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TRANSCRIPT:
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Guest star: Mindy Kaling, Paul Lieberstein (Toby), Kate Flannery (Meredith), Angela Kinsey (Angela), David Denman (Roy), Leslie David Baker (Stanley), Oscar Nunez (Oscar), Brian Baumgartner (Kevin) , Karly Rothenberg (Madge)



OPENING CREDITS

INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE

Michael: Tonight is the Dundies, the annual employee awards night here at Dunder Mifflin. (holds up a trophy of a business man) And this is everybody's favorite day. Everybody looks forward to it, because, you know, a lot of the people here don't get trophies, very often. Like Meredith or Kevin, I mean, who's gonna give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Doughnuts? Plus, bonus, it's really, really funny. So I, you know, an employee will go home, and he'll tell his neighbor, "Hey, did you get an award?" And the neighbor will say, "No man. I mean I slave all day and nobody notices me." Next thing you know, employee smells something terrible coming from the neighbor's house. Neighbor's hanged himself, due to lack of recognition. So...

CUT TO RECEPTION

Jim: So. You ready for the...the Dundies?

(Pam makes a pained face)

Pam: Ungh...

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM

Pam: You know what they say about a car wreck, where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.

CUT BACK TO RECEPTION

(Michael enters)

Michael: (in a Fat Albert voice) Hey hey hey! It's fat Halpert. (looks at camera amused)

Jim: (also looks at camera) What?

Michael: (in Fat Albert voice again) Fat Halpert. Jim Halpert.

(Jim says nothing but looks into the camera again)

(Getting no laughs, continues in normal voice)

Michael: (to camera) So why don't I take you on a tour of past Dundie winners. We got Fat, Jim Halpert here. (walks over to Jim's desk area) Jim, why don't you show of your Dundies to the camera?

Jim: Oh, I can't because I keep them hidden. I don't want to look at them and, get cocky. (looks at camera)

Michael: (none the wiser) Oh, that's a good idea.

Dwight: Mine are at home in a display case above my bed.

Michael: Gyaaah. T.M.I. T.M.I my friends. (VO) T.M.I.?

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: Too much information. Ah, it's just easier to say T.M.I., I used to say "Don't go there" but that's lame.

CUT BACK TO MICHAEL TOURING THE OFFICE

(Michael is walking to Stanley's desk)

Michael: And here we have Stanley the Manly. Now Stanley is a Dundie all-star, aren't you Stan. Why don't you, ah, show them some of your bling.

Stanley: I don't know where they are, I think I threw them out.

Michael: Nah, no you di-int.

Stanley: I think I did.

Michael: W-why did you...

Stanley: Say, we got to order some more apa-teezers this time, we ran out last year, remember?

Michael: Yes we should. I, you know what, I wanted one of those skillets of cheese, but when I got on stage, (turns to Kevin) someone had eaten all of them.

(Kevin who realizes who Michael was talking about puts down his soda)

CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM

(A television monitor shows a restaurant, Pam and Roy are sitting at one table talking, Jim is talking to someone at his table, Dwight is in the background holding a small recorder (small plastic flute), and Michael is on stage)

Michael: (on TV) To Oscar Martinez it's the "Show Me the Money" award!

(The camera pans to Pam, who is sitting in a chair across from the monitor)

Pam: (to camera) Michael has taped EVERY Dundies awards and now, he's making me look through hours of footage to find highlights.

Michael: (on video) ...it's a type of song that we are going to play for the ladies. Hit it Dwight.

(Dwight starts playing the tune of "Mambo No. 5" by Lou Bega on his recorder)

Michael: (singing along to tune on video) A little bit of Paaam, all night long, a little bit of Aaangela on the thing...

(Somebody sits in front of the camera on the video, so even though nothing can be seen, Michael can still be heard)

Michael: (on video)...a little bit of Phyllis everywhere...

Pam: Oh, yeah, this is the part where Kevin sat in front of the camcorder all night. It's great.

Michael: (on video) ...a little bit of Roooy eating chicken crispers...

(Pam looks over to Jim, mouths "Oh my God" and makes a strangling gesture)

Michael: (on video) ...a little bit of Jim with some ribs, a little bit of...

(Jim smiles and laughs)

CUT TO PAM, PHYLLIS AND KELLY TALKING

Kelly: It was you.

Phyllis: Live and learn.

Pam: (quietly laughing) It wasn't me I swear.

