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TRANSCRIPT:
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MAIN TITLES:

CHOIR / ANGELIC VOICES: The Simpsons!

Pan over Springfield Power Plant and the rest of Springfield.

Then, the camera works its way through a school window to see Bart Simpson.

He writes: "Garlic gum is not funny." on the chalkboard.

The bell rings and he runs out of the classroom and then out of the school on his skateboard.

After a high leap, he lands on the sidewalk and continues.

CUT TO:

NUCLEAR POWER PLANT

HOMER SIMPSON operates on a green piece of nuclear-something.  Another worker eats a sandwich behind him.

A whistle blows.  Homer takes off his mask and leaves.  The green thing bounces off the table and lands on his shirt.

CUT TO:

SUPERMARKET

MARGE SIMPSON reads a magazine (Mom Monthly) as food items are checked behind her.  Suddenly, MAGGIE SIMPSON, her baby daughter, comes into frame and slides across, unnoticed.

She is scanned and placed in a shopping bag inside a cart.  Marge is surprised as her head pops out.  Then, she breathes a sigh of relief and continues.

CUT TO:

SCHOOL BAND ROOM

LISA SIMPSON plays a different tune (The Simpsons tune) than the rest of the class.  Her instructor forces her out and she plays and dances as she walks out the door.

CUT TO:

HOMER'S CAR

Homer drives his pink car on a road.  He feels something uncomfortable behind his back  and reaches for the green thingy.  He proceeds to throw it out of the car where---

Bart slides up and snatches it up before looking at a display of TVs in a shop window and dodging a slew of pedestrians at a bus stop.  He grabs the BUS STOP sign away.  The bus suddenly passes them and they run off after it.

They run across a road where---

Marge passes in her car.

Inside, Maggie plays with a toy wheel.  They make several turns and then honk the horn together.

CUT TO:

Lisa attempts to handle a whole tower of books as she rides her bike.  She reaches the Simpsons house, where she slides off the bike, takes her instrument, and runs into the front door.

Seconds later, Homer arrives and parks outside.  Before he steps out, Bart flies over, lands on the car, and continues skating.

Homer steps out and shrieks in horror as Marge's car heads towards him.  He runs into the garage and through a door into the house.

CUT TO:
 
The whole family rushes onto the couch, but they can't fit so Homer is tossed up and he lands on the floor

ON THEIR TV:

Created by Matt Groening

Developed by James L. Brooks, Matt Groening, Sam Simon

FADE TO BLACK

FADE IN:

Bart walks in through the main door, eating a candy bar and carrying his skateboard.

BART: Froggie, I'm home!

He makes his way up the stairs and throws off his backpack and several other objects on the floor as he goes to his room.  His room is a complete mess.  A green frog sits inside a glass jar on a dresser.

BART: Hi, little fella.  Got some nice juicy flies for you.

Bart drops a single fly into the can and the frog eats it.

CUT TO:

Homer looks over the great mess in the hallway.

HOMER: Geez, Louise.  Look at this mess.  I told that boy a billion times to pick up his jun---.

Homer accidentally steps on Bart's skateboard and he's sent flipping and rolling down the stairs.  He screams the whole way down, cursing a bit as well.

KRUSTY DOLL: I like to play with you.  I like to play with you.

HOMER (gasps): My back.  There goes my back again.

KRUSTY DOLL: I like to play with you.  I like to play with you.  I like to play with you.  I like to play with you.

Santa's Little Helper, the family dog, walks in.  Homer grunts as he tries to get up.

HOMER: Go get help, Dog.

The dog instead starts licking Homer.

KRUSTY DOLL: I like to play with you.  I like to play with you.

DISSOLVE TO:

A much later time.  Homer is still on the floor in pain.  The dog sleeps on his stomach.  The battery of the doll is dying.

KRUSTY DOLL (dying out): I like to play with you.   I like to play with you.

Maggie crawls over Homer's head.

