THE OFFICE: AN AMERICAN WORKPLACE
2X12 - THE INJURY
Original Airdate (NBC): 12/JAN/2006

WRITTEN BY MINDY KALING
DIRECTED BY BRYAN GORDON
TRANSCRIBED BY NIKKI FOR "TWIZ TV.COM"
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DISCLAIMER:
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The following is not a novelization or an actual script but a dry transcript of the aired episode that includes accurate word-to-word dialogues, settings descriptions, action scenes and/or camera movements where the transcriber felt they were necessary. This transcript is posted on "TWIZ TV.COM" in world wide web exclusivity by courtesy of NIKKI.
I do not own the characters in the story (if only). "THE OFFICE" and other related entities are owned, (TM) and © by REVEILLE PRODUCTIONS and NBC UNIVERSAL TELEVISION. This transcript is posted here without their permission, approval, authorization or endorsement. Any reproduction, duplication, distribution or display of this material in any form or by any means is expressly prohibited. It is absolutely forbidden to use it for commercial gain. For entertainment and educational purposes only. No infringement intended.
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TRANSCRIPT:
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Guest star: Creed Bratton (Creed), Paul Lieberstein (Toby), Brian Baumgartner (Kevin), Oscar Nunez (Oscar), Kate Flannery (Meredith) , Leslie David Baker (Stanley), Phyllis Smith (Phyllis), Angela Kinsey (Angela)


INT. THE OFFICE

(Everybody is talking and laughing)

Oscar: ...but the Lord of the Rings trilogy, if you see it back to back...

CUT TO RECEPTION

(Jim is leaning on the counter talking to Pam)

(The phone rings)

Pam: Dunder Mifflin this is Pam.

Michael: (on phone) Pam, it's Michael. Help me, I need help right now!

Pam: Michael, what's wrong?

Michael: I'm hurt, I have hurt myself. Oh my God!!

(Pam listens concerned)

Pam: Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Michael: Oh, this is not looking good Pam!

Pam: Michael, do you need me to call you an ambulance?

Jim: What?

Michael: No, I want you to pick me up.

Pam: Okay.

Jim: What's going on?

Michael: Ohh!

Pam: Wait a sec, I thought you said that you were hurt.

Michael: I am hurt. I hurt my foot.

Jim: I'm sorry? Pam, what's going on?

Michael: I want to come to work...

(Pam looks at Jim with and exasperated/worried look on her face and points to the phone)

Michael: ...but I need you to come pick me up.

(Jim reaches over and turns the speaker phone on)

Michael: (on speaker phone) Ohh, God!

(Angela looks over to see what's going on)

Jim: Hey, whoa! Michael!

Michael: Oh, God!

Jim: It's okay. It's Jim. Just say again, really loudly, uh, what happened.

Michael: Okay, Buhh! I burned my foot.

(Everybody in the office is listening now)

Michael: Very badly on my Foreman grill and I now need someone to come and bring me into work.

Jim: You burned YOUR foot on a Foreman Grill?

(Jim looks at the camera with a look of pity for Michael)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon. Sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me. It's a perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill (uncovers his foot for the camera) and it clamped down on my foot, that's it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that.

CUT BACK TO THE RECEPTION AREA

Michael: Pam, could you come get me?

Pam: Uh, I have to stay here and answer the phone.

Michael: Okay, could someone come and get me, please? Ryan?

(Ryan stops walking in the background at the mention of his name)

Pam: Michael, you should stay home and rest.

Michael: There's no toliet paper here. Could Ryan...Tell Ryan to bring toliet paper! Could you tell him that?

(Ryan looks up in frustration)

Kevin: Can you hop?

Michael: I tried hopping Kevin, and I bumped my elbow against the wall, and now my elbow has a "protruberence".

(People snicker)

Michael: No one wants to pick me up?!

(Creed shakes his head in the background)

(Dwight walks up)

Dwight: What is going on? What is going on?

Pam: (trying not to laugh) Michael is, um, (air quotes) sick. And he wants one of us to rescue him.

 

 

Michael: I'm not sick, I'm-

Dwight: I'm coming, Michael!

