Opening Scene:

Music plays softly in the background.  The interior of the house is filled with exquisite woodwork, paintings and statuary.  It is the home of the wealthy, the fabulously rich.

A woman sits at a dining room table.  A cup sits before her, which she sips from.  A man enters the room behind her.

Man: "Ah, Erwing?"

Woman: (raises her brows as she answers) "Not quite."

Ignoring her expression, her husband walks over to the dresser.

Man:  "You have your, ah, art class today?"

Woman:  "Uh huh.  Life in the fast lane."

They both sip at their drinks.  He looks at her, and she stares back, uncomfortable.

Woman:  "What?"

He smiles, lowering his cup.

Man:  "I'm just adoring you.  Isn't a husband allowed to stop and adore his wife?  How'd I get to be so lucky?"

She smiles.

Woman:  "We both got "lucky" Henry."

Henry sets his cup and saucer on the table.  He then picks up the remote and turns the music down.  The wife raises her brows in barely concealed annoyance.

Woman:  "I was listening to that."

Henry:  "I'm just turning it down... you don't mind."

It's more a statement than a question.

Henry:  "I have to go to the office for a couple of hours."

Woman:  "Of course."

Henry:  "Oh, and, uh, don't forget we're having dinner with Father Hatchery."

Woman:  "...Again?"

Henry's back is turned, so he misses the sarcastic tilt of her head.  Once he is out of the room, she blasts the music again.  Suddenly, the room begins to shake.  The wife cries out as things begin to fall.  Henry rushes back in the room as she stands, confused.

Henry:  "Honey, not there, over here!"

He beckons, standing in an archway.  Statues tip over and smash on the floor.  They stand in fear as the earthquake rattles the house.  Car alarms go off outside.  Slowly, the shaking stops.  Henry breathes out sharply.

Henry:  "I thought that could have been the big one.  Why don't you turn on the news, see how bad it was.  I'll check the house."

As he walks away, the wife looks down to see a porcelain bust on the floor.  Meanwhile, Henry is examining the wall.

Henry:  "Look, there's a crack over here.  Do you see it?  It runs all the way across, here and..."

He turns as she approaches behind him, lifting the bust above her head.  His eyes widen in shock and fear.

Henry:  "Christine, what are you, wha... no, noooooo!"

The statue smashes into his head, throwing him to the floor.  Christine pauses for a moment to catch her breath.  Dropping the statue, she retrieves a crowbar and uses it to tip a wall cabinet onto the body of her husband.

Christine:  "Well Henry, it was the big one."
 

*Opening credits*
 

Sharona strode down the sidewalk speaking quickly into her cell phone.  Behind her, her apartment complex is surrounded by firemen and police.  Smoke billows in the air.

Sharona:  "Oh thank God!  Thank God.  No, nononononono.  Stay at Kenny's Benjy!  Stay there!  I just gotta check out Mr. Monk!"

At Adrian's house, her hand raises to rap at his door.

Sharona:  "Adrian, Ad..."

He answers, his mouth filled with an apple.  In his hand is a shattered picture of his wife, Trudy.  Sharona takes in his appearance.

Sharona:  "You Ok?  I've been trying to call you for over an hour, your phone is dead."

Adrian:  (mouth filled with apple) "Uhm."

Sharona:  "Are you sure you're ok?"

She sees a lamp tipped over in the front entry.  Adrian kicks the door closed and walks inside.  She follows him into the rest of his home.

Sharona:  "Oh my God."

The room is a mess, books and paper litter the floor, pictures hang crookedly on the walls.

Adrian:  "Mjay?"  He asks, still chewing.

Sharona:  "Wha... Benjy?  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.  He's ok.  He was at school when it happened and he loved it, he thought it was like a roller coaster."

As she speaks, she walks quickly through the room, examining the destruction.

Sharona:  "I... Adrian, I have to tell you, I'm very impressed.  I thought you'd be a basket case.  Everything's... broken!"

She looks around again at the ruin.  Adrian sits calmly in his chair, still eating his apple.

Sharona:  "Where were you when it happened?"

Adrian leans back, picking up a book to read.

Adrian:  "Tarie oh-shh, jedu krimini."  He responds, hefting the book.

Sharona turns, her brows pulling together in confusion.

Sharona:  "What?"

Adrian repeats himself, slowly so she doesn't miss his words.

Adrian:  "Terie.  Oh-shh.  Jedu.  Krimini."

She blinks once, staring.  He glances up and catches her expression.  He half-smiles, confused by her response.

Adrian:  "Hoo krulin kroonk?"

Sharona:  "Are you ok?"

Frustrated, Adrian plops the book down and stands to his feet.

Adrian:  "Pamo je duke, terie je duke ri mene!"

Sharona walks up to him, hand outstretched.

Sharona:  "Adrian, you're not speaking English, you know that right?"

Adrian shrugs at her.

Adrian:  "Stri leps en jay?"

Sharona looks worried.  Adrian starts laughing.

Adrian:  "Durk en tol eh vall re gob."

He walks to the kitchen, convinced Sharona is pulling his leg.

A short time later, Sharona is on the phone with Dr. Kroger.

Dr. Kroger:  "Yeah, yeah, Sharona, re-relax.  He's having a dissociative episode."

She stands in the kitchen with Adrian, who still clutches Trudy's picture, while tentatively reaching out with his other hand for the phone.

Sharona:  "Way..way..way...wait.  Dissociative?"

Dr. Kroger: "Yeah, the trauma of the earthquake probably shorted out the occipital lobe in the left hemisphere of his brain, which controls the ability to speak and to form words."

Sharona:  "Well what should I do?"

Adrian, meanwhile, continues to look on in complete confusion.

Dr. Kroger:  "Look, he thinks he's speaking normally."

Adrian reaches for the phone as Kroger continues talking.

Dr. Kroger:  "See, he's more confused than you are."

Adrian gestures for the phone.

Adrian:  "Al ba heah malom."

Sharona holds up her hand to Adrian.

Dr. Kroger:  "Right, well I can see him tomorrow at four, if you'd like.  But I gotta tell ya, I wouldn't be surprised if he's fine by then.  You know, I mean, these things usually pass on their own.  The most important thing, is don't leave him alone."

Sharona nods as Adrian continues to reach out with his hand.  "Ok."

Adrian:  "Oll dok do umon.  Mill ja tere!"

Adrian waves his hand.  Sharona holds hers up again, trying to get him to relax.

Sharona:  "Wait, wait!  Ok, hold on, hold on."  she sighs.  "He wants to speak to you."

She passes the phone over to a confident Adrian.  Adrian laughs gently into the receiver as he takes the phone.

Adrian:  "Ee nargly voon alom speer jock."

Dr. Kroger:  "You're talking gibberish.  Adrian, I can't understand a word you're saying."

Adrian:  "Eee nargly s', voon dom speer jock!"

Dr. Kroger:  "Right, right, ok good, so, put Sharona on the phone, ok?"

Meanwhile, Sharona's attention has been grabbed by a news report on the television.

Reporter:  "...well known philanthropist, Henry Rutherford, who's best known for his Rutherford scholarships, which enabled hundreds of inner-city children from across the country..."

Sharona:  "Oh my God!"

Sharona's expression falls.  Adrian notices her anguish and speaks quickly into the phone.

Adrian:  "Burlie fangh."

Kroger nods in confusion.  "Ok..."

Adrian sets the phone down, looking at Sharona.  She fights tears as she speaks.

