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TRANSCRIPT:
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Enterprise is adrift. From their vessel four short, large eared, bald headed aliens are watching it avariciously.

Ulis,-( their leader speaks to them) “koren uta. Koren uta.”

Muk-, (gazing at the stricken Starship adds) “doras una gooras.” “Goot. Gotchi die kraisen bouy.”

Grish,-( at the helm, answers) “nidas nop see tron. Qoo siboo.”

From the tone of his voice Ulis is pleased “nadim. Vanie ie day.”

Their vessel docked with Enterprise, Muk and Krem, both wearing gas masks, holding weapons and scanners, warily board the ship. They come across two crewmen unconscious in the corridor.

Krem asks Muk “cooch eva sai?”

Disparagingly he responds “nas.” Krem stops to measure size of a crewman’s ear between finger and thumb. The species is one they’ve not encountered before, with insignificant ears and lobes that are far smaller than their own.

Muk, walking on, calls him ”ee sor na” then calls again, angrily “ee sor na” irritated at calling twice.

In the messhall they find more crewmen unconscious, one laying on the floor where he’s fallen lunch splattered in front of him, 6 more slumped over tables round the room. Krem, about to dip a finger in some mash is called by Muk.

Muk- “Krem.” “Inga.” “Tenda so basol.” “Inga.” “Ningor!” “Ka.” Impatiently Muk calls again “ningor.”

Krem-( resigned, consents) “ka.”

Muk leaves the messhall, Krem quickly following, and heads to engineering where they see two crewmen unconscious, one on the gantry, one on the deck.

Krem-, (gazing at warp engine, mutters) “kra ie wat sin shivral.”

The avaricious Muk is well pleased “nas.”

The aliens walk over to a smoking artefact, a cylinder which is emitting some kind of toxic gas. As Krem is about to shut it down Muk hits his hand

Muk- “sep a moul.”

Krem-( petulantly removes his hand) “giash, sofat wat si.”

Muk carefully pushing the lid down.

Muk- “konar, si wya sun”

but Krem, looking around is quickly sidetracked when he spots the unconscious T’Pol

Krem- “ooh ria” and walking over squats down in front of her “set pah too bouy koramon aira.” Rubbing his finger round her earlobe he murmurs “wat si tenarar.”

Muk, again impatient to be on his way calls

Muk- “Ulis tenda vorg. Yahd. She’s alive.”

He leaves engineering, Krem again trailing behind. Entering the turbo lift and closing the door Muk checks readings on his scanner

Muk- “sab mon pri.” He removes his mask, and at a nod from him, so does Krem. The lift opens on the Bridge and the delighted pair walk in to see Malcolm, Hoshi and Travis slumped at their stations and Archer sprawled in his chair. All are unconscious.

Muk-( looking closely at Archer, mutters) “par deimon”

While Krem pushes a button at the helm and the resulting noise startles him. Muk comes over and punches it off then turns on the hapless Krem

Muk- “no mur di mar. Mora. Mora!”

Muk, taking a communicator from his belt, signals to their shipmates that it's safe to come over and with this catch, they might have hit the jackpot. “Muk nat Ulis”

Ulis resonds “Ladzud?”

“Dishavu dolaye.” Whatever he’s said has pleased Ulis “resuvez!”

Inside the medical decontamination chamber and wearing only his skivvies, Trip is laying snoozing on the floor. Coming too, he calls out “Doc, isn’t my time up yet?”

No response, so getting up he walks over and knocks on the door between decon and sickbay. Still getting no answer, he walks over to the opposite door between decon and the launchbay locker room and activates the comm.

Trip- “You said 20 minutes. It’s been at least an hour.”

Phlox, sprawled on the sickbay deck where he’s fallen, is oblivious.

Trip-“I’m getting a little well done in here.” Still no response, so Trip calls anxiously “Doctor?” then “Hello?”

He tries unsuccessfully to prise open the doors, so opening the control panel he short circuits them. They open just wide enough for him to slide his hands in and pull them open a little more so he can squeeze through into the locker room. He walks from there out into the corridor to see a crewmen laying on the deck, unconscious. Checking his pulse, Trip’s relieved to find the man’s alive. When he opens the turbo lift door he sees two more crewmen sprawled on the floor, and checking one finds a steady pulse. They are also alive.

The aliens meanwhile are bringing trolleys aboard to start stripping the ship of anything of value.

Trip enters sickbay where, bending to check, he finds Phlox is okay. Hearing voices talking in an alien language he swiftly climbs a ladder to hide. Muk and Krem enter sickbay.

Something’s amused Muk and he grumbles lightheartedly to Krem Muk-“sayat detash.” “Esa koo safi” “Voos a loos.”

Clearing a bench Krem sees a small circular cage shaking and pulling off the cover, opens it to look, putting it down quickly when the ferocious little bat moves toward the light. Krem’s action irritates Muk

Muk- “na roo va tav.”

Peering out briefly Trip sees Krem and Muk looting sickbay and realises what’s happening. Leaving sickbay quickly via the ladder he comes out into a corridor only to quickly duck into a room when he hears a noise. As it passes he peers out and watches as an alien, Ulis, goes past pushing a torpedo loaded on a trolley. Trip is dismayed to find the armoury and weapons locker emptied, stripped by the greedy aliens.

Ulis moves next to the Bridge where he takes a shine to, and removes, Enterprise’s dedication plaque. Grish, coming in behind Ulis dumps Travis unceremoniously on the floor to steal the helm chair and its running board, which at the second attempt he gets into the turbo lift.

