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TRANSCRIPT:
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Scene: Garage.

(They run to the ambulance. Hank's driving, Jamie's in the front and Val and Tyler are in the back.)

Hank: Code three. Adult male. Possible second degree burns.

Stock shot: The ambulance driving. Night.

Val: Hey, I thought it was your night off.

Tyler: I'd rather be here, William's back from his business trip.

Jamie: Ah, the old stepdad, huh?

Tyler: Yeah, he keeps trying to bond with me. I swear if he asks me to go on the boat with him one more time I'm gonna go nuts.

Val: Yeah, it's really hard when parent's try to get inside your head like that.

Tyler: Except he's not even my parent. I mean just because my mom marries some guy doesn't mean I have to mind meld with him.

Hank: Hey man, lighten up. Hey, I saw your name at the top of the honors list today. Congratulations.

Tyler: (Unenthusiastically.) Thanks. It's about the only good thing about having a step father. Every night I'm not here I'm at the library studying just so I don't have to be with William the Dork lord. (I knew he says 'Dork', but after that I'm not sure.)

Jamie: Hey, at least he's trying to help you get good grades, huh.

Tyler: Yeah.

Scene: Monsieur La Bon's House.

(Mrs. La Bon opens the door. She's in her bathrobe.)

Clare: I'm Clare, uh Gerard's wife. Right-right this way. (Leads them down the hall.) This is all my fault. I set the curling iron on the vanity chair there. (Shows the curling iron.) And I hod no idea it was still on. (Pan to a man on his stomach on the bed whimpering in pain and shaking. There's a black mark on his boxers where he sat on the curling iron.)

Hank: Sir, my name is Hank and you're going to be alright. (The man turns to look.)

Hank and Jamie: (Surprised.) Monsieur La Bon?

Monsieur La Bon: You. No, no. No, no. (Jamie turns away.)

Hank: Monsieur La Bon, you're going to be alright. All we need.

Monsieur La Bon: No no, no no no no no.

Tyler: Is that your French teacher?

Jamie: (His hand is to his mouth. He looks like he's trying not to laugh. He nods.)

Hank: I need to evaluate your injuries.

Monsieur La Bon: Just you Monsieur Beecham. The others: Stay Back! (They back away.) Go away. Shoo. Back!

Hank: No problem, no problem. (Looks back at the squad.) No problem. No problem. (Hank starts taking BP) You're gonna be fine, you're gonna be fine, you're gonna be fine. (Calls over his shoulder.) BP one-forty five over ninety. Pulse is eighty eight. Check with the base hospital to see if we can get him something for the pain.

Monsieur La Bon: Oui. (Tyler goes to do it.)

Hank: And I'll need the burn packs. (To Monsieur La Bon.) Sir, I'm going to need to have you lie on your stomach so I can. .

Monsieur La Bon: Please, be discrete Monsieur Beecham. I beg of you.

Hank: There's nothing to worry about. (cut to Mrs. La Bon putting her hand over Val's eyes. Val turns her head away even more and puts her own hand over her eyes.) It's not as if I haven't seen a (pulls down the elastic part of Monsieur La Bon's boxers. Surprised.) heart tattoo with a name on it.

Monsieur La Bon: Shh.

Hank: (Quickly covers it back up when Tyler comes in to hand him a syringe. This will help with the pain.

Monsieur La Bon: Remember Monsieur Beecham, I am counting on you.

Hank: Yes, sir. Discretion.

Monsieur La Bon: Si, beaucoup. (Sees the needle.) Oh. (Faints.)

[Opening Credits]

Scene: School hallway.

(Val and Caitie are walking together and Tyler comes around the corner quickly.)

Tyler: Val, wait up.

Caitie: Oh look, now he's officially running after you.

Tyler: (To Val.) Hey uh, (To Caitie.) hey Caitie.

Caitie: Hey um, going out for track?

Tyler: Uh, no. Actually I was wondering if um. . . (To Val.) Could I talk to you for a sec?

Val: (Nods.)

