DIAGNOSIS MURDER
"A Mime is a Terrible Thing to Waste"
Written by Lee Goldberg
&
William Rabkin
TEASER
FADE IN:
1 EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY 1
a SPORTS CAR comes screeching into the lot, pursued by a
POLICE SEDAN.
2 ANOTHER CAR 2
pulls out in front of the SPORTS CAR, cutting it off.
3 THE SPORTS CAR 3
skids to a stop and the driver, ENRICO ESTEBAN, immediately
bolts, scrambles over the hood of the car in front of him, and
runs away, zig-zagging low and fast between the parked cars.
4 THE POLICE SEDAN 4
Screeches to a stop behind the sports car. Steve jumps out,
gun in hand, and chases after him.
5 THE PARKING LOT - WIDE ANGLE 5
As Enrico weaves among the parked cars, but Steve is gaining
on him. Enrico emerges from between two parked cars. An
instant later, Steve charges into the lane right behind him
and takes a firing stance.
STEVE
Stop or I'll--
--we'll never know what, because that's when a CAR BACKS OUT
OF A SPACE, slamming into Steve, sending him sprawling.
6 ENRICO 6
continues running, down an alley and out of sight.
7 BACK TO SCENE 7
Steve is lying flat on his back, trying to focus his eyes on
a WOMAN, 20s, in a VALET uniform. We will come to know her as
RANDY WOLFE. She smiles down at him.
RANDY
You shouldn't stand behind a car
when it's backing out. You could
get hurt.
And on that good advice we, along with Steve's consciousness,
FADE OUT.
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
8 INT. MIDDLE EASTERN RESTAURANT - NIGHT 8
MARK SLOAN and Steve sit at the table, examining their menus.
Mark peers over his menu at Steve, who looks grumpy.
MARK
Are you sure you're feeling up to
this?
STEVE
I'm always ready for a free dinner.
MARK
You may have suffered a mild
concussion, Steve. It's normal for
you to feel a bit woozy.
STEVE
I'm okay, Dad. It was just a
little bump on the head -- it
doesn't hurt half as much as
losing Esteban.
MARK
Since when is a car thief so
important?
STEVE
We think Esteban works for a
supplier who funnels stolen car
parts to a national syndicate.
(then, heated)
And we would have gotten him --if
it wasn't for that woman.
Uh-oh, here Steve goes again. We can see from the look on
Mark's face he has been through this 15 times already.
MARK
Steve...
STEVE
I should have arrested her for
assault with a deadly weapon--
MARK
Forget about it.
STEVE
--aiding and abetting a fugitive
from justice, reckless
endangerment --
MARK
Let it go.
STEVE
And I would have, too...
(then)
If I wasn't unconscious at the
time.
MARK
Steve, it's over. There's nothing
you can do about it now. So just
relax, enjoy a good meal, and move
on.
STEVE
You're right, Dad. I'm sorry. I'm
here to unwind. Work stays at
work. This is my time off.
MARK
That's the spirit.
Steve picks up the menu and glances at it.
STEVE
So, what do you recommend?
MARK
The camel milk soup is a good
starter.
That's when a WAITRESS behind Steve, her face obscured from us
by the TRAY of BOWLS OF SOUP she's carrying, collides with THE
MAITRE'D... and her entire tray lands in STEVE'S LAP. Steve,
now drenched in HOT SOUP, yelps in PAIN. The waitress,
thinking fast, grabs a PITCHER OF ICE WATER and pours it in
Steve's lap. Steve yelps again and stands up.
STEVE
(to Mark)
I'm not crazy about the soup. Any
other recommendations?
The WAITRESS takes a napkin and tries to dab him dry but it's
impossible.
WAITRESS
I'm so sorry.
Steve pushes her away.
STEVE
Never mind. You've done enough.
That's when he turns to see it's RANDY.
STEVE
You?
Randy's about to reply when the MAITRE'D starts to yell at her
in FARSI. She yells back in FARSI.
STEVE
(to Mark)
It's her.
MARK
Who?
The Maitre'd storms off. Randy turns and offers her hand to
Mark. She smiles.
RANDY
Randy Wolfe.
MARK
Dr. Mark Sloan. And this is my
son--
STEVE
(interrupts)
We've met.
RANDY
I feel terrible about this. Let me
make it up to you. Dinner is on me.
STEVE
I wish it was.
(to Mark)
This is the woman I've been
telling you about.
RANDY
Really? You talked about me?
That's so sweet.
(low, to Mark)
I hope he didn't build me up too
much.
MARK
Don't worry.
RANDY
(to Steve)
Imagine running into each other
again. Isn't it amazing?
STEVE
And just as the swelling was going
down, too.
RANDY
You must live around here.
Steve tries to stop his Dad from answering, but he's not fast
enough.
MARK
Right across the street.
RANDY
Well, if you ever go on vacation,
give my service a call.
She hands Mark a card.
RANDY
I'll walk your dog.
(then)
I'm also a pretty good handyman.
So if you have any creaky doors,
leaky faucets--
STEVE
Is there any job you don't do?
RANDY
Well, I'm not a waitress any more.
Yarnok just fired me.
MARK
Oh, no. This is our fault, isn't
it? Let me have a talk with him...
RANDY
That's nice of you, but don't
bother. I was getting bored of the
job anyway.
She yanks off her apron.
MARK
Been doing it for a while?
RANDY
Two days.
She tosses the apron on the table and flashes them her radiant
smile.
RANDY
See you around.
And with that, she leaves. Mark and Steve looking after her.
STEVE
That's a chilling thought.
And we,
DISSOLVE TO:
9 EXT. 1891 BEACH WAY HOUSE - ESTABLISHING - DAYBREAK 9
Modern, upscale, Venice beach house or townhouse. Either way,
the owner must have some bucks.
10 INT. 1891 BEACH WAY HOUSE - DAYBREAK 10
The place is homey and warm, but still pricey. Someone FUMBLES
with their keys outside the door. A slow-moving BASSET HOUND
ambles to the front door and waits. And then the front door
opens and Randy comes in, dancing to a beat all her own.
RANDY
Hello, Thor. Did you miss me?
She dances around him, then leans down to pet him.
RANDY
Been clubbing all night. Got to
dance. Only way to let go. Which
reminds me...
She opens the door for the dog.
RANDY
Just don't do it on my car again.
The dog doesn't move.
RANDY
You sure?
The dog doesn't move. Randy shrugs and closes the door.
RANDY
Okay. Wish I had your bladder.
She opens the frig, pulls out a jar of peanut butter, and
drags her finger through it, then licks off the gob on her
fingertip.
RANDY
All I want to do now is curl up in
bed, read a little Grisham, and go
to sleep...which should take about
two minutes. Happens every time.
As she talks, she drags her finger through the peanut butter
again.
Then she finds a BOTTLE OF PILLS on the counter, shakes out a
pill and smooshes it into the gob of peanut butter, which she
then feeds to the dog.
RANDY
I read "War and Peace" in a week,
but it's taken me four years to
get through "The Pelican Brief."
The dog licks her finger clean and then follows her to:
11 INT. BEDROOM - MORNING 11
Randy enters, kicking off her shoes and pulling her shirt off
over her head as she goes past the DISHEVELED BED...which is
why she doesn't see THE MAN lying on the bed. We don't get a
good look at him either.
She goes into the adjoining bathroom and stands in front of
the mirror to brush her teeth... and that's when she sees
something. She whirls around.
