The following is not a novelization or an actual script but a dry transcript of the aired episode that includes accurate word-to-word dialogues, settings descriptions, action scenes and/or camera movements where the transcriber felt they were necessary. This transcript is posted on "TWIZ TV.COM" in world wide web exclusivity by courtesy of NIKKI.
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TRANSCRIPT:
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Guest star: Craig Robinson (Darrell), David Denman (Roy), Paul Lieberstein (Toby), Creed Bratton (Creed), Brian Baumgartner (Kevin), Oscar Nunez (Oscar) , Ken Howard (Ed Truck), David Koechner (Todd Packer), Leslie David Baker (Stanley), Kate Flannery (Meredith), Angela Kinsey (Angela), Phyllis Smith (Phyllis), Mindy Kaling (Kelly)


INT. THE OFFICE

(Jim is working at his desk, he glances over to reception)

(Ryan, not Pam, is sitting there, he slowly looks up at Jim)

Ryan: What?

Jim: Oh, nothing.

(Jim goes back to his work)

Jim: (VO) Pam's on vacation.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM

Jim: And she gets back tomorrow. So, it'll be nice to see her. It'll be nice. And, uh, she set a date for the wedding with Roy. Uh, June, summer. So, that'll be nice. And that's that.

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE

(Jim is working, he habitually glances at reception again)

Ryan: What?

Jim: Oh, nothing.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF RYAN

Ryan: Jim's been looking at me kind of a lot all week. I would be creeped out by it, but it's nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me.

CUT TO RECEPTION

(Ryan is typing on the computer, he looks up towards Michael's office)

(The camera pans around to find Michael standing at his blinds)

(He is staring intently at Ryan)

(Michael slowly notices the camera, looks away and tries to play it off)

CUT TO INTRO WITH CREDITS

INT. THE OFFICE

(Pam is back at reception fixing her things)

(Michael walks in)

Michael: Spamster.

Pam: Um...Pam, plus Spam, plus-

Michael: Hamster.

Pam: Right.

Michael: Welcome back. How was your vacation?

Pam: It was great.

Michael: Yeah? Did you get lucky?

(Pam opens her mouth, but doesn't say anything)

Michael: Oop! Boink.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: Roy and I just got back from the Poconos. I get ten vacation days a year. And I try to hold off taking them for as long as possible. And this year I got to the third week in January.

CUT BACK TO RECEPTION

Michael: (as Sean Penn) I am Pam. Spicoli guy.

(Michael walks to his office, reading his messages along the way)

Michael: Oh, God. He needs numbers. Okay. (opens his door) Whoa! God! Yuck! Yuck, yuck, yuck.

Pam: What?

Michael: Yuck! Wow! What happened in there?

Pam: I don't know.

Michael: There is stink in there. My God!

(Michael has the whole office's attention now)

Michael: What is- what is that?

(Pam walks over)

Pam: Oh, I don't know.

(The camera tries to zoom in on whatever is causing the stink in Michael's office, all we can see is the bottom of something squishy and brownish)

Michael: (OS) Is that a bird?

Pam: (OS) I don't think it's a bird.

Michael: Oh, God, how could that happen? How could-

(Pam makes a face at the smell, they are standing at the door to Michael's office)

Michael: Right in the middle of the carpet.

(Kevin walks up with his coffee)

Kevin: What's going on?

Michael: Um, somebody vomited right in the middle of the carpet in my office.

(Kevin starts to walk towards Michael's office, but immediately backs off)

Kevin: I don't think that's vomit.

Michael: Check it out.

Kevin: Me?

Michael: Check it out. Don't be a wuss.

(Kevin tries to hand Michael his coffee)

Michael: Just get, no, I'm not holding your coffee.

(Kevin scoots into Michael's office)

Michael: Tell me what it is.

Kevin: Oh, that's a real bitch.

(Michael closes his office door while Kevin is inside)

Michael: What is it?

Kevin: Michael.

Michael: What is it?

(Kevin frantically knocks on the window)

Michael: No, just tell me what it is.

Kevin: Michael, I gotta get outta here! I can't hold my breath that long.

Pam: Open the door up.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF KEVIN

Kevin: It smelled terrible.

CUT BACK TO THE ENTRANCE TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE

(Everybody is standing around now)

(Michael takes a deep breath and opens the door)

(Everybody tries to get a look at whatever is on the carpet)

All: Oh! Phew!