Jim: Oh.

(Dwight runs to his desk and grabs his keys)

Dwight: I'm going to save you! Michael is in trouble!

Michael: Don't! Is that Dwight? I do not want Dwight.

Dwight: Okay, hold on Michael, I am coming! Wait there!

Michael: I do not want Dwight!

Pam: Michael, why don't you call your girlfriend?

Michael: I don't have a girlfriend.

Jim: But you said you went out with her this weekend.

Michael: It was all made up.

(People try not to laugh)

Michael: Just, someone come, okay? Anyone. Anyone but Dwight.

(In the distance tires can be heard screeching followed by a loud crash)

Jim: What was that?

Pam: What WAS that?

(Everybody makes their way to the window)

(Jim pulls up the blinds and we see that Dwight has crashed his car into a pole outside)

Jim: Ooh!

Pam: Oh.

Jim: He hit the pole.

(Dwight gets out of his car holding his head)

Jim: It's broken, right? He can't-

Pam: Oh my gosh.

Jim: Oh, Dwight. Dwight.

(Dwight woozily walks around then vomits on the back window of his car)

Jim: Ooh!

Pam: Oh!

Phyllis: Oh my Gosh.

Jim: Oh my God.

Pam: Is he okay?

Jim: He's still driving. Dwight...you forgot your bumper!

(Quick cut back to reception)

Michael: (on speaker phone) Hello? Please don't send Dwight.

CUT TO INTRO WITH CREDITS

INT. THE OFFICE

(Michael comes into the office on crutches and bubble wrap around his right foot)

(Dwight is following with an arm full of blankets)

Michael: (in a calming voice) Morning everyone. Don't freak out. I forbid anybody to freak out. (Angela rolls her eyes) Clearly I have had a very serious accident. But I will recover. God willing. I just wanna be treated normally today. Normal would actually be good. Considering the trauma that I've been through.

Pam: You missed two big conference calls today. One with corporate.

Michael: Oh, did you explain why?

Pam: No, I didn't mention that you cooked your foot.

Michael: Burned my foot, Pam.

(Popping sounds can be heard)

Michael: Please stop popping my cast.

(The camera tilts down to Michael's foot to reveal Jim poppiing the bubble wrap)

Michael: Thank you.

Jim: So where are you shipping your foot?

Michael: Ha ha ha. So where are you shipping...

Dwight: Your foot.

CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE

(Dwight is waving a little fan around Michael's foot)

(Pam is uncomfortably watching)

Michael: Thank you. Pam, messages please.

Pam: You didn't have any.

Michael: Really? Well, seemed, uh, very important to you earlier, that you needed to stay and..

Pam: Do my job?

Michael: No. Your job is being my friend, Pam...and-

(The fan dips down onto Michael's foot)

Michael: Ow! God!

Dwight: It slipped.

Michael: What did-

Dwight: Sorry.

Pam: It's just that before, you said you didn't want any special treatment.

Michael: I don't want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would a family member who's undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don't think that's too much to ask.

Pam: Do you want some aspirin? Because you seem a little fussy.

Michael: No, I don't want some aspirin. Yeah, I am fussy. Asiprin's not gonna do a damn thing. I'm sitting here with a bloody stump of a foot.

Dwight: Pam, I am Assistant Regional Manager. And I can take care of him. Part of my duties are to...

(Dwight stops talking, Pam waits for him to continue)

(Silence)

Michael: What? Part of your duties are to what?

Dwight: What?

Michael: You just said part of your duties are to something.

Dwight: No, I didn't.

Michael: Yes, you did. What is wrong with you?

Dwight: (laughs) What is wrong with you?

(Pam gets a confused look on her face)

CUT TO DWIGHT'S DESK

(Dwight is busy typing something into his computer)

(The camera zooms in on his monitor)

(He is naming a New Folder on his desktop by typing his name in over and over and over)

CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM

(Michael is sitting on a couch with blankets and pillows)

(Ryan is unpacking some food)

Michael: Where is my cornbread?

Ryan: Here you go.

Michael: Thank you. Did you get all dark meat like I like?

