JOAN OF ARCADIA
2X18: SECRET SERVICE
Original Airdate on CBS: 03/04/05
Written by Joy Gregory & Lindsay Sturman
Directed
by Michael Fresco
Posted on TWIZ TV.COM. Transcribed for Mysterious Messages
[Please DO NOT post this transcript elsewhere without PERMISSION from the transcriptionist]
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"Joan Of Arcadia" and other related entities are owned, (TM) and © by Barbara Hall Productions and CBS Productions in association with Sony Pictures Television. All Rights Reserved. This transcript was made without their permission, approval, authorization or endorsement. For Fair Use, for Entertainment and for Educational Purposes Only.
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Secret Service begins with Joan and Adam walking down the
street, they turn into the school parking lot.
Joan - We were climbing this huge
cliff, I should have been terrified, only in the dream, I
was a total pro, and then this huge boulder came loose and I
had to swing us both out of the way just in time. And then I
turned into a bird and you were a dog. You still had your
hoodie on. What do you think that all means? (Adam doesn't
answer) Earth to planet Rove.
Adam - Oh, I'm sorry. I'm kind of wiped. I pulled an
all-nighter finishing that English paper.
Joan - Oh, crap. Is that due today?
Adam - No, no. I just had to finish mine early since I have
the interview at R.I.S.D on Saturday morning.
Joan - "R.I.S.D"? That sounds like a pirate disease.
Adam - No. Rhode Island school of design. It's one of the
best art schools in the country.
Joan - How come you didn't tell me?
Adam - I figured it'd be boring.
Joan - No way. We could walk a whole state in a couple of
hours.
Adam - You really think your mom would let you spend another
night alone with me? Look, I wanted to drop off that paper
before physics so I'll see you there, ok?
Joan - Bye.
Joan takes two steps and is
approached by Goth God.
God - Hello, Joan.
Joan - Oh. So, you're god. Why don't you tell me why I
turned Adam into a dog. Is it because he's faithful and
loyal or because he just ran off?
God - Sometimes a dog is just a dog.
Some kids run by and almost
bump into Joan.
Joan - Could you exert a little
control over your creations?
God - Flocks of birds, packs of dogs, you know, people, once
they gather, things happen. I don't interfere. It's part of
the rules.
The kids are throwing eggs at a
car.
Joan - Oh, my god. Look at
that. That's Price's car.
Kids - Yes. Oh! Ha ha ha!
They run by and throw the empty
egg carton at the trash can but miss. Joan laughs.
God - That's a mess. Someone
could slip and get hurt.
Joan - I get it.
She bends down to pick up the
egg carton and as she is there ....
Price - Joan Girardi!
Joan - Mr. Price, I-- this is not what it looks like.
Flash to inside. Joan is
sitting at Price's Desk.
Price - Now, now, ms. Girardi.
Do you honestly expect me to believe that you were suddenly
overwhelmed by your civic duty to clean our campus?
Joan - Somebody could have slipped. I probably saved you
from a lawsuit.
Price - Let's cut the charade, shall we? You were caught
with the evidence. Therefore, according to Darwin, you and
not the faster gazelles in the herd shall be punished for
damaging my personal property.
Joan - Mr. Price, I--
Price - which, I happen to know from the last time, cost
$220.
Joan - But Mr. Price, I didn't do anything.
Price - The school district is having a weekend of mandatory
community service for other brain-dead delinquents. You'll
be right at home. I'll meet you at 6 A.M. Saturday morning
outside the oak street community center. Oh, wait, I won't
be there. I'll be in bed. Wear your painting clothes.
Joan takes her detention slip
and looks very annoyed. We cut to opening credits.
We return to find Adam and
Helen in the art room.
Helen - It's wonderful. It's
really powerful work.
Adam - Thanks. I wasn't sure about the lines.
Helen - No. They're strong. It's... terrific.
Adam - Thanks.
Helen goes to her desk.
Helen - Adam, I-- I was
wondering, um... it's a piece I've been working on. I could
use some input.
Adam - You really want my opinion?
Helen - I do.
Adam - Ok. It's kind of like those Byzantine mosaics you
were showing us, right?
Helen - Yeah?
Adam - Yeah.
Helen - You got that?
Adam - Yeah. Maybe if you're going for that, I really like
how Byzantine stuff looks flat, you know?
Helen - Yeah, yeah.
Adam - So, I mean, you know, maybe if you want, you can take
out the shading...
Helen - oh, yeah.
