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TRANSCRIPT:
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Scene: Ambulance

(They're getting ready to leave. Hank's driving, Jamie's got shotgun and Val's in the back. We see Tyler running.)

Hank: Yo Connell, you coming?!

Tyler: (Gets in the ambulance and starts to buckle up.) Sorry Man. I'm having a little problem with my pants. I think I shrunk 'em or something. (Finishes buckling.) Alright, let's win it.

Stock shot: Ambulance driving down the street.

Val: So all we know is adolescent male in some kind of car accident. The woman on the phone was so hysterical they barely got the address. (To Tyler.) What happened to your face?

Tyler: (We see he's got a little round band aid on his cheek.) A zit the size of Miami.

Jamie: Oh, you didn't squeeze it. You know you're not supposed to squeeze 'em.

Tyler: I didn't squeeze it. I just kind of. . . burned it with some zit cream.

Val: Oh, I hate it when that happens.

Tyler: I just hope it clears up before they take my picture for the jock calendar.

Jamie: Man, look, a guy calendar seems weird.

Val: I like it. And it raises money for the athletic department.

Tyler: Oh, I hope I don't get February again. Holding that big pink bear kinda makes you look like a doof.

Jamie: Yeah, the goofy look on your face didn't help much either.

Tyler: Right.

Scene: Front yard of a house.

Man: If you think I'm letting him out in traffic you're crazy. He couldn't pull into the garage without hitting something. (There's two cars in the driveway. One is parked normally and one in kind of in the yard. You can see tire marks in the grass. The front yard is filled with garden gnomes and the woman is clutching a plastic bird for dear life.)

Woman: 'Cuz you're screaming at him the whole time.

Man: I had to scream at him. Look how he drives.

Hank: Sir. (He's ignored.)

Woman: You have no patience with him.

Man: Because he uses it all up.

Val: (Looking at the garden. To Jamie.) It's Godzilla meets the seven dwarfs. (Tyler joins them.)

(Cut over to Hank. Who's standing with the parents and the Lonny.)

Hank: Uh, sir. (Ignored.)

Man: He's too uncoordinated to drive.

Woman: 'Cuz you make him nervous. It's your fault!

Man: My fault?!

Woman: Yeah!

Hank: Sir, we've checked your son and since there was no injury could you please sign this release. . .

Man: Look at this mess! Lonny boy is digging the hole for the new mailbox.

Lonny: Fine, I'll dig the hole!

Man: Hey! No lip young man! (Walks off.)

Hank: But sir, the report. I need you to sign this. . .

Man: Where's he going? Where's Lonny going?!

Woman: He's gonna park the car in the driveway.

Man: Are you nuts? That's how this whole thing started!

Woman: No, it's your fault it started! 'Cuz you make him nervous!

Man: Lonny, you are not moving that car!

Lonny: Stop telling me what to do! I am moving the car! (Slams the door and buckles his seatbelt and shifts the car.)

Man: Lonny!

Val: He's gonna crash.

Man: Lonny! (The car is moving backwards, the man is running by it. The car takes out a birdbath.)

Tyler: Lonny, put your foot on. . . (The car hits the other car.)

Val: Oh no. (He, Jamie and Tyler run toward the car.)

Woman: (Puts her hands to her face 'Home Alone' style.) My baby! (Runs over.)

Lonny: (Gets out of the car.) I'm sorry. I'm alright.

Woman: (Runs past Lonny and to her car.) My baby! My poor baby! What did you do to my baby?!

Hank: I can't believe this.

Lonny: (About his dad.) It's his fault! He made me use the wrong gear.

Woman: (Hits her husband.) I told you!

Hank: Poor Lonny. Wreck both cars without ever leaving the drive. (Jamie nods.)

[Opening Credits]

Scene: Common room.

(Hank is lining up a golf shot and Jamie is balancing a golf club on his hand. Hank takes a shot and the camera follows the ball. He misses it and we see a foot stop it. The pants the person is wearing are too short. We see Tyler bend down to try and pull them down a little more.)

Tyler: I don't get it. I washed 'em the same as always.

