The following is not a novelization or an actual script but a dry transcript of the aired episode that includes accurate word-to-word dialogues, settings descriptions, action scenes and/or camera movements where the transcriber felt they were necessary. This transcript is posted on "TWIZ TV.COM" in world wide web exclusivity by courtesy of NIKKI.
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TRANSCRIPT:
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Guest star: Paul Lieberstein (Toby), Leslie David Baker (Stanley), Craig Robinson (Darryl), Brian Baumgartner (Kevin), David Denman (Roy), Mindy Kaling (Kelly), Kate Flannery (Meredith), Angela Kinsey (Angela), Creed Bratton (Creed), Oscar Nunez (Oscar) , David Koechner (Todd Packer), Phyllis Smith (Phyllis)


INT. THE OFFICE

(Pam is at reception putting Christmas cards into envelopes)

Michael: (OS) Go, in the door..

(Michael opens the door to the office holding the top of a Christmas tree)

Dwight: (OS) I can't get through. Push.

Michael: Oh God!

Dwight: Push.

Michael: No no no! Turn it around. Turn it around, you're breaking-

Dwight: Shove it through!

Michael: You shove it! Shove it back!

(Michael smiles at the camera as he maneuvers the Christmas tree)

(The whole office looks now to see what's going on)

Michael: (OS) Here we go.

(Dwight is now coming in the door with the other end of the tree)

Michael: (OS) Don't break the branches, Dwight.

Dwight: (panting) Ah, I got a splinter.

Michael: Well, suck it up, we all have problems. Hey everybody. Look what we have! (laughs) Nice, huh?

(They put the tree down)

Dwight: I've got it leveraged. Push!

Michael: On three.

Dwight: Straight up.

Michael: Ready, one, two, three.

(They stand the tree upright, but it's too tall and it pushes through some ceiling tile)

(Jim smiles at the camera)

Michael: (to the whole office) Merry Christmas!

CUT TO INTRO WITH CREDITS

INT. THE OFFICE

(Kevin is hacking the top of the tree off with the paper cutter)

(He finally gets through chops the top off)

Michael: Did it work?

Kevin: Well, sort of.

(Holds the top of the tree for Michael)

Kevin: Why did you get it so big?

Michael: 'A', that's what she said. (laughs) And 'B', I wanted it to be impressive. The biggest day of the year deserves the biggest tree of the year.

Kevin: But what are we going to do with this hacked off part?

Michael: Well, that is a perfectly good mini tree Kevin. And we are going to sell that to charity. That's what Christmas is all about.

(Kevin holds up the mini tree for the camera and twitches a smile)

CUT TO LATER

(The tree is set up with a very large flat top)

(The camera tilts up to the ceiling tile above the tree, it's still messed up)

(Dwight is slowly vacuuming extra pine needles off the floor with a dust buster)

Jim: (VO) So this year, for the first time ever...

CUT TO BREAK ROOM

Jim: ...I got Pam in Secret Santa. And I got her this, uh, teapot. (Jim holds up a greenish colored teapot) Which I know she really wants. So she can make tea at her desk, but I'm also gonna stuff it with some inside jokes. (puts in a cassette tape) Like, this is my high school yearbook photo. She saw it at the party, and it really makes her laugh. I'm not sure why. Um, what else? Ooh, this is hot sauce packet. She put this on a hot dog a couple of years ago because she thought it was ketchup. And, uh, it was really funny, so I kept the other two. (holds up a little pencil) This would take a little too long to explain, so I won't. And this is a card. Because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel. (gets a little thoughtful and does a quick smile to the camera)

CUT TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM

Angela: Is there anything we're missing? Phyllis, you got the lights?

Phyllis: Yes, I got those cute little ones. Do you think I should have gotten the big ones?

Angela: (a bit peeved) We'll see.

Ryan: (VO) Angela, drafted me into the party planning committee.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF RYAN

Ryan: Her memo said that we need to prepare for every possible disaster. Which to me seems...excessive.

CUT BACK TO CONFERENCE ROOM

(Michael comes jogging in with a Santa hat and beard on)

Michael: Merry Christmas! (pointing to the ladies) Ho ho ho! (pointing to Ryan) Pimp! I'm kidding. What do we got? What do we got? How many plates are we getting?

