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TRANSCRIPT:
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Guest star: Oscar Nunez (Oscar), Melora Hardin (Jan Levinson), Brian Baumgartner (Kevin)


INT. THE OFFICE - THE CONFERENCE ROOM

Jan: So, I'm happy to be here. It's very nice to see all of you. You're all looking well.

Pam: (VO) Today's a Women in the Workplace thing.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: Jan's coming in from corporate to talk to all the women about, um...I don't really know what. But, Michael's not allowed in.

CUT TO OUTSIDE OF CONFERENCE ROOM

(Michael is slowly walking outside of the room, looking in)

Pam: (VO) She said that about five times.

CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM

Jan: Women today, though we have the same options as men, we often face a very different set of obstacles...in getting there, so...

(Michael knocks on the door and enters)

Michael: Hey, what's going on?

Jan: Michael, I-

Michael: Yeah, you know what?

Jan: I thought we agreed-

Michael: I thought about it.

Jan: That you wouldn't be here.

Micheal: I just have a few things I wanna say.

(Michael pulls up a chair)

Jan: What are you doing?

Michael: Just hear me out. (clears throat) What is more important than quality? Equality. Now, studies show that today's woman, the Ally McBeal woman, as I call her, is at a crossroads.

Jan: Michael-

Michael: And, no, just, I- You have come a long way, baby. But, I just wanna keep it within reason. They did this up in Albany-

Jan: You are not allowed in this session-

Michael: And they ended up turning the break room into a lactation room, which is disgusting.

Jan: Now you're really not allowed in this session.

Michael: Well, I'm their boss, so I feel like-

Jan: I'm your boss.

(Michael shuts up and stands up)

Michael: Anybody want any coffee or anything?

Jan: We're fine, Michael. We just need you to leave please.

Michael: (VO) Women in the Workplace.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: Yeah, translation, I have been banned from my own conference room so that Jan can talk in secret to all the girls. Oh, sorry, "Women of the Workplace." About what? I don't know. Clothes, me...ick.

CUT BACK TO CONFERENCE ROOM

Jan: Ladies, I am so, so sorry. Can we...start again?

(Michael tries to slyly drink his coffee near the door of the conference room)

Jan: We were on such a roll. I-I really apologize for that.

Pam: Jan.

Jan: Yes, Pam.

Pam: (quietly) Michael's still at the door.

Jan: Michael!

(Michael scurries to his office)

CUT TO INTRO WITH CREDITS

INT. THE OFFICE

(Everybody is working, Jan can be heard talking from the conference room)

Jan: (OS) So, one obstacle is how assertiveness is perceived differently in men and women.

(Dwight looks over to the conference room then at Jim)

Jan: (OS) Men, who are assertive tend to be admired.

(Jim looks over at the conference room and catches Pam's eye)

(Pam rolls her eyes and smiles at Jim)

(Jim grins and turns around)

Jan: (OS) They're called...anyone?

Dwight: That's a terrible idea.

Jim: What is?

Dwight: Them, in there all together. They stay in there too long, they're gonna get on the same cycle.

(Jim is silent)

Dwight: Wreak havoc on our plumbing.

(Michael comes out of his office and stands in front of the conference room)

Michael: Everyone, guys. Circle up, please. Come on over. Bring your chairs. Toby, come on over. You're a guy...too. Sort of.

(Creed rides his chair across the room)

Michael: Let's do this.

CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM

(Jan has stopped talking and looks to the office area)

Michael: (OS) Well, first of all, I, uh, just wanna warm up a little bit. Let's just clap.

CUT TO OUTSIDE OF CONFERENCE ROOM

Michael: Let's just clap, ready?

(Everybody starts clapping)

Michael: Yeah! Yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about!

(Jan comes out of the conference room)

Jan: I don't know what you're doing here, Michael.

Michael: Just having a little "Guys in the Workplace" kind of thing.

Jan: But, it's very disruptive.

Michael: Why can't boys play with dolls?

(Jan crosses her arms)

Michael: Why does society force us to use urinals when sitting down is far more comfortable?

Jan: Can you please do this somewhere else, Michael?

Michael: We have no where else, Jan. This...

Dwight: We could do it in the warehouse.

Jan: Dwight, excellent idea. Go to the warehouse.

Michael: Okay, okay, fine. Actually...

(Jan closes the door and starts closing all the blinds)

Michael: Perfect. Perfect! You know what? There is another side to this place, gentlemen. And I know we all love our cushy jobs and our fun, exciting office.