Val: (Comes in.) Hey Tyler, you know you pants?

Tyler: (Stands up.) Yeah.

Val: They're mine. (Pushes his against his chest to give 'em to him.) You picked up the wrong pair.

(Hank and Jamie laugh.)

Tyler: Great. I'm wearing girls pants.

Hank: Hey, you shoulda paid attention during that special health class in eighth grade. (Tyler laughs a little.)

Brooke: (From Alex's office.) Hey you guys, they're posting the calendar jocks on the school website.

Tyler: (Crosses his fingers.) I'm hoping for September.

Jamie: Ms. September it is. (Crosses his finger and looks like he's about to fall to his knees and pray. Tyler doesn't like that so he starts to chase Jamie. Jamie runs into the office followed by everyone else.)

Hank: Get him! (They all crowd around Brooke and the computer.)

Brooke: Okay, Lean Dean got February. Mike Williams got April.

Tyler: Oh, poor Mike. He's gotta hold an umbrella and feel for rain.

(Val and Hank laugh.)

Val: (Pleasantly surprised.) Oh Hank, you got June. Congratulations.

Hank: I got June.

Tyler: You know June's pretty good. You know, no stupid props.

Brooke: October: Jim Hall. November: Fred Moller, and last but not least (looks at Tyler.) for December. . . (Confused.) Richard Keith?

(Tyler looks sad.)

Val: Tyler, I'm sorry.

Tyler: (Unconvincingly.) Don’t be. You know, It's fine. It's fine. (To Hank.) Hey uh, congratulations. I'm cool. You know, cool. (Tyler walks away. They watch him leave and the camera pans down to the few inches of sock showing.)

Hank: You are many things my friend, but right now cool is not one of them.

Scene: Val and Brooke's bedroom.

Val: Ugh, I don't understand. It has to be here. (Looking through her dresser.)

Joanna: (Off screen.) What?

Val: My little pink top hat I always wear with these pants. (Helps her mom fold laundry on one of the beds. Brooke enters wearing the top.)

Brooke: What are you so torqued up about?

Val: (Looks at Brooke.) Mom, she's wearing my top.

Brooke: (Crosses her arms.) I was on my side of the room. Finders keepers.

Val: Oh. Well, Mr. Moo Cow was on my side of the room. (Picks it up.) So I could just twist off his little head. (Twists the neck, When Brooke goes to grab it from Val, she holds it over Brooke head.)

Brooke: Mom.

Joanna: Stop! Val, give back Mr. Moo Cow. (Val lowers it and Brooke snatches it.) Brooke, please wash and return your sister's top.

Val: (Sniffs in Brooke's general direction.) What's that smell?

Brooke: (Defensively.) Nothing.

Val: (Suspiciously.) What?

Brooke: Perfume.

Val: (Angrily.) Better not be mine.

Brooke: It's mine, I got it at the mall. (Picks up the bottle.)

Val: (Interested now.) Ah, let me see. What's this? (Reads the bottle.) Jungle Musk. For all those hot steamy nights in seventh grade. (Sprays some in the air and sniffs. Makes a sound of disgust and hands the bottle to their mom. Val leaves.)

Joanna: Brooke, honey, I- I think maybe you need a lighter more. . . age appropriate fragrance. (Puts here arm around Brooke.) Now would you please take that top off before somebody thinks you're Britney Spears. (Kisses Brooke on the cheek and Brooke looks upset.) Thank you.

Brooke: Fine. (Joanna leaves the room and Brooke follows her into the kitchen.) Then can I go to the mall with uh, Jen and Nicole and maybe uh, get some friendship earrings?

Joanna: Sure honey.

Val: (Is sitting at the kitchen counter.) I thought friendship earrings were for people who have pierced ears.

Brooke: Val!

Joanna: Nice try.

Brooke: Please mom? (A little whiney.)

Joanna: Honey, we've been over this. You're not getting your ears pierced until you're sixteen.

Brooke: It isn't fair!

Joanna: Don't even start.

Brooke: But mom!

Joanna: (Warning.) Brooke.