(Nobody can stand it, Pam starts walking fast out of the office)

Pam: Oh, no. Mmm-mmm, mm-mmm.

Michael: I cannot believe a pipe burst and left that there.

(Dwight is in the office holding his nose and looking like he's gonna vomit)

Toby: That's no burst pipe.

Michael: Well, how do you know that? What is it then?

(Creed walks up)

Creed: Hey guys. Somebody making soup?

(Michael looks at Creed)

CUT TO LATER

(There is a cleaning lady in Michael's office wearing a face mask and rubber gloves)

Michael: Here she comes. All clean? Great.

(Michael walks into his office, Dwight follows)

(The immediately walk back out)

Dwight: Too stinky.

Michael: That is worse.

Dwight: She probably scrubbed it into the fibers of the carpet. Total permeation.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

(He's in his office)

Michael: I am a big fan of Fear Factor. Um, I'm a big fan of anything Joe Rogan does, actually. So, this is sort of like my audition tape. Um...I can't stand it. I can't stand it in here another second.

(Michael gets up from his desk and walks to the door)

(The camera zooms out to show that they weren't even in the office with him)

CUT TO RECEPTION

(Jim walks in)

Jim: Hey, welcome back.

Pam: Thanks.

Jim: So, how was the resort? Did you ski a lot?

Pam: A little.

Jim: Good.

(Jim turns around)

Jim: What's going on here?

(Roy and Darryl are taking Michael's furniture out of his office)

(Jim looks to Pam for an answer, then looks at the camera)

Jim: (VO) What?

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM

Jim: I did not do that. That sounds disgusting. (tries not to grin)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF RYAN

Ryan: (laughing) It wasn't me. (composes himself) Um...it wasn't me. (seriously) It was not me.

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE

(Jim walks towards Michael's office, then gets a whiff of the scent)

Jim: Oh. Wow.

(Jim waves at Roy and Darryl)

(Roy acknowledges Jim, then takes off his scarf and mouths, "Help" to Pam)

(Pam giggles)

(Jim looks at his desk to find...)

Michael: Hey, Jim, I thought that we would be desk buddies while they change my carpet.

(Michael continues to look at something on the computer)

Jim: That might be a little difficult with the one computer.

Michael: Oh. It's-

Jim: But there's definitely a desk open in the back.

Michael: Yeah...(he's engrossed at whatever he's looking at on the computer)

Jim: Which I guess I'll be taking.

Michael: No, no, no, seriously. I don't mind sharing.

Jim: No, no, no. Seriously, I'll be in the back.

(Jim grabs a binder off his desk)

CUT TO THE BACK AREA OF THE OFFICE

Jim: Hey, Kelly.

Kelly: Are you moving back here?

Jim: Um, just for the day while Michael's at my desk.

Kelly: Because Toby used to sit there. But then he had to move over there because of an allergy.

Jim: Allergy to...the desk?

Kelly: Weird.

(Jim smiles at the camera)

CUT TO JIM (Michael) AND DWIGHT'S DESK AREA

Michael: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ol' bullpen.

(Michael puts his feet up on the desk)

Dwight: Ha, ha, ha. The ol' bullpen.

(Dwight tries to do the same but knocks into things)

Michael: Don't hate me.

Dwight: Okay.

Michael: This is great.

Dwight: Yeah.

Michael: The pressures of my office are insane.

Dwight: Mmm.

Michael: I just- you couldn't understand. But you guys have it easy out here. You know, I used to sit right here?

Dwight: No way.

Michael: Yeah.

Dwight: And who had your office?

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: Ed Truck. Yuck. Ed Truck was the manager before me.

(Quick shot of an old company newsletter)

(The article headline reads, "TOP SALESMAN AWARD")

(There is a picture of Ed shaking Michael's hand, Michael is sporting a mullet and a fanny pack)

(Below the picture it reads, "Michael Scott achieves top sales honors for Scranton for the Third straight quarter")

Michael: (VO) Horrible. He hated fun. It was like, oh, Ed Truck is walking toward us.

CUT BACK TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: Stop having fun. Start pretending to do work. What a jerk. He's...you know what? I swore to myself, that if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh when they saw me coming. And would applaud as I walked away.