HOMER: Oh, Maggie.  My poor back.

Maggie takes out her pacifier and sticks it into Homer's mouth.

KRUSTY DOLL: I like to play with you.  I like to play with you.

DISSOLVE TO:

Even later.  Maggie now sleeps on the floor near Homer's head.  The doll is still alive.

KRUSTY DOLL: I like to play with you.  I like to p--.  I like to play---.

Marge and Lisa walk in and gasp.

LISA: Dad!

MARGE: Homer, what happened?

HOMER: Oh, the boy.  Bring me the boy.

CUT TO:

Marge stomps into Bart's room and yells at him.

MARGE: Bart, if you had cleaned up your room when I asked you to, your father's trick back would still be aligned.  So you'll pick up this mess right now!

She leaves and slams the door.  Bart begins throwing objects into his closet, muttering under his breath.

BART: Clumsy Homer.  Everything's always my fault.  If he'd just watch where he was going.

He discovers a pink box under his bed and shakes it.

BART: Hello, what have we here?

He opens it and gasps.

BART: A cherry bomb!  I thought I blew all you guys up.

CUT TO:

The playground on Bart's school.  Kids play marbles, ride around on swings, and jumprope.

PRINCIPAL SKINNER walks around enforcing the rules.

SKINNER: People, people, no rough-housing on the monkey bars.  You there, tuck in your shirt.  Watch it, I saw what.

Skinner's mother, Agnes, walks behind him.

AGNES: You certainly have done awfully well for yourself, Spanky.

SKINNER (quietly): Mother, please don't call me Spanky on school grounds.

Nearby, Bart holds the cherry bomb in front of Milhouse and several other friends.

MILHOUSE: Wow!  A cherry bomb!

LEWIS: What are you gonna do with it, Bart?

MILHOUSE: Watch out, Bart.  It's Skinner!

BART: Uh-oh.

Bart hides the cherry bomb and the boys form a line.

ALL: Good morning, Mr. Skinner!

SKINNER: Morning, boys.

AGNES: Why haven't you introduced me to your students, Spanky?

The kids laugh at Skinner until he gives them a mean look.

AGNES: Well?

SKINNER: Mother, I would like you to meet...Milhouse, Lewis, Richard, and Bart Simpson.

AGNES:  This is the Bart Simpson you're always talking about?

SKINNER: Mm-hmm.

AGNES: But he looks so sweet.

BART: I am, ma'am.

SKINNER: Simpson!  Let's move on now, Mother, shall we?

He leads her away.

BART: Bye, Spanky.

They all snicker and once again stop when Skinner looks back.

FADE TO BLACK

FADE IN

The boys stand in the bathroom.

MILHOUSE: So, you're gonna flush it?

BART: What can I say?  I've got a weakness for the classics.

He flicks open a lighter.

CUT TO:

Outside, Skinner and Agnes walk in the hallway.

AGNES: I think I need to make a stop at the little girls' room.

SKINNER: Okay, Mother.  This way.

He opens a door for her and she goes in.

CUT TO:

Bart drops the flaming bomb into a toilet and flushes it.

BART: Ha ha, so long, sucker!

He stands back and an explosion is heard on the other side.  Water begins coming out of the toilets like a geyser.

CUT TO:

In the hallway, Skinner hears the screaming of his mother.

CUT TO:

Inside, the woman's bathroom, Agnes is carried up by the stream as it washes out of the stall.  Bart and his friend's laughter can be heard.

CUT TO:

The kids run out into the hallway, where a stern Skinner stands in front of them.

SKINNER: Now hold it right there, you little---

AGNES: Spanky...?

SKINNER: Mother?

He walks off.

CUT TO:

An outside shot of the Simpsons house.  Inside, Homer lies lazily on the couch, taking all advantage of his situation.

HOMER: Oh, Marge, I still hurt.

He rings a bell annoyingly.

HOMER: Oh, Marge.  Marge!!