12 HER POV - THE BED 12
A MIME, in full-make-up and dress, lies on his back amidst the
tangled sheets. There's a CARNATION in his lapel...and a KNIFE
sticking out of his bloody chest.
13 BACK TO SCENE 13
Randy SCREAMS and runs out of the room, grabbing her shirt and
shoes as she goes.
CUT TO:
14 INT. BEACH HOUSE - MORNING 14
There's a frantic POUNDING at the door. Mark, in pajamas and
bathrobe, stumbles groggily to answer it.
MARK
Who is it?
RANDY'S VOICE
It's Randy.
MARK
The dog walker?
Confused and still mostly asleep, Mark opens the door.
MARK
It's very thoughtful of you to
stop by at...
(checks watch)
...five am, but I haven't had a
dog in thirty years.
RANDY
He's dead!
Mark, still struggling to wake up, fights off a yawn.
MARK
I suppose so. We had to give him
away years ago -- he was always
trying to bite Steve.
RANDY
(interrupting)
I'm not here about a dog. I'm here
about a mime.
MARK
You walk them, too?
STEVE
Who is it?
(sees Randy)
I'm having a nightmare.
RANDY
You have to come with me right
away.
MARK
I think this has something to do
with our dog.
STEVE
We don't have a dog.
RANDY
This is not about a dog. This is
about murder.
That wakes Mark up a little. Not much, though.
STEVE
Who's been murdered?
RANDY
That's what I'm trying to tell
you. I went back to the place I'm
house-sitting, because I had to
give the dog his pill --
MARK
I thought you said this wasn't
about a dog.
RANDY
It's not about a dog. But that
doesn't mean there isn't a dog in
it.
STEVE
I'm going to bed.
RANDY
That's exactly what I said. Until
I found him there.
MARK
The dog?
RANDY
The mime. You know:
She mimes "the glass cage" to demonstrate.
MARK
Oh.
RANDY
Only this mime was dead, so it was
more like:
She mimes a dead mime.
STEVE
Why would there be a mime in your
bed?
MARK
Apparently, she walks them.
RANDY
He's dead.
STEVE
Maybe he was just miming being
dead.
MARK
Why would anyone do that?
STEVE
Why would anyone do this?
He half-heartedly mimes the "glass cage."
RANDY
There was a knife sticking out of
his chest and a pool of blood
around his body.
Steve and Mark exchange a look. Maybe this is serious. At the
very least, it's a pain in the butt.
STEVE
All right, what's the address?
And on his weary look, we,
DISSOLVE TO:
15 INT. 1891 BEACH WAY HOUSE - DAY 15
The dog BARKS FURIOUSLY at the door as Steve enters. No sooner
is Steve in the door, then the dog lunges at Steve's leg,
clamping his jaws on Steve's ankle.
STEVE
Ow!
Steve tries to shake the dog off. Randy grabs the dog by the
collar and pulls him off.
RANDY
Down, Thor. Down!
(then, to the dog)
Where were you when I needed you?
MARK
(to Steve)
Are you all right?
STEVE
No.
(then)
Where's the bedroom?
Randy points them in the right direction.
RANDY
That way.
Steve limps off ahead of them. Randy picks up the dog.
MARK
Has he had his shots?
Randy nods. Mark exhales, relieved, and they both follow
Steve, who pauses in the bedroom doorway.
STEVE
Where did you say the mime was?
RANDY
In the bed. You can't miss it.
She steps around him to see:
16 INT. BEDROOM - DAY 16
The bed is PERFECTLY MADE with fresh sheets, pillows all
fluffed and inviting. Randy steps into the room, followed by
Mark and Steve.
RANDY
I'm telling you he was right
there... a knife in his chest.
Steve goes to the bed and carefully lifts the comforter. The
sheets are CLEAN and tucked in a nice, tight military corners.
STEVE
There's no blood. Everything is
neat and clean.
Randy stares at the bed. Mark roams around the room, glancing
at various objects, looking for nothing in particular. Steve
glares at her.
STEVE
Are you sure you saw a mime here?
RANDY
What else could it have been?
MARK
Where were you when you saw the
body?
She leads Mark into the bathroom and stands in front of the
mirror.
RANDY
I was about to brush my teeth and
saw his feet.
Steve joins them.
STEVE
Your eyes could have been playing
tricks on you.
Mark picks through the stuff on the counter, notices the
HYPOALLERGENIC SKIN CREME, SHAMPOO, etc.
RANDY
When was the last time you saw a
dead mime in your bed?
STEVE
Good point. I think I better go
check my bed right now.
Steve leaves. Randy chases after him.
17 EXT. 1891 BEACH WAY HOUSE - DAY 17
Steve goes to the car. Randy stands outside the door, still
holding the dog.
RANDY
Wait, what about the murder?
STEVE
I admit I'm tempted, but there are
too many witnesses.
Steve gets into the car and slams the door. Mark emerges from
the house.
RANDY
Why won't he believe me?
MARK
Without a body, I'm afraid it's
not easy.
RANDY
You believe me, don't you?
MARK
I once came home from a long
shift, absolutely exhausted, and
saw a rattlesnake by my bed. It
wasn't until I beat it to death
with my shoe that I realized it
was my bathrobe sash.
(smiles)
Something like that happens to
everyone. It's nothing to be
ashamed of. Are you going to be
okay?
She nods. Mark gets in the car and they leave. She turns to go
back in the house, and that's when she notices the ADDRESS
NUMBER on the house. It reads 1861. The 9 is loose. She
straightens the 6 back into a 9... and then it falls back into
a 6 again.
She stares at it a moment, a REALIZATION coming to her. She
tosses the dog back into the house, closes the door, and
dashes away.
CUT TO:
18 EXT. 1861 BEACH WAY - DAY 18
Randy marches past the Ferrari parked out front and examines
the address -- 1861 -- then pounds on the door. After a
moment, it's opened by slick SONNY BURNETT, 30s, in his silk
bathrobe.
BURNETT
I don't vote, I never give to
charity, and I have more magazines
than I can read.
He starts to close the door. She pushes it open.
RANDY
What about companionship? Do you
have someone sharing your bed?
He gives her a long, slow look. He likes what he sees. She
barely notices, as she's trying to peer past him into the
house.
BURNETT
Boy, you girls are getting pushy.
(looks her over)
Still, I've always been a sucker
for home delivery.
He opens the door and lets her in to:
19 INT. 1861 BEACH WAY - DAY 19
It's a slickly-furnished bachelor's pad. A rich bachelor's pad.
BURNETT
I'm trying to figure out where we
met before. You'd think I'd
remember.
She's barely listening to him, searching the room for any
clues.
RANDY
You would. We haven't.
BURNETT
So this is just a random thing?
RANDY
I think it's a case of mistaken
identity.
BURNETT
Don't say that, baby. You're going
to break my heart.
RANDY
Where's the bedroom?
Wow. This is moving a little fast even for Sonny. He comes up
behind her and strokes her shoulder.
BURNETT
Don't you even want to know my
name first?
She spots an open door and marches to it.
BURNETT
Hey, if you can't figure out what
to shriek in ecstasy, don't blame
me.
He follows her into:
20 INT. 1861 BEACH WAY BEDROOM - DAY 20
It's definitely the love den, complete with black satin sheets
on the round bed. The sheets are mussed, but there's no mime
here. Randy stares at it, disappointed, as Sonny comes up
behind her.
RANDY
There's no one here.
BURNETT
No one... except you and me.
He puts his arms around her. She shrugs him off and wheels to
face him.
RANDY
Where is he?
BURNETT
He?