Caitie: Oh. Actually guys, you know what? I-I suddenly got this . . . this inexplicable urge to go see who signed up for chess club. Later.

Tyler: Right. (Caitie leaves and give Val a look on her way.)

Val: So, what's up?

Tyler: Um. . . I need to ask you a favor.

Val: Sure. What- what?

Tyler: Um. . . Okay, I know this is bad and if you find this kinda above and beyond the call of duty as a friend I'll completely understand. But I'm kind of in a bind and. . .

Val: Tyler, what?

Tyler: Could you come to my house for dinner tonight?

Val: That-that's it.? That's the big favor? What are you serving? Cafeteria food or. .

Tyler: No, it's uh, it's William.

Val: Oh.

Tyler: My mom. . . um. . . usually does this thing for my birthday. A special meal and stuff but we haven't done it since my dad left. William found out about it and decided it would be a good idea. Thought I should invite a friend. Anyway, um, my mom's kinda got her heart set on it so would you mind? I mean it'll be a total pain with William there, but I promise I will make it up to you. You know, uh do reports, carry equipment, whatever.

Val: Tyler, stop it. Of course I'll come.

Tyler: Thank you.

Scene: A different hallway.

(Hank's walking down the hall and Jamie comes down the stairs.)

Jamie: Oh, hey man. You missing something? (Holds up a French book.)

Hank: Oh, my French book.

Jamie: Yeah, you left it at the station last night. I figured you could probably use it.

Hank: Yeah, tell me about it. French is the one subject that's going to keep me off the honors list for good.

Jamie: It's the only subject I'm actually doing okay in.

Hank: More than okay. You got to skip French 101.

Jamie: Yeah, I had a French grandma, she used to speak it to me when I was a kid. Alright listen man, you better be careful today. I think La Bon's gonna be a little crankier than usual.

Hank: Why?

Jamie: That's gotta be one aching behind. (Laughs.)

Hank: Oh great, I may never graduate.

Scene: Caitie's and Val's lockers.

Caitie: I'm telling you, this is big.

Val: Caitie, it's not.

Caitie: Yeah right. Come on, dinner with the folks. Meet the evil stepdad so you can commiserate about what a pain the guy is. Not to mention celebrating his birthday with him. No, no. This-this is huge. We are talking major milestone in a relationship here.

Val: I told you, there is no relationship.

Caitie: Ugh, get over it. I wonder what the deal is with the stepdad? You know it could totally ruin your chances if his snobby parents don't like you.

Val: (Sounds worried.) What-what chances? And who said his parent's were snobby?

Caitie: Then again, if he's really not into his parents then that could make him like you more. Then what if they do like you? Oh, this could get ugly. Are you sure you wanna go?

Val: (Worried/scared.) No.

Scene: Monsieur La Bon's classroom.

Monsieur La Bon: (Pokes his head out of his classroom.) Psst. (Shot of Hank looking confused at his locker.) Psst psst. (Monsieur La Bon jerks his head back. Hank takes the hint and goes to talk to him. Hank walks into the room and Monsieur La Bon closes the door.)

Hank: Monsieur La Bon, are you better?

Monsieur La Bon: Listen. I got that tattoo in the service, long before I ever met my beloved wife.

Hank: I-I didn't.

Monsieur La Bon: I thought of having it removed, but it's so painful. And my wife, you know, she doesn't seem to mind it.

Hank: That-that-that's.

Monsieur La Bon: But I know how young people can be when they get a hold of personal information about a teacher.

Hank: But sir, I have no intention of mentioning this to anyone. And the other's didn't see anything. (Monsieur La Bon give Hank an Are-You-Sure look.) I made sure.

Monsieur La Bon: Oh. Thank you, Monsieur. I'm thankful for you discretion. Very, very grateful. I am counting on you Monsieur Beecham. (Students start coming in.)

(Cut to a little later. The class is seated. Jamie is in front of Hank. Monsieur La Bon is at the front.)

Monsieur La Bon: Bonjour class.

