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TRANSCRIPT:
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Scene: Steve’s house.  Pam and Judy are sitting on the couch watching TV.  Steve’s at the table working at a laptop computer.]

Judy: Is the TV too loud for you, Honey?

Steve: Oh, no, I’m fine.  It’s quiet over here. [Marty appears making a lot of noise.  He’s got party blowers, those clacking spinny things, a bell and he’s wearing a flat straw hat.]

Marty: Vote for proposition 12.

Steve: What’s that?

Marty: Outlawing noise makers. [He spins the clacky thing again.]

Steve: What’s all this for.

Marty: Election day in Heaven! Washington ran against Lincoln but somehow Nixon won. [He blows the blower again.]

Steve: Shh. [Steve moves and sits next to Judy.]

Marty: Boy, you guys sure know how to have fun on a Friday night. *snore* [the noise, he doesn’t actually say it.  Katie walks in the front door holding a black cat, Salem.]

Katie: Hey, look. I found a stay cat.

Marty: Ooo, now the excitement begins.

Judy: [Getting up] Hey, he looks just like a cat that I had when I was a kid. [She takes Salem]

His name was Cat Stevens.

Pam: Yeah, but in the eighties you had to rename him Yosaphy Braham.[pardon my speeling]

Judy: I miss the seventies.  Back then I wasn’t sitting home without a date on a Friday night.

Steve:   Oh, Mom.  None of us have dates tonight either.

Pam: Thanks for cheering us up, kid.

Judy: I wish live could be like the seventies again.

Salem: Ooo, that is a bad thing to say when you’re holding a magical time travelling cat.

[The scene disappears down a psychedelic colour tunnel and comes out in the same place but in 1976.  Everyone’s in the same place, but Salem has gone and everyone’s dressed in 70's style clothing.  Steve and Marty have side burns {Ew!} and Marty’s traded in his usual gear for a white disco suit.]

Judy: Who want’s some Vondoo before we start our string art?

Steve: Yeah, way da be!

Katie: Righteous! [They give each other five.]

Marty: Right on Funky momma, get down with your bad self!  What the heck am I saying?



[Opening titles.]



[Scene: School corridor.  Everyone’s wearing bad clothes with even worse haircuts.  The twins walk past looking like large blond Tribbles {lit. Star Trek, Duh} have died on their heads.  Steve and Marty walk in and the principle’s voice comes over the intercom.]

Principle:Good morning, Students.  Once again we celebrate America’s beloved birthday with bi-centennial minute. Steve: Oh, man, theses are always so lame.

Principle: On this day in 1776 Georgia patriot Button Gwyneth found his lost pair of spectacles.  That is all.

Marty: Lame?  I beg to differ. [Music starts to play and Jordan spins out of a door way doing a little dance.  He does a pelvis thrust in the middle of the corridor and walks over to Steve]

Jordan: Steve, man! [They give each other five]

Steve: Hey, what’s shaking, Jordan. [Jordan produces a piece of paper.]

Jordan: Check it out! They’re turning the roller rink into a disco.

Steve: Oh, cool!  Disco rules!

Jordan and Steve: Five, six, seven, eight [They do an identical ‘Saturday night fever’ style dance.]

Marty: Look, people can’t see me but they can see you. [Jordan leaves and Kenny comes up to them.  He’s got a huge fluffy hair cut too.]

Kenny: Hey, man.  Did you see ‘ Charlie’s Angel’s ’ last night?  They went under cover as stupid bimbos.

Steve: Wow.  That’s even better than the time they went under cover as bad actresses.

Kenny: Hey, Steve. Check out my new watch. [He shows him] It’s digital.

Steve: Oh, freakadellic!

Kenny: And it only cost 400 dollars.  Well, catch you on the flip a tee flop! [He starts to walk off]

Steve: Yeah, mellow out, Kenny. [He pats him on the back and Kenny falls over, landing in a pile on the floor with the Twins.] Heavy.

Marty: Man, I get the feeling something’s not right here.

Steve: What do you mean?

Marty: The clothes seem weird, the music’s tacky, and I was watching ‘Saturday Night Live’

and it was fresh and inventive.



[Scene: Steve, Marty and Pam are sitting on the couch watching TV.]

TV: President Ford makes his way down the stairs.

Marty: Five bucks says he trips.