Price - Mr. Rove, perhaps you could tutor someone else. I'd
like to talk to Mrs. Girardi.
Adam - Sure.
Price - Glad to see you empowering the students. Missed you
at the budget meeting.
Helen - I had some conferences.
Price - Yes. I see. Thought I'd rip the band-aid off in
person.
Helen - You are cutting my art budget? It's the middle of
the year.
Price - Limited funding. That's how it works.
Helen - How can I continue what I'm doing on less money?
Price - Oh, it's a gut course, Helen. Draw a bunny, get
credit.
Helen - I have gifted students, Mr. Price.
Price - Your enrollment has dropped. The board just doesn't
feel that your class is a priority.
Helen - Art is not a priority?
Price - See this as an opportunity to look inside yourself,
take some inventory.
Cut to the AP
physics class. They are all listening to Lischak who is
walking the class as usual.
Lishcak - This last one was a
review question, which means it should have been a cakewalk
for you, my little brainiacs.
Friedman - First Judith, then Stevie. I just need to know if
it's significant that every girl I kiss either dies or turns
out to have been kidnapped at birth.
Luke - I'll concede, it's an unfortunate string of events.
Friedman - How's a person supposed to get past something
like this?
Lischak - The hawking results are in.
Glynis - You can't take it personally.
Friedman - Shh! Award time!
Lischak - ...Scientific independent study by--
Joan - Hi. Sorry I'm late. I had a meeting with Mr. Price.
Friedman - Not interested, Joan. Award time.
She shoves him as she goes to
take her seat.
Adam - What happened?
Joan - [Sighs] After you left, I ran into someone who framed
me, so now I have to do a stupid weekend of community
service. So...no Rhode Island.
Adam - Oh, man. That sucks.
Joan - Unless I come up late. If I'm done by 5:00, I could
take the train.
Adam - No. It's just going to be too crazy, ok? I might be
auditing a class.
Lischak - Each year, science students from around the
country compete for the coveted hawking award.
Glynis - Ooh! I'm so excited. Dinner at don Thornberry's.
Luke - With professor Lambert. An entire evening of string
theory and prime rib.
Lischak - I am pleased to announce that we have 2 winners in
our class this year.
Glynis - Only two? Oh, my.
Lischak - [Taps drum roll] And this year's hawking award
goes to... Mr. Friedman and Ms. Figliola for their work on
velocity of atoms!
Friedman - I knew it!
Lischak - Congratulations.
Luke - Genius goes unrecognized. What else is new? Come on.
Luke - But my entry proved the possibility of a string force
field positing an energy of 10 to the 19th power volts. This
is a steak-worthy discovery.
Grace - You're talking about the opinion of a bunch of
pinheads at arcadia college.
Glynis - And Don Thornberry himself. I heard he was an
honorary judge.
Grace - What does he know about physics? He runs a steak
joint at the airport.
Friedman - Dude, don't worry. I'll bring you a doggie bag.
Outside, Adam and Joan are
walking.
Joan - Am I crazy or do you not
want me to go with you?
Adam - What? No! It'd be awesome. It's just--it's-- it's
overnight, you know?
Joan - I know the whole concert trip was a disaster, but
this is different. This is visiting a school.
Adam - I know, I know, but hey, hey, listen. Look. Listen.
[Sighs] It's hard for me... ok? It's... us being in a room,
alone... overnight.
Joan - Oh. Ok? So I'll just... I'll go to this thing and
we'll hang out on Sunday.
Adam - Ok.
They kiss almost just out of
habit now and then we go to dinner with the Girardi family.
Joan - I didn't do it!
Kevin - Can you keep it down?
Helen - Do you have any idea how this makes me look? The
same day price practically vaporizes me, you egg his car.
Joan - I was framed!
Kevin - I can't hear the popping.
Helen - You were holding a carton of eggs.
Joan - Yes! Which someone basically stuck in my hands. What
was I supposed to do?
Helen - Who would do that?
Kevin - Mom, it's high school. Who wouldn't do that?
Joan - Yeah! See? Even Kevin believes me.
Helen - Well, if you did it, part of me would understand.
He's a filthy little cockroach.
Kevin - Nice!
Will - I'm Home
Helen - I didn't say that.
Will - I thought you had to be at the bookstore.
Joan - I'm just leaving. I had to finish fighting with mom.
(She kisses Helen on the cheek) Thanks.
Helen - Hey, hey. Take some dinner. Popcorn's not a meal.
Kevin - Show's over. I'm gonna go watch a movie.
Will - Do you ever go out anymore?