Brooke: I can't get my ears pierced! I can't wear perfume! I can't even show my bellybutton! I can't do anything! You've totally ruined my life! (Goes to her room and slams the door.)

Joanna: (Calls after her.) It's my job to ruin your life.

Val: (Jumps as the door slams.) Whoa.

Joanna: Get used to it. (Picks up her briefcase and smiles at Val.) Have a nice day.

Scene: School hallway.

(Val and Caitie are walking.)

Val: How can you say that a global community means the end of culture?

Caitie: Because now every place in the world has the same expensive coffee and khaki pants. It's the death of the individual.

Tyler: (Comes down the stairs dressed like a cowboy complete with a fake mustache and is talking in a southern accent.) Howdy purdy ladies!

Caitie: Ugh, except maybe um Howdy Doody over there.

Tyler: (Limps down the stairs. Drops the accent.) I'm trying out for Romeo and Juliet in the old west.

Caitie: Or Shakespeare in the cheap 'cuz the arts budget was cut.

Val: Oh, I think you look really, really cute but what's with the Igor walk? (Referring to his limp.)

Tyler: Uh, blister from the boots. Which is bad for Romeo, but you know, Deputy Mercutio could have a limp and he's got the big shoot out.

Val: No, no. you'll get Romeo, you always get the lead.

Tyler: Well mostly because there's no competition. And I like acting, it's, it's fun. Anyways, gotta go. (Takes off down the hallway reading the script. Picks up the accent again.) Yee ha! What light through yonder window breaks? I reckon is the east and Ms. Juliet's the sun. Whoo!

Caitie: There he goes. The rootin' tootin' death of culture. (They look at each other, sigh and walk away.)

Scene: Lanier dining room.

(Val and Joanna are at the table with papers spread out all over it.)

Joanna: Fifty percent off on bathroom tissue. (Rips out a coupon.)

Val: Well, as Shakespeare said 'Yee ha'.

Brooke: (Sets a box down.) Where should I put this stuff for the rummage sale?

Val: (Looks in the box and take out Mr. Moo Cow.) Brooke, you're giving away Mr. Moo Cow and your mermaid doll? (Takes out the doll.)

Brooke: Um, in case you haven't noticed, I'm growing up.

Joanna: But you love Mr. Moo Cow.

Brooke: He's a toy. I'm interested in other things now. Like clothes and jewelry.

Joanna: As in earrings?

Brooke: You know mom, in some cultures they pierce ears when the girls are still babies.

Joanna: Brooke.

(The phone rings and Val answers.)

Val: Hello. . . Oh, hi Jen. Yeah, sure.

Brooke: (Takes the phone.) Hey. . . She won't budge. . I- (Stops to listen to what Jen says.) What? You're kidding? No way. . . yeah. . . okay. . . bye. (Hangs up.) Oh, my gosh. That's was Jen. Her grandma invited us, Nicole and me and Jen of course, to come and ride horses for ten days!

Joanna: Wai- wai wait.

Brooke: Ten days!

Joanna: Wait a minute. Whoa, what ten days? When? Not mention where?

Brooke: In Montana. Her grandma's got a ranch with horses. . . all we have to pay for is airline tickets and food.

Joanna: Brooke, honey, we can't afford an airline ticket to Montana just like that.

Brooke: But mom?

Joanna: (Puts her head in her hands like Val did.) Oh Brooke, please don't whine.

Brooke: Please?

Val: Brooke, we're clipping coupons for toilet paper, give it up.

Brooke: 'Give it up'. 'You're too young'. I can't do anything. I might as well stay in my room until I'm old enough to move out. (She stomps off and slams her door.)

Val: Mom, if I was ever like that I so apologize.

Joanna: Don't you remember? You rebelled by self publishing a pamphlet of anguished poetry.

Scene: Garage.

(Jamie's restocking the ambulance and Tyler comes limping in and scratching at the side of his face.)

Tyler: Hey, you got something for a skin burn? I had a bad reaction to some mustache glue.

Jamie: Yeah, hold on. (Looks.) Hey, what part did you get, man?

Tyler: I didn't.