Krem meanwhile is in the corridor looking enraptured at T’Pol. He picks her up and carries her to the launchbay where he leaves her with other female crew already collected.

Muk tries to remove part of the warp reactor and fortunately for him, gets blown backward with nothing more than a mild shock.

Having dropped T’Pol off Krem turns his attention to the messhall, throwing plates of food into his sack without thought of the contents falling off.

Muk’s next stop is a crewman’s cabin where searching the lockers, he finds a pair of shiny boots. Removing his falling apart footwear and revealing gaudy stripy socks, Muk happily checks they fit and puts them on.

Each time Krem enters the launchbay he can’t resist a quick glance at T’Pol.  He’s totally smitten.

While they’re raiding, Trip has made it undetected to, a for now alien free, Engineering where, stepping over his unconscious team, he reaches and sits in front of a monitor. Activating a view of the Bridge, he watches in alarm as the aliens, grunting and grumbling, carry Archer off the Bridge.

Having stolen all the scanners, weapons, furniture and food they can carry, the aliens take Archer to the launchbay, where they handcuff him hands over head to a vertical rail. At instruction from

Ulis- “ingala abi”

Grish injects him with an antidote to the gas. Quickly stepping back, Grish joins the others as they wait nervously, weapons pointed, for Archer to come round.

Archer comes too, to see the four aliens staring at him .

Archer-“who are you?”

Ulis speaks, sounding like he’s asking a question “ingala du kabi?” Seeing Archer’s uncomprehending stare Krem, nodding to Ulis, activates his translator and holds it, unsteadily, at arms length toward Archer.

Archer tells them “I don’t understand.”

Ulis-( tries again) “du kabi na coustrah?”

Archer- “What?”

The aliens gather round Krem and check the translator. Ulis steps forward toward Archer

Ulis- “mak magoran duk what I’m saying?”

As Ulis talks, Archer realising he’s in handcuffs, begins to stand up only to see Muk, impatient with his grogginess, rush forward growling

Muk- “si tara” and gets belted in the side by the irascible alien’s rifle butt. He sinks down again, favouring a sore spot

Archer- “Who the hell are you?”

Ulis steps back to join his confederates and says “who we are is unimportant. Do you command this ship?”

Archer-“I’m the Captain…” He comes to an abrupt halt when looking round, he spots the female members of his crew gathered together in a corner of the room. “What have you done to my crew?”

Ulis responds “they’re sleeping. They won’t be harmed as long as you co-operate.”

Archer- “What do you want?”

Ulis- “Where is the location of your vault?” Rising again, he queries.

Archer- “the vault?”

The still nervous Muk belts him again, in the same place, but this time Archer’s a little more prepared and though winded, manages to stay half upright as he informs Ulis “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Krem tells Ulis “maybe the translator’s malfunctioning.”

Ulis, not taking his eyes off Archer, mutters “he understands.”

Taking the chance that he’s going to get hit again, Archer nevertheless stands up and tells them

Archer- “This is a vessel of exploration, not a cargo ship. We don’t do any commerce. Whatever it is you’re after, you won’t find it here.”

Ulis is unconvinced “you carry no valuables of any kind. No precious gems, no latinum?”

Archer- “I just told you.”

Muk rushes up and with a shriek “liar” belts Archer across the mouth. Speaking through a mouth filling with blood, Archer angrily suggests

Archer- “Whoever you are, just take what you want and get off my ship.”

Krem speaks nervously to Ulis “cousin, maybe we should. We’ve made some good acquisitions already.”

Muk scowls at him “there’s more here. He’s hiding something.” Grish sides with Krem

Grish- “I agree with Krem, lets take what we have and go.”

Ulis is scornful “what do we have? Scanners, low grade weapons, nothing but trinkets.”

As the aliens begin squabbling amongst themselves, Archer watches them silently, then something catches his eye... Trip, high up on the gantry. 

Krem argues with Ulis. “Don’t forget about the females. Some of them are worth their weight in latinum. If we leave now we could make the next slave market on Skemaris.”

Alarmed, Archer queries “slave market?”

Ulis sees his opportunity and takes advantage of Archer’s concern. Looking slyly at Archer, Ulis continues “you’re right Krem. Pick out the females that will bring the best price.”

Krem- “I already have.”

Smiling at Archer, Ulis tells him “it was a pleasure doing business with you” and turns to walk away.

Though Archer initially refuses to cooperate, he changes tactics when he learns that his captors will abduct and sell all the female crewmembers if he can't offer them sufficient ‘valuables’. Guessing that the aliens expect everyone to be as greedy as they are, Archer reacts just as Ulis hopes he would.

Thinking fast, Archer calls “wait” and a smiling

Ulis turns back “you’ve reconsidered?”

Archer- “I’ll show you where the vault is, if you let me keep half the gold.”

Ulis is hooked “gold pressed latinum?”

Grinning and pretending to appear as greedy as them, Archer tells him “Gold bars. Hundreds of them. But I keep half.”

They start haggling “10%.” “40.” “15.” “35 and not a bar less.

Archer- You’ll never find the vault without my help.”

Ulis growls “20%. Final offer”

Archer has him traped “no deal. I’d rather you take the women and go.”

Grish nearly blows Archer’s plan “35%. That’s not a bad offer Ulis. Maybe we should consider it.”

