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TRANSCRIPT:
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Guest star: Angela Kinsey (Angela), Kate Flannery (Meredith), Oscar Nunez (Oscar), Mindy Kaling (Kelly), Brian Baumgartner (Kevin), Phyllis Smith (Phyllis), Paul Lieberstein (Toby), Leslie David Baker (Stanley), David Denman (Roy) , Amy Adams (Katy)


INT. THE OFFICE, JIM'S DESK

(Jim is sifting through some papers)

(In the background, Pam answers the phone)

Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. (she listens, looks at Jim) Sure, can I ask who's calling? (beat) Just a second. (pushes a button)

(Jim's phone rings, Jim picks it up)

Jim: Jim Halpert. (surprised) What? How did you get this number? (smiles) Stalker. (smiles some more)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: Katy, and Jim, met in the office. (shows a clip of Jim introducing himself to Katy in "Hot Girl") And now I guess they're like, going out, or dating, or something. And, uh...I don't know! You know, they're just, she calls him, and they...you know, I'm sorry, I feel like I'm talking really loud. Am I talking really loud?

CUT BACK TO JIM ON THE PHONE

Jim: So we're still on for lunch? You're meeting me here? Okay. Great. (smiles) Bye. (hangs up)

Pam: Hey. (Jim looks) You can just give her your extension.

Jim: Okay.

CUT TO INTRO WITH CREDITS

INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE

(Ryan is sitting across from Michael)

Michael: Howard, slash Ryan. Ryan Howard is sitting in my office, and he has been a temp here for a couple of months and he's kind of gotten a, lay of the land, a little bit. Had a few laughs along the way, and now he wants to know, what I think.

Ryan: The temp agency wants to know what you think.

Michael: Shall we? Let us proceed. First up, proficiency in necessary skills. Aaaaaaa-eeeeexcellent! (laughs)

(Ryan gives an obligatory grin)

(Michael laughs some more)

Dwight: (VO) Michael's in there right now evaluating the temp.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT

Dwight: He hasn't evaluated me in years.

CUT BACK TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE

Michael: Five years from now, what do you want to do? Where you wanna be?

Ryan: Ah, well, I'm interested in business.

Michael: Oh. Good, ambitious. Excellent. Want to be a manager?

Ryan: Uh, no, actually, ah, what I want is to own my own company.

Michael: That is ridiculous. (chuckles)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: Ryan's about to attend the Michael Scott school of business. I'm like Mr. Miyagi and Yoda rolled into one.

CUT BACK TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE

Michael: (in a Yoda voice) Much advice you seek. (smiles) Do you know who that is?

Ryan: Fozzie bear?

Michael: Mm, no. That was Yoda.

CUT TO LATER IN THE EVALUATION

Michael: There are ten rules in business that you need to learn.

(Ryan prepares himself)

Michael: Number one. You need to play to win. But, you also, have to win, to play. (nods and waits for response)

Ryan: Got it.

Michael: And I will give you the rest of the, ten at lunch. (looks at camera)

CUT TO RYAN COMING OUT OF MICHAEL'S OFFICE

(Michael gives him a slap on the back)

Michael: Hey. (Ryan looks back)

(Michael clicks his tongue and points at him)

(Ryan walks back to his desk, Dwight slyly watches him)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT

Dwight: Michael and I have a very special connection. He's like Batman, I'm like Robin. He's like the Lone Ranger, and I'm like Tonto. And it's not like there was the Lone Ranger, and Tonto, and Bonto.

CUT TO RYAN IN THE KITCHEN

(He is unwrapping something)

CUT TO THE OFFICE AREA

(Meredith is stapling some papers)

(Everybody is working)

(Suddenly, the alarm starts going off)

(Dwight jumps up)

Dwight: People!

Angela: (Loudly) Okay, everybody...

Dwight: This is not a test! Move to the exits! Devon, head towards the exits.

Angela: (Loudly) Do not panic. Safety partners-

Dwight: Get up off your desks!

Angela: (Loudly) Do not panic.

Dwight: No, panic is warranted! This is not at drill!

(Everybody gets up and starts walking to the exits, Oscar is talking on the phone)

Angela: Go in a single file line. (Loudly) Arms at your sides, arms at your sides.

Dwight: Please, move quickly! This is a paper company people...