Steve: He’s the President, he’s not gonna trip. [Marty snaps his fingers]

TV: Oh, and he slips!  This may be the gaff that tosses the election to Jimmy Carter. [Marty’s face drops]

Marty: I did a bad thing. [Katie comes running in with a sock.  A dog follows her and grabs hold of it.] Since when do you have a dog?

Steve: What?  It’s always been like this.  Me and you and a dog named Boo. [Anyone know how that’s really spelt?  Steve gets up to get a drink]

Marty: Listen, man.  This might sound crazy but I get the feeling that we’re all in the wrong year. We belong in 1997.

Steve: 1997?  That’s ridiculous.  By then we’ll have rocket cars and be living on Mars.

Marty: No, but we will have powerful computers that fit on our desks, and we’ll use them to play Solitaire! Steve: You’re nuts, man. [Judy comes in from outside]

Judy: Hello, everyone.

Steve: Oh, hey, mom.  How was your date?

Judy: Not so great.

Pam: Well at least you got out of the house for two hours.  So quit complaining.

Judy: He seemed like such a nice man, but as usual, as soon as I told him I have children it was all over.

Pam: Oh, Honey.  Cheer up.  You’re young, you’re blond, you’re beautiful, now cheer me up.

Judy: They’re cancelling Donny and Marie.

Pam: Righteous! [She gets up and leaves.  Judy sits down, disappointed. Boo jumps up next to her with a sock and puts his head on her lap.]

Judy: Aw, hello, Boo.  You’re such a good boy.  I wish there was a man out there as sweet and loyal as you. [Boo whines a little and licks her face.  She hugs him] Oh, what I wouldn’t give for just one good date.

Steve: Marty, are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Marty: I hope not.  I’m thinking how foxy your mom would look in a halter top and hot pants.



[Scene: Steve’s room.  Boo is sitting on Steve’s bed and Steve and Marty are standing.]

Marty: Forget it!  I’m not turning Boo into a man.

Steve: Oh, come on!  You’re my guardian angel.  Just use your powers to help me.

Marty: Steve, I learned something very important in the time since I got those powers.

Steve: Oh what?

Marty: They don’t work so well.

Steve: Look, I don’t ask you for much, but it isn’t for me.  I want you to help my mother.

Marty: By fixing her up with a dog? She at least deserves a stately elk. Steve: Man, I don’t want him to marry her, but she’s had such bad luck with guys lately I just wanna give her some hope.

Marty: Alright.  If I do this for you, you’ll have to use your awesome powers for me.

Steve: What powers?

Marty: Make me a sandwich. [Steve nods with agreement and they do the giving each other five thing.  Marty goes over to Boo and snap his fingers.  I furry hat appears on Marty’s head.  In a sing song style..]Boooooo, today you are a man. [He snaps his fingers again and in a puff of smoke Boo disappears and a naked man appears on Steve’s bed. Face down of course.  Steve turns away and Marty cover’s his eyes.  In a funny accent] Oi!  His hoopic is showing! Steve: Give him some clothes.

Marty: Got it. [He snaps his fingers again and in other puff of smoke the guy becomes fully dressed.  Boo looks at himself and gets up] Congratulations, Boo.  I just made you a human.

Boo: Alright!  Thanks! [He grabs Marty’s face and starts licking his cheek.  Marty pushes him off.]

Marty: First rule of being human, don’t do that! [he wipes his face.]

Boo: But can I still lick myself?

Steve: Better yet make that the first rule.

Boo: I don’t like being human.  Change me back now! [He starts growling at Marty.]

Marty: Easy, easy.  Good boy. [He pats him on the head but Boo smacks his hand away.]

Boo: Don’t patronise me, sonny.  I’m four years old. [Steve comes over and breaks them up]

Steve: OK, OK. It was a stupid idea anyway.  I was just trying to make my mom feel better, that’s all.

Boo: Your mom?  Aw, I like her.

Steve: You do?

Boo: Oh, yeah!  She feeds me from the table and she smells so good!

Marty: Oh, yeah!

Steve: Hey, that’s my Mom you’re talking about!

Boo&Marty: Sorry.

Steve: If you’d just take her out just once it would make her so happy.

