COLD OPEN
EXT SPACE - MOYA
Stock CGI - Moya in cruise mode.
CONTAINMENT CELL - MOYA
Outside the cell, Sikozu steps close to the barred door, a flat black box in her hands. She peers through the bars at Scorpius, sprawled on his back across the bed.
SIKOZU:
Do you care for a game?
He stares silently at the ceiling. She lowers her eyes to the box in her hands.
SIKOZU:
Belongs to Crichton, but... he is not on board at the moment.
Interested, his eyes slide toward the door.
SIKOZU:
Do you know how to play?
EXT SPACE - TRANSPORT POD
Stock CGI - pod motoring through space, both engines thrumming.
TRANSPORT POD
Chiana kneels on the floor, knees spread wide and nestled between are a small pile of pulsing icky looking objects; about hand sized. She lifts one, examining it closely.
In her partially gloved hand, with fingers and thumb exposed, she squeezes a small gel form; central body pulsing green, two smallish protuberances at the top pulse red, and a third protuberance, slightly longer pulsing blue. [ It's all about Freud. *g* ]
CHIANA:
( murmuring )
And, this.
Examining another blob.
CHIANA:
Mmm, porn.
( laughs )
Across the cabin John is sitting quietly in one of the Pilot seats, his fingers a light tracery across his lips-- deep in thought, and flash cut to ...
[ Memory sequence - events from Natural Election and Promises;
Aeryn and John crouched together in the Atmospheric Scrubber.
JOHN:
I figure a relationship-is based on trust
AERYN:
I didn't want to tell you about the pregnancy until I was sure.
Aeryn protecting Scorpius...
CHIANA:
What's he doin' here? What does he want?
AERYN:
He wants asylum.
sequence ends... flash cut back to the pod ]
CHIANA:
Crichton... you've gotta try these.
John doesn't respond, still lost in thought.
CHIANA:
Crichton!
JOHN:
What?
CHIANA:
You're doin' it again.
JOHN:
What?
CHIANA:
Zoning.
JOHN:
( guiltily )
No, no. I was just... thinking.
He returns his attention to the pod, doing a bad job of faking that he was thinking about piloting.
CHIANA:
Well, the Aeryn in your head can wait.
He peers at her from the corner of his eye.
CHIANA:
Come on... come play these games with me.
JOHN:
Games? Looks like... some kind of sick-- root.
CHIANA:
( laughs )
It's organic matrix. Reality games. Simulations. Press the flesh.
She puts the blob down on the floor, pressing her fingers into the back. She gasps, throwing her head back, the blob pulses blue and she's completely out of it.
CONTAINMENT CELL - MOYA
Moving a piece of Crichton's makeshift chess set, Sikozu captures one of Scorpius's black pieces.
SCORPIUS:
Mm, Sikozu... if you were to open the door... we could play properly.
TRANSPORT POD
JOHN:
Chiana? Pip.
Getting up, he moves to the back of the pod, carefully stepping around Chiana, then bending down, leaning over her shoulder.
JOHN:
You know, you're completely vulnerable.
He thumps her lightly on the shoulder before continuing back, manipulating controls at a small console behind the pilots station.
JOHN:
Pilot, Moya, hey, where are you guys? I need to get a fix on your position.
D'ARGO:
( over comms )
Crichton...
JOHN:
Yo, D! How ya doin' man?
Chiana shudders again, gasping.
CORRIDORS - MOYA
D'Argo marches down the corridor, Noranti scuttling behind him [here's where I lose focus, 'cause D is in his S3 kit; flowing royal robes, heavy shoulder pads], Aeryn behind Noranti; brief glimpse of a small tank top with narrow shoulder straps; hair secured behind her head.
D'ARGO:
Crichton, where are you?
TRANSPORT POD
CHIANA:
You have got to see this.
Chi scrambles to her feet.
CORRIDORS - MOYA
NORANTI:
Tell him about Scorpius!
TRANSPORT POD
JOHN:
Not right now, Chiana.
She moves in close while he listens.
CORRIDORS - MOYA
D'ARGO:
Crichton, we're having a small problem with Scorpius.
TRANSPORT POD
CHIANA:
You have got to try this one!
JOHN:
Hang on a sec!
She slaps the glob onto his hand, her bare fingers pressing down. They both spasm backward, heads rocking back on shoulders and...
Cut to a rapid pan right, a spiral of brightly colored doors, and...
Cut to...
GAME MATRIX
John and Chiana stand in a corridor of the Gammak Base, their clothes have altered to that which they wore during that ill fated excursion. John rocks unsteadily on his feet, reaching out to grip Chiana's shoulders in unbelief and a bit of shock. He clutches at the pulse pistol tucked into his waistband. Chi giggles happily.
JOHN:
What the hell?
CHIANA:
Hey, wait.
JOHN:
Son of a...
Chi holds up a finger, head cocked.
CHIANA:
Hey, wait for it. Wait for it.
At the far end of the corridor, a slight, shadowed figure appears followed by a familiar voice.
GILINA:
This way!
She crosses to the other side of the corridor, clinging to the wall, hesitating before darting down a side corridor.
GILINA:
( frantic )
You have to hurry!
Chiana's mouth pops open in mock surprise, hands spread wide... a 'what'd I tell you?' look. John stares blankly, turning to Chi.
JOHN:
Gilina?
CHIANA:
( grins )
Come on, we gotta hurry!
She dances away, all about ready to play; urging him to follow.
CHIANA:
Come on!
But his gaze is caught by another figure descending the stairway at the opposite end of the hall. A familiar figure in scaly black leather.
JOHN:
Whoa!
John rips the pulse pistol from his belt, leveling it at Scorpius. He and Chiana back away.
JOHN:
( uncertain )
This is just a game...
Scorpius lifts his own pulse pistol, advancing on the retreating pair.
JOHN:
... right?
CHIANA:
Drad, huh?
They continue retreating, stepping quickly backward as Scorpius continues to advance.
CHIANA:
Bring back memories?
Still backing rapidly, they don't note Gilina, still standing behind them at the junction of the corridor.
CHIANA:
Gilina. Scorpius-- Gammak Base.
Scorpius stops advancing; an evil leer on his face. John stops retreating and they pause at the junction, vague uncertainty and unease on his face. Before anything else can happen, another figure leaps from the junction packing serious heat.
STARK:
( shouting )
I'll save you!
Stark fires the multiple barreled pulse rifle. Turning to look back at John before the smoke clears.
JOHN:
Stark?
Making it a question in more ways that one, as Stark is a familiar figure, yet the mask is on the 'wrong' side of his face.
Cut to a rapid pan right, a spiral of brightly colored doors, and...
John and Chiana stand in an artificial landscape. John now outfitted in brown trousers and boots, a ragged white shirt topped by a metal breastplate and a battered Conquistador type helmet on his head; Chi in a brightly colored outfit, a floppy striped hat perched jauntily on her head.
JOHN:
Now, this is...
Chi looks down, examining her bright blue vest and extremely well fitted golden boots and trousers.
CHIANA:
This is weird.
JOHN:
... not right.
John slides the plain metal shield from his left arm and tosses it to the ground with a dull clank, he turns around; steadying the scabbarded long sword at his hip.
CHIANA:
We shouldn't just-- we shouldn't just switch levels like that.
John turns, examining the large door of the structure behind them, its faux wooden surface obviously painted-- theater production style. Shot pulls back for a look at the 'set': a green path leads to a large 'castle', its triple towers reminiscent of the design of the commerce planet in Premiere. A row of large matching construction paper trees border the path to the castle along with pots of large, bright yellow flowers.
JOHN:
No, no, no. I mean, somebody's messing with us.
CHIANA:
Well, I'm sure there's some really good techno-babble...
John walks toward the door while Chi turns and picks a flower; he's working himself toward 'thoroughly pissed'.
JOHN:
You know what? Screw the explanation, Chiana! We got a problem with Scorpy on Moya, and pods do not fly themselves! We need out!
Interrupted by the distant sound of a woman's voice.
WOMAN:
Help!
John turns, looking up the massive structure of the castle, its upper battlements shrouded in fine white clouds.
WOMAN:
Help!
Cut to the balcony at the uppermost point of the castle, a woman stands at the edge peering down at her stalwart, potential rescuers. Wearing what looks to be a light blue gown with a painfully tight bodice and flowing sleeves, the woman's bright blonde hair done in an elaborate style. And good-god, it's Aeryn, i.e., Damsel in Distress(tm).
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
Help.
Cut to angle down on John, utterly stunned; and speechless, for a moment.
JOHN:
( dazed mutter )
Cool.
He turns, to Chiana, eyeing her with mild annoyance.
JOHN:
Now I know somebody's messing with us. We gotta end this now.
CHIANA:
Just say you want out.
JOHN:
I want out.
CHIANA:
Yep.
His gaze slides away, suspicion narrowing his eyes. She waits expectantly. Nothing happens.
CHIANA:
That's standard override. Try again.
JOHN:
I want... out.
More nothing happening. Chi starting to look a bit nervous.
JOHN:
( shouting )
I.Want.Out!
John's outspread arms drop to his thighs with a frustrated slap as more of absolutely nothing at all happens.
A high pitched whistling sound intrudes on the silence and cut to angle up on the castle, a tiny object in the distance growing larger as it falls. They both look up. Angle down on John, tiny in the distance, rapidly growing larger as the object drops. John stands, feet rooted to the spot, but Chiana- never having been exposed to the misadventures of Wiley Coyote- darts to the side, off the path.
Cut to the falling object; close enough to identify. A large console style black and white television with four long and spindly legs; a brief glimpse of a black & white image on the screen [Aeryn done in damsel drag] as it tumbles toward him.
Cut to close on John, angle down, a gorgeously funny resigned expression; zooming to extreme close as the shadow of the box drops over his face. Cut to no-signal static to accompany the sound of impact [ouch].
Cut to opening credits, the montage image of John intercut with the no-signal static... very funny, clearing before the opening crescendo ends.
ROLL OPENING CREDITS
ACT I
Fade in, just shortly after the tag closing.
The sound of twittering birds over close shot on the blank television screen, small tendrils of smoke trickling from the edges as the shot pulls back.
John lies flat out on his back, arms and legs spread-eagle, a console television for a head. [poor baby. hehe]
CHIANA:
Hey.
Stepping back onto the path, Chiana leans over him.
CHIANA:
Ouch.
Her body slightly angled, is reflected in the blank screen.
CHIANA:
Hey, you okay?
John coughs, arms twitching slightly. She tosses the blue flower away and 'knocks' on the screen.
CHIANA:
Anyone home?
JOHN:
( slurred )
What happened?
She helps him tilt the box back onto its legs, both fail to notice Stark standing behind them. He eyes them sourly with a mild frown, leaning against the door, one elbow propped on the large doorknob, fingers interlaced. His mask still conceals the wrong side of his face, and this time medium length reddish hair adorns the visible half of his head.
CHIANA:
I'm not sure. Something's gone fekkik up.
Grunting, John crawls out from under the television.
JOHN:
Damn, that hurt.