RANDY
He was in my bed last night, and
I know he was in yours this
morning.
Burnett backs off, confused.
BURNETT
I don't know what kind of sick
relationship you've got, babe, but
I don't swing with anybody's
boyfriend.
RANDY
Don't play coy with me, Hef.
There's a mime out there who's
traded in his glass cage for a
pine box. I want to know why and
I want to know where he is.
BURNETT
And I want to know what nut hatch
you escaped from.
RANDY
1891. Does that mean anything to
you?
BURNETT
I understand it was a good year
for cognac. Is that what you've
been drinking?
RANDY
It's my address. It's also where
they delivered the mime. You see,
they thought it was your house --
my nine is loose.
BURNETT
Your nine isn't all that's loose.
I'm calling the cops.
He goes to the phone. She looks around and spots something on
the floor. She picks it up -- a CARNATION.
RANDY
Tell them to bring their cuffs.
Because this carnation connects
you directly to that dead mime.
BURNETT
No, that carnation connects me
directly to those other carnations.
He points across the room at the VASE FULL OF CARNATIONS. Oh.
RANDY
So you want me to believe you
don't know anything about the mime.
BURNETT
I don't care what you believe. I
just want you out of my house.
She gives him a long, hard look, then marches to the door. She
turns back to stare at him.
RANDY
You're in deep, pal. And it's
getting deeper all the time.
And with that, she leaves. Burnett waits until he hears the
front door slam, then rushes to it and slams the bolt shut.
21 EXT. BEACH - DAY 21
It's a crime scene. Amanda is with her tech folks as Steve
comes up.
AMANDA
Gotta love California. Blue skies,
blue water, and plenty of dead
people.
STEVE
I'm not a specialist like you, but
I assume there are dead people
pretty much wherever you go.
AMANDA
Sure, but some kinds are
definitely indigenous to
California.
STEVE
You mean freeway snipings,
carjackings, and liposuctions gone
bad?
AMANDA
You get those everywhere these
days. But the one that washed up
last night, it's a little weird.
STEVE
How weird?
She unzips a body bag. Steve looks in and sees a DEAD MIME.
AMANDA
Bet this never happens in
Milwaukee.
And on Steve's misery, we,
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
22 TIGHT ON THE DEAD MIME 22
Still in make-up, even in death. He's lying on a morgue slab.
We PULL BACK to discover we're:
23 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - PATH LAB - DAY 23
Steve, Amanda and Randy stand around the table.
STEVE
(to Randy)
Is this the dead mime you saw in
your bed?
Amanda gives Steve a look.
STEVE
It's a long story.
RANDY
It's hard to say. They all look
the same.
AMANDA
Okay, let's try a different
approach. Describe the mime you
saw.
RANDY
Dead. With a big knife in his
chest.
AMANDA
Then this is probably your mime.
The victim died from a stab wound,
right in the heart.
RANDY
You found him in the water?
AMANDA
Yes, but I think...
RANDY
(interrupts)
Which means you can't back-track
time of death through radiant body
temperature.
Randy lifts the sheet, to Steve and Amanda's surprise, and
examines the body. She lifts the dead man's arm and lets it
drop.
RANDY
And the lividity indicates
exsanquination from the entrance
wound, therefore he was probably
dependant at the scene.
She notices them staring at her. She shrugs.
RANDY
University of Galapagos medical
school, class of '91. Go iguanas!
STEVE
(to Amanda)
Want to translate for me?
AMANDA
He was killed somewhere else and
dumped in the water. But based on
liver temperature, I can safely
estimate his time of death was
within the last 12 hours.
RANDY
I concur.
Amanda and Randy share the moment, two colleagues in perfect
synch. Steve hates it.
STEVE
Thanks, Amanda.
Amanda walks away. Steve turns to Randy and takes a deep
breath.
STEVE
Can you think of any reason
someone would leave a dead mime in
your bed?
RANDY
It was an accident.
STEVE
Are you saying you did this?
RANDY
No!
(then)
Why would you think that?
STEVE
Because you always have accidents.
RANDY
I do not.
STEVE
Then why do I have a bruised head,
scalded legs, and a dog bite on my
ankle?
RANDY
Just because you're clumsy doesn't
mean everyone else is. Stop
projecting.
(then)
I think the mime was killed in the
house by mistake - it was meant
for someone else to find.
STEVE
Who?
RANDY
Come with me.
She marches out. Steve turns to Amanda.
STEVE
Do me a favor, call my Dad. Tell
him I'm picking him up.
AMANDA
Why?
STEVE
With her around, I never know when
I'll need emergency medical
attention.
(then)
Or when she will.
Steve limps out. And on Amanda's amusement, we,
CUT TO:
24 EXT. VENICE STRAND - DAY 24
Steve and Randy walk past Sonny Burnett's Ferrari to the front
door of 1861. Steve's about to knock when Randy grabs his arm.
RANDY
What are you doing?
STEVE
I'm knocking. It's an old custom,
probably nothing you've ever heard
of.
RANDY
You're giving him time to destroy
the evidence.
STEVE
Evidence of what?
Randy eyes the door and notices it's ajar. Before Steve can
react --
25 INT. 1861 BEACH WAY - DAY 25
Where Randy stands in the entrance.
RANDY
Okay, dirtbag, we got the place
surrounded. Grab the sky and kiss
the floor.
There's a FLUSHING sound from inside the house and Burnett
rushes out, buckling his belt as Steve comes in behind her.
BURNETT
What the hell is --
(sees Randy)
You.
RANDY
That's right, pal. I'm your worst
nightmare.
Steve pulls her back and goes up to Burnett.
STEVE
(to Burnett)
Which gives you and me something
in common.
(flashes his badge)
Steve Sloan.
BURNETT
I want to tell you right now,
officer, whatever it takes to keep
her behind bars, I'll do it. Press
charges, testify, hell, I'll bribe
a judge.
STEVE
(to Randy)
You really know how to make an
impression on a person.
She shoots him a look. Steve sighs.
STEVE
It's Detective Steve Sloan. And
unfortunately, the young lady
isn't under arrest.
BURNETT
She just broke into my house.
RANDY
Not in time to keep you from
flushing the evidence.
BURNETT
If drinking too much coffee is a
crime, then I admit I flushed the
evidence and you can take me away.
If it's not, I want this woman
arrested right now.
STEVE
Mr. Burnett, let's try to stay
calm.
BURNETT
I am calm. And I'll stay calm when
I call your Internal Affairs
division and explain that
Detective Steve Sloan stood by and
watched as a psychopath broke into
my house and harassed me.
Steve pulls Burnett aside.
STEVE
I know that Randy seems, well, a
little overeager. But she's been
through a terrible trauma recently.
BURNETT
And who are you, her shrink?
STEVE
Professional ethics will only let
me say that she's under a doctor's
care.
BURNETT
(realizing)
So she is a nutcase.
STEVE
I'm trying to bring her back to
reality.
BURNETT
So this whole mess...?
STEVE
Think of it as therapy.
Burnett nods, winks at Steve, and they rejoin Randy, who is
snooping around.
BURNETT
What do you need to know,
Detective?
Steve pulls a picture of the dead mime from his pocket and
hands it to Burnett.
STEVE
Have you ever seen this man?
BURNETT
You're kidding, right? You've
seen one mime, you've seen them
all.
RANDY
What, you find so many dead mimes
in your bed you can't tell them
apart?
BURNETT
(over-enunciating)
I'm sorry if you've confused me
with someone else. But there's
never been a mime in this house,
as far as I know, let alone in my
bed.