Fortunately Ulis is greedy “no. We’ll find the vault ourselves. Krem, start moving the merchandise.”

Krem, wanting to join the search, whines “why am I always stuck doing the menial labour?”

Ulis smiles unpleasantly and tells Krem “make him” pointing to Archer “do it.”

Ulis takes underlings Muk and Grish to look for the hidden vault, leaving his hapless cousin Krem to supervise Archer as he loads the loot onto the docked alien vessel. As the constantly bickering trio go on a search for the vault, Krem nervously raises the rifle passed to him by Muk and aims at Archer, indicating for him to get started.

Archer is put to work hauling boxes onto the alien’s ship. He’s not best pleased at having to load crates under Krem’s supervision, especially when Krem orders him about

Krem-“oh not there. Over here”

Archer has to carry two crates back to the space he just passed. He decides to talk with his captor, manipulating him, trying to convince him to stand up for his share of the profits. Putting them down, and surveying the cramped conditions,

Archer advises Krem “if you’re going to make a habit out of this, you might want to get a bigger ship.”

Krem responds in surprise “it’s not my ship. It’s my cousins.”

Archer-“Really. I was getting the impression you were in charge.”

Krem, laughing nervously, tells him “this is only my first month on the job.”

Archer- “How do you like it so far?”

Krem- “My cousin’s a skilful merchant. I’m learning a lot from him.” Indicating the crates Archer just put down, Krem tells him “oh, you’d better slide that over to make room for the others.”

Grudgingly complying, Archer asks “what do you need all this for anyway? You seem to already have plenty of technology.”

Krem- “One can never have too much. The rules of acquisition say ‘expand or die’.”

Archer- “Rules of acquisition?”

Krem- “That’s rule number 45.” Proudly he continues “I’ve memorised all 173, including the most important one ‘A man is only worth the sum of his possessions’.”

Archer- “Back on my homeworld that kind of thinking almost destroyed our civilisation.”

Incredulous, Krem tells him “you should have managed your businesses better.” Waving his rifle at Archer, he continues “come on. We have a lot more moving to do.” Archer can only stare at the alien, incredulous at his choice of words “we!”

Walking down the corridor to collect more merchandise, Archer continues to try and subvert Krem

Archer-“So what do you do? Split the profits equally between the four of you?”

Krem- “Oh, my cousin determines the shares.”

Archer- “You must get a bigger percentage than your crewmates?”

Krem-“Actually I get the smallest.”

Archer-“That doesn’t seem fair. You’re the one doing all the work.”

Naively Krem tells him “my cousin knows what’s best for me. He manages all my financial transactions.”

“Really!” Archer is not in the least bit surprised at Krem’s response.

Krem- “I don’t have the lobes for business.”

Archer- “I assume he charges you for his services?”

Krem-“Of course. He wouldn’t be a very good businessman if he didn’t. ‘Never allow family to stand in the way of profit’.”

As Krem talks Archer spots Trip in the corridor and knows he has to get rid of the timid alien briefly.

Archer asks him “another one of your rules?”

Krem nods “6.” “Ah.” “My cousins going to help me acquire my own ship some day.”

Archer coughing and indicating a rail where he can be tethered, asks Krem

Archer- “Do you think you could bring me a glass of water?”

Krem, automatically reacting to being given an order, tests the rails

Archer helpfully tells him “it comes out of a dispenser in the messhall” before allowing himself to be handcuffed.

Krem- “I’ll be right back.”

Archer- “Oh, er, do you think you could bring me some food while you’re at it? Whatever’s left in the serving case. That is if you haven’t already taken everything.”

Krem, surprised with himself, but too used to being the gopher, complies.

Watching Krem walkout of sight Archer nods to Trip, who comes forward and uses a small screwdriver to try and unlock the handcuffs. As he works and Archer keeps watch,

Trip - “you alright Cap’n?”

Archer- “Never better. You?”

Trip- “From what I can tell, you and I are the only ones on the ship still standing. I would have tried to wake some of the others but there’s nothing left in sickbay to do it with.”

Archer- “I’m not surprised. These aliens are taking everything they can get their hands on.”

Trip giving up on the handcuffs in despair asks “who are they?”

Archer- “I don’t know yet. Can you get a phase pistol.”

Trip- “They cleaned out the armoury.”

Archer- “There are fourteen weapons lockers on this ship. They can’t have emptied everyone of them.”

Glancing round anxiously in case Krem returns.

Trip - “Trust me Captain, I’ve already looked.”

Archer- “I’ve got an idea, but you’re going to need some help to pull it off. They used a hypospray to wake me up. It’s in launchbay two.”

Quickly Archer explains the bare bones but hearing Krem he stops and Trip heads off to the launchbay.

Krem walking back munching on a sandwich doesn’t see Trip and walks up to Archer telling him

Krem-“this is pretty good.”

Archer- “Glad you’re enjoying it.”

Krem- “Maybe we should take your cook with us.”

About to take another bite, Archer halts him. Raising shackled hands he asks “do you mind?”

Krem-“Oh.”

Placing the sandwich and glass of water in Archer’s outstretched hands he, to Archer’s consternation, searches his bag, then his jacket for the elusive key, taking a while to find it.

Trip cautiously enters the launchbay and finding the hypospray, stoops down beside T’Pol to inject her with the antidote. She wakes to see Trip walking across in front of her and toward Hoshi. His lack of uniform causes her to double take and sit up quickly.

T’Pol-“Commander!”