MARGE: Oh, Homer.  How many times do I have to fluff your pillow?

HOMER: Actually, I was wondering if you could make me a grilled cheese sandwich.

MARGE: Well, okay.

HOMER: Make sure it's squished flat and crunchy on the outside.

MARGE: I know how you like 'em, Homer.

HOMER: And maybe some of those little wieners that come in a can?  Oh, and some fruit cocktail in heavy syrup.

 Marge groans as she walks away.  The doorbell rings repeatedly.

HOMER: Marge.  Marge. Marge, get the door!

Marge looks through the peephole to see the distorted and disappointed face of Principal Skinner.

MARGE: Principal Skinner!

She opens the door.

SKINNER: Hello, Mrs. Simpson.  I'm afraid there's been a very disturbing incident at school today.

He lets go of Bart.

BART: I'm outta here.

Bart runs up the stairs and to his room.

MARGE: Homer, Principal Skinner is here.

HOMER: Oh, hello, Principal Skinner.  I'd get up, but the boy crippled me.

SKINNER: Mm-hmm.  I understand completely.  The disturbing incident I was referring to happened this morning when your son flushed an explosive device down the boy's lavatory.

HOMER (laughing): Heh-heh, that ol' gag.

SKINNER: Unfortunately, at the same moment, my mother was in the girls' lavatory making use of the facilities.

MARGE: Oh, dear.

SKINNER: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, we have transcended incorrigible.  I don't think suspension or expulsion will do the trick.  I think it behooves us all to consider...deportation.

MARGE: Deportation?!  You mean kick Bart out of the country?

HOMER: Eh, hear him out, Marge.

SKINNER: Well, perhaps I was being a tad glib.  Let me explain.  Our elementary school participates in a foreign exchange program.  Normally, a student is selected on the basis of academic excellence or intelligence, but in Bart's case, I'm prepared to make a big exception.  And if you're willing to play along, he can spend the next three months studying far, far away.

HOMER: Sounds great.  Although, a kid can't learn much in just three months.

MARGE: Homer, you didn't even ask where Bart would be going!

SKINNER: Actually, he'd be staying in France, in a lovely chateau in the heart of the wine country.

MARGE: But Bart doesn't speak French.

SKINNER: Oh, when he's totally immersed in a foreign language, the average child can become fluent in weeks.

HOMER: Yeah, but what about Bart?

SKINNER: I'm sure he'll pick up enough to get by.  And, uh, the whole thing won't cost you a dime, as long as you're willing to take in a student of your own.

HOMER: Wait a minute, Skinner.  How do we know some principal over in France isn't pulling the same scam as you are?

SKINNER: For one thing, you wouldn't be getting a French boy.  You would be getting an Albanian.

HOMER: You mean all white with pink eyes?

SKINNER: No.  No, no, no.  A student from Albania.  It's a country on the Adriatic Sea.

MARGE: Well, going to France sounds like a fantastic opportunity but I think Bart should have a say in this.

CUT TO:

Bart in his room, staring at his frog in the jar.

BART (sighing): The life of a frog.  That's the life for me.

Marge walks in.

MARGE: Bart, how would you like to spend the next three months living in France?

BART: France?  Wow!

CUT TO:

Skinner and Homer talk.

HOMER: He makes me crazy 12 months a year.  At least you get the summer off.

SKINNER: Mhm-hmm.

CUT TO:

Bart and Marge discuss as they make their way down the stairs.

BART: And I get to take a plane there, wouldn't I, Mom?

MARGE: Yes, Bart.

BART: Wow!  And one back?

SKINNER: Mm-hmm.

They walk into the living room.

MARGE: Well, Bart seems very enthusiastic about the idea.

Homer and Skinner bounce off and give each other high-fives.

HOMER + SKINNER: Yes!  Whoo, baby!  Way to go!  Bon voyage, boy!

FADE TO BLACK

FADE IN:

An airplane sits on a runway.  Near it, the Simpsons clan say their goodbyes.  Marge kisses Bart.

