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TRANSCRIPT:
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Guest star: Melora Hardin (Jan Levinson), Mindy Kaling (Kelly), Conan O'Brien (Himself [uncredited]), David Denman (Roy), Creed Bratton (Creed), Craig Anton (New CFO)


INT. THE OFFICE

(Pam is working at her desk)

Pam: (VO) I really like Valentine's Day...

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: ...in this office. It's kind of like grade school...

(Quick cut to Oscar handing out little hearts)

Pam: (VO) ...everybody gives out little presents and stuff.

(Back to Pam)

Pam: Like last year, Jim gave me this card with Dwight's head on it. It was horrifying and funny. And...

CUT TO THE OFFICE AREA

(A delivery guy walks in with a bouquet of roses and sets them on the reception desk)

(Pam gets up and reads the card)

Pam: Phyllis.

Delivery guy: You could just sign here.

(Phyllis gets up from her desk as Pam signs for the flowers)

Pam: (VO) Roy and I are saving for the wedding, so...

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: ...I made him promise not to get me anything too big.

CUT BACK TO RECEPTION

(Phyllis is looking at her card, Meredith leans over to read it)

Meredith: (reading) Happy Valentine's Day, Darling, love Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.

Phyllis: Isn't he sweet?

Meredith: Yeah.

Phyllis: Such a sweetie.

Meredith: Wow. (takes a sip from her cup)

(Jim watches from his desk)

CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE

Michael: All right, Dwight. As you know, I'm heading to New York today (Dwight hands Michael a passport) doing a presentation on the branch to the new CFO. (Dwight hands him his cell phone)

Dwight: And you want me to come with you.

Michael: No. Opposite of that.

Dwight: I will stay here and run things on this end.

Michael: Very good.

Dwight: Question. (Dwight helps Michael put his coat on) Will you be seeing Jan when you're in New York?

Michael: I probably will. Why do you ask?

Dwight: Well, it's Valentine's Day. And you guys, you know...

Michael: Yeah.

(They chuckle)

Dwight: Screwed.

Michael: (stops smiling) What is your problem?

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: This is a business trip. I would have to be a raving lunatic to try to talk to Jan about what happened between us. Her words, not mine. She sent me an e-mail this morning. But, it is Valentine's Day. It's New York, city of love.

CUT TO RECEPTION

(Michael walks out of his office)

Michael: Hey, Pam, you heard NY, right? You want me to pick you up anything?

Pam: That's okay.

Michael: All right.

Oscar: The best present would be, you do a good job in front of the new CFO.

Michael: Dude, I'm going to nail it. Me in New York? Oh, I own that city. (in a bad New York accent) Fuggit abat it!

(Oscar doesn't look impressed)

Michael: (OS) See ya!

CUT TO INTRO WITH CREDITS

INT. MICHAEL'S CAR

Michael: Well, here we go on our way to New York. New York, New York. The city so nice, they named it twice. Manhattan is the other name.

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE

(Pam is working on the guest list at her desk)

Jim: (VO) So, I broke up with Katy and haven't been dating anybody else. So this year, I don't have to worry about Valentine's Day. It's gonna be good. I invited...

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM

Jim: ...a couple of friends over, we're gonna play some cards. And I'll end up winning a lot of money, because, they're idiots. It's gonna be great.

CUT TO JIM AND DWIGHT'S DESK AREA

(Dwight is sitting down when he notices a brown box on his desk)

Dwight: (paranoid) What's this? What is this?

Jim: I don't know. It's on YOUR desk.

Dwight: Yeah, but who put it there? And for what purpose?

Jim: It was there when I sat down.

(Dwight pulls out his pocket knife and slowly starts cutting the tape)

(Jim watches)

(Dwight pulls out a card)

Dwight: (reading) Happy Valentine's Day. (smiles and looks towards Angela)

(Angela is busy filing)

(Dwight looks in the box and pulls out a bobble head that looks similar to him)

Dwight: (smiling) It's me. I'm the bobble head. (shows the camera) Yes!

(Angela looks up from her filing and smiles slightly towards Dwight)

Dwight: (ecstatic) Ah! Yeah.