Trip- “You’re going to be fine”

He advises as he injects Hoshi, then realising by her tone that something’s wrong he looks round to see her staring at him, eyebrows raised. Following her gaze he realises what’s wrong

Trip- “Just because a guy is in his underwear, you think the worst.”

T’Pol-“I assume you have an explanation” she responds then rises to her feet.

Trip- “Doctor Phlox made me clear a bioscan after I got back from that lunar survey. While I was in decon, something knocked out the entire crew. Aliens are in control of the ship.”That artifact you brought back from the lunar surface. It must have been placed there intentionally. When I opened it, the canister released some kind of gas.”

Hearing a noise, T’Pol resumes her place propped against the cargo container while Trip hides behind one of the stolen torpedoes.

Krem and Archer enter and while Archer closes and locks a tall metal cabinet, Krem goes over to gaze again at T’Pol.

Krem- “This female is different from the others. What species is she?”

Archer- “She’s a Vulcan.”

Krem, squatting down in front of her repeats “Vul can.”

Archer, pulling the cabinet toward the door calls him “they’re really not that interesting once you get to know them.”

Krem- “I’d like to get to know this one.”

Trip watches in alarm as Krem gazes at T’Pol, afraid the alien might harm her, or spot him. Krem, removing a glove, tells Archer

Krem-“maybe I won’t sell her, right away.”

Archer tries to distract him “trust me. She’s got no sense of humour.”

As Krem turns T’Pol’s head and rubs his finger round her ear lobe,

Archer continues, erroneously as it happens, ”she’s always complaining.”

Krem isn’t listening, instead delighting in the shape of T’Pol’s ear

“oh.” Archer calls again, commanding “Krem!” This time Krem looks away from her and to Archer who indicates they should get going. Once Krem has helped Archer remove the cabinet and close the door, T’Pol opens her eyes, but cannot hide a look of disgust on her face as she rubs her ear.

Trip gets up quickly and coming round, anxiously asks “you okay?”

Getting to her feet, she admits “there are times I wish Vulcans hadn’t learned to repress their violent tendencies” though whether she’s talking about Krem or Archer, Trip is uncertain.

Trip-“come on, we got work to do.”

T’Pol- “What about the others?”

Archer- “I can’t wake anybody else up” waving the alien device ”this hypospray’s empty. Let’s go” but when she hesitates briefly, adds “unless you want to be sold into slavery?” 

On their way Trip explains that the captain had been woken but unfortunately for him they were guarding him closely, getting him to do the manual labour for them since he was the only one on board awake. He, the Captain, had a plan, and using their greed had the aliens searching for a non existent vault to give T’Pol and himself time to execute it. Entering a crewman’s quarters, they find him out for the count on the floor, apparently in the process of getting dressed. Trip picks up the crewman’s blue banded uniform and struggles into the tight fitting jumpsuit.

While Krem is moving merchandise, the other three are searching sickbay for the vault.

Muk scanning the imaging chamber informs them “there’s nothing here.”

Grish is adamant they’re in the right place “you’re not scanning deep enough. This is their vault. I saw one just like it on a Kovarian ship.”

Muk is not convinced “why would they keep a vault in a medical bay?”

Ulis, who’d wandered away from the disagreeing pair, turns round to remind them “Rule of Acquisition number 23. Nothing is more important than your health. Except for” and Grish joins him in finishing the rule “your money.”

They snicker together as Muk is continuing to inspect the chamber “I don’t see a locking mechanism.”

Grish suggests “it must use some sort of magnetic field. I’ll need microcharges to blow it open.”

“Hold on” Ulis tells them, stepping forward and pushing a button above the chamber.

They all step close to peer inside when the door opens then scatter in alarm when the biobed automatically rolls out. Grish, backing away from it, pulls his gun then sheepishly reholsters it when he realises there’s no danger, and no vault.

Muk is starting to get fed up “this is a waste of time. We’ve only got three hours before they begin to wake. It’ll take days to search every hatch.”

Ulis tells him “we’ll find it Muk, be patient. Open doors.”

As they search sickbay, T’Pol watches them on an internal monitor.

Grish opens a hatch “empty”

Muk is luckier and removes a piece of medical equipment from a cupboard “ah, I’ve found something.”

Ulis quickly asks him “gold?” but is to be disappointed.

Muk- “No, but it looks like quality merchandise. Oh, splendid craftsmanship.”

Ulis- “Add it to the pot.”

Muk- “Do I look like a menk to you. This beauty’s going in my personal collection.”

Ulis stalks over to Muk. “We agreed to split our profits.”

Muk- “You said the ship would make us rich. We’ll be lucky if we break even.”

Ulis- “We have a deal.”

Muk- “I’m amending it. Anything I find, I keep.”

Ulis- “Fine. I’ll just deduct it from your share of the gold.”

As they argue their way to the Bridge, Trip attaches a locking mechanism to the door of a bio-matter resequencing chamber and activating it, walks back through the outer door, quietly closing it behind him.

Ulis and Grish join Muk in the Situation Room to find he’s stockpiled items on the Console.

Muk-( ribs them) “what’s the matter Ulis, can’t find your pot of gold?”

Ulis-( reaching over to the pile of merchandise) “what’s all this?”

Muk-“Hey, hey, hey, hey don’t touch.”

Ulis-“If you’re not going to help us, you should return to the ship.”

He then glares at Grish who’s studying the console closely. Fast loosing patient, he growls “and what are you doing?”