(Michael runs out of his office, bumping Jim and nearly knocking Oscar down)

Dwight: ...step lively!

Angela: Go, let's go.

Dwight: This whole place is a tinder box, it is ready to blow!

CUT TO A FEED OF THE SECURITY CAMERA IN THE BUILDING

(Michael is running full speed through the hallway)

CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE

Dwight: This is not a test!

(Phyllis and Stanley are still at their desks)

Dwight: Can you leave?!

Phyllis: Oh, you say that every time.

Dwight: DO YOU WANT TO DIE!?

Phyllis: Oh, boy...

Dwight: Do you want to die!? OUT!!

(Phyllis walks by Dwight, but not before giving him a glare, then snubbing him)

Angela: Alright, let's go, let's go.

Dwight: STANLEY! Have you ever seen a burn victim!?

Angela: (escorting Stanley) Come on, you're safety partners!

Dwight: Move to the exits!

Angela: You're safety partners!

(Dwight looks at the kitchen, it's starting to fill with smoke)

Dwight: We've got smoke! We've got smoke! SMOKE!

(Dwight runs over to the water cooler and grabs the jug)

(Holding it under one arm, and spilling it everywhere, he opens the kitchen door and starts splashing water into the doorway)

(He gives up and throws the entire jug into the kitchen)

(He then starts looking for an alternative method)

(Finally, he spots the fire extinguisher)

(He smashes the glass with his fist and takes the extinguisher out, he is cautious of the glass)

(Kelly comes out of the ladies room)

Dwight: Oh! Kelly!

(He grabs Kelly)

Kelly: Hey!

Dwight: Are you okay? Don't worry, I got you!

Kelly: I'm okay!

Dwight: Cover your nose and face. Breathe through your nose.

Kelly: Let go of me!

(Dwight lets go of Kelly, she runs off)

Dwight: Breathe through your nose. Remove your stockings. Okay? They'll melt right into your flesh! (to the camera) Stay below the smoke line. (drops to the floor and starts crawling) Let's go! Clear out, stat! STAT MEANS NOW!

CUT TO OUTSIDE OF THE BUILDING

(Michael is standing by himself, people are barely starting to come out)

Michael: (VO) Yes, I was the first one out, and yes, I've heard women and children first. (Michael meets Ryan and pulls him aside)

CUT TO MICHAEL STANDING BY HIS CAR

Michael: But, we do not employ children. We are not a sweat shop. Thankfully. And, uh, women are equal, in the workplace, by law. So, I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands.

CUT TO MICHAEL WALKING WITH RYAN

Michael: Another rule of business is being able to adapt to different situations.

Ryan: Yeah.

Michael: Adapt. React. Re-adapt. Act. Alright? That's rule number two.

(Dwight runs out of the building with the fire extinguisher)

Dwight: Okay, guys, listen up, we need a head count. We need to count off. Michael's number one. Where's, where is he?

CUT TO MICHAEL AND RYAN

Michael: So what was rule number two?

Ryan: Ah, adapt, react, re-adapt, act.

Michael: Okay, well, let's just kind of take it a little slower.

(Dwight runs up)

Dwight: Oh, hey, Michael. Ryan needs a number for the count off.

Michael: Okay, well, one is taken.

Ryan: Uh, okay, two?

Dwight: NO!

Ryan: Ok- Oh, sorry?

(The rest of the staff is walking around with nothing to do, Jim yawns)

Dwight: (VO) Okay, he can have 14, Margerie isn't here today.

Michael: Well, he needs a permanent number, right?

Ryan: No, I don't.

Dwight: Oh, you know what else, I thought of a nickname for the three of us. The Three Musketeers.

Michael: Um, yeah, okay. Oh, no, no, no, no. I got one. I got one. The Three Stooges.

(Ryan looks concerned, wanting to say something, but realizes he can't win)

Dwight: (VO) (laughs) That's funny too. But if we're the Three Musketeers...

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF RYAN

Ryan: I don't want to be like, a guy here. You know? Like, Stanley is the crossword puzzle guy. And Angela has cats. I don't wanna have a thing, here. You know, I don't want to be, the something guy.