(Jim and Ryan look at each other)

Michael: But do you realize that underneath us, there is another world. The warehouse world. A world that is teeming with sweat and dirt and life. Life. The bowels of the office.

(Quick shot of Toby holding the office door open as all the guys walk out)

Michael: (VO) These guys are down there. They are real men doing real man's work. We are going to learn how a warehouse works.

(Toby pretends to follow, but sneaks back in, shushing the camera as he closes the door)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: Oh, I think this is gonna work out great. Because managing the warehouse is a very important part of my job. And I haven't been there in months.

CUT TO WAREHOUSE

(The warehouse crew is working, music plays in the background)

(The office crew stand at the top of the stairs just watching)

(Everybody starts making their way down the stairs)

(Dwight gives the camera glances all the way down)

Dwight: (to camera) Remember on "Lost", when they met the Others?

(Dwight smiles conspiratorially at the camera)

CUT BACK TO CONFERENCE ROOM

Jan: I'm so sorry about that. Um, so where are we? Pam, are you okay taking notes then?

Pam: Mm-hmm.

Jan: Please?

Pam: Yeah.

Jan: Thank you very much.

CUT TO WAREHOUSE

Michael: (to camera) So let's meet the warehouse! Let's get some shots. Pan around there.

(The camera swings over to Darryl)

Michael: This is Darryl, one of our warehouse staff.

(Darryl glares into the camera)

Michael: Darryl, what is your biggest fear?

Darryl: My biggest fear is that someone will distract us from getting all the shipments out on time.

Michael: (to camera) You know what? Darryl is actually the foreman here, and not Roy. Which is cool.

(The camera swings over to Roy riding on a floor lift)

Michael: There's Roy, ridin' the big rig! Um, so Roy is actually going to be marrying Pam sometime this summer. And, uh, she's our receptionist. Sort of a BrAngelina thing.

Roy: Why?

Michael: BrAngelina is the Brad Pitt and Angelina.

(Ryan looks up in frustration, Jim gives a pity grin)

Roy: I don't understand.

Michael: Roy...Roy and Pam. It's a Ram. It's a Ram thing.

Kevin: (in a low voice to Jim) I bet Roy heard about you liking Pam.

(Jim keeps looking ahead)

Kevin: I bet he'll try to beat you up.

Jim: Thanks for the heads-up, Kev.

Kevin: I got your back if he does.

(Jim sighs and nods at Kevin)

Kevin: But try to stay out of it.

(Michael writes a division problem on the chalk board)

Michael: Just in case there's somebody down here who shouldn't be. A little "Good Will Hunting" situation. All right, troops.  This is an important day.  A big day. Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White-collar, blue-collar. But I don't see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.

(Jim shakes his head)

CUT BACK TO CONFERENCE ROOM

Jan: Why don't we go around the table and all say something that we know we're good at. I will start. I am good at public speaking.

(Jan motions to Meredith)

Meredith: Hi, I'm Meredith, and I'm an al- Good at supplier relations.

Jan: Great. Phyllis.

Phyllis: Um, I'm good at computer stuff. E-mails, um, spreadsheets, all that.

Angela: Really?

Phyllis: (immediately second guesses herself) I don't know. I thought that...

Jan: No, okay, stop.

Angela: You know, I've seen some of your spreadsheets. And I almost always...

Phyllis: Really?

Angela: Mm-hmm.

Phyllis: I thought they were pretty...

Pam: (VO) I don't know how I fit in with these women.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: Here. Or with Jan. Um, I mean, we get along great. Fine. Um...I guess the person I have the most in common with is...(stops as if thinking about it)

Roy: (VO) Jim.

CUT TO WAREHOUSE

Roy: Halpert.

(Jim turns around, slightly startled)

Roy: Hey, uh, I, uh, you know. Heard there's a rumor going around about, you know, you used to have a crush on Pam and...

Jim: Oh, no, no, no.

Roy: No, no. It's cool. 'Cause I know you're a good guy, and I know that that crush ended a long time ago, so, you know. We're cool, right?

Jim: (surprised) Yeah. No, yeah, definitely.

Roy: You know, it's great with me, 'cause that way...I'm glad she has a friend at work she can get through the day with.

Jim: Oh.

Roy: That way she's not all, "Bah, bah, bah, bah," you know, when she gets home.

Jim: Yeah, I like talking to her too.

Roy: So, uh, we're cool, right?

Jim: Yes, yeah.

Roy: Good. All right.

Jim: Cool, man.

Roy: Sweet.