Boo: Ok! [He jumps up on the bed and back down again] I’ll do it! [He puts his arms around Marty and Steve’s shoulders] You know what?  This is really exciting.

Marty&Steve: Yeah! [Boo pushes them aside and grabs a pair of Steve’s shoes with his teeth and starts shaking them around.]

Marty: Uh, try not to do that. [He tries to take the shoe from him but Boo keeps a tight hold.]



[Scene: Steve’s house.  From now on Boo with be called Bob.  Pam is sitting at the table speaking into a short wave radio set.  Steve and Judy are sitting on the couch.]

Pam: Breaker, breaker, one nine.  This is Big Red outta Shaky town.  Whatcha twenty, come back. [She stares at it for a moment.] What a colossal waste of time. [The door bell rings.]

Judy: [getting up] I’ll get it. [She opens the door and Boo, now known as Bob is holding onto the door frame scratching his head with his leg vibrating.  He sees Judy’s answered the door and stands up straight]

Bob: Hi.

Judy: Hi. [Marty is now standing behind him nodding.]

Bob: Um, my Gremlin just broke down outside and I was wondering if I could use your phone.

Judy: Of course.  Please come in.....um....

Bob: Oh, Bob.  Bob Dogman. [He goes in.  Marty starts to follow but Steve stops him]

Steve: Bob Dogman?

Marty: It was either that or Fred Buttsniffer.

Judy: The phone’s right there. [Bob sits down and bounces a little on the couch] Sorry about the couch.  The dog chewed it up.  We’re thinking of getting him fixed. [Bob jumps up]

Bob: Oh, he’ll be good from now on.

Judy: I get the feeling that we’ve met before.

Bob: No, I’m pretty sure I’d remember meeting someone as lovely as you.

Marty: Boo, you are a sly old dog. [Steve gives him an ‘OK’ sign.]



[Scene: Same as before.  Katie’s there now with a ball.  So’s Pam]

Katie: Bob, catch! [She pretends to throw the ball and Bob turns to look for it.  He falls onto all fours then stand up and turns back to her.]

Bob: Aha!  You got me again, Katie.

Judy: You have such a way with kids, Bob. [She hands him a mug]

Bob: Oh, I love kids.  Give me a child and an old sock and I could play for hours. [He sits down.  She sits next to him]

Judy: Really? Most men I meet aren’t interested in children.

Bob: Ah, well then they’re fools.  Because you are a wonderful woman, and your lovely children just complete the package.

Pam: That’s is, Damien.  You are officially too good to be true.

Bob: Uh, Judy, look.  There’s this new Disco, and I was wondering, I know this my sound a little forward, I mean, but could I take you to [in a daft high pitched voice] Funky Town?

Judy: I would love to got with you, Bob.

Bob: Great.  Then it’s a date.

Judy: Yes. [He gets up]

Bob: Um, it’s been a pleasure meeting you. [She shakes his hand] and thank you so much for letting me sit on the couch. [He leaves.]

Judy: Were have you been all my life?

Marty: Rolling in poop on the front lawn.



[Scene: Rock in Space.  Surprise, surprise, Heady has a flock of seagulls hair cut also.  Oh the fun they must have had making this episode.]

Marty: Hey, there’s something I gotta ask you.  I get the feeling we’re all in the wrong decade.

Heady: Yes, it’s true.  We belong in 1997. But we should enjoy the 70's while they last.  I’m playing Pong. [I’m sure everyone’s played this game.  If don’t then where the hell have you been?  It was one of the first computer games and consisted of two white lines at either side of the screen and a white dot that bounces between them.  The screen now looks like that but Heady is playing the part of the ball and bouncing between the two paddles.]

Marty: Are you finished yet?

Heady: Just about. [the words ‘game over’ flash on the screen and Heady comes back to the front.] Now, what else can I do for you?

Marty: Steve’s mom was starting to lose her faith in guys, so I fixed her up with a man.

Heady: I can dig it.

Marty: But, the guy used to be Steve’s dog.

Heady: Bummer.  I’m afraid that any creature changed against it’s will must inevitably revert to it’s natural state.  Marty: I have an idea.  Say that again, but just for kicks, let’s pretend for a moment  I’m a 15 year old who never graduated high school.

Heady: Listen, turkey.  I’m saying that because Boo did not want to become a human, he’ll become a dog again at precisely 11:43 pm.

