| Laura: | [grinning] I'm in heaven, sweetie. [the sound of glass breaking is heard and a rock lands next to Laura. The protest is new heard] Another rock?
| George: | It's okay, leave it. [Laura tosses the rock onto the ground under the coffee table]
| | Karl: | [enters from the dining room] Mr. President...
| | George: | [looks up at him] Karl, you're still here?
| | Karl: | Yes, sir. In in case you haven't noticed, there's a protest going on outside? [another rock crashes through a window] Eh... [picks up the rock Laura just dropped and aims it at the window] this Alaskan oil drilling thing has angered a lot of [heaves the rock out the window] people. We have to find a way-
| | George: | [gets Karl's attention] Karl! It's 7:30. Work time is over. Now, it's snuggle time. [holds Laura a little closer]
| | Karl: | But we need to issue a statement that we will not back down-
| | George: | Snuggle time, Karl! [they watch him stop, turn around, and leave]
| | Laura: | Karl. All he ever does is work.
| | George: | Yeah. He needs to find the woman of his own to watch the Geena Davis Show with.
| | Laura: | Hmmm. [sits up] Maybe I should set him up with one of my friends.
| | George: | Hey! That's a great idea!
| | Laura: | [noticing action on the TV and gets George's attention] Oh George, look! Geena accidentally trapped herself in the basement with Max.
| | George: | Hohohoho. Sure is perfect. All we need now is a nice little fire. [a small fiery object crashes through the window and lands on the table.] Wow! Ask and you shall receive!
| | [Outside the White House, day. Protesters are everywhere.]
| | [The Oval Office. George looks out over the crowd as Maggie gets some cleaning done]
| | George: | Boy, those environmental protesters sure are mad. You'd think Alaska was the Holy Land or somethin'.
| | Karl: | [enters, followed by Princess and an Eskimo] Mr. President, our troubles are over. This is Kanook-Nook. He's a Yupik Eskimo from the Yukon-Kuskokwim Delta of Alaska. Now, most protesters think that Alaskans don't want us drilling for oil on their land. That will all change when we put Kanook-Nook in front of them and have him say that he thinks drilling for oil is good!
| | Kanook-Nook: | Oil good?
| | Karl: | We'll have him for your speech with the protesters on Friday.
| | George: | You don't see any problems with us usin' Alaska lands?
| | Kanook-Nook: | Oil good!
| | Princess: | He's neat!
| | George: | Well I sure am glad you're on our side, Kanook-Nook!
| | Maggie: | [arriving] Say, Kanook-Nook, what part of Alaska are you were from again?
| | Kanook-Nook: | Oil good!
| | Maggie: | Aha. [turns around and walks away]
| | Laura: | [walks in as Maggie leaves] Good mornin' everyone! Uh, Karl, I was wondering if you and I could have a little chat.
| | Karl: | Sure, Mrs. Bush.
| | Laura: | George, why don't you go over your schedule with Princess?
| | George: | What the hell are you talkin' about, Laura?! I don't need you to- [reads her gestures] Ohhh, thaaat, rihihight... [nudges Princess out the door] Come on, Princess. [looks back at Laura and grins as he follows Princess out.]
| | Laura: | [turns back to Karl] Let's sit down, Karl. [they both sit on a couch] Now, you and I have never gotten to really know each other.
| | Karl: | Alright, alright, maybe I uh, taught Kanook-Nook that "Oil good" is the way to say "I'm hungry," but he's key to my speech to those protesters out there.
| | Laura: | No, I'm talkin' about your love life.
| | Karl: | [suprised] Ohh. Right, g-. Go on.
| | Laura: | Well, George and I were just thinkin', wouldn't it be nice if you just forgot about work for one night and try to find someone special? Someone who can... make you feel like a kid again?
| | Karl: | Wehell, sure, it'd be incredible, but it doesn't ever happen for me.
| | Laura: | [bubbly] Well, Karl, I have this friend Katie, and she's fun and intelligent and very cute and-
| | Karl: | Uh oh.
| | Laura: | What?