Grish- “Looking for the vault.”

“They’re not going to put it on a map you idiot.”

Grish-“I know that, but look” and he walks round to a schematic of Enterprise on the wall “if I’m not mistaken, these are the Captain’s quarters.”

“So!”

T’Pol, in a small room behind the Situation Room, listens as she prepares to put her part of Archer’s plan to sow dissension between them, into action.

Grish tells Ulis “that’s where you keep your latinum, um?”

“What’s the quickest route?”

Grish indicating the schematic, tells him “we could take this elevator to this deck and cut through here.”

“It’s worth a look.”

T’Pol, using the padd she holding, sets off a loud buzzing noise which resonates through the Situation Room causing problems for the acute eared aliens. During their confusion she meddles with the thieves' bounty to encourage Muk and Grish's suspicions that Ulis might be trying to rob them of their rightful profit. Entering the Situation Room she puts two of the scanners in Ulis’ bag and takes the third back with her. Ignoring the shrill noise in his ears

Ulis orders “weapons” then asks the others “where’s it coming from?”

Muk locates the source “over here.”

Grish begs him “make it stop”

Muk does, by firing at the panel that’s emitting the noise. When it stops

Ulis holsters his weapon and calls them “lets get to their Captain’s quarters.”

Muk fires one more shot at the panel and laughing, joins the others. When he starts to gather his booty, he notices something’s missing and he start accusing the others of thievery and deception.

Muk- “Where are my scanners? I left them right here.”

Ulis is unconcerned “you should be more careful with your acquisitions.”

Muk is suspicious of him and his lack of sympathy “uh huh” and pointing to Ulis’ bag, tells him “open your bag.”

Ulis- “No.” Open it.”

“Are you calling me a thief?”

“Everybody knows you’d steal the wax out of your own mother’s ears.”

Grish trying to distract Muk and calm him down tells them both “please gentlemen, we’re partners.”

Muk is not interested “partners don’t rob each other.”

Ulis is dismissive of Muk’s acquisitions “why would I bother to take some worthless scanners?”

T’Pol, listening to the conversation, uses the scanner she purloined to activate 3 short bleeps in one of the others.

Muk grabs Ulis’ bag and pulls out one, then a second, scanner and waves one under Ulis’ nose “worthless!”

Ulis indignantly tells him “I didn’t put them there.” Oh, really. Then who did?”

For once in his life Ulis is telling the truth and indignantly adds “I tell you I don’t know.”

Now Muk is being sarcastic “maybe they just jumped off the table and crawled inside. Where’s the other one?” Looking at Ulis and Grish, he continues “there were three.” His gaze settles on Grish who backs away saying “don’t look at me.”

“Give it back.”

“Get away.”

“Come back here. You heard me you cheating no good liar.”

While they’re arguing, in Engineering, Krem is asking Archer’s help with the panel and instruments Muk tried to remove earlier “there, that one.”

“I’m surprised your friend didn’t get electrocuted. You can’t just yank out an anti-matter injector like it was a light bulb.”

“Would you mind?”

“I’ll have to take the injector assembly off line.”  As they walk toward the main control panel at the front of the engine

Krem tells him “warp core parts are in high demand.”

Climbing up the steps to the engine control platform Archer asks Krem

Archer-“even, if your cousin does find the vault. What makes you think he’s going to share the gold with you?”

Krem- “We have a contract.”

Archer tries to sow a few seeds of doubt

Archer-“if you’ve never seen the vault, you’ll never know what’s in there. He could try to cheat you out of your share.”

Krem- “He wouldn’t cheat me.”

Archer- “What happened to ‘never allow family to stand in the way of profit’?”

Seeing Krem looking confused Archer continues to bait Krem, suggesting he abandon his selfish cousin and strike out on his own. Sitting down on the platform deck, he looks at Krem through the guard rail

Archer- “I’ve seen the way the others treat you. One of them said you had no talent for business. Why not prove them wrong.” Getting up and coming down off the platform, conspiratorially, he continues “I got a proposition for you. Help me capture your associates and I’ll show you where the vault is. We’ll split the gold 50/50. Once they’re in the brig you can fly off a wealthy man. You said you always dreamed of having your own ship.”

Krem- “How do I know you won’t double cross me?”

Archer indicates the weapon in Krem’s hand as if its obvious “you’re the one holding the gun.”

Softly, persuasively, Archer continues “think about it. No more taking orders, getting stuck with the menial work.”( Seeing Krem wavering, Archer offers a further incentive) “I’ll even throw in the Vulcan female.”

Krem- “Oh.”

Archer- “So, what’ll it be? Opportunities like this don’t come along every day.”

Krem hesitates, tempted, then waves the rifle at Archer “get back to work.” Sighing sadly,

Archer - “it’s your loss.”

In Archer’s quarters, the aliens have found Porthos.

Grish holds out his translator to the growling dog ”where is the vault? Do you understand me?”

Porthos just barks at him.

Grish moans to Muk “I can’t lock onto its language.”

Grish- It’s a lower life form you fool. Probably the Captain’s next meal.”

“Don’t be so sure. Look at the size of its ears.” “I could get several bars of latinum for this creature at the Maulaurisian Zoo”

Picking up Porthos to inspect him discovers just how pungent dog’s breath can be. Ulis, entering the bedroom from Archer’s study, tells them both

Ulis-“there’s nothing here. Let’s search the other quarters.”