Kevin - I signed up for netflix and they just keep comin'.
Will - You and Joan, that was a fight?
Helen - We decided to unite against a common enemy. Price
accused her of egging his car and gave her community service
painting.
Joan - (Shouting from off screen) I didn't do it!
Will - Are we buying that?
Helen - Why not? I'll tell you, if I'd been there, I might
have lobbed a few eggs myself.
Will - Rough day?
Helen - Hey, who gives community service for egging a car?
She's supposed to be writing a paper this weekend.
Will - She should take my paint sprayer. Save time. I did
the whole garage in a weekend.
Helen - And half the lawn.
Will - I was still learning how to use it. I think the
nozzle's in here. Oh! Decent rollers. They'll just give her
those cheapies.
Helen - It's community service, Will, not this old house.
Will - Hey, my tool box! You said it was lost.
Helen - I don't remember that.
Will - Finally I can fix that door.
Helen - Heh heh heh!
She laughs but its more of a please god don't let him
fix the door kind of laugh. We go to Joan at the book store.
Big Tough Guy God from Book of Questions is reading a book.
God - Hey there, Joanie. You
got a kleenex? Sydney carton is about to be executed. It's
so unfair. But he displays such courage.
Joan - How's he gonna die? God shove eggs in his hands, too?
God - [Sighs] You suffered an injustice. It happens every
day, all over the world. Now you can let it crush you or you
can rise above it. Then, who knows what could happen? Do you
remember reading this?
Joan - A tale of two cities? Ninth grade snorefest.
God - Come on! The ending! Carton stands before the
guillotine, ready to sacrifice his life to save others,
looks at the crowd screaming for his blood--
[Sniffles] And says, "'tis a far, far better thing I do than
I have ever done." Gets to me every time.
Joan - I know. Ahem! So, uh... what are they gonna do? Write
a book about me doing community service or I get my head
lopped off?
God - Things are already happening, Joan.
Joan - What?
God - Just accept the sacrifice. And, uh... gift wrap this
for me, would you?
He hands her the book and we go
to our next commercial break.
The next morning, Joan is
getting ready for her first day of painting. it is early.
5am or so. Luke is sitting at the island, he has some
vampire teeth that he puts into his mouth.
Joan - Luke, what are you doing
up? The roosters are still asleep.
Luke - I was wondering how it's possible that the world is
this unfair.
Joan - Hmm. Trust me. It's possible.
Luke - They did a simple equation, while I dug deep into the
inner reaches of physics' primary quandary and pulled out a
surprising answer and what do I get?
Joan - Bitch-slapped by life?
Luke - And Friedman eating my ribeye.
Joan - Oh, come on. Look at the bright side. You got a
prize.
Luke - Vampire teeth. One's broken. Story of my life. Dad
said don't forget your rollers.
Joan - Oh, Luke. Look, I know you're going through a big
crisis and everything, but... I was kind of hoping that
maybe you could totally save my butt and take my shift at
the bookstore so I don't lose my job?
Luke - Why not? Menial labor. Suitable future.
Stocking shelves, the numbing clack of the cash register,
the insincere smiles...
Joan - great. Your shift starts at 4:00. Don't be late.
Joan goes to the
center. As she walks up the steps her brown paper bag rips
and she has to carry all the stuff in her arms.
She goes inside, dumps her
stuff on the floor and finds a place on the back wall near a
girl with long hair. Her name is Bonnie
Joan - Ahem! Painting stuff. My
dad made me bring it.
Bonnie - I wanted to work at the slaughterhouse, but they
don't have community service.
Joan looks worried and goes tot
talk to another boy near the coffee.
Joan - Excuse me. Do you know
why we're all just standing around here?
Denunzio - Our supervisor's late. She's always late.
Joan - That seems fair. Make everyone show up at 6:00 just
to stand around.
Joan sees homeless man god from
Episode 1.06 Bringeth It On.
God - Remember what I said
about injustice, Joan.
Joan - I showed up. That should be enough for god.
God - Do the job.
Joan - Oh, just paint the walls? Heh! And that's supposed to
somehow, I don't know, help the universe?
God - Why do you think Zen monks spend 40 years trimming one
Bonzai tree?
Joan - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You didn't say anything about
40 years. I have a huge paper due.
God - It's a weekend of community service, Joan. Just serve
the community. The rest will happen.
Joan - Oh, you mean like try to help someone here? Who? They
all look pretty pathetic.
God - Just pay attention. It'll all add up.
Lily comes in with coffee. She
doesn't even acknowledge Joan.