| | Karl: | Well, you didn't say she was pretty or beautiful. Usually when a woman says a friend of hers is cute, what she usually means is she's Bilbo Baggins.
| | Laura: | No, she's pretty.
| | Karl: | Really?
| | Laura: | Yeah. I think you two will hit it off!
| | Karl: | Well I-I-I... I guess I'd be open to uh... to trying.
| | Laura: | Great! I'll call her. How about dinner tonight if she can?
| | Karl: | Sure, why not?
| | Laura: | [softly, happily] All right!
| | [The White House, day. Protesters march on the grounds]
| | [The living room. George and Laura are back in the room. George is on the couch, Laura paces in front of the television]
| | Laura: | Ohhh, I can't stand this! What if the date didn't go well?
| | George: | Well Laura, will you just... relax?! I'm sure Karl's date went just fine! Hey, look! On this episode of F*R*I*E*N*D*S they get trapped in the broom closet! They ripped that off the Geena Davis Show!
| | Laura: | George, every show does the "trapped in a small space" episode. It's how they get their characters to settle their differences. On American Children it was a bank vault, on Passions it was a mine shaft... [the front door opens and Karl enters. Rocks land on the porch just outside]
| | Protester: | Come out here, you coward! [a rock hits Karl and bounces away. The door closes]
| | Laura: | [runs up to him excitedly] Good mornin', Karl!
| | Karl: | Hello, Mrs. Bush, Mr. President. [George waves back]
| | Laura: | Well?
| | Karl: | Well, ...she's amazing, she's everything you said she was and more!
| | Laura: | Oh, I'm good! [high-fives Karl and runs back to George] I told you they would hit it off, George! Didn't I tell you?
| | George: | You sure did.
| | Karl: | Oh! I don't think I've had that kind of a night in years!
| | George: | But, did she like you, too?
| | Karl: | Well, I, I assume so. Ah well, we had some uh steaks and wine, then we held hands, walked around the Library of Congress, [smiles] made out by the Vietnam memorial. Then we went back to her place and she uh, well she checked out my Washington Monument.
| | George: | Oh oh!
| | Laura: | Karl, you wild boy!
| | Karl: | It was SO great, she makes me feel alive, Mrs. Bush. Thank you!
| | Laura: | [stands up] Well, Karl, it was my pleasure! I am happy to see you so happy. [turns away]
| | Karl: | The only problem is, I don't know how I'm gonna tell my wife.
| | Laura: | Oh, I'm sure you'll ju-du-your WHAT?! [looks at Karl]
| | Karl: | My wife. I... think I have to tell her, I mean, we have been together for twenty-five years.
| | Laura: | You're married?
| | Karl: | Well yeah, I...have a wife and a nine-year-old daughter at home. [Laura looks at George. George smiles and shrugs, Laura looks at Karl again.]
| | Laura: | [jaw drops] But you said you wanted to go out and find someone new.
| | Karl: | Oh, and it was great! You were totally right, Mrs. Bush! Having a new love in my life has given me a fresh perspective.
| | George: | Karl, we didn't mean for you to cheat on your wife.
| | Karl: | Oh, listenL you, you did me a favor. Janet and I have been together so long the excitement is gone. You made me realize that maybe I should just ...move on. [places his right hand on Laura's left shoulder, then softly] Thanks you guys. [lets go and walks away] Some enchanted evening...
| | Laura: | [looks at George] God, what have we done?
| | [Outside, the protests continues. Two men install a sign on the building...]
