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TRANSCRIPT:
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(Credits roll)

[Scene: Dining Hall. A lot of school girls hang around in groups talking to one another. Mrs. Garrett stands at a table with three girls. Tootie sits alone at a table, but she sees Blair entering the room looking depressed. She walks past Tootie with her head bowed low and Mrs. Garrett follows with concern.]

Mrs. Garrett: Blair? Did, uh…Did you get something in the mail? 

Blair: (nods slowly) Yes.

Tootie: (stands up and goes to Blair’s side) And it wasn’t a fat envelope?

Blair: (shakes her head) No.

Mrs. Garrett: (puts her hand out) Oh, Blair…

Blair: (grins) It was three fat envelopes!

(Tootie and Mrs. Garrett cheer as Blair pulls out her envelopes out of the textbook she’s holding and sets the textbook on a table. This is around when Natalie enters with a recorder and microphone to join in the cheering.)

Blair: (throws one envelope down on the table at a time as she announces the colleges) Wellesley, Smith, and Langley. Read them and weep.

(Natalie and Tootie continue to cheer.)

Mrs. Garrett: (hugs her) Congratulations Blair, I knew you’d do well.

Blair: Me too.

Tootie: So which one are you going to choose?

Blair: No contest, Langley. (Natalie puts her microphone up to Blair to speak in.) It has terribly high standards, a brilliant faculty, and the clincher was… Dina Becker, who I’ve known forever tried like crazy to get in (grabs Natalie’s microphone to put closer to her face) and they wouldn’t have her!

Mrs. Garrett: (hitting her lightly on the arm to berate her) Blair…

(Mrs. Garrett, Tootie, and Natalie sit down at the table as Blair collects her textbook and envelopes. Jo enters with her black pea coat and helmet. Blair decides not to take her things.)

Jo: Hey, I’m taking off for home Mrs. G.

Mrs. Garrett: Okay.

Blair: (grabs her envelopes and runs over to Jo) Guess what Jo? I got in to Langley!

Jo: (grins and gives Blair a hug) Hey, congratulations. Ha, guess I’m going to have to stop calling you air brain.

(Blair is not amused. Natalie gets up and goes over to Jo.)

Natalie: (tries to put her microphone in front of Jo) Jo, any mail from colleges yet?

Jo: (opens her mouth as if to say something, but changes her wording and turns slightly away) No, not yet.

Tootie: Uh, not anything?

Blair: Girls, come on. What is this pressure you’re putting on Jo? Remember, there is no shame in receiving a thin envelope. It doesn’t diminish you as a person. (Jo looks away impatiently.) Well, it does to some people, but not to close friends… like me. (Jo looks skeptical. Blair turns and starts to leave in a hurry.) I better start clearing my clothes out to make room for my new college wardrobe.

(Mrs. Garrett laughs. By this time, the rest of the school girls have left the room.)

Natalie: Blair, need any help? (She runs off to follow Blair.)

Tootie: (getting up and follows them) Hey, I got dibs on her red cashmere!

Mrs. Garrett: (laughs) Isn’t nature terrific? (She gets up and goes toward the serving counter.) Every spring, like clockwork, Blair sheds her old wardrobe.

Jo: (smiling) I thought only snakes did that.

Mrs. Garrett: No.

Jo: I’ve got to go. Traffics tough enough on Friday.

(As she turns, you can see a thick envelope in her back pocket of her jeans.)

Mrs. Garrett: (runs after Jo pointing to the envelope) Wait a minute, you’ve got something fat back there!

(Jo turns looking slightly perturbed. Mrs. Garrett realizes what Jo thought she was pointing at her butt. Jo looks down behind her and then looks back at Mrs. Garrett.)

Mrs. Garrett: I mean an envelope.

Jo: Oh…Oh, this? (She pulls the envelope out of her pocket.) Oh, uh, uh, it’s from Cycle City, it’s uh, uh flyer for their big clearance sale.

Mrs. Garrett: Oh, sure. Do you mind if I see that flyer?

Jo:  Why?