Phyllis: Fifty.

Michael: Ooh, double it. Double everything. Double ice cream. Double napkins. Double it. On me.

(Michael takes out a wad of cash and places a couple bills on the table)

Michael: (VO) It was a tough year. I had to fire somebody this year.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: This party has to really rock. Check it out. Christmas bonus. Three-thousand G's. I got this for helping save the company money. So I guess some good came out of firing Devin after all. Maybe I should call him, tell him that.

CUT BACK TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM

Michael: I want people to cut loose. I want people...making out in closets.

(Michael pushes Phyllis and Angela's head together and makes snogging sounds)

(He lets go and starts laughing)

Michael: I want, I want people hanging from the ceilings, lampshades on the heads. I want it to be a Playboy Mansion party. And also, I want you to know, and spread the word, that I will have my digital camera. And I will be taking pictures all along the way. And the best and craziest thing that happens will be on the cover of the newsletter. Incentive.

Pam: You do realize that we can't serve liquor at the party.

Michael: Yeah, I know. Dammit. Stupid corporate wet blankets. (to camera) Like booze ever killed anybody. (rolls his eyes)

(Pam looks at the camera)

CUT TO OFFICE AREA

(Oscar and Kevin are moving a desk)

Oscar: One, two, three.

(They both strain to lift and only manage to move the desk a little ways)

Dwight: You guys should use a hand truck.

Kevin: Do we have one?

Dwight: No.

CUT TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM

(Angela is trying to lay a plastic table cover on the table, Pam stands by timidly)

Angela: (annoyed) Will you help me?

CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE

Michael: No. No way. It- no.

Darryl: Come on, Mike. Let me borrow the hat. For just a couple of hours.

Michael: You wanna be Santa?

Darryl: Yeah.

Michael: Have you ever seen Santa?

Darryl: Yeah, I've SEEN Santa. Who cares?

Michael: Okay, well, I'm sorry. It just doesn't work.

Dwight: Michael, I would like to be the elf.

Michael: (to camera) That makes sense, because he has elfish features.

(Darryl just stares at Michael)

CUT TO THE OFFICE AREA

(Dwight is wearing elf ears and a pointy green hat)

Dwight: Okay, everyone, listen up! It is time, to get your presents, wrap them, and place them under the tree like so.

(All the while Dwight is demonstrating with his own present)

(The whole office is half-heartedly listening)

Dwight: If you do not get your present wrapped and under the tree within the next five minutes (starts his watch) you will be disqualified from Secret Santa. All right? No exceptions. Except Michael.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF TOBY

Toby: I got Angela. She's into these posters of babies...

(Quick cut to Toby holding up a poster of two babies in hats playing toy saxophones)

Toby: (VO)...dressed as adults. I got her one of those.

(Cut back to Toby's desk)

Toby: I felt kind of weird buying that.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF OSCAR

Oscar: I got Creed. And to tell you the truth, I don't know anything about Creed. I know his name's Creed. I know he works right over there. I think he's Irish and I... I got him this, uh, shamrock keychain.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF KEVIN

Kevin: I got myself for Secret Santa. I was suppose to tell somebody, but I didn't. (he smiles his wicked/mischievous grin)

CUT TO THE OFFICE AREA

(Michael walks over to Jim's desk)

Michael: You get something good this year?

Jim: Uh, I think I did a pretty good job.

Michael: Yeah? Who'd you have?

Jim: (glances at Pam) I can't tell you, 'cause it's a secret.

Michael: I think I got something pretty nice for my guy.

Jim: Yeah?

Michael: Spent a lot of dough. A lot of dough. Wow.

Jim: Well, there, there's a $20 limit, right? So.

Michael: Yeah, I wanted this party to be really special, so I sorta went above and beyond.

Jim: That's great, well, don't tell me who it is, 'cause-

Michael: It was Ryan! Yep, I have Ryan.

(Jim looks at the camera)

Dwight: Gather 'round. Secret Santa, let's go. Let's go. Come on.