Class: (The camera is focused on Jamie. He's a little louder and is grinning. Probably because of the call.) Bonjour, Monsieur La Bon.

Monsieur La Bon: Please open your text books to page forty and we will read aloud. (He sits down. Cringes, gets up a little and sits back down more slowly.) Monsieur Waite, you first.

Jamie: (Reading aloud in French. My French isn't good and it doesn't really matter what he says. Monsieur La Bon corrects something Jamie says and Jamie repeats it correctly.)

Monsieur La Bon: Needs work Monsieur Waite. Monsieur Beecham, continue.

Hank: Um. . . Il. . . Il ne (I'm not sure about the next word. Monsieur La Bon cringes at the pronunciation. Jamie's French was better. Hank is pronouncing way too many of the silent letters.) rien. (Translation: He. . . he never does (whatever the missing word means.))

Monsieur La Bon: Très bien, Monsieur Beecham, Très bien. (Hank looks surprised. I'm just guessing about her last name.) Mademoiselle Yey, continue. (Jamie looks back in shock.)

Mademoiselle: (Her French is good.) Il avait peur de. . . (Translation: He was afraid of. . . )

Scene: Brooke and Val's room.

Brooke: (Looking stuff up on her laptop.) So, it says here the median home price for Tyler's neighborhood is like, three times what it is in the rest of Kingsport.

Val: (In her closet picking out clothing.) Brooke, so what? What does that have to do with anything? I need help here.

Brooke: Hello, you're trying to figure out what to wear, right?

Val: Yeah, so?

Brooke: Well, given the demographic of the neighborhood, and the fact that Tyler's always saying his stepdad's a bit on the stuffy side. Well, all I can say is I hope you're not wearing that.

Val: (Looks at her outfit.) Why, what's the matter with this?

Brooke: (Sarcastically.) Oh, you mean besides the fact that there's a big hole under the armpit?

Val: What? (Looks.)

Brooke: I mean, come on, these are people who probably have, like finger bowls and stuff.

("So Real" By Mandy Moore plays while Val tries on outfits. None of them are right. Brooke is holding up scare cards. Val's second outfit gets a 5.3. She picks one.)

Val: What do you think?

Brooke: That's it, it's perfect.

Val: Really?

Brooke: (Thinks about it again.) No.

Val: Ugh. (Starts to leave when Caitie comes in.) Hey.

Caitie: So I thought you might need another pep talk before you (Stops when she sees the outfit.) Um. . . you're not wearing that?

Val: Could somebody please just make this night go away? (Sits down in the closet and closes the doors.) I'm not going.

Scene: Tyler's foyer.

(The doorbell rings and Tyler answers it. He's dressed casually.)

Tyler: Hey, thanks for coming.

Val: Hi. (Looks at his clothing.) Looks like I'm a little overdressed.

Tyler: No, you look great. Come on in. (He leads her to the dining room where the table is full of fancy silverware and stuff like that. Tyler just crosses his arms over his chest while Val takes it all in.)

Val: Wow.

Tyler: Yeah, the Over-The-Top police should be here any minute

William: (Comes out of the kitchen.) Hi.

Val: Hi.

William: You must be Val. I'm William Jenks. Welcome. (They shake hands.)

Val: Nice to meet you, Mr. Jenks.

William: No, no please. It's William. We're-we're very informal around here. Isn't that right, Ty.

Tyler: (A littler bitter.) We sure are, Will. (Daphne joins them.) Uh mom, this is. . .

Daphne: Val, of course. (They shake hands.) We're so happy you could come and join us for Tyler's birthday.

Val: Oh, thank you very much.

Daphne: Now, you're probably gonna find the menu a little weird, but it's all Tyler's favorites from when he was a kid.

Tyler: (Embarrassed.) Mom!

Val: Aww.

Daphne: Which I need to get back to. But it'll be ready soon, I promise. (She goes back into the kitchen.)

William: So I'll tell you what, you guys just uh, relax. (He leaves too.)

Tyler: I'm really sorry about that.