Ryan: Yes, I ordered three full rotisserie chickens worth of all dark meat. (looks at camera)

Michael: Where are the yams?

Ryan: They were out of yams. I got you creamed spinach.

Michael: Did you go to the one in Stroudsburg?

Ryan: Yes.

Michael: And they had no yams?

Ryan: They had no yams.

Michael: How strange. Because they always have yams.

CUT TO RECEPTION

(Pam is playing with an MP3 player)

Dwight: Oh, man, is that a Prism Duro Sport?

Pam: You've seen one of these?

Dwight: Yeah, they're like an iPod, only they're better. 'Cause they're chunkier and more solid.

Pam: Roy gave it to me for Christmas. I'm trying to figure out how to put songs on it.

Dwight: Oh, no, no, no. Don't go there. I know this Russian website, where you can download songs for two cents a piece.

Pam: Really?

Dwight: Yeah, I'll write down the address for you. Only, the only thing is...is that all the songs, are in Russian.

(Pam rolls her eyes)

Dwight: Kidding!

Pam: Oh...oh!

(They both start laughing)

Dwight: Why would they all be...Okay, see you later, Pan.

(He walks off, Pam thinks about it)

Pam: Pan?

(Michael is calling form the conference room)

Michael: Pam! Pam?

Pam: Oh, God.

(Michael picks up the phone and calls Pam, Pam puts him on speaker phone)

Pam: What?

Michael: (whiny) Come here, please.

Pam: Tell me before I come there.

Michael: I want you to rub butter on my foot.

Pam: No.

Michael: Pam, please. I have Country Crock.

Pam: No.

(Michael hangs the phone up and picks up a crutch)

(Starts hitting the blinds)

Michael: Ryan! Ryan! Ryan!

(Ryan watches and realizes he can't escape the inevitable)

CUT TO RECEPTION

(Dwight is snapping a cover over Pam's MP3 player)

Dwight: These covers...are totally indestructable.

Pam: Really?

Dwight: Yeah. Throw it. I promise it won't break. Chuck it.

(Pam tosses near Jim)

(Jim looks)

(Dwight goes and picks it up)

Dwight: Oh, no, it's broken.

Pam: What?

Dwight: No, it's fine. I told you it wouldn't break. You could throw it all day long.

Pam: That is so cool. Thanks Dwight.

Dwight: You're welcome.

(Dwight taps the counter in a Jim fashion and heads back to his desk)

(Jim notices this exchange)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM

Jim: So, I guess Pam and Dwight are friends now. (shrugs)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: Oh, God, no. Dwight isn't my friend. (thinks about it) Oh my God...Dwight's kind of my friend.

CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM

(Michael is talking on the phone)

Michael: No, no, no one is helping me out at all, Mom. No, I'm not gonna call Jan. She'd just worry. Drive down here and make a big thing. (listens) Who told you that? No, it was mutual. What is Pam doing chatting with you?

CUT TO BREAK ROOM

(Angela is buying something from the vending machine)

(Dwight walks in)

Dwight: Hmm. Do you like candy?

Angela: It's alright.

Dwight: 'Cause you're sweeter than candy.

Angela: What is wrong with you?

(Dwight playfully slaps her rear)

Angela: Hey, cut-

(Angela hits him as Dwight gleefully runs away)

CUT TO THE KITCHEN

(Toby hands Ryan a package of string cheese from the fridge)

(Michael is trying to open the door with his crutches)

(He fails and starts hitting the blinds with a crutch)

(Ryan finally looks up)

(Michael hits the door, Ryan walks over and opens the door)

(Michael enters and goes to the restroom)

(Ryan watches as he takes a big bite from his cheese stick)

Toby: Wow, you just dive right in.

Ryan: You know, around age 12, I just started going for it, you know?

(All of a sudden, a crash is heard from the bathroom)

Michael: (OS) Oh! Gaa!

(Toby looks at Ryan and walks over to the door)

Michael: (OS) Help! Oh, help! Help me!

(Toby cracks the door open slightly)

Toby: W-what happened?

Michael: (OS) I fell of the toilet. I'm caught between the toilet and the wall.

Toby: What do you need?

