DIAGNOSIS MURDER
"Trash TV"
TEASER
FADE IN:
1 INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT 1
The vast interior of this decrepit, industrial building is
AGLOW in MOVIE LIGHTS. Various MAGIC PROPS are scattered
through the empty space. KENT McCORD (CAMEO STAR #1) steps *
into frame, looking rugged and tough in a LEATHER JACKET and
JEANS.
KENT McCORD *
I'm Kent McCord. In this abandoned *
warehouse deep in an American
city, one brave man will once
again solve mysteries that have
perplexed us for centuries...
risking his life to reveal the
secrets behind the world's
greatest illusions...live.
(then:)
He's the first magician to dare *
show how the tricks are done... *
and for that, there is a price. He *
must forever hide his identity or
face certain death...he must
become The Masked Magician.
(then:)
So stay tuned...in two minutes the
mysteries of magic will finally be
revealed.
The THEME SONG swells up and a DIRECTOR'S VOICE yells:
DIRECTOR'S VOICE
And we're clear.
Kent McCord steps off his mark and we PULL BACK to reveal the *
LIGHTS, CAMERA and CREW...among them producer KENT BEAUDINE,
30s, who is standing with an irritated STEVE SLOAN. Publicist
MELANIE COOPER, 20s, is nearby.
STEVE
You told me it was an emergency.
You told me someone's life was in
jeopardy.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 2.
1 CONTINUED: 1
KENT
Didn't you hear what Kent McCord *
just said?
STEVE
That's hype.
KENT
You see that man?
Kent points across the warehouse to THE MASKED MAGICIAN, who
is taking position in front of a BULLSEYE TARGET, accompanied
by several SCANTILY CLAD FEMALE ASSISTANTS.
KENT
Most magicians would like to kill
him for this.
STEVE
When they show up, give me a call.
He starts to go, but Kent steps in front of him.
KENT
He's telling millions of people
how the tricks are done.
(then:)
The magicians want him dead.
STEVE
I'm not going to be used as a PR
stunt.
MELANIE
And you won't be.
Melanie steps forward and introduces herself.
MELANIE
Melanie Cooper, I'm a publicist
for the Pox Network. I would never
exploit this situation for
promotional purposes.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 3.
1 CONTINUED: (2) 1
STEVE
Maybe you wouldn't, but he would.
I know him. He wants Kent McCord *
to tell the audience that the
Masked Magician is in so much
danger, homicide detectives are
standing by.
She looks at Kent, who shrugs shamelessly.
KENT
You have to admit it's a grabber.
Steve turns to go.
STEVE
Bye.
Melanie is still looking at Kent.
KENT
Hey, if you were any good at your
job, you would have thought of it
first.
That's when the DIRECTOR ANNOUNCES:
DIRECTOR'S VOICE
Five seconds to air!
The magician takes his place. Kent McCord stands to one side *
of the camera, preparing to introduce the trick. The director
counts off the seconds with his fingers, then POINTS to Kent *
McCord to signify action. *
KENT McCORD *
You are about to witness an
astonishing illusion. An arrow
will pass harmlessly through the
Masked Magician and hit that bulls-
eye behind him...
(then:)
And then, if he survives, he will
reveal the secret of how it was
done.
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 4.
2 STEVE 2
Is almost at the door when his curiosity gets the better of
him. He turns around to see how the trick is done.
3 BACK TO SCENE 3
Kent McCord steps out of FRAME and begins to NARRATE the *
ACTION as the Masked Magician does his stuff with pure,
theatrical relish.
KENT McCORD (V.O.) *
To protect his identity, you will
not see his face nor hear him
speak.
The TWO ASSISTANTS dance seductively in front of the Masked
Magician. One of them hands him an ARROW. He stabs it into the
BULLSEYE like a knife. It sticks out of the target.
KENT McCORD (V.O.) *
The trick begins with his
assistants dancing in front of
him. One of them hands him an
arrow, which he stabs into the
bulls-eye to show that the sharp
point is real.
One of the assistant hands him a RIFLE. He waves his hands
magically over it and gives it back to her. She cracks it
open. The other assistant hands him AN EXPLOSIVE CHARGE. He
waves his hand magically over that as well and places the
charge in the rifle. The assistant snaps the rifle shut.
KENT McCORD (V.O.) *
An assistant gives him a rifle. He
endows it with magic powers, then
loads a charge into it.
The magician pulls the arrow out of the bullseye. The other
assistant gives him a LONG, COLORFUL RIBBON, which he ties to
the end of the arrow. He then jams the arrow into the barrel
of the rifle.
KENT McCORD (V.O.) *
He ties a ribbon to the end of the
arrow. Once the arrow hits the
bulls-eye, he will use the ribbon
to prove that it has actually gone
through his body.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 5.
3 CONTINUED: 3
The magician waves his hands magically over his body once
more, then stands in front of the bulls-eye. The assistant
takes aim...
KENT McCORD (V.O.) *
Watch closely -- maybe you can see
how the illusion is done. Here's
a hint. Ask yourself why he's
using a rifle instead of a bow to
fire the arrow...
The music SWELLS dramatically...SHE FIRES. There's a BLAST of
SMOKE and the arrow SHOOTS OUT OF THE RIFLE, trailing the
ribbon...and SMACKS RIGHT INTO the Masked Magician's chest,
right above the heart. He staggers back and COLLAPSES,
writhing in PAIN...
KENT McCORD *
Oh my God...
And on STEVE, KENT BEAUDINE, KENT McCORD and everyone rushing *
forward, we
FADE OUT:
END OF TEASER
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 6.
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
4 EXT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - ESTABLISHING - DAY (STOCK) 4
The old establishing shot.
5 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY (STOCK) 5
A WOMAN lies in bed, making a tearful confession.
WOMAN
He knew about my secret past as a
call girl, my affair with his
brother, and the forged checks. I
had to kill him, doctor.
We PULL BACK and see she's talking to a familiar-looking,
WHITE-HAIRED DOCTOR who has his back to us.
DR. SLOAN
And you would have gotten away
with it, too, if only you hadn't
polished your nails.
That's when Dr. Sloan turns around...it's PETER GRAVES. He
motions to a DETECTIVE.
DR. SLOAN
Read her her rights...
He hands the detective a pill bottle.
DR. SLOAN
And make sure she takes one pill,
three times daily.
And on Dr. Sloan's look, and the SWELLING OF THE THEME, we
PULL BACK to see all of this is actually A TELEVISION PROGRAM
(actually, it's a clip from our "Must Kill TV" episode) being
watched in:
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 7.
6 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - DOCTOR'S LOUNGE - NIGHT 6
...by DR. MARK SLOAN, DR. JESSE TRAVIS and producer JACKSON
BURLEY (Stephen J. Cannell), who ejects the cassette from the
VCR.
BURLEY
That's the "Dr. Danger" pilot Phil
Zarkin made last season based on
your life.
MARK
That's not anything like my life.
BURLEY
It's garbage. That's why the
network brought me in to revamp
the whole thing. They have
tremendous faith in the concept
and enormous respect for you. They
want to do this right.
Mark breaths a sigh of relief.
MARK
I'm very relieved to hear that. I
would have been so embarrassed if
that got on the air.
BURLEY
Of course you would. They missed
the whole essence of what you do.
MARK
Completely.
BURLEY
Where's the humanity?
MARK
Exactly.
BURLEY
Where's the relevance?
MARK
Absolutely.
BURLEY
Where's the sex?
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 8.
6 CONTINUED: 6
MARK
Sex?
BURLEY
The show didn't begin to capture
the blood, grit and raw sexuality
you face every day.
MARK
I don't face that.
JESSE
I do.
Mark gives him a look.
BURLEY
You know what audiences are
looking for today?
MARK
Their remotes?
BURLEY
Honesty. They don't want to be
patronized. They can take it the
way it really is. And that's what
we're going to give'em.
MARK
We?
Burley puts another cassette into the VCR.
BURLEY
Take a look at the new "Dr.
Danger."
INTERCUT WITH:
7 EXT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - ESTABLISHING - NIGHT (ON TV) 7
The new establishing shot, with the THREE-STEP PUSH-IN.
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 9.
8 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - HOSPITAL ROOM - NIGHT (ON TV) 8
A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN lies in bed in a SHEER NIGHTIE. She isn't
crying. She's cool and collected.