CHIANA:
But I wouldn't...
She notices a length of metal protruding from the top of his helmet, and cut briefly to a grainy video close-up of his helmet, her fingers examining the object while tiny sparks fly.
CHIANA:
...I wouldn't try and move that. Yeah, it might make things worse.
Still kneeling behind the television, John's fingers fly to the helmet, scrabbling over the surface, feeling the perforation and the length of metal.
JOHN:
Oh, my god. How...?
He looks around wildly.
JOHN:
Stark.
CHIANA:
( whispering )
Stark.
JOHN:
You're here.
STARK:
I'm supposed to be here. I am everywhere.
He steps away from the door, assuming a dramatic pose, hands on hips.
STARK:
I am 'Stark'- avatar, guide to the game embodied!
CHIANA:
You're the avatar?
Short harmonic sound, as when Mario claims a gold coin.
Stark circles around Chiana, stalking toward John, who is still kneeling behind the television, arms draped across the top. Stark is 'most' annoyed.
STARK:
What are you doing here? All players are supposed to begin at the Gammak Base.
Still looking a bit disoriented and shaky, John pries his gaze from Stark and turns toward Chiana, annoyance returning.
JOHN:
Pip?
CHIANA:
What do you want me to do? The auto-out didn't work.
STARK:
Oh, dear.
CHIANA:
Oh, dear?
JOHN:
Oh, dear?
Cut to the interior of the transport pod. John and Chiana still out of it; right hands joined over the pulsing game matrix. Close on John, brow furrowed as though straining to open his eyes.
Cut to exterior space as the pod continues on route but unguided.
Cut to a large circular room, a long table at the center. Filing cabinets, shelves and various office type detritus line the wall and partially conceal various doors painted in primary colors on the curved wall.
Stark, John and Chiana stand around the table, the console television, lying on its side, taking up much of one end; the guts of the television; pulled out, clutter the middle of the table. Stark, fiddling with the guts of the television, eyes John and Chiana on the opposite side, grilling them for details.
STARK:
You say you were on a transport pod... alone?
CHIANA:
Mmm.
STARK:
Just you two? That's not very smart.
John, probing tenderly at the length of metal imbedded in his skull through the helmet, grits his teeth in badly disguised annoyance...
JOHN:
Right. So, we'd, like, out now please?
Chiana circles the table while Stark fiddles with a handful of wires.
STARK:
I'm afraid it's not that easy. Could be broken.
CHIANA:
Okay.
Chiana pounces, pushing Stark back against the table, her dagger at his throat.
CHIANA:
Stark-- some questions... who's the designer of the game?
STARK:
Yoti.
CHIANA:
Neural template?
STARK:
Yours truly, and an infusion of the dead John Crichton's memories.
JOHN:
Excuse me; you saw my memories?
STARK:
Yeah.
He gently pries Chiana off, she backs away willingly.
STARK:
You appear to have back-doored into a part of the game that, technically speaking, shouldn't even exist.
( beat )
So, you're kind of stuck I think.
JOHN:
Chiana-- Scorpius!
CHIANA:
Ah, stop being such a welnitz. Brain damage and death is--
JOHN:
Brain damage?!
CHIANA:
It's very rare.
( beat )
It's very rare.
Still fiddling with the bundle of wiring, Stark slides mostly out of frame, fiddling with the television. Chi and John's 'discussion' cut off when the television cuts on, prompted by Stark's sharp slap against the side. A familiar, slightly synthesized voice fills the silence following.
JOHN-as-MAX [O.S.]:
Wel-wel-welcome.
Cut to long on the room. John and Chi circling around to view the image on the television. Anyone having seen the short lived series 'Max Headroom' needs no further description; but in the interest of those who haven't...
The shot pulls to close on the sideways view of the image on the screen; sideways as the television is still on its right side and the shot doesn't rotate to accommodate us. On the screen is a head a shoulders shot of John Crichton, suit and tie, quite dapper, no CGI distortion of his normal features as in the 'real' Max. A black backdrop to this image with horizontal lines of neon blue. The image continues to unreel its message.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
My name is John Crichton-Crichton. The most notorious criminal in the known universe.
STARK:
( annoyed growl )
Too general. I need the manual.
John and Chiana circle to the end of the table, moving shoulder to shoulder even as they 'tilt' slightly to the side, watching the television.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
I may look Sebacean, but I'm not-not-not.
Typical of Max, the image shuttles in quick cuts, zooming in and out with the repeated words. John and Chi tilt their heads to better observe this phenomenon. Signs of possible malfunctions as some words stutter mid-consonant.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
Billions upon b-b-billions upon billions of lives hang in the b-b-balance.
Max continues his message while Stark slides a filing cabinet drawer open and removes a large white goose, tossing it away. The goose flutters to the ground. Rooting around in the drawer, Stark removes a large golden egg, shaking it, tossing it away when the contents clatter.
JOHN-as-MAX [O.S.]:
Hang in the b-b-balance. I may look Sebacean. Hang in the b-b-balance. Your mission, should you choose to accept it--
Cut back to close on Max, blue eyes glinting.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
You're mission, should you choose to accept it-- Journey... to the source of evil-evil. Discover the darkness.
Max grins charmingly, John watching, head canted to the side.
JOHN:
( muttering )
I'm gonna kill Stark.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
Discover the darkness-discover the darkness. Erp-erp.
( grinning )
Have a good day.
Max glancing to the side just as another sharp slap to the side, and the television switches off. Stark holds up a large book, a woodcut image of the triple turreted tower on the cover.
JOHN:
Huh.
STARK:
Manual.
He slams it on the table, opening it randomly and paging through while he mutters.
STARK:
Ah, specifications, specifications...
John and Chi circle back to stand across from Stark again.
STARK:
Ah, here we are.
Leaning in to blow away a goose feather, he snags a large illuminated jewelers magnifier mounted on an articulation arm, reading from the text. In a really odd Star Wars homage, the words on the paper appear on screen, slowly scrolling upward as he reads. The image is reversed, black text on white background.
STARK:
( reading rapidly )
"In farthest space,
beyond the knowing charts
the horrid human and his band appear."
"And though they play today at different parts,
the core of subtle truth beneath is clear."
"The path of choice may draw you dark and deep
where flesh deformed doth keep the dream alive."
"And if the way your compass cannot keep,
some pearls of wisdom to thee do I give."
He laughs, a short bark of triumph.
STARK:
Ha! This should do it!
He adjusts the magnifier toward John and Chiana, peering at them through it with a magnified eyeball.
STARK:
"Your quest is for the Princess Fair to seek."
"The one a human's fleeting love did rend."
"Bring forth the sword and through the darkness peek."
"One loving kiss amends,"
"and there's an end."
"And if we shades with taste do not agree;
a door of green shall set your senses free."
He pushes the magnifier away revealing a costume change, tossing the blue befeathered hat away. Lovely blonde Prince Valiant hair over his masked head. French Renaissance? Varying shades of red stripes and bloused sleeves, body and short trousers, wide ruffled collar. [Check out some screen captures, 'cause this is just too silly.]
CHIANA:
That was great! What was that?
STARK:
Your way out. Kiss the princess.
JOHN:
Kiss a princess?
STARK:
The Princess, and you're out. Or... find a green door.
( shrugs )
Either way--
Slight flourish and Stark whips three small white balls from [no snickering] the small pouch/purse at his waist.
STARK:
Vouchers.
He tosses each, one at a time, to John.
STARK:
Each one good for one answer to one question.
John slips them away.
STARK:
Squeeze them hard; use them well.
( beat )
Times up. Games on. Good luck. Have fun. The tower's up but up is down. Follow the path through the fairy town.
A broad flourish and swoop of the cape and he's gone. Long beat while John considers.
JOHN:
I have... some questions.
CHIANA:
( musing )
Path?
Close on a large book painted on the floor, the central image is the large tower bracketed top and bottom with the words, 'A Grim' at the top, and 'Fairy Tale' at the bottom. [ Okay, and it just strikes me that the tower looks like a prowler; central structure, sleek and aerodynamic, pointed at the top [nose], and the two opposing towers, starting at midpoint and ending in vicious points even with the 'nose'. Cool. ]
CHIANA:
Up... is down. Start lookin'!
A trail of golden coins like breadcrumbs along the floor and leading 'up' the wall to a tiny red door.
CHIANA:
Kiss the princess, you gotta like that.
JOHN:
I have a list of reasons why I ain't gonna like any of this. Would you call that...
( pointing )
a path?
Hands clasped, they follow the short path to the door in the wall.
JOHN:
These things look like chocolate coins.
They both reach toward the door, which is about the size of a shoebox, their fingers touching the tiny knob. Shot rocks up rapidly, fading to a spiral of multicolored doors; red, blue, yellow, pale purple, gold, red, light brown...
John and Chiana stagger out of a heavy white mist, perhaps residuals of the painted clouds in the room. Chiana keeps her feet but sprawls onto her hands before regaining balance, John dropping slowly to one knee.
They're in the middle of an empty parking garage [Same as from Won't Get Fooled Again].
CHIANA:
Frell me!
She rights herself, laughing brightly. A small yellow door, about half her height, stands in the next parking spot over, a larger red door a further distance behind them. [ Should've never said he hated mazes, eh? ]
CHIANA:
That's a path.
Grabbing an arm, she pulls John back to his feet.
JOHN:
Hey, what happens if I die in here?
They wander aimlessly into the garage, level E5. Across the garage, more doors standing at various points and to accompany them, a multicolored van; they move vaguely in that direction while Chiana enlightens him.
CHIANA:
Uh, game death, it resets on the current level.
JOHN:
Yeah, unless normal operation is suspended.
He's looking around, taking in the sights, just slightly 'off'. Chiana works at adjusting her trousers. [A repeat of similar motions from end of Act IV, Natural Election].
JOHN:
You see a green door?
Close enough to the van for details; Mostly shades of purple with a thin stripe of yellow on the skirt. A shadowy neon green hand shape imprinted in the center.
CHIANA:
What do you suppose is in there?
John eyes it warily while they approach.
JOHN:
With our luck?
( beat )
Maldis.
Closer for more details: in the center of the green hand is a smaller blue hand, large enough to cover the entire side door. In the palm of the hand is an eye. [Hm. A left eye.] On either side of the hand, words painted in white proclaim services to be rendered by the owner of the van. On the driver's side [oops, nope, Australia, it's the passenger's side] door: "PALMS READ" and below that a small ringed planet with "STARS" beside it. On the rear quarter panel: "HYPNOSIS" and below that, "FORTUNE TELLER".
The van is rocking vigorously and we immediately wonder if they oughta' come a' knockin'.
Chi grips the hilt of her sword as they edge nearer, peering through the red curtains hanging inside the windows. A shadowed bald head rocking back and forth, a muttered chant barely audible but familiar, over the squeaking metal.
They leap back as the door slides open without warning. John quickly unsheathing his sword. The open door revealing a heavyset blue male, obviously Delvian. The blue gown he wears is off his shoulders, gathered around his waist, oddly, he looks more like a blue Buddha.