Michael: (OS) Ugh. Not you. Someone else. Get Pam.

Toby: I don't think Pam's gonna want to come into the men's room.

Michael: (OS) Get Ryan. He needs to lift me.

(The camera pans over to Ryan who shakes his head)

Michael: (OS) And he needs to clean me up a little bit. Bring a wet towel.

(Ryan gets a troubled/scared look on his face and shakes his head again)

Toby: Ryan is, uh...

(Ryan makes a throat slitting gesture)

Toby: ...dead.

Michael: (OS) No he's not.

Toby: Dead.

Michael: (OS) I just saw him.

Toby: No, he's...can you just get up yourself? I-you only grilled your foot.

Michael: (OS) Oh, forget it. I'll just get up myself.

(More crashing is heard)

Michael: (OS) Ohh! Oww! Ow! Ow, God!

CUT TO RECEPTION

(Pam is highlighting a document and Jim walks up)

Jim: Do you think Dwight's being a little weird today?

Pam: No...he's actually been really nice and helpful.

Jim: And that isn't weird?

Pam: Well...

(Pam looks over at Dwight)

(Michael comes out of the kitchen area)

Michael: Can I have everyone's attention, please? Phyllis...Oscar...Ryan, who is supposed to be dead. Can I ask you all a question? Do you know what it's like to be disabled? Oscar?

Phyllis: Um...I had scoliosis as a girl.

Michael: Never heard of it. No...a real disability. Not a woman's trouble.

Creed: When I was a teenager, I was in an iron lung.

Michael: Wha- how old are you? No, it- Look, the point is...I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability. Although I'm sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles.

Stanely: I'm not disabled, and neither are you.

Michael: Okay.

(Frustrated he throws a crutch and hold up his burned foot)

Michael: What does this look like to you, Stanley?

Stanley: (unimpressed) Mail Boxes, Etc.

Michael: Shut...it. Okay. Well...Well, you know what? Disabilities are not things to be laughed at, or laughed about. You people are jerks. Imagine if you had left Stevie Wonder on the floor of that bathroom instead of me.

Phyllis: Oh, we wouldn't. We love Stevie Wonder.

Michael: I BURNED MY FOOT! Okay, 20 minutes, conference room. Everybody's in there!

(Michael heads into his office)

(Dwight looks at Creed)

Dwight: Dad?

CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM

(There are pictures of people hanging on the wall)

Michael: While we are waiting for our special guest to arrive. I wanted you all to take a look at a few of the many, many disabled icons who have contributed so much to our society.

Jim: Quick question.

Michael: Yeah?

Jim: Uh, why is Tom Hanks on the wall?

Ryan: Twice.

(Jim smiles)

Michael: Good question. Forrest Gump, mentally challenged. Philadelphia...AIDS.

Kevin: I think that's from Big.

Michael: I don't think so, no.

Kelly: Yeah, he's dancing on a piano with Robert Loggia.

Michael: He grew into a man overnight. A rare disability. It still works. (sighs) A crossword puzzle Stanley? Seriously, are you learning nothing here?

Stanley: (not even looking up) Mm-hmm.

Michael: What do you mean, "Mm-hmm"?

Stanley: I mean I'm learning nothing.

Michael: Okay.

(A guy in a wheelchair appears in the office)

Billy: Michael Scott. I'm looking for Michael Scott.

Michael: Yes, right in here.

Billy: Good.

Michael: Come on in..

Billy: Great.

Michael: This ladies and gentlemen, is our special guest.

Billy: Sorry I'm late. Somebody parked in the handicapped parking space.

Michael: Oh.

Billy: Hey, everyone. I'm Billy Merchant. You may have seen me around here before. I'm the properties manager of this office park.

Michael: You are so brave. You are so brave.

Billy: Thank you. Actually, I've been meaning to come by here or a long time-

Michael: But it's hard for you, right? Because you're in a wheelchair.

(Pam rubs her temple)

Billy: No, I just have a lot of properties to manage.

Michael: Let me ask you something. How long does it take you to do something simple? Everyday, like- like brush your teeth in the morning.

Billy: I don't know, like, 30 seconds.