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
He knew I was a hooker, that I
seduced his wife, and that I was
emptying his secret Cayman Islands
account. He had to die.
We PULL BACK to see she's talking to a YOUNG DOCTOR in his
20s. It's an actor we will come to know as DEREK SHAW.
DR. SLOAN
You would have gotten away with
it...if only you'd changed your
perfume. I smelled it on the
corpse at the crime scene...and on
you the first time we slept
together.
She whips a SILENCED GUN out from under the sheets at the same
instant Dr. Sloan whips a HUGE GUN out from under his lab
coat. It's a STAND OFF.
DR. SLOAN
Go ahead, baby, pull the trigger.
They stay there, guns drawn on each other.
DR. SLOAN
I promise you, before that bullet
hits my skull you'll already be
dead. I'm ready to die, are you?
She wilts under his STEELY GAZE. She drops the gun. Two
UNIFORMED OFFICERS come in now. Dr. Sloan jams his gun back
into his SHOULDER HOLSTER and tells his men:
DR. SLOAN
Read her her rights.
He hands the officers a prescription bottle.
DR. SLOAN
And make sure she takes two of
these with water before every meal.
And on the his look, and the SWELLING OF THE NEW, THROBBING,
PERCUSSIVE SCORE blasting out of the TV...we END INTERCUT.
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 10.
9 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - DOCTOR'S LOUNGE - NIGHT 9
Jackson Burley proudly switches off the TV. Mark is in a state
of shock. Jesse is amused.
BURLEY
Fixing it was easy. First, I
imbued the show with unflinching
realism, then I combined the Mark
and Steve characters into one
dynamic hero: A doctor with a
badge.
MARK
I don't have a badge.
BURLEY
You're a police consultant, same
thing.
MARK
I don't have a gun and I don't
sleep with my patients.
BURLEY
What's important is that we
captured the essence of what you
do. I didn't sugarcoat the bullet.
MARK
It's mindless, superficial
entertainment that glorifies sex
and violence.
BURLEY
That's exactly why MBC is putting
"Dr. Danger" on Thursdays at nine,
right up against the hit sitcoms
on UBC and those freak show
specials on the Pox Network.
MARK
Your show demeans the medical
profession, law enforcement and
everything I believe in. I won't
have anything to do with it.
Mark walks out. Burley turns to Jesse and sighs.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 11.
9 CONTINUED: 9
BURLEY
You don't goose the fat lady
when's she's eating your pie in
the sky.
Jesse has no idea what he just said.
JESSE
Good point.
BURLEY
So, what did you think of the show?
And on Jesse's enigmatic smile, we CUT TO:
10 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - ER - NIGHT 10
Mark is walking towards the nurse's station when Steve drags
in THE MASKED MAGICIAN, the ARROW still sticking out of his
shoulder.
MARK
What happened?
STEVE
He got shot with an arrow during
a magic trick. He wouldn't let me
call an ambulance so I drove him
in myself.
Mark motions to several NURSES to follow him and leads them
into
11 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - EXAM ROOM - NIGHT 11
Steve lays the Masked Magician on the table, Mark puts on his
RUBBER GLOVES and gives orders to the nurses.
MARK
Cleanse it with betadine, pack it,
and start him on Keflex.
Mark puts his stethoscope to the magician's chest.
MARK
Breathe.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 12.
11 CONTINUED: 11
The magician does.
MARK
I don't hear signs of a pnemo or
hemothorax.
Mark straightens up and lifts the magician's arm.
MARK
(to magician:)
Can you spread your fingers for me?
(he does.)
Now make an "okay" sign.
(he does.)
Good.
Mark reaches for the magician's mask...and the magician swats
his hand away.
MASKED MAGICIAN
No. I can't reveal my identity.
STEVE
(to Mark:)
That's why he wouldn't wait for an
ambulance. He was afraid they'd
take off his mask.
MARK
I won't tell you how to do magic
if you don't tell me how to
practice medicine.
Mark pulls off his mask, then opens up the magician's jacket
to reveal A PIPE that wraps around his waist...and a TANGLE
OF FISHING LINE and COLORFUL RIBBON.
MARK
What is all this?
MASKED MAGICIAN
The secret behind the illusion.
The arrow is never supposed to
leave the rifle. A small charge
creates a loud bang and a harmless
puff of smoke.
Mark has figured out the rest.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 13.
11 CONTINUED: (2) 11
MARK
At the same moment, someone off-
stage yanks the fishing line,
pulling the ribbon out of the
rifle and into the pipe hidden
under your clothes, creating the
illusion that it passes through
your body.
Mark takes the man's arm and feels his pulse.
MASKED MAGICIAN
...then an arrow pops out of the
bulls-eye, finishing the trick.
STEVE
Only this time someone put an
explosive charge in the rifle.
MASKED MAGICIAN
They want to kill me for revealing
how the illusions are done.
MARK
Another quarter inch and they
would have succeeded. I have to
admit I can see why they're angry.
Aren't you taking the wonder out
of magic?
MASKED MAGICIAN
I love magic, but it's a dying
art, thanks to unimaginative
magicians who keep rehashing the
same old tricks. I'm forcing them
to create new illusions, to keep
magic alive.
MARK
I'm afraid there's no magic way to
remove that arrow. It's going to
hurt. Are you ready?
The magician nods. Mark is just about to start when HARSH
MOVIE LIGHT fills the room from the OBSERVATION WINDOW. They
turn to see a CAMERA CREW and SOUND MEN pressed up against the
glass. Mark is furious.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 14.
11 CONTINUED: (3) 11
MARK
Steve, get them out of here.
Mark SNAPS SHUT the BLINDS and Steve exits, closing the door
behind him.
12 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - LOBBY - NIGHT 12
Steve pushes back the camera crew from the window, holding his
BADGE up to the camera lens.
STEVE
Back off. Everybody out.
That's when Kent Beaudine rushes up.
KENT
(to Steve:)
It's okay, they're with me. It's
for the show.
STEVE
The show is over.
KENT
This is for my other one,
"Maimings, Massacres and Practical
Jokes." A few quick shots of the
gruesome wound and we're gone.
Kent pushes the BOOM MAN closer to the exam room door.
KENT
I don't want to miss the scream of
agony.
STEVE
Which will be yours if you don't
get these people out of here.
That's when Jackson Burley and Jesse walk down the hall.
Burley freezes when he spots Kent.
BURLEY
Beaudine!
Kent spots Burley and BOLTS for the doors. But Burley is
faster, taking Kent down in a FLYING TACKLE.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 15.
12 CONTINUED: 12
The CAMERA CREW turns to capture the FIGHT. Steve and Jesse
break the two men apart. It's all Steve can do to hold the
furious Burley back.
JESSE
(to Burley:)
What did you do that for?
BURLEY
He was my agent...until he became
a producer using my ideas. I
created The Masked Magician.
KENT
As a cop show, not a reality
special. It's totally different.
Burley goes for Kent again, but Steve holds him firmly. Jesse
lets Beaudine free.
JESSE
Get out of here. Take the cameras
with you.
Kent motions his crew to the doors, then shoots Burley a smirk.
KENT
"He's a magic cop who pulls
justice out of a hat." Gee, I
wonder why no one bought it.
Kent leaves. Steve releases Burley, who yells after Kent.
BURLEY
Nobody gutter-slides on my astro-
turf, pal -- and you can take that
to the bank and smoke it.
Burley marches out. Steve, baffled, turns to Jesse, who just
shrugs. And we CUT TO:
13 AN AWFUL CAR CRASH (STOCK) 13
Injured PEOPLE are treated by emergency workers.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 16.
13 CONTINUED: 13
NARRATOR'S VOICE
This spectacular accident on a
lonely interstate sent three
people to a fiery grave.
CUT TO:
14 ANOTHER AWFUL CAR CRASH (STOCK) 14
And more human suffering.
NARRATOR'S VOICE
But it was a minor fender-bender
compared to this bone-grinding
smash-up that killed two
cheerleaders.
(then:)
All this, and more, tonight on
"Red Asphalt -- America's
Bloodiest Car Accidents"
We PULL BACK to see
15 INT. POX NETWORK CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY 15
That this is all on a BIG SCREEN TV, being played for a
conference room full of SUITS. KENT BEAUDINE clicks off the TV
and finishes his presentation. The POX NETWORK LOGO is
prominent on the wall.