Sharona:  "Henry Rutherford.  I told you about him.  I've been working with him the whole month.  He's a deacon at my church... he, he was trying to make money for the new church... Oh my God, his wife is gonna be devastated."

She grabs for her purse as Adrian looks at the television.  Sharona sighs.

Sharona:  "I gotta go."

Adrian:  "Shery kurt wygle."

Sharona looks up as she gathers her things.

Sharona:  "They live two blocks away, they just moved here, she doesn't know anybody.  I'm gonna see if they need my help ok?  Just stay here."

Adrian: (shrugging) "Ee ty.  Po sholer der."

Sharona closes her eyes.  "You know what, on second thought, you better come with me, come on."

Adrian lifts the forgotten cell.  "Bredi chon."

Sharona takes it from him.

Sharona:  "Dr. Kroger, we'll call you back."

Kroger nods at the phone, completely at a loss.  "F-fine."
 

At the home of the late Henry Rutherford, Christine, Sharona, and Father Hatchery sit around the dining room table while Adrian walks about the room.

Christine:  "He had a brother in London, they weren't close, but... someone should call him."

Father:  "Don't worry Christine, I'll take care of it."

Christine:  "Thank you Father.  I don't know what I'd do without you and Sharona.

While Christine speaks, Sharona begins pouring tea.  The Father holds Christine's hand in comfort.  A short distance away, Adrian walks around the room, staying out of the way.

Christine:  "It was terrible, the whole room started to shake.  And Henry made sure I was safe in the doorway."

Father:  "Now, you mustn't torture yourself."

Adrian begins to examine the ceiling and walls, hands in his pockets.

Christine:  "The wall unit started to come tipping over, and Henry was trying to keep it from falling."

Sharona places a hand to her chest, her eyes are pained.

Christine:  "I saw it come crashing down.  I called for help, but there was nobody else in the house."

Sharona brings over the tea:  "Ok, here ya go."

Christine:  "Oh... I, I couldn't."

Sharona:  "No no no, Christine, ya have to have something."

Father:  "She's right Christine, you must stay strong."

Sharona:  "You know, I could stay here tonight..."

As they speak, Adrian begins wandering again.

Christine:  "Thank you, it's very sweet.  But I called my mother in Chicago, she'll be here later tonight."

Sharona:  "Oh, that, that's good!  Mothers are great to talk to.  Well, you know, except for mine."

Adrian walks towards the group, a look of sensitive tenderness on his face.

Adrian:  "Harg chark."

Sharona looks uncomfortable, but feels introductions are necessary.

Sharona:  "Oh, um, this is my boss, Adrian Monk."

Adrian folds his hands, he speaks in an obvious attempt at imparting comfort.

Adrian:  "Bezzle whent, yoon croush wheez crozen."

Sharona:  "Um, Adrian... why don't you wait in the other room."

While she speaks, Adrian catches sight of a toppled bowl of fruit.  He begins to quickly straighten it.  Sharona, embarrassed, shoos him away.

Sharona:  "Adrian, wait in the other room."

Adrian, giving her a look of irritation, allows himself to be herded out.

Father:  "Um, where's he from?"

Sharona: (laughing in embarrassment) : "Neptune."

Meanwhile, Adrian begins wandering through the other room.  While their conversation continues, Adrian begins to straighten pictures on the walls.  Then he stops, something seems odd to him.

Adrian:  "Dwon lear brannegaa nusis?"

He begins walking around, examining each wall more closely.  He looks at the wall unit that crushed Henry Rutherford.  Taking a kerchief from his breast pocket, he drags the cloth down the back of the unit.  It comes up clean.  At that moment, Sharona walks in, eyes tired.

Adrian:  "Leego on forgi garrus."

Sharona:  "Oh, she'll be alright."

Adrian's eyes narrow, it wasn't the response he wanted.  He looks around again, brows pulled together in concern.

Sharona:  "What are you doing?"

Adrian:  "Bavioski.  Che sagl not right about this room."

Sharona's eyes widen suddenly:  "Adrian, you can talk!"

Adrian shakes his head:  "Of course I can talk- what is wrong with you?"

Sharona (eyes wide):  "Nothing is wrong with me!"
 
 

Shortly afterward, at the police station, officers rush about cleaning up the mess.  Adrian stands by Stottlemeyer, hopping in agitation as he fusses with his clothes, waiting to get the Captain's attention.

Stottlemeyer (on phone):  "There is no third watch.  I want everybody on active duty to report to their watch commanders, got it?"

Adrian (continuing what has probably been a long conversation):  "You think you follow me?"

Stottlemeyer hangs up the phone and tries to escape from Adrian.

Stottlemeyer:  "Yes, Christine Rutherford, sat around waiting for an earthquake?"

Adrian holds up his hand:  "No, no, she sat around waiting for her rich old husband to die.  And when the earthquake hit..."

Stottlemeyer begins to walk away.  Adrian keeps pace.

Adrian:  "You see, Cap... When the earthquake hit, she realized it was her chance.  A one-in-a-million shot.  And she took it."

Officer 1:  "Captain, we have some reports of looting on Patraro Hill."

As the officer speaks, Adrian takes a moment to straighten a figure on the top of a computer.

Stottlemeyer:  "Alright, get ten uniforms down there, I want a man on every corner.  Go, go, go."

Once he has the Captain's attention again, Adrian continues pushing his case.

Adrian:  "There was ceiling debris all over the floor, but none on the back of a fallen display case."

Stottlemeyer (distracted):  "Um hum."

Adrian:  "And there were marks on the wall, like somebody used a lever to knock that case over."

Stottlemeyer:  "Yeh..."

Officer 2, handing Stottlemeyer a phone:  "Captain, Captain, Carhill."

Carhill:  "Those calls are false alarms."

Stottlemeyer:  "I don't care if they're all false alarms, you gotta check em out, every one."

Carhill:  "Yessir."

Stottlemeyer hangs up and turns his attention to Monk.

Stottlemeyer:  "Look, Monk, there was an earthquake, that's what earthquakes do, they knock crap over."

Adrian waves his arms, frustrated.

Adrian:  "Yeah, bu-but there were other pictures on the same wall and none of them- none of them were even crooked."

Stottlemeyer reaches the end of his rope.  He tries to get past Monk.

Stottlemeyer:  "I'm trying to put out a hundred fires here Monk."

He brushes past Adrian, moving towards the sound of a commotion.

Adrian:  "I realize that..."

Stottlemeyer:  "Where's the guy from emergency services?"

A group of people stand, arguing, near the front of the station.  Stottlemeyer walks up to them.  Adrian trails behind, still trying to get the Captain to listen.

Stottlemeyer:  "Look out, look out.  Look, somebody will be with you soon enough.  Please, everybody just sit down, calm down."

Adrian:  "She could be there..."

Stottlemeyer:  "What?"

Adrian:  "She could be there, right now, cleaning up all the evidence.  At least send a couple of detectives over there to look around."

Stottlemeyer:  "I haven't got a detective, I haven't got a moment to spare.  Monk, the shaking you felt this morning was a 6.0 earthquake."

Adrian holds up his hand:  "But... at least send, ME, over to check it out..."

Stottlemeyer:  "Where's Sharona?"

Adrian:  "She went to pick up her kid."

Stottlemeyer (caving):  "Alright.  Hey, Lieutenant?  I'm officially handing Monk off to you.  I want you to give him anything he needs.  Now quit screwing around and get back to work."