CUT TO KELLY'S DESK AREA

(Jim is trying to work, Kelly is talking away)

Kelly: I'm serious, my closet doors will not shut. I mean, it only takes so long to measure to make sure that clothes will hang up. 'Cause aren't all hangers like, that big? So I don't understand why the closet engineer didn't think of that.

(Jim looks up at the camera with slightly pleading eyes)

Kelly: So now I'm doing this new thing where I just leave piles of clothes on the floor. And I walk around the piles to get an outfit...

CUT TO DWIGHT'S DESK AREA

Michael: You know who used to sit at that desk?

Dwight: That guy Miles who quit to form his own company?

Michael: Mmm-mmm. Todd Packer.

Dwight: No. I thought he was out on the road.

Michael: He was, but, uh...that desk was empty. He'd come in and sit there sometimes.

Dwight: Ah.

(QUICK CUT of Roy and Darryl tearing up the carpet from Michael's office)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: When I was in training, many years ago (correcting himself) not so long ago. I worked side by sie with a fellow named Todd Packer. And together we rocked the office.

(There is a knocking on the wall behind Michael and a picture falls off)

CUT TO THE OFFICE

(Michael is walking around the office area)

Michael: (VO) Packer and I once spent a whole day with our pants off. And when people noticed, we convinced them that they were crazy.

(Michael walks up to Stanley, who is talking on the phone, and leans down to his ear)

Michael: I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.

Stanley: (to the person on the phone) Excuse me one second please. (to Michael) What is it that you need right now that can't wait until I'm off the phone with a customer?

Michael: (to camera) Ooh, a customer. Well, sound the alarm. Okay.

(Michael laughs and slaps Stanley on the back, and continues walking)

Michael: (VO) Another time, Packer held this guy's head in the toilet for like a minute. Guy had no sense of humor about it. Probably why he wasn't hired.

(Michael walks up to Creed and punches his pretty hard in the arm)

Michael: Uhh! Oh.

Creed: What did you hit me for?

Michael: Oh, Charlie Horse.

Creed: What?

Michael: Charlie Horse!

Creed: You shouldn't have hit me, Michael.

Michael: Okay. Gah.

(Michael laughs and continues walking)

Michael: (VO) Once as a joke, Packer banged every chick in the office.

(Michael waves to Meredith as he passes her desk)

CUT BACK TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: It was hysterical.

CUT TO KELLY'S DESK AREA

Kelly: ...Beyonce, pink the color, Pink the person, hot dogs, basically anything that is awesome. Sno-cones...

(Ryan walks up)

Ryan: Hey, Jim. Michael wanted me to ask you how to raise your desk chair.

Jim: It's the lever on the side.

Ryan: That's what I told him. Thanks.

(Kelly watches Ryan leave)

Kelly: Oh, my God. He is so cute. Would you talk to him for me and see if he likes me?

Jim: Oh, no, I don't think I can.

Kelly: Oh please Jim. Please, please, Jim. Please, please, please? He's so cute. I like him so much. And I would do it, but I'm too shy. Please, Jim? Please, please, please? Please, Jim, please? (Jim looks at the camera) Please, please?

CUT TO DWIGHT'S DESK AREA

Michael: (whispering) Dwight.

Dwight: (whispering) Michael.

Michael: (low voice) Let's set up accounting.

Dwight: What?

Michael: Old-fashioned raid. Sales on accounting.

(Dwight quietly laughs)

Michael: Follow my lead.

(Michael gets up and walks over to accounting)

Michael: Hey, guys.

Oscar: Hey, Michael.

Michael: What's up?

Oscar: Hey, Dwight.

(Michael starts yelling and pushing papers to the floor)

(Dwight follows throwing papers in the air)

(Michael takes down Toby's folders as Dwight goes over to Angela's area)

(Dwight reaches for something on her desk)

(Angela gives him a very stern look and slowly shakes her head)

(Dwight gently picks up a pen and softly tosses it on her desk)

Michael: (running away) Come on, come on, come on. Sales rule!

Dwight: Yes!

Michael: Yeah, yeah!

(Michael and Dwight are by the reception desk doing a victory dance)

Dwight: Should we help them pick up their stuff?

Michael: No, no, no, no. We don't do that. Watch out Pam. You're next.

Pam: You're gonna throw my things on the ground?

Michael: Maybe.