Marty: 11:43?  But it was Midnight in Cinderella.

Heady: This is real life, but some jive fairy tale. Oh, I gotta go.  I’m in charge of the welcoming committee for Bing Crosby.

Marty: But what am I supposed to do?

Heady: Have a nice day. [He turns into an acid smiley face.]



[Commercial Break]  

[Scene: Steve’s house.  Pam and Katie are sitting on the couch doing something to a pile of clothes.  Judy comes in really for her date and doing alittle boogie thing]

Pam: What are you doing?

Judy: The Hustle.

Pam: Uh Heh, heh.

Judy: Oh, I feel so excited about tonight.  Maybe Bob’ll be the one.

Pam: And you’ll be Mrs Judy Fuluty Beauchamp Dogman?

Judy: It rolls off the tongue.

Pam: Well, you can settle for the first smoothy that walks through the door if you want, but not me.  I’m still looking for Mr Good bar. [She picks through the pile of clothes and pulls out a Mr Good bar.] Oh, and here it is. [Katie takes it]

Judy: Pam, I have waited so long to find a nice guy. [Steve comes into the room] You think Bob is a good man, don’t you, Steve?

Steve: Well sure I do. [suddenly worried] What he do? [Marty pops in]

Marty: Man, we got trouble.  And there it is, crawling through the doggie door. [We see Bob’s head emerging through the doggie door.  Marty pops in again next to the door and tries

pushing Bob back through it.  Bob keeps trying to get through so Marty pushes him back with his foot.  Bob gives up and rings the bell.  Judy answers it]

Bob: Hi, Judy.

Judy: Hi, Bob.  Uh, I’ll be ready in a minute.  Won’t you sit down?

Bob: Sure. [Judy walks off and Bob walks over to the chair where he walks around in a circle.  Pam gives him a really odd look.  He does a few more spins then sits down.]

Pam: Sure you don’t wanna turn around a few more times?

Bob: No, that was sufficient. [Steve goes over to Marty]

Steve: What’s going on here?

Marty: Bob’s gonna turn back into a dog at precisely 11:43.

Steve: 11:43?

Marty: I know, it’s got no pizzazz.

Steve: Well, let’s just try to make it through this.  If we break this date it’ll break my mom’s heart. [Judy comes back]

Judy: All set.

Bob: Great.

Steve: Uh, mom, you know, maybe I should go with you guys.  I, uh, really wanna see the disco.

Judy: Oh, honey, you can go anytime.  Disco’s gonna last forever.

Bob: [murmurs to Steve] She’s right Steve, three’s a crowd.

Steve: Do you want me to tell her who threw up on the rug?

Bob:[to Judy] The more the merrier! [Steve opens the door] And might I say, Judy, that you look fantastic.

Judy: Thank you.  And let me tell you, you have an incredible smile.

Bob: Well I chew on a lot of bones. [Steve jumps back in]

Steve: Nothing crazy about that.  Let’s go. [They all leave]



[Scene: In the car.  Steve’s in the back.  Judy’s driving and Bob’s in the passenger seat with his head sticking out of the window and panting.  He barks at a car that drives past then goes

back to panting.  He leans even further out of the window and Steve pulls him back in so Bob starts whining.  Judy smiles, Bob smiles back, Steve gives a ‘yes, everything’s perfectly normal, honest’ kinda smile and Judy turns back to the road.  As soon as she turns away Bob sticks his head out of the window again and starts barking at cars.]



[Scene: At the disco.  Lots of people are there in the 70's gear, quite a few people from Steve’s school are there too.  Jordan jumps onto the dance floor and does a fancy disco type thing in true Saturday night fever style.  The twins walk past him.  I have no idea what they say to him.  If you can make it out then mail me and I’ll be you’re mate for life.  They end with a thumbs up and shuffle off doing a synchronised ‘shoop shoop’ thing.  Sabrina [from Sabrina the Teenage Witch] walks in wearing a perfectly normal 90's dress and carrying leaflets.  She walks up to Kenny.]

Sabrina: Hi, I’m looking for my cat. [She holds out a leaflet for him.]

Kenny: There’s lots of cats here.  Lots of cool cats.

Sabrina: How very vague of you. [She looks around] What is this? 70's night?

Kenny: It’s always 70's night.  It’s 1976.

