Punky Brewster

Episode 3.17 - Punky’s Porker
Original Airdate: 25-Nov-1987

Transcribed by PunkyB_Fan for TWIZ TV.com
I do not own any of the characters in this story.



Punky is sat in henrys studio looking at a photo, Henry appears from the storeroom with a huge cardboard with a lady in a bikini on it with a hole to stick your head through, and he places it on the stage.

Punky: These are great pictures Henry.

Henry has his head through the cardboard lady cutout.

Henry: Thank You.

Punky: What are they for?

Henry: A little job I’m doing for the police department.

Punky: Ohh this guys is definitely the criminal type… who is he?

Henry: The chief of Police, I’m shooting pictures for the policeman’s Ball.

Punky swivels round on the chair and sees a pig in a pen with a sign saying ‘Jimmy Johns Pork Products’ outside henrys studio, she takes a closer look

Punky: Hi There.

[Pig snorts]

Punky: I guess that means Hi in Pig language.

[She sits on one of the hay bails around the pen] I’m Punky Brewster, What’s Your Name? [The Pig sticks its snout in the air] You don’t have a name... then I’m gonna have to name you, or else you’ll never get Mail.

[a man in dungarees with the name Jimmy Johns on the front pocket, Punky hops off the Hay Bail and Knights the Pig]

Punky: I hear by dub thee… Pinky the Pig [Pig snorts and Punky Touches her snout] Eww [pig snorts] you like that name huh? [Pig snorts] looks like we’re gonna be Pen Pals.

Jimmy John: don’t count on the Hog honey.

Punky: her name’s Pinky.

[She walks over to Jimmy John on the hay bails]

Jimmy John: her name is Pork Chops [he lifts Punky off the bails] Now run along little girl.

Punky: But…

Jimmy John: Don’t you have some shoplifting you need to do?

Punky gives him a strange look and walks over to pinky.

Punky: I’ll be right over here Pinky

Jimmy John is gives a demonstration

Jimmy John: Howdy a folk, my name is Jimmy John

[He lifts his hat to the crowd]

And I’m here to talk pork. Now since my company is brand spanking new I’d like you to help me with a little survey. Now let me see the hands of everybody here

[Raises his own hand... while the crowd raise theirs]

That had Ham, Bacon or Sausage for breakfast? Ok now how many of you was sure that pig was fit to eat?

[The crowd quickly lowers their hands]

Well Jimmy Johns Pork Products are guaranteed to be the freshest, tenderness, tastiest you’ve ever wrapped your lips around. That’s why our motto is ‘whatever goes down… stays down’.

[Punky looks around confused]

Jimmy John: Now folks take a look inside the pen here, what do you see? No Ma’am that’s not Shelley Winters. That’s a Jimmy Johns prize porker, right now this is just 400 pounds of humungous hog. But in a few days it’ll be Ham, Bacon, spare ribs and pork chops… are there any questions?

Punky: Sir! Are you really gonna kill that poor pig?

Jimmy John: Since there are no questions, let me owe it to you good people to step up and sample our succulent sausage.

[Henrys holding a fake rock on the stage in his studio when Punky rushes in]

Punky: Henry! Their gonna kill Pinky!!

[He drops the fake rock down on the stage]

Henry: Who?

Punky: That sweet adorable Pig out there.

[Henry looks at the Pig]

Henry: Good grief, that animal would keep us in breakfast till you get out of Collage.

Punky: You don’t care if she gets killed?

Henry: We could go to the Funeral.

Punky: Henry! Shes gonna be butchered [she slumps down into a huge swivel chair]

Henry: Punky, that’s what happens to Pigs.

Punky: But Pinky’s special, I had a nice conversation with her. You’d like her if you got to know her also.

Henry: I make it a point never to get emotionally involved, especially with a Pig.

[He swings Punky around in the swivel chair, then immediately stands up]

Punky: Don’t give up hope Pinky, I’ll save you.

[Punky’s Room; Margaux, Cherie and Punky enter with Brandon behind them]

Punky: Ok open your School books so it looks like were studying.

[The all open their books and place them on Punky’s Bedroom floor, Cherie sits on Brandon’s doghouse while Margaux sits on Punky’s bed]

Punky: Brandon you wait in the hall and whistle if anyone comes… [Brandon leaves and Punky looks over at her friends] Did you bring your black clothes?

Cherie: Yeah.

Margaux: What are they for?

Punky: We’ve gotta help a Pig.

Margaux: Are you talking about Emma Blottski?

Punky: No, I’m talking about a real Pig.

Cherie: Sharon Frusco.