(Roy leaves, Jim looks somewhat relieved)

(In the background Kevin emerges from behind a shelf dabbing the sweat from his forehead)

(Jim sees him, Kevin lets out a big exhale and shakes his head)

Darryl: Hey, Mike, look. How about we go upstairs, too, you know? Learn how an office works.

Michael: Oh, well...

Darryl: We can both switch places for the day.

Michael: (laughs) Okay, yeah, you know what? I don't, you're...My job sucks compared to this. I don't think you'd like it up there.

Darryl: Good experience.

Michael: Guys! You wanna start unloading the truck?

(Dwight tears the plastic wrap off a shipment)

Dwight: Okay, let's go. Step up.

(Ryan walks up and takes a box)

CUT TO ANOTHER PART OF THE WAREHOUSE

(Michael points at an inflatable doll who's turned backwards)

Michael: Check this out. Look at that. Look at that. Beerp beerp. "Hello, how are--"

(He turns it around to find a picture of himself taped to the face)

Michael: O-kay. That's great.

(The warehouse guys silently laugh)

Michael: That is good stuff.

CUT BACK TO CONFERENCE ROOM

Meredith: In five years, I'd like to be, five years sober.

Jan: That is an excellent goal.

Meredith: Four and a half.

Kelly: I'll tell you one thing. I am not going to be one of those women schlepping her kids around in a minivan.

Jan: Great. Uh-huh.

Kelly: I want an SUV with three rows of seats.

Women: That would be great.

(Jan tries not to let her dissapointment show)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JAN

Jan: Well, I'll be honest. One of the goals of these women seminars is to feel out if there's any standouts. Women who could be a valuable addition to our corporate life.

(Jan sighs and looks down at her coffee cup)

CUT BACK TO WAREHOUSE

(Some of the guys are still unloading the truck)

Dwight: Michael wants us to bond. So we need topics for conversation.

Jim: Ponies.

Dwight: No.

Ryan: How about rainbows?

Dwight: No.

Jim: Flowers.

CUT TO ANOTHER PART OF THE WAREHOUSE

Dwight: (OS) No.

Ryan: (OS) Make-up.

(Michael is on the forklift)

Darryl: That's dangerous. Michael. COme on, get down from there.

Michael: Hey. You're gonna hurt yourself.

Darryl: Mike.

Michael: Stand clear.

Darryl: Mike, get off of the lift, please.

Michael: I'm fine, I'm fine.

Darryl: Come on, now.

Michael: I'm fine.

Darryl: M- Would you...look. Michael.

(Michael swings the lift around and the forks knock a shelf over)

Michael: Oh, oh, oh!

(The shelf knocks another shelf over, boxes spill everywhere)

(Michael jumps off the fork lift, Darryl stands there in shock)

Michael: We'll get somebody to clean that up.

Darryl: We're da ones that gotta clean that up!

(Lonnie throws a box across the room at Michael)

Lonnie: Damn it, Michael!

Michael: We have to have this thing serviced.

CUT TO LATER IN THE WAREHOUSE

(Everybody is sitting in a circle, Michael has his shirt halfway unbuttoned, exposing some chest hair)

Michael: So, guys gripe session. Here we are. Now, we definitely live in different worlds, but we have a lot in common. We even like the same girls, some of us. (Jim glances at the camera, Roy glances at Jim) And that's gonna happen. You know, we're guys. So...

Madge: Hey...do you want me to go?

Michael: No...why would I...you could.

Madge: I'll go.

Michael: Stay, or...

CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM

Phyllis: And a big, walk-in closet.

Meredith: Oh, that's part of my dream too.

Kelly: Oh, me too.

Jan: Great. Great. Okay. And, Pam, what about you? What is your dream?

Pam: Well, I always dreamed of a house with a terrace upstairs. Plant flowers on it, stuff like that. Since I was a girl. (looks at Jan) Um...more seriously, though, a husband that I love. Roy. And...I love to draw. And I, I did a little in college. And I'd still love to do something where I could work with art or graphic design in some way.

(Jan finally hears some potential)

Phyllis: She's real good.

Pam: Thanks.

Jan: You know, the company is offering a design training program in New York.

Pam: Well, I have a job right now. So I can't really take time off.

Jan: Well, it's, it's only on weekends. And then a few weeks in New York. But I'm sure that I could ask corporate to help you out.

Pam: Well, it's just that the weekends aren't good because, um-

Jan: There's always a million reasons not to do something.

(Pam silently takes the brochure from Jan)

CUT BACK TO THE WAREHOUSE

Michael: Let's start with the warehouse. What bothers you as guys? You know?

