Cupid - 1.06 - Meat Market

CUPID

"Meat Market"

By
Rob Thomas

TEASER
FADE IN:

INT. CHAMP & TREVOR'S APARTMENT - DAY

There's a knock on the door. Trevor opens to reveal JILL, a teenaged girl.

JILL Trick or treat.

TREVOR Halloween's tomorrow.

JILL I'm beating the holiday rush. Trick or damn treat.

TREVOR It's three in the afternoon.

JILL So if I ask you the time, you'll give me the candy.

TREVOR
(looks her over) Where's the costume? What're you supposed to be?

JILL
(full of sarcasm) I'm shooting for unimpressed stranger. How am I doin' so far?

TREVOR Uh, you know what? Why don't you go find a real costume and come back when you're six years younger. All right? Heh heh.

At that moment, Champ (wearing only a towel) walks by the door.

JILL What? You mean you and your boyfriend don't have any bonbons you can spare?

TREVOR Ha ha. You know what? We have a whole tribe of Ommpa Loompas in the back cranking out everlasting gob stoppers by the truck load, but you, little Miss Disgruntled, are going hungry.

JILL I'll put you down for tricks.

Jill leaves. Trevor calls after.

TREVOR It's trick or treat. Trick, singular. No tricks. No plural.
(closes the door)
I got your candy, little girl. I got a love piñata.
(swings in the air)
Swing away!

FADE OUT

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE
FADE IN:

INT. CHAMP & TREVOR'S APARTMENT - DAY

Champ is reciting some lines from a book and Trevor is busy in the kitchen.

CHAMP
(reading) "Petty men walk under his huge legs and peep about to find ourselves..."

The phone rings.

CHAMP Don't pick up.

TREVOR What if it's for me?

CHAMP It's not.

TREVOR It could be.

CHAMP But it's not.

TREVOR I have friends.

CHAMP Since when?

Trevor goes for the phone but Champ stops him. The answering machine kicks in.

TREVOR (on machine) We're not in right now, so why not take this opportunity to sign up for the Cook County Naturalist Great Lake Booze Cruise...

CHAMP What?

TREVOR I could have friends.

TREVOR (on machine cont'd) And of course tomorrow night the Sun Times sponsored Halloween cancer stomp at Club Gomorrah's. Leave it at the beep.

BEEP!

CHAMP Trevor, do you mind telling me what's on our machine?

SULTRY VOICE (on machine) Hi Champ, this is Adele, from last night at Taggerty's, remember? Anyway, the offer still stands. Call me.

BEEP!

TREVOR The offer still stands! Nice-ness. That sounds like casual sex. You gonna call her back?

CHAMP Can't do it.

TREVOR Can't do it?

CHAMP You know how other guys can go home with whoever and whatever. Not me. I always end up in a relationship. I guarantee you, I call Adele back, the next thing you know I'm spending Thanksgiving at her grandparents' house or front row at her brother's trade school graduation.

TREVOR That's-- that's not good.

CHAMP Tell me about it. Just once I'd like to know how the other ninety-nine percent lives.

TREVOR Tomorrow night, you're coming with me.
(walks away)
Heh, heh, heh.

CHAMP
(lays his head on the wall) Oh no.

INT. HALLWAY OF CHAMP & TREVOR'S APARTMENT - DAY (JUMP CUT)

Jill is back. She's using clothes hangers to hold the doorknob to the radiator. As she's working she's eating popcicles. By the popcicle sticks in the door jam and the number of hangers she's used, you can tell she's been working on it for a while. She leaves when the final hanger is in place.

INT. CHAMP & TREVOR'S APARTMENT - JUMP CUT

Trevor throws on his jacket and heads to the door. He can't open it. He tries and tries but the hangers on the other side hold the door to the radiator. He finally gives up and heads to the window.

EXT. FIRE ESCAPE - JUMP CUT

Trevor tries to release the ladder, but it won't go down. He finds it's been chained up.

JILL
(on the street) Trick or treat!

TREVOR This is a fire hazard, you know. You could be fined.

JILL Just think. One candy bar and I would have been on my way.

TREVOR Yeah well, if I give you a couple of truffles, can I suggest places for you to go?

JILL I'll see you around.

TREVOR Don't go to any special trouble there, MacGuyver. Real nice job.

INT. CUPPA JAVA FOYER - NIGHT

Cuppa Java is decorated for Halloween. The members of the singles group are inside waiting for Claire. She's pacing back and forth in front of the door talking to someone on her cell phone.