CUT TO OUTSIDE

(Everybody is standing together)

Jim: Okay, you know what? I think I'm going to be, uh, setting the agenda here. Okay? Can everybody gather up please? Important announcement, very important announcement. I think this is a perfect opportunity for all of us to participate in some really intense, psychologically revealing conversations. So we're going to be playing, desert island. Um, who would you do?

Stanley: Ooh.

Jim: And, um...

Pam: ...would you rather?

Jim: Would you rather. Would you rather? Is our third game.

(The fire trucks arrive)

(Dwight jumps in the air with a little fist pump)

Dwight: Yeah!

(The firefighters make their way to the building)

(Jim pats one of the firefighters on the back, he acknowledges Jim)

Dwight: (to the passing firefighters) Hey guys, great response time. Listen up, I got some theories, there's a... (the firefighters ignore him)

CUT TO THE OFFICE MATES STANDING IN A CIRCLE

Jim: Okay, so, three books on a desert island...Angela.

Angela: The Bible.

(Everybody waits for more)

Stanley: That's one book, you got two others.

Angela: A Purpose Driven Life.

Jim: Nice. (waits) Third book.

Angela: (bluntly) No.

Jim: Okay. Phyllis.

Phyllis: Um, The DaVinci Code.

Angela: (scoffs) The DaVinci Code. I would take The DaVinci Code, so I could burn The DaVinci Code. (Angela scowls at Phyllis)

Dwight: Okay great, that is going to keep you warm for like 7 seconds. (hands the fire extinguisher to Stanley) Question, is there fire wood on the island?

Jim: I guess.

Dwight: Then I would bring an axe, no books.

Jim: (OS) Uh, it has to be a book Dwight.

Dwight: Fine. Physician's Desk Reference.

Jim: (OS) Nice, smart.

Dwight: ...hallowed out, inside, waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars...

(Quick cut of Jim listening, Pam is looking at Jim and laughing at the absurdity of Dwight, Jim glances at Pam then back to Dwight)

Dwight: ...NASA blanket, and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question, did my shoes come off in the plane crash?

CUT TO MICHAEL AND RYAN WALKING BY THE FIRE TRUCKS

Michael: Rule number four. In business, image is everything, Andre Augessi. (they walk up to Michael's car, a silver, convertable, Chrysler Sebring) This car is an investment. Right? If I have to take out a client, or I'm seen around Scranton in it. I love it, I love this car. (silence) Do you like it?

Ryan: (looks at car, finally speaks) Yeah.

(Quick cut of warehouse workers standing by a loading bay, drinking something in bottles and smashing them on the pavement)

Jim: (OS) Okay, I thought people read more books.

CUT BACK TO THE COWORKER CIRCLE

Jim: DVDs! Five movies, what would you bring to the island?

(Dwight raises his hand)

Jim: Yes, Meredith.

Meredith: Legends of the Fall, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Legally Blond, Bridges of Madison County...

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM AND PAM

(They are standing in front of a fire truck)

Jim: Wow.

Pam: (laughing) Legends of the Fall.

Jim: Wow. Bridges of Madison County, Legally Blond, these movies are just-

Pam: Well, I kind of like Legally...

Jim: Wait, wait, wait. Pam, no. Do you understand? The, the game is desert island movies, not guilty pleasure movies. Desert island movies are the movies you are going to watch for the rest of your life. Forever! (looks at camera) Unforgivable.

Pam: (looks at camera) I take it back.

Jim: Unforgivable.

Pam: I take it back!

Jim: (smiling) Good.

CUT BACK TO THE GROUP

Meredith: ...and Ghost. But, ah, just that one scene...(starts imitation of the potting wheel scene from 'Ghost', complete with hip swivels)

(Phyllis smiles and starts slowly moving her hips too, Angela watches the both of them with a troubled look on her face)

(Jim just watches)

CUT TO MICHAEL, RYAN, AND DWIGHT SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE PARKING LOT

(They walk up to a blue car)

Dwight: Is this your car Ryan? (starts pushing on the trunk causing the car to bounce up and down)

Ryan: Don't-

Michael: Wow, those are some pretty big books back there, huh?

Dwight: Good shocks.

Michael: Hello, Mr. Egghead (grabs Ryan's chest and gives it a good squeeze with both hands)

(Ryan, caught off guard, backs up quickly)

(Michael doesn't even notice)

Michael: (laughs) So...oh, Stanley Kaplan, I know him. 'M' is for murder, 'P' is for...