(Stanley picks up the light cord)

Dwight: Stanley, no. I'm gonna handle the cord. 'kay? Safety reasons.

Stanley: I know how to plug something in.

Dwight: (taking the plug) I wanna do it.

(Dwight runs over to the outlet)

Michael: All right, let's count it down. Like Rockefeller Center.

(Michael takes a picture of the tree)

Michael: Ready?

(Dwight gives him the thumbs up and turns off the lights)

All: Three, two, one. Yeah!

(Tiny, little lights come on, very, very dimly)

Michael: Not great.

Phyllis: Sorry, everybody.

(Michael sighs)

Pam: I think the tree looks nice.

(Angela folds her arms and looks majorly pissed at the tree)

Dwight: Hey, I could get some flares from my car.

Michael: No, no. Shake it off, everybody. Just, let's do Secret Santa.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, "Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth."

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE

Dwight: First present, Oscar.

(Dwight hands Oscar a gift which he immediately opens)

Oscar: A shower radio, neat.

Kelly: Oh, great. That was from me.

Oscar: Thanks, Kelly. You know, I was gonna get one of these-

Dwight: Okay, okay, that's enough. Let's keep it moving on. Jim.

(Dwight tosses a plastic grocery bag to Jim)

Jim: Ah, cool.

(Jims opens the bag and pulls out an old flannel shirt)

Creed: That's from me.

Jim: Great. Where'd you get it?

Creed: I don't know, it was so long ago.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM

(Jim is wearing the shirt that Creed gave him)

Jim: He obviously forgot to get me something. And then he went into his closet and dug out this little number. (Jim holds up his arms to reveal that the shirt only goes halfway on his forearms) And then threw it in a bag.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF CREED

Creed: Yep, that's exactly what happened.

CUT BACK TO THE PARTY

Dwight: Pam.

(Pam's present is passed to her and she starts to open it)

(Jim watches her with a smile on his face)

Pam: Oh, my God! (holds up the teapot) Thank you very much, Santa. Whoever you are. It's awesome.

Jim: There's a little more to it-

Dwight: (interrupting) All right, next. Ryan.

(Dwight tosses Ryan his gift)

Michael: Don't!

(Ryan catches it and opens it)

Ryan: Whoa. A video iPod.

Michael: Ho ho, wow, geez. Somebody really got carried away with the spirit of Christmas. It was me. I got carried away with the spirit.

Ryan: Wasn't there a $20 limit on the gift? This is 400 bucks.

Michael: You don't know that.

Ryan: Yeah, you left the price tag on.

Michael: I did, what? Oh, shoot. Wow, okay. Well, who cares? It doesn't matter what I spent. What matters is that Christmas is fun, right?

Dwight: (holds up a present) Michael.

Michael: Oh, hey. For me? What is in here?

(Phyllis watches expectedly)

Michael: Oh, come on.

Phyllis: I-I knitted it for you.

Michael: An oven mitt?

(Phyllis nods)

Michael: (a bit annoyed) Okay.

(Michael starts walking out of the office)

(He throws his Santa hat on the couch as he passes it)

Michael: (VO) So Phyllis is basically saying, "Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year. But I only care about you...

CUT TO MICHAEL IN THE HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF THE OFFICE

Michael: ...a homemade oven mitt's worth." I gave Ryan an iPod.

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE

(Ryan and Pam are checking out the iPod)

Kevin: Um, should we just keep opening up the presents?

Dwight: We don't do anything until Michael gives us further instructions.

(Everybody looks at each other)

(Phyllis is looking down very sadly)

(Michael jogs back into the office)

Michael: I got it! We are going to turn Secret Santa into Yankee Swap!

Jim: What is, Yankee Swap?

Michael: One person chooses a gift. The next person can either choose a gift or steal that person's gift. If your gift gets stolen, then you can steal someone else's gift or choose a new gift.

Jim: I thought that was called nasty Christmas.

Pam: Yeah, we call it White Elephant.

Michael: Well, I call it fun!

Oscar: Why are we doing this?

Michael: Because it's better. Because it's more special.

Angela: I sounds mean.

Michael: Shut... No, it's not. Okay, just give it a shot.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF ANGELA

Angela: Michael should have asked the party planning committee first. He's not supposed to just spring things on us out of nowhere.