Stottlemeyer pushes Adrian over to stand beside Disher, who is currently attempting to repair a leaking water pipe in the ceiling.

Disher (with a screwdriver in his teeth):  "Uhh, sure."

He turns to glance at Adrian.  At that moment, a jet of water sprays from fixture and hits him square in the face.  Adrian turns away, hands to his face as the water goes everywhere.

Sharona and Benjy stand together next to a line of yellow warning tape.  Just beyond is the ruined street near their apartment.  A cop approaches them.

Cop:  "I'm sorry, the street's closed."

Sharona:  "What's going on?"

Cop:  "The gas line's ruptured, and all the phone lines are down.  These two blocks were the worst ones hit."

Sharona's face melts into disgust and frustration.

Sharona:  "Who, well we just live right over there."

The cop stands firm:  "Not today you don't.  Call emergency services.  Here's their number."

Sharona takes the card in irritation.  Behind her, a man lifts a camera.

Sharona:  "How long is this gonna be?"

Cop:  "Well, maybe a couple of days."

Sharona:  "A coupla days!"

Cop:  "Maybe three.  Just call that number ma'am, I just work here."

Reporter:  "Officer, I'm with the Melvin Gazette.  Can I get in there and get a coupla shots?"

The cop's face hardens:  "I'm sorry, no one can get through."

Sharona:  "Look, can we just go in and get some stuff?  I mean, what if he needs some medicine or something?"  She gestures to Benjy.

Cop:  "Ma'am, you have to call that number, ok?  That's all I know.  Now please, step back."

Sharona glares at the cop as she slowly walks away from the barrier.  The reporter smiles at her.

Reporter:  "Now there's a delightful chap, reminds me of my x-wife."  His accent is Australian.

Sharona (raising her eyebrows humorously.):  "Reminds me of my x-husband.  Maybe we should get em together."

The reporter takes another shot.

Benjy:  "Mom, what are we gonna do?"

Sharona:  "I don't know, I don't know.  I guess we're gonna have to find a hotel."

Reporter:  "Good luck, I been calling all morning.  Nary a room left in the whole city."

Sharona catches the odd word choice and smiles.

Sharona:  "Nary a room?"

Reporter:  "It's what I say."

Sharona:  "Well, we can always stay at Aunt Gail's."  She doesn't sound enthusiastic.

Benjy (coughing):  "Why can't we stay at Mr. Monk's?"

Sharona:  "Because I will go crazy, slower, at Aunt Gail's."

Reporter:  "Think your Aunt Gail has an extra room for an out-of-town journalist?  I'm Darryl Right."

Sharona:  "Oh, I'm Sharona."  She smiles hugely, attracted to the handsome man.  "Yeah, I'm sorry, my sister has no room."

Reporter:  "This your boyfriend?"  He asks, smiling at Benjy.

Benjy:  "Thought I was her boyfriend?"  Sharona rubs his arm, laughing.

Sharona:  "He's joking."

Darryl:  "Listen, my editor just called.  He wants me to do a story on the quake.  What do you say, you and Benjy here, add a little local color?"

Sharona:  "Oh, yeah, we'd love to!"

Darryl:  "Great, start with a picture?"

The two pose, smiling, for the shot.

Later, Darryl walks through a bedroom in a white bathrobe.  He is sipping at a glass of champagne.

Darryl:  "Do you believe in love at first sight?"  He walks towards the bed.  A woman is reclining there, watching the television.  It's Christine Rutherford.

Darryl:  "I never did."

Christine:  "Then you got a look at my husband's bank account."

Darryl:  "And zing went the strings of my heart."  He says, rolling onto the bed.  Christine smiles as he runs his hand up her body.  They share a kiss.

Christine:  "There we were, just waiting for the right opportunity.  And God dropped it right in our laps!"  She can't contain a laugh of disbelief.

Darryl:  "The bloody miracle!"

Christine:  "Forty-two, point five, million dollars."

Darryl (caressing her):  "Say it again."

Christine (closing her eyes and gasping):  "Forty-two... point five...million dollars!"

Darryl (grinning):  "Oh... I love it when you talk dirty!"  They kiss again, then stop, their eyes meeting.

Darryl:  "Just one more loose end to tie up, and it's all ours."

Christine:  "Sharona?"

Darryl:  "Sharona."

Christine:  "She's pretty."

Darryl:  "Didn't notice."

Christine:  "Are you sure she trusts you?"

Darryl (laughing):  "Why wouldn't she trust me?"

Sharona stands with Benjy outside an apartment building. She reaches up and rings the bell. A woman with blonde hair and familiar twang in her speech answers the door.

Gail: "Sharona." She says limply. She turns to Benjy and smiles brightly. "Hey, Baddabing!"

Benjy: "Hi."

Sharona: "Gail, I am so sorry, I didn't know who else to call."

Gail: "Hey, no problem, that's what I'm here for! It's gonna be fun!" She smiles at Benjy, who smiles back. "I just talked to Mom, she's freakin' out! She heard some guy on CNN talk about aftershocks. I could not get her off the phone!"

Sharona: "You should get caller ID."

Gail: "I have caller ID, I had it before you."

Sharona: "No you didn't!"

Gail: "I told you about caller ID!"

Sharona (face twisting in perplextion): "What!? I had caller ID when I lived in Valencia, remember, you came over and I showed you how it worked?"

Gail: "I had caller ID when I was living with Lenny in Seattle."

Sharona: "Ok, you never told me that!"

Gail: "I know, I was avoiding your calls. I had caller ID!"

She scores the point with a jaunty tip to her head. Sharona is about to respond when she is interrupted.

Benjy: "Mom, Aunt Gail, can we go inside please?"

Gail slides her body to the side to allow Benjy inside, but not Sharona.

Sharona: "Gail, remember when I went out to visit Mom, when she broke her wrist?"

Gail: "Yeah?"

Sharona: "And remember you said that you owed me big time? Remember?"

Gail nods, agreeing grudgingly. Sharona turns to look behind her. Gail follows her glance, and catches sight of somebody peeking around a light post across the street. His arms are loaded with suitcases.

Gail: "Ohhhh... nooooo!"

Sharona: "I swear, I swear, he's gonna be good!" She turns around and gestured for Monk to approach. "Come on! Come on..."

Gail groans, misery settling like a dripping wet blanket.

Sharona: "You know, he's not as bad as he was. He-he's just so freaked out about this earthquake, I can't leave him alone!"

Adrian crosses the street at Sharona's urging.

Gail: "I guess he can sleep on the couch..."

Sharona: "Well, actually he's gonna need the guestroom. He doesn't sleep on couches."

Gail: "Riiight..."

Sharona: "Gail, I spent two weeks with Mom!"

Gail (glaring): "Now we're even."

Adrian reaches the door, Gail slowly moves aside.

Sharona: "It's gonna be ok Adrian!" Sharona grins widely. Gail smiles painfully.

Adrian: "Hi Gail. Listen, don't worry about Sharona, she won't get in the way."

Sharona opens her mouth, then decides a smile would be more tactful. Gail grabs her arm and hustles her inside.

Gail (pointing at Sharona): "Even."

The door closes firmly behind them.
 
 

Inside
 

Adrian walks about in the background, cell phone in hand.

Adrian: "Yes thank you, I'll hold."

Sharona and Gail sit on the couch while Adrian walks about in the other room. Benjy sits on the floor with headphones on and a magazine in his hands.

Sharona (to Gail): "You know, I like those earrings!"