Ryan: That's actually a test prep book.

Michael: ...for phone. What?

Ryan: That's a test prep, for business school?

Michael: Oh, thinking about business school?

Ryan: I just got in. I applied, I go at night.

Michael: Really?

Ryan: Yeah.

Michael: So you think you know a lot about business?

Ryan: No, not yet.

Michael: Uh huh.

Ryan: Just started.

Michael: Yeah. Quiz me.

Ryan: I...

Michael: Oh, come on.

Ryan: ...wouldn't even know where to start.

Michael: Come on, egghead. Let's do it.

Dwight: Do it.

Michael: Quiz me up.

Ryan: Alright, um, why have people been rethinking the Microsoft model in the past few years?

Michael: (has no clue) Uh...

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: When I was Ryan's age, I worked in a fast food restaurant, to save up money for school. And I, then I, lost it in a pyramid scheme, but I learned more about business, right then and there, than business school would ever teach me, or Ryan would ever teach me.

CUT BACK TO RYAN'S CAR, AND QUIZ

Ryan: Is it cheaper to sign a new customer? Or to keep an existing customer?

Dwight: (standing behind Michael) Keep an existing cus-

Michael: (to Dwight) Shut, it. Can I, can I just do it please? (to Ryan) Ah, it's equal.

Ryan: It is ten times more expensive to sign a new customer.

Michael: Okay, yes, it was a trick question.

Dwight: He, but, look, okay, he didn't need business school. Okay, Michael, he, comes from the school of hard knocks.

Michael: Okay, Dwight.

Dwight: Self taught. You didn't even go to college.

Michael: You know what, you don't need to help me here. Okay? Well, you know, maybe you should go to business school like Ryan, then, then you'd know what you were talking about.

Dwight: Come on. I studying with the master, huh? (punches Ryan in the arm)

Michael: Why don't you go to-

Dwight: (to Ryan) Why don't you learn from him, right? (messes Ryan's hair and pretends to karate chop him)

Ryan: Hey!

Michael: Stop it. Dwight.

(Dwight, grabs Ryan in a light head lock)

Michael: You know what, you're acting like a dork.

(Dwight starts walking in a circle with Ryan in a headlock, obviously playing)

Michael: Would you cool it? Please.

(Dwight, giddy, continues to pester Ryan with more karate chops)

Michael: Hey, hey! He's not your five year old brother, Dwight.

(Dwight stops)

Michael: He's a valued member of this company, and you know what, he's knows more about business than you ever will.

(Dwight takes that last statement to heart and walks off)

Dwight: Stupid.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: I did not go to business school. You know who else didn't go to business school? Labron James, Tracey McGrady, Kobe Bryant. They right from high school to the NBA. So...so it's not the same thing, at all.

CUT TO RYAN'S CAR

(Michael and Ryan are sitting in the backseat of Ryan's car)

Michael: (holding a book) Look at this stuff. Market fragments, what is that suppose to be?

Ryan: (rote) It's a way of looking at consumers as subsets of a larger client base.

Michael: You are so smart. You are so eff-ing smart. You should be teaching me.

CUT BACK TO THE OTHER OFFICE WORKERS

Jim: Pam, get us back into it. (OS) Five movies, go ahead.

Pam: Okay, um, Fargo, um, Edward Scissorhands, Dazed and Confused...

Jim: Oh, definitely in my top five.

Pam: Yes, in my top three, so suck it.

Jim: (surprised at Pam's insult, but amused) What?

Pam: Breakfast Club. (smiles at Jim) Um, The Princess Bride and-

Jim: Okay that's five.

(Camera zooms in on Dwight who is half-heartedly punching and kicking a sign on the side of the building)

Pam: (OS) No, my all time favorite!

Jim: (OS) Pam, play by the rules.

Pam: (OS) All, time, favorite.

Jim: (OS) Play by the rules.

(Jim notices Dwight)

Jim: Dwight.

(Dwight starts walking away)

Jim: (OS) (calling out) All time favorite movie.

(Dwight waves him off and continues walking, everybody just watches)

Dwight: (OS) The Crow.