Lily - [Sighs] Look alive,
convicts. All right. Turn your cards in, and let's get
started. We finish the entire first floor by Sunday or
nobody gets any credit. Denunzio, welcome back.
Joan - Hey, Lilly, uh--
Lily - (doesn't even notice Joan) hey, you know what? Use a
drop cloth, all right? I don't want a single drop of paint
getting on the floor.
Joan - Hi. Remember me?
Lily - Oh, yeah, sure. You're Helen's kid. Yeah. So what did
you do?
Joan - Well, I didn't actually do anything.
Lily - (Walking over to Denunzio) Yo! Eminem! You, what? You
want to spend next weekend with me, huh? Then can it! And
give me that cigarette.
Denunzio - Oh, come on. It's my last one.
She takes it from him and Joan
comes over.
Joan - Hey, you know, she's
just doing you a favor. I saw these completely disgusting
photos of lung cancer in my health class. It looked like a
vacuum cleaner bag.
Denunzio - (Groans like, Here we go again)
Joan - So if you need help quitting--
Lily - (To Homeless Man God) do you got a light?
Joan - Oh, I see what's going on here. (He Shrugs) Uh, I
think this means... you shouldn't smoke either?
Lily - Oh, looking for meaning. Impressive. Paint the wall.
Joan makes a face and then we go to the kitchen at the
Girardi house.
Helen is scrubbing the stove as if her life depends on it
and Will is working the squeak out of a door.
Will - Did the stove do
something wrong?
Helen - I'm just trying to de-stress.
Will - Do you want to talk about it?
Helen - Not really. Yes. I'm thinking about going back to
school, you know? Just taking a break from teaching.
Will - Where is this coming from?
Helen - They cut my budget. Apparently art isn't a priority.
Will - You should call the Louvre and tell them.
Helen - And price caught me showing a piece of my work to
Adam.
Will - You respect Adam's opinion. That doesn't mean you're
a bad teacher.
Helen - Price said that I need to look inside myself, and
he's right. I mean, the kids aren't inspired. I'm not
reaching anybody. I have nothing left to teac
Adam. He's better than I am.
Will - Hey, come here.
Helen - Aw, you know what? It's--hey, it's ok. It's ok. So
I'll have more time to devote to my own painting. You know,
maybe it's a good thing. I'm just baby-sitting the kids
anyway.
Will - No. You're doing a lot more--
Helen - hey, what are you doing?
Will - I'm trying to cheer you up.
Helen - No. No. With this? The screwdriver?
Will - I'm fixing that squeak. You know, all that hinge
needed was a little nudge. See?
He moves the door and the door
squeaks.
Will - Uhh! Damn it!
Helen - Please, will, the house can't take a fix-it weekend.
Will - It was fine a minute ago. Oh! The stupid screw is
stripped!
Helen - Do you really have to do this?
Will - Yes! I find it relaxing! You want to take that away
from me? (He's yelling)
Helen - Oh, no. Not when you're so relaxed.
He tires to shut the door but
now it wont move. He slams it and it stays stuck closed.
Will turns around to face Helen with a "See I told you" look
on his face and then the door comes off all three hinges and
hits him in the head.
Will - Uhh!! Uh...you know, it's ok. It's just a bad hinge.
You know, we're lucky it happened now because... well, you
know, who knows what would have happened?
Helen - Yeah. The door
would have worked another 10 years.
Will - Ha ha ha! And then what?
Kevin - Then what, what?
Helen - Your father's dismantling the house.
Kevin - Oh,
cool. While you're at it, I could use an oil change.
Will - Not a
problem. Next up.
Helen - Heh heh heh! (Helen gives him a look)
Kevin - What? What'd I say?
Back to Joan and her painting.
She is trying to find out who to help.
Joan - Oh! Hey,
that was, um... really funny what you painted on the wall
before.
[Laughs] I mean, "this sucks." Because it definitely sucks,
right?
Denunzio - Whatever. Beats anger management.
Joan - So you're angry? I
mean, it makes you want to act out, right?
Denunzio - What are you, a narc?
Joan - No. No. No. Just a concerned member of the community
that--
Denunzio - hey, just-- just leave me alone. Ok?
Joan - Believe me, I'd
love to.
Then Lily comes in
Lily - Hey, your tape's coming off.
Joan - Just so you know, I'm
not like the other kids here. I got framed.
Lily - So, what? I'm
supposed to feel sorry for you 'cause you gotta do a little
weekend painting? I mean, what are you missing out on?