Punky: No an actual oink oink!

Cherie and Margaux: [In unison] Tammy Tishman!

Punky: Pay attention, it’s a 400 pound animal with 4 legs and a curly tail.

Margaux: But that’s a Pig.

Punky: That what I’ve been trying to tell you, theres a Pig in the Mall and we have to help it.

Cherie: Why? [Puzzled look]

Punky: Cause if we don’t, it’ll be killed, put in packages and sent to stores all over the city.

Cherie: Yeah [unconcerned]

Punky: Cherie I know this Pig, her names Pinky. Shes real smart.

Margaux: I hate Pigs! Their ugly, filthy and have no waistline.

[Cherie nods]

Punky: So here’s the plan, we wear our dark clothes, sneak into the Mall and rescue the Pig… Cherie are you with me? [She begs at Cherie]

Cherie: I guess so, you are my best friend.

Punky: Margaux?

Margaux: We’re not that close.

Punky: Margaux, how would you like Richie Von Trump to find out that you’re not really related to the Kennedy’s?

Margaux: That’s blackmail!

Punky: Remember, We’re not that close.

Margaux: Count me in.

[Punky Squeals]

[Brandon whistles from the hallway, they all scramble to their School books as Mrs. Johnson enters Punky’s Room]

Mrs. Johnson: Well when did Brandon learn to whistle like that?

Punky: Since that French poodle moved in down the street.

Mrs. Johnson: What are you Girls studying?

Margaux: History!

Cherie: Math!

Mrs. Johnson: What?

Punky: Err… the History of Math… Yeah.

Mrs. Johnson: They didn’t teach that in my day, look I’m not busy if you need any help?

Punky: No thanks, we’ll never learn if we don’t do it ourselves.

Mrs. Johnson: Your right… maybe I’ll just hang around and watch.

Cherie: Err Grandma please we’re trying to work here. [She nods at Punky and Margaux]

Mrs. Johnson: No your not, I’m onto you scamps.

Punky: [Surprised] you are?

Mrs. Johnson: You’re not studying.

Cherie: [Surprised] we’re not?

Mrs. Johnson: No [She walks over to Cherie and puts her School book the right way up]

Punky and Margaux: [in unison] Cherie!

Mrs. Johnson: I know exactly what you’re talking about.

Margaux: [Surprised] you do?

Mrs. Johnson: Yes… Boys!

[They all throw down their School books onto the floor]

Punky: She caught us.

Margaux: Red handed.

Mrs. Johnson: Well you Girls want some advice?

All 3 girls in unison: No thanks.

Mrs. Johnson: Wanna give me some?

All 3 girls in unison: No thanks.

Mrs. Johnson: You want me outta here?

All 3 girls in unison: Yes please.

[Mrs. Johnson laughs and leaves the room; The Girls grab their bags and leave out of Punky’s Bedroom window]

[The Mall; Patrons start to leave and Pinky is still in her Pen. A voice comes onto the tannoy]

Voice: The Midtown Mall is now closed, Goodnight and thank you for your patronage.

[A security guard passes Pinky in her pen and the Mall lights go dim. From the Ladies room Punky sneaks dressed all in black, so does Cherie and Margaux comes out in a black dress with a black hat]

Margaux: I feel silly.

Punky: It might have something to do with the way your dressed.

Margaux: well you said bring something black, I didn’t know I had a date with a Pig.

Punky: The coast is clear. Psst Psst

[They make their way over to Pinky’s Pen and hide behind the Hay bails. Heads pop up one by one first Punky then Margaux then Cherie]

Punky: That’s Pinky, isnt she cute?

Cherie: Punky… you could use some rest.

Punky: Well I think shes cute.

[They all stand up]

Punky: How we gonna get her outta here?

Cherie: Can’t she jump the fence?

Margaux: Get real! She’ll end up down in the parking garage.

[They all walk round to Pinky’s gate on her pen, Punky notices the padlock]

Punky: uh oh, the gate is locked.

Margaux: Stand aside, I’ll pick the lock. [She takes a hairclip out of her hair and kneels down by the padlock]

Punky: You know how to do that?

Margaux: Well occasionally I like to read my mothers diary. [She picks the lock and opens Pinky’s gate] … voila!

Punky: Margaux, remember when I said you were stuck up, obnoxious and useless?

Margaux: Yes.

Punky: I take back useless. [She walks into Pinky’s Pen] Hi Pinky… we’re here to rescue you.

Margaux: Not by choice.

Punky: This is Cherie

Cherie: Hi Pinky… look at the size of that nose!

Punky: Yeah she’s even snootier than Margaux.

