Opens at Emma’s house.

Her, her mom, + Mr. Simpson are eating dinner.

Mrs. Nelson: Today was so crazy. Melissa called in sick again.

Mr. Simpson: Uh huh.

Mrs. Nelson: I forgot poor Mrs. Hursh under the dryer for an hour.

Mr. Simpson: It is the time you found a junior stylist.

Mrs. Nelson: I know. (They’re touching hands. They look at Emma, who doesn’t look happy)

Mr. Simpson: So, Em, what are your plans for the big weekend? Got any hot dates?

Emma: No, Mr. Simpson. (She breaks apart her chopsticks)

Mrs. Nelson: Emma’s been working really hard on her science fair project.

Mr. Simpson: Oh great. What’s it on again?

Emma: The effect of healthy breakfast on school performance. The better you eat, the better you perform.

Mr. Simpson: Sounds very impressive.

Emma: Thanks, Mr. Simpson. (They look at each other)

Mr. Simpson: Emma, um, Mr. Simpson is fine for school, but when we’re here, I’d like it if you called me Archie.

Emma: Would you pass the kun pow, Mr. Simpson?  

Opening Credits

Cut to: Outside Degrassi

Emma is going stuff for her experiment. Manny is doing exercises. Emma blows her whistle so Manny stops.

Manny: How many?

Emma: Uh, 48. That’s 14 more than you did last week, when you were eating junk. (She sees Mr. Simpson + she groans) Everytime I turn around, there he is. At home At school.

Manny: Can you ever get too much Mr. Simpson?

Emma: Uh, yeah. He came over again for dinner last night. And guess what he asked me?

Manny: What?

Emma: If I had any hot dates this weekend.

Manny: Ew, gross.

Emma: You want grosser? He wants me to call him by his first name, Archie.

Manny: Does that make your mom Betty?

Emma: I always thought she was more of a Veronica type. (She turns a blender on)

Cut to: hallway

Jimmy is holding Ellie’s hand.

Jimmy: We would have fun on a date. Guaranteed. (Spinner is watching as he eats a banana) All I need is your phone number.

Ellie: Jimmy, your ex is my new best friend. You’re cute, but no. (She walks away)

PA: May I have your attention please? Senior students, please note that gym classes are cancelled today for junior science fair. (Jimmy stands up + goes over to Spinner)

Jimmy: Story of my life, eh? Come on, let’s go.

Spinner: I can’t, man. My bat, it’s wooden.

Jimmy: Sorry, my ears weren’t plugged this morning, sorry.

Spinner: I have a boner.

Jimmy: Oh.

Spinner: And it’s been like this all week, a girl walks by, + bam! It’s all ‘cause of Emma’s stupid science fair project.

Jimmy: What does the project have to do with it?

Spinner: She made me eat granola + fruit.

Jimmy: Banana’s don’t give you boners, hormones do.

Spinner: All I know is I ate some healthy food + now I’m like the sex Superman.

Jimmy: You’re a superfreak. Let’s go.

Spinner: Jimmy, I’m still in the red, remember?

Jimmy: I don’t know why I’m doing this. Here. (Hands him a binder)

Spinner: Binder boner shield. Nice. (Gets up with the binder there)

Cut to: Grade 8 Science Class.

They’re working on their science fair projects.

Ms. H: All right, remember the fair is tomorrow at 9 sharp. Well, looks like some of you are almost finished. (She’s walking around) And looking around the room, it looks like some of you are lagging behind. Does anyone need any help?

JT: Yes please, Ms. Hatzilakos. (She goes to help him)

Manny: Em, your project is gonna be so awesome. I can’t believe how much work you did. (She puts some kind of helmet thing on Toby) You are so gonna win.

Liberty: Um, no. My project on the effects of life deprivation on household plants is so detailed, so thorough, it impresses even me.  Sorry.

Manny: Don’t let her bug you.

Emma: It’s not her. It’s my project. It’s not working. Two of the kids did better eating junk food (Liberty is listening to her + smiling).

Manny: Really, who?

Emma: Spinner Mason. And guess who else? (They look at JT, who spilled some of his stuff on Ms. H)

JT: Sorry. (They’re staring at him. Toby looks too. JT looks at Toby + tells him to look at Ms. H. Toby takes off his helmet) Sorry.

Cut to: Hallway

Emma goes over to JT + Toby.

JT: Whoa, what I do now?

Emma: You did better after eating junk. You faked my test + you ruined my project.

JT: Moi? Why would I do that? I only did your stupid project for the free food.

Emma: Well there’s no other explanation.

Toby: Sure there is. The health food you eat for breakfast stinks.

JT: Yeah, + it’s trying to escape. (He burps. Emma leaves. Toby burps.)

Cut to: Hallway

Emma is trying to find Spinner

Spinner: I’m not eating any more granola.