(The people in accounting are picking up their papers off the floor)

Oscar: (VO) What happened in Michael's office is wrong. I understand it.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF OSCAR

Oscar: It makes sense. (laughs, then composes himself) But it's- but it was still wrong.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: Why would somebody ruin a perfectly good carpet? I don't know. Could have been done out of hate. Could be done out of love. It could be completely neutral. Maybe somebody hates the cleaning lady. Well, she doesn't do a very good job, obviously, because my office still reeks like you would not believe. I hate her.

(Quick cut of Darryl and Roy still working on the carpet)

Michael: You know what? I am beginning to think that what happened to my carpet was an act of terrorism against the office. The only thing that makes sense.

CUT TO DWIGHT'S DESK AREA

(Dwight is on the phone)

Dwight: Hello, am I the 107th caller? (hangs up then picks the receiver back up) Hello, Rock 107, am I the 107th caller? (hangs up then picks the receiver back up) Hello, Rock 107, am I the 107th caller? (hangs up the phone) I'm totally going to win us that box set.

Michael: Stop. Stop it. (Dwight hangs up the phone) Stop it.

(Dwight starts to pick up the receiver)

Michael: Don't. Don't.

Dwight: I need to make a sales call. Please.

Michael: All right.

(Michael looks at Dwight and waits for him to make his call)

(Dwight dials a number)

Dwight: (quietly to the side) Am I the 107th caller?

(In the background Michael shakes his head in frustration)

CUT TO KITCHEN AREA

(Jim is getting some coffee)

Pam: (OS) That is so soon.

Roy: (OS) We'll go back. We'll go back in a couple weeks, baby.

Pam: (OS) Yeah, right.

(Jim glances towards the reception desk)

(Roy is standing at the counter talking to Pam)

Roy: Okay, maybe another month then. Maybe for, like, Presidents' Day or something.

Pam: Yeah, that's right. We can do a three day weekend.

(Jim puts the coffee pot back and starts walking to the back area)

Roy: (OS) Yeah.

Pam: (OS) And maybe when we get back, I can call in sick, and get a four day weekend.

Kelly: Everyday I go to bed, and I have, like, a weird pinch in my back.

(Jim spots Kelly talking to Toby)

Kelly: And when I wake up, I feel fine. It's so weird.

(Jim looks at his coffee)

Kelly: But it's so hard to fall asleep.

(No place to go, Jim walks into the mens' room)

Kelly: (OS) And I just hate it. 'Cause I try to go to bed at, like, 9:30 every night.

Pam: (OS) Are you kidding?

Roy: (OS) No.

CUT TO THE ACCOUNTING AREA

Michael: Hi, guys.

Angela: We haven't finished getting things in order from your last visit.

Michael: I'm just walking around.

Angela: Were you?

Michael: Well, yeah.

Oscar: It's just that we're really swamped over here Michael.

Michael: Oh, and I'm not? Why would you say that? Because I'm having fun? You guys just are working for the weekend, aren't you? I'm working for the week. Sales team. Listen to me. This is what we're gonna do. I'm gonna up the ante a little bit literally. Right here, I'm going to put a crisp $100 bill. The person with the most sales at the end of the day gets to keep the cash. Sound good?

Dwight: Yeah!

(Michael counts his money)

Michael: 70, 80, 1, 2, 3. $83. Still a lot of money.

(Michael puts the money on a plaque on the wall just as Darryl and Roy walk by)

(Michael takes the money down)

Michael: And I'm going to...I'm going to leave it right over here.

(Pam looks at the camera)

Michael: Where everybody can see it. I will be taking Jim's clients today, because he is not here. And out of sight, out of the contest. Let's see who winds up with the cash, shall we?

Phyllis: You're going to compete against us?

Michael: Oh, it is on, Phyllis! It is so on!

Dwight: It is so on!

Michael: God, this is gonna be fun.

Dwight: Michael is gonna wipe the floor with us.

CUT TO BREAK ROOM

(Jim is walking to the breakroom with his lunch)

(He stops when he sees Roy eating with Pam)

(He turns around)

CUT TO MICHAEL AND DWIGHT'S DESK AREA

Michael: (oh phone) So you have 40 boxes going out. And I will deliver those personally in the Sebring. Very good. Nice doing business with you. Thank you.

(Michael stands up holding a piece of paper)

Michael: Yes!! Ho ho ho ho. Yeah. Read it and weep. Ugh.

(Puts the post-it note on Phyllis' forehead)

Michael: Ooh, look at that. Look at me Phyllis. Oh, what is that? That's my sale.