MARGE: Goodbye, my special, my special little guy.  You will write us, won't you?

BART: All the time.

LISA: What do you know about France?

BART: I know I'm going and you're not.

HOMER: I'm gonna miss you, son.  And listen, while you're seeing all those great sights, always remember that you're representing your country.  I guess what I'm saying is...don't mess up France the way you messed up your room.

They shake their hands.

HOMER: Okay, Dad.

A flight attendant walks over to them.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Is one of you going to be on the charter flight?

BART: Yes, sir.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Mm-hmm.  Come along.

He yanks Bart away.

SIMPSON FAMILY: Goodbye, Bart.  Bye.  Be good.  We'll miss you.

They wave as Bart is thrown into the plane.

He sits in the middle of several passengers.

DISSOLVE TO:

A new airfield.  A subhead says: "Tirana, Albania".

A family kisses their son goodbye (the foreign exchange student).  His mother and father do the same things as Marge and Homer did, just in Albanian.

The boy walks off to the plane.  He salutes a nearby guard and is saluted back.  He walks onboard.

The plane flies off as Bart's place crosses it.

DISSOLVE TO:

Paris, France.  Bart's plane flies past the Eiffel Tower.

CUT TO:

Bart, making his way between several passengers who bump into him.

BART: Hey, man, watch it.  Ooh!  Oh!  Ow!

Bart sees a skinny man who holds a sign for him.  He walks over.

BART: Oh, hey man.  It's me, Bart Simpson.

FRENCHMAN: Okay, kid.  Let's go.

He points to an old-fashioned two seat motorcycle.

BART: Hey!

CUT TO:

Bart and the Frenchman ride across the countryside as Bart sings.

BART:

Every little breeze seems to whisper Louise

Birds in the trees seem to (whistle) Louise.

>La la la la la la la la la...

They ride across a bridge, some fields, and past several people.

BART: How much longer, sir?  This is where we're going, right?

He reads off a wine bottle.

BART: Chateau Mah-son.

The picture shows an elegant mansion.

DISSOLVE TO:

The real Chateau Maison.  A broken down little cottage.  Only the sign remains the same.  Another Frenchman talks to his mule in French.  Subtitles are shown.

FRENCHMAN 2: Ah, Maurice.  Once the American boy arrives, your days of back-breaking labor will be over.

Bart and his buddy arrive.

BART: Eww.  What a dump.

He stares sadly.

DISSOLVE TO:

A plane flies over another airport.  Homer, Marge, Lisa, and Maggie stand on a platform.

LISA: You know, in Albania, the unit of currency is called the lek...

HOMER: (laughing)  You gotta be kiddin'.  The lek.

Lisa continues reading from her book.

LISA: And the national flag is a two-headed eagle on a red field.

HOMER: Give me the old stars and stripes.

LISA: And the main export is furious political thought.

HOMER: Political what?

ANNOUNCER: Trans. Albanian Airlines, flight number two, Tirana to Springfield, is now arriving.

The plane stops in front of them.

CUT TO:

Bart stands in front of the two men.  As we soon come to know, their names are Cesar and Ugolin.  Ugolin is skinny and Cesar is fat and wears a French cap.

UGOLIN: Welcome to your new home.

CESAR: Escape is impossible.  My name is Cesar.  This is my nephew, Ugolin.  You may find life here at the chateau hard, but if you shut up and do exactly what we say, the time will pass more quickly.

UGOLIN: He's right, you know.

BART: Well, okay, sir.

CUT TO:

The airplane door opens and the Albanian boy walks off to meet the Simpsons. 

MARGE: Adil?

ADIL: Mother?

MARGE: Well, I guess for the next few months, yes, I will be your mother.

ADIL: And this must be Lisa and Maggie.

He shakes their hands.

ADIL: And you must be my new father, Homer.

He hugs Homer and kisses him twice on the cheeks.