CUT TO THE STREETS OF NEW YORK

Michael: (to camera) The meeting isn't till 3:00, but I always like to come to New York a little bit early and hit some of my favorite haunts. Like right here is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I'm gonna go get me a New York slice.

(The camera follows him to reveal a Sbarro's pizza)

CUT TO THE KITCHEN AREA

(Jim walks in a picks up his mug)

Jim: Hey, Kelly. What's up?

(Kelly is reading a magazine at the table)

Kelly: Nothing. Oh, except, oh my God, Jim. Last night, Ryan and I totally, finally, hooked up.

Jim: Oh.

Kelly: It was awesome.

Jim: That's great. I'm really happy for-

Kelly: I know. And it was so funny.

Jim: -you. (starts walking away)

Kelly: 'Cause we were at this bar with his friends, and I was sitting next to him the whole night. And he wasn't making a move, so in my head, I was like, "Ryan, what's taking you so long?" (Jim feigns surprise) And then he kissed me. And I didn't know what to say.

Jim: Wow. (tries to leave again)

Kelly: So I said, "Ryan, what took, you so long?" I mean, I just said it to him. Can you believe that?

Jim: Wow. (starts opening the door)

Kelly: Oh my God, Jim. Is that embarrassing? I'm embarrassed.

Jim: No, don't be. No. (starts out the door)

Kelly: Oh, thank God.

Jim: All ri-

Kelly: Because I was nervous, Jim. You will not believe. (is halfway out the door)

Jim: I bet.

Kelly: I was so, so nervous. But now, now I have a boyfriend.

Jim: All right.

(Kelly giggles in delight)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF RYAN

(Has his hands on his head as if pulling his hair)

Ryan: I hooked up with her on February 13th.

(Takes his hands off his head leaving his hair a mess)

CUT BACK TO NEW YORK, TIMES SQUARE

(Michael is walking around the sidewalks of New York)

Michael: Here it is. Heart of New York City. Times Square. Named for all the good times you have when you're in it. Most people when they come to New York, they go straight to the Empire State Building. That's very touristy. I come here. Great places to eat. We have Bubba Gump Shrimp, Red Lobster down there, you know. This is- this is the heart of civilization right here.

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE

(Another flower delivery is placed on Pam's desk)

Kevin: Whoa.

(Pam smiles to Kevin as she gets up to sign for the flowers)

(Her smile falls as she reads the card)

Pam: Oh.

(Pam takes the flowers to Phyllis)

Pam: Guess what?

Phyllis: Really?

Pam: Mm-hmm.

Phyllis: They're from Bob again.

(Walks away quickly)

Pam: That's great.

(Meredith is watching Phyllis in the background sipping from her cup)

CUT BACK TO NEW YORK

(Michael is heading down to the subway)

Michael: Everybody takes the subway in New York. It's fast, it's efficient, gets you there on time. It's a way to- (Michael sees something and quickly heads back up the stairs) Okay, there's a guy pooping in a cardboard box down there.

CUT TO ROCKEFELLER CENTER

Michael: This is the world-famous Rockefeller Center. Founded of course, by Theodore Rockefeller. This is the skating rink. And I think they Rangers, uh, practice there sometimes. And, it's- that's Tina Fey.

(The camera pans around to catch a lady in a black coat walking away)

Michael: That's Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live. (runs up to her) Hello, hello. Hi. Oh, (it's not Tina) I'm s- I'm sorry.

(As Michael is calling after the fake Tina Fey, Conan O'Brian casually walks by the frame, the camera follows him)

Michael: (OS) I thought you were- okay. She looked like- she looked a lot like Tina Fey. (walking in front of the camera) Hello, hello. I thought that was Tina Fey, but it wasn't. So.

(Cut to later, after the camera man obviously told him about Conan)

Michael: Are you serious? He was here? When? When I was talking to the fake Tina Fey? Come on! No, are you s- (mentally kicks himself)

CUT TO THE OFFICE

(Angela is at the copier, Dwight casually walks up reading a file)

Dwight: Hello, Angela. Did you hear? Somebody totally rocked the house and got me the best present I've ever gotten.

Angela: Really? I wouldn't know anything about that. But I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Dwight: Oh, I did. I did.

Angela: I didn't get anything for Valentine's Day.

Dwight: Oh, I bet you will before the day is over.