(to Steve)
Is there anything else, Detective?
STEVE
I think that does it. Thank you
for your cooperation.
He turns to go, taking Randy by the arm. She turns to yell at
Burnett as Steve drags her out.
RANDY
That mime was a warning. They're
coming for you next!
Steve pushes her out the front door, then gives Burnett a warm
smile.
BURNETT
Did I help?
STEVE
More than a year of electroshock.
Thank you so much.
And he goes, leaving Burnett feeling good about himself.
26 EXT. 1861 BEACH WAY - HOUSE - DAY 26
As Steve comes out, followed by an irate Randy. They join
Mark as he's emerging from his car.
MARK
How did it go?
RANDY
(to Steve)
That was it? That was the entire
interrogation?
STEVE
I left my rubber hose at home.
RANDY
That's okay. I've got one in my
car.
She goes to get it, but Steve drags her back.
RANDY
You obviously don't understand the
danger that man is in.
MARK
What kind of danger?
RANDY
Isn't it obvious?
STEVE
Not on this planet.
RANDY
What does the mob do when there's
a potential witness they don't
want to testify?
STEVE
They kill him.
RANDY
They leave a dead pigeon.
STEVE
They do?
RANDY
What kind of cop are you?
(then)
Obviously, whatever Burnett is
into is big big big. So big, a
pigeon wasn't warning enough.
STEVE
I have a headache.
MARK
(to Randy)
So you think someone is afraid
Burnett will talk -- so they
killed a mime and left it in his
bed as a warning.
RANDY
But they thought my bed was his
bed because my nine slipped into
a six.
STEVE
It's like an ax in my skull.
Mark is beginning to follow her reasoning.
MARK
So they moved the mime to his
house.
RANDY
And then he dumped the mime in the
river.
(then)
What other explanation is there?
STEVE
Now there's an argument that will
impress a judge. We have no
evidence to back up this ludicrous
charge... but what else could it
be?
RANDY
A mime is dead. If we don't do
something about it, his blood is
on our hands.
STEVE
Don't you mean his greasepaint?
She turns and walks off. Mark and Steve watch her go.
STEVE
Unbelievable.
MARK
Remarkable.
STEVE
You don't actually think she's
right, do you?
MARK
How's your headache?
STEVE
Much better now.
There's a moment of silence between them, then:
MARK
She makes some sense.
Steve winces.
STEVE
Got any aspirin on you?
Mark reaches into his pocket and hands Steve a small packet.
Steve tears open the packet and dry swallows the pills as:
MARK
I admit it's far-fetched, but we
didn't believe there was a mime in
her bed last night. Now we do. Her
theory is at least worth
considering.
STEVE
Fine, you consider it. I'm running
the mime's prints and doing a
background check on Chelsea &
Benjamin Drew, the couple Randy is
house-sitting for. There's
something odd about those two.
MARK
What?
STEVE
They hired Randy, for starters.
And what kind of person names a
dog Thor?
MARK
You may be on to something. Do you
mind if I borrow that picture?
Steve hands Mark the photo of the mime.
STEVE
What for?
Mark motions to A MIME performing on the strand.
MARK
I want to see if I can get a mime
to talk.
STEVE
Good luck.
Steve leaves, and Mark marches to:
27 EXT. STRAND - DAY 27
TOD, 20s, a MIME, is pretending to wrestle with something on
the other end of a make-believe rope. A SMALL CROWD is
watching as Mark approaches.
MARK
Excuse me, I'd like to talk with
you for a moment.
The something on the other end of the rope tugs Tod away. Mark
hurries after him, holding out the picture.
MARK
I was wondering if you'd ever seen
this mime before.
Some of the crowd wanders away. Tod notices, wrestles some
more with the something and snaps:
TOD
Go away.
MARK
I'm working with the police to
solve his murder.
TOD
You're blocking the view.
Mark turns, sees some more of the crowd leaving.
MARK
Oh, I'm sorry. This will only take
a minute.
TOD
I'm trying to make a living here.
Saturday is my big day.
Tod pulls back on the make believe rope, walking backwards
away from him. Mark glances at the audience, thinks a moment,
then takes off his jacket, and with theatrical exaggeration,
rolls ups his sleeves, takes a deep breath, and grabs an
invisible rope of his own. He pulls hard, backing up to Tod.
Together, they wrestle the unseen something, much to the
delight of the crowd.
TOD
What are you doing?
MARK
Helping you hold on to the, ah,
the...
TOD
Elephant.
MARK
Right.
The elephant yanks hard, pulling Mark forward. The crowd
LAUGHS, drawing more people. Mark digs in his heels and pulls
the rope back again. And so it goes, Mark and Tod wrestling
with the elephant, and the crowd eating it up, as:
MARK
So, do you know him?
TOD
We all do. Mitch Hufflehoff.
Biggest ego on the strand. Called
himself the "Shields & Yarnell" of
the 90s.
MARK
Was he?
TOD
He wasn't even the ampersand.
MARK
So where did he get the ego?
TOD
The women. They threw themselves
at his feet.
(then)
He thought it was him. But
everyone knows women can't resist
a mime.
MARK
Really?
TOD
Sometimes I have to use mace. I'm
a married man.
MARK
When was the last time you saw him?
TOD
A couple days ago, in his car - he
was gonna keep moving so the repo
men couldn't get it.
MARK
Do you know where he lived?
TOD
That was where he lived.
MARK
Thanks. You've been very helpful.
Good luck with the elephant.
Mark lets go of the rope, nearly falling, and stumbles over to
his jacket... and is stunned to find it COVERED WITH LOOSE
CHANGE and DOLLAR BILLS. Mark picks up his jacket leaves
sheepishly, thanking people as he goes.
CUT TO:
28 EXT. 1891 BEACH WAY - DAY 28
There's a MOBILE EMERGENCY VETERINARIAN VAN parked out front
as Randy walks up to the house. Worried, she rushes up to the
front door, only to find it's open. She goes in to find
29 INT. 1891 BEACH WAY - DAY 29
CHELSEA DREW, 30s, rich, and lovely, scratches her itchy arms
as she walks alongside her dog, who is being carried out by
two EMERGENCY VETERINARIANS...one carries Thor, the other his
IV.
CHELSEA
It'll be okay, Thor. The nice men
will make you all better.
The paramedics go out the door just as Randy comes in.
RANDY
Mrs. Drew - what are you doing
here?
CHELSEA
Saving my dog's life.
Randy nods, full of understanding.
RANDY
The connection between master and
beast is very spiritual. You were
a thousand miles away in Aspen,
and yet you sensed Thor's
suffering and rushed back here.
CHELSEA
No, I was in the kitchen, and I
could hear poor Thor throwing up
all over the bedroom. And if I had
the slightest bit of sensitivity,
I never would have hired you in
the first place.
RANDY
Don't be so hard on yourself.
CHELSEA
I'm not.
RANDY
Of course you are. You're so full
of guilt and remorse about
abandoning Thor, your subconscious
is punishing you with hives.
Suddenly self-conscious, Chelsea stops scratching.
CHELSEA
(tightly)
Is it.
RANDY
Two chapters of my doctoral
dissertation in psychology were
about exactly this phenomenon.
CHELSEA
And what about the phenomenon of
the idiot who can't handle the
simple task of giving a dog his
medication?
RANDY
That really wouldn't fit into my
thesis.
Chelsea takes a deep breath to keep from hurling herself at
Randy's throat.
CHELSEA
You were supposed to come here two
times a day to water the plants
and take care of Thor.