BUSH
&
NORTON: | OUR
LAND,
| NOT OIL LAND!
|
|---|
|
|---|
| | [The Oval Office. George looks out over the crowd somberly]
| | Princess: | Mr. President, the leader of the environment protesters outside would like to meet with you.
| | George: | Oh, Jesus! Right now?
| | Larry: | [strolls right in] Saaayy George! [shows his "KISS MY ALASKA"] It's your favorite tree hugger!
| | George: | Larry, are you the leader of this protest?!
| | Larry: | Say, I'm hungry, George. Wanna join me for atsteak?
| | George: | What's "atsteak"?
| | Larry: | [strolls around the room and towards George at the desk] Thousands of acres of national park, the safety of endangered wildlife, and the lives of the Alaskan people. THAT's what's at stake, George!
| | George: | Oh brother.
| | Larry: | George, this land is my land, this land is your land. How can you drill on it?!
| | George: | Because, Larry, if we don't drill for oil in Alaska, we're gonna have to BUY it! You know who we're gonna have to buy it from?? Saddam Hussein! Right, Karl?! [Larry turns to see]
| | Karl: | [relaxing blissfully on the couch] What? Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. [Kanook-nook sits next to him rocking back and forth]
| | George: | Tell Larry all that stuff you told me about why we have to drill in Alaska!
| | Karl: | Oh, I... forgot.
| | George: | Karl?!
| | Larry: | Look, George, unless you can come up with a way to appease those people out there, you'd better be ready for attacks of ecological sabotage!
| | George: | Are you threatening the White House with eco-tage?!
| | Larry: | Let's just say that if you don't back down, the doodie's gonna hit the fan!
| | George: | Did you hear THAT, Karl?!
| | Karl: | The birds singing? Yes, I hear them.
| | [The living room. Maggie is dusting off the TV as Laura paces back and forth]
| | Laura: | Ohhh, this is awful! Why didn't Karl tell us he was married?
| | Maggie: | Ohhh, I'm sure it's only 'cause... Karl's an insensitive asshole who doesn't care about anybody. [the doorbell rings and Laura goes for the door. She opens the door and a woman and girl enter]
| | Woman: | Laura Bush?
| | Laura: | Yes?
| | Woman: | [removes her hat] I'm Janet Rove. Karl Rove's wife?
| | Laura: | Ohhh.
| | Janet: | Why would you tempt my husband with one of your vixens?
| | Laura: | Mrs. Rove, I didn't-
| | Janet: | Just look at this poor little young girl. Just look at her! YOU look her in the face and tell her her [looks at the girl] daddy's not gonna be around any longer.
| | Girl: | Dad's, Daddy's what?
| | Laura: | Perhaps your daughter could play with Maggie so you and I can discuss this-
| | Janet: | YOUUU tell her... [looks at the girl] that her daddy's not gonna be there to tuck her into bed at night. Or to take her to her speech-therapy classes. YOU tell her... [the girl begins to cry, and Janet looks at her] that Daddy doesn't love her anymore.
| | Girl: | [cries. Janet raises her arms in an "I told you so" shrug] Daddy, I miss my daddy.
| | Janet: | There. Look at what you made her do! [then to the girl, softly, but with rising voice] Come on, sweetie. Let's go before this woman has us arrested!
| | Girl: | Why, lady, why?
| | Laura: | I didn't understand that your daddy was- [Janet raises her purse up so Laura and the girl can't see each other]
| | Janet: | Don't look her in the eyes, honey. She might turn you into stone. [mother and daughter leave, and Laura closes the door]
| | Laura: | [ashamed] Oh my God!!
| | George: | [rounds the corner and enters the living room, with Princess close behind] Laura, this new and improved happy Karl, drivin' me nuts! I've gotta give a speech tomorrow, to those protesters outside! Without Karl, I'm scurewed!
| | Laura: | I know, George! You should've known he was married!
| | George: | Well it was your idea to set him up with your friend!
| | Laura: | [goes towards the couch, then turns around] Ooooh wellll we'll just have to convince him they're not in love.
| | Maggie: | Look, it's one date. I'm sure Karl isn't in love with this new girl. He's just bored with his marriage.
| | Laura: | You're right, Maggie. Uh-uhhh what we've gotta do is get Karl and his wife together so they could rediscover each other.
| | George: | Yeah, we've got to find a way to get them together to talk.
| | Princess: | Maybe we could send them on a second honeymoon. Or buy them a bird-feeder! [points to her as if to approve one of her ideas, but thinks better of it and turns around]
| George: | Hey, I got an idea! We could do what Geena Davis did.