Skulking around a mall?
Joan - A trip to Rhode Island with my
boyfriend.
Lily - Oh, yeah. Well, trying missing out on most of
your twenties 'cause you spent them worshipping an abstract
ideal only to find yourself at 29 in your crappy
basement--sorry-- garden apartment, watching reruns of T.J.
Hooker with nothing but an ashtray for company. Then you can
come talk to me about your wounded sense of justice. (then,
with a change of tone) You
don't smoke, do you? I won't tell your mom.
Joan - No. So maybe god
gave us these, uh... stupid injustices so that we could rise
above them.
Lily - You know what? Don't. Don't talk to me about
god. I spent 10 years in the convent, and you threw some
eggs at a hyundai.
Joan - Chevy. A '92. I was framed.
Lily - Whatever. You
want to know who god is? He's a control freak who demands
perfection.
Joan - Look, I know this is none of my business, but
you were helping my mom get confirmed and now it just seems
like you hate god.
Lily - I don't hate him. I'm pissed at him.
Joan - Why?
Lily - That's between him and me.
Lily turns around and Bonnie is
standing there as if from no where with a cigarette pack.
Lily - Thanks.
Joan - (Bonnie offers her one) Oh. No, thanks. I don't
smoke.
Bonnie - I'm bonnie.
Joan - Joan.
Bonnie - I know.
Joan looks to homeless man god,
who had been leaning in wet paint.
Oops.
Cut to Luke working
at the book store. He is bored out of his mind.
Man - Just as I thought.
Alphabetized.
Luke - By author. So?
Man - Herpetology next to robotics;
paleontology next to ichthyology. No standards,
no categories, no systems.
Luke - I'm just filling in for my
sister. That's the only reason why I'm here.
Man - They should be
organized according to meaning. You young people today, all
you care about is Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston breaking
up.
Luke - They did?
Man - Yeah. You should not be allowed near books.
You know nothing
about science.
Luke - Hey! Hey! You are patronizing the wrong geek,
grandpa. You want to talk quarks? Huh? Neutrinos? String
theory? Bring it on, pops.
Man - Then you should have the good
sense to arrange these books properly by content. Content is
what matters.
The man hands Luke a book and
it is HIS book. The man wrote that science book.
Cut to Joan on a bus going home from painting day one.
She is leaving Adam a message.
Joan - Hey...ahem! It's, uh... it's me again. Ha ha
ha. You're probably at some freaky party by now, hopefully
missing me like crazy. Painting was a real drag. Um... I was
just thinking of you.
She happened to glance out her
window and sees Adam coming out of a store. She gets
off the bus and tries to catch up to him.
Joan - Adam! Adam!
Adam - Hi, Jane.
Joan - Hey, what's
going on? I thought you were in Rhode Island.
Adam - Uh, they...
they had to reschedule the interview, so...
Joan - well, why didn't
you call? I left you, like, 3 messages.
Adam - Uh, I... I don't
know.
Joan - Are you ok?
Adam - Yeah. I'm fine.
Joan - Adam, what's going on?
Adam - Nothing's going on, ok? I'm...I'm sorry I didn't call.
Joan - There
wasn't a trip to Rhode Island, was there?
Adam - Yes, there--I just
said they postponed it, ok?
Joan - Then why didn't you call?
Adam - You
think I'm lying just 'cause I didn't report to you? I wanted
a night for myself, ok?
Joan - Ok. Well, enjoy your night.
She turns around to leave but
then goes back.
Joan - What if
I said I'd spend the night with you? Would you have called
me back then? Is that how it works?
Adam - I changed my plans, ok?
That's all it was. You're freaking out over nothing.
Joan - Well,
if it's such a drag to call me, then maybe you should
lighten your load! (she storms off)
Adam - That's not what I meant. Look-- Jane!
Cut to a commercial as Adam
looks at her down the street.
Cut to painting
day 2.
Lily - Oh, why are you all standing around? Get
to work! (To Joan) Why the long face, Starshine? I thought you were
here to rise above the injustice.
Joan - I don't want to talk about
it. Let's just say that you were right about love. Here. I
brought you some lung photos in case you want to avoid
cancer.
Lily - Uh, Mr. Rhode island?
Joan - Oh, I actually saw him walking
down the street last night. There... was no Rhode Island.
Lily - Ha. Figures.
Joan - No offense, but what do you know about guys
anyway?
Lily - I was a nun. I was married to God.
Joan - That is so not
the same thing.
Lily - That is exactly the same thing. Only worse. Hunh. He was perfect. Where am I gonna find that again?
