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TRANSCRIPT:
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Opening Scene: Vision of Ice Hockey Player Bobble head on car dashboard, The Wiggles ‘The monkey dance’ playing on stereo, family of three singing along pulling into car park, vision of scruffy guy walking along front of store.

Earl: (V.O.) Do you remember that guy who see going into the convenience store when you stop off at that little town on the way to grandmas house, [inside store, the guy is walking toward the register, smokes on bench with a beer.]  sort of shifty looking fella who buys a pack of smokes a couple of lotto scratchers and a tall boy at 10 in the morning, the kind of guy you would wait to come out before you and your family go in.. [Cut to family car, wife begins to get out; husband stops her they wait till guy exits the store. Earl lights a cigarette] Well that guy is me, my name is Earl…. [Family enters store, Earl peeks around corner) If you took the time to really get to know me and find out what type of person I truly am, instead of just stereotyping me because of the way I look, well you would be wasting your time cos I am exactly who you think I am., (security camera shows Earl running towards car, earl opens car door] Hell I’ll pretty much steal anything that isn't nailed down [takes cds and American flag out of car runs away].
 
FLASHBACK: [Picture of Crab Shack, a blonde woman pushes Earl  against the wall kissing him: date 1999]
 
Earl: (v.o) About six years ago I was out drinking when I met this little firecracker
 
Earl: You’ve got great boobs Peggy
 
Earl: (v.o.) her name was not Peggy
 
Joy: [face of disgust] my name is Joy
 
Earl: you’ve got great boobs, Joy. [Continued making out]
 
Earl: (v.o) she kept buying me drinks and later that night she drove us to Vegas, [view of car driving up highway, photo of Earl and Joy ‘just married] by the time I sobered up we were married.
 
Earl: (v.o) [View Earl face inside of toilet – being sick] Next morning I was recuperating from being a little ... over served... [Joy walks in to bathroom hops in shower view of pregnant belly]
 
Joy: Morning honey.
 
Earl: (v.o) hell when I was drinking I thought she just had a bit of a belly, {Earl looks up from toilet] some people might think getting so drunk could accidentally marry a woman that’s 6 months  pregnant is a good reason to stop drinking, personally I think it’s a good reason to keep drinking [picks up beer from bathroom sink]
 
[2000 - Joy and Earl leaning over the baby ]
 
Earl: (v.o) Joy didn't remember much of about the boy's real father except that he drove a ford, so we named him dodge. [Joy waves at Dodge]. A few years later, we were having our first child from my own personal seed [Joy screaming as she gives birth] the doctors already told us he was gonna come out a boy so we went ahead and named him... There he was, (doctors show an African American baby, Joy smiles) Earl Jr.

 [2005 - Earl sitting on couch with a beer in his hand, in a messy house, the two kids running around in front of Earl as he watches tv.]
 
Earl: (v.o) People ask me how I can stay with a cheating wife [Joy filing her nails, leaning over kitchen bench, watching kids] and two horrible kids that aren't mine [greyhounds on tv]... i guess i just believe in the sanctuary of marriage..[Earl gets up grabs the kids and puts them outside] Besides I'm sure just as many people ask her why she hasn't thrown out her good-for-nothin husband and his brother that lives on the couch... [Picture of a large guy rolling over on the couch asleep] That's Randy. The best brother anyone could ever ask for.
 
END OF FLASHBACKS – BACK TO PRESENT
 
 [Old guy walking across the screen, table is shown of Earl, Joy and Randy, Randy takes a swig of beer, Joy filing her nails]
 
Earl: (v.o.) Usually we spend our days hanging over at Ernie’s Crab Shack, {Earl takes a swig of beer, a can gets thrown at his head)
 
Earl: hey (turns around)
 
Guy: Gotcha Earl (pointing at Earl), you’re it you’re it
 
Earl: (v.o.) That’s Sonny, we play beer can tag.
 