Jamie: What?

Tyler: During the tragic death scene I was favoring my blistered foot. Which made me spin around, I twisted my ankle and I landed on my. . . you get the picture. (Starts to walk off.)

Jamie: That's too bad. Hey, whoa whoa hey, try this. It should help. (Jamie tosses something to Tyler who doesn't catch it.)

(Hank and two other people come in.)

Hank: Hey guys, we're taking some new test shots for the calendar.

Girl: So this is where you keep the vehicles. What do you call this?

Hank: (Slowly.) The garage.

Girl: (Impressed.) The garage. (Jamie's got an On-My-God-Could-She-Be-Any-Stupider look on his face.) Oh, could we get some shots next to the ambulance. (Starts leading Hank.)

Hank: No doubt, girl.

Jamie: Sure, anything for Mr. June.

Girl: Tyler! You were hysterical at the audition today. I must have laughed off a thousand calories.

Tyler: Well, glad my humiliation could be of some help. (Sits in the back of the ambulance with Jamie.)

Jamie: Hey man, there's a party tonight at Dead Mike's, you wanna come? I heard the Shaney brother are gonna crush soda cans with their bellies.

Tyler: As fun as that sounds, I think I'm gonna sit at home with a plate of my mom's oatmeal cookies and wait for my face to clear up. You know, I didn't even make back stage crew. Last year I was the lead.

Jamie: Man, it happens.

Tyler: Yeah, not to me. (They look over at Hank and the photography people.)

Girl: Alright, can we get you up there?

Hank: Up here? (Grabs on to the Ambulance door above his head.)

Girl: Yeah.

Hank: A little Tarzan action, huh?

Girl: Alright, Tarzan! Alright.

Tyler: How did I go from that to this? (Looks over at Hank again.)

Scene: Store at the mall.

"It's Gonna Be Me" By N'sync plays.

(Brooke, Jen and Nicole are all there.)

Brooke: Thanks so much for doing this.

Girl: Hey, what are old baby sitters for? But we really gotta get this done before my boss gets back. Okay, who's first? (Holds up the gun they use to pierce ears.)

Jen: You go first.

Nicole: It's okay. I get really nervous.

Jen: I'll get woozy and faint. (The argue about it and not much can be heard.)

Brooke: (Takes a deep breath.) I'll go.

Nicole: I thought your mom won't let you.

Brooke: She can keep me from going to Montana but she can't keep me from doing this.

Nicole: Are you sure?

Brooke: Totally. They're not friendship earring unless all the friends have them so even when you're both in Montana I'll still be connected to you by jewelry.

Nicole: Thanks Brooke.

Jen: That's so sweet.

Girl: Montana. (Impatiently.) Okay, come on. Let's go. (Pats the seat.)

Brooke: Sorry. (She sits.) Now I want them perfectly centered and not too low.

Girl: Please, I am an earring professional. (She sticks her gum on top of the earring gun.) Okay, we'll go on three. (The girl puts the gun up to Brooke's ear and she cringes in anticipation of pain.) One. . . Two. . . (Pierces Brooke's ear.)

Brooke: Ow.

Jen: I can't look. (Cover's her eyes.) I can't look. (The girl reloads the gun.)

Girl: Okay, and one. . . (Does the other ear.)

Brooke: Ow. (Winces.) Ow.

Jen: Did it hurt? I can't look. (Turns away.) Let me see. (Looks closer.)

Brooke: (Can't believe what she just did. We see them in the mirror.) I did it. I really did it. I got pierced.

Jen: Okay, feeling kinda woozy. Have to sit down. (Brooke gets up and lets Jen sit.)

Brooke: Easy does it. Just, put you head between your legs. (Jen does.)

Jen: It's okay. It's okay. Just give me a sec. I'll be fine.

Girl: (Takes Brooke to the mirror to see the earrings. Brooke still looks stunned. We see her in the mirror.) So?

Brooke: What have I done? If my mom finds out, I'm toast.

[Commercial Break]

Scene: Brooke and Val's room.