Mrs. Garrett: Ooooh, I might be in the market for a hog. (She sticks her hands out to pretend she’s holding onto handles and then lets them drop.)

Jo: There’s no fooling you, is there?

Mrs. Garrett: (takes the envelope and opens it) No. And I don’t know why you keep trying. (Jo puts her helmet and coat on the table as Mrs. Garrett reads the letter. Jo looks unhappy.) You got into Langley. Mrs. Garrett giggles with happiness.) Whoopee! (Jo grimaces a smile. Mrs. Garrett hugs Jo.) Oh, I’m so happy for you. Jo, that’s marvelous.

Jo: (shrugs and moves away from Mrs. Garrett towards the serving counter) It’s no big deal.

Mrs. Garrett: (follows Jo) It’s not big? It’s humongous! And you’re getting a partial scholarship. Oh, Jo, I, I don’t understand. (She puts the letter back into the envelope.) Why didn’t you say something?

Jo: Cause I’m not going to Langley.

Mrs. Garrett: You’re not going?

Jo: (tries to smile) Nope.

Mrs. Garrett: Then why on Earth did you apply there in the first place?

Jo: (shrugs) I wanted to see if I could get in… I got in. (She moves away in the other direction.)

Mrs. Garrett: (turning and following Jo) Jo? You’re playing Pac-Man with my nervous system. (Jo turns confused.) Why aren’t you going there?

Jo: (takes the envelope from Mrs. Garrett) Look, it costs almost fourteen thousand a year to go to Langley. The scholarship knocks off seven. Even when I get a part-time job, my mom’s still going to have to come up with six thousand. (She turns away from Mrs. Garrett and stares downward.)

Mrs. Garrett: I know it’s a lot of money. Still, you should discuss this with your mother.

Jo: (turns) There’s nothing to discuss. She’s been slaving away as a cocktail waitress at two places just to put me through Eastland. Langley costs twice as much. (She turns away again with her head bowed.)

Mrs. Garrett: I know…your mother works hard. But she feels it’s worth it. (She puts her hand on Jo’s shoulder.) And Jo, wait…just wait till she sees that Langley envelope.

Jo: (turns and rips the envelope in two) What envelope? (She goes to pick up her coat and helmet.) I’ve got to go. (Smiling, she starts to leave.) Have a nice weekend Mrs. G. (On her way out, she drops her envelope into the trash. Mrs. Garrett looks stunned.)

[Scene: Mrs. Polniaczek stands outside her apartment door with excitement. The apartment number is 38.]

Mrs. Polniaczek: (talks through the cracked door) Jo’s on her way up. I’ll keep her out here for a minute. (She closes the door and moves over to look at her reflection on the glass case of a fire extinguisher. She makes sure her hair looks alright. Jo comes up the stairs and smiles.)

Jo: (going towards her mother) Mom. (She laughs as her mother turns.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: (hugs her daughter) Oh, Jo.

Jo: How you doing?

Mrs. Polniaczek: (lets the hug go, but keeps her hands on her daughter’s arms) I recognized your buzz.

Jo: (confused) How? It’s just a buzz.

Mrs. Polniaczek: A mother knows. 

Jo: (stands for a moment and then attempts to go towards the door) Well, let’s go in…

Mrs. Polniaczek: (tries to hold her daughter in place) Oh, uh, in a second. Let me just get a good look at you…(Jo looks down and then at her mother confused.) You look good.

Jo: …Thanks. Can we go in now? (She attempts to go in, but her mother physically blocks her.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: Um…

Jo: Oh, wait a minute. You got somebody in there? A guy?

Mrs. Polniaczek: (makes a look as if that was ridiculous) Of course not. Come on right in. (She attempts to open the door, but it’s stuck.)

Jo: (mumbles) Here, let me try. (She tries, but it’s stuck.) I don’t believe it. That bozo Balducci still hasn’t fixed the doorknob.

(The door opens and Mr. Balducci, an older man with white hair, comes out.)

Mr. Balducci: Jo.

Jo: (quickly smiles) Mr. Balducci. (She laughs nervously.)