CUT BACK TO RYAN'S CAR

(They are still sitting in the back of the car, Michael looks a little sweaty and spacey)

Michael: I became a sales man. Because of people, I love making friends. But then I was promoted to manager, very young age. I still try to be a friend first, but, you know? I'm very successful, your coworkers look at you differently...(sighs)...what do you think?

Ryan: (trying to keep Michael out of his personal bubble) Maybe we should get some air.

Michael: (dazed) Nah, I'm okay.

Ryan: I'm really uncomfortable.

(Michael just nods as he stares into space)

CUT BACK TO THE COWORKER CIRCLE

Jim: Alright, let's move on. Let's move on to the main event, who would you do?

Kevin: Present company excluded?

Jim: Um, not neccessaril-

Kevin: Pam.

Oscar: (quickly) Pam.

(Pam doesn't know how to react)

Jim: Um...okay. Ah, you know what? Maybe I'll, I'll finish explaining the rules, let's, let me explain it first, and then-

(Jim is interrupted by "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M.)

(Jim looks up to see that it's coming from Dwight's car)

(Dwight is sitting in his car, slouched against the seat, with the windows down)

Jim: Yeah, so we'll get right, you know what? I'll be right back. (starts walking to Dwight's car) Stanley, you're taking over for me buddy. I'll be right back. (Pam starts walking with Jim)

Stanley: Okay, um...

CUT TO JIM AND PAM JOGGING OVER TO DWIGHT'S CAR

(Both have smiles on, Jim quickly raises his eyebrows to the camera)

(They reach the car, Jim puts his hand on the top and leans down)

Jim: Dwight.

(Pam puts her hand on the door, Dwight turns the music up)

Jim: Dwight. Come on buddy, use words.

(Dwight turns the music off)

Dwight: (without looking at Jim) Why didn't I go to business school?

Jim: Who goes to business school? (looks at Pam, she looks back confused)

Dwight: The temp.

Jim: He does?

Dwight: Yeah, it's all him and Michael talk about anymore.

Pam: (glances at the camera with a glint in her eye) You know, I bet Ryan thinks to himself, I wish I were a volunteer sheriff on the weekends. (Jim looks at Pam, then at the camera, now he knows what Pam is playing at)

Dwight: He doesn't even know that I do that.

Pam: You should tell him.

Dwight: Oh yeah Pam, right. That's going to help things, just talk it out. (angrily) I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted.

Pam: Dwight...

Jim: What?

Dwight: (covers his forehead) I'm sorry I said that, I didn't...just part of me meant it.

(Jim is trying not to laugh)

Dwight: Besides, he'd end up being a hero anyway.

(Pam has a big smile on her face)

Jim: (supressing a laugh) You know what you should do? You should quit, (trying to keep it together) and then, that would stick it to both of them.

(Now Pam is trying not to laugh)

Dwight: Oh Jim, I'm not going to quit. Then Ryan wins.

Jim: Yeah, you're right.

(Dwight reaches out and puts his hand on top of Pam's)

Dwight: Thanks you guys.

(Pam puts her hand on top of Dwight's)

Dwight: I just need some alone time.

Pam: Okay. (she pulls her hands away)

(Dwight rolls the window up and turns the music back on)

Jim: Alright buddy.

(Jim and Pam walk away)

(Jim silently laughs as Pam raises her hands above her head in triumph)

(Roy walks up to them)

Roy: Hey you guys, what's going on?

Jim: Nothing.

Pam: (laughing) Hey.

Roy: (to Pam) What's up? Can I hang out with you guys for a bit? The warehouse guys are a bunch of jackasses sometimes.

CUT TO THE COWORKER CIRCLE

Stanley: Come on, people, you know the rules of the game now. (everybody is giggling)

(Michael and Ryan walk up)

Michael: Oh, hey, hey, gang, what game are we playing here?

Stanley: Okay, it's called, who would you do?

(Jim, Pam, and Roy walk up. Pam is standing between Roy and Jim)

Michael: Oh, I, play this at home all the time while I'm falling asleep. (Kelly and Phyllis look at him a little disgusted) What, ah, where are we? Where are we here?

(Stanley points at Roy)

Michael: Mm, Roy? Roy? Who would you do Roy?

Roy: Uh...

(Pam gives a shy grin)

Roy: (thinks about it) Oh, I got it, uh, what's the name of that uh, tight ass, uh, Christian, uh, chick. The, uh, the blond?