HOMER: Affectionate little Albanian, isn't he?

CUT TO:

Cesar opens Bart's suitcase and takes out a camera and another object.

UGOLIN (in French): Cesar, look!  We are rich.

They inspect a pair of underwear and a Krusty the Clown T-Shirt.

CESAR (in French): These won't fit us, but we can sell them.

UGOLIN: And a red hat for you, Maurice.

He places Bart's cap on the mule's head.

BART: Hey, come on, guys.  Quit being so grabby?

They both growl in anger.

BART: Sorry, man.  Be my guest.

DISSOLVE TO:

An outside shot of Springfield Elementary School.  Inside, Skinner makes a presentation on Adil.  All the students gather in their seats.

SKINNER: You may find his accent peculiar.  Certain aspects of his culture may seem absurd, perhaps even offensive.  But I urge you all to give little Adil the benefit of the doubt.  In this way, and only in this way, can we hope to better understand our backward neighbors throughout the world.

The students clap as Adil stands up on the podium.

ADIL: Thank you, Principal Skinner.  Thank you, fellow students.  Although I have only been in your country a few days, I have already found Americans to be most...trusting.  Although, officially, I am required to hate you, I want you to know I do not feel it in my heart.

The students clap.

DISSOLVE TO:

Ugolin walks along a wheat field, whistling a tune.  Cesar and the mule follow close behind.

CESAR: Hurry up, boy.  My grapes are waiting for their water.

Bart tiredly carries several pails of water on a stick behind them.

DISSOLVE TO:

An outside shot of the Simpsons house in the evening.  Lisa and Adil talk at the dinner table.

ADIL: How can you defend a country where 5% of the people control 95% of the wealth?

LISA: I'm defending a country where people can think, act, and worship any way they want. 

ADIL: Can not.

LISA: Can too.

ADIL: Can not.

LISA: Can too.

HOMER: Please, please, kids.  Stop fighting.  Maybe Lisa's right about America being a land of opportunity, and maybe Adil has a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.

ADIL: Your father is right.  We should not fight.  Friends?

LISA: Well, okay.

MARGE: Well, now that that's settled, I'll just clear the dishes. 

ADIL: No, no, Mrs. Simpson.  You have been oppressed enough for today.  I will clear the dishes.

MARGE: Oh.  Okay.

Adil walks off into the kitchen.

HOMER: DId you see that?  You know, Marge, this is the way I've always wanted it to be.  We've become a fully functioning family unit.  We've always blamed ourselves but I guess it's pretty clear which cylinder wasn't firing.

MARGE: Homer!

LISA: Your paper-thin commitment to your children sends shivers down my spine!  May I be excused?

She storms off.

MARGE: Lisa!

HOMER: Oh, she's just jealous.  She'll get over it.  And if she doesn't, we can always exchange her.

He laughs as Marge looks angrily at him.

MARGE: Homer!

HOMER: Just kidding.

DISSOLVE TO;

Bart and his French buddies eat under a low light.

UGOLIN (in French): Mmm.  Good sausage.

CESAR (in French): Yes.  Pass me the wine.

BART: Can I have something to go with my turnip?

CESAR: Quiet!  When you work like a man, we will feed you like one.

UGOLIN: Now go to sleep!

He points to a stack of hay.

Bart walks over, but before he can, the mule plops down on it.

BART: Hey, hey, come on.  Move it pal.

CESAR: You leave Maurice alone.  The floor is good enough for you.  You go to sleep there.

He points and Bart trudges over to a dark corner as they eat and joke.  He lies down.

DISSOLVE TO:

An outside shot of the Simpsons house.  In Bart's room, Homer tucks Adil in.

HOMER: Nice and cozy, Adil?

ADIL: Yes.  Thank you, Father.

HOMER: Look, Adil, you can call me Dad.

ADIL: All right, Dad.

HOMER: Aw!  You called me Dad.

ADIL: Dad, do you think I could come visit you at the nuclear power plant?