(Sonny runs out of the Crab Shack)
 
Earl: no use running fool, I know where you’re momma parks her house. (Earl rubs his head)
 
(A Earl turns around, an African American guy walks out of kitchen, with food)
 
Earl: (v.o.) that’s Darnell, he’s always hooking us up with bowls full of stuff that’s not legally allowed to put in crab cakes
 
Earl: Thanks crab man
 
Darnell: no problem earl
 
[Darnell turn around walks behind Joy, Joy touches him on his arm}
 
Joy: Thank you Darnell
 
Darnell: Anytime Joy.
 
Earl; (v.o) Randy and I love a free crab meat, but for some reason Joy loved coming here too. And if we were luck Wanda would push B7.
 
[Joy is staring at Darnell as he walks away, At the Jukebox, a woman is there, she presses B7, Rob Base & D.J. E-Z Rock’s "It Takes Two" starts to play]
 
Randy:   Oh no she didn't. Woman don’t tell me you pushed B7. (Randy gets up from seat, and pretends he’s fishing, and the woman at the jukebox acts as though she’s just been caught)
 
Earl: (v.o) Anyways that is our life, it wasn’t glamorous or nothing, it was regular enough. (Randy and woman dancing) At least it was regular enough till 3 weeks ago (watching Earl watching Randy).

CUT TO: [Outside convenience store, Earls scratching his scratches ticket on his beat up car, , show $100,000, $100,000, $100,000. Earl’s eyes widen in excitement and shock]
 
Earl: Son of a bitch (screams holding ticket above his head, running around car park) I’m rich (runs out onto the road) a hundred thousand dollars, sucker! (a car hits him, he’s on the windshield)
 
[Old lady screaming inside car slams on her brakes, Earl lying on the road as the lady drives off]
 
Earl: (v.o) that was the happiest ten seconds of my life, (ticket flying away down the road)

CUT TO : Earl laying in hospital bed, with neck brace on, waking up
 
Earl: (v.o) As soon as I was conscience, Randy went back to look for my scratcher (Randy in middle of road between cars looking for ticket) But I knew he wouldn’t find it. Would have been more upset if I wasn’t so doped up, (vision of Morphine drip).
 
[Joy walks into hospital room with papers in her hand)
 
Earl: Hey baby
 
Joy: Hey baby, sign these, next to the sticky little yellow things please
 
Earl: Oki Doki (signs the papers) Earl J Hickey.
 
(Darnell walks into room with box of stuff)
 
Earl: (smiles) Hey crab man
 
Darnell: Hey Earl (waves)
 
Joy: Darnell’s parents threw him out for growing weed in his closet so he’s moving in and we’re thinking bout gettin married
 
Earl: But we’re married
 
Joy: (picks the signed papers out of Earls hand) Not anymore we’re not. Thank you for the trailer. Trust me Earl this will be better for everybody involved. Earl Jr really should be with his daddy. (Joy smiles at Darnell) Feel better now. (Both walk out of room)
 
Earl: (v.o). never been much of a complainer but lying in traction that night knowing that I no longer had a home (picture of letterbox, Earl crossed out and Darnell is written in marker), no longer had a wife, (Darnell is chasing Joy around the trailer in their underwear), no longer had a one hundred thousand dollar lottery ticket (ticket blowing down the road in the wind) well I think I might have cried if I wasn’t afraid of waking Randy up (Randy lying on couch in the hospital room – asleep rolling over) and seeing me. Then it happened I was just flipping the channels and he came on.
 
(View of tv with Carson and his guest)
 
Guest: Forget about me, I wanna know about you I wanna know about Carson Daly. Everytime I see you, you got a beautiful woman on your arm, you got your own talk show, your own record company, What’s your secret?
 
Carson: Well if you must know, ahhh I’m Satan (crowd laughs) No seriously, I ah have been very blessed, I also believe that what goes around comes around and that’s how I try and live my life, I do good things, and good things happen to you, if you do bad things, they’ll come back and to haunt you. It’s karma.
 
Earl: (v.o) Karma there it was, the secret of life coming straight from Carson Daly’s lips to my morphine laced ears. (Earl smiling)

CUT TO: View of exterior of a motel.
 
Earl: (v.o) When they finally released me from the hospital, we checked into a motel. It didn’t take Randy long to make friends with the help. It never does.
 