Grish follows Ulis but Muk, still holding Porthos, calls after them

Muk-“I’ve had enough of vault hunting for one day. You two have fun.”

Muk takes Porthos to the launchbay, and removing a couple of items from a trunk, puts Porthos in and closes the lid.

As he turn’s he sees a badly concealed Trip and yells “who’s there?”

Trip, realising he’s been spotted, dashes for and out the door, nearly getting shot in the hand as he operates the lock. Grish heads after him as he pulls out his communicator and calls the others “one of the aliens is awake.”

Trip manages to loose him in the corridor but Grish, recognising where he is, tries the mess hall where Trip is sitting slouched over a table feigning unconsciousness. He would have got away with it too, if he hadn’t knocked a plate just as Muk walked past him. As Muk turns, Trip launches himself into the alien pushing him to the floor. The tackle sends Muk’s gun flying and they struggle with each other trying to reach it. Beginning to loose, Trip in desperation bites the aliens ear and in the distraction of Muk’s shriek of pain, knocks him out and grabs the gun. Running down the corridor he spots Grish ahead and firing so Grish has to take cover, turns round trying to escape. Ulis with a quick flick of the whip he carries, sends a sizzling energy beam which knocks the gun out of Trip’s hand leaving him defenceless.

Ulis –(casually asks) “why aren’t you asleep?”

Sending another, stronger, bolt of energy from his whip which throws Trip backwards onto the deck, leaving him dazed and grimacing in agony

.

Walking into the launchbay ahead of Krem, Archer sees T’Pol has gone but manages to distract Krem so he doesn’t. Halting Krem with a hand on his chest

Archer - “what next?”

Turning him toward the pile of acquisitions and away from the female crewmembers, he asks

Archer-“where d’you expect me to put it? There’s hardly any room left on your ship. I think it’s time you decided what you really want to keep.”

Reaching for his communicator Krem tells him “ah, I’ll ask Ulis.”

Archer- “Can’t you make a simple decision by yourself? If you wanna run your own ship someday, maybe you should start showing a little initiative.”

Krem- “I’m not the one in charge.”

Archer-“And you never will be with that attitude.” 

Before Krem can answer, the doors open and Ulis walks in, followed by Grish and Muk, half leading, half carrying a dazed officer. As they unceremoniously throw him to the deck

Ulis asks Archer “who’s this?”

Archer-“My chief engineer.”

Grish -“why is he awake?”

Archer- “Don’t ask me.”

Grish- “Are there others?”

Ulis- “I haven’t seen anybody” and looking at Krem asks “you?”

Krem denies all knowledge “uh, huh.”

Grish turns to Ulis “the anaesthesia isn’t supposed to wear off for another two hours. Maybe we used the wrong dosage. There could be others awake. We should leave.”

Ulis- “Not without the gold.”

Muk turns on Ulis and Grish “forget about the gold. We’ll never find it.”

Ulis glares at his one time partner “if you want to leave, take one of their shuttlecraft. I’ll be happy to keep your share.”

Muk- “You expect me to go empty handed?”

Ulis- “You can keep the shuttlecraft, and the females.”

Muk- “That’s not good enough.”

Ulis, pulling his weapon on the equally armed Muk, tells him “it’ll have to be.”

Both aliens and Humans wait tensely until Muk backs down and holsters his weapon.

Muk-“You’ll regret this Ulis.”

Ulis-“Get out.”

Muk- “Grish. Help me with the women.”

Despite still being a little groggy Trip gets up quickly enough, apparently only just discovering that Archer will ‘sell’ the women to Ulis to keep the gold.

Trip- “Wait! I’ll show you the vault.”

Archer queries him “Trip?”

Trip- “Leave the women here, and I’ll let you have the gold.”

As Trip speaks to Ulis he looks intently at Archer, who gets the message, it’s okay, play along. Archer does just that and raising his voice, sounding angry, he tells Trip “not another word Commander, that’s an order.”

Trip- “I’m not letting them take my wife.”

Ulis isn’t sure he heard correctly “wife?”

Krem, stepping forward anxiously, has other worries “she’s not the one with the pointy ears is she?”

Trip- “No. Her name’s Hoshi and you’re”( pointing an accusatory finger at Krem) “going to keep your filthy hands off her.” He looks back to Ulis “do we have a deal?”

Archer steps in to perpetuate the double cross and tells Trip “you take them anywhere near that vault and I’ll throw you in the brig for insubordination.”

The pair are quite enjoying their play acting and really getting into it. Trip, aiming to gain Ulis’ trust, shouts at Archer

Trip- “you don’t give a damn about this crew. All you care about is your precious gold.”

Archer- “I’m warning you Trip!”

Trip- “You’re a greedy son of a bitch.”

Archer- “What’s your wife worth? Five bars of gold, maybe six. Let them take Hoshi and I’ll give you ten.”

Momentarily Trip doesn’t understand where his captain’s leading “What?” but understands quickly when Archer responds

Trip- “alright. 15.” In mock rage he yells at Archer and catching him by surprise, rushes him, knocking him to the floor. Even as Muk and Ulis rush to separate the pair, they, still looking as if they’re fighting, get each other up and against a console. With Muk holding Archer back, Ulis pushes Trip off him and away. Keeping in character Archer tries to take one last swipe at Trip before angrily shrugging Muk off and glaring at everyone.

Ulis is convinced and tells Trip “I accept your offer.”

Trip- “You’ll leave the women.”

Ulis-“You have my word” for what it’s worth “as a business man.”