HOMER: You wanna see where I work?

ADIL: Oh, yes, very much.

Homer has tears in his eyes.

HOMER: None of my biological kids ever wanted to see me at work.

ADIL: Then I can go?

HOMER: Well, I'll have to pull a few strings with the boys in security, but sure you bet.

The boy smiles evilly.

ADIL: Excellent.

CUT TO:

Cesar holds a bundle of grapes in front of Bart.

CESAR: Now watch me.  You grab the grape between your thumb and forefinger and gently twist it off and drop it in the bucket.  Now you do it.

Bart plucks one off and drops it.

CESAR: Very good.  Now do it a million times.

It is revealed that they're in the middle of a gigantic field.

CUT TO:

An outside shot of the Springfield Power Plant.  Inside, Homer shows Adil a box of donuts.

HOMER: See these?  American donuts.  Glazed, powdered, and raspberry filled.  Now how's that for freedom of choice?

ADIL: Dad, do you think I might see your plutonium isolation module?

HOMER: Dee....uh...maybe.  Hold on a second.

Homer walks over to his buddy Lenny.

HOMER: Hey, Lenny.

LENNY: Hmm?

HOMER: Does this place have one of those plutonium isolation deals?

LENNY: Yeah, over in sector 12.

HOMER: Sector 12?

LENNY: Third floor, by the candy machines.

HOMER: Oh, that sector 12.  Come along, Adil.

CUT TO:

Bart picks off the remaining grapes off their vines.  The bucket is close to full.  He takes the last one, looks around, and puts in his mouth.  Udolin slaps him on the back and the grape flies out.

UDOLIN: Ungrateful swine!  We give you food, we give you shelter, and this is how you repay us!

CUT TO:

Homer and Adil walk among the nuclear materials and machines, both dressed in safety suits.  Adil takes pictures with his camera.

HOMER (laughing): Heh, heh, heh, you little shutterbug.

They walk into a restricted area where Adil prepares to take a picture of the plutonium.  Homer suddenly pops into view.

HOMER: Cheese!

Homer blocks every shot Adil takes, preventing him from getting anything.

HOMER: Oh, wait a minute.

Homer takes off his mask and Adil tries again to take a picture.

CUT TO:

Bart stands in a large wooden bowl, stomping the grapes with his feet.  Cesar and Ugolin lie in the shade with Maurice the mule.

BART: Stupid grapes.  Bunch of creeps!  I hate France!

Bart continues stomping as we...

DISSOLVE TO:

An outside shot of the Simpsons house during evening.  Inside, Homer and Marge lie in bed.  A picture of Adil has been hung on the wall.

MARGE: You sure have taken a shine to little Adil.

HOMER: Well, he sure makes life a lot easier around here.  You have to admit that.

MARGE: Well, okay, I will...if you admit you love Bart.

HOMER: Okay, okay, I love Bart.  Well?

MARGE: What?

HOMER: Well?

MARGE: Oh, Adil's a very sweet boy.

HOMER:  Darn tootin'.

DISSOLVE TO:

Bart's room, where a wire hangs out the window.  It leads to the tree house, where Adil listens and transmits Morse code while looking at the photographs.  He inserts a photograph and speaks into a microphone.

ADIL (in Albanian): Sparrow to Nest.  Sparrow to Nest.  Stand by for transmission.

A satellite receives the message and redirects it...it arrives to a receiver in a military base.  The picture prints and a MILITARY COMMANDER picks it up.  A GENERAL stands behind him.

GENERAL (in Albanian): I told you the Sparrow would not fail.

He laughs.  The picture reveals a smiling Homer in front of the plutonium.

FADE TO BLACK

FADE IN:

Bart sits in a small stack of hay with a candle lit by his side.  He reads Marge's letter.  Marge's voice can be heard, reading it as she writes.

MARGE: Dear Bart, how is France?  I don't know why you haven't written.  I guess you're just having too much fun.