Randy: (laying on bed watching a cartoon) How longs your break Catalina?
 
Catalina: The manager went to the dog track (jumps on bed) I’m on my own schedule for the afternoon.
 
Earl: (standing in the doorway) Do good things and good things happen to you. Do bad things, they’ll come back to haunt you
 
Randy: That’s deep Earl, so why don’t you stop hogging those vicodins they gave you and we can all chat about that for awhile.
 
Earl: I’m talking bout karma
 
Randy: who’s karma?
 
Earl: I don’t know, just something Carson Daly came up with… he says he does good things in life, and that’s why his life is so great. Got me thinking, my life sucks, I ain’t ever done anything good that I can think of.
 
Catalina: whose this Carson Daly? Is he some sort of spiritual leader, holy man?
 
Randy: you’ve never seen TRL? You need to start putting on some of these TV when you’re cleaning the toilets.
 
Earl: if I want a better life, I need to be a better person. (throws Randy a piece of folded paper)
 
Randy: what’s this (opening paper)
 
Earl: I made a list of everything bad I’ve ever done
 
Randy: (laughing) why?
 
Earl: why? Randy I just won a hundred thousand dollars in the lottery and was immediately got hit my a car, I almost died cos something happened to me that I didn’t deserve. That karma stuff is gonna kill me unless I make up for everything on that list.

CUT TO: [outside of motel room, Earl is walking along balcony, Randy is following him]
 
Randy: number 23. Peed in the back of a cop car
 
Earl: I’m no longer proud of that
 
Randy: no 41, snatched a kids Halloween candy carrier when he came to my trailer for trick or treat?
 
Earl: that was wrong and I know that now
 
Randy: number one-o-two harmed or possibly killed innocent people with second hand smoke. Now how in the world are you gonna fix these things Earl
 
Earl: I don’t know, start with the easy ones. Like, ahh, number 64. (picking up trash in motel carpark)
 
Randy: Picked on Kenny James
 
Earl: I used to torment the hell out of that little boy back in elementary school.
 
Randy: so what do you think you’re gonna do about it now.
 
Earl: I don’t know. Find him, do something nice for him, then cross him off the list.
 
Catalina: (upstairs on balcony) Excuse me.. But if my boss comes back and see that there is no garbage in the parking lot, he’s gonna get used to it like that, so could you please put it back.
 
Earl: (looking up at Catalina) no I can’t. Number 136, I’ve been litterbug
 
Randy: (holding out list) well here, cross that one off your stupid list  
 
Earl: I can’t cross that one off the list, not until I’ve picked up as much as I’ve littered. This isn’t stupid either, it’s my road map to a better life (putting rubbish in the trash cans)
 
Randy: well I hope that road, has free gas and free food and a van big enough for us to sleep in, cos we just spent our last $45 on this room and I’m not cutting into my beer money for some stupid ass crusade.
 
Earl: (looks down to ground and picks up a lottery ticket, its his winning ticket) Son of a bitch, its working (looks at Randy in shock) 

CUT TO: [Ext. of lottery office Earl is standing with a large check being congratulated by a man, and being photographed]
 
Earl: (v.o) When I went over to the lottery office they sure made a big fuss, Randy had an idea to get an extra $100 000 out of the deal…. But I knew it wasn’t gonna work.
 
CUT TO: [Earl at bank collecting money]
 
Earl: Thank you Izetta.
 
(Izetta smiling, as Earl walk away from counter, Randy is line holding the large cardboard check)  
 
Randy: (places in on bench in front of Izetta) Can I borrow a pen?
 
(Izetta is not happy) 

 
CUT TO: Earl putting money in his car’s glove compartment.
 
Earl: (v.o) I wanted to get started on my list as soon as possible so my life would start getting better, hell it was already better. (Randy drinking beer in back of Earl’s ute). Our new friend Catalina had the day off and nothing to do, so Randy and I had something pretty to look at (Earl getting out of car, Catalina is sitting in the back with Randy) Plus I finally had enough money to buy something that I always wanted for my car (Earl sets his car alarm)
 
Catalina: Which house belongs to this boy you tortured
 
Earl: (Pointing) That’s his parents house right over there. We don’t know where Kenny lives now though but Randy will find out. (Randy finishes a beer starts to open a new can) Whoa, whoa, whoa, (Earl stops him), that’s four.
 