Joan - So
why didn't you stay with him if he was so great?
Lily - Because you
can't live with perfection, spend your life trying to live
up to it, feeling inadequate. (God as the homeless man goes
up to Lily) Now he's making me pay.
God - Excuse
me.
Lily - (ignoring him) I just wanted to try to find something real, and what do
I get? Nothing but losers in my church singles group who
think that God rewards them by giving them good parking
spots.
God - Ma'am?
Joan - I think he needs, um...
Lily - ugh! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whatever. (Shrugging away from God again) So, listen, I go out with this guy--Stan? You add
an "a" to Stan and you get Satan. Ha ha. This is how my mind
works.
Joan - Hmm.
Lily - The date goes ok. We go back to his place, he
invites me in, I'm, like, "sure," because at this point I'm thinkin' it's time for something to happen. And I don't even
care if it's with Satan.
Joan - Gross.
Lily - Yeah. So we get in there,
and he's got this ratty couch with the tinfoil on the tv
antenna, but here's the clincher. He goes to the john, I
look inside the fridge, you know, because I'm thinkin' I
need a beer to help me get me through this, and what do you
think I find in there?
Joan - Mm-hmm. Body parts?
Lily - Mustard. And a
jar of pickles. And this is a guy from my church group, ok?
These people are supposed to be with god. So if this is what
it's come to, watching Stargate with a tinfoil antenna,
then, no, I don't know where god is anymore.
Joan - Ever thought
maybe god is all around you, like in other people trying to
reach out?
God - Uh, excuse me. There's no more coffee.
Lily - Ok. Do I
look like your secretary? (To Joan) Listen, god is not in Stan. Ha ha.
Trust me. I went out with him. So why don't you just go take
out the trash, ok? Because you got me all agitated again.
Denunzio!
Back to Luke at the book store.
The Author is there as well.
Luke - This is you. Dietrich Steinholz.
Man -
[Sighs]
Luke - 1975. If you were talking about string theory, you
must have been one of the first.
Man - The idea that our reality
is a tiny fragment of something larger is hardly new.
Luke - Yeah,
but you articulated it. I mean, you were the one to build on
Einstein.
Man - There were many of us.
Luke - But you were the first. You
deserve the credit.
Man - For what? I didn't invent anything, just
offered a possibility.
Luke - I did a whole project on string
theory for the arcadia college physics award. I advanced the
key approximation, which has enormous ramifications, and
they totally ignored it.
Man - So? What are we anyway? Compared to
the universe, we're nothing. A spec. A moment of glory in
the arcadia college world, what is that?
Luke - They also got
dinner at Don Thornberry's.
Man - Oh. Their ribeye is amazing.
Sometimes it seems like there's no justice.
Luke - That's $1.99.
Man - Yeah. Ok. Oh.
He takes out a whole bunch of
paper from his pocket. Luke snoops and finds one that
interests him.
Luke - An algorithm for the distribution of...
mattress coils?
Man - There's an ideal ratio of the coils to the
mattress surface. I just haven't figured it out yet. Back to
work. What other choice do we have?
The man takes his book and
leaves Luke standing there to ponder what he said.
Cut
to Will and Kevin working on the car.
Kevin - It says any kind of
brake work should always be done by a professional.
Will - They're
just in bed with the mechanics. I've done this before.
Kevin - You
also said you'd changed the oil before.
Will - Hey, have a little
faith in the old man, will ya? Hand me the socket wrench.
(He Roles under the car) So...I see you got a new shipment of movies. Don't you think
you're watching a little too much Rob Schneider?
Kevin -
Hot chick is hilarious.
Will - So you, uh...haven't talked to Beth
again?
Kevin - That didn't really pan out.
Will - Well, your mom said you
and Lilly--
Kevin - look, dad, I'm not really looking for anyone
right now.
Will - Ah, sure. Oh! I see what part of the problem is.
Your parking brake won't fully release.
Kevin - Seriously? I thought
I felt something dragging.
Will - Yeah. I'll just loosen this up,
and you'll be good to go.
Kevin - All right. Go, dad.
Helen comes out from the house
with a piece of metal.
Helen - Why is this in
the fridge?
Will - Oh, you know, I had trouble fitting that into
the, um... uh, thing. So I thought the cold air would help
it contract, and then I could, uh...
Helen - I'll put it back.
Back to the center. Joan is
dumping a box into the trash.
Bonnie - You shouldn't throw the rollers away.
Joan - Bonnie, you scared me.