KENT
With "Red Asphalt," we think we've
created another reality special
franchise for Thursday nights.
Kent moves over to a CHART, which shows the Thursday night
schedule. UBC has "Pals," "Valet Girls," "He's My Wife,"
"Smart Alec," and "Sexual Surrogates." GBS has "Hawaii 6-0,"
"Lifeguards from UNCLE," and "Supertrain." MBC has "Adoption
Agency," "Dr. Danger," and "Mansect" and the POX Network has
"Maimings, Massacres & Practical Jokes," "Various Specials"
and "9 1/2 Weeks: The Series."
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 17.
15 CONTINUED: 15
KENT
Combined with the proven appeal of
its lead-in, "Maimings, Massacres
& Practical Jokes," we can deliver
a decisive blow to UBC's sitcom
block in the key demographic,
especially with men 18-35.
Kent takes his seat. MORRIE LUSTIG, president of Pox, nods
approvingly.
MORRIE
Cheap, male-skewing programs.
Can't get enough of them. And
considering how well "Mysteries of
Magic Revealed" did last night,
neither can our viewers.
Melanie hesitantly speaks up.
MELANIE
Not all of them, Mr. Lustig. The
Viewers for Better Television is
branding our specials "trash TV"
and launching a national boycott
against our advertisers.
Morrie bolts out of his seat, startling the poor girl.
MORRIE
Great -- more press!
MELANIE
And the hate mail continues to
pour in, twelve thousand letters
at last count.
MORRIE
Great -- they're watching!
Morrie starts to stride around the table.
MORRIE
(to Kent:)
I want four "Red Asphalt" specials
ready for sweeps. And two more
magic shows...even bigger and more
dangerous than the last.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 18.
15 CONTINUED: (2) 15
KENT
You got it.
MORRIE
It's going to be hard to top the
near-death of the Masked Magician.
Morrie stops behind Kent, putting his hands on his shoulders
and leaning close to his ear.
MORRIE
It's a shame we can't capture that
same sense of jeopardy every time.
He gives Kent's shoulder a squeeze and walks on. And on Kent,
message clearly received, we CUT TO:
16 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - CORRIDOR - DAY 16
Mark and Jesse are walking towards the lobby in mid-
conversation.
MARK
If I hadn't already signed over my
royalties to the pediatric AIDs
foundation, I'd shut "Dr. Danger"
down.
JESSE
So it plays a little loose with
reality, big deal.
MARK
That's my life up there, Jesse.
JESSE
No, it's "Dr. Danger's" life.
You're just the inspiration.
MARK
But I'm nothing like that. How
many doctors do you know who are
homicide detectives?
JESSE
TV isn't supposed to be real, it's
supposed to be fun.
(more)
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 19.
16 CONTINUED: 16
JESSE (cont'd)
(then:)
Do you really think people would
tune in every week to watch us?
MARK
Maybe with the right cast.
JESSE
Face it, Mark, we aren't that
interesting.
That's when they reach lobby, just as Jackson Burley and DEREK
SHAW, the actor who plays Dr. Danger, enter. Derek is wearing
a white LAB COAT and ID TAG. Jesse isn't pleased to see them.
BURLEY
Derek, I'd like you to meet the
real Dr. Sloan.
Derek and Mark shake hands. Derek motions to Mark's name tag.
DEREK
We're going to spell Sloan with an
"e" to make the character my own.
MARK
So I see. Why are you wearing a
lab coat?
BURLEY
Jesse's giving us a tour. Derek is
absorbing his role.
JESSE
(to Burley:)
You're an hour early.
DEREK
(to Mark:)
Let me see your piece.
MARK
I don't have a piece.
Derek opens his jacket.
DEREK
I got mine.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 20.
16 CONTINUED: (2) 16
So he does.
MARK
That's not loaded is it?
Derek taps his head.
DEREK
It is in here.
MARK
I see.
Mark gives Jesse a look. Jesse just smiles and motions them
towards the exam rooms.
JESSE
So, shall we get started?
BURLEY
Thanks for lending us your boy,
Mark. He brings truth to the table.
MARK
Really?
Jesse stands at the exam room door and motions them to follow.
JESSE
We better get moving. There's so
much to absorb.
BURLEY
His script will be raw, but I like
it that way.
Mark gives Jesse a stony look.
MARK
You're writing a script?
Jesse wilts, caught.
BURLEY
It will give the show the sharp
edge of reality and maintain the
integrity of the Mark Sloan
character.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 21.
16 CONTINUED: (3) 16
DEREK
With an "e."
MARK
Perhaps Jesse should work on his
own integrity first.
Mark grabs a stack of charts and steps into the elevator,
looking pointedly at Jesse as the doors close.
JESSE
Mark, wait--
But the doors close before Jesse can reach the elevator. Jesse
sags. This is a mess. Derek steps up to him.
DEREK
Can I see your piece?
And on Jesse's look, we CUT TO:
17 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY 17
The Masked Magician is in bed...and still wearing his mask.
Mark is at his bedside, along with Kent Beaudine and Melanie
Cooper.
MARK
If you keep the wound clean and
take it easy, there's no reason
you can't go home right now.
MASKED MAGICIAN
I'm going straight to the studio
and start rehearsing for
tomorrow's live broadcast.
MARK
I don't think that's a good idea.
Kent leans close to Melanie and whispers:
KENT
"The Masked Magician is performing
despite fervent protests from his
team of top surgeons." Use it.
She scribbles it in her notepad.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 22.
17 CONTINUED: 17
MASKED MAGICIAN
You just told me I was fine.
MARK
But there's a good chance whoever
sabotaged the trick will try
again. You may not be so lucky
this time.
KENT
(again, to Melanie)
"Daring death for you, the
viewer." Use it.
She jots it down.
MASKED MAGICIAN
If I was going to be scared off,
I wouldn't have done it in the
first place. Besides, I'm getting
a big raise.
KENT
Not from me.
MASKED MAGICIAN
Then I'll get it from GBS, where
I will be doing my next special.
(to Melanie)
Use that.
She starts to write it down...
KENT
Okay. Fine. You win.
(to Melanie)
But this stays quiet.
She scratches it out.
MASKED MAGICIAN
That's one secret I'll keep. It's
my identity I'm going to reveal --
on tomorrow night's show.
KENT
What?!
He scratches his mask.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 23.
17 CONTINUED: (2) 17
MASKED MAGICIAN
It's hell on my skin anyway.
Mark and Melanie are surprised. Kent is furious.
MARK
You're going to get yourself
killed.
KENT
You're going to get the show
killed.
MASKED MAGICIAN
My show is all about revealing
secrets. If I don't do it, I'm a
hypocrite and a fraud.
KENT
Of course you are, you're on TV.
That's what people expect you to
be.
(then:)
You obviously don't understand the
business at all.
MASKED MAGICIAN
Besides, as long as I'm masked,
I'm replaceable.
MARK
(to Kent:)
He understands.
Mark slips out the door, Melanie follows him, just as the
SHOUTING MATCH starts between Kent and the Masked Magician.
18 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - CORRIDOR - DAY 18
Mark walks down the hall with Melanie.
MARK
It's unfortunate what has happened
to the TV business. It's all about
ratings now.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 24.
18 CONTINUED: 18
MELANIE
It wasn't supposed to be like
this. TV was supposed to unify us,
to help us understand ourselves
and each other through intelligent
programming.
Mark gives her a look. Melanie smiles, embarrassed.
MELANIE
My father was Pat Cooper.
MARK
The founder of MBC?
(off her nod:)
I guess "Maimings, Massacres &
Practical Jokes" wasn't what he
had in mind when he helped create
network television.
MELANIE
He saw television as a kind of
university, open to the world. But
he didn't foresee how competitive
the medium would become.
(then:)
Pay-per-view, cable, five
networks, home video, first-run
syndication, the Internet...all
fighting for our limited attention
spans.
MARK
So what are you doing at POX?
MELANIE
You have to start at the bottom to
get to the top.
MARK
You want to run a network?
MELANIE
Someday...if there are any
networks left.
She walks on. And on Mark, looking after her, we DISSOLVE TO:
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 25.