Val: Why? They seemed okay.

Tyler: Yeah, just wait.

William: (Pops his head out of the kitchen.) Um Tyler, buddy, I was wondering if you could take the trash out for you mom? We're kinda getting a little crowded in here.

Tyler: Back in a sec. (He goes into the kitchen. Val sits down. Tyler pushes the door open harder than he needs to.)

Tyler: (Off screen. Angry.) I don't need you telling me what to do every second!

William: (Off screen. More calmly.) I'm not telling you what to do every second. All I asked was for you to take the trash out.

Tyler: Yeah, but it's like I can't spend five minutes with my friend without you trying to tell me how to run my life!

William: Tyler! I'm not trying to tell you how to run your life. Look, your mother's gone through a lot of trouble tonight. To make sure this is all. . .

Tyler: Hey! Tonight wasn't my stupid idea!

(Cut to later that night. They're all eating.)

William: So anyway, I keep trying to get Tyler out on the boat with me.

Tyler: I told you I get sea sick.

William: Yeah, but they have a patch for that now. (Awkward silence.)

Daphne: Anybody like some more chicken pot pie?

Val: Yes please. (Takes the dish.) Thanks.

William: Tyler, did I tell ya I something the other day? And actually you might be interested in this as well Val. They put out a new study guide for the SATs, well I thought I'd pick up a copy and, you know maybe we could go over it together.

Tyler: I've already got those books.

William: Yeah, but they've got this new one. . .

Tyler: I can study on my own, thanks. (Another awkward silence.)

Daphne: Val, would you like some more potatoes?

Val: Sure. (Puts some on her plate.) Thanks. (Another awkward silence.)

William: So, um, anything new going on with you kids at school?

Tyler: No, not really.

Val: Pretty great news about Tyler, you know, making that honor's list, right? That's. . . (His mom and William look at him. Tyler has an Oh-Great-I'm-Busted look on his face.) Will you pass the tuna casserole, please. (William does, but keeps staring at Tyler.)

William: Tyler, buddy, why wouldn't you tell us something like that?

Daphne: He was probably planning on surprising us with the news tonight, weren't ya Tyler? (Val looks sorry.)

William: Didn't you think that was something worth sharing with the family?

Tyler: (Angry.) Look, I didn't tell you because I knew you'd do what you always do which is make a big deal out of something that really isn't any of your business!

Daphne: Tyler!

Tyler: Look, I am not your kid, alright! (Stands up and slams his napkin on the table.) Back off! (Stalks out of the kitchen in a huff.)

Daphne: (Goes after him.) I am so sorry Val. (Off screen.) Tyler, that was really uncalled for. What's wrong with you?

William: Excuse me a moment Val. Um, why don't you help yourself to some more baked beans. (He follows his Wife and Tyler.)

Val: Thanks. (Sighs.)

[Commercial Break]

Scene: The basketball court behind the school.

("The Way We Choose" By Family Ritual is playing. Tyler is shooting hoops. He makes the first two, then throws the ball against the building and it bounces back. He makes the next three shots then throws the ball at the school again. Jamie comes out behind him.)

Jamie: Hey man, what's up?

Tyler: Don't even ask. (Music fades out.) What are you doing here?

Jamie: I left a book in my locker. (Takes off his leather jacket.) Something tell me your birthday dinner was a bust.

Tyler: It was more like a train wreck. (He throws the ball hard at Jamie, who catches it.)

Jamie: Hey, hey, hey, I'm not William.

Tyler: Sorry, he's just driving me crazy.

Jamie: (Bounces the ball.) No kidding. (Takes a shot and makes it. Tyler bounces the ball back to the free throw line.)

Tyler: You know I still can't believe that my mom married that guy. You know, it's like he's always gotta make a production outa something. He's trying to impress my mom, he's trying to impress my friends. (He takes a shot and makes it. Jamie catches it and take it to the free throw line.) All he cares about are things. You know the right people, the stupid boat, his precious car. (Jamie makes another shot.) The other day, a bird pooped on his Jag right, and swear I thought he was gonna have a heart attack. (Jamie laughs. Tyler misses his next shot.)