Val: How could you do this? When mom finds out, you are toast. (Brooke is sitting on her bed and Val is standing over her.)

Brooke: She's not going to find out. I'll cover them with my hair until they're healed enough to take the earrings out whenever I'm home. (Covers her ears with hair.)

Val: You'll never get away with this.

Brooke: So, you won't tell?

Val: No. I'm gonna let you learn the hard way.

Scene: Station common room

(Jamie and Hank are playing darts. Tyler comes in limping with sunglasses on and a sweatshirt with the hood over his head.)

Jamie: Hey, you still got that blister.

Tyler: Yeah. And that's my best quality. (Goes and sits on the bottom bunk of one of the bunk beds. Hank and Jamie whisper to each other.)

Jamie: It's a serious case of the poor me's .

Hank: Yeah, it's his first really ugly patch.

Jamie: He's been golden so long being less than perfect really gave him the bends.

Alex: (Loudly.) Tyler!

Tyler: Yeah? (Sits up too quickly and bangs his head on the top bunk.)

Alex: Congratulations. You've just been chosen to run the EMT recruiting booth at the high school. (Hands Tyler some information and walks away.)

Tyler: I- I- I don't think so.

Hank: Well it's an honor man, you won the vote.

Tyler: Yeah, that was before Quasimodo and I were separated at birth. Look, I'm sorry but I'm not gonna sit in the middle of school and recruit volunteers when all I want to do is put a bag over my head and hide.

(The alarm goes off.)

Scene: A woman's yard.

(A woman has a red mark on her leg. Tyler, Hank and Jamie are crowded around her.)

Hank: That's not a snake bite.

Tyler: Well then, what is it?

Hank: It looks more like a cut.

Woman: I tell you it jumped out and bit me. There, in the bushes. I was fetching Buttercup's doggy toy.

Hank: Ma'am, there's no puncture wound and no swelling or redness. That can't be a snake bite.

Woman: Well then what was it?

Tyler: Well maybe it was a pipe or a thorn or a rake or something.

Jamie: You may need a tetanus shot. (Tyler takes a broom and walks over to the edge of the woods.)

Woman: It jumped up and bit me!

Tyler: Hey, are you sure it's not a snake?

Hank: Yeah. Pretty.

Tyler: Whoa, what do you mean 'pretty'?

Woman: I am telling you it's alive and it's still in there!

Tyler: (He goes into the woods and starts pushing things around with the broom.) Whoa! (Everyone else jumps.)

Jamie: What is it?

Hank: What do you see? (They both get up and go to the woods. Tyler falls to the ground and starts wrestling with something.)

Jamie: Whoa, what do you see?

Hank: Watch out watch out watch out.

Woman: I told you it's a snake, a vicious snake!

Tyler: (Laughs when he realizes what it is.) Yeah, it a deadly rusted lawn hose! (Waves it around.)

Hank: (Laughs a little, but stops when he sees what Tyler's standing in.) Hey, be careful man.

Tyler: (Scratching his eye.) Why? It's a garden hose.

Hank: And don't touch your eye!

Tyler: Why not?!

Hank: 'Cuz you've been crawling around in a patch of poison oak.

Tyler: Oh no. (puts his hand to his face and realizes what he just did.)

Scene: Brooke and Val's room. Night.

(Brooke is rolling around in her sleep, dreaming.)

Brooke: No. Stop it! That's not funny! (Sits up.)

Val: (Wakes up and goes over to Brooke's side of the room.) Brooke, it's okay. It was just a nightmare.

Brooke: Man, that was so weird. These two clowns with giant Bozo hair kept squeezing my ears and going 'honk, honk'.

Val: Okay. Okay, well it's late, try to go back to sleep now, okay?

Brooke: But it was so real. My ears actually hurt. (Touches one of her ears and winces.) Ow! Ow.

Val: (Reaches over to turn on the light and take a closer look.) Uh on.

Scene: Bathroom.

(We're looking at Val and Brooke in the mirror. Brooke is tying her hair back and her ears are all red.)

Brooke: How could they be infected?