| | Maggie: | Vaginal reconstruction?
| | George: | No!! [motions to the TV] Trapped in a small space!
| | Maggie: | Huh?
| | George: | Remember, Laura? On TV, you said whenever they have two people who need to resolve some issue, they trap 'em in a small space?? [elaborates, starting with a soft voice, putting his fingertips together] Yeah. If we trap Karl and his wife together somewhere, maybe they can work out their marriage peoblems.
| | Laura: | Well, it does work on TV.
| | Maggie: | Mrs. Bush, you're not actually buying into this idiot, are you?
| | Laura: | You have a better solution, Maggie?
| | Maggie: | Yes! I think George should take his own life.
| | George: | [drops his hands] How's that gonna fix anything?!
| | Maggie: | Make it a lot nicer for me. [smiles]
| | [George locks some double doors. George, Laura, Maggie, Princess, and Kanook-nook are present. George fiddles with the doors]
| | George: | There, did you see that? I made the door to the Green Room self-locking. [to Laura] You call Karl's wife?
| | Laura: | She's on her way.
| | George: | Great. Now, I'm gonna get Karl and I'm gonna trick him into comin' here. Now, when Karl's wife arrives, you trick her, we'll close the door, trappin' 'em in a small space!
| | Princess: | Neato!
| | Kanook-nook: | Oihil good!
| | George: | You go... that way!
| | Princess: | Ready, break!! [they all leave, with George leaving last. George presses a button against a private elevator. The door opens. George chuckles to himself]
| | Larry: | [they see each other. Larry has a plumber's wrench] Uh oh.
| | George: | [enters the elevator] What the hell are you doin' here, traitor Larry?!
| | Larry: | [innocently] Nothin' [whistles. George quickly checks him out.]
| | George: | You ecotaged my house, didn't you?!
| | Larry: | Alaska must not be harmed!
| | George: | What did you do, Larry?!
| | Larry: | Alright alright! I set your sewage to overflow. I wanted you to see what it's like to have YOUR home defiled!
| | George: | You what?!
| | Larry: | I- [the elevator shakes violently, then stops]
| | George: | What the hell?? [Larry begins to press buttons] Oh, great!
| | Larry: | [stops pressing buttons and looks at George] I thnk we're stuck!
| | George: | We're stuck?? Oh crap!!
| | [Night. Protests continue on the streets of Washington DC]
| | [The elevator, several hours later. George is pounding on the doors, Larry sits on the flooe fiddling with the wrench]
| | George: | Hey! Hey, we're stuck down here!
| | Larry: | Relax, man, you're gonna pop a 'rhoid.
| | George: | I can't relax! I've gotta make a statement to thsoe protesters out there! And unless I get Karl and his wife back together, I'm gonna be all on my own!
| | Larry: | Serves you right. How could you care so little that you would wanna drill in Alaska?
| | George: | NOBODY GOES TO ALASKA, LARRY!!
| | [The living room. Karl enters and goes towards the front door.]
| | Laura: | [spots him and jumps from the couch] Karl!!
| | Karl: | Laura.
| | Laura: | [catches up to him] Uhhhh, uh you're supposed to be in the Green Room!
| | Karl: | Uh no, I'm gonnan take your friend Katie out for some seafood.
| | Laura: | Well you can't! I mean, uh, there's a... a surprise for you in the Green Room.
| | Karl: | A what?
| | Laura: | Uh uh... Maggie! Go show him the surprise.
| | Maggie: | [flatly] Uh yeah yeah, come quick. You won't believe it. [motions for Karl to follow as she leaves. He follows]
| | Laura: | Oh... [stops next to Princess] What the hell is George doing?!
| | [The elevator]
| | George: | Besides, I can't believe you'd be sneakin' around my house, backin' up my sewage, just because of some stupid oil drillin'!
| | Larry: | Well I'll do anything to make you leave the environment alone!
| | George: | You drive a car, heat your home. Oil's gotta come from SOMEWHERE!!
| | Larry: | Buy it from the Middle East!