BART (coughing): Oh, yeah, right.

CESAR (off screen): Silence!

MARGE: Everyone here in the United States is fine.  We think Maggie may say her first word any day now.  Lisa got an A in math, which I'm only mentioning as news.  I'm not putting you down.  And your father, well last night, he went to sleep talking about how much he loves you.

Bart sniffles and a tear falls from his eye.

BART: Oh.

MARGE: Remember to dress warm and try to be as helpful as you can to your adopted parents.

BART + MARGE: All my love, Mom.

Bart blows out his candle.

When it comes back on, Cesar and Ugolin are in the cellar.  Both hold wine bottles.

CESAR (in French): This will be our finest wine ever.

UGOLIN (in French): But it's only been fermenting for three days.

CESAR: Whenever my faith in God is shaken, I think of the miracle of anti-freeze.  Too much can be poison, but the right amount gives wine the right kick.

He pours it into the wine bottle and shakes it.

UGOLIN: You put in too much.  It may kill someone.

CESAR: Kill someone?  Don't be ridiculous.

Bart sneezes behind them.  They look to see Bart outside the house.  It is raining heavily.

CESAR (in English): What are you doing?  Get out of here!

BART: Sorry.

CESAR: On second thought, Bart.  Bart, come here. (to Ugolin in French).  Watch.  I bet it won't even blind him.

Bart walks in and Cesar offers him a cup of the wine.

CESAR: Drink this.

BART: Uh, no, thanks.

CESAR: Do not worry.  This is France.  It is customary for children to take a little wine now and then.

BART: Yeah, but it's got antifreeze in there.

CESAR: Drink it.

BART: Oh.

Bart drinks it.  Cesar moves his finger across and Bart's eyes follow it.

CESAR (in French): He sees well enough.  Now go buy a case of anti-freeze.

UGOLIN (in French): But it is raining outside.  Let's make the wine tomorrow.

CESAR: We have already waited three days.

UGOLIN: Then send the boy.

They chuckle and Cesar looks menacingly at Bart.

CESAR (in English): Oh, Bart.

DISSOLVE TO:

Bart rides on a bicycle.  It is still raining and he doesn't have any shoes on and is dressed in a shirt and ripped shorts.  A truck passes and splashes him.

DISSOLVE TO;

Bart stands on a sidewalk, looking at a note.  He looks at it, it says "14 Rue Voltaire".  It is smudged by the rain.  Bart walks along the street, shivering and freezing.

A man dressed in a blue suit with an umbrella walks around the corner.

BART: You're a policeman, aren't you?

MAN: Excusez-moi.  Je ne parle pas Anglais.

BART: But you gotta help me.  These two guys I'm staying with, they work me day and night.  They don't feed me.  They make me sleep on the---

The man takes out a role of candy.

BART (coughing): I --- I don't want a piece of candy.  I need your---.

He reluctantly swallows what the man gives him.

BART: Come on, Mister, can you help me?

The man speaks more French and Bart walks away.

BART: Oh, forget it.  I'm so stupid.  Anybody could have learned this dumb language by now.  Here I've listened to nothing but French for the past (in French) two months and I haven't learned a word.  Wait!  I'm talking French now.  Incredible.  Hey, mister.  You gotta help me.  These two guys work me night and day.  They don't feed me, they make me sleep on the floor.  They put anti-freeze in the wine and they gave my red hat to the donkey.

The man gasps.

MAN (in French): Anti-freeze in the wine?  That is a very serious crime.  Come along, boy.  There is nothing for you to fear now.

BART (in French): My savior.  You will always have a place in my heart.

DISSOLVE TO:

Homer walks in the front door of the house.

HOMER: Honey, I'm home.

Marge kisses him.

MARGE: Hello, Homer.  What's that.

Homer unrolls a sheet.

HOMER: Oh, just some blueprints Adil wanted.  I'm telling you, he's such a curious little dickens.  I bet he could build a nuclear power plant if he wanted to.  Heh he heh.