Kelly: Yeah it was.

(Dwight walks up)

Dwight: So what's the joke? You're not perfect either.

Pam: We're not laughing at you Dwight.

Dwight: So who are we laughing at?

Pam: Um, just something somebody wrote.

Dwight: Who? Dave Barry?

Kelly: (laughing) No. No, just something that was written in the ladies room wall.

Dwight: What is it? Who wrote it?

Pam: Um, it's kind of private.

Phyllis: (whispering) It's about Michael.

(The ladies start laughing again)

Dwight: That is defacement of company property. So you better tell me. Kelly, if you tell me, you'll be punished less.

Pam: Okay, (starts snickering) now I'm laughing at you.

(Pam starts laughing, Dwight is stone faced)

CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE

Michael: (talking to the speakerphone) Will her highness, Jan Levinson-Gould be descending from her corporate throne this evening to visit us lowly serfs here at Dunder Mifflin Scranton?

Jan: (on speaker phone) It's, it's, it's a two and a half hour drive from New York, Michael.

Michael: Well, you could take the bus, you could work on the way here. Sleep on the way home.

Jan: No.

Michael: Well, come on, Jan. This is important. I mean, this is, this is, validation to my employees here that you and corporate approve of this. So...

Jan: We don't, approve of this Michael. I mean, yo-you only had the budget for one office party a year, so...we're not paying for this.

Michael: (speechless) Um...

(Michael looks at the camera and motions for the camera to leave the office)

Michael: (to camera) Could you...

(Michael gets up and opens the door for the camera)

Jan: Are you there Michael?

Michael: Yeah, I'm here, I just wanted to, uh, talk to you for a second about that.

(Michael closes the blinds)

(The camera tries to find a crack in the blinds)

Michael: Um, what, ah, what is, I mean...

(The camera pans around to reception, Pam is listening)

Michael: (a little loudly)...come on, Jan!

(The camera goes to a side of Michael's office where the blinds are still partially open)

Michael: You're dropping an A-Bomb on me here.

Jan: Really? I'm dropping an atomic bomb on you?

Michael: Well, yeah, I mean, what is...

Jan: You already had a party on May 5th for no reason.

Michael: (incredulous) No reason?! It was the 05 05 05 party...

Jan: And you had a luau....

Michael: ...it happens once every billion years.

Jan: And a tsunami relief fundraiser which somehow lost a lot of money.

Michael: Okay, no, that was a FUN raiser. I think I made that very clear in the fliers, fun, F-U-N.

Jan: Okay, well, I don't understand why anyone would have a tsunami FUN raiser, Michael. I mean, that doesn't even make sense.

Michael: Well, I think a lot of people were very affected by the footage.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL

Michael: This is a little character I like to do (places a green turban with a yellow feather on his head), it is, uh, loosely based on Karnack, one of Carson's classic characters. (puts an envelope to his head) Here we go. The PLO, the IRA, and the hot dog stand behind the warehouse. (tears open envelope and pulls out card) "Name three businesses that have a better health care plans than Dunder Mifflin." (tries to keep a straight face) (no response, so he gets serious) Here's the problem. There's no open bar because of Jan and it's the reason why comedy clubs have a two drink minimum. It'll be fine, I just...wish people were going to be drunk.

CUT TO KITCHEN AREA

(Meredith walks out of the bathroom)

(Dwight watches her leave, looks around, then sneaks into the ladies room)

(The door closes, then all of a sudden...)

Phyllis: Dwight, get out of here!!

(The door swings open and Dwight is being pushed out by Phyllis)

Dwight: No, no, no, no...

Phyllis: What were you doing in the ladies room?!!!

Dwight: ...no, no, no, no, it's not what you think.

Phyllis: Why were you peering over the stalls?!

Dwight: No, why were you in there?!

Phyllis: You are a pervert!

Dwight: What were you doing in there?

Phyllis: You, are, a pervert!

Dwight: I am not.

CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM

(Pam is still watching the Dundie footage)

Michael: (on TV) The Dundie award for "Longest Engagement" goes to Pam Beesley.

(Roy starts laughing)

Michael: Pam, everybody! (starts clapping)

(Pam just sits there stirring her drink, rolls her eyes and glances over at Jim)

(Jim, at the adjacent table, crosses his arms and glances over at Pam, both look annoyed)

Michael: Whoooo! When is that girl gonna get married? That's what I have to say. Ah, Roy's accepting.