Krem can’t believe his lobes and just stares at Ulis in stunned silence. Trip looking at Archer then the aliens, tells Ulis

Trip- “follow me.”

Grish walks toward the door as Muk rapidly empties his bag, he’s not intending to be left out. Ulis turns to stare at his three cohorts “wait here. I’ll go.”

Muk’s known Ulis for too long “so you can cheat us out of our share. Hide it in the bottom of your bag. I plan to count every bar of that gold myself, before it leaves the vault.”

“We’ll count it later.”

“Oh, I know you too well Ulis.” Grish speaks up “if he’s going. I’m going.” Krem joins in “me too.”

Now Ulis is annoyed “we can’t all go. Times running out. Someone has to stay and finish loading the ship.” Grish tattles “that’s Krem’s job.”

Krem doesn’t like the reminder “I’m tired of doing this job. I don’t want to do all the menial work.”

Ulis is fast loosing patience “Krem!”

To Archer’s silent backing and endorsement,

Krem speaks out “it’s time that I showed a little initiative. I have the lobes for business. You just never gave me the chance to prove it.”

While surprised at the vehement outburst, Ulis isn’t about to back down. Sharply he tells Krem

Ulis-“get back to work.”

Krem’s brief burst of defiance is over, meekly he tells Ulis “yes cousin.”

Muk laughs loudly at the cowardly response, Grish and Ulis joining in. Archer has to bite his lip from joining in the unkindly laughter. When the three aliens follow Trip out of the launchbay, Archer, managing not to smile, tells Krem

Archer-“you sure told him.”

Angry with himself, Krem rounds on Archer “get back to work.”

Walking toward a crate Archer sags over, faking an injury “ah, my back.”

Kelm- “What about it?”

Bending over, hand on lower back.

Archer- “I think I pulled a muscle. It’s an old water polo injury” he staggers to “it flares up every now and then” and sits down on a crate ”I just need to rest. Oh.”

Krem is frightened and urges Archer “we don’t have any time. If Ulis comes back and we’re not finished…” he leaves the rest unsaid.

Archer looks up at him, grimacing, “then you’d better get working.”

Irritably Krem glares then drags Archer up and pulls him over to a vertical grab rail by the door, handcuffing him to it before he hurriedly starts moving merchandise. Meanwhile Trip’s leading the other three a merry dance. In the turbo lift,

Ulis asks “where are we going?”

Trip- “Bottom deck.”

Muk tells him irately “we’ve already looked there.”

Trip- “You obviously didn’t look in the right place.”

When the turbo lift door opens .

Ulis mutters to him “after you”

then has to push and scramble as Muk and Grish try to get out at the same time as him.

Krem is in the launchbay when T’Pol walks quietly up behind him.

T’Pol- “Have you come to rescue me?”

At the sound of her voice Krem swings round, nervously raising his rifle as he asks “how did you wake up?”

Since the cavern incident, T’Pol has studied some aspects of Human behaviour and realising its use, her play acting has greatly improved.

T’Pol- “Whatever put the others to sleep didn’t affect me in the same way. My body works differently than the Humans.”

Krem- “Hu mons?” Walking closer to him, she continues

T’Pol- “that’s the name of their species. They’re a terrible race. Deceitful, cruel.”

Krem- “Why do you live with them?”

She talks softly, seductively

T’Pol-“it wasn’t my choice. I’m a captive here. They’ve enslaved me.”

Krem is caught hook, line and sinker when T’Pol asks him

T’Pol-“please take me with you.”

Krem- “You would make a handsome wife. Do you know how to perform Umox?”

Though she’d never heard the word before she gets his meaning from the look on his face.

T’Pol- “I’m well trained in the arts of pleasure.”

Krem- “Ooh.”

T’Pol- “But I’m not familiar with Umox.”

Krem- “My lobes. Stroke my lobes.”

T’Pol- “Like this?” she asks as she rubs the rims of his ears.

Krem is ecstatic with pleasure “yes.”

T’Pol-“And this?” Closing his eyes, delighting in her sensual touch

Krem- “oh yes”

He doesn’t see her neck pinch him and with a look of surprise on his face, he falls unconscious to the ground. He also never realised that she’d picked his pockets and removed a set of handcuff keys.  Stopping only long enough to liberate a phase pistol, she heads for the ‘vault’.

Meanwhile the aliens are still following Trip, walking through corridors and stooping through jeffries tubes as he wastes time. Walking through yet another jeffries tube

Ulis asks “haven’t we been through this section?”

Trip- “Not yet.”

Ulis- “I recognise that conduit.”

Trip- “We have a thousand conduits like that on this ship.”

Muk moans at him “we’re going in circles.”

“This way” Trip advises as they come out into a corridor.

Grish isn’t too happy either “isn’t there a more direct route?”

Trip-“That’s the beauty of this thing” he tells them, smiling to himself “it’s impossible to find unless you know exactly where you’re going.” He’s getting quite a kick out of this, a little bit of revenge for earlier.

Ulis grouses “how much further?”

Trip- “Keep your shirt on, it’s close” and as they enter another jeffries tube, advises “watch your head.”

Grish is still moaning “is this your plan. To walk us to death?”

Trip halts in front of a doorway off the cramped access way and Ulis, forced to stop behind him.

Ulis- “is this some kind of trick?”

Trip- “Relax, we’re here.”

Trip opens the door and walks into a small lobby, the aliens again jostling each other, fighting in an attempt to be first through. As Ulis followed by Muk then Grish burst through, Trip deactivates the lock on the inner door.