[Margaux gives Punky a shrugged look, Punky notices a flashlight shining around]

Punky: Quick someone’s coming… hide!

Cherie and Punky jump over the hay bails to hide behind, Margaux sits on the top to get over them in case she rips her dress but inches on them because their rough]

Margaux: Eww, Eww [The security guard appears but doesn’t see the girls]

[Punky yanks her over the bail]

Punky: Come on!

[The security guard walks over to Pinky’s Pen]

Security Guard: twenty years of drinks and I end up guarding a Pig. [Talks on his radio] Yo Dwayne! The swing is fine… where are you?

Dwayne on the radio: im over at video kingdom… wanna watch Biker Girls from Mars?

Security Guard: Sure! I’ll tell you what I’ll stop off at popcorn kingdom on the way. [He puts his radio back on his belt and leaves]

[3 heads pop up from behind the hay bails, with their hats all covered in hay. First Punky then Margaux and Cherie last… she shakes the hay off her head]

Punky: That was a close call. [The 2 Girls nod]

Margaux: Look at me! This dress is ruined!

[All 3 girls hop over the bails back into Pinky’s Pen]

Punky: Look at the bright side; it’s a perfect dress if you ever get invited to a formal hay ride.

[Punky grabs Pinky’s rope tied around her neck]

Punky: Ok pinky were bustin’ outta here, we’re going over the wall!

Cherie: Or around it.

[Margaux opens the gate]

[Pinky doesn’t move when Punky tugs on her rope to get her out]

Cherie: She won’t budge… I guess shes being pig headed [She laughs while Punky and Margaux don’t find it funny] Sorry… now what?

Punky: Don’t worry I came prepared. [She hands the rope to Margaux and pulls out a corn cob and tempts Pinky out of her pen] Come on; come on pretty girl… yeah.

[Pinky moves out of the gate and knows shes free]

Margaux: Wait! Wait! [Pinky runs out of the Mall dragging Margaux behind her, Punky and Cherie look at each other and then run after them both]

[Punky’s Kitchen… Henry and Mrs. Johnson are sat at the table drinking tea]

Mrs. Johnson: I caught them talking about boys.

Henry: Ah they grow up fast, one day I’ll turn around and Punky will be in a formal gown. A handsome man in a sharp tuxedo.

Mrs. Johnson: And purple hair.

Henry: He will pick her up and whisk her off to the senior prom and after they’ve danced till 8:30 he’ll have her home by 9!

Mrs. Johnson: You’re dreaming.

Henry: I know, that’s why tomorrow she goes into the convent.

[Outside Punky’s Appartment in the hallway. The 3 Girls and Pinky sneak in and stop halfway]

Punky: Thanks for your help Margaux, Cherie and I will take it from here.

Margaux: You certainly will, im going home to rotor rear my sinuses. [She leaves]

[Punky and Cherie sneak up to Punky’s Appartment door and quietly enter with Pinky]

Punky: Brandon, this is Pinky shes going to be staying here for a while.

[Brandon shakes his paw at Pinky, and then Pinky shakes her hoof at Brandon]

Punky: Great! I knew you guys would hit it off.

[Pinky Snorts]

>From the kitchen, Henry: Punky? Is that you?

Punky: Quick hide! [Her and Cherie rush to the kitchen door while Pinky tries to hide under the coffee table]

Punky: Yeah Henry it’s me, Cherie and I were just getting a drink of water.

>From the kitchen, Mrs. Johnson: You Girls want a snack?

Cherie: Err no thanks we’re pigged out.

[Both girls look at Pinky with the Coffee table stuck on her back]

Punky: We better get her outta here before I have a sunken living room. Come on.

[Punky takes Pinky by her rope and she and Cherie lead her into Punky’s room]

[Nighttime, Pinky’s sat behind Brandon’s doghouse. Punky’s asleep and Brandon’s awake. Henry quietly comes in]

Henry: Punky? Are you asleep?

[Pinky Snorts]

Henry: Quiet Brandon, you’ll wake up Punky… you sound as thought your getting a cold. [He sniffs the air] Tomorrow you’re getting a bath, this room smells like a pig sty. [He leaves]

[Next Morning, Pinky’s sat on the couch in the living room. Henry comes in and switches on the radio, he heads towards the door to pick up the newspaper outside of it. Pinky starts to get up as if she likes the opera music, Henry starts to read his paper and make his way to sit down on the couch. Pinky’s sat back down and Henry sits on her back He notices her, she jumps and startles Henry.]