Jamie: It seems to me what you need. . . is a little get even activity. You gotta blow off a little steam!

Tyler: Yeah, but what?

Jamie: Well, you say he's not too crazy about birds? (Jamie makes another shot.)

Scene: Outside Tyler's house.

(We see someone making big globs with the whipped cream from the spray can on a car that we can assume is William's. Pull back to show it's Tyler.)

Tyler: Oh man he is gonna hate this. (The camera pulls back to show Jamie too.)

Jamie: Well, we have to make it look authentic.

Tyler: I can't believe I'm doing this. (Tyler's loving this. They pour blueberry pie filling on the whipped cream globs.) Oh man, this is so gross.

Jamie: And the finishing touch. (Pulls a yellow feather duster out of his backpack and starts pulling the feathers out and sticking them on the car.) Voila. Looks like Big Bird really digs your car, man.

(The camera pulls back so we can see Tyler's house. A light in an upstairs window turns on.)

Tyler: Oh, go go go go go. (They run off and hide in the bushes. They laugh as they see William react.)

William: (Off screen.) What the?! Daphne!

Daphne: (Off screen.) What?

Tyler: Oh, this is the most juvenile thing I have ever done.

Jamie: Yeah, doesn't it feel great?

Scene: French class.

(Monsieur La Bon is passing back papers.)

Monsieur La Bon: Well done Monsieur. (Puts a paper on Hank's desk. Hank stares at it in shock. It's a B+. To some random person. We don't see who he's talking to.) What am I going to do with you? (Keeps passing back papers and making comments.)

Jamie: (Turns around to compare grades.) What'd you get. (Hank grins and shows it to him.) Man, what have you got on La Bon? I mean no offense, but you getting a B+ in French is about as likely as me getting elected homecoming queen.

Hank: I don't know. I guess all that studying just finally took, you know?

Jamie: (Sarcastically.) Yeah. . . right. (Turns back around. The bell rings. Hank starts to think he might be getting special treatment.)

Monsieur La Bon: People, remember to review chapter eleven for tomorrows class.

Scene: Station's garage.

(Tyler comes in to talk to Val.)

Val: (shortly.) Hi.

Tyler: Hi. Uh, I just wanted to apologize.

Val: No, it's okay. I understand. (Turns to put something in the ambulance.)

Tyler: No, it's just William gets so outa control.

Val: (Turns and crosses her arms.) Wait a minute. You-you're apologizing for William?

Tyler: Yeah you know, he's so in-your-face all the time.

Val: Okay wait, I'm sorry, now I'm confused. You're apologizing for someone who was nothing but nice and polite to me last night and who ended up having to drive me home because the person who invited me for dinner ended up leaving in the middle of it?

Tyler: Yeah, well I'm really sorry about that, but if William hadn't have been there. . .

Val: Okay, but you know what the thing is, Tyler? He is there. He's married to your mom now, and as hard as that is to get used to, I really don't think he's trying to do anything except help make you guys a family.

Tyler: Except he's not my family. Okay, my father is family. That-that guy is just. . . not.

Val: So, you know, you never did tell me what your dad said when you told him you made the honor's list. Was he- was he excited? Was he. . .

Tyler: Actually, I-I left him a message but he hasn't called me back yet.

Val: Tyler, I-I really don't think William's trying to replace you dad. I just think that maybe you're afraid if you let him get too close that one day. . . one day he might. (They stare at each other until the alarm goes off. Val closes the back doors of the ambulance.

Scene: Outside somewhere.

(Jamie and Hank are wheeling someone away on a gurney. Tyler's talking to two little kids.)

Boy: Is our mom going to be okay?

Tyler: Well, we have to take her to the hospital for X-rays and make sure nothing's broken, but she's gonna be fine. Is there anybody we can call to meet you guys there?

Boy: It's just our mom and us, our dad is dead.

Val: Hey you guys. You guys ready to go to the hospital now?