Bonnie - People say they're disposable, but
they're not. We can use them again.
Joan - Ok. Here you go.
Bonnie - You
didn't see me here.
Joan puts the box back in and
then a garbage man comes with his truck to dump the
dumpster.
Joan - Oh.
Garbage man - Give me a hand with this, would you, Joan?
Joan - God is collecting my garbage. That's sweet. So,
uh...what happens now, huh? I get my head lopped off?
Because I am obviously failing.
God - Think so?
Joan - Come on. Lilly?
Everything I say to her just makes her smoke even more. Denunzio thinks I'm a narc. Bonnie? I'm afraid to say
anything to her because she might break or, you know, kill
me in my sleep.
God - Stick with it. You're doing great.
Joan - You know,
nothing is happening!
God - You feel frustrated and victimized,
yet you're still talkin' to me. So somewhere, you know this
isn't pointless.
God takes away the trash and we
go to commercial break.
When we come back,
Joan is inside again, still painting.
Denunzio - Some short dude's lookin' for you.
Adam - Hi.
Joan - Hey. What are you doin' here?
Adam - I was just on my way to work
and I wanted to see you. I hate what's happening to us.
Joan - I
know. Me, too. I wanted to call you all day, but...(Bonnie
is staring at them) ahem! I
have to take the trash out. Do you want to give me a hand?
Adam - Yeah.
The go outside
Adam - Man, I thought we were the freaks at school.
Joan - Ha. I
know I should be mad at you, but I'm really glad you came
by.
Adam - Hey, hey, look... I'm sorry I didn't call.
I love you, Jane. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Joan - Nothing. You don't have to do anything. We're still the
same.
Adam - But we're not. I mean, not really.
Joan - I don't want us to
break up.
Adam - Me, neither.
Bonnie - Joan! Lilly's looking for you. It's
time to check out.
Joan - Ok. (To Adam) I have to go.
Adam - It's ok.
Joan - Thanks for
coming by.
Adam - Sure.
Bonnie - Joan!
Joan - Ok!
Adam - Hey, look, I'll... I'll get this,
ok? We'll talk later. (They kiss, again out of habit and
show more than feeling)
Joan - Yeah.
Joan goes inside and Adam
throws the trash away. He sees a big painting on the side of
the wall.
Adam - Whoa.
Bonnie - It's wet. Don't smear it.
Adam - It's yours? It kinda like-- it kinda looks like, uh... that
freaky paint job somebody did in the boiler room at school.
Bonnie - I made it into a womb because it's hot in there and there's
all that engine noise, like a heartbeat?
Adam - Hey, how'd you do--
how'd you do that part down there?
Bonnie - Old rollers.
Next
Scene is Joan and Lily. Lily is giving Joan a ride home. She
has her feet up on the dash.
Lily - You're
getting paint on the dash. I just had this thing detailed.
Joan - "This thing?"
Lily - Hey! You mooch a ride, you don't dis the
wheels. (She lights a smoke)
Joan - Uh, you shouldn't be--
Lily - stow it! So the,
um... skinny kid that showed up today, was that Rhode Island?
Joan - Yeah.
Lily - So just like that, it's all hearts and bunnies
again?
Joan - Well, I'm not really sure. I'm just, uh...trying to
have some faith that it will be.
Lily - Hunh. Good luck with that.
Joan - You don't have faith?
Lily - You know what? Don't go there with me,
all right? Not after a day supervising delinquents.
Joan - But
you're still talking to god, right? I mean, if you're mad at
him but you're still talking to him, you must have some kind
of faith that he's really out there, right?
Lily - Look, I'm glad
that your boyfriend showed up, ok? But save the pixie dust
for yourself, all right? You are not here to save me, so
just put a sock in it so that we don't--
Joan - OH MY GOD!
Lily - what?
They Crash. Lily gets out of
her car to see what happened.
Then we see Kevin roll down his window.
Kevin -
What the hell is your problem?! Are you blind?
Lily - How could you
not see me coming?
Kevin - My brakes didn't work!
Lily - Oh! So you decided
to go out for a spin?
Joan - Ok. Thanks for the ride.
Kevin - You should
look where you're going.
Lily - Oh, just relax. You're crippled
already.
Kevin - Nice.
Lily - Sorry. Had a great day. Still giddy.
Kevin - Just
give me your number.
Lily - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Ha ha. Ha
ha. Did you think that I did this just to pick you up?
Kevin - For
insurance?
Lily - You lost my number?