Mr. Balducci: (looks back into the apartment and to Jo) Surprise! (He waves the people in the apartment to come out.) Come on!

(Jo looks unhappy and confused.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: Surprise Jo.

Mr. Balducci: Surprise!

(People from the apartment come out yelling and cheering as they gather around her.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: (pushes everyone back into the apartment) Alright everybody, take the party inside. Party’s inside. It’s for you, Jo.

(The apartment is small. The small living area includes the living room, kitchen, and dinning room. There are two bedrooms and a bathroom on the side.)

Mr. Balducci: (goes over to the other side of the room and pulls out a big pink poster board with a poorly drawn picture of a graduate) Jo? Jo! Da da da da dada dada! (The poster has Jo’s name on it and says ‘Onward to Langley College.’)

Jo: (turns to her mother) Ma, how did you find out about Langley? Did Mrs. Garrett call?

Mrs. Polniaczek: No, nobody called. The school sent me a bunch of financial aid forms. (Jo turns her head in disappointment, but her mother puts her hands on Jo’s cheeks and turns her head back.) Oh Jo, I’m so proud of you.

Aunt Evelyn: (puts her arms out, ready to embrace Jo) Jo? Jo!

Jo: (turns and goes forward a little) Aunt Evelyn.

Aunt Evelyn: (goes to put her hands on both sides of Jo’s face) My niece, the genius! The first member of our family to go to college. Just promise me you won’t fall in with people like I saw in Animal House.

Jo: I promise.

(Mrs. Polniaczek checks her watch.)

Aunt Evelyn: And you’ll go to church? (She lets go of Jo and picks up a dish.) Mrs. Melonie’s son just graduated from college, now he doesn’t believe in God. (She leaves. Mrs. Polniaczek is bending down to pick up a few used glasses and Jo goes over to her.)

Jo: Uh Ma, can we talk?

Mrs. Polniaczek: Oh, of course honey. Let me get the coffee on first.

(The pink poster board is now up on a column and Mr. Balducci stands by it with Mrs. Waldman.)

Mr. Balducci: Hey, Jo? Jo? Uh, I did the poster.

Mrs. Waldman: (has a cutting board, a block of cheddar cheese, and a butter knife) and he’s proud of it. The man draws like he fixes toilets. (She passes Mr. Balducci, who looks deflated.)

Mr. Balducci: Jo, Jo? You know what? I’m going to fix your front doorknob right now.

Jo: Thanks.

Mr. Balducci: (goes over where the woman stands and begins patting his sweater down) I brought the screwdriver and everything.

Mrs. Waldman: (skeptical) Yeah.

Mr. Balducci: Rose? (He takes the butter knife from the woman.) I’m borrowing your butter knife. (He goes over to the door.)

Mrs. Waldman: Jo!

Jo: Mrs. Waldman.

Mrs. Waldman: (goes over to Jo, who smiles) Oh, I always knew you were smart. Even when you were a bum with that gang, I knew you were smart. (She takes Jo’s face and shushes her face.)

Jo: Thanks Mrs. Waldman. (The woman leaves her and Jo deflates, tired of attention. She turns to her mother.) Uh, Ma, could we talk about this Langley thing?

Mrs. Polniaczek: Yes, of course. Oh, I’m so excited for you. (She heads to the center of the room while folding a napkin.) Langley’s the best. But you know that. (She bends down to put it on the coffee table.)

Jo: Uh Ma, you’re jumping the gun here. Uh, I haven’t even decided to go to Langley. (Her mother stops what she’s doing and slowly stands up straight.) In fact, I decided not to go.

Mrs. Polniaczek: What?... Come on, we’ll talk in my office. (She pulls Jo outside the apartment and back into the hallway.)

Jo: (as they pass through the door she turns to talk to Mr. Balducci, who is fiddling with the knob) Keep on working there Mr. Balducci.

Mr. Balducci: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(Mrs. Polniaczek pulls the door shut out of Mr. Balducci’s grasp.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: Now what’s all this about not going to Langley?