[Brief break for Ben appreciation. The man 'playing' Zhaan is Rowan Woods. For those who do not know, and shame on ya-- Mr. Woods normally plays the role of recurring 'scape director, having helmed such treasures as Back, And Back, And Back, To The Future; Thank God It's Friday, Again.; A Human Reaction; Nerve; Taking The Stone; Home On The Remains; Won't Get Fooled Again; A Clockwork Nebari; Die Me Dichotomy; The Choice; Into the Lion's Den, Part Two: Wolf in Sheep's Clothing; and the two-parter, What Was Lost, Parts 1 & 2: Sacrifice & Resurrection. How Ben roped him into this remains a mystery, but we get a gigantic grin just thinkin' about it. He does a masterful job here. We need him on screen more often.] Oh, and because his brow actually 'furrows' and we see the back of his skull as well as the sides and front, we know that Mr. Woods gamely allowed his head to be shaved for the part.
MAN:
Hey, man.
He steps out of the van, brushing the point of John's sword aside.
MAN:
Oh... relax, tagama. I am Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan.
Smiling warmly, he turns to a slightly gape mouthed Chiana.
BIG ZHAAN:
Tenth level Delvian priest. Blood kin to the piezor who beat Scorpy's ass.
He graces John with a wide, sharklike smile.
BIG ZHAAN:
And you...
( to Chiana )
and you-- you're invading my parking space.
He turns to climb back into the van.
BIG ZHAAN:
Now, frell off.
Chi blocks his exit with the length of her blade.
CHIANA:
Hey, w-where... where, ah... where?
BIG ZHAAN:
I know who you are. You're a couple of pilgrims on some damn-fool quest.
John scowls, shaking his head. The length of metal obviously a bit of a migraine.
CHIANA:
Hey, he's hurt.
BIG ZHAAN:
He's hurt?
CHIANA:
Yeah.
Scowling slightly the guy steps closer, John backing slightly but not raising the sword-- much.
BIG ZHAAN:
Well, he's gonna be more hurt... if he tries to kiss the princess.
John wavers slightly, brow slightly pinched; doesn't know what the frell is going on. Definitely not at his best.
BIG ZHAAN:
The ogre'll get him.
JOHN:
O-ogre?
In answer, the guy stomps a large bare foot on John's booted one. John grunts, practically hopping on one foot.
JOHN:
Oh! Ah...
Not much chance to favor a sore foot however, 'cause to take his mind off of it, Zhaan plows a blue fist into his face. Another grunt and John topples backward, felled like a tree, loud clanking sound as metal breastplate and helmet impact the concrete, feet flying into the air. [Pratfalls; gotta love 'em]
Zhaan grins, and Chi turns from her fallen companion to the large Delvian, a large grin on her own. Zhaan steps forward, leaning over John.
BIG ZHAAN:
( gently )
Be still.
John lifts his head, blinking stupidly.
BIG ZHAAN:
It's gonna hurt...
( grinning )
alot.
With one blue hand pressing down on the collar of the breast plate, Zhaan grips the length of metal protruding from the helmet in the other and... yanks.
John howls, long and loud until his head drops back with another clank of metal. Checked out for now.
Zhaan eyes about five inches of sharpened bloody metal.
Cut to forward view of the van, panning up across the covered spare tire; large yellow flower painted there, to the interior-- through the windshield.
CHIANA [O.S.]:
He doesn't look so good.
Cut to the interior of the van. [Brace for gross out moment[s] of the week.] Zhaan's tongue darts out, tasting the blood on the length of metal.
BIG ZHAAN:
Yep, he's bad. He's goin' south.
John's sprawled, unconscious, on a pile of pillows; Chiana strokes his cheek lightly. 'Zhaan' starts to moan urgently.
BIG ZHAAN:
It's milkin' time baby! Hamman side looma for the cure!
Chi hands him a gold goblet.
BIG ZHAAN:
Thank you.
Still groaning he tucks the cup under the blue material of his gown; now pulled up over his shoulders. He groans in relief while we wait a beat [and I try not to clap my hands over my eyes and go, "oh, oh, no." and giggle insanely. ]
BIG ZHAAN:
( sighing )
Yeah.
( beat )
Better get ready to keep him quiet.
Chi turns to John, stroking a gloved finger down his cheek again.
BIG ZHAAN:
The ogre's not gonna let you kiss her, you know.
CHIANA:
Hm?
BIG ZHAAN:
He'll be jealous.
CHIANA:
Feed him, you fannik!
BIG ZHAAN:
Okay, here's the good stuff. Here it is.
Zhaan lifts the blue material from the goblet, offering it to Chiana. She eyes the [uh] 'milky' fluid suspiciously; like a good friend, and slaps it out of his hand. The cup flies away, landing with a muted clatter among the pillows and throws of various colors; the liquid bubbles and steams.
CHIANA:
Acid!
She pounces, pressing her dagger to his throat.
CHIANA:
Okay, try-- the other looma.
BIG ZHAAN:
( grinning )
Very good little nixa. Most get burnt the first time.
She backs off slowly.
BIG ZHAAN:
Here we go... other looma. Next time lucky. Unless the ogre gets wind of this, then there'll be trouble.
He pulls the goblet from beneath the blue gown, same [uh] 'milky' fluid inside.
BIG ZHAAN:
Okay, here's my boy.
Leaning over John to pour the contents into his mouth [okay, squicky much?], Chiana [ohgod] helping steady the cup.
BIG ZHAAN:
Keep it down... keep it down.
He pulls the cup away when John chokes; the [oy] fluid spurting from his mouth and trickling down his jaw. Chiana pats him on the chest, good boy drinkin' his... uh... medicine... Zhaan pulls back, looking just a bit worried. They don't have long to wait.
John sits bolt upright, screaming.
Cut to the main game room, the side mounted television displays a close of John screaming, pull back to long while he screams, the goose sitting on top of the box.
Cut back to the van, close on John screaming, Chiana screams; Zhaan screams. John flops down on his back, scream cut off-- mid-scream. He starts convulsing weakly. [Nothing not funny here.]
BIG ZHAAN:
This is bad! Ooh, he had to hear that! Buckle up, buckle up, buckle up!
Zhaan maneuvers into the drivers seat.
Chiana tries to hold John down while he flops comically on the pillows.
CHIANA:
Who had to hear?!
BIG ZHAAN:
The Big Kahuna!
He peers out the windshield, looking 'up'. Faux yellow fur in the dash.
BIG ZHAAN:
It's the ogre! It's him!!
The van 'peels out', tires screeching, and shot goes to 'split screen'; a thick black line separating the left and right sides of the screen.
The van circles about in the parking garage while we're treated to various shots of the gaudily decorated van interior and the empty parking garage as the van lumbers around in circles, neatly avoiding support structures, and passing various helpful signage such as: 'Level 6'; 'Parking-upper levels'; 'Way Out'; 'No Entry', obviously ignored as the van speeds past; 'H6' and 'E5' on each side respectively for a while, very interesting. We get a brief glimpse of the opposite side of the van as it speeds past in the left side: "Flower Power" adorning it in white letters on a green background, yellow daisy-head type flowers replacing the 'o's.
The van screeches to a halt, cutting away from split screen on the side of the van.
BIG ZHAAN:
Get out! Get out!
Pausing for only moments before peeling out again, tires squealing.
The van clears the shot, revealing John sprawled on his back on the concrete, arms outspread, almost covering a trail of gold coins beneath him, Chiana's feet straddle his hips. She kneels over him, slapping his face semi-gently. He jerks, helmet clanking against the ground.
JOHN:
( mumbling )
I don't wanna...
His eyes peel open and he catches a glimpse of the van as it disappears around a pylon, still mumbling, but only slightly incoherent.
JOHN:
... Zhaan.
CHIANA:
Yeah.
JOHN:
Oh, the horror.
CHIANA:
( nodding )
The new and improved Zhaan.
She puts a hand on his chin but doesn't or can't turn his head away from the last sighting of the van.
CHIANA:
How are you feelin'?
His tongue steals out, licking his upper lip.
JOHN:
Fruity.
Chi laughs, and...
Cut to close on the trail of gold coins as they scroll by; cut to wide as John and Chiana follow the trail.
JOHN:
If you say so.
CHIANA:
You have to Crichton... or these games will eat you up.
JOHN:
All right, I'll try.
CHIANA:
Just give it a go...
JOHN:
I--
CHIANA:
Give it a go.
Sound of a horse whinnying over John's affirmation.
JOHN:
I said I'll-- oh.
Shot wide on the garage; further down the trail of coins, Rygel squats on the floor in full plate armor, tiny sword gripped in his fist.
RYGEL:
None shall pass.
[short bark of laughter from the BBQ-- Monty Python and the Holy Grail reference-- here we go.]
JOHN:
( grinning )
Check this out.
Ruffles and flourishes; royal trumpets sounding as John laughs, putting the whole 'taking it less seriously' thing into effect.
JOHN:
( accented )
Brave Sir Knight, I am King Arthur of Camelot.
Gestures grandly back to Chiana.
JOHN:
This is my loyal vassal, Patsy.
RYGEL:
Bollocks! You're a pimped out arrogant fleshie who wants to use my road-- where none shall pass!
John stops, glaring mildly at Rygel.
JOHN:
Right.
Turns and walks back to Chiana. [and oh goodie, chance for continuity errors as he has the chin strap of the helmet undone now. *g*]
CHIANA:
Well, that went great!
( beat )
Let's kill him.
JOHN:
No, no, no. He's not gonna move too fast luggin' all that armor-- we can just go around.
RYGEL:
None... shall... pass!
JOHN:
( nodding )
All right.
Assuming an overly casual manner, John and Chiana start to saunter off the coin trail; flanking maneuver. One that Rygel doesn't fall for. Growling, he turns about and bends over; we get a neato look at Rygel's ass and a gout of flame shoots across the floor toward John and Chi.
CHIANA:
Frell!
JOHN:
Whoa!
They split up, Chiana darting away and John dancing back from the flames.
JOHN:
( shouting )
I thought you said this way!
CHIANA:
I changed... my mind!
Scrape of metal and Chi has dagger and sword in opposing hands. She maneuvers, and Rygel looks from one to the other; momentarily confused.
RYGEL:
Huh?
John makes a move and Rygel looks back toward him.
RYGEL:
Huh?!
Chi takes the advantage; charging, weapons extended. Rygel whirls, taking aim with his butt and shooting flame at her. She leaps over the flame, rolling from her shoulder to her side and 'slides across the floor' doing her 'Chi War-Whoop'.
One of her blades piercing Rygel at his most vulnerable point and he screams before exploding in a huge fireball. Chi tumbling out of harms way. [uh huh-- buncha giddy twelve year olds made this one. *g*]
John eyes the smoking remains from a safe distance.
JOHN:
Whoa.
Laughing, Chi waves her arm through the smoke rising from the charred torso between them, but there is no sign of the trail of gold coins on her side, they lead to the smoking corpse and then end.
JOHN:
Hey, Pip... you see a path?
CHIANA:
No. No, I don't.