(Michael does a little victory dance on his way to reception)

Michael: Mm mm mm mm mm. Mm. Aha aha aha mm mm mm.

Darryl: What- what's that? What you doing?

(Michael stops dancing)

Michael: Nothing.

Roy: I think he's dancing.

Michael: No, just-

Darryl: That was definitely not dancing.

Michael: You know what, guys? It's none of your concern. It was official business. So just-

Darryl: Paper business?

Michael: Yeah, paper business. Is this done?

Roy: Nope.

Michael: Extreme Home Makeover puts together a house in an hour. If you were on that crew, you'd be fired like that.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: Somebody did something bad to Michael's carpet. Maybe that's all we need to know.

CUT TO OUTSIDE OF MICHAEL'S OFFICE

(The blinds are drawn, but the camera finds a crack)

(Roy and Darryl are lying down, relaxing. Darryl is asleep)

CUT TO OFFICE AREA

(Michael in looking at something at his (Jim's) desk)

(In the distance Creed and Oscar are talking)

Creed: Who do you think did it?

Oscar: Are you kidding? I thought it was you.

Creed: Really? I thought you.

(They both start laughing)

(Michael hears them)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: This was no act of God. A person did this. A person who works in this office. Maybe all of them.

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE

Michael: You know what? Today is not a good day for a sales contest. We're-we're-we're not doing this today.

Pam: That doesn't seem fair.

Michael: You want to talk about fair? Does anyone need to smell my old carpet? You explain to me how that was fair. And I'll explain to you how this is fair. Plus, I just, I think that picking today was sort of taking advantage.

Dwight: But you're the one who picked today.

Michael: I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talking about.

Stanley: That's not what a hate crime is.

Michael: Well, I hated it, a lot, okay? I, you know what? If the guilty person would just come forward and take their punishment, we'd be done.

(Everybody looks around, no one steps forward)

Michael: Very well. Then you're all punished.

Pam: What's our punishment?

Michael: You're all on time out. Just sit there quietly.

(Phyllis' phone rings, she reaches for it)

Michael: Noooo, no.

CUT TO KITCHEN AREA

(Ryan is getting something out of the fridge)

(Jim goes to get more coffee)

Jim: Hey.

Ryan: What's up?

Jim: Nothing much. Let me ask you something. It's actually a little awkward. What do you think of Kelly?

Ryan: I don't know. Depends if you like a little junk in...(fades as he notices the camera) Um, she's really cool.

Jim: Are you interested in her?

Ryan: Yeah, totally.

Jim: Really?

Ryan: Did she say something?

Jim: She said lots of things.

Ryan: Do you know if she's looking for a long-term thing or if she'd be cool just, hanging out?

Jim: I have no idea.

Ryan: Can you find out?

Jim: Yeah. Sure.

CUT TO KELLY'S DESK AREA

Kelly: Oh, long-term, definitely. Fall in love, have babies, spend every second together. But don't tell him that, okay? Just tell him I'm, like, up for anything. I mean, I'm not a slut, but who knows.

(Jim sits there and silently listens)

CUT TO BREAKROOM

(Michael is sitting by the water cooler, Creed is by the vending machines)

Michael: Do you remember Ed Truck?

Creed: Sure, he hired me. How's he doing?

Michael: How would I know?

Creed: I thought you might.

Michael: My biggest fear is turning into him.

Creed: Michael, you should have much bigger fears than that.

Michael: I wasn't talking literally, Creed. Yeah, being buried alive would be worse. Happy? Why am I talking to you?

CUT TO OUTSIDE

Michael: Ed, hi, thanks for meeting me.

(They shake hands, Ed looks uncomfortably at the camera)

Michael: Must be kind of neat coming back.

Ed: Yeah. Shall we go upstairs?

Michael: Uh, well, honestly, Ed, I really don't want to be up there right now.

Ed: So, what's the problem with my pension?

Michael: Oh, no, no, no. You're good. It was clerical. You're good. Um, well, somebody did something in my office. And I now think that they did it on purpose and it was directed at me.

Ed: But what was done?

Michael: I didn't get a good look at it. But it smells horrible.

Ed: Yeah, somebody once did that in my office.

Michael: Really.

Ed: Yeah.

Michael: Well, that figures. So how did you deal with people not liking you?

Ed: You can't expect to be friends with everybody.

Michael: Well, sure I can.