Jo: Ma, look. It’s only a partial scholarship. It’s still got to cost six thousand dollars a year.

Mrs. Polniaczek: I know that. I can handle it.

Jo: How? By working three jobs? Forget it.

Mrs. Polniaczek: Don’t worry about that. Listen, one of my customers gave me some tip on this stock and so I took my nine hundred dollars out of the bank…

Jo: A stock tip? Ah Ma.

Mrs. Polniaczek: (moves away from Jo slowly and turns around) I know, I know. But your father works for a stock broker and I had him buy it for me. (Jo turns to face her mother.) And then it split and then it went up and then it split again and now that stock is worth almost five thousand dollars.

Jo: (grins) You’re kidding?

Mrs. Polniaczek: Langley, here she comes! (They hug.) Baby.

(Mr. Polniaczek comes up the stairs.)

Mr. Polniaczek: There’s my college girl. Jo!

Jo: (hugs her father) Hey, I thought you’d come. You look great. (He kisses her.) How you doing?

Mr.  Polniaczek: And you’re gorgeous. (He turns to look at Mrs. Polniaczek.) Hey Rosie. You’re looking good.

Mrs. Polniaczek: Hi Charlie. Glad you’re here. (He kisses her lightly on the cheek.) Come on in. Balducci!

(She goes to try to open the door, but it opens by itself. Mr. Balducci stands on the other side.)

Mr. Balducci: Yeah? (Mrs. Polniaczek walks through and Jo comes in next. Mr. Balducci notices Mr. Polniaczek.) Hey Charlie!

Mr. Polniaczek: (shakes his hand) Balducci, how are you?

Mr. Balducci: (pointing for everyone in the room) Charlie. (He goes back to work on the door.)

(An older man reaches out to shake Mr. Polniaczek’s hand.)

Mr. Polniaczek: How’s it going?

(Aunt Evelyn has a tray of pastries. All of the pastries are glazed with chocolate icing except one of them.)

Aunt Evelyn: Charlie, does your parole officer know you’re here?

Mr. Polniaczek: Evelyn, I haven’t been your brother-in-law for five years. (She puts her tray on the coffee table.) Why waste your poison on a stranger?

Aunt Evelyn: No offense, I was just wondering if I should make more pastries in case the police surround the place.

Jo: (stand between them) Could we give it a rest, eh?

Aunt Evelyn: (takes Jo’s face in her hands and shakes it slightly) Alright, for you Jo. (She picks up the tray again and offers him a pastry.) Here Charlie, have one of my special éclairs. (As he tries to pick one up, she turns the try to offer him the unglazed one.) That one.

(Jo looks unhappy.)

Mr. Polniaczek: (takes his hand away) No thanks.

Jo: (suddenly grins and starts to pick the unglazed up) I’ll take it.

Aunt Evelyn: (turns the tray quickly) Don’t touch that.

Mr. Polniaczek: You know Evelyn, you could make a guy homesick for his cellblock?

(He turns away and Jo starts to follow him. Mrs. Polniaczek comes running out with a red dress on a hook in her hands.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: I’ve got to run everybody.

Mrs. Waldman: Now?

Mrs. Polniaczek: Well, the fight’s on cable and my boss needs his very best waitress.

(Everyone comments sadly.)

Mrs. Waldman: Ah, what a shame.

Mrs. Polniaczek: (to Jo) I’m sorry honey.

Jo: Oh, no problem Ma.

(They hug.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: Now, don’t wait up. (She turns to go and then spins around to catch Jo before she goes.) Uh, listen, listen, why don’t you get your father to tell you all about that stock that he picked up for me? (Jo nods with a smile.) Okay, everyone enjoy yourself. Got to run!

Aunt Evelyn: Don’t work too hard Rose.

Mr. Balducci: Bye Rose.

Aunt Evelyn: (sighs and turns to Jo, who’s moved over to the couch) Jo. Jo. I know you think I’m a worry wart.

Jo: No I don’t.