RANDY
Which I did.
CHELSEA
But in-between those two times a
day you were supposed to leave.
RANDY
You never mentioned that part.
CHELSEA
I never mentioned giving my dog an
overdose of medication, either. I
figured some things you could work
out for yourself. It's lucky for
Thor I came back early to meet
with some suppliers.
RANDY
The only reason I stayed here was
to give your dog extra attention.
CHELSEA
And that required moving all your
possessions into my house?
RANDY
He's very needy.
CHELSEA
Right now, he's very sick. And for
that, I blame you.
RANDY
If you'd like, I could take a look
at him. I know a little veterinary
medicine.
CHELSEA
You have five minutes to gather up
your stuff and get out of here.
And on her rage, we,
CUT TO:
30 EXT. STREET - NIGHT 30
Randy sits in her CHEVETTE, which is crammed with all her
worldly belongings.
There's just enough room in the car for her and a pizza box on
the passenger seat. A CASSETTE CARTON, labeled "URDU MADE
EASY" is on the pizza box. She listens to the tape, but keeps
her eye on 1861 BEACH WAY - Burnett's house.
VOICE ON TAPE
Your camel has a very nice hump.
Randy repeats the phrase in URDU.
VOICE ON TAPE
Could you please direct me to the
nearest water hole?
Randy repeats the phrase in Urdu as HEADLIGHTS appear behind
her. She ducks down as Burnett's Ferrari passes and parks at
his place.
VOICE ON TAPE
If you don't cover your face when
you ride, you sure get a lot of
sand in your nose.
She turns off the tape deck as she rises and peers over the
dash at the house.
31 HER POV - NIGHT 31
Burnett gets out of his car. At that same moment, THREE
FIGURES peel out of the shadows and surround him. They
exchange heated words, but we can't hear them. Suddenly the
three men start beating Burnett up, kicking and punching him.
32 EXT. STREET - NIGHT 32
Randy jumps out of the car and rushes up to the attackers.
RANDY
Leave him alone!
One of them shoots her a look over his shoulder.
THUG #1
Disappear or you're next.
Randy takes a deep breath, her voice shaky.
RANDY
Fine with me.
Thug #1 shoots a disbelieving smile at the other thugs. They
turn away from Burnett, leaving him curled up and moaning on
the street, and advance on Randy, who holds her ground,
shifting her weight nervously, eyes darting between the men.
RANDY
If you want to run, this is your
chance.
They surround her. Randy takes another deep breath.
RANDY
Okay.
And with that she LEAPS INTO THE AIR and does a SPIN-KICK that
TAKES THE THREE MEN DOWN. She lands on her feet, ready to face
her first attacker. They get to their feet and run off.
She smoothes her hair, approaches Burnett and helps him to his
feet.
RANDY
You want to tell me about the mime
now?
That's when they're bathed in the glow of headlights. They
turn to see A CAR roaring past. Randy sees the DEALER PLATES
and a FALLON EXOTIC MOTORS sticker on the bumper.
BURNETT
Stay the hell away from me.
RANDY
What do Fallon's thugs want with
you?
BURNETT
Forget this ever happened or
you'll be very sorry.
He drags himself back to his house. And on Randy looking after
him, we:
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT TWO
ACT THREE
FADE IN:
33 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - DOCTOR'S LOUNGE 33
Mark, Amanda, and Jesse are having coffee when Randy marches
in, dragging TWO BULGING SUITCASES and talking a mile-a-minute.
RANDY
Either he's stupid or incredibly
stubborn, either way he's going to
get himself killed.
MARK
Who?
RANDY
You'd think the dead mime would
have gotten through to him. I
mean, I got the message and it
wasn't even meant for me. So they
were going to kill him, right
there in the street.
JESSE
Who?
RANDY
Why didn't they do that to begin
with? Why kill an innocent mime?
AMANDA
There's another dead mime?
RANDY
The only reason he's alive is
because I was there - and he still
doesn't get it.
MARK
Then the mime is alive?
RANDY
The mime is dead. Burnett is
alive. And I'm nowhere.
That's when Steve comes in.
STEVE
What's going on?
MARK
I have no idea.
(to Randy)
Why don't you start at the
beginning?
RANDY
Mrs. Drew came back early from
Aspen. She found Thor OD'd and me
still house-sitting. Poor lady
worked herself up so much, she
broke out in hives.
STEVE
Feeling kind of itchy myself.
AMANDA
I don't understand, weren't you
supposed to be house-sitting?
RANDY
I kind of threw that in for free.
(off Mark's look)
I was supposed to come by at 9 and
6 to give Thor his pills -- but
I've kind of had a roof-over-my-
head problem lately.
STEVE
Imagine that.
RANDY
All I did was give Thor some extra
T.L.C.
STEVE
And an extra pill or two.
RANDY
Not on my watch. I take my job
very seriously.
STEVE
Which one?
MARK
What does all this have to do with
Sonny Burnett?
RANDY
I had no where else to go, so I
decided to stake out his place and
brush up on my Urdu.
JESSE
Ur-who?
MARK
A language spoken in Pakistan and
the Muslim areas of India.
RANDY
It comes in handy if you use taxis.
STEVE
What happened at Burnett's?
RANDY
He was attacked by three thugs --
so I took them out.
JESSE
(incredulously)
You took them out.
RANDY
I'm basically a non-violent
person, but those goons from
Fallon Exotic Motors didn't give
me any choice.
AMANDA
How do you know they worked for
Fallon Exotic Motors?
RANDY
They tried to run me over with a
car that had dealer plates and a
Fallon Exotic Motors sticker.
STEVE
I don't know these guys, but I
think I understand them.
RANDY
Good, then you better go down and
make'em talk, because Burnett is
too terrified to open his mouth.
MARK
Isn't Duke Fallon that car
salesman on TV - the one who
shoots himself out of a cannon?
STEVE
He has car dealerships in seven
states.
(then, to Randy)
I don't see why he'd kill a mime
and put him in anyone's bed.
RANDY
Don't you understand? Burnett has
something on Fallon, and they want
him to keep quiet.
STEVE
I ran a check on Burnett. The man
is so clean, he's a natural
disinfectant.
MARK
What about the Drews - any
connection to Duke Fallon?
STEVE
None. She's an interior decorator
to the stars, her husband is an
architect. He's still at their
vacation home in Aspen, she goes
back tomorrow.
RANDY
Then we better go see Duke Fallon,
shake some trees and see what
falls out.
STEVE
I don't think so. Tomorrow's my
day off and I'm sleeping in.
Steve walks away, Randy grabs him.
RANDY
What about Fallon? What about his
thugs?
But Steve walks away, followed by Amanda and Jesse. Mark
pulls Randy aside.
MARK
We can discuss all this in the
morning. In the meantime, do you
have a place to stay?
RANDY
Oh yeah, don't worry about that.
MARK
Okay. Goodnight.
Mark leaves. Randy smiles guiltily and we see she's lifted
STEVE'S BADGE.
DISSOLVE TO:
34 INT. FALLON EXOTIC MOTORS - DAY 34
A SALESMAN, his back to the camera, faces a nervous YOUNG
COUPLE across his desk.
SALESMAN
The lady is right -- you don't see
a lot of Gremlins on the road
anymore. And you know why that is?
That's when a series of SHARP HONKS comes from across the
showroom. The salesman turns, annoyed, and we see both from
his face and the bruises on it he's THUG #1, aka CURT. Not
seeing any reason for the interruption, he turns back to the
couple.