In the Transport Pod John and Chiana remain frozen in the same position, heads arched slightly back, hands fused over the pulsing game matrix. No sound except Chiana's slight gasps and the roar of the engine.
JOHN [V.O.]:
I said to wait!
Cut to close on profile two-shot; John furious, Chiana looking chastened.
JOHN:
But no, you want to play games while Scorpy is on the ship! Not to mention the potential brain damage, Chiana.
CHIANA:
A green door. We need a green door, just-- just ask. Voucher.
JOHN:
Voucher-- one question, one answer.
Close on John's hand, a small white ball in his fingers, then clenched in his hand-- it glows green.
Below them, Stark's face appears in the still flickering flames.
STARK:
Warm tonight, or is it just me?
JOHN:
Stark, we want out.
STARK:
The tower's up, but up is down. Follow the path through the fairy town. Later!
The flames wink out.
JOHN:
( shouting )
Stark, you get your ass back here now or I'm gonna come kick your lily white...
He trails off, spotting what looks like Stark's charred head nestled among Rygel's remains.
CHIANA:
That's it.
She kicks the remains aside, the disembodied head bouncing across the floor, revealing a round porthole cover. John's a little grossed, slightly shocked.
JOHN:
What are you doin'?
CHIANA:
Follow the path. The path ends here.
She stomps on the portal and...
Cut to a rapid pan spiral of doors and...
Cut to John and Chiana dropping down into the main game room.
Massively startled, 'D'Argo' spins around, arms flailing. And, oh geez, he's dressed in a hideously inspired set of Leiderhosen. [tut tut] Suspended from the ceiling in the barred globe from the LGM trilogy, are Chiana and Jool, tricked out like witches; complete with pointy hats.
D'ARGO:
Okay, what are you doing here?!
CAGED-CHIANA:
Hey, Gretel... you think they're here to eat?
John and Chiana struggle to their feet.
JOHN:
Uh... we're just passin' through?
Behind a largely menacing looking D'Argo, aside from the Leiderhosen, is another new addition to the room; a row of very large suckers.
D'ARGO:
The Princess.
JOOL:
( whining )
Please.
D'ARGO:
The ogre's gonna have my hide if I let you go without some... molestation.
Fixed view of a large green door on the other side of the room while Jool whines.
JOOL [O.S.]:
Frell you, handsome... why is it never my...
D'Argo giggles maniacally, chasing Chi around the table at a slow jog. Brief split screen effect while John babbles.
JOHN:
Hey, look, we-we-we don't wanna kiss the Princess, we just want that, that green door there.
Jool distracts D'Argo with a constant stream of high pitched whining.
JOOL:
Please, please, please. Eat me, please, it's my turn.
( and so on, mostly unintelligible )
D'Argo grabs the bottom of the cage, hanging there while he screams some long drawn out advice.
D'ARGO:
( screaming )
Shut up!
Until out of breath, but effectively cutting her off. He drops back to the floor, sighing. Turns back to John and Chi, again affecting a casual air.
D'ARGO:
Okay. So you want out.
Brief split screen again showing various shots of D'Argo and the girls in the cage.
D'ARGO:
No Princess, no taste, no, ah...
( whistles )
CHIANA:
Now, this... is too easy.
Nevertheless, they circle the table, maneuvering toward the green door.
CAGED-CHIANA:
She tastes great... Ah... she tastes real great.
D'ARGO:
( softly )
Go on.
They circle round the room, moving rapidly behind the suckers.
D'ARGO:
( sing-song )
That's it. That's it. Go to the door.
John grabs the doorknob, audible clacking as he turns it. D'Argo lashes out with his tongue and Chiana drops and...
Cut to rapid pan swirl of colored doors and...
Cut to Transport Pod, John and Chiana arch back, both groaning.
John falls away from his rigid position, collapsing to his knees beside a still motionless Chiana. He doesn't note it immediately.
JOHN:
( gasping )
Damn! Way too long in that thing.
Glances up at Chi.
JOHN:
Pip, come on!
He bolts across the cabin to the forward control console.
JOHN:
Pilot? Aeryn. D'Argo!
Cut to corridors on Moya; D'Argo entering with Aeryn close behind; again with the S3 outfit for D'Argo and the very fashionable mini-tank for Aeryn. Both have weapons out and ready.
D'ARGO:
Crichton, where the frell are you?!
Cut back to the transport pod, John still breathless, short shallow breaths punctuating his uncertainty.
JOHN:
Ah, just tryin' to get home Auntie Em. Hey, you guys got a problem?
D'ARGO:
Scorpius.
JOHN:
Just do not tell me that he has escaped!
D'ARGO:
He has. And there's a Command Carrier on the way.
Fade to black on John's very grim expression.
END ACT I
ACT II
Fade in on CGI shot of Transport pod, shifting to the interior as John's urgent voice sounds. In the beginning of the act the shot shifts between John and the still unaware Chiana in the pod, and D'Argo and Aeryn on the hunt in Moya; communications by comms interspersed.
JOHN:
D'Argo, how the hell did that happen?
D'ARGO:
We're still working on that. We've got lots of bugs in Moya's systems.
Aeryn and D'Argo stagger as Moya lurches beneath them.
JOHN:
( sharp annoyance )
Oh, great. Well, what does Sikozu say about that?
D'ARGO:
Haven't heard from her since the escape.
AERYN:
But Pilot's losing control of critical systems.
JOHN:
Right, right, right. We will be there ASAP.
He bolts back toward Chiana.
JOHN:
Chiana, damn it, wake up!
She's unresponsive and he's practically frantic with haste.
JOHN:
( muttering to self )
All right.
( beat )
All right. How the hell... does this thing come off?
He fumbles with Chiana's fingers, still pressed to the pulsing multi-colored matrix; his fingers slip between hers, pressing down, and they both grunt; heads rocking back on shoulders and...
Fade to rapid pan right on a spiral of primary colored doors on a blue wall and...
John's back in the main game room, the wall bedecked door behind him, helmet weighting his head backward as he looks around, orienting himself. The orb change anchored in the ceiling only holds one girl, long red hair beneath the pointed hat.
Sword in hand, John advances into the room.
JOHN:
Where's Chiana?
Shot of the Gray Witch tied and slumped unconscious on a pile of bags, barrels of foodstuffs behind her.
Standing behind the table, D'Argo works at prepping some veggies, knife in one hand.
D'ARGO:
Ah, she's too boney. Probably tastes like fish... you don't want to eat her.
Across the elaborately set table, a large covered silver serving dish between them, John shifts uncertainly, foot to foot, his gaze skittering around the room.
D'ARGO:
The bloody bitch bites.
In the cage, Jool bitterly complains.
JOOL:
What am I, chopped liver?!
JOHN:
I do not have time for this.
JOOL:
How come nobody ever wants to eat me?!
He pulls out another small white ball, clenching it in his fist, then looks around expectantly, a brief moment and then a muffled voice answers his call.
STARK:
( muffled )
In here.
JOHN:
Where?
He looks around, to the silver serving dish, the source of the muffled voice.
STARK:
( muffled )
In here!
Leaning on the table, John lifts the large domed lid from the tray, another dome beneath-- Stark's head, surrounded by leafy green goodness and a large ruffled collar. He looks up at John.
STARK:
Back so soon?
( pouting )
And I thought you didn't like us.
JOHN:
Where's Chiana?
STARK:
Could you be more-- specific?
John levels the point of the sword at Stark's eye.
JOHN:
Little gray girl... a sword, and a fluffy hat.
STARK:
Girl of gray with swords of play. Girl of gray went that-a-way.
Stark's head tilts, indicating a large blue door across the room. John crosses the room, stepping over a pile of bones, presses a button on the side of the door and a mild beep sounds.
STARK:
Wait for it...
John turns back toward Stark.
STARK:
Mind the gap.
Behind John the door opens, left and right panels separating... it's an elevator. John turns and steps inside, turning back to grace Stark with one last glare as the doors close.
Inside the elevator soft music plays and the shot is close on three columns of white buttons with large black numbers, shot pans up for quite a while, uppermost-or highest numbered floor: 60. John's finger runs aimlessly along the column of buttons, and he mutters to himself, using scientific method to select a destination.
JOHN:
( muttering )
eenie, meenie, minie--
Cut off as the image of Max flicks on in the small monitor by his shoulder. He eyes it with that lovely blank annoyance.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
Floor please.
JOHN:
( muttering )
Me.
He looks away, can't believe he's being made to endure this, mild look of long suffering annoyance, the same in his voice. Flat. Annoyance.
JOHN:
Where the gray girl went.
JOHN-as-MAX:
Oh-oh-oh-oh. The Penthouse. Mm.
John can't help a short, wryly amused laugh. Max leans in, eyes twinkling, leering just slightly.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
Do you have an appointment?
JOHN:
You know, this'd be vaguely amusing if I wasn't in a hurry.
Ah, but he is amused, just not in safe way, Shadow of a smile lurking around the edges of his mouth.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
It's your funeral.
( beat )
So-so-so-so, what-what brings you here? Business? Pleasure?
John rolls his eyes, incidentally examining the floor button panel again, a tiny white spotlight scrolling down the numbers.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
That's a nice sword you've got?
John hangs his head, leaning on the railing with one hand, his other on the hilt of the sword, tip resting on the floor, unamused tension in his arms and face, head cocking back toward the insistently charming image on the screen. Patience about running its course.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
Ever slay any dragons with it? You should give it a name. How about... Cameron or... Uma-Uma-Uma?
John glares at 'himself', an amused/surprised glare. Max pulls back a bit, ah-ha...
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
First floor-first floor. Little lost girls. Have a good day.
Max cocks his gorgeous head, smiling with every ounce of charm he possesses, and the screen flickers to black.
Elevator doors scroll open on an empty parking garage, and a very large and annoyed Scarran done up as Little Red Riding Hood. About to step out of the elevator, John steps back instead, bringing his sword up.
JOHN:
Whoa!
The hooded Scarran lunges toward him and we get an abrupt view of the contents of his basket-- a couple of severed heads, one a Keedva [ Whoo hoo! hehe ] and the other appears to be a human male, unrecognizable, throat horribly torn [ we suspect this is an inside joke; hair is too light- probably blonde- to be David-- which, would'a been too sweet! Damn... who is it supposed to be? Convention question! Maybe its Rowan. Is Rowan blonde? ]
The Scarran lunges inside the elevator, and quick fade away on the sound of the sword 'shealthing' itself-- somewhere.
Inside the elevator, doors closed again, Max on the screen again, working on his soothing voice.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
Yes, I know. This elevator sucks.
John's standing, hands on knees, semi-tuckered, feet straddled over the corpse of the Scarran.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
My job suck-suck-sucks. Day-after-day, the same-same thing.
John favors Max with a side-long glance, heavy exhale; yeah, he can sympathize.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
Up-down-up-down, down.
Leaning back against the far corner, John gives a small shake of his head, lips pressed tight.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
Just once-just once it'd be nice to go sideways... just-just... sideways.
John rolls his eyes again as Max edges to the side of the screen in his limited world.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
Frog Princess.