19 EXT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT 19
MAGICIANS are demonstrating outside the warehouse where
"Mysteries of Magic Revealed" is broadcast, drawing a crowd of
lookee-loos and THE PRESS. They are being held back by a
police barricade. Mark, Steve and Melanie are on the other
side, watching as THE AMAZING ARTURO, in his black CAPE, faces
the NEWS CAMERAS.
ARTURO
For centuries, audiences have been *
mystified and entertained by *
amazing feats of magic. Each *
magician makes an implicit vow to *
never reveal the secrets behind *
those tricks. One man has broken *
that vow. The Masked Magician *
will pay for his traitorous
betrayal of the magic arts. We
will make sure he disappears
forever.
Arturo thrusts his arms into the air and POOF!... he
DISAPPEARS in a HUGE PUFF OF SMOKE. The CROWD CHEERS. Among
the faces in the crowd is an OMINOUS LOOKING MAN we will come
to know as GARTH ZAND. More about him later, but first:
STEVE
(to Melanie:)
I thought this was a secret
location.
MELANIE
It was...until Kent Beaudine *
tipped them off.
MARK
Why did he do that?
MELANIE
Nothing like a little conflict to
stoke ratings. Half those cameras
are ours.
Mark and Steve share a look. Melanie glances at her watch.
MELANIE
We're about to come back from
commercial.
They hurry inside and we CUT TO:
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 25A*.
20 INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT 20
As Kent McCord faces the camera. (We INTERCUT Mark, Steve, and
Kent Beaudine watching the trick from behind the camera)
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 26.
20 CONTINUED: 20
KENT McCORD *
You just saw it for yourselves.
Even as a mob screams for his
blood outside, the Masked Magician
continues to reveal the darkest
mysteries of magic...
Kent McCord steps OUT OF FRAME to reveal The Masked Magician *
standing in front of "The Bed of Spikes," a PLATFORM of METAL
SPIKES suspended over the "bed," which is raised so you can
see there's nothing underneath it.
KENT McCORD (V.O.) *
Each trick is more dangerous than
the last. But nothing can match
the risk of what he's about to do.
The Masked Magician WHIPS OFF HIS MASK. It's VAL VALENTINO.
MASKED MAGICIAN
This is who I am. Why have I
revealed these secrets? To
reinvigorate a declining art.
Revealing these old tricks will
inspire magicians everywhere to
create new illusions to dazzle and
amaze us....keeping magic alive.
(then:)
And now I will put to rest one of
the oldest tricks of them all.
The magician strides around the platform, grabbing an
occasional spike to show it's solid and waving his hand under
them to show there are no mirrors.
KENT McCORD (V.O.) *
The magician tests the spikes to
prove they are real and waves his
hand underneath them to show there
are no mirrors. Let me assure you,
the spikes are as razor-sharp as
they look.
The magician lays down in the center of the bed, underneath
the spikes. SEVERAL SCANTILY CLAD FEMALE assistants come out
to fit his arms and legs into straps. Then they step away and
draw a CURTAIN around the bed...
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 27.
20 CONTINUED: (2) 20
KENT McCORD (V.O.) *
The magician is strapped down, and
then a curtain is drawn around the
bed. Notice the curtain doesn't
reach the floor...this is so you
can see he can't hide under the
bed.
The ASSISTANTS release the ROPES, the MAGICIAN SCREAMS, and
the PLATFORM OF SPIKES falls, SPLINTERING THE WOOD, their
POINTS showing underneath the bed. The assistants dance out
and whip open the curtain. The magician isn't there. There's
a long silence.
MARK
(to Kent:)
Where is he?
KENT
I don't know. He's supposed to be
sitting on top of the platform.
Uh-oh. Mark, Steve, Kent Beaudine and Kent McCord rush over to *
the bed. Steve and Kent McCord grab the ROPES and raise the *
platform of spikes.
21 TIGHT ON MARK AND KENT 21
As they react to what they see. Kent looks away...it's not
pretty. Mark leans down, OUT OF FRAME, to check the body. He
shoots a look to Steve.
MARK
He's dead.
And on Steve's reaction, we
FADE OUT:
END OF ACT ONE
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 28.
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
22 INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT 22
It's now a crime scene. The body is WHEELED AWAY in a BODY
BAG. AMANDA joins Mark.
AMANDA
I don't think I need to tell you
the cause of the death.
MARK
No.
AMANDA
How did the trick go wrong?
MARK
Pretty simple, really. Although
the magician is actually tied
down, the straps are only attached
to the bed with velcro. When the
curtain is drawn, he sits up, and
rolls on to this narrow ledge just
before the spikes fall.
(then:)
Only this time, one of the straps
was real.
Mark leads Amanda to the bed...where there are THREE VELCRO
STRIPS and just ONE STRAP still there. He yanks on the strap
to show it's still securely attached. Kent walks up and looks
at the strap.
KENT
Why would someone do such a thing?
Mark glares at him.
MARK
Maybe to avoid paying a hefty
raise and to make sure the last
special gets the biggest ratings
possible.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 29.
22 CONTINUED: 22
KENT
I meant why would someone else do
such a thing?
STEVE'S VOICE
You mean like the Amazing Arturo?
Steve walks up with Arturo, who HANDCUFFED and dressed in an
EXECUTIONER'S ROBES.
STEVE
I caught him hiding in a crate,
wearing that and holding this.
Steve holds up a DAGGER.
STEVE
(to Arturo:)
Want to explain why?
ARTURO
Not without a lawyer.
Steve leads him away, Mark shakes his head, upset with himself.
MARK
When Arturo "disappeared" out
front, it was a distraction... so
he could sneak past the police
line and get in here. A basic,
garden-variety illusion...and I
fell for it.
KENT
Don't be too hard on yourself,
Mark. I'm sure you'll come off
very sympathetically in the TV
movie.
Kent claps Mark on the back and walks away. And on Mark and
Amanda, both disgusted with him, we CUT TO:
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 30.
23 INT. GBS NETWORK - TANYA SIMONE'S OFFICE - DAY 23
Network president TANYA SIMONE, 30s, sharp and professional,
is sitting in the homey conversation area of her office facing
NATHAN REECE, 50s, tough-minded CEO of Allied Bottling and his
right-hand man, GARTH ZAND, who we will recognize from the
crowd outside the warehouse.
REECE
Since Allied Bottling bought GBS
a year ago, we have allowed you to
remain autonomous, to run the
network your way.
TANYA
And I appreciate that, Mr. Reece.
Tanya glances at Zand, who sits in a chair, staring cooly at
her. It's unnerving.
REECE
We did that because we didn't
understand how the television
business worked. We still don't.
TANYA
It's not as easy as it looks. You
are at the mercy of a fickle
audience, an amorphous culture,
and a turbulent social landscape.
But it can be very rewarding.
REECE
There's nothing rewarding about
losing $150 million annually.
Tanya shifts uncomfortably in her seat and chances another
glance at Zand, who's expression hasn't changed.
TANYA
All it takes is one hit to change
all that. And I'm pleased to say
that our development for next
season looks very promising.
REECE
We can't wait until next season to
see substantial improvements.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 31.
23 CONTINUED: 23
TANYA
It takes a year to develop and
produce new series...and virtually
all of them will be canceled
within 13 episodes. But you keep
putting shows out there, hoping
that just one of them will survive
the season. That is the television
business.
REECE
Now I know why we don't understand
it...because it makes no economic
sense.
(then:)
Perhaps it's time you learned how
we do things on the bottling side.
TANYA
I don't see how the bottling
business applies to what we do.
REECE
Mr. Zand will show you.
Reece rises, motioning to Garth Zand as he does. She looks at
Zand.
REECE
He's your new vice president of ...
(to Garth:)
What was it, again, Garth?
ZAND
West Coast Operations.
REECE
Yes, right. West Coast Operations.
I think you'll find that Mr. Zand
will be instrumental in devising
new competitive strategies. You'll
work very well together.
Reece walks out, leaving the two of them sitting there.
There's a long moment of silence, then:
ZAND
I don't know anything about TV.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 32.
23 CONTINUED: (2) 23
Tanya looks at him. Why isn't that a surprise? He offers her
a thin smile.