Ed: No. They'll always think of you as a boss first.

Michael: Not necessarily. You can love a boss like you do a father.

Ed: I'm not sure that ever happens.

Michael: Well, ok, different management styles.

Ed: Why can't your workers be your workers, family be your family, your friends be your friends?

Michael: (VO) Last week, I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office.

CUT TO INDUVIDUDAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: I would have reached right into my stomach and pulled it our for them. But now, no.

CUT TO THE KITCHEN

(Jim is getting MORE coffee, he glances over to reception)

Michael: (VO) I don't have a relationship with these people that I thought I did.

(Pam is leaving, Jim waves at her)

Michael: (VO) I hope they ask.

(Pam doesn't see Jim and walks out)

(Jim turns around, a little hurt and upset)

Michael: (VO) So they can hear me say, uh, no.

CUT BACK TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: I only give my organs to my real friends. Get yourself a monkey kidney.

CUT TO KELLY'S DESK AREA

Jim: (oh phone) Hey, Brenda, this is, uh, Jim Halpert from the boat. (Kelly listens in) And I got your number from the corporate directory. And, well, I'm assuming that you probably gave it to them because you wanted me to ask you out, right? Um, so give me a call back. You can get my number from said directory, um, or just check your email cause I just sent you one. Yikes. Uh, give me a call back, I hope. I'll talk to you later. Bye.

Kelly: You just asked a girl out on the phone!

Jim: Yup.

CUT TO MICHAEL'S DESK

(The phone rings, Michael hits the speaker phone)

Michael: Yes.

Man on Phone: Hello. Yes. I'm looking for a gay nerd named Michael Scott.

Michael: Who is this? How did you get this number?

Man on Phone: Your mom, you gay nerd.

Michael: Oh my God. Packer. Packster! Wacky Pack. How you doing?

Todd: Hey, listen, did you get that package I left for you?

Michael: Uh, no. Did anybody see a package here today? No, how big was it?

Todd: It was pretty big.

Michael: Really?

Todd: Yeah.

Michael: Did you see a big package? Where did you leave it?

Todd: Left it in the middle of your office.

Michael: Really. (to Roy and Darryl) Guys, did you see a big package in my office?

Roy: You mean the thing?

(Todd cracks up on the phone)

Michael: Are you kidding me? Oh.

Todd: Special delivery.

Michael: That was Packer!

(Dwight makes a disgusted face)

Michael: Oh, you are, you are dead, my friend. That is hila- Oh God! Of course it was you.

Todd: Sit on the throne, Michael.

Michael: Oh, yeah, yeah! Oh my God. It was Packer.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don't expect everybody to understand. It was done out of love, just like I thought. It's, uh, God, these people are so, these are good people. We have fun. We just have fun. Oh, I'm just so sorry that I threw the thing out.

CUT TO LATER

(Jim is walking through a now empty office)

(He walks by his desk and notices the message light blinking on his phone)

(He picks up the phone)

Woman on Phone: You have 7 unheard messages.

Pam: (on phone) Hey, Jim. It's Pam. I keep looking up to say something to you, and then Michael's there. And it's horrible. Anyway, I'm bored. Come back.

(Jim starts to smile)

Pam: (message) Hey, guess what. I moved my computer so I can't see Michael's head. It's working. I think I can have a career as a very specific type of decorator.

(Jim's smile grows)

Pam: (message) Sudoku. Level, moderate. Time, 18 minutes. Suck on that Halpert.

(Jim is in the elevator)

Pam: (message) I'll transfer you.

(Jim walks outside)

Pam: (message) Dunder Mifflin this is Pam. Hold, please. Dunder Mifflin, this is- Okay, sorry. Michael was standing at my desk and I needed to be busy or who knows what would've happened. So thank you.

(Jim gets into his car)

Pam: (message) Hey, what's that word we made up for when you have a thing stuck in your shoe? Anyway, I have a thing stuck in my shoe.

(Jim starts his car)

Pam: (message) Hey, I have a chance to sneak out of here early, and I'm not messing this up so I'll see you tomorrow.

(Jim sits in his car for a while and smiles)

Pam: (message) Calling from my cell phone. I don't know if you guys figured out who did that to Michael's carpet yet, but I have a theory that it involves an interdepartmental conspiracy, everybody in the office. We need to talk.

THE END

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Transcribed by NIKKI for http://www.twiztv.com
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