CURT (CONT'D)
Because collectors have been
snapping them up to put on
display. They don't want to drive
such a precious --
That's when the series of honks turns into one unstopping
BLARE. Curt whirls around, sees no one is dealing with the
problem, and gets up.
CURT
(to the couple)
Excuse me.
He walks across the showroom towards the source of the noise
until he comes to a LATE MODEL SEDAN with a WOMAN BEHIND THE
WHEEL. Annoyed, he leans in the window.
CURT
Is there a problem?
WOMAN
Yeah, I don't think this power
window works.
She grabs his tie and yanks his head into the car, then rolls
up the window until it's cutting into his neck, trapping him.
It's Randy.
RANDY
Oops, my mistake.
He struggles to free himself, but the door is locked and
there's no way he can get out of the window. She slides to the
passenger side and gets out of the car to spot DUKE FALLON,
50s, rotund, ambling toward them across the showroom, a big
smile on his face.
FALLON
Customer service is our religion,
ma'am.
I'm sure whatever your problem is,
we can take care of it. I'm Duke
Fallon, and I'm ready to deal.
RANDY
I got an offer for you, Duke. But
he wouldn't accept it.
FALLON
I'll eat a bug to make a sale.
What are your terms?
RANDY
Eat this. Stop leaning on Sonny
Burnett and I won't shut you down.
Fallon's smile evaporates.
FALLON
Who are you?
She quickly whips out a badge and just as quickly pockets it
again.
RANDY
Stevie Sloan, LAPD. But you might
know me better as the woman who
gave your goons an asphalt scalp
massage.
Fallon glares at Curt who, if it's possible to be more
embarrassed, is.
FALLON
Funny, she doesn't look like a
dozen armed ninjas to me.
Fallon turns to her again.
FALLON
But I think Sonny got my message
any way.
RANDY
Think again. Next time, send a
greeting card instead. Your
"message" ended up in my bed first.
Fallon glances at Curt, confused.
FALLON
You slept with her?
Randy grabs Fallon by the lapels and pulls him close.
RANDY
Listen up, pinstripe. Burnett's
under my personal protection now.
Anything happens to him happens
twice as hard to you.
And with that, she spins on her heel and storms out. Fallon
and Curt exchange a look and we go:
35 EXT. FALLON EXOTIC MOTORS - DAY 35
As Randy charges out and marches away, oblivious to the WHITE
VAN parked across the street. Oblivious that
36 POV - THROUGH A VIEWFINDER 36
every step she takes is being photographed.
37 INT. VAN - DAY 37
Crammed full of surveillance equipment and surveillance
experts wearing FBI WINDBREAKERS. AGENT EFREM CONNORS, 30s,
shares a look with his colleagues.
CONNORS
It's all coming together now.
And on his grin, we,
CUT TO:
38 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - DAY 38
Amanda is at the nurse's station when Steve comes in.
STEVE
You haven't seen my badge around
here, have you?
AMANDA
You lost your badge?
This is obviously a sore point for Steve. He walks past her
towards the DOCTOR'S LOUNGE. Amanda follows.
STEVE
I didn't say that.
(then)
I've temporarily miss-placed it.
Amand nods, as if she understands.
AMANDA
My mistake.
(then)
What makes you think you lost it
here?
STEVE
Last time I used it was on the
hospital parking guy.
(off her look)
He's new, I didn't want to pay the
five bucks.
They reach the lounge - the door is closed and the blinds are
drawn. Steve opens the door to reveal:
39 INT. DOCTOR'S LOUNGE - DAY 39
Randy's stuff is everywhere - clothes, books, toiletries,
artwork, and just about everything else you could collect in
a lifetime. There's a swirl of sheets twined in the middle of
the couch where Randy slept. Steve and Amanda share a stunned
look.
AMANDA
Looks like she made herself
comfortable.
STEVE
Better here than at my house.
Steve ventures into the room and starts to look around.
STEVE
Help me look around, will you? My
badge has to be here some place.
They start to look around.
AMANDA
Don't you think you're being a
little hard on her? She's
eccentric, but she's not that bad.
Steve is about to jump down her throat when suddenly EFREM
CONNORS and THREE AGENTS in FBI WINDBREAKERS storm in,
flashing their IDS.
EFREM
Efrem Connors, FBI.
STEVE
What the hell...?
EFREM
You don't know what we're doing
here, you don't know what we want,
and you're surprised, out-raged,
and innocent.
(then)
Now that we've gotten past all the
boring preliminaries, you can
start talking.
STEVE
About what?
EFREM
About Sonny Burnett's stolen car
parts operation and the cop who
does his dirty work.
Amanda and Steve share a confused look.
EFREM
Now's the time to decide if you
want to be a federal witness or a
federal prisoner.
STEVE
I don't know what you're talking
about.
EFREM
First, you and your accomplice
conspired to let car thief Enrico
Esteban escape - because he's one
of Sonny's best suppliers.
STEVE
My accomplice?
EFREM
And when Duke Fallon pressured
Burnett to stop selling parts to
other car dealers, who showed up
to muscle Fallon? She did.
Efrem whips out a PHOTO.
40 THE PHOTO - STEVE'S POV 40
It's RANDY, flashing Steve's badge in Fallon's face.
EFREM
That's just the skin on the
chicken.
41 EFREM 41
Hands them more photos.
42 THE PHOTOS - STEVE'S POV 42
Surveillance photos, through the window, of Steve, and Randy
with Burnett; photos of Randy hitting Steve with the car and
Enrico getting away, etc.
EFREM
We've got you fast-frozen, shrink-
wrapped and ready-to-serve to the
Grand Jury.
43 BACK TO SCENE 43
Amanda and Steve share an uneasy look.
EFREM
Where are the denials now, beach
boy?
AMANDA
(to Steve)
I take back what I said.
STEVE
(to Efrem)
Look, you have this all wrong.
AMANDA
All Steve is trying to do is find
out who killed the mime.
STEVE
I questioned Burnett because she
thought he had the mime, but he
didn't.
Even Steve knows how crazy this must sound. Efrem just shakes
his head, disgusted.
EFREM
That's the best you can do?
RANDY (O.S.)
My client isn't saying another
word.
They turn to see Randy coming through the door. Efrem sneers
at her.
EFREM
Since when are you a lawyer?
RANDY
Since my gala graduation from the
Deerpark School of Law, September
1994.
She finds a FRAMED LICENSE from the STATE BAR among her junk
and hands it to Efrem, who hands it to an agent.
EFREM
Check this out. Now.
The agent whips out a cell phone. As the agent checks, Efrem
addresses the three of them.
EFREM
If you want to spend the next ten
years sleeping on a bunk bed with
a stainless steal crapper for a
nightstand, then keep up the act.
The agent motions to Efrem, hands him the diploma, and gives
him a defeated nod. Efrem tosses the diploma on the floor.
EFREM
Testify against Burnett and I can
shave the time in half.
(to Randy)
Think about it, counselor.
Efrem motions to his men and they leave. And on Amanda and
Steve, glaring at Randy, we,
DISSOLVE TO:
44 EXT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - ESTABLISHING - DAY 44
45 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - DOCTOR'S LOUNGE - DAY 45
Randy is sitting with Mark and Steve.
RANDY
This isn't my fault.
STEVE
You stole my badge!
RANDY
Only because you weren't going to
do anything about Duke Fallon.
STEVE
It's a criminal offense.
RANDY
Someone had to shake Fallon up or
we'd never have found out anything.
Jesse comes in for a cup of coffee, but he can't find the
coffee maker under all her stuff.