Tyler: Listen guys, are you sure there's no one else that we can call? Another relative or a family member?

Girl: Aunt Sadie and Uncle Dan.

Boy: They're not really our aunt and uncle. They're just our next door neighbors.

Girl: They help mom out a lot.

Boy: Mom says it's not who you are that makes you family, it's how you act to each other.

(Val and Tyler share a look. What the boy says sticks with Tyler.)

Scene: French classroom.

(Hank knocks on the door. It's open a little bit and we can see Monsieur La Bon at his desk.)

Hank: Excuse me Monsieur. . . Mr. . . Monsieur La Bon. Um, can I talk to you for a minute.

Monsieur La Bon: Oui, Monsieur. Entrez-vous. (Hank comes in and closed the door behind him.)

Hank: Well uh, I just wanted to say that uh, I know I'm not the best French scholar in the world.

Monsieur La Bon: I know.

Hank: Well, I was wondering if you could. . . the, okay, the thing is: I want to earn my grades.

Monsieur La Bon: I don't know what you mean.

Hank: Sir, are you aware that as a member of the EMS squad I am bound to a confidentiality code that's the same as the doctor-patient one?

Monsieur La Bon: I wasn't aware of that, no.

Hank: Sir, if you keep on acting like I've got something on you, people are going to start to wonder if. . .

Monsieur La Bon: Monsieur Beecham, I was never trying to bribe you. Okay, perhaps I was a little bit easier on you than usual, but I was. . . maybe, you know. . . feeling a little bit grateful for your help in my time of pain. That's all.

Hank: let's just, let's just go back to be getting the grades I deserve. (Cringes a little.) As bad as they may be.

Monsieur La Bon: As you wish.

Hank: Thank you, sir.

Monsieur La Bon: But Monsieur Beecham. May I suggest something? A tutor perhaps. One of my best students will be arriving any moment now. And I could arrange for you. .

Hank: I would love to, sir, but I wish I had the time. . . (The door opens behind him)

Monsieur La Bon: Ah, Monique. (Hank turns.) We were just talking about you.

Monique: Oui Monsieur?

Hank: Oh, maybe I could clear some time.

Monsieur La Bon: Ah, bon.

Scene: Tyler's backyard.

(William is sanding the boat when Tyler comes outside.)

Tyler: (Clears his throat.) Need a hand with that?

William: (Nods, hands Tyler a bit of sandpaper. Tyler starts rubbing the boat vertically.) It's uh, best to rub with the grain.

Tyler: Look, I'm sorry I was kind of a jerk the other night.

William: Well I'm sorry I embarrassed you in front of your friend. (Tyler nods, accepting the apology. There's a pause.) Tyler, I've never had any kids of my own, and I guess uh, it's kinda hard sometimes to show you that I care without uh, I don't know, uh crossing some sort of line. I guess especially since I'm not exactly sure where that line is.

Tyler: And I'm not exactly making it easy for you.

William: No, you're not.

Tyler: Maybe we both just need to relax a little.

William: See where things take us? (Tyler nods.) Yeah, I think that'll be great.

Tyler: You know this boat is actually kinda cool.

William: Hey, don't move. (Tyler freezes.) And whatever you do, don't look up. There's a huge bird right over your head.

Tyler: (Laughs, realizing William knows it was Tyler who vandalized his car. William hit the bill of Tyler's cap and Tyler fixes it.) Don't look up, huh? (He laughs.)

[Fade Out]

Transcribed by: MM

Written by: Maggie Marshall
Original Air Date: November 17th, 2000

Cast Info
Cliff Saunders- Monsieur La Bon
Howard Hoover- William
(One of these guys plays William and other plays Monsieur La Bon. I just took a guess.)
Joycelyn Zucco- Clare La Bon
Christie Macfadyen- Daphne Connell Jenks
Chandra Muszka- Monique
Eric Knudsen- Jason
Steven Taylor- Jack

Music:
So Real- Mandy Moore
The Way We Choose- Family Ritual