CLAIRE Okay, Anna, just calm down, all right. Now, have you asked your husband to come in and see me with you?
(beat)
Well, couples therapy is much more effective when I get to speak with both partners.
(beat)
All right, but if things are really that bad...
(beat)
Okay. Just promise me you'll try.
(beat)
All right. Good night.

As she hangs up Trevor enters.

CLAIRE Do I have to remind you punctuality is required.

TREVOR No, but I so love your voice, let's hear it anyway.

CLAIRE Trevor, one letter from me and you know where you're going.

TREVOR
(under his breath) I wouldn't be cured if I arrived half an hour early.

CLAIRE I'm not deaf, Trevor.

TREVOR Or mute. When's the last time you had sex?

CLAIRE That is none of your business.

TREVOR No, no, see it is my business 'cause I am Chairman of the bed board, CEO of Coitus Inc, and I'm telling you you're cranky.

CLAIRE Oh and like so many men you think the cure for crankiness...

TREVOR
(completing her thought) Is a good...

CLAIRE Careful now.

TREVOR Man. Now listen, sometimes it's really hard to find Mr. Right. Do us all a favour and find Mr. Right Now.

He enters Cuppa Java and closes the door just as Claire is about to enter.

CLAIRE Very funny.

INT. CUPPA JAVA - JUMP CUT

The regulars are there. There's also another member we haven't noticed before. Her name is LESLIE. The group is in the middle of a rather heated discussion.

NICK So ladies tell me, why is it every time you get asked to dance you get this look? It's like you've just been asked for your bone marrow.

TINA Oh. "Asking to dance". That must be when you stumble into a girls night out and then ask the largest pair of breasts at the table if you've seen them there before.

LAURENCE Well, maybe if you had your girls night out at places other than DecaDance and Club Gomorrah's we might be a little less confused.

LESLIE Well, you see the problem is men go out to the clubs with an agenda and I think we all know what that agenda is. Women, typically, are looking for a fun night out.

LAURENCE Please. Someone tell Cindy Lauper back there that clubs have nothing to do with fun.

CLAIRE Okay Laurence...

LAURENCE No. They are about sweating it.
(nods from the men in the group agreeing with him)
Do I make enough money? Does this shirt match? Has she heard this line before?

TINA Will I make it pass the "you must be this tall to enter night club" sign?

Some laughs from the group.

CLAIRE Okay, okay people...

LAURENCE
(stands) Or in your case, will he be willing to spring for my cab fare home?

More laughs from the group.

CLAIRE All right, all right...

TINA
(stands) Stand up and say that.

Some "ooh's" from the group.

CLAIRE All right...

LAURENCE She went there.

CLAIRE Okay!

The group settles down and both Laurence and Tina take their seats but not before shooting each other one last dirty look.

CLAIRE Thank you. Obviously Halloween has everyone a little worked up. Next to New Year it's probably the worst night of the year to be single. Everyone you know is having a party, right? Every night club in town that serves a drink with the word "orgasm" in it, plans an event designed to send you home with some new anonymous "friend".

Mike raises his hand.

CLAIRE Yes?

MIKE What's your professional opinion of meat markets, then?

CLAIRE Overall? I'd say they're places to find sex, not relationships. And since it's relationships are what we're looking for...

MIKE Can you back up the sex part?

Laughter from the group. Leslie just rolls her eyes.

CLAIRE Is that all you want?

MIKE Sometimes.

NICK Ha ha. That's what I'm talking about, right there!

MIKE It doesn't really matter 'cause it's impossible to talk in those places, anyway.

NICK Yeah, he's right. It's so dark in those places for all you know you could be working your juju on Muffy the dog faced girl.

TINA Oh nice.

LAURENCE Besides the music is too loud in those dance clubs to even talk.

LESLIE Well, that's why they're called dance clubs.

LAURENCE Well, if you can't talk then what's the point?

LESLIE Music, friends, fully stocked bar. You should try thinking outside of that box, Larry.

LAURENCE It's Laurence, and I'm telling you those places are a waste of money.

TREVOR Hey, hey, hey. You wouldn't know a good time if it gave you a reach around. Listen, tomorrow night is Halloween and it's Saturday night. How often does that happen?

CLAIRE About every seven years.

TREVOR Heh. Exactly. That's why it's time to knock the cobwebs out, all right. Time to leave your inhibitions at home for the weekend. If you guys sleep tomorrow night you deserve to be single. And for those of you who don't, those brave men and women who go forth and attempt to multiply, to you I tip my cap. You have my respect. And to show you my respect, after all the Halloween festivities come down to Taggerty's. I will give you my special hangover remedy. Come and join me, good people.

The group starts cheering and applauding.