Randy: I’m still thirsty
 
Earl: you’ve had four, you can have another one when you come out, go on now. (Randy climbs out of car and heads towards the house)
 
Catalina: so why aren’t you going in?
 
Earl: I get nervous when I lie. Randy’s a pro. So long he’s got the right number of beers in him.  (Picking up rubbish) Four seems to be his magic number, any more and he starts to get a little bit ….. unpredictable. 

FLASHBACK:  (seven months earlier, pans acoss a table with beers and a shaven cat and randy asleep on the couch. Joy walks in the trailer and sees the cat)
 
Joy: (annoyed) EARL, your brother shaved the damn cat again.
 
Earl: (v.o) Randy hadn’t been inside Kenny’s parents house since we robbed it in high school. All we got was a back pack full of birds. 
 
END FLASHBACK – BACK TO PRESENT
 
 (View of inside house, a wall of bird figurines, and Kenny’s parents sitting on the couch)
 
Mrs James: So are you visiting all of Kenny’s classmates parents?
 
Randy: Only the ones we’ve lost contact with. You see as class president its my duty to organize the reunion and I’d hate for anyone to miss out on all the fun, you know with all that catching up and the little appetizers and all that.
 
Mrs James : oh isn’t that sweet.
 
Mr James: Can I get you a beer son?
 
Randy: (looks outside, looks back) I would love a beer, Thank you.
 
(Outside Earl is putting the bag of rubbish in the back of the ute, He turns around and Catalina is right behind him and pushes him on the car.)
 
Earl: what are you doin?
 
Catalina: you don’t like me?
 
Earl: no no you’re nice, is just Randy when you came in to give us towels, he called dibs.

FLASHBACK: Catalina entering motel room holding towels, walking past Randy and Earl on the bed. Randy staring at her.
 
Randy: (hits Earl) Dibs.
 
(Earl hits him back)
 
END FLASHBACK – BACK TO PRESENT
 
(Back to present, Earl and Catalina facing each other, and they hear sirens 3 cop cars pull up outside the house. Cops get out run towards The James’ house.)
 
Earl: in case your wondering how many beers it takes for Randy to get himself into trouble.. nine seems the magic number. (shot over roof, randy running across the backyard) Luckily, he got Kenny’s address before he pissed off Mr James.
 
(Back inside James’ house.)
 
Mrs James: I think I have Kenny’s yearbook in here somewhere.
 
(Randy sitting on couch with Mr James drinking beer. Randy staring at Mrs James bending over)
 
Randy: (hits Mr James) Dibs.
 
(Next Randy is running away.)

CUT TO: (Earl, Randy and Catalina outside of Kenny’s house, a blue car pulls into view.
 
Earl: (v.o) first we had a little trouble finding Kenny’s house (Kenny gets out of car) You see Randy wrote the address on his hand and sweated it off the last digit during his getaway. But eventually we found it.
 
Earl: (leaning forward) there he is. Kenny James.  I got a weird feeling in my stomach.
 
Randy: maybe you’ve got stomach cancer.. Can karma cause stomach cancer?
 
Earl: (looking down at his stomach) I don’t know 
 
Catalina: it’s probably just guilt.
 
Earl: (v.o) was probably right, I wasn’t proud of the way I treated Kenny.

FLASHBACK: Kids playing a game, of baseball/soccer, (I have no idea what it’s called)
 
Young Earl: hey, Kenny, I bet you’ll strike out again you dork.
 
Teacher: (pointing at Earl) That’s enough Earl. (Faces Kenny) Just ignore him Kenny, and try your best.
 
(rolls a large ball to Kenny, Kenny kicks it, lands in the hands of a kid in a wheelchair, Kenny begins to run, Earl kick him in the balls, Kenny falls down in pain, then Earl throws the ball at him.)
 
Earl: you’re out.

CUT TO PRESENT: View of tv, Earl looking through a window.
 