Michael: Oh, my God. That's three times as long as it takes me.

(Jim does the math and gets a concerned look on his face)

Michael: How did you, get in your wheelchair?

Billy: This morning? Just like every other morning. Just climbed on in.

(Billy smiles as everybody laughs)

Michael: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Not funny, not funny!

Billy: Hey, hey, relax just, uh...joking around here.

Michael: Well, that's good. He still has a sense of humor.

Billy: Listen, I've actually used a chair since I was four years old. I don't really notice it anymore.

Michael: Well, they do. They notice it. Don't you? You notice it. It's the first thing you saw when he rolled in here, isn't it?

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM

Jim: I wanna clamp Michael's face in a George Foreman Grill.

CUT BACK TO CONFERENCE ROOM

Billy: So there are jsut a couple things I wanted to remind everybody of.

Michael: Okay.

Billy: First is parking. You can't block the freight entrance with your car, even if your blinkers are on. Does anybody have any questions?

(Dwight has his hand raised)

Billy: Yes?

(No response from Dwight)

Billy: Yeah?

(Dwight sits there with his hand raised)

Billy: Yes?

(Pam finally looks over at Dwight)

Pam: (quietly) Dwight, you have your hand up.

(Dwight looks over at his arm, then puts it down)

Michael: Ignore him. You know what? We're not that different, you and I. When I clamped my foot into a non-stick-

Billy: You know what, Michael?

Michael: Yeah?

Billy: Let me stop you right there...

Michael: Okay.

Billy: ...and leave.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: Did you see "Born on the 4th of July"? I was under the impression that Billy would be more like that guy.

CUT TO THE ELEVATOR

(Jim is standing by the elevator with Billy)

Billy: What's wrong with that guy?

Jim: You mean today? He stepped on a George Forman Grill and he burned his foot.

Billy: No, not Michael. The moon-faced kid who crashed into the pole. He looks like he has a concussion.

(Jim looks at the camera as if just now taking thinking of that possibility)

CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE

(Michael is popping his cast)

Michael: Hey!

(Ryan walks in)

Ryan: I found the pudding cups you wanted at a gas station in Carbondale!

Michael: You did it. Look at you! And with the plate and the napkin. Very nice. Thank you, Ryan.

Ryan: You're very welcome.

Michael: Did you get the yams?

Ryan: (feigning surprise) No, the gas station in Carbondale did not have fresh yams.

Michael: (sighs) Okay. I'll just have the pudding.

Ryan: You sure?

Michael: Yeah.

Ryan: Okay.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

(He is eating the pudding)

Michael: You know what? I feel better. Ryan brought me some chocolate pudding and his kindness healed my foot.

CUT TO THE OFFICE

(Dwight is sitting at his desk staring into space, unblinking)

(Michael comes out of his office)

Michael: Yeah, baby! I am feelin' better. My body's literally healing itself. It is amazing what the human body is capable of when you have a powerful brain.

(Quick cut of Ryan crushing some asiprin with a spoon)

Ryan: (VO) I ground up four extra strength asiprin and put them in Michael's pudding.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF RYAN

Ryan: I do the same thing for my dog to get him to take his heartworm medicine.

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE

Michael: Ohh, finally feel the blood coursing through my foot veins.

(A thud is heard)

Dwight: Ohh!

(The camera pans around to show Dwight laying on his desk)

Jim: Oh! Okay, I think we need to take him to the hospital, because...I'm pretty sure he has a concussion.

(Angela helps Jim put Dwight upright)

Michael: Oh, now you feel some compassion for him.

(Dwight is holding his head)

Angela: He needs to go right now. And you're his emergency contact. I think you should go with him.

Michael: Why don't you go with him?

Angela: (flustered) I...barely know him.

Dwight: I want Michael to take me.

Michael: I can't take you. I don't have my car.

Dwight: Please?

Michael: And yours is all vomity.

Meredith: You can take my van!

Michael: Oh, okay. That's great. No, I can't drive. Jim, why don't you drive?

Jim: Fine.

Michael: We'll go. I'm still recovering. So let's just- Ryan, can you get my coat please?