Angela: Really? Well, I hope I do.

(Angela smiles and walks away)

(Dwight smiles, then gets a scared look on his face, like he forgot something)

CUT BACK TO NEW YORK

(Michael is walking around the streets)

Michael: (VO) I would love to live in New York some day. It's a big dream of mine. Work corporate, with Jan.

(Michael is in a deserted area, obviously lost)

Michael: (VO) It'd be awesome. Go to Broadway shows, eat hotdogs.

(Michael asks a guy for directions)

Michael: (VO) Scranton is great, but New York is like Scranton on acid. No, on speed. Nah. On steroids.

(Michael is still lost)

Michael: (to camera) Okay. Um, I think...that's either the Hudson or the East. So, we're back- should be back this way.

(Michael is now waiting in front of a building)

Michael: (VO) There is a lot of pressure on me right now. It's like Michael Jordan in the NBA finals, or like Stormin' Norman Schwarzkopf. And this presentation in Desert Storm.

(Michael is now in the building)

Michael: And soon as it's over, we will not have to deal with those Iraqis anymore. Let's do it.

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE

(Jim is on the phone)

Jim: No, that's alright. Spend the money on her instead of giving it to us. That's fine. No, I didn't even have a seat for you anyway. Yeah. (laughs) All right, man. Okay, have a good night. Bye. (hangs up)

(Pam looks towards Jim)

CUT TO LATER

(Kevin is at reception, Pam is working, they look up towards the door)

(A guy walks in with a gigantic stuffed teddy bear)

Delivery guy: Whoa, whoa. Phyllis Lapin?

Pam: Holy God.

Delivery Guy: It's from Bob.

(Phyllis laughs and walks over)

Kevin: Man, that thing's bigger than I am.

Delivery Guy: No, it's not.

Kevin: Oh, zip it.

CUT TO THE MEETING IN NEW YORK

(Michael walks into the conference room)

Michael: There they are. What's up?

Josh: Hey.

Michael: Hey, hey.

Josh: Michael Scott. (offers his hand)

Michael: Josh Porter. High five. (Josh obliges) Bam.

Josh: You know Dan Gordon from Buffalo.

Michael: Yeah, how you doing? Nobody needs to introduce this guy. Craigers. Oh.

Craig: What's up, buddy?

Michael: You have been kicked out of every strip club in Albany. Is that true?

(They both laugh)

Craig: Guilty, yeah.

Michael: So what's going on, what did I miss?

Josh: No much. They're, uh, I guess running late upstairs. So we're just waiting for the presentation.

Michael: Cool. Good. Good. Good. Give us some time to catch up and...

(They all stand there silently)

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE

(Dwight walks up to reception)

Dwight: (quietly) Pam, hi. How you doing? Good. Listen, uh, may I speak with you...privately?

Pam: You can't fire me, Dwight. Just 'cause Michael's not here.

Dwight: No, Pam, just, um- Just- (quietly) Please. (motions with his head towards the break room)

CUT TO THE BREAKROOM

(Pam is sitting at the table with a cup, Dwight is nervously pacing)

Pam: You need to get something for your...girlfriend?

Dwight: Girlfriend. Yes. And the reason I didn't get anything for this particular person, who shall remain nameless, is that she's not really the kind of person you'd think would be in to Valentine's Day. She's kind of...

Pam: Tightly wound?

Dwight: (smiles) Exactly.

Pam: Okay. Well, sometimes the gift is really about the gesture, you know, like what it means instead of what it is.

Dwight: You mean, like a ham?

Pam: (pauses) No. Not like a ham. It's about doing something, so that the person knows that you really care about her.

Dwight: (starts nodding) Okay, I get it.

Pam: That you remember her.

Dwight: That's great. Okay, shut up. I know exactly what to do.

(Dwight walks off, Pam looks into the camera as if to say, "Did I help?")

CUT BACK TO THE MEETING IN NEW YORK, CONFERENCE ROOM

Josh: How about you, Craig? Did you lose anyone?

Craig: Oh, man. Jan called me in September. And she's like, you gotta fire four people. And I was just like, what? You know.

Josh: Did you?

Craig: No, I just ignored her. She's the worst.

Josh: Well, she's our boss.