Darryl: My priority is safety.

Michael: Okay.

Darryl: So it really bothers me when somebody comes in here speeding around on a lift, playing with it like a toy. It kind of gets under my skin, okay?

Michael: Okay, yeah, yeah, shh, shh. So...

Darryl: Uh-uh, don't-don't shush me.

Michael: No, I- that was just-

Darryl: That bothers me too.

Michael: I was breathing.

Roy: Pam shushes me, it drives me crazy.

Michael: I hate shushing, you know? That's the thing. What b- okay. What is our...beef as...human men.

Lonnie: You know, that's a good question, Hasselhoff.

(Everybody chuckles)

Michael: Okay. (laughs and starts buttoning up his shirt)

Lonnie: What bugs us?

Michael: All right, good. Guys raggin' on each other. That's what guys do. And we love it.

CUT BACK TO THE CONFERNCE ROOM

Jan: All right, let's talk about...clothing.

(The camera zooms in on Phyllis who smiles broadly)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PHYLLIS

Phyllis: I'm excited about today. (whispering) I love girl talk.

CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM

Jan: Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. All right, you can use your clothing to send a message about your ambitions by wearing clothes that reflect what you aspire to be.

(Angela rolls her eyes)

Angela: (VO) I'm not gaining anything from this seminar.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF ANGELA

Angela: I'm a professional woman. The head of accounting.

Angela: (VO) I'm in the healthiest relationship of my life.

(Quick cut of Angela and Dwight headed for the kitchen door, they awkwardly look at each other before Dwight walks in and Angela walks away)

Angela: I just think it's insulting that Jan thinks we need this. And apparently...judging from her outfit...Jan aspires to be a whore.

(Quick cut to conference room as Angela evaluates Jan's attire and shakes her head in disdain)

CUT TO WAREHOUSE

Roy: I hate it when girls insist on taking them out to new restaurants every weekend night, and then they're like, "When are we gonna go on a date date?"

(All the guys but Jim chime in)

Darryl: Oh, I hate that, too, man.

Michael: Exactly!

Darryl: I hate that too.

Kevin: That sucks so hard.

(Jim subtly rolls his eyes)

Michael: Totally, totally sucks.

Dwight: Yeah, and then they make you drive 'em to church the next morning. Like, gas ain't free!

(Everyone is silent, Jim gives the camera a surprised look)

Lonnie: Yeah, on our salaries, man, what do they expect, you know? What, "take us out every weekend"? You know what I mean?

Michael: I feel you man.

Lonnie: We're not millionaires.

Michael: I feel you.

Darryl: No you don't. You don't feel us. How can you? You-you know what?

Dwight: Not literally.

Darryl: You say we're the same, but we get compensated very differently.

Michael: Yes.

Darryl: We work the same hours as you, and you just said we work a lot harder.

Michael: Uh, you do, so...

Darryl: But we get paid a lot less.

Michael: Nn...yy...

Dwight: Word.

Darryl: Like, next to no benefits.

Michael: I know. God, what is that?!

Roy: Exactly!

Michael: It blows, it blows, man!

Darryl: You know, this would not happen if we had a union.

Roy: That's what I'm talking about.

Michael: Yeah, no.

Roy: Absolutely, that's what we need.

Darryl: Man, see, that's what I been sayin', man.

Michael: Okay, now-

Darryl: We need to do this finally.

Michael: You know what? Is that necessary? 'Cause you already sort of have a union of guys.

Darryl: It's more than necessary, Mike. We need this. Roy...you still have that card from the dock workers union?

Roy: In my truck.

Michael: Dock workers?

Darryl: Man, hook him up. Come on, man!

(The guys start clapping)

Michael: Yeah. You know what, I think the problem is the chicks.

Darryl: Union, yeah!

Michael: The problem in the chicks. And you gotta blame them.

Darryl: Are you with us, Mike?

Michael: Yeah, s...

Darryl: Welcome to the warehouse.

(Darryl shakes Michael's hand)

All: (start chanting) Mi-chael, Mi-chael, Mi-chael, Mi-chael.

(Micheal looks at the camera a bit unsure)

CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM

Jan: Another issue is inequality of pay between men and women. I'm sure that all of you have delt with that before.

(Michael knocks on the door and walks in)

Michael: This is important. Ladies, take a breather. Jan...(pulls up a chair)...I, uh...wanted...(turns to Pam) can I help you? Um, I wanted to say that the guys downstairs are thinking about forming a union.