MARK
There had to be a better way,
Randy.
RANDY
The important thing is I've
seriously rattled Fallon.
STEVE
And me, too. Thanks to you, my
career is at stake.
RANDY
Don't worry, careers are easy to
come by.
STEVE
That's it, you're under arrest.
MARK
(interupting)
Steve, Randy has a point. Now we
know what's going on.
RANDY
Thank you.
MARK
And Steve is right, what you did
was inexcusable. You've managed to
drag my son into a nation-wide
conspiracy to distribute stripped
parts from stolen cars.
Jesse finds the coffee machine. Now he just has to find a cup.
RANDY
I just wanted to find out who
killed that poor mime.
MARK
No one is doubting your good
intentions--
STEVE
I am.
MARK
--just your results.
STEVE
So what do we do now?
MARK
The only way out of this is to
break this ring ourselves.
RANDY
How are we going to do that?
Mark holds out his car keys and looks at Jesse. So do Steve
and Randy. Jesse looks back at them.
JESSE
What?
And on their looks, we,
CUT TO:
46 EXT. 1861 BEACH WAY - HOUSE - DAY 46
Burnett is walking to his car as a BIG TRUCK lumbers up and
comes to a stop, blocking him from leaving. JESSE hops from
the cab.
JESSE
You Burnett?
BURNETT
Who's asking?
JESSE
Names are for toe-tags. I've got
your merch.
BURNETT
My what?
Jesse walks behind the truck and opens the rear doors,
revealing various CAR PARTS (seats, tires, mufflers, steering
wheels, etc.)
JESSE
Esteban told me you only want high-
end merch, just off the show-room
floor.
(then)
That's a Jeep Cherokee and a Saab,
some assembly required.
BURNETT
Esteban knows never to come to my
house.
JESSE
I couldn't wait - I need fast
cash. I'm three weeks behind in my
alimony and the judge is
threatening to repo my `vette.
Burnett reaches into his pocket and pulls out a fat wad of
cash. He peels off bills and stuffs them in Jesse's hand.
BURNETT
You really want to make some money?
47 EXT. STREET - DAY 47
From their hiding place, Steve is wearing a headset, aiming a
shot-gun mike at the action, Randy is filming.
JESSE (V.O.)
(over head-set)
Who doesn't?
BURNETT (V.O.)
(over head-set)
This truck yours?
48 BACK TO SCENE 48
Jesse smiles.
JESSE
Let's just say I borrowed it for
the long-term.
BURNETT
Follow me.
Burnett gets into his car. Jesse walks back to the truck and
whispers to himself, for Steve's benefit.
JESSE
Good thing I watched a lot of
"Miami Vice."
49 STEVE 49
Pulls off his headset and motions to Randy.
STEVE
Let's go.
They hurry off, and we,
CUT TO:
50 EXT. FALLON EXOTIC MOTORS - ESTABLISHING - DAY 50
51 INT. FALLON EXOTIC MOTORS - PARTS WAREHOUSE - DAY 51
Burnett stands in front of two trucks, backed by Jesse and
another ND DRIVER. The trio waits for Fallon, who strides in
carrying a BRIEFCASE, flanked by his man Curt.
FALLON
Sorry I'm late - I was just
cutting some new spots for my
Arizona dealerships.
(then)
I'm getting too fat to fit into
the damn cannon.
BURNETT
It's tough being a celebrity.
Fallon motions to his man, who goes and checks the cargo in
Burnett's trucks.
FALLON
We're getting so many trade-ins,
even I'm in the garage, setting
back odometers, switching out good
parts for bad ones... success has
it's price.
BURNETT
And I have mine.
FALLON
Pretty stiff one, too. I didn't
think you were worth it, until I
found out you've got cops on your
payroll. You're running a top-
drawer operation - and I respect
that.
BURNETT
You ready to deal?
FALLON
Always.
Fallon glances at Curt, who nods. Fallon offers Burnett the
briefcase. Burnett takes it.
FALLON
Guess you won't have to go to the
ATM for a while.
STEVE (O.S.)
He won't need cash where he's
going.
Steve emerges from hiding, his gun drawn. Randy is right
behind him, filming everything.
STEVE
And you won't either. You're under
arrest.
BURNETT
You're making a big mistake.
STEVE
The stolen car parts you bought
from him...
(motions to Jesse)
were marked. We have that
transaction, and this one, on tape.
FALLON
I think he was talking about the
man you didn't see.
That's when THUG #2 emerges from hiding, his gun trained on
Randy.
FALLON
By the time you shoot me, or
Burnett, she's already dead.
Steve reluctantly drops his gun. Burnett scoops it up...and
aims it at Fallon.
BURNETT
You should have brought your
cannon.
Before Thug #2 can do anything, Burnett's ND Driver is on him,
his GUN out. Fallon smiles.
FALLON
This your idea of a big move?
BURNETT
(sadly)
Not even close.
Burnett flashes A BADGE.
BURNETT
You're under arrest, Duke. Jack
Crocker, LAPD.
Burnett/Crocker turns, pissed off, to Steve.
CROCKER
Congratulations, Sloan. You just
ruined three years of undercover
police work.
And on Steve's surprise, we,
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
FADE IN:
52 EXT. POLICE STATION - ESTABLISHING - DAY 52
53 INT. POLICE STATION - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY 53
Jesse, Steve, and Randy around the table...the door open, so
we can see Efrem Connors and Jack Crocker arguing heatedly in
the squadroom.
JESSE
"Sonny Burnett" - I should have
known.
STEVE
I thought you said you watched a
lot of "Miami Vice."
RANDY
There you go, blaming someone else
for your mistakes again.
Steve is about to throttle her when Connors and Crocker bring
their argument into the interrogation room.
CROCKER
--it took me two years just to get
the thieves to trust me, another
year to make contact with the car
dealers.
RANDY
Who killed the mime?
EFREM
--we've been investigating Fallon
for months as part of a nationwide
probe of interstate trafficking of
stolen goods. Millions of dollars
and hundreds of manhours thrown
away because of your rogue
operation.
RANDY
Who killed the mime?
CROCKER
Fallon was just the first I was
gonna bring down - but thanks to
your incompetence, three years of
my life have been wasted.
Randy stands up and yells:
RANDY
Who killed the mime?
They both stare at her, as if noticing her for the first time,
and simultaneously reply:
CROCKER EFREM
What mime? What mime?
And on their looks, we,
SMASH CUT TO:
54 FALLON 54
Looking incredulously.
FALLON
What mime?
We PULL BACK to reveal we're:
55 INT. PRECINCT - ANOTHER INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY 55
Steve, Efrem and Crocker confront Fallon.
CROCKER
The one you killed and meant to
put in my bed.
STEVE
Only you got the addresses mixed
up and stuck it in Randy Wolfe's
instead.
Fallon starts to laugh. And laugh. And laugh. Steve glares at
the mirror. And on the other side:
56 INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY 56
Randy gives Jesse a look.
RANDY
Uh-oh.
CUT TO:
57 INT. COMMUNITY GENERAL - DOCTOR'S LOUNGE - NIGHT 57
Mark, Steve, and Randy are having coffee. The place is still
littered with her things.
RANDY
I can't believe it - we're right
back where we started.
STEVE
With one dead mime and no answers.
MARK
You did uncover a stolen car parts
ring and help bring a criminal to
justice.
STEVE
I'm not sure the LAPD and the FBI
see it that way.
RANDY
Oh.
(then)
I was kinda counting on them for
a recommendation.