Gail: "You ought to, you gave em' to me."

Sharona: "Oh, yeah, forgot." She lifts her drink. "So, um... are you still seeing that actor?"

Gail: "Hal Meyers? Yeah, in my nightmares. You know, even in my nightmares he can't act."

In the background, Adrian can be heard counting under his breath as he walks about, phone in hand.

Sharona: "I liked him."

Gail: "I don't know, maybe I'm getting too picky in my old age." She waves her arm about. "How about you, you in love with anybody?"

Sharona (smiling): "Well... actually, I met somebody this morning. He's a journalist."

Gail: "Really?"

Sharona: "Yeah, from Australia."

Gail: "Uhh. Complete with accent?"

Sharona: "Oh yeah, uh huh. The full package. He's to die for."

Gail: "Oh... bring him by, I'd love to meet him!"

Benjy glances up, shakes his head, and returns to his magazine.

Sharona: "I'm sure you would..." When Gail looks away, Sharona glares at her. Meanwhile, Adrian's mutterings have begun to intrude on their conversation.

Gail: "What's he doing?"

Adrian: " Twelve hundred thirty seven, twelve hundred thirty eight, twelve hundred thirty nine..."

Sharona: "He's counting the bricks in the wall."

Gail: "Oh good, you know I've always been curious about that." She twirls her hand by her head in the classic 'is this guy nuts' gesture.

Sharona glances at her sister, sighs at the look she receives, and turns to her boss.

Sharona: "Adrian, don't tie up Gail's line."

Adrian looks down from the ceiling, taking the phone from his ear.

Adrian: "I'm on hold... waiting for Disher." His voice faintly pleading. Sharona gestures at Gail, shaking her head slightly, trying to subtly pass him a message. Adrian, taking silence as allowance, returns to his counting.

Adrian: "Twelve hundred... twelve hundred..." He squeezes his eyes shut. "Ah, CRAP!" Turning, he walks back to the other side of the room: "One, two, three, four..."

With Gail's attention diverted from Adrian, Sharona leans over the side of the couch to retrieve her bag. Gail eyes it instantly.

Gail: "Is that new?"

Sharona: "I got it a coupla weeks ago. My other one was way too big."

Gail leans over the couch, snatching something from the floor. It's the same bag.

Gail: "Check it out!"

Sharona: "When'd you get that?"

Gail: "Two months ago! Like you didn't know?"

Sharona: "What, y-you think I'd buy the same handbag on purpose?"

Gail raises her brows and begins digging through her bag.

Sharona: "Now why would I do that?"

Benjy tosses them another look.

Sharona: "What, you think I-I wanna be like you, like-like I'm obsessed with YOU?"

Gail: "Who moved to San Francisco first?"

Sharona (raising her hands in outrage): "Oh my... GOD! You BEGGED me to move up here!"

Benjy: "Hey, do I have to separate you two?"

Adrian: "Yes, yes Lieutenant, yes I'm here, I'm still here."

As Adrian walks past behind the two women, Gail puts her headphones on, effectively shutting out the present annoyances. Sharona shakes her head disgustedly and throws her bag to the floor.

Adrian: "Yes, I need her phone records. Every call from that house, and her cell phone for the last two weeks... right, right. And what about the background check? Really, really..."
 
 
 

Later that day, Gail sits alone on the couch with a giant bowl of ice cream. The phone rings, and she picks it up.

Gail: "Hello?"

Darryl: "Sharona."

Gail: "Oh, nope, this is her, uh, younger sister, Gail."

Darryl sits up on his bed: "Really. Hmm, you two sound so much alike... Do you look alike?"

Gail (smiling): "No, I'm the sexy one!"

Darryl: "Really!"

Gail: "Mhm! Hey, are you the Australian guy she met on the street?"

Darryl: "Ye... that would be me. Unless she met somebody else."

Gail takes another mouthful of ice cream.

Darryl: "What are you eating?"

Gail (not missing a beat): "Rice cakes. God, I hate this diet!"

Darryl: "Being the sexy sister's hard yakka?"

Gail: "It's a full time job."

Darryl: "Listen, is Sharona there?"

Gail: "You just missed her. She and her boss had some business at St. Claire's church."

Darryl's eyes narrow: "St. Claire's..."

Gail: "Yeah, you know, the one on Fulton Street."

Darryl looks pensive.
 
 

At the church, Christine Rutherford enters slowly, dressed in black. Adrian and Sharona watch as she takes a candle and lights it for her husband.

Adrian: "It's quite a performance."

Sharona: "Look, you don't know her. She and her husband practically saved this church. They're like saints!"

Adrian: "Your saint didn't pay for her candle."

As Sharona gives him a look, the two walk up to Christine.

Adrian: "Mrs. Rutherford..."

Christine (looking tearful): "Mr. Monk, Sharona... would you light a candle for my husband?"

Sharona: "I'd love to."

While she carries out the ceremony, Adrian turns to Christine.

Adrian: "Which husband? I understand that Henry was your... third."

Christine: "Excuse me."

She tries to walk past him, Adrian follows.

Adrian: "Mrs. Rutherford, in 1997, you and your second husband were indicted for mail fraud in Nevada."

Christine: "An indictment's not a conviction Mr. Monk."

Adrian: "A stirring defense. But Henry didn't know about your other marriages, did he?"

Christine: "Of course he did."

Adrian: "I saw the photographs in your house ma'am..."

A worker looks up and has them move aside from the construction area. Adrian glances down, then continues as they stop in front of the doors of the church.

Adrian: "You were married at the Sacred Cross Chapel in Chicago. Henry was a deacon there. And even if he wanted to, he couldn't have knowingly married a divorcee'."

Christine's mourning look drifts to a look of wary irritation. Sharona approached from behind.

Christine: "Ok, you got me. I kept a secret from my husband." She pushes past him to go out. Just as she is exiting, Darryl enters. They share a brief glance.

Darryl: "Oh, beg your pardon." His eyes fall on the two by the door. "Sharona."

Sharona smiles widely. Adrian looks uncomfortable.

Sharona: "What are you doing here?"

Darryl: "I called the number you gave me. Your sister told me where you were and, I was a couple blocks away so... as you do."

Sharona (still grinning): "Well it, it-it's great to see you... yeah." Adrian looks at her.

Darryl: "And you too!"

Sharona (with Adrian still watching): "Um, oh, I'm sorry. Um, Darryl Right, this is my boss, Adrian Monk."

Darryl (holding his hand out): "How do you do?"

They shake, and Sharona quickly digs out a wipe.

Sharona: "Darryl is a journalist from Australia. He's doing a story about the earthquake." She hands the wipe to Monk.

Darryl: "Um, speaking about the earthquake, you back in your apartment yet?"

Sharona: "Uh, no, not yet. They said maybe Monday."

Darryl: "Monday, right. So, uhh, who was the, was the widow?"

Sharona: "Christine Rutherford."

Darryl: "Now why does that name ring a bell?"

Adrian: "Her husband was worth about forty million dollars. And I think, she killed him. Excuse me." He walks out.

There is a beat of stunned silence, which Sharona quickly breaks.

Sharona: "Oh, he-he's a former detective and, you know, he gets a little paranoid so..."

They laugh.

Darryl: "Well, sounds like a much more interesting story than this earthquake I'm doing..."

They laugh some more, easing off the tension.

Darryl: "You can tell me all about it over dinner."

Sharona smiles in delight: "We're having dinner?"

Darryl: "Your sister invited me."