(Angela peeks her head around Meredith)

Angela: (peeved) My name is Angela.

Roy: Hey, Angela, Roy. Nice to meet you.

(Pam gives Roy a look that says "you idiot")

Michael: Aaaalright, who's next, who's next, who's next, who's next? Jim? You're next. Who would you do?

(Pam turns slightly to Jim, wanting to hear his answer)

Jim: Ah, Kevin, hands down.

(Everybody cracks up)

Jim: Yeah. He's really got that teddy bear thing going on, and afterwards, we could just watch bowling.

(Everybody is laughing)

Michael: Well, I would definitely have sex with Ryan. (laughs) 'Cause he is going to own his own business.

(The happy mood is broken, nobody laughs)

(Except for Roy)

Roy: (laughing) You're all gay.

Michael: Who's, ah, who's next? Who we got?

(Ryan's cell phone starts ringing)

Michael: Who...

(Ryan quickly answers his phone)

Ryan: (on phone) Hey, no, I can talk, I can talk, I can talk... (excuses himself)...(in the distance)...that is great timing.

Michael: Wish I had my cell phone, but I left it inside. So...

(Dwight rushes up)

Dwight: Would that make you happy?

Michael: What's that?

Dwight: If you had your cell phone, it would make you happy?

Michael: Yeah.

Dwight: I'm on it. (Runs into the building)

Michael: Dwight. Hey!

Angela: You can't go back in yet!

Michael: Dwight don't! He is an idiot. The man is an idiot ladies and gentlemen.

Kevin: What if he dies in the fire?

(In the background everybody is looking up at the building, Roy is trying to motion his warehouse buddies over)

Kevin: And that's the last thing you ever said to him.

Michael: I didn't say it to him. I said it about him.

CUT TO LATER

(Michael looks at his watch)

(Pam is in the background talking to Ryan and Kevin, Meredith and Kelly are flirting with the fire fighters)

CUT TO THE LADIES STANDING IN A CIRCLE

Meredith: ...Jim.

Phyllis: Definitely Jim.

Kelly: Definitely, definitely, Jim.

Phyllis: Come on, Pam.

Kelly: How about you Pam?

Pam: Um...Oscar's kind of cute.

Phyllis: Yeah, I like Oscar.

Pam: Ooh, Toby.

(Meredith nods, Phyllis shakes her head)

(Pam looks off to the side as if she managed to side step that question)

Michael: (in the background) How long does it take to find a cell phone?

(The girls glance, but go back to their conversation)

Phyllis: Um...

Meredith: I don't know, is there anybody else.

(Kevin is standing off to the side listening to their conversation, he loudly clears his throat)

CUT TO MICHAEL STANDING IN FRONT OF THE BUILDING

(Jim is on his cell phone is the background)

Jim: Hey, where are you? Oh good. Yeah, we're just here, we're playing desert island.

(Ryan walks up to Michael)

Jim: (OS) It's when you pick your five favorite DVDs...

Michael: Seriously, where the hell is Dwight? (clears throat) Hey, call my cell phone, it'll make it easier for him to find.

(Ryan takes his cell phone out)

Ryan: What's your number?

Michael: I gave it to you in the car.

Ryan: Um...

Michael: I saw you program it in.

Ryan: You got to, you got to give it to me again.

(Michael grabs the cell phone)

Michael: Okay, alright. (starts entering his number)

Ryan: Now I have it.

(Michael presses send and waits, all of a sudden we hear the "Mambo No. 5" ringtone)

(Michael stares straight ahead while Ryan looks at Michael's jacket pocket)

(Michael takes the cell phone out of his pocket and turns it off)

(Ryan looks up at the building with concern)

Michael: Uh, I better tell somebody. (Runs towards the fire fighters) Excuse me sir...

(Just then, Dwight comes out of the building coughing)

Michael: Dwight!? (runs up to him) Great God man. Why did you, why did you go in there?

(Everybody gathers around, Dwight puts his hand up)

Michael: What did you, everybody was scared out of their wits okay?