Close on a Sheyang, the shadowy structures of the Zelbinion behind him, bellowing flame.
In the elevator, John presses back against the wall as the stream of flame enters. Sound of scraping steel, and fade away on the building wall of flame.
In the smoke-filled elevator, Max prattles on.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
Not-not that I plan on doing this forever-ever.
John clutches the severed head of the Sheyang in his right hand, his soot coated expression just thinly veiled anger. Max is workin' his last nerve with a vengeance.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
I have plans you know. Big plans. I-I'm studying to be an Astronaut.
Yep, tightly reined anger, he turns slowly toward the screen.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
and... Penthouse.
Max cocks his head, charm that ought to be patented oozing from every where, and smiles.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
Have a good day.
The blue doors slide open, smoke rolls out, followed by John, the severed head of the Sheyang in one hand, the Scarran's red cloaked head tucked under his left arm.
Shot of the penthouse includes a large bed in the center of the room, elaborately canopied with strands of large bright beads. Behind the bed a lovely full-size carousel horse. Of course this is the same room as the main game room; black and white tiled floor, circular with blue walls painted with wispy clouds and vari-colored doors.
The woman sitting on the bed is partially concealed by a black cowled man in a black suit with a high collar, white ruffles poke out of green cuffs to match the collar.
Surprised by the intrusion, the man turns, and its 'ta-da' either Scorpy or Harvey, but his nose is a 'bit' longish, a tiny sprout of a leaf on the end [Pinocchio? Harvey wants to be a real boy].
JOHN:
I knew it!
He tosses the head of the Sheyang at Harvey's feet. Unsheathing his sword.
JOHN:
I knew it had to be you!
HARVEY:
Ma'am!
Harvey scuttles backward, revealing the blonde woman on the bed. The golden light inside the bed illuminates her as she glances shyly up beneath her lashes.
John's mouth hangs open slightly and he edges forward a bit.
HARVEY:
A visitor.
The woman, Aeryn done up in Damsel drag as in the cold open, although the dress now is white with bright silver five-pointed stars decorating it. She spares Harvey a sidelong glance without actually taking her eyes off John. When she speaks her voice has this simply incredible lisping southern belle effect meant to make you laugh so hard that, well... it's best 'not' to be drinking anything at the time.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
Yes, I can see that.
HARVEY:
I'm so sorry, Ma'am. I didn't realize you expected other guests.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
That's all right, Harvey. Would you let the master know that we have a gentlemen caller?
John pries his eyes off Aeryn's heaving bosom long enough to appreciate the green door across the room, then watching as Harvey scuttles away.
JOHN:
He's not the... ogre?
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
What-- Harvey? Oh, heavens no-- he's just an incorrigible liar... and the butler.
After the dismissive shake of her charming head, she graces him with a mildly suggestive smile.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
So, can I help you find some place to... sheath that sword?
[oy, geez. The BBQ slaps self while] John looks a tiny bit startled before his gaze shifts to the sword still held ready in his hand. He relaxes a bit, lowering the sword slightly, eyes shifting to the green door again.
JOHN:
No-- where's, uh...
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
The gray girl? Don't you worry about her.
Aeryn stands, moving slowly toward him.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
My beast of a boyfriend is... showin' her around the place.
John backs away as she advances. In a moment Beauty will be chasing him around the bed.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
Can I get you a drink?
JOHN:
No.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
Oh, don't be like that. You must be parched from comin' all this way.
[okay, think I blushed there.]
John stops, eyeing her seriously from close up; voice grating.
JOHN:
I only want Chiana.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( smiles )
Oh, now...
She lightly strokes an outstretched finger down his face, lingering on the center of his lower lip, pressing down slightly, rubbing in a small circle.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
We both know that's not true.
VOICE [O.S.]:
Honey!
Startled out of his frozen posture, John spins, crouching slightly, checking out what surely 'must' be the ogre; a large man with long black flowing hair, heavy black brows and a wild black goatee. Spiral horns curl at his temples.
OGRE:
We're out of ice.
( to John )
Steady on there, meat.
The Ogre steps closer, gesturing with a large axe.
OGRE:
We just finished redecorating after the last blood bath we had in here.
( laughs )
It's a little... joke.
Aeryn-as-Damsel titters nervously. The Ogre sits on the bed.
OGRE:
So... you here to... kiss the missus?
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
Why do you have to be such a monster?
OGRE:
At least I don't spend my days redecorating.
Aeryn-as-Damsel pouts angrily; trouble in paradise, the Ogre stands up, stepping closer still.
OGRE:
What is it with women and change?! Seems like nothing is ever good enough.
The distraught damsel clings to John's arm, her pleas fall on deaf ears as he shouts out for what he came for.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
Oh... you have to save me from him... you have to save me.
JOHN:
( shouting )
Chiana!!
The brightly garbed Chi darts into the room from offstage.
CHIANA:
Hey!
John abandons the squabbling beauty and her beast.
JOHN:
What the hell have you been doing?!
Chi jerks away as John angrily slams his sword into its sheath. Aeryn turns to give the Ogre a 'see what you've done now' look.
JOHN:
We have a problem on the ship, we have to go!
CHIANA:
Okay!
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
See! Every time we meet someone nice, you scare them away!
The ogre gives a grand, 'not this again!' gesture while Damsel continues to whine and John drags Chi to the green door.
CHIANA:
Something wrong?
JOHN:
Of course, as usual! Now let's go!
He places his hand on the doorknob and...
Rapid pan right on a blurred spiral of brightly painted doors and...
In the transport pod, John and Chi spasm backward, then drop to the floor, John knocking into a couple of empty barrels before dragging himself to his feet.
CHIANA:
( softly )
Frell...
John scrambles quickly to the forward control console.
JOHN:
D... rally the troops, we're comin' in.
In space the Transport Pod approaches and enters Moya's hamman side hangar bay doors.
In the maintenance bay, Aeryn and D'Argo await John's arrival, who promptly jogs out of a heavy misting of heated air.
D'ARGO:
What took you so long?
JOHN:
Weird detour.
D'ARGO:
Pilot's blind on the hamman side, tier seven and eleven.
AERYN:
DRDs are searching there. It's likely Scorpius is hiding in those blind spots.
D'ARGO:
The plan is... we hunt him down.
JOHN:
I like that plan.
D'ARGO:
Aeryn and John, you take tier seven.
CHIANA:
Okay.
They all move to exit, John and Aeryn trailing D'Argo and Chiana, passing Rygel perched on a table.
D'ARGO:
And Rygel, stay where you are and stay out of trouble!
Cut to D'Argo and Chiana, silently on the hunt. At a junction D'Argo gestures with his head and Chiana nods, heading in that direction while D'Argo take the other... it's a 'very' familiar looking situation.
Cut to Aeryn and John, side-by-side, silently stalking another corridor. Except for the gloves on his hands it, also, is a very familiar sight. John agrees.
JOHN:
This is familiar.
AERYN:
What, the passageway?
JOHN:
No.
He turns to look at her, only slightly more than askance, still very guarded. She turns and looks at him, and he looks away after a beat, a slight smile flickering.
JOHN:
It's good to have you back.
They continue slowly down the passage.
Cut to another passage, D'Argo entering at a Junction and moving cautiously, the guy is massive, practically filling the space. He pauses and... sniffs.
Cut to Chi, standing in a well lit junction, she turns to look back as a painful scream echoes.
D'ARGO [O.S.]:
( screaming )
John!
In the Den, Pilot gives an alert before Chi can move.
PILOT:
Crichton! Aeryn! He's here!
Aeryn bolts, not waiting for the remainder of the warning; John on her heels.
AERYN:
On our way, Pilot.
In the den, a familiar set of boots casually crosses the bridge, a mild order issued.
SCORPIUS:
Seal the chamber.
In the passageways, John and Aeryn encounter the door into the den, John slamming into it just as it seals. He tries the controls.
AERYN:
Locked out.
JOHN:
D'Argo?
AERYN:
Pilot?
JOHN:
Pip!?
CHIANA:
Crichton... I can't find D'Argo.
AERYN:
Access shaft. This way.
And she bolts in a new direction, John just behind.
John and Aeryn crouch inside an access shaft, peering out and down on Pilot. [TWWW]
JOHN:
Feels like a trap.
AERYN:
Only one way to know.
Inside the Den, John and Aeryn drop from above the door [TWWW].
AERYN:
Pilot?
They cross the bridge warily, Aeryn leading.
AERYN:
You all right?
Pilot doesn't respond, but his eyes lower to a DRD on the console beside him. The DRD immediately opens fire.
On the Bridge, barely wide enough for one, Aeryn turns, clutching at John, forcing him backward. They duck, managing a stumbled run, arms still intertwined, as the remaining DRDs in the room also open fire, ceasing only when they reach the closed door.
PILOT:
( mildly )
Everything is finally under control.
JOHN:
Pilot?
PILOT:
( mildly )
Not exactly, Commander. Have you ever heard of a neural harness?
Scorpius steps out of the shadows beside Pilot's console.
SCORPIUS:
Your Pilot's mind... is now slave to my own.
John's response; immediate and angry. Winona up and aimed across the space, arm level with his shoulder.
AERYN:
( cautiously )
John.
SCORPIUS:
Whatever happens to the master... happens to the slave. If I die... so does your Pilot.
[the same threat to John in LGM, intimating that neither could kill the other; likely for this consequence] John thinks about it briefly; his eyes on Scorpius but his words for the woman beside him.
JOHN:
Grayza's Command Carrier is on the way. He's a pathological liar-- our odds... are not gonna get any better.
SCORPIUS:
Feeling lucky?
John tilts his head, he doesn't take dares well, anger tightening his lips. Aeryn doesn't wait to see if he feels lucky. Pulse pistol gripped in both hands, Aeryn takes him down with a backhand blow to the face. He drops on his back, stunned, head rolling.
Gasping, he lifts his head, trying to focus...
JOHN:
Aeryn.
She executes a stiff legged kick to his jaw and he drops back again; out cold.
Aeryn looks up, looks across the bridge. Extremely self-satisfied, the neural spike in one hand, Scorpy crosses his arms across his chest, grinning like a shark. Aeryn keeps her silent gaze on him and...
Fade out to Black
END ACT II
ACT III
Fade in to close on Aeryn, looking through the closed grate of a cell door. Twitching slightly at the sound of a low groan.
AERYN:
He's awake.
Cut to what she's keeping an eye on. John, flat out on his back, one leg slightly bent, groaning again as he lifts his head-- gloved hand drifting to his face.
JOHN:
He did it, didn't he? Tagged you with a microchip.
AERYN:
You haven't considered the possibility that I was protecting Pilot.
Might be part of an icy glare he shoots her below the glove, but his voice lacks any venom.
JOHN:
The second boot to the head convinced me otherwise.
Scorpius steps silently behind Aeryn, placing a gloved hand on her shoulder. John's detached expression shifts to wariness and he immediately rolls on his side, lifting up on one elbow.
Aeryn casts a sidelong glance at Scorpius and clears the doorway. Scorpius eyes him silently through the closed door.