ZAND
But then, I didn't know anything
about hamburgers before we bought
the Burger Town chain. Now I can
tell you everything about a Double
Cheese Super Deluxe, right down to
the number of sesame seeds on the
bun.
TANYA
Really.
She couldn't be less interested.
ZAND
So, at first, you'll have to
forgive me if I ask a few dumb
questions.
TANYA
Okay.
ZAND
For instance, why aren't we first *
on Thursday night?
She gets up wearily, goes to the schedule board and taps the
card labeled "He's My Wife." Duh.
TANYA
"He's My Wife" on UBC at 9 pm.
It's been the number one sitcom on
television for five years.
ZAND
Why aren't we second?
TANYA
Because the freak show specials on
the Pox Network are difficult to
counter-program. It's hard to top
a live murder.
ZAND
Then why aren't we third?
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 33.
23 CONTINUED: (3) 23
Tanya takes a deep breath and tries not to snap at him.
TANYA
All we can do is put the programs
out there, Mr. Zand. The audience
decides what its going to watch.
That's the way it is.
ZAND
Then it seems to me that's the
first thing we ought to change.
He gets up slowly and walks out, Tanya staring after him. And
we CUT TO:
24 INT. POLICE STATION - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY 24
Mark and Steve sit across from Arturo.
ARTURO
My lawyer has advised me to
cooperate.
STEVE
You hired the right lawyer.
(then:)
You can start by telling us what
you were doing hiding in a crate,
dressed as an executioner.
MARK
And why we found one of the Masked
Magician's assistants bound and
gagged in a storage closet.
ARTURO
First, I have to show you this. My
lawyer dropped it off for me.
Arturo gets up and puts a VIDEO CASSETTE in the VCR. Arturo
hits PLAY on the remote.
ARTURO
This was going to be the Masked
Magician's next trick. He taped
his rehearsal. It's called the
executioner's box.
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 34.
25 ON THE TV 25
The MASKED MAGICIAN stands in front of a tall crate. A
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN in a LONG EXECUTIONERS ROBE comes out with a
LARGE SACK, which she sets on the floor. He steps into a BAG.
She pulls it up to his neck and TIES IT SHUT. She then leads
him into the box and closes it. The executioner puts a HOOD
over her head, picks up a DAGGER, and dances around the box a
few times...then opens it. The Masked Magician is still there,
stuck in the bag. The executioner yanks off the magician's
mask...and reveals THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. Now the executioner
whips off his hood...it's THE MASKED MAGICIAN. Somehow they
have changed places. Amazing.
26 BACK TO SCENE 26
Mark smiles, he's figured it out.
MARK
I think I've got it.
He rewinds the tape and explains how it's done AS HE PLAYS IT
AGAIN. We INTERCUT as necessary.
MARK
There are actually three people
involved in this trick, one of
whom is hiding behind the box when
the trick begins, dressed just
like the executioner.
(then:)
That would have been you.
ARTURO
You should have been a magician,
Dr. Sloan.
MARK
When the woman dances behind the
box, she stays and the third
person dances out. While the third
person dances, the woman switches
places with the magician in the
box through a secret opening in
the back.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 35.
26 CONTINUED: 26
STEVE
(catching on:)
Then the third person dances
behind the box and the magician
comes out in his place, disguised
in the executioner's robes.
MARK
That's how the trick is usually
done. But you were going to
incapacitate the magician when he
came out of the box...and replace
him as the executioner.
ARTURO
I was going to whip off my hood,
reveal myself...and deliver a
statement on behalf of the magic
community against what he has done.
STEVE
Which means the woman in the trick
had to be your accomplice.
ARTURO
Leave her out of this. I take full
responsibility.
STEVE
Is that a confession?
ARTURO
Yes. It's also my alibi.
Mark gets it.
MARK
Why would you still be around,
preparing to sabotage this trick,
if you'd already rigged the bed of
spikes?
ARTURO
Exactly. I'd have to be an idiot.
MARK
Or extremely clever.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 36.
26 CONTINUED: (2) 26
STEVE
You may have done all this just to
rule yourself out as a suspect.
ARTURO
Unless you can prove that right
now, I believe I am free to go.
Arturo looks at Steve, who reluctantly opens the door.
STEVE
Just don't disappear.
Arturo leaves. Steve turns to his Dad.
STEVE
So where does that leave us?
MARK
Back at the beginning.
And on Mark, his mind working, we CUT TO:
27 EXT. MONOLITH STUDIOS - ESTABLISHING - DAY (STOCK) 27
28 INT. MONOLITH STUDIOS - SOUNDSTAGE - DAY 28
As Jackson Burley leads Jesse and Amanda on a tour of the "Dr.
Danger" stage. EXTRAS in MEDICAL GARB lounge around, reading
paperbacks and magazines, waiting for their call.
BURLEY
We're on an accelerated production
schedule. MBC wants "Dr. Danger"
on the air next Thursday.
JESSE
That's the worst timeslot on
television. You'll be up against
"He's My Wife."
BURLEY
But not the Masked Magician.
Against "Red Asphalt," we could
come in second... all we need are
promotable stories.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 37.
28 CONTINUED: 28
Burley claps Jesse on the back.
BURLEY
Think big. Think bloody. Think
hooters.
AMANDA
Hooters?
BURLEY
That's one thing "Red Asphalt"
won't have.
They enter the THREE-WALLED ELEVATOR SET and find themselves
in the lobby of the COMMUNITY GENERAL SET, where THE CREW is
is preparing for another shot, adjusting lights, checking
marks, etc.
BURLEY
Welcome to Community General
hospital.
AMANDA
Wow. It looks so real.
Amanda runs her hands along the counter of the nurse's station.
BURLEY
It is. Right down to the gum
underneath the waiting room seats.
AMANDA
But no one will see the gum, what
difference does it make?
BURLEY
Reality, baby. It permeates.
Actors absorb it and use it in
their performance.
JESSE
You could probably build a real
hospital for what this must have
cost.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 38.
28 CONTINUED: (2) 28
BURLEY
Actually, it's a redress of a set
from "Beyond the Beyond." This was
the underwater sperm bank on
Altair-2.
Amanda takes her hand off the counter, disgusted, and wipes it
on her pants.
AMANDA
You don't build sets from scratch?
BURLEY
You save money where you can. Some
of these flats date back to "Jake
& The Fatman."
That's when Jesse notices a YOUNG ASIAN WOMAN, wearing a
DOCTOR'S COAT over a LOW-CUT TOP, practicing KARATE MOVES in
the exam room, which is missing one wall and is open to the
stage.
JESSE
Who is that?
BURLEY
That's Dr. Jesse Travis.
Jesse looks at her again. Amanda is amused.
JESSE
You told me I was a vibrant
character with lots of levels.
BURLEY
The network felt a woman would be
sexier...particularly one with a
black belt.
(then:)
"A doctor with healing hands and
feet of fury."
AMANDA
It's a definite improvement.
(off Jesse's look:)
Think big. Think bloody. Think
hooters.
Jesse shoots her a nasty look then turns to Burley.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 39.
28 CONTINUED: (3) 28
JESSE
What did the network make you do
to Amanda?
BURLEY
Nothing. She's perfect.
Amanda flashes Jesse a smug smile. That's when Burley spots
Derek Shaw coming on the set.
BURLEY
Excuse me, gotta stroke the talent.
Burley goes over to confer with Shaw. Jesse turns to Amanda.
JESSE
You think Mark will forgive me for
writing a script? Burley begged me
to do it and it seemed like fun.
AMANDA
I'm sure Mark will get over it. As
long as you don't make him look
bad.
JESSE
That's why I'm here. Burley wants
me to ground the show in reality.
That's when they hear a BELL RING and the director yell:
DIRECTOR'S VOICE
Action!
Amanda and Jesse turn to see:
29 INT. THEIR POV - COMMUNITY GENERAL LOBBY 29
Derek Shaw aka "Dr. Sloane" leans over a SICK CHILD in a wheel
chair.
DR. SLOANE
Don't worry, Timmy. You're going
to see tomorrow...and a lot of
tomorrows after that...you'll know
love, heart-break, happiness and
pain.
(more)
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 40.
29 CONTINUED: 29
DR. SLOANE (cont'd)
The crazy kaleidoscope of
experiences we call life.
(then:)
Because you're going to get that
kidney...or I'll give you one of
mine.