Grish asks him “the vault?”

“It’s all yours” Trip tells them as he deactivates the lock.

At Ulis’ order “open it” then more aggressively as Trip doesn’t move quickly enough “open it,”

Trip complies then looks round at them to suggest “better let me go in first.”

Ulis is as always suspicious “why?”

Trip-“Knowing Captain Archer, he’s probably rigged the place with booby traps. Just, give me a few minutes to check it out.”

Muk isn’t having it “no. You could have a weapon hidden in there.”

Trip sits up and raises his hands, indicating for them to go ahead.

Ulis speaks first “I’ll go.”

Muk grabs him and struggles “not without me you won’t. You’ll fill your pockets with gold.”

Ulis- “Get your hands off me.”

Grish attempts to push them apart “we don’t have all day.” As both turn on Grish, pushing him back

Ulis yells get away from the hatch” then takes the initiative “out of my way” and pushes through first, closely followed by

Muk- “I want my share”  

Grish.- “Fine” mutters

Grish only has one interest “my gold. My gold.”

Inside they stop and stare. This doesn’t look right. No vault. No gold.

Even as Ulis realises “it’s a trap”

T’Pol is up and firing from behind the door. She manages to stun Muk and Grish before she has to duck when Ulis fires back. Her next shot goes wild and hits the resequencer but the steam erupting allows her to take advantage and stun Ulis. Standing side by side Trip and T’Pol stare at the three incapacitated aliens and Trip comments

Trip-“sorry fellas. The bank must be closed today.” 

While Trip keeps watch over the unconscious trio, T’Pol, taking the keys, goes to the launchbay to find the handcuffed Archer.

Archer- “Did it work?”

T’Pol- “Perfectly.”

Holding his hands out.

T’Pol- “do you have the key?”

She holds them up to show him but makes no effort to release him, instead she indulges herself in a very Human emotion

T’Pol-“not that interesting? No sense of humour? Always complaining?”

Unsure what to say when she throws his words back at him, he resorts to humour –this section is cute and sexually charged,the looks going between them.

Archer-“I’ll make it up to you.”

T’Pol- “How?”

Archer-“ Five bars of gold?”

When she doesn’t respond, only arches an eyebrow, he continues.Knowing that this was to highly charged B and B ended it quickly.And work and duty come first.

Archer- “open these things Sub-commander. That’s an order.”

Briefly she still hesitates, then opens the handcuffs.

Once the crew have wakened naturally the aliens are taken to the cargo hold. A very irate Malcolm has been ordered by Archer to keep away from the aliens ‘til they’re gone lest he, in anger, does something he’d regret. Instead he’s left in charge on the Bridge while Archer, T’Pol and Trip oversee the return of everything belonging on Enterprise.

In the Armoury Trip takes great pleasure in watching Grish and Muk returning torpedoes. Muk, catching his hand, whimpers, but at the amused look from Trip hurries away to fetch another. T’Pol is supervising Ulis as he grumpily carries equipment while Archer heads to the launchbay, where he’s been told Porthos was taken. He heads straight for the case and releases his beloved pet

Archer- “ah, yeh Porthos, you okay?”

Once all the equipment is restored, Ulis, Muk and Grish are secured on the Bridge of their vessel. Walking toward them Archer tells the only unrestrained alien, Krem

Archer- “I’m going to be contacting the Vulcan High Command as well as Starfleet. If you come within a light year of any one of our ships, you won’t know what hit you.”

Krem- “You’ll never see us again.”

Archer looking round at the three prisoners suggest to them “if you want to be unshackled, you might think about showing Krem here a little more respect.”

Muk growls at him “vermin”

while Ulis tells Krem “release me and I’ll forget this ever happened.”

Krem is enjoying the power and not about to give it up responds “later, maybe, if you’re nice.”

Ulis, struggling against his restraints orders Krem “let me go you idiot.”

Krem finally shouts at Ulis “shut up.”

Ulis is so surprised he does just that. Walking round to stand in front of T’Pol,

Krem asks her “are you sure you want to stay here with the humons?”

Archer can’t believe that Krem’s still trying to persuade T’Pol and walks round to stand behind her

Krem - “with my ship and your talents we could build a vast…” seeing Archer glowering at him he valiantly finishes “fortune.”

T’Pol says nothing and inclining her head graciously, leaves while Archer glances one more at the tenacious, avaricious alien and follows her off their ship.

The Humans gone, Ulis tries to negotiate his freedom with Krem

U;is-“I’ll let you have my latinum pen. The one you always had your eye on.”

“No thanks” Krem responds as he walks over and lovingly caresses the Captain’s chair.  “My beetle snuff collection?”

Sitting in the chair Krem dismisses the offer “makes me sneeze.”

Ulis-“Name your price.”

Grish ups the anti “whatever he offers you, I’ll double it.”

Ulis tries a different tack “Krem, we’re family.”

Krem’s more interested in luxuriating in the swivel chair and ignores Muk’s offer too.

Muk- “I know a Bolian female. I could introduce you.”

Krem, waving his offer away, gets up and steps forward to the helm where he disengages their ship from Enterprise and flies away.

THE END

NOTE: The crew never finds out the pirates are Ferengi, still allowing the name of their species to be discovered in the Next Generation episode 'The Last Outpost.' It is assumed that though Vulcans know of the Ferengi, they too have never seen the aliens.