SCORPIUS:
She's special don't you think?
Scorpius activates the door controls and strolls inside while John forces himself to unsteady feet.
JOHN:
You son-of-a-bitch.
Scorpius steps close, the door closing behind him.
SCORPIUS:
Shall we end this?
He offers John the hilt of what looks like an elongated neural spike, pressing it against his chest. Silence stretches while John looks down, takes the spike into his own gloved hand. Scorpius gives him an appraising look and calmly turns his back, strolling away while John shifts the spike in his hand, blade up.
SCORPIUS:
You resisted the Aurora Chair. You've resisted my Neural Clone, and ah...
( stopping at the door )
you resist all reason.
John eyes the tip of the blade, a good 4-5 inches long, turning away himself.
JOHN:
You're starting to sound like Sikozu.
SCORPIUS:
Perhaps. Where does that leave us, John?
Scorpius's back is presenting John with too tempting a target and he clutches the blade as though he would use it.
JOHN:
Time you headed off for darker pastures... and left me the hell alone.
SCORPIUS:
You resist because you have hope. Hope that your friends will save you. This time it will be different.
John holds the blade down, point to the floor as he has Winona under Aeryn's enforced promise, but he-- really wants to use it.
SCORPIUS:
One by one I will extinguish all your hopes, and little by little you will begin to see reason.
AERYN:
( over comms )
Scorpius.
( beat )
We have Rygel.
Quarter turn toward John, smirking slightly.
SCORPIUS:
Lovely girl.
( beat )
I hear that one-quarter Sebacean/Scarran offspring are quite handsome.
Turning full about, he smiles, and John snaps; taking that single step, blade upraised, driving for the eye--
The blade stalls in mid-air but John is prepared and fights against himself, turning the hilt in his hand, tries to drive it forward again, try for a different angle; everything he has, to drive the blade into that neck. It stalls again. Razor sharp silence except for his harsh breath as his muscles work against his mind. He relaxes abruptly but doesn't lower the blade.
Scorpius turns, raising a finger to push the point away.
SCORPIUS:
You harm me... you harm her.
And a backhand blow to the face sends John tumbling across the cell floor.
Cut to a bit later and John's sitting alone in the cell, the ineffective blade still held in his gloved hand pressed against the empty holster. Not ready to give up and thoroughly pissed, he eyes the DRDs on watch outside the cell. A slight noise distracts him.
CHIANA [O.S.]:
( softly )
Psst. Hey...
He looks around for the source.
CHIANA [O.S.]:
( softly )
Crichton.
Turns toward a small access grate near the floor, a small gloved hand snakes through, the fingers beckoning.
CHIANA [O.S.]:
( whispering )
Down here.
One last furtive look toward the DRDs and he kneels on the floor by the grate, peering through at what little can be seen of Chiana on the other side.
CHIANA:
( whispering )
I've got the game.
Hesitant, he reaches his hand through and she slaps the multicolored gel matrix on his hand and...
Rapid pan right to spiral of brightly colored doors and...
Chiana and John stand in costumed glory in the muted light of the Damsel's chamber.
JOHN:
Chiana...
Chi slaps a hand over his mouth.
Speaking in subdued tones as the beast and his beauty are laid out on the bed snoozin', a warped little music box tune playing.
CHIANA:
Shh... they're sleeping. Okay? I don't want to have to deal with them now.
She lays it out for him.
CHIANA:
Okay, Scorpius... has got control of the whole of the ship. He's got D'Argo and Rygel... everybody. He can hear... everything.
( smiling )
Not in here.
JOHN:
Right. We can't kill the son-of-a-bitch without hurtin' the others. Whatever happens to him, happens to everybody he controls.
Slight pause, ensuring Chi understands him; she nods. [*g*]
JOHN:
So leave me the game blob thingee. When I take him down, you have to find a way to hog-tie everybody.
CHIANA:
So you're gonna draw Scorpius into the game.
Cut to John sitting on the floor of the cell, one foot tucked under an outstretched leg. He uses the end of the blade to pierce the soft pad of his thumb, grunting quietly as drops of blood fall to the golden floor.
He uses his thumb and the spilled blood to etch a character on the floor.
Cut to angle down through the upper portion of the cell to the DRDs in the passageway, a slim black clad form moves closer to the door.
Pan R into the cell to John's back as he hunches over a broad swath of characters written in blood.
AERYN [O.S.]:
What are you doing?
JOHN:
Working on what your master wants.
AERYN:
So you still think that he controls me.
JOHN:
Does he?
AERYN:
Look, the only thing that keeps you alive is the secret you hold. And the same is true for me.
He chances a look over his shoulder, but can't turn to face her.
JOHN:
He's hearing all this you know.
AERYN:
I know.
JOHN:
I should never have let you go.
Scorpius appears at the bars, gripping them with both hands. Aeryn glances down the bars toward him.
Cut to a bit later and closeup on the blood smeared floor, the blood all organized into complex equations. [and oh, squicked big time, but reassured by the image of the props guys crawling all over the floor with Arby's BBQ Sauce squeeze bottles.] The shot pans across the floor, showing a large amount, but not all, of the equations painstakingly written there.
JOHN [O.S.]:
Most of this floor you should recognize.
( beat )
It's an equation describing the behavior of wormholes.
Shot continues panning across the floor, close on the blood drawn equations, stopping on John's booted feet, and drawing to close on his left.
JOHN:
What it lacks... is the single unifying symbol.
( beat )
That symbol... is beneath my left foot.
Cut to long and angle down on John standing in the center of the puzzle.
JOHN:
Would you like to see it?
SCORPIUS:
You would give it to me?
JOHN:
I want you to take it
John adjusts his grip on the blood spattered blade as Scorpius keys the cell door and it grinds open. Scorpius saunters inside.
SCORPIUS:
Your species... has brutal flair.
JOHN:
Anyone else enters this room... I can spill enough blood to erase the entire equation.
SCORPIUS:
Very well.
Scorpius steps close.
SCORPIUS:
You know if you kill me...
JOHN:
Oh... I don't think that's gonna happen, not after all you've survived.
Brief silence while John adjusts his grip on the hilt.
JOHN:
Then again... I could get lucky.
And he lunges, the entire driving force of his body behind the attack. Instinctive response or something, Scorpius moves to block John's attack with one hand, the other wrapping around his throat.
Only one free hand between them, and John reaches into his jacket and slams the glowing game matrix against Scorpius's face. Scorpius grunts and his head spasms back. John slaps his ungloved hand against the matrix and...
Rapid pan right, a spiral of brightly colored doors and...
Close on John, the gray walls of the Gammak Base all around him. A moment of disorientation and he takes in his surroundings and his costume... and makes a sound of annoyance.
JOHN:
Ah, crap... I wasn't su--
GILINA:
Quick, this way!
Gilina prepares to lead him on a merry chase, but stops abruptly.
Scorpius steps out of the passage. Gilina gasps, backing away.
GILINA:
He's not supposed to come... from that direction.
She runs behind John.
SCORPIUS:
Really, John. You expect to hold me in a simulation?
John goes for the pulse pistol and ends leveling a banana on Scorpius.
JOHN:
Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Damned inconvenient that... he tosses the banana aside.
SCORPIUS:
This world means nothing to me. I see through its very existence.
GILINA:
John!
SCORPIUS:
Allow me to show you what I see.
GILINA:
Please!
Gilina screams and John turns in time to see her unzipped and disappearing in a swirl of color.
Cut to the cell on Moya. John and Scorpius in frozen tableau, quivering slightly. Outside the cell, Aeryn watches closely. Cut to close on John, face reddened, veins distended, no breath escapes.
SCORPIUS [V.O.]:
Having trouble breathing?
In the passage of the Gammak Base, John stands, rooted to the spot. Scorpius stalks around him while he tries to force a breath or two.
SCORPIUS:
I wonder if you die now... whether your mind will carry the wormhole knowledge with it.
John turns to follow Scorpius with his eyes, wavering slightly on his feet.
SCORPIUS:
Into the game.
Cut to close on Aeryn, one hand raised to the cell door, slight concern becoming great. Inside the cell John is apoplectic with lack of oxygen, eyes tiny slits of white.
SCORPIUS [V.O.]:
Relax John.
In the gray stone passageway, Scorpius eyes John closely.
SCORPIUS:
Soon it'll be over.
Cut to rapid pan right on a spiral of brightly colored doors.
In the cell on Moya, Aeryn pulls John away from Scorpius. He staggers against the low shelf, gasping for breath, turning, bracing his hands against it and looking up at Aeryn.
AERYN:
He was killing you. I couldn't let that happen. We have to get out of here before he comes out. Come on.
She grabs him, dragging him past Scorpius, who remains frozen as he entered the Gammak Base level, the matrix still quivering on his face [I'm sorry. I gotta giggle here... a lot. Seriously. Giggle.a.lot. As MF says; 'gotta see the out takes on this one!']
She pulls him into the corridor, John starts lagging.
JOHN:
What about the others?
AERYN:
We can't save the others.
She pulls him to a staggering stop.
AERYN:
Listen... John. I came back for you.
He's looking at her like he doesn't understand the language.
AERYN:
Nothing else matters. I just... want to be with you.
Telling him everything he wants to hear and he just looks pained and confused. She leans close; curling fingers around the back of his neck and pulls him in for a long kiss.
AERYN:
Now, let's get out of here before it's too late.
He looks at her like he's been hit with a big stick. Delays in the passageway, shaking his head, trying to work it out.
JOHN:
Something's wrong.
Looks up and around, searching for something.
JOHN:
Something's wrong.
His hand strikes his pocket and then quickly searching inside. Lifts his hand-- a small white ball clenched in his fingers. Looks at it like it's a snake.
Backs away, very slowly.
AERYN:
Does this mean it's over?
Continues backing away until his back hits the wall, then turns and bolts.
JOHN:
Chiana!!
Cut to the Maintenance Bay, John running in, Chiana is waiting. Runs past her, grabbing her arm, sliding to a stop.
CHIANA:
What's wrong?
JOHN:
Everything.
Shows her the ball like it's the holy grail.
JOHN:
We're still in the game.
CHIANA:
Oh!
JOHN:
We never left. Moya... is part of the game.
CHIANA:
Oh, frell.
Rush of air and a loud thud; they turn and see a green door standing in the bay behind them.
They walk slowly toward the door, and John reaches up, flat of his ungloved hand on the door, dragging downward, wiping away the green, revealing a swath of yellow.
JOHN:
They changed the doors.
STARK [O.S.]:
Figured it out, have we?
JOHN:
Stark!
John and Chi turn, and head toward the figure of Stark across the room.
JOHN:
What the hell is this about?
STARK:
This... is all about you...
But the voice is coming from behind them. They turn and see Scorpius painting green over the yellow on the door. Stark's voice continues to source from that direction.
SCORPIUS:
( with Stark's voice)
John Crichton. You're far too sick... to be allowed to run free in the universe.
It's gettin' too weird for Chi, she edges behind John.
SCORPIUS:
( with Stark's voice)
When you die on the outside... your mind will live on... here... with us.