Jan: What?

Michael: And they have some good points.

Jan: A union?!

Michael: Don't get hysterical.

Jan: I'm not.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: Part of my job is knowing how to talk to women.

CUT BACK TO CONFERENCE ROOM

Michael: (to Jan) Let's...be...rational...here. What are the pros, what are the cons?

Jan: The cons are that everyone will lose their job, Michael. Everyone. Office, warehouse. What do you think the...pros...are...here?

Michael: Don't talk to me that way, please. Just...they're gonna wanna hear this from you.

Jan: Oh, you got yourself into this, Michael, so you get yourself out.

Michael: Well, we're bonding down there.

Jan: That's too bad.

Michael: I just don't wanna have to tell them something they're not gonna wanna hear!

Jan: Now, who's getting hysterical?

Michael: Okay. Come on, Jan. After all we've been through.

Jan: Michael, Michael-

Michael: We have a history.

(Jan motions to Michael to shut up)

Jan: (sternly) Michael.

Michael: (in a low voice) We have a history. Between us.

Jan: (between clenched teeth) Don't say another word. Get...yourself...downstairs.

Michael: (in a low voice) I'm just saying that we have something...okay, whatever.

CUT BACK TO THE WAREHOUSE

(Ryan, Jim and Stanley are unloading a truck)

Ryan: You know what? We could get this done a lot quicker if we formed a type of assembly line.

Stanley: This here is a run-out-the-clock situation. Just like upstairs.

(Ryan finally get it)

CUT BACK TO CONFERENCE ROOM

Jan: Sports metaphors are one of the ways women feel left out of the language of the office. Now, I know this might sound silly, but many women ask to go over it. So...fumble means-

Kelly: Mistake.

Meredith: Slip.

Jan: Right. Par for the course is a golf term, it means right on track.

(The camera zooms in on Pam's notepad, she stopped taking notes and is drawing a scenery instead)

Jan: Uh, below par means worse. Wait, that should mean better. That doesn't make sense.

Kelly: What about second base? Like if Michael said he got to second base with you? Does that mean he closed the deal?

(The ladies try to hide their grins and chuckles)

Jan: Excuse me?

Kelly: I mean, that's a baseball term, right?

Jan: I-I don't know what...M-Michael was...talking about

(Kelly winks at the camera)

Jan: I don't know.

CUT TO OUTSIDE OF THE CONFERENCE ROOM

(Jim is in the office, checking his messages)

(Pam looks up and sees Jim)

Kelly: (OS) Like, you went to Chili's, and he got to second base with you.

Pam: Excuse me. (gets up from the table)

Jan: Kelly, I don't know what Michael was talking about.

Kelly: (OS) He just told everybody, and I just wanna know...

(Jim hangs up his phone and starts to walk out)

Pam: Hey.

Jim: Hey!

Pam: How's it going down there?

Jim: It's a complete d- Well, actually it's exactly what you'd expect, so...

(They both chuckle)

Pam: Right.

Jim: How are the girls?

Pam: Good. We watched a video about our changing bodies.

Jim: Did you really?

Pam: No.

Jim: Oh.

(They both laugh)

Pam: Almost. Um, but, hey, um...something kind of cool. There's this internship in graphic design that Jan was telling us about. She made it sound, like, really great.

Jim: Nice. Well, what's it all about?

Pam: Um-

Jim: I think you should do it. (smiles) That's great!

Pam: (smiling) It's really cool.

CUT TO WAREHOUSE

(Michael is on top of a ladder trying to open a package of styrofoam peanuts)

Michael: Cold front comin' in to the warehouse! Uh-oh! (he starts spilling the peanuts in front of a fan) Better put on your ski boots! Woooow!

(Dwight is the only one laughing, the warehouse workers don't look pleased at all)

Michael: Happy New Year Darryl! Hey, Darryl! You ever done this?

CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM

Angela: (to Jan) Are you married?

Jan: I'm divorced.

Phyllis: That must have been hard.

Jan: It was. Yes.

Kelly: You were probably feeling really depressed and sad, and that's why you did that thing with Michael.

Jan: I think you should all spend a little more time thinking about your careers and less time on personal stuff.

Phyllis: Mmm, I think we're all okay with the balance we've struck.

Angela: At least you don't have kids. You have no kids, right? Thank God.

Jan: Okay, let's take five. I think we could all use five.

(Jan quickly walks out of the room)

Kelly: How can someone so beautiful be so sad?

CUT TO THE WAREHOUSE

(Jan is walking down the stairs)

Michael: Hi.