| | George: | Oh no, that creates terrible political repercussions!
| | Larry: | Like what?
| | George: | [stretching out the words] I don't know! [voice rising] Karl knows like what and he can't explain to people, so I trapped him and his wife in a small space!! [bangs on the door again.] AAAAAAAAA!!
| | [A small room with a couch - the Green Room]
| | Karl: | Alright, so what's the surprise?
| | Maggie: | Uhhh, it's coming.
| | Karl: | Well I don't have time.
| | Maggie: | Karl, you know, you and I never get a chance to talk. [pats the couch's cushions firmly]
| | Karl: | Look, [closes the door] whatever this is about-
| | Maggie: | [jumps up upon hearing the door close and rushes to the door] Ohhh no no no! Don't shut that door! [tries to open it] Engh! Damn!
| | Karl: | What?
| | Maggie: | Now we're locked in.
| | Karl: | Locked in?? [tries to open the door] What? That's the surprise??
| | Maggie: | [pounds on the door] Hey! We're locked in here!
| | Karl: | I have a date in half an hour! Why would you-? [tries to open the door, but pauses] Maggie... [assuming a come-hither look] Are you uh, trying to seduce me? [Maggie looks at him and begins to laugh her ass off.]
| | [The living room. Laura paces back and forth, checking her watch]
| | Laura: | This is hopeless.
| | Princess: | [runs across the living room from dining room to another corner] I still can't find the President, Mrs. Bush. I'm gonna go look for him in the basement.
| | Laura: | [the doorbell rings and she turns towards the door] Finally. [answers the door] Thank you so much for comin', Mrs. Rove.
| | Janet: | Well, it's the least I can do for someone who's ruined my marriage.
| | Laura: | [closes the door] That's alright Mrs. Rove. [catches up to Janet] We've come up with a way to get you two back together. If you'll just follow me to the Green Room. [walks off. Janet drops her stuff off and follows] Right this way, Mrs. Rove. [they come across a growing puddle of sewage] Ewww.
| | Janet: | What's that?
| | Laura: | Looks like sewage. It must be backed up.
| | Janet: | Makes sense in your house.
| | Laura: | Come on, let's go to the Green Room the other way. [they turn around, only to find the sewage coming at them from behind]
| | Janet: | AH!
| | Laura: | AH! Noo!
| | Janet: | Ew, it's disgusting! Shut it off!
| | Laura: | I'm not walkin' through that!
| | Janet: | Neither am I!
| | Laura: | Well then, I guess... we're trapped.
| | [The elevator. Both George and Larry sit on the floot]
| | George: | Well, this is it. Larry, one of us may have to sacrifice himself so the other can eat.
| | Larry: | It's only been a couple of hours, George.
| | George: | But I'm hunnngggrrryyy! [throws a tantrum]
| | Larry: | [looks at the elevator's ceiling] Wait a minute. [rises] Look at this. [pokes at a large square in the middle of the ceiling] This grill comes off!
| | George: | [rises as well] Oh great! We can use it to grill the meat!
| | Larry: | No, we can probably crawl up through this shaft and get to the air vents.
| | George: | Oh.
| | Larry: | It looks dangerous, though. I'll wait here, you go get help! [George quickly puts his hands on Larry's shoulder as Larry prepares to hoist him up] Eh, George? I'm sorry I ecotaged your sewage. I still don't think you should drill in Alaska, but... I took it too far.
| | George: | I'm sorry I yelled at ya. No matter what we believe in, we should still be friends.
| | Larry: | Right! [George claps him on the shoulder twice and Larry lifts him up through the ceiling]
| | [The Green Room. Maggie is still laughing. Karl now sits on the couch]
| | Maggie: | [through the laughter] "Are you trying to seduce me, Maggie?"
| | Karl: | Alright, alright, alright, you can stop now. Okay? You know, I don't know where you get off making people feel bad.
| | Maggie: | Me? [approaches the couch] Me making people feel bad?
| | Karl: | [stands up] Yeah, that's right! You do it all the time! You insult everyone!