Cut to wide on the bay, the open hangar bay doors reveal the image of the castle exterior, construction paper trees and all. Scorpius/Stark spreads his arms wide.
SCORPIUS:
( with Stark's voice)
Welcome home, John.
Cut to close on John in the transport pod, still struggling mightily to open those eyes, opposite him; Chiana stands riveted in place, their joined hands over the game matrix.
Fade to Black.
END ACT III
ACT IV
GAME MATRIX - MAIN GAME ROOM
John enters, Chi right behind, back in armor and colorful costume respectively.
JOHN:
How the hell do we get out of this game?
CHIANA:
I don't know.
JOHN:
Then this better work.
CHIANA:
Okay.
He holds up the last of the pearls of wisdom, clenching it in his fingers.
A beat and an electronic whine, television tuning in. Stark's voice oddly disconnected.
STARK [O.S.]:
Careful, it's your last one.
John backs up, unsheathing his sword, looking for the source.
JOHN:
What the hell's the endgame?
Chiana backs more quickly. Eyes on the side mounted television. John joining her as Stark's voice continues, occasionally looping as Max-as-John's.
STARK [O.S.]:
One hero's sword to set her free-free-free. One kiss upon her lips, so sweet.
Close on Stark's face on the screen.
STARK:
( on screen )
Thus ends your quest. Thus ends the game-game. And thus your soul is saved.
CHIANA:
Ah, we already heard that.
JOHN:
Yeah, I know that, but finding a door out may be impossible. If we die, it only resets the level. One sure way out, we achieve the end game. We're gonna kiss the Princess.
STARK:
( on screen )
Run-run-run, as fast as you can, [] like a budong--
Scrape of steel on the tile floor as John swings the sword in an angry sidearm arc.
STARK:
( on screen )
No, no, not in the face!
Edge of the blade impacts the screen and sparks fly as the television explodes. John and Chi saunter away, John slinging the sword over his shoulder like an ax.
JOHN:
Bastard wants us to play, let's give him what he wants.
and cut to...
GAME MATRIX - PARKING GARAGE
John and Chi circle the van, peering through the driver-side window. John popping the door for Chi as he passes. He lifts the sword, spinning it, eyeing the blade as he circles the front. Big Zhaan sits in the open side door, head down, rubbing the crown softly. Not looking up as John steps into view at the front of the van.
BIG ZHAAN:
( with Stark's voice)
That hurt, John.
JOHN:
Stark.
( beat )
Huh.
( beat )
So, how'd you do it? Who helped?
Big Zhaan stands, moving closer, still speaking with Stark's voice. John backs off slightly.
BIG ZHAAN:
( with Stark's voice )
You did... you and that tragic brother.
( tsks )
Pouring his heart out on his deathbed.
JOHN:
Bull. This game has crap he couldn't know.
BIG ZHAAN:
( with Stark's voice )
It's crap you gave me along the way.
( beat )
You talk so much.
JOHN:
( realizing )
Oh, God... no Sikozu, no Noranti...
( ironic laugh )
Very good. Damn, I guess that leaves one question.
Grinning at the genuine look of puzzlement.
JOHN:
Plants... why do they love the light?
Big Zhaan turns at the grating bleat of the Van's horn. Chiana in the drivers seat, pounding it gleefully. Popping the headlights on as Zhaan turns to look.
BIG ZHAAN:
Oh... John! Oh!
John cold-cocks him with the hilt of the sword, and Big Zhaan drops to his knees then face first onto the concrete.
JOHN:
Ha.
GAME MATRIX - PARKING GARAGE
Next up, Rygel as Stark, as the guardian of the gate.
RYGEL:
( with Stark's voice)
None shall pass!
Chiana toys with him with her Dagger-- providing a lovely distraction.
RYGEL:
( with Stark's voice)
Where is he?
Sound of tires squealing as Chi spins toward the diminutive guardian. Rygel looks away in time to see the Van speeding toward him, John hunched over the wheel [helmet makes for a tight fit]. Rygel just has time to groan in surprise before the front bumper smashes into him and is thoroughly run over, little body dragged beneath the vehicle.
Close on John behind the wheel, chuckling maniacally.
Cut to rapid pan left, a swirl of brightly colored doors, and...
GAME MATRIX - MAIN GAME ROOM
John and Chi pop up in the main game room, John's helmet in his hand. Part of Jool stretched out on the table, D'Argo's dipping some, uh, beans off her abdomen [yuck]. Jool giggling like the spoon tickles. D'Argo samples the, uh, beans. Jool notices the interruption first-- her giggles cut off mid-giggle.
JOOL:
What are they doing here?
Chiana's turn to laugh.
D'Argo's also a bit annoyed at this untimely interruption... so's Jool.
JOOL:
( peevish whine )
It's my turn!
Cut to wide on the room so we can see the banquet laid, including the 'witch' Chiana, bound and gagged with an... well, not an apple, but something round and red.
D'ARGO:
You are disturbing my meal.
Chiana tied on the table struggling madly, pounding her head on the table.
JOHN:
Chiana.
CHIANA:
Yeah?
JOHN:
This room seem too easy?
They both look at the Chiana on the table, who's making loud mumbling sounds; needs to say something... sounds like 'John'.
CHIANA:
What do you mean?
JOHN:
I mean, first time here. How did you make it through?
CHIANA:
Uh...
JOHN:
Chiana, what's Aeryn's secret?
CHIANA:
What?
Another loud muffled protest from Chiana, tied like a suckling pig on the table.
JOHN:
Aeryn's secret.
John's flat gaze slides from bound China to the one standing beside him. She looks away, head bobbing desperately.
Another loud protest from bound Chiana and John takes out the Chi standing next to him with one backhand blow. Jool shrieks! D'Argo flings her on the floor, making John back discretely away, sword ready.
JOOL:
( screaming )
Why about me?!
John boots her head like a football, silencing her and taking care of the question.
He darts to bound Chiana and pulls her off the table while D'Argo arms himself with a... large sucker.
John unties her hands and she pulls the, well, red object from her mouth while John circles the table, semi-menacing what with the sword vs. sucker thing going on.
D'Argo bobs and weaves, making like a very dangerous Luxan in Liederhosen armed with a large... sucker. [geez]
CHIANA [O.S.]:
Hey.
D'ARGO:
Huh?
He turns around and there's Chiana, armed with her own sucker.
CHIANA:
Eat this.
And wham, right in the face with the sucker and D goes down to the tune of a cowbell and twittering birds.
CHIANA:
( exasperated )
Aeryn's pregnant.
Relieved, John lowers the sword. Chiana's kinda peevish still.
CHIANA:
Frell, Crichton. You left me there for arns! I could'a died.
JOHN:
( breathless )
Sorry about that.
He turns away and...
GAME MATRIX - THE ELEVATOR
The elevator drones quietly as the tiny spotlight scrolls up the floor numbers, elevator music playing. John lounges against the back wall, turning an annoyed glance as the screen as John-as-Max clicks on screen, nattering in his imitable style.
JOHN-as-MAX [O.S.]:
( on screen )
What is it with women and change?
I've no idea why, but Chi has the heel of one booted foot up on the hand rail like a ballet bar; back to the camera. Well, okay, maybe stretching out those kinks from being tied for arns; she's back in her colorful costume.
JOHN-as-MAX:
( on screen )
You-you-you really are John C-Crichton.
( peering closer )
Can I get an autograph?
Cut to ext. doors with the sound of the scrape of steel, distinctive, of steel though electronics. The doors slide open on an innocent looking John and Chiana. Sparks fly behind them from the vicinity of the screen.
They walk slowly out of the elevator and cut to across the room. The Butler and the Ogre flank the Damsel seated on the bed.
HARVEY:
Master...
Makes a trumpet flourish with hand to lips.
HARVEY:
We have guests.
The ogre steps closer, large axe slung over his shoulder. Damsel grins most coquetishly.
JOHN:
We're here for the princess.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
I can see that.
Bosom heaving delicately.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
So romantic.
JOHN:
( Aside to Chiana )
You up for this? Could be fun.
CHIANA:
Let's screw the pooch.
( beat )
I'm all about fun.
Chiana's blade crosses under John's, forming a horizontal 'v' in front of the pair. Harvey makes a soundless yelp and attempts a hasty retreat, Chiana hot on his heels.
The Ogre chuckles in a deep, nasty, ogrey way, and John advances slowly, taking a moment from Princess Bride [in a very oblique way], slicing through one of the large standing candles-- the top flies off.
JOHN:
Game on.
Nice strong swing that has the Ogre backing up to preserve his mustache.
JOHN:
I learned this on TV.
Flat lunge blocked by the Ogre's axe. Damsel protests prettily, a large heart shaped pillow clutched to her bosom.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
I'm not gonna clean up!
Looks away petulantly, watching Chi and thee butler go at it. Harvey ducks a neat overhead slash of Chi's dagger. Damsel must protest again.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
Oh! Come on, Harvey. Stop fightin' like a girl.
He disarms her, and her foil slides across the tile floor. She kicks him backwards and ducks to the side, divesting the black suit of armor of its weapon.
Cut to John and the Ogre, John grunting heavily as another clumsy sweep of the blade misses cleanly. The Ogre steps back to criticize.
OGRE:
( amused )
You need more practice, meat.
JOHN:
I'll make a note.
The Ogre laughs pleasantly [or unpleasantly, depending on your point-of-view], and cut back to Chi and the Butler, still dancing around the point, the Damsel providing slick commentary.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
Oh, girl, I can see who wears the pants in your family!
And oh crap we go to split screen again, some fast and furious fencing with Chi vs. Butler on the left, and John vs. Ogre on the right. Damsel pouts.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
Redecoratin', blood everywhere...
Cut back to single screen as Chi's weapon slices through the Butler's midsection. He gasps and flops on his face. Damsel pointing out the obvious while Chi chuckles.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
She just killed you.
Still clutching the pillow, she turns to the remaining contestants, addressing her beast of a boyfriend.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
Honey, the butler's dead.
Back to split screen while John and the Ogre fight it out-- on both sides. The Ogre gaining temporary advantage in close, slamming a fist into John's face. John staggers back, hand to face.
JOHN:
Hey, Pip.
CHIANA:
Yeah?
JOHN:
A little help?
CHIANA:
Frell!
Oh, and it's two against Ogre instantly.
Cut back to single screen, Damsel rooting-- for, uh, who knows who.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
That's it, finish him off.
Two swords block the axe and Chi kicks the Ogre backward.
OGRE:
Two against one. Looks like I won't be having that drink after all!
Stark enters in a rush, sword ready and howling.
CHIANA:
He's mine!
Chi charges Stark while John circles backward around the bed, eyes on the Damsel, tired and breathless.
JOHN:
How'm I doin'?
Damsel purses her lips, a tender smack of affection.
JOHN:
I'm comin' back for you.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
I hope so.
The Ogre presses forward and we get another extended bout of swordplay on split screen. Chi and Stark on the left; John and the Ogre on the right.