Sharona's smile drops off: "Gail?"

Darryl: "Yeah, is there a problem?"

Sharona: "Oh, no, no that's great! Fine, yeah."

At Gail's house that evening, Darryl brightly shares stories of his life in Australia while they eat dinner.

Darryl: "Four months in the outback, hundred and ten degrees in the shade, if you could find it, sleeping on the ground."

Benjy: "That musta been tough. What would you eat though?"

Darryl: "Well, we ate grubs, bugs, snakes... danger, danger, danger!"

At his Steve Irwin impersonation, Benjy raises both brows and smiles widely. Sharona also smiles. Meanwhile, Adrian struggles with his dinner, using a chopstick to wipe icky parts off a pea pod.

Darryl: "Anyway, finally got back. Got my messages, it's my editor. He's telling me he's changed his mind, he doesn't want me to go!"

Sharona turns to Adrian: "You know, Darryl was nominated for a Pulitzer."

Adrian: "Really..."

Darryl: "It was a story I wrote awhile back for the Sydney Morning Herald."

Gail: "Ooh, do you have a copy of it?"

Darryl: "Nah, not on me."

Adrian: "What was it about?"

Darryl: "It was about a bridge collapse, five people died."

Sharona: "Oh my God..."

Darryl: "Yeah, five people from all walks of life. There was a wealthy old woman, an orphan, a maid. You know, I wrote about each of them, who they were, how they touched the different people in their lives."

Gail: "Oh, I'd love to read it! You gotta send me a copy, you can't forget!"

Benjy: "This is fun! I wish there was an earthquake every week!"

Gail: "Don't say that Sugar beet! The earthquake killed three people!"

Benjy: "Not according to Mr. Monk, he thinks one of them was a murder!"

Darryl: "Yes, I've been meaning to ask you about that. How's the investigation going?"

Adrian: "Well, so far, just a hunch."

There is a moment of silence as the two men regard each other across the table. Darryl looks away first, then smiles when Benjy speaks.

Benjy: "Hey, can we play a game after?"

After dinner, Darryl, Gail, and Benjy sit on the couch in the living room while Sharona stands in their midst, parodying holding a microphone. Several voices yell out at once.

"Uh, song!"

"Song, song!"

Sharona waves her hands.

"Stop, stop!"

She places her folded hands over her heart.

"Stop, stop, stop for,"

"Bus stop, bus stop!"

Darryl: "Stop in the Name of Love!"

Sharona grins, pointing at Darryl. Her smile fades as Gail jumps up to sit by Darryl.

Gail: "Oh! How did you know that, I want you on my team!"

Sharona (pointing to the other couch): "I'm gonna sit over here."

At that moment, a smiling Adrian walks in, wiping a plate.

Adrian: "Excuse me, uh, where does this go?"

Gail: "Above the sink with all the others."

Adrian looks at the plate: "Well this one... ah, all the others are square. Should I just throw it away?"

Sharona: "No, no, just put it down, I'll take care of it later."

Adrian complies.

Sharona: "Adrian, why don't you join us?"

Darryl: "Yeah, come on, we're playing charades, it's fun!"

Gail: "Yeah, it'll be fun."

Adrian: "It's a game."

Sharona (sitting down next to him on the couch): "That's right, it's a game."

Darryl: "Benjy, it's my turn, you take it. Off you go!"

Benjy jumps up from his seat by Adrian: "Ok, thanks!"

Darryl (clapping): "Fast game's a good game!"

Benjy begins moving his hand in a rotating motion by his face.

"Movie, movie!"

Adrian: "Spiderman."

Everyone's eyes look at him. Downcast, Benjy lowers his hands: "He's right."

Adrian: "Well... he's seen the- he's seen the movie twenty times and, he was just reading the comic so I figured..."

Benjy whaps Adrian lightly in the back of the head with a throw pillow.

Sharona: "He's eleven years old, let him have fun."

Adrian smiles and nods. Sharona pats his back.

Gail: "Ok, I'll go!" She does the movie signal again.

"Movie..."

"Movie!"

"Six- six words!"

Adrian: "The Man who came to Dinner."

Gail: "How did you know that?"

Adrian (twisting his dishrag): "It was a movie about a houseguest who wouldn't leave. Six words, you were looking at... me..."

Sharona: "Ok, Darryl, why don't you go next?"

Darryl: "Ok, I got one!"

Sharona: "Ok, now, instead of playing charades, we're playing let's stump Monk!" She laughs loudly in his face and pats his back.

Gail: "Yeah, stump Monk!"

Darryl stands, then opens his hands, palms up.

"Book..."

"It's a book!"

Adrian: "The Bridge at San Louis Raye."

Gail: "Is he right?"

Sharona: "Of course he's right."

The looks sent Adrian's way are anything but friendly.

Sharona: "You know, why don't we watch TV?"

Benjy: "Uh, you said I'm not allowed to watch TV."

Sharona: "Well, I changed my mind- turn it on."

She hands Benjy the remote. Then she stands, pauses to glare at Adrian, then walks out of the room.

Later, Adrian wipes down the cabinets in the kitchen with a bottle of spray and a towel. He probably needs to escape from the group as much as they need to escape from him.

Sharona stands in the kitchen with him.

Sharona: "How'd you know the name of the book?"

Adrian: "The little story he told at dinner about the bridge collapsing? It was a novel, from the twenties, called The Bridge at San Louis Raye."

Sharona turns to face him, her arms loaded with a tray holding coffee and cups.

Sharona: "Don't do this. Every time I like somebody, you ruin it."

Adrian turns and watches her walk away. In the living room, Gail and Darryl sit close to each other on the couch watching TV. Benjy sits on the floor. Sharona sets the coffee on the end table. Darryl smiles, and Sharona squeezes in on his other side, forcing an unhappy Gail to slide down.

Sharona: "Um, I wasn't sure how you took it."

Darryl: "Light and sweet, thanks."

He looks at the two women on either side, then shifts his shoulders, confined. His cell phone rings.

Darryl: "Excuse me, hello? Yeah, I know, I know." He places a hand over the receiver and turns to Sharona. "My editor."

Actually, it's Christine Rutherford.

Christine: "Did you get into her place yet?"

Darryl: "I'm working on it. I'm aware of the deadline, and I know it's important."

Christine: "You said you'd have it by tonight!"

Darryl: "Look mate, the sooner I'm off this phone, the sooner I can get back to work... correct. Bye, bye."

While Sharona is pouring coffee, Gail reaches over and rubs Darryl's leg.

Sharona: "Here you go."

Darryl: "Ah, thank you, you are an angel."

Gail shifts gruffly, running her fingers through her hair.

Sharona returns to the kitchen. Adrian is waiting, and returns to their conversation as though they never stopped.

Adrian: "And there's no way he could have been nominated for a Pulitzer."

Sharona: "Maybe he's a good writer."

Adrian: "It's not that. The Pulitzer is only for American journalism. He said that story was published in Australia!"

Sharona gets the cream, then walks behind Adrian.

Sharona: "So what! Maybe he's trying to impress me. Maybe, he likes me!" She exhales as Adrian turns to look at her, his face tight.

Sharona: "God! You're scaring him away, Gail's trying to SEDUCE him, and I'm stuck in the middle as usual!"

In the living room, Gail and Benjy watch 'Tobar the Great' on TV. Darryl walks toward the hallway.

Darryl: "Gail, where's the bathroom?"

Gail: "First door on the left."