| | Maggie: | Well look who's talking?! Someone who would leave his wife after one date with another woman - you're the asshole.
| | Karl: | [turns away sad] Look. I care about my wife, alright? I'm... just realy confused right now.
| | Maggie: | Oh my God. Mr. Tough Conservative has a soft spot after all.
| | [The hallway. Laura and Janet are now curled up on chairs as the sewage closes in on them. They hold their noses closed]
| | Janet: | So you didn't even know Karl was married?
| | Laura: | Of course not. If I did, I would never have set him up with my friend.
| | Janet: | Well then I... I guess I'm sorry I yelled at you.
| | Laura: | I understand. It's a stressful situation.
| | Janet: | Yeah. If only Karl and I can talk about it.
| | Laura: | Well that's what we were tryin tuh-. Just wait here. I'm gonna leave and try and shut off the sewage from the bathroom. [leaves her chair and trudges through the sewage] Oh my God...
| | Janet: | Thanks.
| | [The air vents. George and Larry are crawling through them now]
| | George: | Let's see. By now, Laura must have trapped Karl's wife in the Green Room. That means, if I can trap Karl there now, well there'll still be four hours for them to work out their differences... before the speech. [finds another man coming his way in the air duct] Karl!
| | Karl: | Mr. President.
| | George: | What are you doing in here?
| | Karl: | Oh I... got trapped in the Green Room with Maggie, so I decided to try to use these air vents as a way out.
| | George: | You were trapped with Maggie?!
| | Karl: | Ih-it was kinda nice though, we we got to work some stuff out, but... now I gotta go.
| | George: | [stops Karl from moving further and points behind Karl] The Green Room down that way?
| | Karl: | Yeah.
| | George: | Come on, we're going back.
| | Karl: | [pushing forward] No! I am very late for my date! I'm going this way!
| | George: | Karl! [Karl pushes on, lifting George, but George senses a problem] Uh oh.
| | Karl: | [after hearing something fall off] Oh damnit! Now we're stuck.
| | [A bathroom. Laura reaches it and checks out the pipes. One segnent of pipe is missing between the toilet and the wall.]
| | Laura: | Hey! It looks like someone ecotaged this thing! [stands up and heads for the bathroom door] Gotta go find George. [tries to open the door, but finds herself locked in. She shakes the doorknob harder] Oh, God, you're kiddin' me! Oh no! [slumps back against the door]
| | [The basement. Kanook-nook is in there trying to carve up an animal corpse to satisfy his hunger]
| | Princess: | [enters the room] Mr. President? Are you in here? [notices Kanook-nook] Oh, hello.
| | Kanook-nook: | Oil good! [the door closes behind Princess. She turns and tries to open it, but the handle comes off in her hands]
| | Princess: | [turns around] Uh ohhhh...
| | [The air vent. George and Karl are still stick there.]
| | George: | You abandoned me! I'm gonna have to face all those people outside!
| | Karl: | But you guys set me up. I thought you wanted me to have fun.
| | George: | That hasn't meant hangin' me out to dry! That's why we brought your wife here!
| | Karl: | I do love my wife, but... God, I'm supposed to never have fun again?
| | George: | You just gotta find other ways to have fun, Karl.
| | Karl: | Well I'm sorry I abandoned you, Mr. President.
| | George: | Yeah well, I'm sorry I tried to trick ya.
| | Karl: | [some silence, then] Let's try again.
| | George: | Yeah.
| | Karl: | Ready? One... Two...
| | George: | Two...
| | Karl: | Three! [Karl goes forward and the two men are free from each other]
| | George: | Agh! [recovers] Aw, great! Come on, Karl! Let's talk to the protesters! [goes towards the Green Room]
| | Karl: | No, I've got a date. [goes towards the elevator]
| | George: | Karl!!
| | [The bathroom. Laura looks around, then looks at herself in the mirror]
| | Laura: | How could you be so stupid?! You just had to go play matchmaker! Now look at you! You're locked in the bathroom with sewage on your shoes!!