Aunt Evelyn: Good, cause I’m worried. (Jo nods her head exasperated. Evelyn pulls her down to sit on the couch.) Have you noticed how tired your mother looks?

Jo: I thought she looked great.

Aunt Evelyn: (dramatically) That’s only because she’s happy. But, but, she’s warring herself out. She works thirteen hours a day and four hours on a day off. She’s like a salmon fighting away upstream. I just don’t want to find my sister floating on a side someday. (She smiles and pats Jo on her knee.) Well, time to serve the ice cream. (She leaves Jo confused.)

Mr. Balducci: Jo, Jo? (He turns the knob a couple times and shuts the door laughing with a bent butter knife.) You’re doorknobs all fixed. (He looks at the butter knife.) I’ll fix your butter knife later.

(Mrs. Waldman snatches it from him. Jo notices her father at the kitchen table with a piece of cake and gets up to go over to him.)

Jo: Oh Pop, uh, why don’t you tell me about Ma had you pick up for her.

Mr. Polniaczek: Oh yeah, I didn’t buy that. (He moves over to the couch.)

Jo: (follows) What?

Mr. Polniaczek: Look, she comes to me with some cockamamie tip about some over-the-counter long shot called Tomatoes-R-Us. (Both her and Jo sit on the couch.) So I said to myself, Tomatoes-R-Us? It’s not even good English. (He takes a bite.)

Jo: Pop, how could you do that? You’re not an expert.

Mr. Polniaczek: That’s what I said to myself. Charlie, you’re not an expert. So I went to one of the brokers. He said you don’t build an investment portfolio on long shots. Put it in a money market fund and I did. And today, that nine hundred dollars is worth nine hundred and ninety. (He takes another bite.)

Jo: Instead of five thousand?

Mr. Polniaczek: Five thousand?

(Jo leans back in her seat with a sigh and looks severely disappointed.)

[Scene: Mrs. Polniaczek’s apartment. It’s the next day and Mrs. Polniaczek, who’s in a night gown, closes a tin on top of the stove. Jo enters the living area all dressed.]

Jo: Morning Ma. (She waits for her mother to respond, but nothing happens.) Can I give you a hand with that?

Mrs. Polniaczek: (voice waivers) No thank you. (Jo turns away slightly annoyed and sits down at the kitchen table. Her mother looks over and sees Jo reading the newspaper.)  What are you doing?

Jo: (as if it’s obvious) I’m reading the paper.

Mrs. Polniaczek: (moves over to Jo) You’re reading the Want ads.

Jo: (happily) Oh look, there’s an opening for Avon ladies. I’d be perfect for that. (She looks up at her mother with a grin and then continues to look for work. There’s a knock at the door. Neither answer. Then another knock.) Who is it?

Mr. Polniaczek: It’s me, your father.

(Jo gets up and her mother looks like she’s going to say something but doesn’t. Jo unlocks three door locks and pulls to open the door. It doesn’t open.)

Jo: (giving up) I can’t get it open. Balducci fixed it.

Mr. Polniaczek: (opens the door with ease) It works fine from the outside. (Jo shuts the door, but leaves a slight opening to make sure they can get out.) I want to talk to you Joanna Marie. (Jo looks annoyed and heads over to the kitchen table.) Your mother told me about this crazy idea of yours and it’s crazy, believe me.

Jo: It’s not crazy. It’s the only thing that makes any sense. She’s not going to throw another four years of her life away so I can have some dumb piece of paper on the wall. (She sits down.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: Jo, it’s my life.

Mr. Polniaczek: That’s right, let her throw it away. (Mrs. Polniaczek looks at him exasperated.) You know what I mean. Jo, I want to say a few words. (He sits down next to Jo.)

Jo: Pop, give me a break. Huh?

Mr. Polniaczek: Hey, I’m talking, not your mom. I mean, maybe you can mess with her, but you’re not going to steamroll me.

Mrs. Polniaczek: (offended) What does that mean?

Jo: (looks up at her pleading) Mom…

Mr. Polniaczek: Look, don’t worry. I’m going to take care of everything.