Darryl makes a pretense of walking down the hall. Then, while no one is looking, reaches into a handbag and lifts a set of keys.

Back in the kitchen, Adrian and Sharona are still arguing.

Adrian: "All I'm saying, is there is something about that guy, be careful."

Sharona: "No, no, no! You be careful! I am sick and tired of being careful!"

She turns and walks out again. Adrian watches her, then turns, frustrated, back to cleaning the shelves.

Later that night, Darryl walks down the sidewalk to Sharona's house. He approaches the back door and tries the key. There is a keypad below the lock.

Darryl: "Son of a bitch!" He tries to shoulder the door open. A voice stops him. It's a construction worker.

Worker: "Excuse me, ah, this building's off limits."

Darryl: "Yeah, yeah I know. I'm, ah, I'm with the phone company."

Worker: "I was told we had this block to ourselves. Do you have a work order?"

Darryl: "Yeah, sure, sure it's, ah... You know what, I musta left it in my truck."

Worker: "I didn't see any truck. Look, wait right here. I'm gonna have to call this in."

While the worker turns away, Darryl reaches into an open toolbox and pulls out a cutting tool. Swiftly, he turns and grabs the worker, placing a hand over his mouth. With barely a pause, he plunges the tool into the man's heart. The man dies instantly.

Darryl: "I'm afraid I can't let you do that."
The next morning, Stottlemeyer and Disher stand outside in an alleyway. The body of the construction worker rests at their feet.

Stottlemeyer: "You got a name?"

Disher: "Yep, David Bushner, age forty-four. He was a gas company tech... stabbed, one in the chest- he went missing late last night. Phone company crew just found him."

While Disher is talking, Stottlemeyer looks around the scene, taking in the activity.

Stottlemeyer: "Where's his truck?"

Disher: "It's, uh, parked up on Downey, where he left it. We don't know if this was the murder scene, or if he was dumped here."

Stottlemeyer: "No, he was killed somewhere else."

Disher: "Are you sure?"

Stottlemeyer: "Yeah. Body's on an incline, head down. Look at the bloodstain on his chest. Blood doesn't flow uphill. At least, not in my experience."

They begin to walk from the scene.

Stottlemeyer: "When was the last time he was seen upright?"

Disher checks his notes.

Disher: "Uhh, according to his log, the last gas line he inspected was, ah, 304 Downey Road, 10:00 last night."

Stottlemeyer: "304 Downey? That's two doors down from Sharona's."
 
 

Back at Gail's house, Benjy turns on the faucet, only to see a gout of brown liquid.

Benjy: "The water's all rusty."

Gail (preparing food): "Oh, it gets like that after every earthquake. But I always keep some mineral water on hand, just for emergencies." She stoops down and opens a cupboard, only to find it completely empty. "Hmm, where's all my water?"
 
 

Moments later, Gail is knocking at the bathroom door.

Gail: "Mr. Monk... Mr. Monk, are you in there?"

Adrian turns his head.

Adrian: "Don't come in, I'm taking a bath." Around him sit dozens of empty water bottles. He looks very comfortable.

Gail: "Are you taking a bath in mineral water?"

Adrian: "Uh- the tap water was a little rusty."

Benjy is grinning by this point.

Gail: "Well enjoy it because that bath is costing me ninety five dollars!"

Adrian: "Kay... thank you."
 
 
 

Meanwhile, in another part of town, Sharona and Darryl have drinks at a small bar.

Sharona: "He can tell, what you're thinking, just by how you're sitting in your chair."

Darryl: "Wow! I should write about him!"

Sharona (smiling): "You should! Nobody will believe it!" She laughs gently, looking through her lashes at Darryl. "You'd have to put it in the science fiction section." She lifts her martini, feeling a little tipsy. While she sips, Darryl subtly motions to the waitress to bring another drink for her.

Darryl: "So... what about you?"

Sharona: "What about me?"
 
 
 

Back at Gail's, Disher raises his hand and rings the bell. Gail answers, then preens at the sight of Disher.

Gail: "Ohh! Hi! Can I, um, can I help you?"

Disher: "Good afternoon. I'm Lt. Disher, San Francisco police. I need to speak to Adrian Monk."

Gail flips her hair: "Oh, uh, he's in the bathroom right now, wash- washing up."

Disher: "That would be Monk."

They exchange a short glance. Then Disher lifts a manila envelope.

Disher: "I need to make sure that he gets these, it's very important."

Gail: "Ah, sure. Are you, um, are you really a cop?"

Disher flips out his badge.

Disher: "Yes, I am."

Gail takes the hand holding the badge, pulling him close and stroking his fingers while she examines the picture.

Gail: "Oh, wow, look at that! Nice picture! Why'd you get rid of the mustache?"

Disher: "My Captain has a mustache. I shaved mine off so that people could tell us apart." He pauses, looking at Gail. "Sharona never told me she had a sister."

Gail: "Younger. How long have you known her for?"

Disher: "Four years now."

Gail: "Really... and she never mentioned me at all?"

Disher: "Well, she's obviously a little jealous."

Gail laughs: "Exactly! Say, Copper', you like Italian food?"

Disher nearly blushes at her flirting.

Disher: "Yeah!"

Gail motions for him to enter her house, stripping off her light shirt as she walks inside. Disher eagerly follows.

Gail: "Ohhh, it's hot!"

She walks to the stove in her sleeveless pink undershirt.

Disher pauses by the chair where she threw her other shirt, looking at it nervously while Gail stirs her pasta sauce.

Gail: "You know, I dated a cop once! I still have his handcuffs on my bedpost."

Disher: "Well, then I should inform you, you are still in possession of stolen property. I might have to take you down to the station."

He leans on the counter, trying to look suave. Gail looks over her shoulder at him.

Gail: "Really? I might not mind that!"

She swivels around, bending way over the stove to taste her cooking, giving Disher a good look at her derriere. Disher stares.

Gail: "Mmmm! Here, try this!" She shoves a loaded wooden spoon at him, forcing him to taste it, or get a face-full of tomato sauce. Both happen.

Gail: "Too spicy?"

Disher: "No! It's perfect!"

Gail: "Ohh, perfect!" She laughs, returning to the stove while Disher wipes his mouth.

Disher: "Uh, so, uh, what's it like having Adrian Monk as a houseguest?"

Gail: "Well, a few years ago, a squirrel got into the house- and I could hear it running through the attic and the walls. Took me two months to get rid of it- drove me crazy." She stirs the sauce some more.

Disher: "And?"

Gail: "It's like that. So are you, um, you gonna wait for him?"

Disher (pausing a moment): "Monk... no, I can't" Gail looks disappointed. "If he's washing up, he could still be another two or three hours. I should, ah... could you make sure that he gets this?" He holds out the envelope, Gail takes it.

Gail: "Oh, of course."

Disher: "Thanks for the, uh, the sauce." Gail smiles sadly.
 
 
 

At the bar, Sharona is beginning to blink heavily.

Darryl: "Now, what do you do when you're not working?"

Sharona: "Oh, I don't know." A waitress gives her another drink.

Sharona and Darryl both thank her. Sharona giggles as she lifts the new drink.

Sharona: "One more..." She sips thoughtfully. "It never comes up. I'm on call twenty four seven."

Darryl: "That's terrible. I mean, you don't ever feel the need to cut loose, do something crazy?"

Sharona munches her olive, smiling slyly.

Sharona: "Like what?"

Darryl: "Dance, with me, here, in the afternoon."