(Quick cut to Pam watching the video, she glances at the camera, and looks down in pain/shame and is lost in thought)

Roy: (OS on TV) Yes.

Michael: (OS on TV) Thank you Roy. Are there any words you'd like to say, on Pam's behalf?

Roy: (OS on TV) Ah, w-we'll see you next year.

Michael: (OS on TV) Yeah, oh, hope not! Oh God!

(The camera that was focusing on Pam, pans to Jim, who was listening)

(Jim, feels Pam's pain, and looks down himself)

CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE

Michael: I'm not changing that, it's the best one.

Jim: No, it's hilarious, you're right. I just think, um, "world's longest engagement", um, we're all expecting it, you know?

Michael: That's why it's funny. Every year that Roy and Pam don't get married, it gets funnier.

Jim: (not looking at Michael) Well I think if you use the same jokes it just comes across as lazy.

Michael: Oh, (taking it to heart) lazy. Uh huh.

CUT TO OFFICE AREA

(Stanley is playing with a small toy car)

Dwight: Excuse me, everyone, could I have your attention please. I just wanted to say that the women in this office are terrible. Especially the ones who wrote that stuff about Michael on the bathroom wall. Having a bathroom is a privilege. (Pam comes out of the conference room) It is called a ladies room for a reason. And if you cannot behave like ladies, well then you are not going to have a bathroom.

Pam: You're taking away our bathroom?

Dwight: We are going to have two men's rooms.

Phyllis: But where would we...go?

Dwight: Be prepared to hold folks (Michael comes out of his office) From 9 am to...

Pam: Michael...

Michael: Yes.

Pam: ...Dwight is banning us from our bathroom.

Michael: Okay, well, that's just ridiculous, so just don't, I-I don't have time for this right now.

Dwight: Nnnnno, there needs to be repercussions...

Michael: Just don't, don't talk-

Dwight: ...for people's behavior.

Michael: Don't talk-

Dwight: And it's-

Michael: Just STAP IT YAP IT!!!!

(Michael scratches his forehead and looks at the camera)

Michael: Okay, looks, I know there have been a lot of rumors flying around about the Dundies this year. How there is no money, and how there is no food, and how the jokes are really bad, but WHAT THE HELL EVERYBODY!? I mean, God. The Dundies are about the best, in every, one of us. Can't you see that? I mean, okay, we can do better. so, tonight, for the first time, we are inviting all of your friends and family to attend the awards with us.

Dwight: (with a small fist pump) Yes.

(Cut to Stanley who really likes that idea)

Michael: Yeah, not bad, right? So let's make this the best Dundies ever.

Dwight: (clapping) Best Dundies ever.

CUT TO CHILI'S RESTAURANT

(Reveille plays)

(Dwight is standing  behind a keyboard banging some plates together)

Dwight: Welcome to the eighth annual Dundies awards.

(Quick cut to everybody talking and ignoring Dwight)

Dwight: Before we get started, a few announcements. Keep your acceptance speeches short, I have wrap it up music, and I'm not afraid to use it. (points) Devon!

(Naughty by Nature's song OPP starts playing)

(Michael comes out with a hooded sweatshirt on)

(Song)

            "Dave, drop a load on 'em"

(Dwight tosses Michael the microphone)

Michael: (rapping to the music, sort of) "The Dundies, how can I explain it? Awards you like to hate it. I'm psyched you all made it. You never had to work so hard and feel that no one notices you. (quick shot to Ryan in front of Michael on the floor with cue cards) You're just a name and number and no one even says hello." (to Ryan) Card!

(The camera pans to Oscar as Michael tries to get his cue cards in order)

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF OSCAR

Oscar: The Dundies are kind of like a kid's birthday party, and you go, and there's really nothing for you to do there. But the kid's having a really good time, so you're, kind of there. That's-that's kind of what it's like.

CUT BACK TO THE RESTUARANT

Michael: (rapping again) "You down with The Dundies? You down with the Dundie-"

(The music stops, Michael looks back at Dwight)

Dwight: The waitress tripped on the cord.

Michael: Alright, alright, joke landed. So we are here, thank you all for coming to the 2005 Dundie awards. (takes off sweater to reveal tuxedo) I am your host, Michael Scott. And I just want to tell you please, please, do not drink and drive. Because you may hit a bump and spill the drink!

(Angela rolls her eyes)

(Quick cut to a waitress giving Kevin his drink)

Kevin: Oh, just put these on the group tab.