TREVOR All right! Tomorrow night we're out for a bit of sin.

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S (A NIGHT CLUB) - NIGHT

The music is wild, the dancing is wild, the costumes are wild and the people in the costumes are even wilder. A rather well shaped man wearing nothing but a fig leaf is dancing with a rubber snake and an apple. He's working it for the panel of costume judges. The panel is made up of a woman, a man (JUDGE #2) and our Claire. Claire is obviously feeling a little uncomfortable with a half naked stud dancing in front of her.

CLAIRE
(holds up a 7) All right. I think I've seen enough.

JUDGE #2
(holding up a 10) Speak for yourself, honey.

DEEJAY (over the speakers) Oww! That's gotta hurt! Dr. Claire Allen from the Sun Times spoils Adam's perfect score!

Claire is surprised by the next costumed contestants. It's the Village People! AKA Trevor, Champ, Nick, Laurence and Mike. Their costumes: Trevor - cop; Champ - construction worker; Nick - cowboy; Laurence - Indian chief; and Mike - a milkman?!!!

Claire isn't the only one surprised. The guys can't believe that their Claire is judging a costume contest at Club Gomorrah's. Trevor has a huge smile on his face as he twirls his handcuffs and starts dancing in front of Claire. She tries hides behind one of her score cards.

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Trevor and Claire are walking through the club as they talk.

TREVOR So this notable psychologist I heard... when was it? Oh yeah, it was last night. Was saying this is the sorta place one goes for sex not when one is looking for relationships.

CLAIRE I didn't come here looking for a relationship.

TREVOR Really? Then you might want to undo a couple of those buttons.

CLAIRE Or sex.

TREVOR Oh! This is where you thought the Saul Bellow book signing was? That's a common mistake.

CLAIRE Trevor, I have to be here, okay. I have to. I'm working.

TREVOR Really? When does your shift start?

He looks over to where a hot young lady is dancing on a table.

CLAIRE Oh, very funny. For the newspaper, Trevor, okay? I didn't want to. They made me. What about you, huh? Am I to assume from your choice of outfits tonight, that you guys are exploring alternative lifestyles?

TREVOR I am Cupid, all right? Where ever there's men, women and alcohol that's where I will be found.

CLAIRE Recipe for romance.

TREVOR More romance have resulted from that particular combination than five hundred years of sonnets.

CLAIRE Really?

TREVOR Yeah.

CLAIRE I don't think there's enough alcohol in Chicago to work up that posse of yours.

Trevor follows Claire's gaze over to Champ, Nick, Laurence and Mike who are huddled together in a corner.

TREVOR So now they're my posse?

CLAIRE
(smiles) Oh, good luck.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO
FADE IN:

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - NIGHT

Champ, Nick, Laurence and Mike are huddled together in a corner.

LAURENCE A milkman?! Mike, what the hell were you thinking, man?!

MIKE
(all defensive) All right, man, all right, fine.
(rips off his fake mustache)
Check the album covers. In the early days one of them was a milkman.

Trevor joins them.

TREVOR What's this?

MIKE This is a typical night in one of these places.

TREVOR I understand that, Man of Milk, but let me tell you something, it's not Fantasy Island. Women are not gonna morph out of coconuts and wrap their limbs around you. You gotta get out there and get in to it. Ask someone to dance.

NICK So they can shoot you down? No way, man. I'm not giving them the pleasure.

LAURENCE Look Trevor, I'm taking a cab home.

TREVOR And do what? Log onto the internet?

LAURENCE Cinemax.

TREVOR How 'bout try one night with flesh and bone women?

MIKE Seriously, Trevor, the rejection is hard to take.

TREVOR Rejection is good and good for you. My man, listen, rejection means you are in the game. I tell you what, the object of tonight is to collect rejections. And the winner is the guy who, come dawn, has collected the most.

CHAMP One of you let me know when he starts making sense.

TREVOR Bottle of Crystal for the winner.

CHAMP I'm not doing this.

TREVOR Champ-a-roony, join the ninety-nine percent! It's international freaky-deaky night! Come on! It's a no lose situation. You're either racking up points or you're dancing with Miss Hawaiian Tropic, all right?

As Trevor says that a hot woman dressed in a bikini dances by.

CHAMP
(watching the girl) Okay. Yeah. All right.

TREVOR There you go. Say, to make it a little more interesting, gentlemen, the guy who gets turned down the least, buys that bottle of Crystal.

NICK Let me get this straight. The winner is the guy who gets shot down the most?

TREVOR Exactly.

NICK I can do that.