Jan: Did you take care of the situation?

Michael: Yeah, yeah. Yes, I...I have...essentially-

Jan: Excuse me.

Michael: Yes, I've taken-

Jan: Excuse me. I'm told that there's been some interest in forming a union, and that Michael supported it. Obviously he's not a friend of yours, because he didn't tell you the facts. So let me.

(Michael scratches his head and starts slowly walking away)

Jan: If there is even a whiff of unionizing in this branch, I can guarantee you the branch will be shut down like that. They unionized in Pittsfield, and we all know what happened in Pittsfield. It will cost each of you a fortune in legal fees and union dues, and that'll be nothing compared to the cost of losing your jobs. So I would think long and hard before sacrificing your savings and your futures just to send a message. If you have any further questions, you can direct them to...

(Jan looks for Michael and finds him trying to hid behind some mops)

Jan: To Michael.

CUT TO OFFICE AREA

(Roy and Pam can be seen discussing the pamphlet in the distance)

(Roy has the pamphlet in his hand, says something to Pam and walks away)

Pam: (VO) Dreams are just that. They're dreams. They help get you through the day. Like the thing about the terrace. It's nice.

(Pam looks down sadly)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: But, um...I don't know. It was just something I read in this book when I was 12. Uh, the girl in the book has a terrace outside of her bedroom...

CUT TO THE KITCHEN

(Pam is sitting at the table, thinking)

Pam: (VO)...and she planted flowers on it. And I just loved that. Just always kind of stuck with me.

(Jim walks in and pours himself some coffee)

Jim: So, you're not doing it.

Pam: How did you know?

Jim: (dissapointed) Why not?

Pam: Just not- no big reason. Just a bunch of little reasons.

Jim: Come on.

Pam: Roy's right. There's no guarantee it's gonna lead to anything anyway.

Jim: (slightly perturbed) Roy said that?

Pam: What? You have something you wanna say?

Jim: You gotta take a chance on something sometime, Pam. I mean, do you wanna be a receptionist here, always?

Pam: Oh, excuse me! I'm fine with my choices.

Jim: (challenging) You are?

Pam: (with a very slight hesitance) Yeah.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: It's impractical. I'm not gonna...try to get a house like that. Um, they don't even make houses like that in Scranton. So I'm never gonna...(tries not to cry, but ends up breaking down)

CUT BACK TO WAREHOUSE

(Michael is on the forklift again)

Michael: just gonna push this over there!

(He bangs a shelf into another)

Darryl: This is not a good idea right here.

(Michael swings the forklift around and Roy runs away)

Michael: Easy does it, okay.

(The camera pans to a board that says, "THIS DEPARTMENT HAS WORKED 936 DAYS WITHOUT A LOST TIME ACCIDENT)

(Madge walks up to the board, erases '936' and writes in a '0')

CUT TO OUTSIDE OF THE WAREHOUSE

(Michael is paying a delivery guy)

Michael: Pizza. Great equalizer. Rich people love pizza. Poor people love pizza. White people love pizza. Black people love pizza. (to camera) Do black people like pizza?

CUT TO LATER

(Everybody is enjoying pizza and nodding)

Michael: Hey...um...look guys, I'm sorry. Sometimes, Jan...can be such a bitch.

(Everybody agrees)

Michael:  Hey, watch it, watch it. We have a relationship.

CUT TO EVEN LATER

(The office guys are leaving the warehouse)

Michael: Thank you to our host.

Darryl: (OS) Hey Michael!

(The camera pans to Darryl)

(He is standing in the middle of a huge mess)

Darryl: This ain't over.

(Michael closes the door)

CUT TO THE OFFICE

(Michael walks in with a box of pizza and sighs)

Michael: Excellent. (VO) Is it good to be back?

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAL

Michael: Yeah. I mean, I love the guy stuff, but...to run an office, you need men and women. You know why? Because you need to have that crazy sexual tension to keep things interesting.

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE

(Everybody is settling back into their seats)

(Jim is at his desk, the phone at reception rings)

(He glances over)

Pam: Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam.

(Jim half smiles and goes back to his work)

Pam: Uh, hold please.

(Pam hangs up the phone and looks at Jim)

CUT TO EARLIER IN THE WAREHOUSE

(Dwight jumps into the pile of styrofoam peanuts)

Dwight: Snow angel!

Michael: Snow angel!

(Dwight enjoys himself as Darryl looks into the camera)

THE END

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Transcribed by NIKKI for http://www.twiztv.com
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