Kevin -- After you walked out on me in
the restaurant, you didn't exactly make it into my little
black book.
Lily - So what? Someone gives you a little grief and so
you just bail?
Kevin - The bailing was you.
Lily - Ha! Ha ha. I do not
bail.
Kevin - Ha ha.
Lily - I took you out for coffee after that.
Kevin - Yeah. To
say that we shouldn't see each other. You bail. Ha ha.
Lily - Mmm
hmm. Well, let's just push your piece of crap out of the way
and go for Greek food tomorrow, ok? Come on. Come on.
Kevin - I hate Greek food.
Lily -- Did I ask you your opinion? (She is trying to pull
the cars apart._
Kevin - Go on. Put a little
muscle in it!
Lily - Shut up.
Back at school. Luke and Grace
are walking.
Luke - So I realize that nobody has ever
created a force anywhere near 10 to the 19th power volts and
nobody ever will, because if they did, they would risk
creating an enormous black hole
that would suck up
the entire universe.
Grace - Awesome recovery.
Luke - Yeah. And, you know,
who cares what a bunch of idiots from arcadia college think
of me?
Grace -
You read
the anarchy manifesto.
Luke - Huh? No. Steinholz just made me
realize that it's not about ego. It's about the work, the
struggle. That's all that really matters.
Grace - That's what I said
to you.
Luke - When?
Friedman - Dude, Don's steak was like a whole cow and the
baked potato was as big as my head! I got to go!
Grace - Dude, it's
about the struggle.
Luke - Yeah, ok. I'm-- I'm struggling.
Next scene. Adam is
showing Bonnie the art class. Helen is standing in the
doorway
Adam - Voila.
Bonnie - It's a waste of time. I mean, Art teachers are so lame, like
you could teach creativity.
Adam - No, no, that's not Mrs. G. At
all. I'm telling you. I mean, she knows just how to say the
right thing for you to see your work a new way without even
pissing you off.
Bonnie - Anyone who would teach high school is just
too scared to do work for real.
Adam - No. Just the other day she
asked for my feedback on her work, and it was amazing. She
treated me like an equal. We were just 2 artists.
Helen - (not wanting to be caught in the door way) Hey. How's
it going?
Adam - Hi.
Helen - Hey.
Adam - I was just showing bonnie the art room.
Helen - Hi.
Adam - Hey, can I...(He takes Bonnie's note book) check this out. She's totally twisted, in
a good way. She did this awesome mural behind this dumpster.
Helen - Wow. Your work is very confrontational.
Bonnie - I don't like to be
ignored.
Helen - Yeah. No one does. Especially an artist.
Adam - Hey, Mrs.
G., I know it's halfway through the semester already, but I
was thinking maybe Bonnie could join the class.
Bonnie - Yeah, but,
you know, I don't paint kittens. Yeah. Unless they're dead.
Helen - Fair enough. Um, why don't you start by painting a landscape
for Thursday?
Bonnie - Landscapes aren't my thing.
Helen - Well, it doesn't
have to be literal. You could use it as an outlet for what's
inside of you. Here. In 1510, Hieronymus Bosch painted a
landscape. Of hell. Could be your thing.
Back to Joan. She is back at
the book store, Tough Guy God is there.
God - Hey, there, Joanie.
Joan - I'm still waiting. I don't know why you had to put me
through all this. Nothing added up. Nothing happened.
God - Things
happened.
Joan - Ha ha. Where? When?
God - Why are you doubting me?
Joan - Before, when you'd tell me what to do, maybe I'd screw up
and stuff, but by the end I would see something.
God - So you
think you had no effect.
Joan - Yeah.
God - Ahh. You remember Emily Dickinson?
Joan - Ahem! Yeah. You can sing all of her poems to
yellow rose of Texas. Because I could not stop for death
he kindly stopped for me
God - (reading) "Faith is the peerless bridge supporting what we see,
and to the same we do not, too slender for the eye."
Joan - I
don't think that goes with yellow rose of Texas.
God - Seeing the
results of your actions is not important. Only the actions
are. Like a recluse who wrote poems she never published...
and here they are, touching people 100 years later. Your
work is out there, Joanie. You just got to have faith.
Finale scene is more of a
montage. First shot, Grace taking Luke out for dinner
to the restaurant. Then, Bonnie looking at the Art book that
Helen gave her. Helen setting up for her next Art
class, Kevin and Lily on a date, them kissing.
Then we come back to Joan. She
is reading the poems. Then she takes the book and puts it
back into the window. The camera pulls out as she leaves the
store.