(Jim helps Dwight walk to the door)

Jim: Slowly. 'Kay? Let's just get to the elevator.

(Dwight starts making helicopter sounds)

Jim: What are you doing?

Dwight: Vietnam sounds.

Jim: Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

(Jim puts Dwight down on the couch)

Dwight: Tired.

Jim: Can't lay down.

Dwight: Just take a rake-

(Jim grabs the water sprayer from a nearby plant)

(He sprays Dwight in the face)

Jim: Wake up!

Dwight: Ahh!

Pam: Wait, here, let me help you Dwight. Come on. Get up.

Dwight: Thanks.

Pam: Get up.

Dwight: You're the best.

Pam: Yeah.

Jim: Just keep him awake.

Dwight: It smells like chicken soup.

(Pam starts walking Dwight to the door as Jim goes to get the keys)

Pam: I know.

Dwight: I have to go to the hospital.

Pam: I know.

Dwight: Where are we going?

Pam: I just wanna say good-bye, okay?

Dwight: I'll be back, I mean...

Pam: Yes, I know. But it's gonna be different.

Dwight: Why?

Pam: It's just hard to explain.

Dwight: Oh, Pam, you're adorable.

(Dwight leans in and taps Pam on the nose)

Pam: Oh, my goodness. Come here.

(Pam hugs Dwight)

Dwight: Ohh. Huggy hugs.

(Pam laughs)

CUT TO OUTSIDE

(Jim is helping Dwight)

(Michael opens the door)

Michael: Shotgun!

Jim: You don't think you should sit in the back with Dwight?

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: The rules of shotgun are very simple and very clear. The first person to shout shotgun when you're within the sight of the car gets the front seat. That's how the game's played. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion.

CUT BACK TO OUTSIDE

Michael: Oh, God, a minivan. What is Meredith's problem?

Jim: Well, I think she has a kid.

Michael: Yeah, she has one kid and no husband. She's not going to find one driving this thing around.

Dwight: Where are we going?

Jim: Come on. Get inside.

Dwight: Where are we going?

Jim: We're going to Chuck E. Cheese.

Michael: Chuck E. Cheese? Oh, God. I'm so sick of Chuck E. Cheese.

Jim: We're going to the hospital, Michael.

Michael: I know. I'm just sayin'...

CUT TO THE VAN

(They are on their way to the hospital)

(Michael turns around in his seat to find Dwight opening a liquor bottle)

Michael: Dwight, what are you drinking?

Dwight: I found it under the seat.

(Jim looks in the rearview mirror)

Jim: Oh, my God. Dwight.

Dwight: I'm thirsty.

Jim: Put that down.

(Jim sprays Dwight with the water bottle)

Dwight: Noo!

Jim: Give the bottle to Michael.

Dwight: Noo!

(Jim sprays Dwight again)

Jim: Just give the bottle to Michael.

Dwight: I'm thirsty.

Michael: Just give it to me-

(Michael tries to grab it away, Jim looks)

Michael: Just keep your eyes on the road. Give me the bottle or you're fired.

Dwight: You can't fire me, I don't work in this van!

Michael: Give it to me, Dwight!

(Michael attempts to grab it again)

Dwight: No, stop.

Michael: Give me the bottle!

Jim: Will you stop?

Michael: Give me the bottle, Dwight!

Jim: Michael, stop!

Michael: Just give it!

Jim: Michael, stop!

(Jim sprays Michael)

Michael: Just...stop it!

(Jim sprays Dwight)

Dwight: Ahh!

Michael: Stop spraying! Gimmme the bottle.

Jim: Stop!

(Sprays Michael)

Michael: Stop spraying me! Gimme the bottle!

CUT TO THE HOSPITAL

(Michael is filling out the paper work)

(Dwight is sitting there, mouth agape, completely dazed)

Michael: Dwight, what is your middle name?

Dwight: Danger.

Michael: Something with a "K."

Jim: It's Kurt. Wow, I'm so sad that I know that.

Michael: What do I write under reason for visit?

Jim: Concussion.

(Michael scratches something out)

Jim: What did you write?