Michael: Nope, actually this year, ah, no group tab, we're going to be doing separate checks.

(Everybody looks aghast, especially Roy)

Stanley: You said, we could bring our families.

Michael: I did. And why didn't ya Stanley?

Stanley: I did, my wife's name is Terri.

Michael: Well, I'm looking forward to meeting Terri.

Stanley: It's this person who's hand I'm holding Michael.

(Michael is dumbfounded, Dwight pushes a button on his keyboard that says, "OHHH, YEAHHHH.")

Michael: (to Dwight, in a low voice) Shut it. (normal voice) Um, good. Speaking of relationships, of all, all way shapes and forms. Um, I was out on a very, very hot date with a girl from HR, Dwight.

Dwight: Really? We don't have any girls from HR.

Michael: No, that...for the sake of the story. And things were getting hot and heavy.

Dwight: Yeah?

Michael: And I was about to take her bra off...

Dwight: Yeah!

Michael: ...when she made me fill out six hours of paperwork-

Dwight: Like an AIDS test?

Michael: (unbelievably) No. (under his breath) God.

(Meredith shakes her head)

Michael: (clears throat) Alright, so let's get this party staaaarrrrted.

(Cut to Pam's table, she is sitting between Roy and Darryl)

Darryl: (to Roy) Hey let's go to Poor Richard's.

Roy: Yeah, let's get out of here. (gets up and starts putting on his jacket)

Pam: Um...

Michael: Um, guys, where you going? Pam, show's just getting started.

Pam: (getting her jacket) Sorry. (She follows Roy)

(The camera pans to Jim's table)

Michael: (OS) And now...

(Jim is watching Pam)

Ryan: You staying?

Michael: (OS) ...to someone who quietly goes about their job, but always seems to land the biggest accounts...

Jim: (breaks his stare) Yeah, (looks down at menu) gotta eat somewhere.

(The camera pans to Michael holding up a trophy)

Michael: ...the "Busiest Beaver" award goes to Phyllis Lapin.

(Everybody starts clapping, Phyllis gets out of her booth and makes her way to Michael, she gives Jim a high five along the way)

Michael: Yeah, way to go Phyllis. Nice work, per usual.

(Phyllis takes a good look at her trophy)

Phyllis: This says "Bushiest Beaver".

(Jim gives the camera a look)

Michael: What? I told them busiest...idiots.

Phyllis: It's, it's fine.

Michael: Well, we'll fix it up. You don't have to display that.

CUT TO PARKING LOT

(Pam and Roy are at the truck, arguing, the camera is kind of far, but you can hear them)

Pam: ...because that's what happens every time!

Roy: ...talking about? He's a jackass every year.

Pam: No.

Roy: (Put's his hand on Pam's arm) Come on, we're going to Poor Richard's.

Pam: (Breaks Roy's grip) No, I don't want to go, I don't want to.

Roy: Pam. Go.

Pam: If you would have asked me that, then you would know. (Pam walks off, leaving Roy and Darryl at the truck)

CUT TO RESTUARANT

(Jim is sitting by himself eating watching Michael's impression)

(Michael has false teeth in and glasses with squinted eyes on them)

Michael: (in a stereotypical oriental accent) Herro everybodeeee.

(Pam comes in and sits next to Jim)

Jim: (surprised) Hey! How are ya? I thought you left?

Pam: (takes off jacket) Oh no, I just, I decided to stay.

Jim: Oh!

Pam: I'll just get a ride home from Angela.

Jim: Oh. (looks over at Angela)

(While Jim is looking at Angela, Pam slides his beer in front of her)

Michael: (OS) I'm gonna cwall Jan Revinson-Gould.

(Jim turns around, sees Pam's move, and just gives her a "if you must" look)

Pam: Oh good, I'm just in time for Ping. (bring mug up to her mouth)

Jim: Yeah.

Michael: (doing impression) Oh, dat wir be fwar. Ah, me so horny.

(The camera zooms to an Asian customer behind Michael, she is looking at Michael in disbelief)

Michael: Right? You know wat I'm talking 'bout.

Pam: (to an off camera waiter and still clutching Jim's beer) Can I get a drink?

(Jim, a little surprised, just looks at Pam)

Michael: (OS) Ay ya ya ya ya!

CUT TO LATER IN THE AWARDS DINNER

(Tom Tom Club's "You Sexy Thing" song starts playing)

Michael: This next award goes to somebody, who really, lights up the office.