Dr. Sloane musses the brave kid's hair then turns away, and
that's when we see a TEAR roll down the doctor's cheek.
DIRECTOR'S VOICE
Cut!
30 BACK TO SCENE 30
Amanda looks at Jesse and tries to stifle a laugh.
AMANDA
You can't get much more realistic
than that. I don't think Mark has
any spare organs left to give.
She claps him on the back and walks off. And on Jesse's
discomfort, we CUT TO:
31 INT. POX NETWORK - DAY 31
Mark is wandering down the hall when he spots Melanie Cooper.
MARK
Hello, Melanie. Do you know where
I can find Kent Beaudine?
MELANIE
He's in the editing room, putting
together the next episode of
"Maimings, Massacres & Practical
Jokes."
MARK
What kind of person would watch a
program like that?
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 41.
31 CONTINUED: 31
MELANIE
I don't know... but there are 15
million of them. All of them and
probably a couple million more
will watch to see the Masked
Magician get killed again.
MARK
Kent's using that footage?
(off her nod:)
Has he no shame?
MELANIE
That's what makes him such a good
producer. Third door on your left.
She walks away. Mark continues down the hall.
32 INT. POX NETWORK - EDITING ROOM - DAY 32
Kent sits with an editor in front of a COMPUTER. The Masked
Magician's murder plays on the screen. Mark stands in the
doorway, shocked.
MARK
You're using the Masked Magician's
death on your show?
Kent looks up, surprised.
MARK
How can you?
KENT
I can't stop asking myself that
same question. There are so many
serious issues to consider.
Mark regards Kent in a new light. Maybe there's so hope for
this man yet...
KENT
I mean...is it a maiming, a
massacre or a practical joke?
Technically, they all apply.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 42.
32 CONTINUED: 32
MARK
Technically, you're looking at
life in prison no matter which it
is.
Mark walks away. Kent rushes out after him.
33 INT. POX NETWORK - KENT'S OFFICE - DAY 33
Kent hustles him into his expansive office, which includes a
small kitchenette.
KENT
Sssh. Are you trying to ruin my
reputation?
MARK
I don't think that's possible.
Kent slams the door.
KENT
I had nothing to do with what
happened last night.
MARK
Except you were the one who told
Arturo where you were shooting.
KENT
That's not a crime.
Kent picks a mug off his desk, goes to the kitchenette, and
pours himself a cup of coffee from a STYLISH METAL KETTLE.
MARK
It is if you helped him get into
the warehouse.
KENT
What if I did? That doesn't mean
I killed the Masked Magician.
MARK
It suggests you were setting him
up to take the fall for a murder
you committed.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 43.
33 CONTINUED: 33
Kent walks back towards his desk. A DROP of COFFEE falls from
the bottom of the mug... and hits the floor.
KENT
If I was going to kill the Masked
Magician, I would've waited until
at least the second commercial
break, I wouldn't sacrifice the
second half-hour of the show.
34 MARK'S POV 34
The DROPLET is EATING A HOLE THROUGH THE FLOOR.
35 BACK TO SCENE 35
Kent is about to take a sip when Mark knocks the coffee cup
from his hand. The mug HITS THE WALL and SHATTERS. Kent rears
back, staring at Mark like he's insane.
KENT
What's got into you?
MARK
It's what's got into your coffee
that matters.
Mark points to the wall. Kent looks and sees THE COFFEE EATING
THROUGH THE WALL...the ACID HISSING.
MARK
You were about to have a fatal
case of acid indigestion.
And on Kent's shock, we
FADE OUT:
END OF ACT TWO
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 44.
ACT THREE
FADE IN:
36 INT. BBQ BOB'S - NIGHT 36
The resturant is closed. Our heroes are all gathered at the
counter, party food in front of them. Jesse is excited, Mark
is apprehensive. Steve and Amanda are simply curious.
JESSE
In five seconds, "Dr. Danger"
premieres and you become a
national icon.
MARK
Or a national joke.
Steve nudges Amanda and grins.
STEVE
My Daddy's an action hero.
Amanda glances admiringly at Mark.
AMANDA
Wow. Can I see your piece?
Mark glares at them both.
MARK
I don't know if I can bear to
watch this.
Steve and Amanda laugh. Jesse shushes everyone.
JESSE
Quiet -- it's starting.
37 ON THE TV 37
The "Dr. Danger" main titles begin...a series of ACTION SCENES
cut to a PULSATING, PERCUSSIVE SCORE: Dr. Sloane tackles
someone in the hospital corridor and sticks a gun in the man's
face. There's a STOCK FOOTAGE CAR CHASE. Dr. Sloane kisses a
beautiful woman, then spins her around, pinning her arm behind
her...and forcing her to drop the KNIFE she was about to
plunge in his back. There's a STOCK FOOTAGE EXPLOSION.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 45.
37 CONTINUED: 37
And on the title DR. DANGER...
MARK'S VOICE
Change the channel.
38 BACK TO SCENE 38
Mark has had enough. Jesse looks imploringly at him.
JESSE
But it's just the beginning.
MARK
That's what terrifies me.
Jesse reluctantly changes the channel to:
39 ON THE TV 39
A metal-crunching CAR CRASH and the NARRATION:
NARRATOR'S VOICE
...a flesh-shredding collision
that killed a family of three and
their adorable dog. All this and
more on tonight's premiere of "Red
Asphalt -- America's Worst Car
Crashes."
40 BACK TO SCENE 40
JESSE
Now, maybe, you can appreciate Dr.
Danger.
Mark, disgusted, takes the remote from Jesse and changes the
channel again, landing on
41 ON THE TV 41
It's a VIDEO-TAPED SITCOM on a TWO WALLED BEDROOM SET. Actor
GERRY LANE in a dress, shaving cream on his face, a razor in
his hand, is confronting another actor.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 46.
41 CONTINUED: 41
GERRY
How am I supposed to get a date
with a supermodel if they all
think I'm your wife?
We hear a BURST OF CANNED LAUGHTER and Mark switches off the
set.
42 BACK TO SCENE 42
Mark tosses the remote on the counter. Steve looks at Jesse.
STEVE
Who was that?
JESSE
Gerry Lane. You know...
(but he doesn't:)
Star of "He's My Wife." The most
popular show on television...
(off his blank look:)
There are other things on TV
besides "Baywatch."
STEVE
Why was he wearing a dress?
JESSE
Gerry's best friend had to marry
within a year or lose his $300
million inheritance...but he's
such a jerk, no woman will marry
him. So Gerry does, for a
percentage... and wacky hijinks
ensue.
Amanda shakes her head.
AMANDA
What has television come to?
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 47.
42 CONTINUED: 42
MARK
It's getting to be murder.
(then:)
I don't think whoever killed the
Masked Magician did it to prevent
him from revealing how tricks are
done. It was for ratings.
Jesse picks up a piece of paper and pen and starts making some
notes.
STEVE
But the only one who benefitted
from the ratings was Kent
Beaudine, and someone tried to
kill him, too.
AMANDA
He could have staged the attempt
on his life to throw suspicion off
himself.
MARK
I don't think so. He had no idea
I was coming down there...and he
would have done something flashier
than putting acid in his own
coffee.
(then:)
The sabotage and killings are all
about stopping Kent Beaudine's hit
specials.
AMANDA
You mean his Trash TV.
That's when Steve notices Jesse taking notes.
STEVE
What are you doing?
JESSE
Trying to capture your voices for
my "Dr. Danger" script. Keep
talking... but be authentic.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 48.
42 CONTINUED: (2) 42
MARK
(to Jesse:)
You know as well as I do that "Dr.
Danger" has nothing to do with
reality. How can you write for it?
JESSE
It's just entertainment, Mark.
You're taking it way too seriously.
(then:)
I don't mind being an Asian woman
who heals with her hands and
fights injustice with her feet of *
fury... why should you mind being
a doctor with a badge?
MARK
You're sounding more and more like
Jackson Burley every day.
STEVE
Who has, by the way, a strong
motive for seeing Beaudine and his
shows fail. Beaudine stole the
idea for The Masked Magician from *
him... and those specials would've
been competing with "Dr. Danger."
MARK
(to Jesse:)
Maybe you could ask Burley a few
questions... he won't have his
guard up around you.
AMANDA
But if he does, just use your feet
of fury.