Earl: (v.o) I watched Kenny for a few days and tried to figure out how to make up for all the abuse I put him through. Kenny had a good job as an assistant manager at the copy hut. (Kenny is knocked over while carrying reams of paper), a powder blue le car he took pride in (Kenny is fighting with the hose while washing his car), the nicest house on the block (Kenny mowing his lawn) but he didn’t have anyone to share it with (Kenny eating dinner alone in front of the tv) he was lonely. There was something special missing in his life that every man needs to feel whole.
 
Earl: (walks in front door of his motel room) I gotta get him laid
 
Randy: (laying on the bed with Catalina) What?
 
Earl: Kenny, I made him feel bad his whole childhood if I want to cross him off my list I gotta make him feel good a little pleasure to make up for that pain.
 
Catalina : what kind of woman are you gonna get to have sex with a scrawny little man like that.
 
Randy: yeah, you need to get laid.
 
Earl: not with Patty you don’t

CUT TO: Kids running off a school bus, Vision of Patty in red, lacing up her knee high boots.
 
Earl (v.o) Patty wasn’t your run of the mill prostitute, she was a daytime hooker, takes a special kind of woman to sell sexual favors in the light of day and I was right, Patty doesn’t care if the man has muscles, muscles can’t buy mad dog.
 
(Randy and Earl walking towards Patty.)
 
Earl: Hey Patty
 
Patty: Hey boys, is it Randy’s birthday already?
 
Earl: no, we got another job for ya,

CUT TO: knocking on the door, Kenny opens it
 
Kenny: Hello
 
Patty: Hey sweetie, I’m calling from Greenpeace I need to talk to you about a scarred whale and all that crap (walk into Kenny’s house) you got anything to drink in here.(Kenny closes door confused) Have you got a toothbrush I can borrow.
 
Kenny: Ma’am.
 
(Outside Earl and Randy are sitting in Earls’ car. In the side mirror, a guy is riding down the street on a motorbike )
 
Earl: look whose coming
 
(Close up of Sonny, Earl picks up a can and throw it at him, Sonny swerves and crashes his bike, Earl leans out his window)
 
Earl: You’re it
 
Sonny: (gets up, brushes his shoulders) Hey Earl, nice one. (Earl gets out of his car and walks towards Sonny) are you guys looking to rob one of these houses cos there is an unlocked one right down the street.
 
Earl: no thanks (puts his hand on Sonny’s shoulder)
 
Sonny: Alright look, if its about last time, I-I promise I’m not gonna mess up again

FLASHBACK: Earl and Randy exit house with masks on holding stolen property, no one is there for the getaway.
 
Earl: (taking off their masks) where did Sonny go.
 
(Strip club – sonny in a mask watching a stripper come down a pole with money in his mouth.
 
END FLASHBACK - BACK TO PRESENT.
 
Earl: Sorry Sonny but I’m out of the house robbing business.
 
(Patty leaving Kenny’s house)
 
Sonny: and into the pimping business. I can help out with that too. I got an uncle, real lonely guy, and he gets a disability check every Thursday.
 
Earl: ok sonny, we’ll talk about it later. (Sonny leaves)
 
(Patty runs across the road to Earl)
 
Earl: (rubbing his hands together) how did it go
 
Patty: he gave me $10 to help the monkeys.
 
Randy: How’s the sex? Got anything in the tank left over for me.
 
Patty: we didn’t do it.
 
Earl: what? Patty we had a deal.
 
Patty: I did what you said, I told him I thought he was cute and I tried to kiss him but he wasn’t interested.
 
Earl: Damn Patty, I’m on a schedule here, come on Randy.
 
Patty: I tried Earl I did. Towards the end I even pulled out my good boob.
 
(Earl knocking on Kenny’s door)
 
Randy: you think he’s gonna remember you
 
(Kenny opens the door, gets scared and tries to slam the door in Earls face)
 
Earl: yeah I think he remembers me.
 
(Kenny runs to a phone and starts dialing)
 
Earl: Kenny calm down
 
Kenny: I have a restraining order against you Earl Hickey.
 
Earl: Yeah but that was written on a brown paper bag by the school nurse 20 years ago, besides I made you eat it remember.
 