Craig: She ain't my boss, dude. I don't work for that bitch.

Michael: Hey, ca-ca-come on. You know, that's not- Just cool it.

Craig: What? You like Jan? How can you like Jan?

Michael: Maybe because she's my girlfriend. (catches himself) Was, or not my girlfriend. She's- we hooked up and-

Josh: You hooked up with Jan?

Michael: That was just, you know, months ago. It was just once. God, it's just stupid. Just forget it.

Josh: Yeah, let's change the subject.

Michael: Yeah, yeah.

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE, BREAKROOM

(Kelly and Jim are sitting at a table)

Kelly: I don't know what he's thinking, but I would just be so psyched if we just dated forever.

Jim: Well, take it slow. 'Cause it seems like a lot of the time, things like that need to-

(Jim stops talking as he sees Ryan enter)

(Ryan spots Kelly)

Ryan: Soda.

(They all are silent for a while)

Kelly: Cool. Hey, so do you want to do something tonight?

Jim: (quiet and uncomfortable) Oh, no, not while I'm here.

Kelly: I mean, I know that it's Valentine's Day or whatever, but there's totally no pressure at all of any kind, whatsoever. So...

Ryan: I can't tonight. I have plans with my friends.

Kelly: Okay.

Ryan: Um...

Kelly: That's cool. I-

Ryan: Okay.

Kelly: I completely understand.

Ryan: Cool. (beat) Okay. (leaves without his soda)

(Jim silently waits for the whole thing to be over)

CUT TO THE OFFICE AREA

(Pam delivers more flowers to Phyllis)

(She also has a box of candy which she unceremoniously tosses on Phyllis' desk, before walking away)

CUT TO THE KITCHEN

(The camera watches from a far as Meredith refills her cup)

(She squeezes a lime into the cup then pours in a some tonic water)

(The last two ingredients needed for a Gin & Tonic)

(She then places the lid back on her cup and starts sipping it as she walks out of the kitchen)

CUT BACK TO THE MEETING IN NY

(Jan and the new CFO has showed up)

(They are introducing themselves)

Jan: Josh Porter, Stanford. And Michael Scott, Scranton.

David: Nice to meet you.

Michael: Ditto. How are you, Jan?

Jan: Fine, Michael, thank you.

CFO: Okay, so we are in the process of doing a complete review of the company's financial strength. All I'd like to do today...

(The camera zooms in on Jan)

Jan: (VO) Nervous? No, I'm not nervous.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JAN

Jan: Well, I mean, I guess I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little nervous. Um, the new CFO is judging me on this too. And, well, it is Michael. So, yeah, I'm very nervous.

CUT BACK TO NY CONFERENCE ROOM

(Josh is making his presentation)

Josh: So with the 12 new local accounts, we had a total of 4% organic growth. Which was just above or pre-year targets.

David: Thanks very much.

Josh: Thank you. (sits down)

David: Okay, Michael.

(Michael stands up and clears his throat)

Michael: What is a business? Is it a collection of numbers and sales reports? Sure. But as you know, David and Jan, it is much more.

(Michael turns towards the television and presses play on the remote)

(U2's "With or Without You" starts playing)

(On the video, we see Pam, then Jim, then Dwight holding two thumbs up to the camera)

(David and Jan watch, a little confused)

(Back to the television we see "'The Faces of Scranton' by Michael Scott")

(Josh looks at the video a bit confused too)

(Michael looks at the video adoringly)

CUT TO VIDEO

Michael: (narrating on the video)Life moves a little slower in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

(Phyllis walks in slow motion to her desk)

Michael: And that's the way we like it. 'Cause at Dunder Mifflin Scranton...(Meredith smiles at the camera)...we're not just in the paper business...(Oscar and Kevin wave at the camera)...we're in the people business.

CUT BACK TO MEETING

(Jan looks at the video with open mouthed disbelief)

CUT BACK TO VIDEO

Michael: (on video) Let's meet some of the folks who make Scranton branch so special. This is Stanley Hudson one of our talented salesmen. (the camera slowly moves around Stanley's face, Stanley finally looks up in annoyance) An African-American father of two...