And on Jesse's look, we CUT TO:
43 INT. LE GUERRE RESTAURANT - NIGHT 43
It's a celebration for "Dr. Danger." Derek Shaw, Jackson
Burley, and bunch of stars, starlets, and wanna-be stars and
starlets, party it up at a table.
BURLEY
I want to make a toast.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 49.
43 CONTINUED: 43
He raises his glass to Shaw.
BURLEY
To the guy who runs on the molten
concrete to destiny-ville and that
shining light that reflects off
the eyes of hope.
(then:)
And I mean that.
Whatever the hell that means. Everyone tinks their glasses and
drinks up...all under the watchful eyes of GARTH ZAND, sitting
alone at a table in a corner of the restaurant. Derek gets up
and hugs Burley.
DEREK
Thanks, Jack. That tore.
BURLEY
To the bone, pal.
Burley claps him on the back. Derek raises a fist to his
friends.
DEREK
I got places to go. Keep the flame
burning.
They all raise their fists back at him. He leaves. Garth Zand
waits a beat, then follows him out, out of sight of the
others. Zand flashes a big smile.
ZAND
Hate to trouble you, Mr. Shaw, but
my little niece Katie would kill
me if I told her I saw you and
didn't get an autograph.
DEREK
Sure.
Zand holds out a napkin and a pen to Derek, who takes it,
scrawls his autograph and hands it back to him.
ZAND
Thanks so much.
Zand glances at the autograph.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 50.
43 CONTINUED: (2) 43
ZAND
Dr. Sloane?
DEREK
I always sign as the character I'm
playing. It's my thing.
ZAND
And what a dandy thing it is. And
you've numbered it, too.
DEREK
That will be especially valuable,
five or six years from now, since
it's the first one I've signed in
the role.
ZAND
You think you'll be lucky enough
to stay on the air that long?
DEREK
I make my own luck, friend.
Shaw leaves. Zand looks after him and tosses the napkin in the
trash.
ZAND
Makes two of us.
After a moment, Zand leaves. And we DISSOLVE TO:
44 INT. MONOLITH STUDIOS - ESTABLISHING - DAY (STOCK) 44
45 INT. MONOLITH STUDIOS - BURLEY'S OFFICE - DAY 45
This is Burley's club house, crammed with memorabilia from his
shows ("Frankencop," "Young Barnaby Jones Chronicles," "My Gun
Has Bullets," etc) and masculine things like a basketball
hoop, a punching bag...for instance, he's astride a motorcycle
as he gives Jesse notes on his script. They are about half-way
through the session.
BURLEY
This scene with the guy hit by the
bulldozer...it just sits there.
(more)
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 51.
45 CONTINUED: 45
BURLEY (cont'd)
It needs more of the ER stuff.
Stat this and stat that.
Jesse makes a quick note in the script.
JESSE
ER stuff, got it.
BURLEY
Don't you think the guy is kind of
passive?
JESSE
Well, he has been run over by a
bulldozer.
BURLEY
But he's just laying there with a
tube in his throat.
JESSE
That's what people do when they
have massive internal injuries.
BURLEY
What if the instant Dr. Sloane
turns his back, the guy, delirious
with pain, yanks his ET tube out
and tries to strangle the nurse
with it?
JESSE
But--
Burley is on a roll now, nothing can get in his way...
BURLEY
So Dr. Sloane spins on his heels,
punches him in the face, throws
him onto the table, straddles the
guy and jams the tube back down
his throat.
JESSE
I don't think that's possible.
BURLEY
If you write it, it's possible.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 52.
45 CONTINUED: (2) 45
Jesse is about to argue some more when the FEMALE ASSISTANT
brings in some papers.
BURLEY
Ah, the ratings!
Burley swings off the boss hawg and snatches the pages out of
the ASSISTANT'S HANDS.
JESSE
How did we do?
Burley sorts quickly through the pages.
BURLEY
Kick-ass. We came in third.
JESSE
That doesn't sound so good to me.
BURLEY
UBC's "He's My Wife" and "Pals"
are always number one -- the fight
on Thursday is for second place.
He hands the pages to Jesse.
JESSE
And "Red Asphalt" on POX was
second. We still lost.
BURLEY
By one sickly little share point.
(then:)
When MBC had "Con Artist" in this
slot, they were ten share points
behind.
JESSE
"Con Artist?"
BURLEY
Lee Majors as an ex-con whose
jailhouse tattoos come to life and
help people in need. Lasted six
episodes.
Now Jesse remembers it.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 53.
45 CONTINUED: (3) 45
JESSE
Oh yeah, it's on UPN now.
BURLEY
Once those freak shows on POX are
gone, we'll be number two.
This is the opening Jesse has been looking for.
JESSE
What makes you think those
specials are going to stop?
BURLEY
How many car crashes can you watch
before you've seen them all? What
do you think happened to the "A-
Team?"
(then:)
Besides, the Masked Magician was
Kent Beaudine's real star, and
he's dead.
JESSE
How fortunate for us.
BURLEY
That's TV baby. You never know
which way lady luck is going to
spit, you just hope it's not in
your breakfast.
That's when Burley's phone rings. He grabs it.
BURLEY
Burley.
His face falls as he listens.
BURLEY
You sure it was him?
(then:)
Thanks for the call.
He hangs up the phone.
JESSE
What is it?
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 54.
45 CONTINUED: (4) 45
BURLEY
Lady Luck coughed up a heffer-
sized spit-wad and heaved it on my
life.
Burley gets back on the Harley and stares off down some
distant road.
BURLEY
Derek Shaw is dead.
And on Jesse's look, we CUT TO:
46 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - PATH LAB - DAY 46
Mark comes in to find Steve and Amanda standing over the
MORGUE DRAWER which holds Derek Shaw's corpse.
MARK
I came up as soon as I heard. What
happened?
STEVE
His sports car was found at the
bottom of a canyon off Mulholland
this morning. Looks like he took
a curve too fast.
MARK
(dubious:)
That's what it looks like. I
wouldn't be so sure that's what
actually happened.
Mark picks up her autopsy report.
AMANDA
There are no signs of foul play,
at least not yet. From what I can
tell from a preliminary external
exam, he died from injuries
sustained in the crash.
MARK
It says here you found 9 ounces of
Scotch in his stomach.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 55.
46 CONTINUED: 46
STEVE
Shaw was partying around town
pretty hard last night,
celebrating the premiere of the
show. He's also got a history of
reckless driving and alcohol abuse.
MARK
(to Amanda:)
Have you got his tox screen back
yet?
AMANDA
Just came in -- I haven't had a
chance to look at it yet.
She goes to her desk, takes a piece of paper out of the in-
basket and hands it to Mark.
MARK
It says here his blood alcohol
level is .05%.
Amanda and Mark share a look.
STEVE
What?
AMANDA
(to Steve:)
There's nine ounces of Scotch in
his stomach, that's the equivalent
of six 1.5 ounce shots. He should
have a blood alcohol level well
above .05%.
MARK
But it's not. Which means he was
dead before the alcohol had a
chance to enter his blood stream.
(then:)
Someone poured the Scotch down his
throat. Dr. Danger was murdered.
Mark drops the report on the body and walks out. Amanda
closes the morgue drawer, and then follows Steve out after
Mark.
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 56.
47 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - CORRIDOR - DAY 47
As Mark, Amanda and Steve head out of the path lab towards the
nurse's station.
MARK
In a sense, that's me lying on
that autopsy table. I've got a
personal interest in seeing this
case through.
STEVE
Dr. Sloan solves his own murder.
Sounds like a TV show.
AMANDA
Better be careful or Jackson
Burley will use it.
MARK
I can't help thinking Shaw's
killing is connected in some way
to the Masked Magician's murder.
I just wish I knew how.
They join Jesse at the nurse's station, where he's working on
some files, looking depressed.
MARK
I suppose you heard about Derek
Shaw.
Jesse nods sadly.
JESSE
I suppose you heard about "Dr.
Danger."
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 57.
47 CONTINUED: 47
AMANDA
Aren't they one in the same?
JESSE
They are now. MBC is putting Dr.
Danger on hiatus, which is TV-
speak for dead. Which means my
script won't be shot.
MARK
I'm sorry, Jesse. As much as I
disliked the show, I know how
excited you were about writing for
it.