(Angela's face scrunches up as she starts to cry)

CUT BACK TO THE CHRISTMAS PARTY

Michael: Okay, Meredith is up first. Here's the deal. You can either pick a new gift, OR, you can steal somebody else's gift they've already gotten. Like the oven mitt.

Meredith: I'll take the teapot.

Jim: Oh, shouldn't we...I bought that specifically for Pam.

Michael: Yaaankee Swap. That's what makes it fun. Pam, you can steal the oven mitt now.

Pam: I'll take the iPod.

Ryan: And I have to give it to her? I don't have a choice?

Dwight: Yes, now you can steal the oven mitt, the old shirt, the shower radio or pick a new gift.

(Ryan picks a new gift from the pile)

(He unwraps the gift and pulls out a flowery nameplate that says "Kelly")

(He holds it up for the camera)

Stanley: That was meant for Kelly.

Ryan: Yeah, I figured.

(Pam is happily looking at the specs of her new iPod)

(Jim looks dissappointed)

Michael: I think this is going great. (wheezes a laugh)

CUT TO LATER AT THE "PARTY"

(Kelly unrolls the creepy baby poster)

Kelly: Yikes.

Toby: Well, it's for Angela, so...

(Angela is craning her neck to see what Kelly is looking at)

(Kelly turns the poster around)

Kelly: That's like the creepiest thing that I've ever seen.

Dwight: Angela, you're up.

(Michael waves the oven mitt in front of her)

(Angela looks at Michael, bats the oven mitt out of the way and stands up)

Angela: I'll take the poster.

(Kelly rolls the poster up and hands it to Angela)

Angela: Some people like these.

Kelly: I will steal the iPod.

(Oscar reluctantly hands the iPod to Kelly)

Michael: (VO) Everyone wants the iPod.

CUT TO MICHAEL IN THE KITCHEN

Michael: It's a huge hit. It is almost a Christmas miracle.

CUT BACK TO THE PARTY

(Phyllis is putting some shot glasses that she was holding up back into a box)

Michael: Ah, well, Oscar, you little gourmand. You have the next turn.

Oscar: I'll take the teapot.

Meredith: Dammit.

Dwight: Okay, moving along, Meredith, let's go.

Meredith: I really want the iPod.

Dwight: A-ca-ca-ca. It's already been stolen this round. Pick something else.

Michael: I hope nobody takes this baby, 'cause this is great. Wow, look at that fine craftsmanship.

Meredith: Um...

Michael: Somebody really put a lot of work into that.

(The camera quickly pans to Phyllis, who still looks hurt)

Michael: It's beautiful.

Meredith: (to make Michael shut up) I'll take the oven mitt.

Michael: Ssssssssucka! (laughs) See, I wanted somebody to take it. Boom. (tosses the mitt to Meredith) Reverse psychology.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don't know if you guys know about it. But, basically you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.

CUT BACK TO THE PARTY

(Michael unwraps a gift to find paint ball pellets and a note)

(Dwight is grinning beside Michael)

Michael: (reading the note) In addition to these paint ball pellets your gift includes two paintball lessons with Dwight Schrute.

Dwight: (holding up his hand) You and me, Michael. Yes!

(Michael looks at the camera)

Michael: (to Dwight) Who wants to take paintball lessons? How is that better than an iPod?

Dwight: I never said it was better than an iPod.

(Michael grabs Dwight's elf ears off and throws then in his face)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT

Dwight: Michael keeps bragging about his iPod. But, you know what?

CUT TO DWIGHT AT A PAINTBALL RANGE

(Dwight is shooting a paintball gun at a paper target)

Dwight: (VO) Two paintball lessons with someone as experienced as I am is worth easily like two grand.

Dwight: (At the range) Take that Saddam.

CUT BACK TO THE PARTY

Michael: (defeated) Last gift, Kevin.

Kevin: I want the footbath.

(Pam gives Kevin the footbath.)

Kevin: (VO) That's the thing I bought myself.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF KEVIN

Kevin: I'm really psyched to use it. (thinks) Maybe I should have taken the iPod. (really thinks about it) Oooh, shoot.