Emma: You don’t have to. You already messed up my project.

Spinner: You messed up my life. Your health food un-released the beast within. (He turns around bumps into Ellie)

Ellie: Spinner, open your eyes.

Spinner: Sorry, Ellie. (He puts the binder there again. Emma looks at him) I have to go now.

Emma: Wait. I want to go over these results with you. Spinner! (He walks away. She groans + puts her books on her head + walks away)

Cut to: Emma’s

Her mom + Mr. Simpson are watching TV while Emma is working on her project in the kitchen.

Mr. Simpson: You want some ice cream?

Mrs. Nelson: Yeah.

Mr. Simpson: Yeah?

Mrs. Nelson: Yeah.

Mr. Simpson: I’ll go get some.

Mrs. Nelson: Okay.

He gets up + goes in the kitchen.

Mr. Simpson: (Opens the freezer) So, how’s the project? (Gets the ice cream + closes it)

Emma: How does to look? A disaster.  

Mr. Simpson: (Gets spoons) What’s the matter?

Emma: JT + Spinner are the matter.  My hypothesis fell apart.

Mr. Simpson: You know Einstein said that imagination is more key than knowledge. Maybe you need to get a little creative. (Mrs. Nelson is listening + smiling) Look at things from another angle.

Emma: Gee, that’s helpful.  How handy it is to have you right here in my house. (Mrs. Nelson’s smile disappears)

Mr. Simpson: Well I guess we’ll leave you to it then. Good night Emma. (He leaves the room)

Cut to: Degrassi – The Science fair

JT: Mr. Raditch, I give you, the woman of the future.

Mr. R: (Picks up the project) Do I want to know what this is?

JT: It’s a replace for silicon in breast implants. 100% natural. (He picks them both up) Made of water, flour, + lard. (Puts them on his chest)

Toby: Uh, Mr. Raditch, would you like to see my project?

Mr. R: Yes, please. (He goes over to Toby)

Toby: Surveillance: Friend or Foe?

Cut to: Emma + Manny

Emma: My project was gonna be so good. (Manny is eating a candy bar. She offers some to Emma) Chocolate in the morning?

Manny: I know it’s not good for me, but it tastes like happy.

Emma: Manny, what did you say?

Manny: It tastes like happy. Why?

Emma: Manny, you are brillant! (She leaves the room)

Manny: Thank you.

Cut to: Media Immersion

Emma erases her title: A Virtue Of A Healthy Breakfast. She changes it to The Mind/Body Connection.  She prints it + smiles as she does. She runs back to the fair.

Cut to: Science Fair

Liberty: (She’s pointing at everything with a red light pen) Hour 147, notice a lack of green on the fern. Hour 148, even the cactus is beginning to dry out.  Hour 140…

Mr. Simpson: Thank you Liberty. That’ll do.  

Liberty: But there’s 52 more hours.

Mr. Simpson: Oh, I’m sure there are. If only we had enough time. (They go over to Emma’s)

Liberty: Two of her subjects produced irregular results. Plus she’s not even here.

Emma: (She runs in) Wait! Sorry. (Puts the new title up) Last minute burst of inspiration.

Mr. Simpson: No problem at all.

Emma: You’re judging?

Mr. Simpson: Yup. And I can’t wait to hear about your inspiration, so, go ahead.

Emma: Okay, for my project, I set out to prove that healthy food is good for you, but as scientists, we must remember the human factor. Take JT Yorke, for example. (Shows JT + his results) His results threw me, until I realized that chocolate + burritos make him happy. Better mood, better performance.

Liberty: What about Spinner Mason? How do you explain his results? (Shows Spinner)

Emma: Margin of error. It makes sense, since it is Spinner.

Mr. Simpson: That’s a very original project. (He walks away. Emma smiles)

Cut to: Hallway

Spinner opens up his locker.

He takes pictures of girls that are in his locker. Jimmy comes up to him.

Jimmy: Oh I love those girls.

Spinner: Yeah, me too. I really love them.

Jimmy: Still in the red zone? (Spinner nods. He takes out some food) What are you doing?

Spinner: (Shuts his locker) Fighting the health food molecules. Chemicals + preservatives are the antidote.

Jimmy: It’s not the health food molecules giving you boners, you realize that?  

Spinner: How do you know?

Jimmy: Because that’s stupid.

Spinner: You’re stupid. Man, all I have to do is get back my chemical enriched metabolism + I’ll be back to my old self. (They have arrived to class)

Ms. Kwan: We’re waiting for you to begin. Could you two move any slower? (She takes Spinner’s food. They all go in)   

Cut to: Science Fair

They’re awarding the prizes.

Nadia: Maybe, one day, people will realize that the wolf is actually our friend. Thank you. (Everyone claps)

Ms. H: Congratulations once again, to Nadia, for winning first prize in the grade seven class. And now, for our final award, junior science fair first prize.  (Liberty moves the crowd because she thinks she won)

Liberty: Hope the engraver spelt my name right. Excuse me.