JESSE
But I lost some of your respect
doing it, didn't I?
MARK
I found the show such a personal
insult that I couldn't step back
and see the opportunity it
represented for you. Now I can.
JESSE
Now that it's over.
Jesse looks past them to the PATH LAB.
STEVE
Maybe you can write for another
show. "Baywatch" can't be too hard.
JESSE
Or maybe I can write for the show
that's shooting in the path lab.
They follow his gaze to see:
48 HIS POV 48
Through the window of the path lab, he can see A CAMERA CREW
is standing in front of the morgue drawer. It's the same *
"Maimings, Massacres & Practical Jokes" crew that came in when
The Masked Magician was here.
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 58.
49 BACK TO SCENE 49
As our heroes rush into
50 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - PATH LAB - DAY 50
To find Kent Beaudine and his crew trying to get a shot of
Shaw's corpse...but he can't get the MORGUE DRAWER open.
KENT
Could you give me a hand with this
thing? It's stuck.
Amanda gets between them and the bag.
AMANDA
I will not. This is a restricted
area.
KENT
All I want is a peek.
MARK
So you can broadcast Derek Shaw's
corpse on national television. Did
you ever think how his family
might feel?
KENT
I'll make sure they get a cassette
if they miss it.
Steve ushers the camera men out.
STEVE
Out. Before I put you in one of
those bags myself.
They get the subtle hint and leave. Steve then turns his
attention to Kent, grabbing him by the arm. He starts to drag
Kent away...
KENT
Wait, please. You got to help me.
MARK
I won't be an accomplice to the
crimes you commit against common
human decency.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 59.
50 CONTINUED: 50
Jesse turns to Amanda.
JESSE
Shame "Dr. Danger" is over. I
could have used that.
KENT
I'm the victim here.
STEVE
If I catch you sneaking into the
morgue again, you will be. Now get
out.
Steve pushes him into the hall and is about to slam to door on
him when Kent intrudes again.
KENT
My specials aren't drawing half as
many people as the Masked Magician
shows did. Without it as a lead-
in, my other shows are dead.
STEVE
What a loss.
Anyone who knows Mark, and is paying any attention to him,
would start to notice now that what Steve said has started his
mind working...
AMANDA
Why not just hire another Masked
Magician?
JESSE
Maybe you'll get lucky, and
someone will try to kill him, too.
MARK
Maybe you will!
Now everyone looks at Mark.
AMANDA
You think that's a good idea?
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 60.
50 CONTINUED: (2) 50
STEVE
Whoever killed the Masked Magician
is still out there. It would be
suicide for another magician to
take his place.
KENT
But it would be a great special.
Mark nods.
MARK
Yes, it would. Which is why you
have to do it.
And on Mark and Kent's smiles, and everyone else's confusion,
we
FADE OUT:
END OF ACT THREE
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 61.
ACT FOUR
FADE IN:
51 EXT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT 51
Once again, the Amazing Arturo is demonstrating outside with
other magicians for the benefit of the press cameras.
ARTURO
We will unmask this traitor to the
magic arts and make his life a
living hell. Whoever he is, his
career is over. He will never
perform on stage again.
We FIND Jesse and Amanda in the crowd.
JESSE
And if these specials continue,
neither will they.
AMANDA
Sounds like something to kill for.
JESSE
It's up to us to make sure he
doesn't.
Arturo continues his press conference.
ARTURO
He will be forgotten, like a whisp
of smoke.
Arturo whips his cape in front of his face and there's a POOF
OF SMOKE...he lowers his cape...and he's GONE, a BEAUTIFUL
WOMAN in his place.
AMANDA
Oh no, he's done it again.
JESSE
We have to find him.
And as Jesse and Amanda plunge into the crowd to find him, we
CUT TO:
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 62.
52 INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT 52
The show is well under way, LIVE. The Masked Magician is at a
table, holding a HAT. He shows the hat is empty, turns it
over, taps it with his finger, turns if over again... and
pulls out a RABBIT. Steve and Kent look on. KENT McCORD *
narrates. *
KENT McCORD (V.O.) *
It's one of the oldest tricks in
magic -- and one of the easiest.
But the secret has never been
revealed -- until now.
As Kent McCord explains how the trick is done, the Masked *
Magician demonstrates.
KENT McCORD (V.O.) *
The hat is, indeed empty, but when
he tips it over, he slips in a
specially-designed black bag
hidden on a hook under the table.
Inside the bag is the docile
Rabbit.
The Masked Magician then moves to the center of the warehouse,
which is dominated by a TALL WOODEN CRATE, which is open to
the audience.
KENT McCORD (V.O.) *
Now the Masked Magician will
perform one of the deadliest
tricks ever devised...and, if he
manages to live, will show you how
it's done.
Three BEAUTIFUL WOMEN dance out, wearing OVER-SIZED OVERALLS,
CAPS, and SUNGLASSES. It's virtually impossible to tell them
apart.
KENT McCORD (V.O.) *
Once again, the dancing girls.
Notice how they are all dressed
alike. This is important.
The Masked Magician is WRAPPED IN A STRAIT-JACKET by the
assistants, and then led into the box. He gets inside. The
assistants close the lid, then DRILL IT SHUT with POWER
DRILLS. Then they close a CHAIN AROUND IT, which they attach
to a CRANE HOOK from above. Then they put on PROTECTIVE HOODS
and GLOVES and affix STICKS OF DYNAMITE to the box.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 63.
52 CONTINUED: 52
KENT McCORD (V.O.) *
The Masked Magician is tied into
a strait jacket and put in the
box, which is then sealed tight
with screws and chains. Now it
gets deadly. I can assure you
these are real sticks of
dynamite...the suits they are
wearing are standard bomb-squad
issue, for their own protection.
Kent Beaudine whispers to the CAMERA MAN. *
KENT
No matter what happens, keep
rolling.
The assistants LIGHT THE FUSES and DASH OFF. The CRANE starts
to lift the box when A BLOOD-CURDLING SCREAM comes from the
BOX! One of the assistants RUSHES OUT with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER
and DOUSES THE FUSE at the last possible second. Steve rushes
over to the CRANE OPERATOR.
STEVE
Lower the box! Now!
The ASSISTANT drops the fire extinguisher and unlocks the
chains. Steve takes a CROWBAR and forces open the crate...and
an ASSISTANT emerges from it, still wearing her PROTECTIVE
SUIT. She yanks off her hood... it's MELANIE COOPER, the
PUBLICIST! She's terrified...and furious. Steve is stunned.
STEVE
How did you get in there?
Melanie glares at the other assistant, the one who came out
with the fire extinguisher.
MELANIE
Ask him.
The assistant pulls off his protective hood...it's THE MASKED
MAGICIAN!
MELANIE
He almost got me killed.
MASKED MAGICIAN
You can blame yourself.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 64.
52 CONTINUED: (2) 52
The Masked Magician pulls off his mask...it's MARK SLOAN!
MARK
If you hadn't tried to murder me,
the way you did the real Masked
Magician, you wouldn't be in that
box right now.
As Steve helps Melanie out of the box, Jesse and Amanda join
Kent behind the camera. Kent is transfixed.
KENT
Now this is television.
AMANDA
And no one had to get maimed.
KENT
There's still hope. The show's not
over yet.
Melanie confronts Mark.
MELANIE
How did you know it was me?
MARK
I didn't. But I knew whoever the
murderer was would strike during
the only trick that truly
endangered the magician's life.
(then:)
And the only way to sabotage this
trick was if the assistant who was
supposed to secretly free the
magician from the box...didn't.
MELANIE
You didn't have to drag me into
the box instead.
MARK
I didn't want to cheat the
audience... after all, they tuned
in to see a trick.
CONTINUED
"Trash TV" 1/22/99 (GREEN) 65.
52 CONTINUED: (3) 52
MELANIE
At least you care about the
audience, that's more than I can
say about Kent Beaudine.
MARK
Is that why you killed -- for the
audience?
MELANIE
For television. It's part of me,
part of my family. My father
didn't help create this medium so
it could become a freak show...so
that it could literally take the
magic out of magic.
(then:)
I had to stop them before they
destroyed television.
MARK
And you killed Derek Shaw because
"Dr. Danger" was twisting reality
and giving a distorted view of