Mrs. Polniaczek: Oh, really? (She sits down next to Jo.) Like you took care of getting my stock?

Mr. Polniaczek: That was a cheap shot. I was being practical. You just cross your fingers and hope everything’s going to work out.

Jo: (pleads) Don’t start this, huh?

Mr. Polniaczek: Look, I just came over to tell you I’m going to get the money some how.

Mrs. Polniaczek: Hooo, last time you said that, you not only didn’t get the money, you ended up in prison.

Mr. Polniaczek: (gets up and slams his fist into the table) I was waiting for you bring that up. (He goes to sit on the arm of the couch.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: (stands up) Oh, I’m sorry I kept you waiting.

Jo: Ma!

Mrs. Polniaczek: (goes over to him) Listen, I would rather cross my fingers and hope, then steal a warehouse full of typewriters.

Mr. Polniaczek: You know I didn’t touch a typewriter. I only left the door unlocked.

(Jo turns her head away from her parents in anger.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: (turns to Jo) Jo, I’m going to get you the money.

Mr. Polniaczek: How? Would you be realistic?

Mrs. Polniaczek: (spins) Why does everybody keep telling me that!

Mr. Polniaczek: (gets up) Because you’re a dreamer. You always were…

Jo: (screams) Would you stop! (Her parents silently stand on either side of her.) I thought I was through hearing you two going at each other. (She snatches the Want ad section and gets up to leave.) Well, I don’t have to listen to it anymore. (She grabs her coat and heads out.) Cause I’ve got someplace else to go.

Mr. Polniaczek: (tries to go to stop her, but she slams the door) Jo wait! Jo! Jo! (He tries the door, but it won’t open. He kicks it.) Balducci! (He looks back at Mrs. Polniaczek and throws his hands in the air.)

[Scene: Dining area. Alex and Tootie sit at a table looking at a map. Natalie comes in with a red cowboy hat on.]

Natalie: Well?

Tootie: Whoooa!

Natalie: Blair couldn’t have given me a nicer hand-me-down. Now all I need is a cowboy to go with it. (She takes off the hat and sees Jo enter.) Hi Jo.

Tootie: Hi.

Alex: Jo, I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow night.

Jo: Plans change. Uh, where’s Mrs. G?

Tootie: Uh, she and Blair took a quick hop over to Langley College.

Jo: (smiles) That’s nice. (She starts to head to the serving counter and Natalie follows.)

Natalie: It’s a great school. (Jo puts her helmet on the counter and takes off her coat.) A person would have to be nuts to turn down a chance to go there. (She moves away from Jo.)

Tootie: (gets up and goes to Jo, who puts her coat on the counter) Especially if she were offered a scholarship.

Jo: (moves around Tootie and past Natalie) I knew it, Mrs. G squealed.

Natalie: (grabs her recorder and microphone) Nobody has to squeal when Natalie Green is on the scene. (Jo looks at her in anger.) I found your ripped up envelope and put two and two together. I call it superior investigative reporting.

Alex: I call it looking through garbage.

Natalie: One must do what one must do. (She moves her microphone to Jo.) Jo, just between you and me, why did you turn down that scholarship to Langley?

Tootie: (walks over to Natalie and Jo) Yeah, nobody’s ever done that before.

Natalie: (As Jo moves away, Natalie shoves the microphone closer to Jo’s face.) It’s a bigger story than ‘Man Bites Dog.’

Jo: (annoyed) Is it bigger than ‘Reporter Swallows Microphone’? (She pushes Natalie away.)

(Jo turns away and sees her parents walk into the room.)

Mr. Polniaczek: Hi Jo.

Jo: (looks down at the ground and speaks in a tired manner) What are you doing up here?

Mrs. Polniaczek: We just want to talk to you.

(There’s silence.)

Mr. Polniaczek: (friendly) Hi girls, long time, no see.

Natalie and Tootie: Hi.

Jo: (turns away and folds her arms over her chest) There’s nothing to talk about.

Natalie: (with her hat) Well, we’ll be going.

Tootie: Yeah, we’ve got a million things to do.