Henry: Oh Punky, would you come in here for a moment… [Looks at Pinky] Don’t go away I’ll be right with you… Punky! Now [Looks back at Pinky] would you like something to drink Coffee, Tea… slop!

[Punky’s Kitchen, Henry hurries her inside and slams his paper down on the table]

Henry: You stole that Pig didn’t you?

Punky: Would you believe she followed me home?

Henry: No I wouldn’t, Punky you committed a crime! You know it’s wrong to steal.

Punky: Steal is such an ugly word.

Henry: Not as ugly as that Pig

Punky: She’s not ugly, besides cant we think of her as more than a Pig.

Henry: like what? A senator!

Punky: No… a pet? [She smiles widely]

Henry: They don’t make little boxes that size, Pinky I mean Punky certain animals are raised to provide food for the table.

Punky: Not Pinky.

Henry: Does that mean we’re not going to eat Bacon anymore?

Punky: Not any Bacon I know personally.

Henry: You have to look at this in its proper perspective, how shall I put this… a Pig is a Pig.

Punky: But that Pig is my friend.

Henry: Sweetheart I know you mean well, but you can’t save all the Pigs in the world.

Punky: I realize that, I just wanna save Pinky. I can’t stand the thought of her being killed.

Henry: well honey, we have no choice here. We have to give Pinky back.

[Punky gets upset but she knows Henry is right]

[That afternoon; Punky’s Living Room, Jimmy John comes to collect his Pig]

Henry: So you understand, that the only reason my Daughter took your fine Pig is because she’d grown so fond of it. You know how Children are.

Jimmy John: I ought to call the police.

Henry: theres no reason to involve the Pigs. [He smiles]

Jimmy John: That’s pretty good; I’ll see you in court. Now for the last time hand over my hog!

Henry: get Pinky Punky.

[Punky walks over to the bathroom and calls out]

Punky: Brandon! Is Pinky done with her shower?

Jimmy John: the Pig took a shower??

Punky: Yeah she wouldn’t fit in the tub.

[Brandon comes out of the bathroom, Pinky follows behind in a Shower cap and holding a back brush in her mouth, Jimmy John takes the brush from her]

Jimmy John: Ahem… we’re outta here.

[Punky rushes to the front door to stop him]

Punky: Please Mr. Jimmy John don’t kill Pinky!

Jimmy John: call me Jimmy… and just watch me.

Punky: when you see Pinky you see a pork product. When I see Pinky I see a friend.

Jimmy John: [Looking at Henry] kid needs glasses.

Henry: That’s what you call epigmatism.

Jimmy John: Well we gotta get going, what times the next bus?

Punky: Please Mr. Jimmy John, I beg you. Please spare this Pig.

Jimmy John: Sorry kid but this piggy's going to the market [Only he laughs] its just business.

Punky: It may be business with other animals but with Pinky its murder.

Jimmy John: well fortunately ive got a good lawyer.

[Punky stands in front of the door refusing to move]

Punky: Henry! Do something!

Henry: Punky theres nothing I can do.

[She moves away from the door]

Henry: If he wants to pass up on the money making opportunity of a lifetime, that’s his business.

Jimmy John: Money making what?

Henry: This Pig is worth more to you alive than dead.

Jimmy John: How do you figure?

Henry: Pinky could be your spokes pig!

Jimmy John: Spokes pig?

Punky: Spokes pig??

Jimmy John: What in the name in all that fry’s is a spokes pig? 

Henry: Morris the Cat, Smokey the Bear, Charlie the Tuna!

Punky: Yeah! She could be Pinky the Porker!

Jimmy John: hey! That’s not bad, I could put the Pig in an outfit just like mine, hat little tie. Shoot you wouldn’t be able to tell us apart.

Punky: So you won’t turn her into Bacon.

Jimmy John: Not this little goldmine, no sir this is money in the bank. The piggy bank!

[They all laugh]

Punky: Thanks Mr. Jimmy John!

Jimmy John: Don’t thank me, thank your great grandfather. [He and Pinky leave, Punky shuts the door and gives Henry a hug]

Punky: Thanks Henry, you’re the smartest man that ever lived.

Henry When your right, your right.

[They sit on the couch]

Punky: Henry be honest, you started to like Pinky didn’t you?

Henry: Well…

Punky: Come on admit it.

Henry: Ok maybe I’ll miss her a little.

[Jimmy John comes back in with Pinky]

Jimmy John: Hey! Here’s a thought the kid already likes my Pig, how about if shes not working with me she stays here with you.

[He leaves pinky in Punky’s living room]

Punky: Yeah!!

[Henry can’t believe it, Punky hugs Pinky]

END OF SHOW