Val: Because you're supposed to keep your hair away from newly pierced ears, not use it for cover. And you should have been pierced by a medical professional and have Mom's permission.

Brooke: But you're not going to tell, are you?

Val: If these don't improve by tomorrow we're going to have to. (Tries to clean Brooke's ears with a little cloth but Brooke keeps flinching.) I still can't believe you actually did this. What were you thinking?

Brooke: I wasn't thinking. I was just. . . I don't know. . . so mad I couldn't go to Montana. (They sit down.)

Val: That you went to the mall and let some stranger poke holes in your ears?

Brooke: Okay, sure it sounds stupid when you put it that way (Val tries to clean Brooke's ears again and Brooke flinches.) But, ow-

Val: Sorry.

Brooke: I had to do something.

Val: Have you ever thought about writing poetry?

Brooke: What?

Scene: Common room.

(Hank and Jamie are playing cards. Tyler comes in and announces his presence with a sneeze. He's got on track pants that are sticking to his legs, his hands are bandaged, and he's got an eye patch.)

Hank: (Like a pirate.) Arg Matey, ya lost your parrot.

Jamie: Your pants are sticking to ya kinda funny.

Tyler: (Scratches his leg.) Yeah, well calamine takes a little longer to dry than you might think.

Alex: Tyler, what uh?

Tyler: I- I'm just here to pick up some stuff for the recruiting booth tomorrow.

Alex: I thought you turned that down?

Tyler: Uh, well uh, I did. But I guess I wrong, you know. These guys have been on my case and it got me thinking you know? Just cuz my looks fell apart doesn't mean I have to. I mean you can't let the way you look ruin your life, right?

Alex: Well that's true, but. . .

Tyler: Hey, besides with this uh. . . the sideburn rash and the poison oak, you barely even notice the giant pimple.

Alex: Listen Tyler, It's not about how you look, it's about how you're suffering.

Tyler: Oh hey, hey don't worry about that. As soon as I take my allergy meds. . . no more scratching. I'll be fine.

Alex: I hope so. This is important. We need volunteers.

Tyler: I won't let you down, I promise.

Scene: School.

(We see a crowd of people under a booth with a sign that says "Make a difference. Be an EMT" Everyone is laughing at something.)

Val: (Walks up to Caitie and Jamie in the group.) What's going on?

Jamie: Well, Tyler's allergy medication knocked him out like a light. Now there's a game to see how many notes they can put on him without him waking up.

Val: Oh, poor Tyler.

Caitie: Yeah, it such a disgusting display of mob fascination with human suffering. Kay, come on, let's get a closer look. (We see Tyler asleep and there's post it notes of all colors stuck on him. Caitie puts one with a picture of an eye over Tyler's real one.)

Val: Caitie! (Slaps her.)

Caitie: What? (Knocks something off the table.)

Tyler: (In his sleep.) Mommy, can I have more cookies. (Everyone laughs.)

(Tyler wakes up and stands up in confusion, he knocks everything down and falls, buried under the signs.)

Val: Tyler, are you okay?

Scene: Station. Common room.

Tyler: No! My life is officially over. I mean people are sending me cookies. (Reads the cards.) Look at this: 'To Captain Calamine'. Okay, uh 'For Sleeping Ugly'. Oh, here's the good one. 'To Rip Van Dorkle'. I mean I'm a big joke.

Val: Tyler, no you're not. These cookies are homemade.

Hank: (Both he and Jamie coming running in.) Homemade cookies!

Jamie: You got chocolate chip?

Val: Yeah. (Hands some over.) You only make homemade cookies for people you really, really like. Even if their face is covered in post-its. (Tyler laughs with Val.)

Hank: Try one of these. (Holds up a cookie.) It may not be the best looking, but it's what's inside that counts.

Tyler: (Takes the cookie.) Okay, okay I get the message. And I can live with looking pathetic. Okay, but, I mean I fell asleep. I let the squad down.

Alex: (Comes in and hears the last part.) Actually you didn't You recruited the highest number of volunteers ever.

Tyler: What?

Alex: I guess you drew such a crowd it created awareness we never had before.

Hank: Congratulations man.