(Cut to Pam still drinking the beer)

Michael: Somebody, who I think a lot of us, cannot keep, from checking out. The "Hottest in the Office" award goes to...Ryan the temp!

(Pam gives a laughing/shock look as the camera zooms in on Ryan)

(Ryan looks around, hoping that it's a joke, or a dream, finally gets up and heads towards Michael)

Michael: Yeah. (singing to music) "Hidy ho, you sexy thang. You sexy thang you."

(As Ryan is making his way to the stage, Pam is laughing away)

Michael: Here you go. (hands the award to Ryan)

(Just as Ryan is reaching for the award, Michael quickly pulls it back)

(Michael mumbles along to the song, all the while, teasing Ryan with the award)

(Finally, Michael gives Ryan the award)

Michael: Here you go.

(Ryan grabs it and walks away, but not before Michael slaps him on the butt)

Michael: Whooo!

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF RYAN

Ryan: What am I going to do with the award? (Thinks about it) Nothing. I-I don't know what I'm going to do. That's the least of my...concerns right now.

CUT BACK TO THE CEREMONY

(Oscar is stiffiling a yawn)

Michael: (OS) And the "Tight Ass" award goes to Angela.

(Camera zooms in on Angela)

Michael: (OS) Not only because she is everybody's favorite stickler, but because she has, a great caboose.

(Everybody is too tired to clap, silence)

(Angela crosses her arms and looks stonely at Michael)

Michael: So...come on down.

Angela: (bluntly) No.

(Michael just looks at the camera, not knowing what to do)

CUT TO JIM AND PAM'S TABLE

(Pam is laughing with several empty drinks in front of her, Jim is just looking at her amused)

(Pam starts sipping an empty glass)

Jim: I think those might be empty.

Pam: No, no. 'Cause the ice melts and then it's like second drink! (laughs)

Jim: (amused) Second drink?

(Pam starts laughing, Jim can't help but join her)

CUT TO MICHAEL

Michael: The "Spicy Curry" award goes to our very own Kelly Kapoor!

(Dispersed clapping)

Michael: Get on up here. Here you go.

(Michael gives Kelly her trophy, Kelly takes a good look at it)

Kelly: "Spicy Curry", what's that mean?

Michael: Um, not everything means something, it's just a joke.

Kelly: Yeah, but why'd you give it to me? 

Michael: I don't know, it's just...

Kelly: This is a bowler-

Michael: I know. It's ju- they didn't have any more businessmen. So...

Kelly: Yeah, but everyone else-

Michael: Just sit down Kelly.

(Kelly goes back to her seat, Michael sighs)

CUT TO MICHAEL IN ANOTHER PART OF THE RESTUARANT

(Michael is sweaty and chugging water from a bottle)

Michael: It's so freakin' hot in there. Now I know what Bob Hope was going through when he performed in Saudi Arabia. Man! I got Dwight sucking the funny out of the room, but you do what you can do. (Music starts playing in the background) Here we go, he's early with the cue. Here we go.

CUT TO MICHAEL BACK ON STAGE

(Michael is singing to the tune of "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John)

Michael: "You have won a tiny Dundie."

Guy at bar: (Loudly) Sing it Elton.

Michael: Hey, thanks guys. Hey, where you guys from?

Other Guy at Bar: We just came from yo' mama's house.

QUICK CUT TO JIM AND PAM'S TABLE

Pam: (to Stanley's wife) You guys gonna to finish that?

(Stanley's wife shakes her head, Pam takes her drink off her table)

Michael: (OS) Oh, alright, yeah.

Guy At Bar: (OS) Sing 'em a song dude.

CUT BACK TO MICHAEL ON STAGE

Michael: Uh, you know what guys, we're just having a little office party, so if you want, uh...

(Something flies by Michael)

Michael: Hey, you know, cool it guys, really-

(The guy at the bar throws another object, looks like a wad of wet napkins, this time it hits Michael on the shoulder)

Guy At Bar: You suck man!

(Jim looks at the guys at the bar with offense)

(Michael stands there for a bit, not knowing how to react, finally he turns to Dwight)

Michael: (quietly) Let's cut it. (Dwight turns the music off)

(The entire office staff sits there, silent, waiting)

Michael: (clears throat) (with a lot less enthusiasm) I had a few more Dundies to, uh, give out tonight, but, I'm just going to cut it short. And wrap it up so everybody can enjoy their food. Um...thanks for listening, those who listened. (clears throat) This last Dundie is for Kevin, this is the "Don't Go in There After Me" award. It's for the time that I went into the bathroom after him, and it was really, really smelly. So...(puts microphone down)

(Michael walks over to Kevin's area and places the award on his table)

Michael: (meekly) There you go.