Dwight: Pam, steal something or pick the final gift.

Pam: I want the iPod.

Kelly: Dammit.

Jim: Sure you don't want the teapot?

Pam: (apologetically) I mean, it's an iPod.

Jim: Right.

Pam: Sorry.

Jim: No, no, definitely.

Kelly: Okay, well, I guess I will take, that book of short stories.

Dwight: Yes! There you go. I want the teapot. (takes it from Oscar) Gracias.

Jim: You gotta be kidding me.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT

Dwight: Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets...Christmas.

CUT BACK TO THE PARTY

(Phyllis walks briskly to the kitchen and angrily opens the door)

Michael: What is she so upset about?

Pam: Maybe because you hated her present so much.

Michael: Come on, I think Yankee Swap was a big hit. I think it was a success. And I'm the one who ended up with Dwight's stupid paint ball pellets.

Jim: Yeah, but Michael, the point is that we all bought gifts for specific people.

Stanley: And you should have just bought a $20 gift like everyone else.

Michael: Well, I didn't! I got a big bonus because I fired Devin, and I used the money to buy something awesome. Sue me!

Oscar: You got a bonus check?

Pam: How much?

Michael: Uh, it wasn't...It wasn't that much. It was 3,000.

Stanley: All right, I'm done now.

(Everybody gets up and starts walking away)

Michael: (VO) Unbelievable. I do the nicest thing that anyone's ever done for these people and they freak out.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame.

CUT TO A CONVENIECE STORE

Cashier: That comes to 166.41.

Michael: All right, now you're the expert. Is this enough to get 20 people plastered?

Cashier: Fifteen bottles of vodka? Yeah, that should do it.

Michael: Cool, cool. Box it up.

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE

(Christmas songs are playing on the stereo)

(Kevin smiles as he turns the stereo up while standing in his footbath)

     We wish you a Merry Christmas

     We wish you a Merry Christmas

     And a Happy New Year

CUT TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM

(Jim is talking to Dwight)

Jim: I bought this teapot for Pam, and I know she really wants it. So can I trade you for it?

Dwight: No trades.

Jim: Come on. It's a shamrock keychain. Good luck.

Dwight: A real man makes his own luck. Billy Zane, "Titanic".

Jim: Look, it has sentimental value, Dwight. Can I buy it from you?

Dwight: No, I want it. I'm going to use it.

Jim: You don't even drink tea.

Dwight: True, but I get sinus infections. And sinus infections can be cured by making a tea from green tea leaf stems and pouring it directly into your nose like so.

(Dwight sticks the spout into his nostril)

(Jim stares at Dwight, then looks to the side with disgust)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM

Jim: To think that my gift to Pam will be used for that...it's a little too much to handle.

CUT TO THE OFFICE

(Pam and Roy are checking out her new iPod)

Roy: This is awesome.

Pam: I know, it's totally going to change the way I workout.

Roy: Yeah, and I was going to get you one of these for Christmas. Now I don't have to. I'm gonna save a ton of money.

Pam: So what are you going to get me instead?

Roy: I don't know. Probably like a sweater or something.

(Pam gives Roy an uncertain look)

(Jim is in the background, just having listened to the whole conversation)

(Michael walks into the office carrying the box of vodka)

Michael: Uh oh, looks like Santa was a little naughty. (laughs)

Angela: What is that?

Michael: This is Christmas spirit. As in spirits. Booze.

Meredith: We can drink?

Toby: We're really not supposed to serve alcohol.

Michael: Zip it! Toby. Just, I mean, it's a party, come on. If I can't throw a good party for my employees, then I am a terrible boss.

(The whole office is silent)

Michael: Who wants a drink?

Meredith: Me, please.

Michael: Go! Here we go!

(Quick cut to Michael pouring a bottle of vodka into the eggnog bowl)

Meredith: (VO) The deal is that this is my last hurrah.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MEREDITH

Meredith: 'Cause I made a New Year's resolution that I'm not going to drink anymore. During the week.

CUT TO THE OFFICE PARTY

(Phyllis walk in with a guy)

Phyllis: Hi, guys.