| | [The Green Room. Maggie is sitting on the couch checking her watch. Behind her the ceiling comes crashing down. George and Karl fall to the ground screaming]
| | Maggie: | Uh oh.
| | George: | [rises and spits something out] Maggie! What time is it?
| | Maggie: | Almost eight.
| | George: | Oh God! I gotta go speak to the protesters! [heads for the doors to open them]
| | Maggie: | It's locked.
| | George: | [releases the handle and puts his back to the door] Oh, man! [walks towards the couch looking defeated] Oh well. You want me to start?
| | Maggie: | Sure, why not?
| | George: | [sits down on the couch next to her] Alright. Maggie, I've always hated the way you mouth off at me. I mean, I'm the President!
| | [Basement. Princess is sitting on a stool while Kanook-nook looks for stuff on the wall shelves]
| | Princess: | And I guess that's why I've always had a problem with Eskimos. I mean, how can you guys kill all those all those caribous?
| | Kanook-nook: | Oil good.
| | Princess: | Yeah, I guess I should be more tolerant of Eskimos.
| | Kanook-nook: | Oil good! [bangs his head against a bag on a tray] Oil good! [walks towards the door and sticks his spear into the crack] Oil good! [jiggles the spear and cracks open the door] Oil good!
| | Princess: | Hey, you broke the lock!
| | Kanook-nook: | [leaves the room] Oil good!! [Princess gets up and follows him out]
| | [The elevator. Karl and Larry are talking]
| | Karl: | You just don't understand the ramifications of paying Arab nations for oil! It's blood money!
| | Larry: | Look at it this way: paying Arabs for oil is like payin' a prostitute for sex. It might be a little underhanded and dirty, but at least you don't screw up your own home. [Karl stands up in wonder] Look. Oil is a necessary evil. But if ya have to have it, maybe it's better to go... PAY for it, than ruining everything in our own country.
| | Karl: | My God, Larry. You're right. [the elevator shakes again and they brace for further shaking. When the doors begin to open a bit, they turn and help open the doors all the way. Ouside are the other six adults: Kanook-nook, Laura, Princess, George, Janet, and Maggie. Chatter ensues]
| | George: | Karl! The protesters! We've gotta talk to 'em now!
| | Karl: | It's alright! I think I know just what to say! [Strides out, and the others follow quickly]
| | [Washington, day. The protests continue. "Stop Oil Drilling! Stop Oil Drilling! Stop Oil Drilling! Stop Oil Drilling!" On the patio, protesters toss stones at the President's people. George arrives at the podium.]
| | George: | Everyone! Now to update us about the situation in Alaska, my senior advisor, Karl Rove! [mixed reactions. Some applaud, some boo. Karl waves to the crowd]
| | Karl: | [chuckles] Aw, thank you, thank you, this is very gratifying. Over the fast few hours I think uh, we've all learned a lot about ourselves. But I guess I've learned the most important lesson of all. [backs up and looks at Janet] Sweetheart? [Janet approaches] I was about to give up twenty-five years of marriage for the excitement of a new woman. But now, I've realized that I can get the same excitement by just paying prostitutes for sex. [softly] But a new love doesn't come between me and my wife.
| | Janet: | Aw, Karl. I love you. [cheers and applause erupt among the protesters and the camera looks around]
| | Karl: | And as for the environment, we, we realize that it's better to pay for and drill elsewhere than to screw up our own. And Mr. President, if you don't mind, ...I say we not drill in Alaska!! [Larry jumps up and down for joy as the protesters cheer this news]
| | Kanook-nook: | Oil good! [more boos, and stones come flying at Kanook-nook.]
| | [The White House, moments later. The protests have turned to cheers]
| | George: | Well Laura, I guess everythingn worked out.
| | Laura: | It sure did, but if you ever sleep with a prostitute, I'll kill you.
| | George: | Ohoho Laura, one of these days, Laura, I'm gonna
| | Protesters: | [chiming in] Punch You In The Face!! [George and Laura kiss]
| | [End of Trapped in a Small Environment]
| | |