Alex: (stands up) Oh, I don’t believe we’ve met.

Natalie: Later Alex. (She wraps her arm around Alex’s shoulders and follows Tootie towards their bedroom.)

Jo: (stand for a moment and then moves away from them) Look, you guys aren’t going to change my mind (turns to them) and I really don’t want to hear anymore yelling and screaming.

Mr. Polniaczek: (moving to her other side) Wait a minute, Jo. What we’re going to tell you we discussed calmly and rationally… after Balducci let us out. Now the three of us are going to discuss this as a family.

Jo: (skeptical) Since when are we a family? (She moves around him.)

Mr. Polniaczek: So, we’re the next best thing. A father (points to himself), a mother (points to Mrs. Polniaczek), and a kid with a mouth.

Mrs. Polniaczek: Please Jo, let’s talk.

(Jo sighs and walks over to take a seat at a table. She looks at the ground with her hands in her lap. Her father sits next to her and her mother stands next to him.)

Mr. Polniaczek: Look, the first thing we’re going to do is pool our resources. On the way up here, your mother and I had a talk about her assets.

Mrs. Polniaczek: A short talk. (She sits down.) I don’t have any.

Mr. Polniaczek: I, on the other hand, just got a raise.

Jo: (surprised) No kidding?

Mr. Polniaczek: I’m up to one ninety five a week.

(Jo can’t believe that he thinks this is great news.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: (smiles) They’re paying him more than any of the other runners.

Mr. Polniaczek: I’m enjoying the job. I mean, it’s nice to run without someone chasing you. (Jo looks exasperated.) Face it Jo, our biggest asset is your education. And the bottom line is we’re going to follow through on this.

Jo: (shaking her head) Would you stop talking like we’re analyzing the Chrysler Corporation? The government isn’t going to pull us out of the hole.

Mrs. Polniaczek: Jo…?

Jo: Mom, look, we’ve had our family talk. Conclusion: I’m not going to college. We can’t afford it.

(Jo gets up and turns away from them. Mrs. Polniaczek becomes angry and frustrated. Taking a few deep breaths, she gets up and goes over to Jo.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: We couldn’t afford Eastland either and you’ve graduate in a couple of weeks.

Jo: (starts to turn) Mom…

Mrs. Polniaczek: Oh you’re just like your father. (Jo turns away.) You’re a bottom line person. Alright, I’m going to make this short and sweet. We’re the parents, you’re the kid. You’re going to college and we’re going to pick up the tab.

Jo: (turns to her) Look, you know I appreciate this…(She starts to head away.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: And that’s another thing. (She turns and follows Jo, who crosses her arms over her chest.) Where do you get the idea that we’re doing it just for you? (Jo looks at her.) When you graduate from Eastland as Valedictorian of your class, your father and I are going to be sitting there with parents who earn ten times more money than we do.

Mr. Polniaczek: Twenty.

Mrs. Polniaczek: Don’t you think there’s a payoff there for us? (Jo sighs.) Jo, by your going to college, that makes all three of us big winners.

Jo: (lets her hands drop) This all sounds great, but the hard fact is there is a two thousand dollar deposit due next month. Where are we going to get that?

Mrs. Polniaczek: (nods) I don’t know where… (She crosses her arms.) But we’re going to get it. (Mrs. Polniaczek moves over to the other side of Mr. Polniaczek. Jo puts her foot on one of the chairs beside her father.)

Mr. Polniaczek: We’ve got it.

(Both Jo and Mrs. Polniaczek look at him.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: Where?

Mr. Polniaczek: We drove up in it.

Jo: Your 66 Mustang?

Mr. Polniaczek: I’ll sell it.

Jo: Pop, you love that car. You’re the original owner.

Mr. Polniaczek: So now I’ll be the original seller.

Jo: Come on, you had that on blocks the whole time you were in the… ahhh up the… You know, away.

(Jo turns away and Mr. Polniaczek gets up to follow her.)

Mr. Polniaczek: (turns her around) Jo. I knew I was saving it for something important.