(The mood is silent and dour, then Pam starts clapping)

Pam: Yay Kevin. Whoo hoo for Kevin! For stinking up the bathroom.

(People start catching on to what Pam is doing)

Jim: (starts clapping) Yeah, alright Kev.

(More people start clapping)

Pam: Woo! (loudly insistent) Hey, I haven't gotten one yet! (motions to Jim)

Jim: Yes, I have not gotten one either. So, keep going.

Pam: More Dundies! (Starts clapping)

Pam and Jim: (clapping) Dundies! Dundies! Dundies! Dundies!

(Everybody starts joining in)

Everybody: Dundies! Dundies!

Michael: (getting his spirit back) Alright, alright, alright, okay. Alright, we'll keep rolling. Okay, this is the fine work award. This goes to Stanley, for all the fine work he did this year.

Pam: (drunk) Fine work! Fine work Stanley!

Michael: (OS) You know you did.

(Everybody is clapping, Stanley gets up to recieve his award)

Pam: Here here! Speech, speech, speech, speech (other people start joining in)

Stanley: Well, well, last year, I got great work, so I don't...

(Pam starts laughing her cute drunk laugh)

Stanley: So, I don't know what to think about this award. But at least I didn't get smelliest bowel movement like Kevin. (starts chuckling)

(Everybody, including Kevin, smile and chuckle at the joke)

Michael: And this next award is going out to our own little Pam Beesley...

(Cut to Pam, her face goes from drunken elation to sober realization)

Michael: (OS) ...I think we all know what award Pam is going to be getting this year.

(Cut to Jim's reaction of scared expectation)

Michael: It is the "Whitest Sneakers" award!

(Everybody starts clapping, Pam's is truly shocked, but happy)

Michael: Because she always has the whitest tennis shoes on!

(Everybody claps, Jim claps with the most enthusiasm, Pam gets up to receive her award)

Michael: Get on down here! Pam Beesley ladies and gentlemen! (Pam grabs the microphone from him) Oh, here we go.

Pam: (wildly happy and trying to control her laughter) I have so many people to thank for this award. (can't help but laugh)

(Quick cut to Jim laughing and staring at Pam with amused wonder)

Pam: Okay, first off, my Keds. Because I couldn't have done it without them. (people clap) Thank you. Let's give Michael a round of applause for MC-ing tonight because (people start clapping again) this is a lot harder than it looks. And also because of Dwight too.

(Dwight stands up, but nobody claps)

Pam: Um, so, finally, I want to thank God. Because God gave me this Dundie.

(Quick cut to Jim, he's doesn't know whether to laugh or take her seriously, so he gives her an amused/appreciative grin)

Pam: And, I feel God in this Chili's tonight. (without warning, she thrusts her trophy in the air) WHOOOOOOOO!!!!

Michael: Pam Beesley ladies and gentleman. (Pam hugs Michael and gives him a quick peck on the cheek) Oh! Thank you.

(Pam is giggling, as she jogs back to her seat)

(Jim is waiting at her chair, having pulled it out for her)

Jim: (laughing) Your chair.

Pam: (to Jim) Yeah!

(Pam is giggling, and throws her arms around Jim, Jim hugs her back)

(As Jim pulls away from Pam, she plants a kiss right on his lips)

(Jim is surprised, but kisses her back, the kiss last only a second)

(Okay, a second and a half, but who's counting?)

(Pam pulls away laughing and sits down as if kissing Jim is completly normal)

Pam: (sighs) Oh...(laughs)

(Jim, walks back to his seat and sits down)

(Jim sighs)

Jim: (VO) What a great year for the Dundies.

(Jim is trying to act casual, but we all know what he's thinking about)

CUT TO JIM AND PAM AT THE BAR

(Jim is talking to the camera and Pam is sitting beside him, staring at him)

Jim: We got to see Ping. (Pam nods)

(In the background, Michael is singing to the Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes song "(I've Had) the Time of My Life")

Jim: And we learned of Michael's true feelings for Ryan. (Pam nods) Which was touching. And, we heard Michael change the lyrics to a number of classic songs. (Pam nods) Which for me, has ruined them for life. (looks at Pam, who is staring at him, nodding)

(Jim looks at the camera, then back at Pam, who is still nodding)

Jim: (to Pam) What?