STEVE
For what?
RANDY
A job. It's not like I can have
people call Mrs. Drew - I nearly
killed her dog and made her break
out in hives.
Something occurs to Mark. He gets up and goes to:
58 INT. CONMUNITY GENERAL - PATHOLOGY - NIGHT 58
As Mark, Steve, and Randy come in. Amanda is at her desk.
MARK
Mind if I have a look at the mime?
AMANDA
Of course not.
She goes to a morgue drawer and SLIDES OUT THE BODY. Mark
lifts the sheet and examines him.
MARK
Did you find any other injuries
besides the stab wound that killed
him?
AMANDA
No.
MARK
Do you still have his clothes?
Amanda goes to a nearby carton. Mark pulls out the clothes,
which are in sealed, clear, plastic bags.
MARK
I don't see any rips or tears on
his clothes - did you?
Amanda shakes her head no.
STEVE
What's the matter, Dad - did you
miss something?
MARK
Nope - nothing at all.
Mark puts the clothes back in the box and smiles.
STEVE
Then why are you smiling like that?
MARK
Tomorrow I want to take another
look at Mrs. Drew's house - I
think the answer to this murder
has been in front of us all along.
RANDY
What?
Mark yawns.
MARK
Well, I'm going home to bed.
Mark starts to go. Randy stops him.
RANDY
Without even giving us a hint?
MARK
Good-night.
Mark walks away. She starts to chase after him, but Steve
gently stops her by taking her arm.
STEVE
Don't take it personally, he does
this all the time. I think he
takes perverse pleasure in leaving
me completely lost.
RANDY
I can understand that.
She glances down at his hand. Self-conscious, Steve lets go of
her.
STEVE
You can?
RANDY
When you're totally flustered,
frustrated, and aggravated
something remarkable happens.
She kisses him on the cheek and gives him a smile.
RANDY
You become very cute.
She leaves. And on Steve looking after her, flustered,
frustrated and aggravated, and on Amanda's amusement, we:
DISSOLVE TO:
59 INT. 1891 BEACH WAY - HOUSE - DAY 59
Someone knocks at the door. Thor barks wildly at the door as
Chelsea Drew rushes up.
CHELSEA
Who is it?
MARK (O.S.)
Dr. Mark Sloan.
CHELSEA
Just a moment.
(to the dog)
Thor, that's enough.
The dog stops and she opens the door. Mark steps in cautiously.
MARK
Is it safe?
CHELSEA
It takes about six visits before
he accepts you as friendly.
MARK
In the mean time, I'd better watch
my ankles.
Mark shakes her free hand.
MARK
Thanks for seeing me on such short
notice.
CHELSEA
I'm glad to help any way I can.
Why do you need to take another
look around?
MARK
The first time we were here, we
didn't take Randy very seriously.
Mark starts towards the bedroom, Chelsea follows.
CHELSEA
All I asked her to do was give
Thor his pills. What does she do?
She moves in. Gives Thor an
overdose. And gets us involved in
a murder.
(then, re dog)
Next time, it's Club Doggie for
you.
She drops Thor in the kitchen and goes into:
60 INT. BEDROOM - DAY 60
Mark examines the bed, which is all made, tight, trim and
perfect. Chelsea absently scratches her hand.
MARK
Were you missing a set of sheets?
Any cutlery?
CHELSEA
No.
(then)
Don't tell me she's a thief, too.
MARK
(shakes his head)
I'm just asking the obvious
questions. Someone must have
ditched the bloody sheets, and the
murder weapon had to come from
somewhere.
(then)
Did you find anything unusual in
the house?
CHELSEA
Besides Randy's stuff strewn over
everything? Nothing at all.
Mark smiles knowingly. Chelsea scratches her hand.
MARK
Randy does know how to make
herself at home.
CHELSEA
And it could have killed me - she
left her shampoo in the shower. If
I'd used it, we'd be seeing each
other today in your hospital.
MARK
So that's why you've got all those
hypoallergenic products.
CHELSEA
I have very sensitive skin.
MARK
Which is why your hand itches.
Mark motions to her scratching her hand - Chelsea wasn't even
aware she was doing it.
CHELSEA
Must be the dog's hair.
MARK
If you were allergic to the dog's
hair, you wouldn't have picked him
up... in fact, you wouldn't even
own him.
Mark examines her hand... a RASH is already breaking out on
the skin.
MARK
Actually, this is contact
dermatitis from shaking my hand -
I covered it in greasepaint.
CHELSEA
But I don't see anything on your
hand.
MARK
That's because I removed the
coloring - otherwise, it's the
same make-up that a performer uses.
(then)
Which is why you're itching - just
like you did the day you killed
the mime.
That's when Randy walks in, holding Thor, followed by Steve.
RANDY
I knew I wasn't that hard to get
along with.
Chelsea stares at Randy in surprise.
RANDY
Don't blame the dog for not
warning you we came in - he knows
me.
MARK
And he knew the mime - that's why
there were no tears on the mime's
pants or wounds on his ankle.
(then)
You said it yourself, it takes
several visits before Thor relaxes.
STEVE
Which is why he wasn't going nuts
around the dead body, either.
(then)
But you were still in the house
that night, weren't you?
MARK
You thought Randy only showed up
at nine and six, you weren't
expecting her to walk in on you so
early in the morning. You hid. And
as soon as she was gone, you
ditched the body.
Chelsea sits down slowly on the edge of the bed.
CHELSEA
For a few weeks, we had... a
fling. I thought it was over. Then
he called me in Aspen, said he was
in deep money trouble. If I didn't
get him out of it right away, he'd
tell my husband about us.
(then, to Mark)
How did you know?
MARK
You ditched the sheets and remade
the bed perfectly... the way you
thought it was before... the way
it is right now.
STEVE
What you didn't know is that Randy
was living here - and that she's
the one who left the bed a mess.
RANDY
So who OD'd the dog?
MARK
(to Randy)
You did - accidentally.
(to Chelsea)
When you came back from Aspen, you
gave the dog his pills out of
habit.
(to Randy)
Of course, you didn't know that,
so when you came home, you gave
him an extra dose.
RANDY
(to Chelsea)
If you're so allergic to make-up,
why get involved with a mime?
Chelsea drew shrugs, defeated.
CHELSEA
I'm a sucker for the strong,
silent type.
And on their looks, we,
DISSOLVE TO:
61 INT. BEACH HOUSE - DAY 61
There's a knock at the door. Steve opens it and groans as he
sees Randy standing there.
RANDY
Don't panic - I'm here to say
goodbye.
STEVE
I'm sure the doctors will be glad
to have their lounge back.
RANDY
Admit it, you're going to miss me.
STEVE
But I'll always have the scars to
remember you by.
That's when Mark comes up with a manilla envelope.
MARK
(to Randy)
You got some mail at the hospital.
RANDY
I've been waiting for this.
He hands her a the ENVELOPE. She excitedly tears it open and
pulls out a DIPLOMA.
MARK
What is it?
RANDY
It's my Applied Engineering degree.
She hands it to Mark.
MARK
The University of Antigua.
STEVE
Must be a nice campus.
Randy takes the diploma back and hefts her suitcase.
RANDY
That degree is going to come in
handy where I'm going.
STEVE
Where's that?
RANDY
I don't know.
(smiles)
Which is just the way I like it.
Thanks for everything.
She kisses Mark and Steve on the cheek and leaves. Mark looks
after her.
MARK
Isn't she great?
STEVE
Only when she leaves.
And on Mark's look, we FADE OUT.
THE END