Bob: Hey.

Phyllis: Uh, does everyone know my boyfriend, Bob Vance?

Kevin: (Offers his hand) Kevin Malone.

Bob: Bob Vance, Vance refrigeration.

Stanley: Stanley Hudson.

Bob: Bob Vance, Vance refrigeration.

Ryan: Ryan Howard.

Bob: Bob Vance, Vance refrigeration.

(They all nod at each other)

Ryan: What line of work you in, Bob?

CUT TO THE KITCHEN

(Roy and Darryl are talking, Pam is patiently standing by)

Roy: I got, I lost Culpepper at TO, it was over, man.

Darryl: Oh yeah, I need McNabb and Deon Branch to have big games or else I'm done.

Roy: It's possible. I can't believe you traded Sean Alexander, man.

(Pam looks out to the office area to see what everybody is up to)

Darryl: I had to I need a defense.

(The camera pans to what Pam is looking at)

Roy: (VO) Come on! Sean Alexander? He's the best back in the league!

(We see Dwight taking the sticker off the bottom of the teapot)

Darryl: (VO) Defense.

Roy: (VO) Oh, no, it's-that's not worth it.

Darryl: It is worth it.

(Pam is watching Dwight, and comes to a realization)

Roy: Never.

Darryl: Are you kidding? You wait.

CUT TO MICHAEL WALKING AROUND THE OFFICE

(He's taking random pictures with his camera)

(He walks to the entrance of the office)

Michael: Anybody making out in here? (to camera) Not yet, give it time.

(Oscar and Jim are sitting morosely on the couch)

Michael: Oh hey, Ebenezer. (takes a picture) Boink.

(He walks over to some of the coworkers)

Michael: Okay, how's it going in here?

Ryan: We're running low on cups. Do you want me to just run out and-

Angela: Yeah, there should be some-

Michael: No no no no no. We'll find some, don't leave the party.

CUT TO LATER

(Phyllis, Meredith, Michael and Kevin are tapping the counter with shot glasses)

All: One, two, three!

(They down the shots)

Michael: Gaah! Ho ho ho! (takes a picture) Kudos to Ryan, king of the party committee!

Ryan: (insistent) Oh, no, I REALLY did not do anything.

(Angela is in the background looking downright furious)

Michael: No false modesty, my friend.

CUT TO LATER AT THE PARTY

(Everybody is dancing to some kind of disco song)

   ...And boogie all night.

CUT TO THE RECEPTION AREA

(Pam is sitting at her usual spot, Jim walks over)

Jim: You know, you don't have to answer calls during a party.

Pam: (laughs) Um...

Jim: Just thought you should know.

Pam: No, I was just, um, checking out my present.

(Pam puts the teapot on top of the counter)

Jim: (surprised) But-

Pam: I traded with Dwight. Um, just- I figured, you know, you went to a lot of trouble and that means a lot. And also Roy got me an iPod or, uh, was going to get me an iPod, so...

Jim: Well, either way. This is an amazing gift because it comes with bonus gifts.

(Pam looks at Jim)

Jim: Look inside.

(Pam smiles and opens the teapot)

Pam: (laughing) Oh my God! (takes out the photo) The yearbook picture!

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: Yeah, I think I made the right choice. (holds up her teapot)

CUT BACK TO RECEPTION

Pam: Oh, my God. This is incredible.

(As Pam is looking into the teapot, Jim reaches over and steathily grabs the card he put in the box)

Pam: Is this the Boggle timer?

(Jim stuffs the card into his back pocket)

Jim: I didn't think you were going to get that one. I really didn't know.

CUT TO ANOTHER PART OF THE OFFICE

(Meredith and Oscar are kicking back a shot)

(Dwight shows Michael the iPod)

(Run DMC's "Christmas in Hollis" starts playing)

Dwight: This is so awesome.

Michael: Not bad- and if it couldn't go to Ryan, you are the guy I'd want it to go to.

Dwight: Thank you.

Michael: You're welcome.

(Todd comes up behind Michael and puts him in a head lock)

Todd: Merry Christmas asswipe.