CUT TO MEETING

(Jan looks at the camera with slight fear in her eyes, then back to Michael)

Michael: (on video) Stanley's dedication is no doubt one of the hallmarks of the foundation of the business we're hoping to build our basis on.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: Yeah, I shot a bunch of footage around the office, edited it together on my Mac. Was thinking about entering it in some festivals. Probably won't. You know, not what this is about.

CUT BACK TO THE VIDEO

Michael: (on video) And finally, Pam Beesly. Look at her. Look how cute. Not bad at all. (Pam is talking on the phone)

CUT BACK TO MEETING

(Craig is looking at the video with amusement)

(David, the CFO, doesn't know what to do, Jan looks at him worried)

Michael: (on video) As the receptionist,  Pam is truly the gateway to our world.

CUT TO VIDEO

Michael: (on video) Well, I hope this gave you a little taste of what life is like here at Dunder Mifflin Scranton. What it's like to walk a mile in Oscar's shoes. Or try on Phyllis' pants. Next time you're in town, give us a call. Stop on by. I'm sure you'll be greeted by a big smile and a "How you doing, pal?" Maybe even one of Angela's famous brownies. And you'll know that you're home.

(The video wraps up with the caption "A Michael Scott Joint")

(Jan looks really worried now)

(The video ends with a picture of Steve Martin and Robin Williams with a sign that says, "Great Scott Films International")

Michael: (On video) Great Scott!

Michael: (to room) Questions?

David: Wow. Okay, okay, thank you, Michael. That was great.

Michael: Yes, thank you.

David: But, for right now, what I'd really like to know about is the branch's performance. So do you have that information as well?

Michael: Yes, absolutely, David. Get that for you. I, uh...

(Michael reaches under the desk and pulls out some packets)

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE

(More flowers are delivered to the reception desk)

(Pam smiles as she gets up, but her face falls as she reads the card)

Delivery Guy: Can you sign?

Pam: Yeah.

(Pam takes the flowers to Oscar's desk)

Pam: Oscar.

Angela: Nothing for me?

Pam: (walking away) Join the club.

(Oscar reads the card and puts it in his pocket)

Kevin: Who's it from?

Oscar: My mom.

(Angela glances over to Dwight's desk a little crestfallen)

CUT TO LATER

(Dwight hangs up his phone and walks away)

(The camera zooms in to Meredith's desk, she's passed out next to her empty cup)

CUT TO THE KITCHEN

(Jim is getting coffee, Kelly is standing next to him)

Kelly: It's frustrating 'cause we'd be so perfect together.

Jim: You know what? Here's the deal, Kelly. It would be really nice if he was into you, right? It would be great. But he isn't. You know.

Kelly: Yeah, but it would be so great if he was-

Jim: (quickly) Well, he's not, though. So you just gotta suck it up. You just gotta move on. Try to have some fun. Come to my poker game tonight.

Kelly: Okay, cool. (beat) Is it okay if I invite Ryan?

(Jim gives Kelly an exasperated look/sigh and walks out of the kitchen)

CUT BACK TO NY MEETING

(Dan is finishing up his presentation)

Dan: And that about does it. Thank you.

Jan: Okay, Craig.

(Craig stands up)

Craig: Yeah, here's the deal. I did not understand this was supposed to be a full on, like, report or whatnot.

Jan: I'm sorry, what did you think "financial presentation" meant?

Craig: I was under the impression this was more of, like, a meet-and-greet type of deal.

David: So, does that mean that you don't have the numbers on your branch?

Craig: That is correct, yes.

(Craig sits down)

Jan: Craig, you-you realize that we are trying to decide whether drastic steps need to be taken.

Craig: Look, I'm sorry, I didn't know.

Jan: Well, the point is that this doesn't exactly bode well for your branch.

Craig: Oh, man. You know what? Michael made that stupid movie. He doesn't get in any trouble. Maybe I should've slept with you too.

(Jan is speechless)

(David looks at Jan)

(Jan shoots a look over to Michael)

(Michael looks straight ahead, unflinching and scared)

CUT TO JAN'S OFFICE

(Jan is pacing around)

Michael: (glances at the camera) Okay, okay. All right.

Jan: No, no, no. I'm not- I just- I just don't know what to do anymore, Michael. I mean, I'm probably going to get fired.