Cut back to single screen as Chiana disarms and 'slays' Stark. The Ogre gets in another fist, loud clank of metal and John goes down on a knee. Damsel winces with a smile.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
Oh, child!
Ogre growls, massive axe raised for the kill as John looks up, dazed. Across the room, Chiana hurls a foil, burying it in the Ogre's neck.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL [O.S.]:
( lisping accent )
Well, she done it now.
Ogre collapses to his knees.
OGRE:
( gasping )
Women!
John stands, sets the edge of his blade against the Ogre's throat and 'slashes' through. Damsel gives a gasping moan as the Ogre flops on his face.
John wanders to the side of the bed, panting, not too steady on his feet. Rests his weight on the pommel of the sword, point against the floor. Panting, he eyes the Damsel who eyes him back with plenty of steam.
CHIANA:
Go on.
She sets the heart shaped pillow on the bed, eyes shining.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
Are you really John Crichton?
JOHN:
Yeah.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
We are gonna be so happy together.
oops, guess Chi didn't slay Stark, he's kneeling in front of her, watching while Chi grins.
John throws the sword on the bed, steps in close, Damsel watches beneath hooded eyes, near swooning. He bends over her, gathering her waist in the curve of his arm and pulls her close. She sighs blissfully as their lips meet, and it's a nice.long.kiss. Finally broken as he throws her back on the bed in the heap of pillows.
He staggers back, a deep breath, nods in satisfaction-- a job well done.
After a moment, Damsel moaning quietly on the bed. He notes that absolutely nothing has changed. Still in the game.
He looks at Stark who's giving him a smirking 'frelled you' look.
A disheveled Damsel sits up, looking extremely well-- kissed.
JOHN:
Chiana?
CHIANA:
Uh...
Stark looks from John to Chiana, smirking... well, vindictively.
CHIANA:
I don't know.
JOHN:
What do you mean, you don't know.
CHIANA:
I don't know!
STARK:
Hey! I know.
( beat )
Maybe... you have to do more than just kiss her. Maybe "kiss" is a metaphor for showing her a really good time.
And Damsel, leaning back on her hands on the bed looks like she's all about that.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
Mmm.
She pats the bed in invitation.
STARK:
Yeah, and maybe Chiana has to kiss her.
Chi's turn to look confused.
STARK:
Huh? Can I watch? I love to watch.
Smiling, Chi moves toward John who still has a lovely dumbstruck, poleaxed, completely clueless expression on his face.
CHIANA:
She... she's not the Princess.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
What?
Damsel looks a bit caught out. Turns a sidelong guilty expression on John.
AERYN-as-DAMSEL:
( lisping accent )
Oh.
( beat )
Well, I'm not the princess you seek. But we could still have a really good time.
And she 'grins' at him. A really big grin.
John sighs, a quiet, 'oh', not quite getting it but it's right there, and yeah... leaves off the confusion for a narrow eyed glare at Stark.
STARK:
This is my world, meat. You're just walking through it for a very long time.
He circles the bed, vehemence in every syllable.
STARK:
When your body is dead, your mind will live here with us to strut and fret forever... you poor player.
Sound of a sword clanging to the floor [just love those continuity errors], and John staggers away from the leering Stark, heading toward the balcony.
CHIANA:
Crichton?
John brushes aside the diaphanous red drapes and steps out onto the balcony, then up on top of the retaining wall around it.
Cut to angle down on John, standing on the balcony wall, view straight down the toon castle, green cone shapes of the trees far below, three green roads angling off north, east and west.
Close on John, looking up, spreading his arms wide and ... falling forward.
Angle down as he dives from the balcony.
Angle up as he falls, three tiny specks far above him in the cloudy sky, arms outstretched, eyes closed.
Cut to angle down as his body rapidly approaches the ground, growing smaller with distance. Crashing sound of impact, a puff of white dust, cut to...
Rapid pan left, a spiral of brightly colored doors, and...
GAME MATRIX - LEVEL 1
Standing outside the cartoon castle again, helmet on, chin strap in place. John discards the square shield with a thump of metal. Thoroughly pissed, turns and walks toward the castle.
JOHN:
Game reset.
He takes the helmet off and tosses it as well.
GAME MATRIX - MAIN GAME ROOM
On Stark in the television screen.
STARK:
What are you doing, John? D-d-doing John.
John walks rapidly past the table, discarding the metal breast plate on the table behind the set. The image of Stark turns, as though to follow his progress to the back of the room.
JOHN:
Your world; your Princess.
Cut to slow motion effect and John's voice reverberates; the John-as-Max effect as some words loop, some consonants stutter. John mostly off screen as he continues. Stark on the screen reacting with alarm to his words.
JOHN:
( reverberating )
Princess-princess-pr-princess.
On screen, Stark howls as shot pulls to close.
JOHN [O.S.]:
One-one pr-princess fair, her br-broken heart by ug-ugliness enslaved- ug-ugliness-ugliness enslaved.
The closeup of Stark's surprised expression is replaced by an image of John moving in slow motion across the parking garage, unsheathing sword.
JOHN [V.O.]:
Ugliness enslaved.
STARK [O.S.]:
John, we can work this out.
abrupt cut to...
GAME MATRIX - PARKING GARAGE
Stark, standing in front of Big Zhaan, hands raised in defense; they both back away as John approaches.
John knocks Stark aside with the hilt of the sword. Big Zhaan cowers back as he continues forward. Big Zhaan whimpers, pressing blue palms together.
JOHN:
( whispering )
One hero's sword... to set her free.
From frozen to motion in a split second, his blade slicing through the facade of Zhaan. Light bursts from the assumed form, the skin peeling away and melting down from the split, revealing another form inside.
A familiar form revealed as the facade flows down, converting to a pool of golden light around the hem of her blue dress before fading away.
Serene Zhaan, her hands moving in familiar rhythm, from waist to smooth arc over smooth skull, ending palms out above her shoulders.
John gapes silently as Zhaan smiles beatifically.
STARK:
Don't touch her! She's mine! Mine!
She turns to him, raising a gentling hand.
ZHAAN:
Be silent, Stark.
Turning back to the speechless human, she glides forward.
ZHAAN:
Is that really you, John Crichton?
A long silence as she approaches. Brow furrowed, disbelief warring with knowledge. He nods vaguely.
JOHN:
I think. Yeah.
Another silent moment, Zhaan's smile renewed. Disbelief with hope...
JOHN:
And you're...?
ZHAAN:
Zhaan.
Nodding reassuringly.
ZHAAN:
( slight shrug )
For all that matters.
( sighs )
This Stark wishes to keep you here. He blames you.
STARK:
No!
ZHAAN:
Believes I died for the love of you.
A blink, a swallow; pain badly veiled for the sake of others. An admission near confession.
JOHN:
A lot of people have died because of me.
ZHAAN:
What is it that you wish of me, John Crichton?
He needs prompting, mesmerized by this exchange.
ZHAAN:
( soft )
A kiss.
( tenderly )
Have you wasted my death... and the deaths of so many others?
JOHN:
( painfully uncertain )
I don't know.
She steps closer, the embodiment of compassion.
ZHAAN:
Then I suggest you find out, before anyone else dies for the love of you.
STARK:
No.
Lifts a beringed hand to touch his face, tilts her head to press her lips against his, his eyes sliding closed as they kiss; brilliant white light spreading outward from the joining.
Fading almost completely to white before an abrupt cut to...
TRANSPORT POD
John and Chiana fall away from the game matrix, dropping to the floor.
JOHN:
( breathless )
Son-of-a-bitch.
Both gasping, breathless; brief failed attempt to stand; hailing from the floor.
JOHN:
D! D'Argo.
MOYA
Making his way down a passageway, in S4 garb, D'Argo hails back.
D'ARGO:
John, where are you?
TRANSPORT POD
JOHN:
Ah, I'm not entirely sure right now.
( beat )
What's up with Scorpius?
MOYA
D'ARGO:
A small problem with his door, but that's already sorted. You're long overdue. Is everything okay?
TRANSPORT POD
Breathless Chiana, forehead pressed to his.
CHIANA:
Hey, hey. We're not dead.
( beat )
How drad is that?
John lifts his head, looking her in the eye, a slight smile, weak chuckle as he looks away. Chi wraps her arm around his neck and pulls them together, rocking back as she laughs lightly.
Fade to black.
END ACT IV
TAG
John enters the Center Chamber, whistling in greeting. Noranti looks up briefly from her cook pot as he circles to the front, dressed down to black t-shirt, no gloves. Noranti places the large ladle on the counter, adding ingredients to the steaming pot.
NORANTI:
Mm. Interesting day?
JOHN:
They're all interesting. This was more like... confusing.
He plucks a few bits of food from the counter, moves to the portal wall, sighing wearily as he sits.
NORANTI:
And a warrior needs clarity.
JOHN:
I'm not a warrior.
NORANTI:
You carry a weapon.
JOHN:
Second amendment. Besides, it's Scorpy's war, not mine.
Pops a morsel into his mouth. Chews slowly; tired.
NORANTI:
Thousands dead. Billions in the balance.
( beat )
But that's not the war I'm speaking of.
He tilts his head, too tired to be curious, but waiting nonetheless.
NORANTI:
Aeryn.
Her third eye opens, gleaming red.
NORANTI:
The war of the heart.
JOHN:
( soft aside )
Always Aeryn.
( looking up )
Yeah, I don't... think too clear where Aeryn is concerned.
NORANTI:
Pain clouds judgement.
Silence between them as she watches him with compassion and he pretends he's not in pain. A moment more and she shifts her shoulders, relenting... reaches into a pouch at her hip, pulling out a tiny black object. Offering it in her open hand.
NORANTI:
Distillate of Laka.
He peers across the space, standing for a closer look.
NORANTI:
One whiff... and the pain is gone... for a time.
He approaches, very slowly.
NORANTI:
It'll help you forget about Aeryn.
He looks down, eyeing the way out, taking it from her hand.
NORANTI:
Oh, and, please, don't thank me.
He looks up, expression somber, nearly grim.
NORANTI:
It's been one hundred and fifty cycles since I've--
She cuts herself off as he looks away again.
NORANTI:
Since I've felt, for someone... the way you do for her.
Another sidelong glance at Noranti, and he turns away, scrutinizing the small black Laka concentrate.
Noranti returns to stirring the pot while John turns the Laka in his fingers, contemplating it a long while.
Cut to...
CORRIDOR
Long on the passage, John walking, a relaxed roll of limbs, glancing down as he nears Aeryn, crouched in the passage, back against the wall, arms hugging her waist.
She looks up and smiles as he nears.
AERYN:
I hear I was a Princess...
John lifts his head as he passes, face in shadows until he pauses a moment later in the light of the junction. Relaxed expression tensing slightly as he stops, brows drawing together just slightly, eyes softening with pain or regret, sliding to the side as though to look back. Stopping before they see. Cut to long on the corridor again as he turns back, and continues walking.
Looking away from his retreating form, alone, now, in the corridor. Close on Aeryn. No pain expressed beyond that slight tightening of the lips.
FADE TO BLACK
ROLL CLOSING CREDITS
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