Kenny: yeah well just take whatever you want and leave.
 
Earl: all I want to do is talk.
 
Randy: Hold on a sec, you’re giving stuff away (pick up the alarm clock) I’ll take this.
 
Earl: Put it down.
 
Randy: its got a cd player in it.
 
Earl: (through his teeth) put it down. Listen Kenny, I’m here to help you
 
Kenny: I don’t need your help
 
Earl: Buddy, you just gave up the chance to have sex with the daytime hooker. You need my help.
 
Randy: Earl
 
Earl: Not now Randy.
 
Kenny: (to Randy) Shut that drawer
 
Earl: Kenny, I’m here to help you find you a woman so you can be happy.
 
Randy: Earl, I think you’re trying to sell a cat to a man who fancies dogs. 
 
(Randy throws a magazine on the bed, Earl picks it up, it called Man’s Man. They all exchange looks. Earl and Randy start to leave the room.)
 
Earl: (v.o) I know this might sound crazy in this day and age but we live in a small town and I’ve never been face to face with a gay before. (Earl and Randy running out of Kenny’s house) I understand now how the runnin wasn’t necessary.

CUT TO: Earl, Randy and Catalina at Motel.
 
Earl: that’s it Kenny’s off the list.
 
Randy: Good
 
Catalina: isn’t that against the rules?
 
Earl: look I made the list so that means I make the rules. The guy was gay. There are special circumstances; I would have to help those special circumstances… (Gives Randy some money) Here you go, go get us some special cheeseburgers from the machine.
 
Catalina: ok so whats next.
 
Earl: (looking at list) ahh number 86 stole a car from a one legged girl 
 
(Catalina and Earl enter his motel room, it has been ransacked)
 
Earl: what happened here? (Joy comes from behind him and hits him in the head with the phone) ow Damn girl have you lost your mind.
 
Joy: who’s the whore?
 
Catalina: what did you just call me..
 
Earl: look she’s the maid. Relax.
 
Joy: Did you think I wouldn’t gonna find out. (throws newspaper at him, picture of him with check.)

Earl: would you look at that, my eyes are closed.
 
Joy: I want half that lotto money Earl.
 
Earl: yeah well I wanted a legitimate baby with a wife who didn’t huff paint on thanksgiving. Well I guess life’s full of disappointments now ain’t it.
 
Randy: (walking in door) they only had one mellow cola left. Do you wanna westle for it? (Joy hits him over the head with phone)
 
Earl: that’s it, give me the damn phone.
 
(Joy goes to hit him again with it.)
 
Joy: I’m gonna get that money Earl,  I want it.
 
(Joy leaves Earl and Catalina watch her go)
 
Catalina: That’s your ex wife
 
Earl: Yep, a crazy as she is, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t going to miss her.
 
(Joy kick Earl’s car, the alarm goes off, Earl turns it off, Joy gets in her car)
 
Darnell: Hey Earl
 
Earl: hey crabman
 
Randy: (walking out rubbing his head) what happened?
 
Earl: Karma. Karma happened.

CUT TO: (Kennys house – he is getting home, opening his front door.)

Earl: (v.o) And I believed it too. Think about it as soon as I decided not to help Kenny, Joy broke into my  room and beat me up with a phone. That’s when I realized that I had to stick to the plan. There are no special circumstances. I may have made the list but I do not make the rules. Karma makes the rules. The one legged girl would have to wait. Kenny had to be first.
 
(Kenny turns on his light; Earl is standing in his house)
 
Kenny: (gets out spray) Stay away. I bought mace.
 
Earl: I just want to talk Kenny, relax.
 
(Kenny sprays can at Earl, but get himself in the eyes instead)
 
Earl: Kenny (vision is blurry) Hey Kenny, how’s it feeling now.
 
Kenny: Better. Thanks for pinning me down on the ground and prying my eyes open with your fingers and pouring the milk in. I think that helped a lot.
 
Earl: Yeah well if you steal enough purses you learn a few things about mace.
 
(Awkward silence)
 
Earl: wha (coughs) god wow that’s (picks up a candle, chuckles, uncomfortable) Why don’t you have a man Kenny?
 