Michael: No way! Oh, you're kidding me. Packer! (takes a picture)  Yes! Todd Packer, ladies and gentlemen!

Todd: What's up, my nerds? Check it out. (points to his pants)

Michael: Oh no.

(The camera tilts down to reveal a mistletoe attached to Todd's belt, hanging near his crotch)

Michael: Oh, look at that! Icing on the cake!

Todd: Pac man need a drinky.

Michael: Oh, let's fix you up. Who wants to fix up- Toby? Toby's gonna fix you up.

CUT TO KEVIN'S DESK AREA

(Kevin has the headphones on striking his best MC pose)

Darryl: Whoo!

Kevin: Yeah.

(Meredith is drunkingly dancing near the Christmas tree with her oven mitt, Todd dances up behind her)

(Dwight is listening to his iPod)

CUT TO A LITTLE LATER

(Everybody is enjoying the party now)

Michael: Darryl, here you go. You earned it.

(Offers the Santa hat to Darryl)

Darryl: That's okay Mike.

Michael: No no no no no, I really want you to have it.

Darryl: All right, thanks, man.

Michael: Hey, Merry Christmas.

(Michael looks as though he's leaning in for a kiss then takes a picture)

(Darryl stands there watching him oddly)

CUT TO SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE OFFICE

(Kevin is taping up some photo copies)

Ryan: Whose butt is that?

Kevin: Mine.

Ryan: Oh, how did I not guess that?

(Michael walks out of his office with a lampshade on his head)

Michael: Lampshade on the head! (takes a picture)

(Everybody laughs)

Michael: It's happening!

(Todd is passed out at a desk at is covered in Christmas decorations)

(Jim is spraying silly string on his head)

(Everybody laughs)

(Jim shrugs to the camera and continues)

CUT TO THE KITCHEN

(Dwight is looking through the fridge)

(Kelly walks in)

Kelly: Hey.

Dwight: Oh, hello there.

(Kelly kisses Dwight)

Dwight: What are you doing?

Kelly: (slurring a little) I don't know.

Dwight: You shouldn't do things like that. (looks around a little frightened) The man is supposed to do that.

(The camera pans to a very pissed off Angela)

(She glances at the camera and walks off)

CUT TO OUTSIDE

(Angela is angrily throwing ornaments at the ground)

(She starts stomping on them one by one, screaming in frustration at the same time)

CUT BACK TO THE PARTY

(Kevin is walking out with the mini tree in hand)

Kevin: Thanks for the party Michael.

Bob: Listen up, we're going to Poor Richard's. Who's in?

Oscar: I'm in.

Dwight: Yes!

Bob: Michael?

Michael: Hmm?

Bob: Poor Richard's?

Michael: (surprised) Yeah, that sounds good.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: Christmas is awesome. First of all...

CUT TO A MONTAGE OF PEOPLE LEAVING THE PARTY

(Micheal is talking to Phyllis and Bob)

Michael: (VO)...you get to spend time with people you love.

(Dwight is putting the ear buds to his iPod in his ears)

Michael: (VO) Secondly...

(An inebriated Todd is being helped out by Ryan and Roy)

Michael: (VO)...you can get drunk and no one can say anything.

(Jim and Pam are walking out, talking and smiling)

Michael: (VO) Third, you give presents. What's better than giving presents?

(Everybody is outside now)

Michael: (VO) And fourth, getting presents.

(People are having a snowball fight)

Michael: (VO) So four things. Not bad for one day. It's really...

CUT BACK TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: (VO)...the greatest day of all time.

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE

(Michael is in his office putting things away and getting his coat)

(Meredith wobbles into Michael's office)

Michael: Hey Meredith, heading over to Poor Richard's?

Meredith: Yep.

(Michael looks out the window as he puts his coat on)

Michael: Cool, cool, cool. You need a ride?

(Meredith takes her top off)

(Michael turns around and inhales sharply)

(He exhales, then takes a picture)

Michael: All right, let's head out. Sounds good, do you have a coat?

(Michael walks out of his office and makes a shocked face, Meredith is still standing there)

Meredith: Yeah.

Michael: Oooh-kay.

THE END

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Transcribed by NIKKI for http://www.twiztv.com
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