Sharona tilts her head, smiling: "I'm a good dancer."

Darryl: "I bet you are, come on."

Sharona: "Why not?"

Sharona stands with Darryl, stumbling slightly as she gains her footing. She looks at the other bar patrons.

Sharona: "I'm fine, I'm fine!" She leads Darryl to a cleared out area, where they start to slow dance.

Darryl: "I love you."

Sharona: "You what?"

Darryl: "Your apartment's... two blocks from here?"

Sharona (looking up at his face): "umm, we can't get in, it's blocked off."

She smiles: "You know what they say, good things come to those who wait."

Darryl leans forward: "Well, I can't wait. We could just, sneak in..."

Sharona (breathing out): "It's too dangerous."

Darryl: "That's what makes it so... exciting!"

He leans his forehead against hers.

Sharona (casting about for words): "... You sure?"

Darryl: "Oh yeah, I'm sure."

Sharona steps back suddenly, covering her face.

Darryl: "What?"

Sharona: "I just remembered. I promised Gail I'd be home by two-thirty."

Darryl: "We got plenty of time." He smiles.
 
 
 

At Gail's house, Gail sits at the dining room table. Adrian walks in, slipping into his jacket and shaking water from his ear.

Adrian: "You have any Q-tips?"

Gail stands, walking to the closet: "Oh, um, Lt. Disher stopped by."

Adrian: "He did?"

Gail: "Yeah, you know, he's kind of cute. I've got a thing for cops."

Adrian: "Yes, I know. That's why you and I get along so swimmingly."

Gail smiles tightly, returning with a box of Q-tips. She holds them out to Adrian, who looks at them with distaste.

Adrian: "Do you have any white ones?"

Gail: "What's the difference?"

Adrian: "These are blue... I'll wait for Sharona."

Gail: "Anyhoozle... he dropped this off, some phone records you wanted." She passes the envelope to Adrian, who immediately opens it.

Adrian: "Uhm."

Gail: "Oh, and get this. They found a body near Holbrook Park. A gas company repairman. Lt. Disher said, uh, they think he was killed near Sharona's house."

Adrian turns to her, his brow furrowed in surprise.

Adrian: "What?"

Gail: "He said it was probably no big deal, but the Captain wanted you to know."

Meanwhile, Adrian has pulled the phone records from the envelope.

Adrian: "This is strange."
 
 
 

At the bar:

Sharona walks over from the back, cell in hand, while Darryl pays the bill.

Sharona: "Darryl. The phone lines are working!"

Darryl: "Really."

Sharona: "Yeah, I can finally check my messages!"

She walks away, tapping at her phone. While her back is turned, Darryl slides a knife from a plate and hides it in his pocket.
 
 
 

At Gail's:

Adrian (reading the records): "There was a call from the Rutherford house, to Sharona's, at 8:41 yesterday morning. That's just before the earthquake hit." Gail listens while digging through her bag.

Gail: "They were probably talking about the fundraiser."

Adrian: "Then there was another call to Sharona's, again, at 8:45- right, right after the quake." He sits at the table. "She called Sharona's house, before she called 911?"

Gail (still digging): "Maybe she panicked, maybe she hit redial... Damn, where are my keys? I could have swore I put them in my bag!"

Adrian focuses on her handbag, standing abruptly.

Adrian: "Your bag... It looks just like Sharona's bag."

Gail: "So?"

Adrian runs to the hall, then pauses, his face pinched with concentration and worry.

Adrian: "He said, who's the widow..."

Gail: "Who did?"

Adrian: "Darryl, when- when he saw Christine Rutherford at the church- he said, who's the widow? She could have been mourning her father, or a child..."

Gail: "Maybe he recognized her from TV?"

Adrian: "No, no, no- he said, who's the widow... He knows her..."

Slowly dawning panic slips across his face.

Adrian: "Oh my God, Sharona!"
 
 
 
 

At the bar:

Sharona stands with her cell to her ear.

Sharona: "Oh my God!"

Darryl: "What is it?"

Sharona: "It's Henry Rutherford." She taps the buttons, rewinding to the message. "Listen." She hands Darryl the phone.

Recording: "Sharona, this is Henry Rutherford. I just spoke to the caterer and, oh my God, it's an earthquake!" Darryl hits a button, advancing the message.

Recording: "Christine, what are you... no, nooo!" There is a crunching sound.

Darryl lowers the cell. Sharona takes it, horrified.

Sharona: "I gotta call Adrian..." She gasps as Darryl presses the knife to her throat.

Darryl: "I think, we're going to go by your apartment after all. Move." He wraps an arm around her shoulders and escorts her from the bar.
 
 

A short while later, Sharona and Darryl drive to her house, Sharona at the wheel. Darryl sits at her side, teasing at her throat with the knife.

Darryl (on Sharona's cell): "We're coming up to her place now."

Darryl hangs up, tossing the phone into the backseat. He proceeds to slide the knife around Sharona's throat, teasing and tapping at her while he speaks.

Darryl: "I've been trying to get that idiotic tape from your machine for two days."

He glances up as a police cruiser goes by.

Darryl (watching): "Don't park here, go around the block."

Sharona, face stiff and angry, does as he orders.
 
 
 

At Gail's, Adrian stands holding the phone, his expression fearful.

Adrian: "Captain Stottlemeyer please, it's Adrian Monk! Tell him it's very important!"

No sooner are the words out of his mouth than the house begins shaking violently. He and Gail both grab for the table to steady themselves. The rolling only lasts a few moments. When it ends, Adrian tilts his head down, squeezing his eyes shut for a second.

Gail: "Are you alright?" Adrian nods, breathing out.

Gail: "How bout that, my mother was right, an aftershock! Can you believe it..."
 
 
 

At the police station, Stottlemeyer leans against the door, arm folded, while Disher continues to battle the sprinkler.

Stottlemeyer: "Lt., either fix that pipe, or buy everybody an umbrella."

An officer passes Disher a note. He scans it quickly.

Disher: "Yes sir. Can you take line two sir? It's Monk." He crumples the note while Stottlemeyer goes for the phone.

Stottlemeyer: "Better be good."
 
 

Adrian: "Dro glori'ior en us' dro von un glor'n sketer."

Stottlemeyer (eyes widening): "What?"

Adrian: "Dro glori'ior en us' dro von un glor'n sketer!"

Stottlemeyer: "Wait, no wait... M-Monk... Slow down, try it again."

Adrian: "Von zo robus she dos mosk." Here, he flashes on Christine dropping the wall unit on her husband. "Um wullie mar teck." Christine picks up the dropped phone. "Per block ingar! Tir block ingar hol joc wheez!" Christine hits redial, getting Sharona's answering machine. "Toutimas szlock tru t' zhahdheek." Christine writes Sharona's name on a piece of paper and hands it to Darryl. "Bavula frime bu vula blen. Grula pech han stripen. Grula pech han stripen!"

Gail (grabbing some paper): "Why don't you write it down?"

Stottlemeyer: "That's a great idea, write it down."

Gail takes the phone: "Well, he's writing it down..."

As soon as he finishes, Adrian dashes from the room.

Gail: "It's- it says, uh, Grula la pach, han strypen!"

Stottlemeyer: "Look, tell Monk that I'm gonna send a squad car, ok?"

Gail: "Well, no, he's- he's already gone!"

Stottlemeyer: "He's gone. Wadda you mean he's gone?"

Gail: "Captain, I think Sharona's in trouble!"

Stottlemeyer's eyes widen. Lowering the phone, he turns to Disher.