Kenny: what?
 
Earl: if you like men, why don’t you have a man.
 
Kenny: that’s none of your business
 
Earl: no its not I know that. Trust me I don’t really want to know, its just that you seem lonely and I gotta figure out how I’m gonna help you so I can cross you off my list.
 
Kenny: what list?
 
Earl:  you’re number 64, (shows Kenny list) but don’t let that fool ya, I’m doing you first. You see Kenny, my life sucks and it’s because I’ve been a bad person. I’m hoping if I can do some good things then maybe some good things might finally happen to me.
 
Kenny: you’re talking about karma.
 
Earl: you’re a Carson Daly fan too, huh. Yeah I’m talking about karma.
 
Kenny:  You’re really trying to change.
 
Earl: if I don’t I think life is gonna kill me.
 
Kenny: I don’t have a man because nobody knows im gay. You know what this town is like Earl. Besides even if people knew, where am I going to meet anyone.
 
Earl: what about the city. Don’t they have special bars for the queers -  I’m sorry Homosexual Americans.
 
Kenny: I tried there once I drove and hour and a half, just to sit outside in my car, too scared to go in.
 
FLASHBACK: Nighttime, a male gay couple runs past, Kenny sitting in his car, Policeman knocks on his window,
 
Police: You need to move your car.
 
Kenny: Officer I’m straight.
 
Police: you can’t park here.
 
Kenny: ok. I-I’m straight. (starts car)
 
END FLASHBACK - BACK TO PRESENT
 
Earl: (coughs) what if I went with you,
 
Kenny: what
 
Earl: maybe you won’t be scared if you’re not alone.
 
Kenny: Earl Hickey is going to take me to a gay bar.
 
Earl: (pointing to his list) I don’t have a choice Kenny.
 
CUT TO: Gay club.
 
Earl: (v.o) I didn’t want to be the only non gay there so luckily Randy agreed to go as soon as he herard there were going to be bubbles.
 
Earl: (to Kenny) you like that one?
 
Kenny: oohh, I don’t know. He’s cute I guess.
 
Earl: Alright I’ll go talk to him. Wait do you want to be the man or the woman.
 
Kenny: wa-wa are you j-just going to go over there and talk to him.
 
Earl: Yeah he’s gay but he ain’t gonna bite me. He’s not gonna bite me is he?
 
Kenny: look maybe I should do this myself.
 
Earl: Kenny I can’t let you do that. I gotta be the one to help you if I’m want to cross you off my list.
 
Kenny: wait wait wait you have helped me. Look my whole life I’ve been scared to be who I really am because of what all the people might think but then Earl Hickey brought me to a gay bar. Earl Hickey went to express for men and bought me a shirt. Earl Hickey the one man I was the most scared of in my whole life has accepted me as I am. Look when we were kids you took away my confidence, but today you gave it back. Thanks Earl. (They shake hands, smiling) You can cross me off your list. (Earl watches as Kenny goes to talk to a guy.)
 
Earl: (v.o) there you have it, never underestimate the power of confidence.
 
Club D.J: It’s midnight boys, and its time to take it old school. Randy’s song begins to play.
 
Randy: oh no you didn’t, tell me you didn’t just go old school. (Casts a line, hooks a gay guy and starts dancing.)
 
Earl: (v.o) never underestimate fifteen beers, a little enlightenment and the power of Rob Bass and D.J E-Z rock. Well one down, two hundred and fifty eight to go (crosses Kenny off of his list, watches Randy dance with a guy)

THE END

Starring:
 
JAIME PRESSLY as Joy
JASON LEE as Earl
ETHAN SUPLEE as Randy
NADINE VELAZQUEZ as Catalina
EDDIE STEEPLES as Darnell
and
GREGG BINKLEY as Kenny James
LEO FITZPATRICK as Sonny

MARC BUCKLAND – Executive Producer
GREGORY THOMAS GARCIA – Executive Producer
GREG GARCIA – Creator
JASON LEE – Producer
HENRY J LANGE JR. – Producer

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Transcribed by LAUREN for http://www.twiztv.com
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