible day to not be able to talk.

CUT TO BREAK ROOM

(Jim and Pam are sharing the coke at a table and talking)

Jim: (VO) Dwight was literally carrying around his own urine and dressed like one of the Village People. Why does he do the things that he does for Michael? I just don't get it.

CUT BACK TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM

Jim: What is he getting out of that relationship?

THE END

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Transcribed by NIKKI for http://www.twiztv.com
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