Stottlemeyer: "Lt., get the car!"
 
 
 
 

Outside, Adrian rushes to the street and flags down a taxi.

Adrian (waving madly): "Cracka!"

A yellow cab haltingly pulls to a stop. Adrian jumps inside.
 
 
 

At her home, Darryl forces Sharona to her door.

Darryl: "I was trying to avoid all this. I wanted to get to the answering machine before you heard that message."

At that moment, Christine approaches from the stairs.

Christine: "Darryl..."

Darryl: "Honey, what are you doing here? I told you, I'd take care of it."

Sharona: "You heartless BITCH!" She shoves at Darryl, who pushes her back.

Darryl: "Open the bloody door!"
 
 
 

At the same time, Adrian's cab rolls down the street.

Adrian: "Cheych quf, urly on juli haham."

Cabbie: "How, hold on, hold on... W-what the hell is that, Korean?"

Adrian's face is panicked, he tries again.

Adrian: "Deje frosh coma dime!"

Cabbie: "Chinese?"

Adrian stares out the front of the cab while the cabbie studies him in the rearview mirror.

Adrian sits forward and waves his hand to the side.

Adrian: "Vin ro trowl! Vin ro trowl!"

Cabbie: "Turn here? You want me to turn here? Is that what you're saying?"

Adrian: "Vdi brosh coma dime."

The cabbie starts talking to himself.

Cabbie: "They come over here and take our welfare..."

Adrian: "Vin ro trowl!"

Cabbie: "... take our food stamps..."

Adrian: "Vin ro trowl!"

Cabbie: "... don't learn our damn language..."

Adrian: "Vin ro trowl!" "Vin ro trowl!"
 
 
 
 

At Sharona's house, Darryl shoves her inside, followed by Christine.

Darryl: "Inside."

Sharona looks around slowly, then up. The ceiling is falling apart. Large cracks criss-cross each other; and in some areas, whole sections of plaster are gone.

Sharona: "Oh my God..."

Darryl immediately rushes for her answering machine while Christine pulls her gun.

Darryl: "Where's the tape... Where's the tape!"

Sharona (angry): "It's digital!"

Christine: "Just take the whole thing!"

Darryl tears the cords free from the machine while Christine keeps Sharona back with her gun.

Darryl: "Now, what are we gonna do with you?"

Sharona looks on fearfully.

Christine (pushing the gun at Darryl): "We've got no choice. Come on, Darryl, do it! I've come too far to stop now!"

Darryl sighs, taking the gun. Sharona looks around for something, anything. She looks up at the ceiling.

Darryl: "Here?"

Christine: "Yeah, here, why not?"

Darryl: "Cause blood is gonna go everywhere!"

Christine: "Who's gonna see blood in this mess?"

Darryl turns from Sharona to Christine, eyes angry.

Darryl: "Monk will, Monk notices everything! He's a damn freak!"

Christine: "Look, just take her out..."

At that moment, Sharona jumps, catching hold of her ceiling light. Her weight drags the rest of the ceiling down on Christine, Darryl, and herself.
 
 
 
 

The cab pulls up outside, Adrian jumps from it, kicking the door shut behind him. He runs toward Sharona's. The cabbie leans out and yells.

Cabbie: "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!"

Adrian turns back, agitated, and grabs his wallet, yanking out several bills. He passes them to the cabbie without counting them.

Adrian: "Keep the change!" He turns and races back toward the building.

Cabbie: "So! You CAN talk! Bilingual sons of bitches!"
 
 
 
 

Inside, Sharona unsteadily pulls herself to her feet. Large chunks of ceiling slide off her body. She coughs at the dust in the air, then screams as Darryl comes up behind her, grabbing her shoulders roughly and spinning her around.

Darryl: "Where are you going?"

He smiles. Sharona screams again, and Darryl backhands her sharply, knocking her against the wall, where she slides to the floor.

That same moment, Adrian bursts inside. He sees what is happening, and launches himself at Darryl as the other man grabs for Sharona. Adrian wraps his arms around Darryl's arms, pinning them to his sides. His face goes from fearful to furious. Darryl pulls himself free by slamming an elbow into Adrian's gut. Adrian gasps out painfully, and is unable to stop Darryl from getting away. Darryl then grabs Adrian by the shoulder and punches him. Adrian stumbles back, hitting the floor hard.

Angrily, Darryl turns back to Sharona, who is just gaining her feet. He shoves her to the bed.

Sharona: "Oh God!"

Darryl smiles, pulling his knife. Sharona stares up at him in terror.
 
 
 

Outside, the police cruiser flies up, grinding to a stop. Stottlemeyer jumps out and runs inside.

Upstairs, Darryl lunges at Sharona, who screams and kicks at him with her feet, knocking him away just as Stottlemeyer arrives. The Captain grabs Darryl's knife hand, forcing Darryl to drop his weapon. He then wraps an arm around Darryl's throat, while pinning his hands behind his back.

Darryl: "Son of a bitch!"

Stottlemeyer: "I'm surprised you can talk with a broken jaw."

Darryl: "I don't have a broken jaw..."

Stottlemeyer spins him around, smashing his fist into Darryl's jaw, knocking him flat.

Sharona pushes past, rushing to Adrian's side.

Sharona: "Adrian!"

She kneels down beside him. He lays on the floor on his stomach, vainly trying to wipe up the clutter with his hand. Sharona lays one hand on his back and another on his arm, rubbing him gently.

Sharona: "Adrian, are you ok? It's all over."

Adrian glances up briefly, then resumes wiping: "I'm gonna need a broom."

A few days later.

Adrian and Sharona enter his apartment. It is immaculate. Pictures are returned to the walls, glass replaced. Everything is back where it belongs. Sharona stares around, amazed. She rubs her hands on Adrian's back.

Sharona: "Oh my God! It looks great! Back to normal!"

Adrian: "I-I had a cleaning crew take care of it. Insurance company paid for most of it." He touches the CDs on his shelf while Sharona looks around, smiling.

Sharona: "Oh, ooh! I almost forgot! Here's the note you wrote. Now do you believe me?"

Adrian takes the paper, looking at it with bemusement.

Adrian: " Grula pach, han strypen?" He shakes his head. "Did I really write this? Unbelievable."

Sharona looks down, her face growing serious.

Sharona: "Uh, Adrian, listen. Now that you're home, there's something we have to talk about."

Adrian's face fills with mild panic: "Uh oh..." He turns around, fiddling with his CDs again.

Sharona: "I haven't been paid since the earthquake."

Adrian: "Are you sure?"

Sharona: "Yeah, it's been three weeks!" She digs in his desk drawer.

Sharona: "Hm? Here's your checkbook."

She hands him the slim folded leather.

Adrian looks at her, his eyes growing confused.

Adrian: "Dinga bogga, wagga shagga?" He shrugs twice, haltingly.

Sharona stares at him unblinkingly.

Sharona: "That's not funny."

Adrian: "Brogga wog, chaga rog... wagga shorg."

Sharona waves her hand: "Kay, will you stop it? You owe me money!"

Adrian remains serious, walking to the other room.

Adrian: "Suru, wrogger, wroggi shog."

Sharona, irritated: "I know you're faking it!"

Adrian: "Not faking it!"

Sharona's mouth drops open: "You just spoke English!"

Adrian (voice fading): "Wog shoggle woggle... Doro Goro."

Sharona rolls her eyes, sighing heavily.

-End

*credits*