Tyler: That's- that's great. What? It's because I drew so much attention to myself?

Hank: Or it could be a total pity response. You never know.

Tyler: You know what? I don’t care. I will take the win. Power to the pathetic.

Hank: Right on.

(Tyler high fives them all. He gets Calamine on their hands and they just wrinkle their noses and look down.)

Scene: Val and Brooke's room.

(Brooke is outside talking to their mom and Val is inside listening through the door. Caitie's there too She's reading a magazine.)

Val: Okay, mom just said something about consequences but they're mumbling so much I can hear. (Moves away from the door.) Okay, here she comes. (Val goes and sits on the bed like she wasn't listening. Brooke comes in.) So, what'd you get?

Brooke: No TV and grounded until my ears heal. (Shows Val her ears.)

Caitie: Whoa, whoa Brooke. (Gets up and pulls Brooke's hair back so we can see that her ears are bandaged.) Oh, oh man. So uh, can you swing 'em to and fro?

Brooke: Oh man, do they look as big and throbbing as they feel?

Caitie: Well um, you're somewhere between uh Dumbo and. . . and Prince Charles.

Brooke: Oh great, I'm grotesque.

Caitie: But look what your Auntie Caitie brought to cheer you up. (Pulls out Val's poetry.)

Val: (Surprised.) You still have that?

Brooke: Cries of Pain?

Caitie: It's um, your sister's puberty poetry. (Val is dying and Brooke is loving it.)

Brooke: Get out.

Caitie: (Reading.) I itch from within.

Val: Oh.

Caitie: Nothing fits. Can't get enough chips. Is this life? Or does my soul have Eczema?

Brooke: Gee Val, you were even crazier than I am.

Val: Oh, totally. (Goes to sit kneel next to Caitie.) Remember when I lived on tofu and tried to get in touch with my past lives?

Caitie: Yeah, oh okay check this out. (Starts reading again.) D-Fib my feelings. Love mommy. Hate mommy. Get the paddles. Clear! I want my teddy bear. (While Caitie's reading, Brooke starts to look sad.)

Val: Oh look at this one.

Caitie: Okay.

Val: Anger, (turns to Brooke.) This one's funny. (Notices the look on Brooke's face.)

Caitie: I- (Sees Brooke.)

Val: Brooke. Brooke, what' . . what's wrong? (Sits next to her.)

Brooke: I know it's stupid, but I actually kinda feel that way. And I wish I never gave away Mr. Moo Cow or. . . my mermaid doll.

Val: Oh, Brooke. It's okay. (Reaches under her bed.) I saved them because I knew you were gonna miss them. (Pulls them out.)

Brooke: Val, thanks, that's so great, but I don't know why I care so much. Like, what is wrong with me?

Caitie: You're just at that age.

Val: Yeah, where the ups and downs can give you whiplash.

Caitie: It's the age I was when I renounced red and started to develop my trend setting personal style. And um, I also cried myself to sleep at night cuz I thought me feet were too big.

Brooke: So everybody goes through this?

Val: Yeah, pretty much. You kinda just have hang in there and try not to eat too much chocolate until you can ride it out.

Caitie: Or you can pour your soul into poetry. Come on, let's make fun of another one.

Val: Okay, no no no, that's enough cries of pain for one . . (Tries to take the book away from Caitie, but she gets up and walks away from Val. Caitie throws it to Brooke.) Hey, come on. (Brooke throws it back to Caitie. Val keeps protesting.)

[Fade Out]

Transcribed by: MM

Written by: Marcy Vosburgh
Original Air Date: February 4th, 2001

Cast Info
Kevin Hicks- Alex Freeman
Lori Hallier- Joanna Lanier
Sarah Gadon- Jennifer
Nicole Hardy- Nicole
Avery Saltzman- Mr. Shelton
Shannon Hile- Mrs. Shelton
Hunter Scott- Lonny
Serena Lee- Marilyn
Melyssa Ade- Kelly
Claudette Williams- Lucille
Marco Bianco- Lonny Stunt Double

Music:
It's Gonna Be Me- N'Sync