Ms. H: And it goes to…Emma Nelson, for Mind/Body Connection. (Everyone claps. Liberty looks confused that she lost. Emma goes to get her prize) Congratulations.

Mr. Simpson: All right Emma! (Emma smile disappears when she hears him) Woo hoo!  (He claps)

Manny: (Whispers to Liberty) You are so jealous.

Liberty: I’m not jealous. I’m appalled. Teacher’s pet wins again. (Emma smiles + holds up the trophy)

Cut to: Cafeteria

Spinner: Okay. I’ve been thinking, you know, about my condition.

Jimmy: Do we have to talk about this?

Spinner: Okay, look, it’s not all bad. Inconvenient, yes, but it does have its’ upside.

Jimmy: What?

Spinner: Well, whatever’s giving me boners is turning me into a major chick magnet. (To girls walking by) Hey.  And girls have been looking at me, different.

Jimmy: (Sips his soda) Different, like you’re crazy.

Spinner: (Moves his tray) Now, take this. (He means the food on the tray) Sheila let me take this stuff for free. She even complimented me on my ensemble. Hey.  (He waves at Sheila. Jimmy looks at her. She waves back)

Jimmy: What’s your point?

Spinner: That the female race is a slave for Spinner. So why fight it? Fruit + only fruit from now on. (He bites into an apple. He gives Jimmy an orange)

Cut to: Grade 8 Media Immersion

Everyone is talking.

Mr. Simpson: (He whistles) Okay! We all had fun at the science fair, but back to business. Mother boards. Now as you can see this one has no front side bus. It’s practically an antique. Now the term bus actually comes from a similarity to a city bus that drops off + picks up riders. The same in a computer. When you turn the computer on the bus drives along and signals are dropped off or picked up to the devices attached to the line. Like the hard drive or a CD-ROM drive or any other….(As he talks Emma + Manny type messages. The first one says, “Archie Simpson loves high-tech.” The second one says, “Archie Simpson loves Emma’s Mom.  When Manny sends that to Emma, the whole class gets it. ) Now what happens if the bus misses a device, can’t just walk to the next stop, right? Anyone have any ideas?

Manny: Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

Emma: Manny!

Manny: I’m sorry. (When Toby sees it, He elbows JT)

JT: Oh Lordy.

Mr. Simpson: Emma? What’s wrong?

Emma: Don’t look at your e-mail. (Liberty gets a grin on her face. Mr. Simpson goes to his computer)

Mr. Simpson: Ms. Santos, you’ll see me immediately after class.

Cut to: Hallway

Jimmy is in the hall. He sees Ellie give Spinner her number.

Spinner: Thank you. I’ll be calling you. (Ellie leaves.)

Jimmy: Ellie’s number?

Spinner: Yeah. (Jimmy takes his basketball + slams Spinner up against a locker with it) What? Okay. Okay. Jimmy, I’m a lover not a fighter (He pushes the ball away. He tries to leave, but Jimmy pushes him back). Okay. Okay. Okay. Listen, evolution class. Charles Derwin said that man has to spread his seeds to survive. So dating Ellie is just part of my human duty.

Jimmy: It’s Darwin. The guy’s name is Darwin, there’s no Derwin.  

Spinner: Whatever. Oh + uh, have you ever considered changing your diet, because with a little health food, this could have been yours. (He leaves. The bell rings)

Cut to: Girls Washroom

Manny: And now I have to write a 1,000 word essay on internet privacy. (Liberty comes out of a stall)

Liberty: So it’s true?

Emma: Simpson is dating my mom? Yes.

Liberty: And now everyone knows. Embarrassing. (She takes out floss) Of course, I was a victim of gossip last year, so I sympathize.

Emma: Thanks, Liberty.

Liberty: Your welcome. So let’s talk about what you’re going to do.

Emma: About what?

Liberty:  There was a judging basis in your favor. Simpson’s dating your mom.

Emma: So?

Liberty: So his basis doesn’t bother you?

Manny: Don’t listen to her, Em.

Liberty: She can make up her own mind. It should bother you, because you, Emma Nelson, are a woman of conscience. One simple solution. Turn in the award. (She zips her bag + leaves)

Cut to: Media Immersion

Emma goes in. Mr. Simpson is doing something to the computer before his class starts.

Emma: Mr. Simpson.

Mr. Simpson: I know what happened with Manny was unfortunate.

Emma: Yeah, but it was a mistake. We’re both sorry about it.

Mr. Simpson: Okay, fair enough. (She doesn’t leave) Anything else, Em?

Emma: So I don’t get punished, just Manny?

Mr. Simpson: She sent the e-mail.

Emma: Yeah, but I told her about you + mom.