Dwight: (coughing) Everyone, okay, uh, I have an announcement. (hoarsely) Apparently, in business school, they don't teach you how to operate a toaster oven. Because some smart, sexy, temp left his cheese pita on oven instead of timing it for the toaster thing. (Dwight produces a burnt, blackened pita, and starts laughing victoriously)

(Ryan looks devastated)

Michael: Wow. Okay. Well, I guess they don't teach how to operate a toaster oven in business school.

Dwight: (elated) That's exactly what I said.

Michael: Hey, did you miss that day there Ryan?

Dwight: (laughing) Were you absent?

Michael: Toaster oven 101?

Dwight: You failed?

Ryan: I am so sorry.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: (laughing hard) Man, hey, I know what'll impress everybody, I'll start a fire. Oh, man. Bad idea. Bad idea genes.

CUT BACK TO OUTSIDE

Dwight: I have a song, attention everyone, that I want to sing. That I wrote especially for this occasion when I was up there among the flames. Ready? RYAN STARTED THE FI-AH! (set to the tune of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire") It was always burning since the world was turning!

(Michael joins Dwight now)

Both: (dancing) RYAN STARTED THE FI-AH! It was always burning since the world was turning.

Dwight: Everybody!

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF RYAN

Ryan: I can't believe, I started, the fire.

CUT BACK TO OUTSIDE

(Phyllis starts dancing)

(Michael and Dwight are still dancing around)

(Both are singing different parts of the song)

Dwight: ...Marilyn Monroe!

(A car pulls up)

Dwight and Michael: RYAN STARTED THE FIRE!

(Jim walks over to the car)

Dwight: (OS) Now eat it, you have to eat it.

Katy: Hey!

Jim: Hey.

Katy: How are you?

(Jim leans down)

Jim: Good, how are you?

(Katy grabs his tie)

Katy: I'm great, good to see you.

Jim: It's good to see you too.

Katy: I'm hungry.

Jim: Yeah, I am too.

Katy: (gets out of car) Oh, I have been thinking the whole way over, and I have my answers.

Jim: What answers?

Katy: Um, for the, the desert island...

Jim: Oh! Right! Right, right, right, right, come on. (takes Katy's hand) Ladies and gentlemen, gather around, we have one more participant, come on, be polite. Be polite. Desert island, (Katy waves at everybody) five movies, go.

Katy: Okay, um, first, Legally Blond.

(Pam lets out a loud laugh)

(Jim looks up a little surprised)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: I forgot what a super, nice, girl Katy is. And just, good for Jim. They are so cute together. And, um, what an adorable car.

CUT BACK TO THE PARKING LOT

Jim: Okay, I think the game's over, people are like leaving, there was a bigger crowd last time. Do you just want to go to lunch?

Katy: Okay.

Jim: Yeah?

Katy: Alright, (grabs his tie again) you want to drive?

Jim: Sure.

Katy: Alright.

(Pam turns to Roy as Jim and Katy get in the car)

(Jim glances over at Pam, Pam is pulling Roy's collar with both hands and gives him a big kiss)

(Jim looks a bit bothered by it, but gets into the car)

(Katy is watching from the passenger seat)

Katy: They are so cute.

CUT TO THE OFFICE GROUP

(Dwight has his hand on Ryan's neck)

Ryan: I'm really sorry Dwight.

Dwight: Answer me this though.

Ryan: (trying to take Dwight's hand off) What?

Dwight: Was it worth it?

(Kevin starts nodding)

(Ryan shakes his head)

Dwight: Was it worth it temp?

Ryan: No.

Kevin: Was it worth it?

Dwight: Really?

Ryan: I'm really sorry Dwight.

Dwight: The fire guy! (starts laughing, pulls Ryan into a headlock and starts giving him a noogie) The fire guy!

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT

Dwight: (singing to "We Didn't Start the Fire") Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, Television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe, RYAN STARTED THE FIRE! (holds up the burnt pita)

CUT BACK TO OUTSIDE

(Dwight and Kevin head inside)

Michael: (to Ryan) Okay, rule five, safety first, i.e., don't burn the building down. (laughs) Okay? That should be a no brainer.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: (sighs) Oh, look, Ryan, is book smart. And I am street smart. And book smart.

CUT BACK TO MICHAEL AND RYAN WALKING INTO THE BULDING

Michael: I'll give you the rest of the ten, tomorrow.

THE END

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Transcribed by NIKKI for http://www.twiztv.com
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