Michael: No, you're not.

Jan: Yeah, I-I, Michael, the CFO thinks that we slept together. Don't you understand? People get fired for much less. (puts her hand to her forehead) And I just can't believe that you told everybody. (unbelievably) And we didn't even sleep together!

Michael: Technically, we fell asleep in the same bed. So...

Jan: Oh, God. Michael, it was months ago. It was once. It's over. Do you understand?

Michael: Yes. (glances at the camera) I'm sorry. I'll, fix this. I'll talk to him. I'll talk to David.

Jan: Surely, you cannot be serious.

Michael: I am serious, and don't call me Shirley. (to camera) Airplane. (smiles)

(Jan looks at Michael like she is going to strangle him)

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE

(Angela is sitting back down at her desk when she notices a very small present)

(Dwight, watching from his desk, grins)

(Angela unwraps the gift to find a key)

Dwight: (VO) Women, are like wolves.

(Angela inspects the key for a while)

Dwight: (VO) If you want a wolf, you have to trap it.

(Angela finally realizes the significance of the key and smiles at Dwight)

Dwight: (VO) You have to snare it. And then you have to tame it.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT

Dwight: Keep it happy. Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly, the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.

CUT BACK TO OFFICE

(Phyllis is sharing her candy with Stanley)

(Pam is working, Roy walks in)

Roy: Hey, babe.

Pam: Hey.

Roy: You, uh, almost ready to go?

Pam: I guess, yeah.

Roy: What's wrong?

Pam: Nothing. It's just that I had to sit here all day while Phyllis got, like, an entire garden delivered to her.

Roy: What, you're mad at me?

Pam: I mean, I know that we said no big gifts, but I was kind of hoping you'd get me something for Valentine's Day.

Roy: Well, Valentine's Day isn't over. Let's get you home, and you are gonna get the best sex of your life.

(Pam, speechless, looks at the camera)

(Roy just smiles and nods at Pam)

CUT TO THE CFO'S OFFICE

(Michael and Jan are both in his office)

David: You understand this is a very serious situation.

Michael: No, no, no. Yes, I- Okay, wel- All right, here's the deal. This is my fault. This is totally on me. Before you guys came in, I was talking to the guys, we were all chatting. And I made a joke. A really dumb joke. And Craig the idiot took it seriously.

David: You made a joke?

Michael: I did. It was stupid. And Craig, you saw him, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. Although, he is a tool.

(David laughs)

David: Well, I don't need to explain to you that even a joke about sexual relations with your boss-

Michael: I know, it was borderline at best. And-and Jan is a fantastic executive and has all the integrity in the world. And, um, I'm really sorry. It'll never happen again.

Jan: (slightly surprised) Uh, it's fine. Let's just, uh, just forget it.

David: Good.

(Michael walks out)

CUT TO THE OFFICE

(Jim turns off his desk lamp, grabs his bag, and puts his coat on)

Pam: Heading out?

Jim: Yeah. All right, Beesly. (almost as an afterthought) Hey, Happy Valentine's Day.

Pam: (as Jim walks out the door) Bye.

(Pam watches Jim for a while)

Phyllis: (strained) Good night, Pam.

(Pam snaps out of it)

(Phyllis walks by with the gigantic teddy bear on her back)

Pam: Night, Phyllis.

CUT BACK TO THE NY OFFICES

(Michael is waiting for the elevator)

Jan: Uh, Michael.

(Michael steps onto the elevator)

Jan: Thank you again, for that, really.

Michael: Oh.

Jan: It was very nice.

Michael: No big deal. Really, sorry again.

Jan: Oh, no. It's-it's okay. It's okay. So, uh, Happy Valentine's Day.

Michael: Yeah, Happy Valentine's Day.

(Jan looks around then kisses Michael)

(Michael is taken aback, then glances at the camera)

(Jan follows his line of sight)

Jan: (pained) Oh. (she gets an instant look of regret)

(The doors slowly close on a dumbfounded Michael)

CUT TO EARLIER IN NY

(Michael points to a theater showing "Fiddler on the Roof")

Michael: Oi vey...schmear.

(Michael does a little jig from the play)

THE END

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Transcribed by NIKKI for http://www.twiztv.com
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