A man on a bullhorn is heard outside.

BULLHORN: All right, Sparrow.  We know you're in there.  We'll give you one minute to surrender.

MARGE: Oh, my!

Homer peeks through the curtain.  Police cars, officers, and SWAT trucks have assembled on the street.

HOMER: Ooh, trouble in the neighborhood.  Let's check it out.

Homer walks out to the AGENT.

HOMER: I'm his neighbor, what'd he do?

AGENT: Well, sir, we---we've been on the trail of a spy transmitting highly confidential information to an unfriendly nation.

HOMER: Ooh!

AGENT: Mm-hmm.  Through the use of radio triangulation, we tracked him to exactly this point.

HOMER: Wow.

AGENT: That's all I can tell you.

HOMER: Aw...

AGENT: All right.  Well, the name of his country starts with the letter "A".

HOMER: Hmm...Oooh!

AGENT ON BULLHORN: Time's up, Sparrow.  We're coming in after you.

A bunch of agents surround the Simpson house.

HOMER: Oh, gee whiz.  Adil would get a kick out of seeing this.

AGENT: Adil?

AGENT 2: The Sparrow!

In the treehouse, Adil fumbles with the microphone and it tumbles out onto the roof.

HOMER: Adil!  Oh, there you are!

AGENT: Get him!!

The agents topple Homer as they rush to the treehouse.

DISSOLVE TO;

Bart's savior giving a speech to several reporters with cameras.

Cesar and Ugolin are led out of the chateau.

POLICEMAN: From now on you will be doing all your winemaking in prison.

The reporters begin taking pictures of them.

CESAR (in French): And all because we participated in a student exchange program.

BART: Au revoir, suckers!

A French version of the magazine Newsweek is shown, with Bart on the cover and the headline "Vive le bart!!".

DISSOLVE TO:

A policeman presenting Bart with a medal.  He is kissed by a woman (presumably a queen or similar).

DISSOLVE TO:

The agent holding Adil in front of a plane.  The Simpsons stand nearby.

HOMER: So he's going to prison?

AGENT: Uh...no.  We've arranged an exchange for one of our own men caught in Albania.

Another child is led off the plane.

CHILD: So, Sparrow, we meet again.

ADIL: Yes, sometimes I think I am getting too old for this game.

AGENT: Okay, kids, let's hurry it up.

ADIL: Goodbye, Simpsons.  Thank you for your hospitality.  I hope this experience will not sour you on the student exchange program.

Adil is lead onto the plane.

MARGE: Goodbye Adil.

LISA: Have a nice trip.

HOMER (sadly): Goodbye, Adil.  I'll send you those civil defense plans you wanted.

CUT TO:

An airplane rolls out on the runway.

FRENCH ANNOUNCER: Air France, flight diz neuf cent quatre-ving huit, Paris to Springfield is now arriving.

Bart walks out of the open door holding all sorts of souvenirs.

LISA: Look, Mom.  There he is!

MARGE: Oh, Bart, my baby boy.  Welcome home.

They hug.

BART: Hey, where's the big guy?

HOMER: He means me.  Hey, boy.

BART: Hey, Homer.

LISA: He brought us gifts.  His first unselfish act.

CUT TO:

Bart and the family in the kitchen, discussing.

BART: So, basically, I met one nice French person.

LISA: Bart, I have something to say that's gonna bother me if I don't say it.  It's good to see you.

BART: Same here.

MARGE: I'd love a glass of that wine Bart brought us.

Homer tries to open the bottle.

HOMER: Sorry, Marge.  Some wiseguy stuck a cork in the bottle.

BART (in French): My father.  What a buffoon.

HOMER: You hear that, Marge?  My boy speaks French!

Homer bites off the cork and spits it out as CREDITS APPEAR and we FADE OUT.

CREDITS GO.

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Transcribed by MOVIEFREAK for http://www.twiztv.com
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