Mr. Simpson: There’s nothing to hide, Em. What’s this all about?

Emma: Kids are talking that I won the award because of favoritism. (His class starts coming in)

Mr. Simpson: What?

Emma: Well it’s true. When guys like you date single moms, they always try to bribe the kids.

Mr. Simpson: Guys like me? We need to discuss this later.

Emma: No, we’re going to discuss this now.

Mr. Simpson: Emma, class is about to start.

Emma: I don’t care. You’re basist, just admit it, Archie! (The class starts to laugh)  

Mr. Simpson: Emma, you won the award on your own merits. The runner-up, Liberty Van Zandt, made a strong effort, but the judges thought it lacked flair. Yours was exciting + original.

Emma: (Mocking him) Original, exciting. Of course that’s what you’re going to say.

Mr. Simpson: Because it’s the truth! And I’m not the only one who felt that way. Look at the judging sheets. (She takes the sheets + sighs.)

Cut to: Ms. Kwan’s Grade 9 English Class

Ms. Kwan: Okay, enough time left for improve. We need two volunteers. Nominees?

Jimmy: Um, I’m going to go with Paige… (She gets up) + Spinner. (Everyone claps)

Spinner: Don’t. You know I can’t. Jimmy. (Paige pulls him up to the front)

Ms. Kwan: What’s the situation?

Jimmy: Situation? Uh, Spinner’s delivering a package, + Paige is a lonely housewife. VERY lonely.

Spinner: Uh, Miss. I have a package for you.

Paige: I’ll bet you do, big boy.

Spinner: Uh, yeah. So just take it + sign, okay?

Paige: (She grabs his arm as he tries to leave) What’s the hurry, you big handsome hunk of man? Why don’t you, uh, bring that package in for a little drink?

Spinner: Uh, no. No. I can’t, because, uh, because I hate you. (He tries to leave again)

Paige: I won’t sign, unless you come in for something. (He turns around)

Ms. Kwan: Gavin, we need to see your face so we can hear you.

Spinner: Uh, Ms. Kwan, I can’t. (She turns him around. When she does everyone laughs at him, so he leaves the room)

Paige: Okay that is why no one should ever wear track pants.

Cut to: Cafeteria

Spinner is sitting at a table by himself with his head down, when Jimmy sits with him.

Jimmy: Hey Spin. And how is little Spinner doing today? What are you still in the red?

Spinner: Little Spinner is hiding. And you should be too, because I’m gonna kill you.

Jimmy: Come on. It was funny.

Spinner: Yeah, for you. For me, it was just, brutal.

Jimmy: You can’t spend the rest of your hormonal life like this.

Spinner: Okay, it’s not my fault. It is the health food.

Jimmy: For the last time, food has nothing to do with it. Uh, Sheila. Can you come here for a second? (She goes over to them)

Sheila: What can I do for you ladies?

Jimmy: Um, question. Does food, health food, help get men in the mood?

Sheila: Well they say clams do, but I cooked them up for my hubby + all he got was gas.

Jimmy: Okay, um, say you knew this teenager + he was always in the red, would food have anything to do with it?

Sheila: Food? (She laughs) You’ve got to be kidding. At your age, it’s all about hormones.

Jimmy: (To Spinner) See?

Sheila: Ah, don’t worry Jimmy. It’s just a stage. A hormonal hiccup. It’ll pass. (She lightly hits him on the chin + leaves)

Jimmy: I, I can’t believe she thinks it’s me.

Spinner: Well, I mean, why not? Well it’s all about the hormones, right? It can happen to anyone.

Cut to: That Night – Emma’s House

Mrs. Nelson: I never win anything.

Mr. Simpson: Well you must be on a streak. First me, now the centerpiece. (She laughs. He sees Emma) Hey Emma. I should probably get going.

Emma: Mr. Simpson? Can I talk to you first? (He goes to her + sits down) I was a bit of a freak today.

Mr. Simpson: You were concerned. Your mom + I put you in an uncomfortable situation.

Emma: No kidding.

Mr. Simpson: Would’ve been nice if you hadn’t done it in front of my class. You know I do care about your mother.

Emma: No, it’s not about that. It’s about me + school + everyone thinking I’m your little pet.

Mr. Simpson: I promise I will treat you exactly the way I treat everyone else.

Emma: That won’t matter. People think what they wanna think.

Mr. Simpson: I don’t know. Maybe we should transfer you out of my class.

Emma: No.

Mr. Simpson: Or your mom + I should stop dating.

Emma: I don’t want that either.

Mr. Simpson: You know, I was proud of you today. The way you saved your project at the very last second, it was very, very cool + very deserving of first place, okay?

Emma: Okay. Thanks, Snake.

Mr. Simpson: No problem, Emmers.

Emma: Archibald.

Mr. Simpson: Emmalada.

Emma: The Snakester.

End Credits