Sabrina: Of course it is. [Kenny jumps onto the dance floor.]

Kenny: You wanna do the Bump?

Sabrina: I think in any decade the answer would be ‘no’. [Kenny looks hurt and walks off.]

Alright, the 70's.  Better look inconspicuous. [She steps behind a pillar and points to herself.  Her red dress turns into a black sparkly flared outfit thing.  Very 70's.] Perfect.  Woohoo! [She walks off.]



[Cut to Bob and Judy dancing.  Marty and Steve are watching them.]

Steve: Oh, man, it’s 11:15.  We’ve gotta get Bob away from my Mom.

Marty: It’s gonna be tough, they’re having a great time.  Your mom’s laughing and Bob’s.......

...wagging his tail! [Bob has a big black and white tail sticking out of his suit. ]



[Cut back to Sabrina.  She passes the twins and pushes a leaflet into one of their hands.  She then stops and has a look at them.]

Sabrina: Hey!  Aren’t you the hummel figurines I put a spell on last year?

Twins: You’re weird! [They walk off.  Sabrina goes to hand a leaflet to Marty.]

Sabrina: Excuse me, I’m looking for my cat.

Marty: You can see me?  Heavy......Mondo heavy......Major mondo heavy.  I’m supposed to be invisible to humans.  I’m an angel.

Sabrina: Oh.  Well, I’m a witch. [She starts to walk off]

Marty: A witch!  Next you’ll be telling me there’s Genies and Boys meeting worlds.

Sabrina: You wish! [Steve runs down to them with Bob who’s scratching.]

Steve: Marty, we’ve gotta get him to the men’s room.

Marty: Hey, give me a chance.  I’m talking to a beautiful girl.   [Steve takes Bob into the men’s room.] So, since you can see me [he licks his fingers and runs them over his eye brows] how do I look?

Sabrina: Like Liberache’s lawn jockey.

Marty: I’m so desperate I’ll take that as a complement. [Sabrina looks unimpressed.]



[Cut to Bob and Steve in the Bathroom.  Steve goes to close the door and Bob spots his tail and starts chasing it around.  Steve grabs him to stop him spinning.]

Steve: I really appreciate you showing my mom a good time, but you’re changing to fast.

Bob: Oh, no no, no, no. Please, let me stay with her. [He gets down on his knees.] I beg of you! [He starts whining.]

Steve: Look, it’s just not safe for you to be with her anymore. [Bob gets up.]

Bob: But, Steve, what am I supposed to do, just leave her out there?  Your mom does so much for me.  She fills my bowl, she doesn’t get mad at me when I shed on the couch, and

she puts my pills in the those nice little piece’s of cheese. [He starts imitating this with his hands and pretends to eat it.]

Steve: You really care about her, don’t you.

Bob: She’s my best friend.  At least let me say good bye to her.  I owe her that much.

Steve: Yeah, all right. [He goes to check the door.] You know, Bob?  You’re class all the way, man. [He turns back to Bob who’s now got his head in the toilet.] Bob, don’t drink

out of the toilet. [Bob get up] Bob: Sorry. [Steve gives him a tissue which he wipes his mouth with and hands back before walking out the door.  Steve looks grossed out then follows him.]



[Cut to Marty and Sabrina.]

Marty: So your cat really did change time! I told the Head something was wrong.

Sabrina: Who’s the Head?

Marty: He’s this all knowing blabber mouth up in space.

Sabrina: OK.  Well, it’s been nice chatting with you but I’ve gotta go find my talking cat.

[She walks off.]

Marty: [shouting after her] You don’t know how many times girls have blown me off with that line. [He looks defeated.]



[Cut to Salem sitting on a table wearing a white cat sized disco suit.]

Salem: Oh yeah!  Burn that mama down!  Eww. [Sabrina stands infront of him] Hey foxy mama.  How’d you find me? Sabrina: Through your credit card records.  It’s not very often someone buys a thousand dollar disco cat suit.

Salem: Just me and Ertha Kitt.



[Cut to Bob leading Judy down the stairs followed by Steve]

Judy: You have to leave now?

Bob: I’m afraid so.  And look, Judy, this is kinda RUFF for me to say, but I’m not the guy for you.

Judy: I can’t believe you’re saying this.