(Jo smiles and hugs him.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: (goes over to them) Charlie…You’re terrific.

(He snickers embarrassed.)

Jo: You really are.

Mr. Polniaczek: Hey, listen. It’s about time I started to invest in your future, you know?

Jo: (passes them) Alright, this takes care of the deposit. But what about the rest of the year? And the year after that? And the year after that?

Mr. Polniaczek: She doesn’t take after me. She takes after Evelyn. (He moves past Jo.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: (folds her arms over her chest and moves next to Jo) We’ll worry about next year, next year. We’ve managed so far.

(Jo sits down.)

Mr. Polniaczek: (sits next to Jo) Come on, what do you say Jo?

(Mrs. Polniaczek sits on Jo’s other side.)

Jo: (smiles and looks at her father and then her mother) Thanks Ma. (She hugs her mother.) Pop. (She hugs her father.)

(Mrs. Garrett walks in.)

Mrs. Garrett: Mr. and Mrs. Polniaczek. (She shakes Mr. Polniaczek’s hand.) It’s wonderful to see you.

Mr. Polniaczek: (stands up) Hey Mrs. Garrett.

(Mr. Polniaczek sits down. Mrs. Garrett goes over to Mrs. Polniaczek.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: (shakes Mrs. Garrett’s hand) It’s wonderful to see you again too.

(Blair sweeps in with a pile of Langley apparel.)

Blair: (grinning) Hail the conquering Warner. (Her grin goes flat. She’s surprised to see Jo and her family.) Jo, you’re back.

Jo: I guess I am. Uh, you remember my folks.

(Mr. Polniaczek waves and Mrs. Polniaczek turns to see Blair.)

Blair: Oh, of course. How nice to see you again.

Mr. Polniaczek: Hi.

Mrs. Polniaczek: Nice to see you.

(Blair puts her pile onto a table next to them.)

Mrs. Garrett: (goes over to Blair) Well, I’ll take this upstairs. (Blair takes the clothing off Langley decoration and Mrs. Garrett takes those.)

Jo: (standing up and going over to Mrs. Garrett) Uh, what do you got there Mrs. G?

(Mrs. Polniaczek grins.)

Mrs. Garrett: This, oh, just some stuff. (She moves away from Jo.)

Blair: I opened a charge account at the Langley College Bookstore.

Mr. Polniaczek: Langley? You’re going there? (Mrs. Garrett stops and turns to listen.) I hear it’s a terrific school.

(Mrs. Garrett smiles hopefully.)

Mrs. Polniaczek: I hear it’s the best.

(Jo crosses her arms across her chest and looks at Blair for a reaction.)

Blair: This is true. (She moves past Jo.) Unfortunately, their practice has been to take only one gifted student from each prep school. (Mrs. Garrett has made it back to the table. Jo cocks her head to the side, interested in what Blair will say next.) This year it happened to be moa. (Jo slightly smiles as Blair goes back to her pile of clothes.)

Mrs. Garrett: Haven’t they ever (winks) taken two?

(Mrs. Garrett grins and Jo snickers.)

Jo: (turning and going over to Blair, who has unfolded a sweatshirt) You know Blair, uh, this sweatshirt looks like it’s just my size. (She takes the sweatshirt and looks down at it to see if it fits.) Uh, you mind if I keep it? Uh, you do have four. (She puts it on.)

Blair: Jo, Jo, Jo. You know I’m generous to a fault. But don’t you think it would be a better idea to wait and wear one from your own school? (She turns to get another sweatshirt and starts to put it on.)

Jo: Oh, didn’t I tell you? Langley is my school. (Blair pauses, bewildered.) See you around campus.

Blair: (pauses for a moment and then grins) That’s great!

(They laugh and start talking. (The credits start to roll.) Blair puts her sweatshirt on and Mrs. Garrett hugs Jo. Mrs. Garrett congratulates Mr. and Mrs. Polniaczek. Jo and Blair hug.
 

END OF EPISODE

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TRANSCRIBED BY MIA IVES-RUBLEE FOR WWW.TWIZTV.COM
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