Pam: Nothing.

Jim: (to camera) Okay.

Pam: (giggling) What?

Jim: (to Pam, humored) I don't know, what?

(Pam starts laughing, then suddenly falls off the bar stool)

Jim: Oh my God! You are so drunk!

(All we hear is Pam laughing on the floor)

Jim: (to camera) Did you get that? Please tell me you got that. This is all going to be on.

(In the background, Dwight leaves his DJ equipment and starts running over)

Dwight: Quick, quick, the woman is having a seizure. Grab her tongue, grab her tongue!

(The camera shows Pam on the floor, still laughing, Dwight runs to her side)

Dwight: It's okay, I'm a sheriff's deputy.

Jim: He's a volunteer.

Dwight: (pointing a finger at Jim) Don't get into that now.

CUT TO MICHAEL ON STAGE

(Kevin stands up to get a better look, Michael glances over, but continues singing)

Dwight: (OS) We need something to cushion her head. Throw pillow? A cush-

CUT BACK TO BAR AREA

(Pam is still on the floor laughing)

Jim: Dwight come on, come-

Dwight: It's okay, I'm going to use my shirt.

(Dwight starts taking off his shirt, but gets stuck)

Pam: Dwight, get off me!

(A Chili's employee comes over, Jim helps Pam up, Dwight is stuck in his shirt)

Employee: I'm sorry, you're gonna have to put your clothes back on, people are trying to eat.

Dwight: (struggling) Ahh! I can't-

CUT TO BACK KITCHEN AREA

(Dwight and Ryan are packing up all of Michael's props)

Michael: (to camera) Was this year's Dundies a success? Well, let's see, I made Pam laugh so hard, that she fell out of her chair, and she almost broke her neck. So I killed, almost. (laughs)

CUT TO OUTSIDE OF RESTAURANT

(Pam runs a little zig zag to the camera)

Pam: Oh my God!

Jim: Whoa.

Pam: (loudly) I just want to say, that this was the best, Dundies, ever! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!

Jim: (steadies Pam) Whoa.

(Pam laughs)

Jim: Whoa, careful, careful.

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF CHILI'S EMPLOYEE

Employee: We have a strict policy here not to over serve.

CUT TO OUTSIDE OF RESTAURANT

(Pam is walks up to Oscar and starts hugging him)

Employee: (VO) Apparently, this young woman...

(Pam starts hugging Phyllis)

Employee: (VO) ...was sneaking drinks off other people's tables.

(Pam is now hugging Stanley)

Employee: (VO) I Xeroxed her driver's license...

CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF EMPLOYEE

Employee: ...and she is not welcome to this restaurant chain ever again. (gives the camera a "so there" look)

CUT TO PARKING LOT

(Ryan and Dwight are walking out with Michael)

Michael: Great work tonight.

Dwight: Watch your step.

Michael: Excellent.

Dwight: Thanks, I had to, uh, check her pupils to make sure there wasn't a concussion.

Michael: Yes, that too, but I mean with the audio. Great work.

(Dwight smiles and looks at Ryan to make sure he heard it)

CUT TO PAM AND JIM SITTING ON A BENCH

Pam: I feel bad about what I wrote on the bathroom wall.

Jim: (smiles) No you don't.

(Pam starts laughing as Angela pulls up)

Jim: Oh, here she is. (gets up) Careful, careful, whoa. Alright, easy. Almost there.

(Pam stops walking)

Pam: Hey, um, (glances at the car) can I ask you a question?

Jim: Shoot.

(Pam stares at Jim for a little while, then glances at the camera, realizes she's on camera)

Pam: Um, (looks at her trophy) I just wanted to say thanks.

Jim: (thinks about it) Not really a question. (starts to laugh) Okay, let's get you home, you're drunk.

(Pam laughs in agreement)

(Jim opens the door for her)

Jim: Alright.

Pam: Bye.

Jim: Goodnight, have a good night. Thank you Angela.

("Tiny Dancer" starts to play again)

(Jim watches Pam as she is driven away, the tail lights fade)

(Jim smiles, then realizes he's on camera, glances at camera and walks away)

 

THE END

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Transcribed by NIKKI for http://www.twiztv.com
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