Michael: Ahem, nothing. I wrote "bringing someone to the hospital."

Jim: So you thought they meant YOUR reason for coming to the hospital.

Michael: No, no. You know what, Jim? This isn't about me anymore. I made a miraculous recovery, which is more than I can say for him.

(Dwight starts closing his eyes and leaning towards Jim)

Jim: Come on, Dwight.

(Jim sprays Dwight, he wakes up)

Dwight: Hi, Michael.

Michael: Hi, Dwight.

CUT TO EXAM ROOM

(The doctor is shining a light in Dwight's eyes)

Dwight: Ahh. Uhh.

Michael: Doctor, what is more serious, a head injury or a foot injury?

Doctor: A head injury.

Michael: Well, you don't have all the information. The foot had been severly burned, and, uh, healed quickly. very quickly. Actually, like suspiciously quickly.

Doctor: So I'm ordering a CAT scan.

Dwight: What is that?

Michael: Look, since you have the machine up and running, can I just stick my foot in? We can take a look....

Doctor: Well...for a burn, you really just need to look at the outside of the foot.

Michael: Okay, what kind of machine is that?

Doctor: Does the skin look red and swollen?

Dwight: That's what she said.

(Dwight looks slyly at the camera, the doctor laughs)

Michael: That's my joke. Damn it, Dwight.

CUT TO HALLWAY

(Dwight is being pushed in a wheelchair, Michael is crutch walking beside them)

Radiologist: Okay, no electronics past this point. (she looks at the camera) Camera, sound equipment.

Michael: It's okay, they're with me.

Radiologist: No metal of any kind.

Michael: All right, well, I guess this is where we leave you off.

Dwight: I don't wanna do this.

Michael: Uh, well, you should have thought of that before you crashed your head on your way to pick me up, so...we'll see you when you get out.

Dwight: (sadly) Oh.

Michael: Fine, fine.

(Michael puts his crutches against the wall, takes off his microphone and watch)

CUT TO THE OFFICE

(The phone rings)

Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.

CUT TO THE HOSPITAL

Jim: Dunder Mifflin, this is Jim.

Pam: (on phone) Oh, my God, what's going on?

CUT TO OFFICE

Pam: Is Dwight okay?

Jim: (on phone) Mm-hmm, he should be fine. But they brought him in for a CAT scan.

Pam: I can't believe he's getting a CAT scan.

CUT TO THE SCANNING ROOM AT THE HOSPITAL

(Dwight is lying on the table of the machine)

(Dwight lifts his hand to Michael as the table moves)

Jim: (VO) Michael went in there with him too. It's pretty sweet.

Pam: Really? Michael went in with him?

Jim: (VO) Mm-hmm.

CUT TO OFFICE

Pam: Wow.

Jim: (on phone) But they shouldn't be much longer now. So we'll be back soon.

(The camera pulls out to show Angela listening from over the partition)

Pam: Okay, that's...

(Pam looks over to Angela, Angela quickly ducks her head)

Pam: ...good news. Um, (looks at camera confused) uh, yeah, no. I'll let you go.

Jim: Okay.

Pam: okay.

Jim: Bye.

Pam: Bye.

(Pam hangs up the phone and looks back to where Angela was)

(She looks at the camera and smiles, she's figured it out)

(Pam leans over the copier)

Pam: Hey, Oscar?

Oscar: What's up Pam?

Pam: I just wanted to let you know that Dwight's gonna be okay.

(The camera slowly starts zooming in on Angela who's trying to listen without being obvious)

Pam: The doctor said there's a really simple treatment for a concussion, so he'll probably even be back at work tomorrow.

(Angela has a worried look on her face)

Oscar: Okay.

Pam: I just, uh, thought you'd wanna know that.

CUT TO HOSPITAL

(Michael has his hand on Dwight's foot as he's in the machine)

(Michael smells his hand)

Radiologist: Okay, Mr. Schrute, inhale with me on three. One, two...

(Michael quickly sticks his foot into the machine)

Radiologist: Sir, stop that. Stop...Stop that.

(Michael takes his foot out of the machine)

THE END

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Transcribed by NIKKI for http://www.twiztv.com
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