Steve: Uh, Bob, you really have to go now.  Without any more PAWS. [He looks down.  Bob follows his gaze and sees his feet are paws again.]

Bob: Listen, Judy, I think you’re a wonderful woman and any man would be lucky to find you.

Judy: Why can’t it be you?

Bob: Because I have a different path to follow. I’m about to trade my disco suit in for a collar.

Judy: Oh, I see.  Bob: See, that way I can spread my love to children, to old people, everyone!  Except cats. And in my own way I’ll always be faithful to you.

Judy: I have to believe you when you look at me with those big puppy dog eyes.

Bob: A, Already?  I gotta go.  Judy: Good bye, Bob. [He takes her hand.]

Bob: Good bye, Judy. [He kisses it.  Steve starts making ‘hurry up’ motions.  Bob lets her go and walks off with Steve.  Judy turns around so doesn’t see Bob change back into Boo as they walk past the pillar.]

Steve: Good boy, Boo.  Good boy. [They leave]



[Cut to Sabrina and Salem.]

Sabrina: Salem, to return us to the 90's you have to cough up that time ball. [Marty walks over.] I’m afraid we’re going to have to induce vomiting.

Marty: Hey, they’re about to play Monstrat Love.

Sabrina: That’ll do it. [Salem makes his pitiful crying sound.]



[Scene: Steve’s house.  Steve, Judy, Pam, Katie and Boo are in the front room.]

Steve: Mom, I’m sorry Bob had to leave so early.

Judy: Aw, it’s OK.  Now I know that somewhere there’s a guy for me. [She sits down next to Boo who whines.  She pets him.  The time travelling tunnel appears again and they all get transported back to the 90's.  Everyone’s in the same place apart from Boo who’s gone and Pam who was sitting with the short wave radio is now sitting infront of the laptop.]

Steve: Well, here it is.  Another Friday night at home.

Judy: Yeah.  But I get the feeling that somewhere there’s a guy for me.

Pam: If not there’s always the Internet. [She starts to type] This is Big Red....anyone else in the John Tesh chat room....besides you John. [She stops typing and shuts the lid.] What a colossal waste of time.



[Cut to outside Steve’s house where Marty and Sabrina are on the porch and Marty’s just finished looking in the window.]

Marty: Wow, we repaired the hole ripped in the fabric of time, but more importantly, do you have a boy friend?

Sabrina: Yup.

Marty: Well can he do this? [He snaps his fingers and a bunch of flowers appear.]

Sabrina: No, but he’s on the football team.

Marty: [deflated] Oh. [he throws them over his shoulder.] Well, when you’re dead, give me a call.

Sabrina: You’re cute, but I’m gonna live for a thousand years. [She smiles and walks off.  He shouts after her.]

Marty: I can wait! [He starts to follow.]



[Tag scene: The rock in space.  Marty and Sabrina are talking to Heady.]

Marty: Sabrina, allow me to introduce the Head. Head, this is Sabrina.  Sabi, Heady.  Heady, Sabi.  Brina, Headster.  Headster, Brina.  Opra, Uma.

Heady: Enough already!

Sabrina: So, Marty tells me you’re his assistant?

Heady: [laughs] I am not. [Laughs some more.  Marty gives Sabrina a guilty smile.] I happen to be over 30 thousand years old.  I can change the course of all....[Marty’s making ‘go away and leave me alone with the hot girl’ signals behind Sabrina.] Oh, I just remembered.  I’m double parked.  Excuse me. [He pops out]

Marty: So, ah, what do you think? [He gestures to the whole heaven/space thing in general]

Sabrina: Too Star Trek. [She points at it and it turns into a sunrise scene.]

Marty: Wow, pretty cool.  But I have great powers too.  I can make any woman fall for me.

Sabrina: [sounds impressed] Really.  Now that I’d like to see.

Marty: Very well! [He snaps his fingers.] There! [nothing happens]

Sabrina: Cool.  When does the magic start?

Marty: Oh, man.  Not again. I’m such a loser. [Looks upset.]

Sabrina: Aw. [She puts an arm around him and kisses him on the cheek.  Marty looks up]

Marty: It works every time. [Sabrina gives him a playful shove.] Woa!![he falls off the rock.]

Sabrina: [Looks over the edge then around her.] Oops.



The End!!!!!