TREVOR Yes you can. All right! Gentlemen, I want you to get out there and party like it's 1999.

Trevor leaves them.

MIKE Party like it's two months from now?

NICK Yee haw!

The others watch as Nick walks to a girl wearing a cute little buck skin outfit.

NICK Hey there, beautiful!

The girl smiles at him. He gets close and whispers in her ear. Her smile fades and turns to disgust. She walks away, quickly. The guys laugh but Nick just turns to them and raises a finger signaling his first rejection. As Nick rejoins the guys, Mike decides it's his turn.

MIKE All right. Piece of cake.

He hands his milk bottles to Laurence and heads for the dance floor. He spots a lovely lady and waves to her. She smiles at him. He slowly approaches her then, out of nowhere, starts doing a crazy dance. The lady turns and walks away. The expression on her face reads "Eeek!". The guys laugh. Mike turns to them and gives them a Sammy Sosa salute and takes a bow. He heads back to them. Now, it's Champ's turn.

CHAMP Doesn't look too hard. Okay, here it goes.

Champ goes to waitress who's busy serving drinks.

CHAMP I am the chocolate lover from planet Funktron. You will be my mistress of dance.

The guys just laugh, they can't believe that line. But the waitress takes one look at Champ and...

WAITRESS Okey-dokee.

She hands her tray to a customer and pulls Champ to the dance floor. The guys cheer.

NICK Whoa!

LAURENCE Ay yi yi yi!

MIKE All right, Champ!

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

The music's still pumpin' and the people still jumpin'! With a point of view from the upper level of the club, we can see our boys roaming the crowds, gathering rejections. All our boys except Champ who seems to be collecting more dances than rejections.

Claire is on the upper level. She's watching all the people on the dance floor. Then, out of nowhere, Trevor joins her.

TREVOR Mr. Right down there?

CLAIRE My turn-ons are virtue and kindness, Trevor. This hormonal petri dish is probably not the place I'm gonna find those qualities.

TREVOR You won't find your dream man until guys start wearing their resumes on their chests.

CLAIRE Oh, that's not a bad idea, women have been doing it for centuries.

He looks at her chest.

CLAIRE That's figurative. Oh, never mind. Trevor, I am looking for someone who is... scratch that. I--I'm not even actively looking, okay? And I am not desperate, I am really open, you know, open to the possibilities of finding someone. Someone with similar belief systems, similar interests, similar life goals, someone compatible,

Trevor pretends to nod off.

CLAIRE (cont'd) Trevor, not some disco boy toy.

TREVOR You know what the irony is here? Even if you found him, you'd hate him.

CLAIRE Really?
(to a waitress)
Excuse me, can I get a Rusty Nail? Thank you.

Trevor mouths "Rusty Nail?!".

CLAIRE (cont'd) I'd hate him? Yes, that doesn't make any sense.

She looks back at the dance floor.

TREVOR You know what, I'm going to prove it.

As someone walks by, Trevor vanishes.

CLAIRE How are you going to do that?

She turns back to him but is surprised to see he's vanished and can't seem to see where he went.

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Mike walks up to a cute woman with a sparkly bikini top.

MIKE Excuse me. You are a dead ringer for my mom. Wanna boogie?

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Trevor is talking to some guy.

TREVOR You don't, by any chance, believe in a dilatory progression of romantic development?

MAN No, I'm like every other guy here tonight. I'm just lookin' to get laid.

TREVOR Oh, great. Okay. Happy hunting.

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Laurence is making his way down the bar asking women to dance. He's not doing so well. A woman at the end of the bar spots this and smiles. This woman is dressed in a real sexy leopard costume which covers her from head to toe. She even has a cute little leopard spotted tail. She's far down the line of women that Laurence is going down so she orders a drink and watches as Laurence gets shot down woman after woman.

LEOPARD GIRL Bartender!

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Nick is leaning against a wall talking to a real cute Little Bo Peep.

NICK Yeah, I don't mean to sound like I'm braggin' but just so you know, I can touch my eyebrows.

LITTLE BO PEEP
(smiles) So?

NICK With my tongue.

LITTLE BO PEEP Ugh!

She walks away.

NICK So I guess a dance is outta the question?

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Mike walks up to the waitress.

MIKE
(in a funny little voice and using his hand as a puppet) Excuse me, would you dance with me?

WAITRESS
(using her hand as a puppet) Grow up!

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

In a corner, a Scotsman and a Showgirl are making out. Champ walks up and taps the Showgirl on the shoulder.

CHAMP Come on, let's dance.

The Showgirl looks at Champ then to the Scotsman

SHOWGIRL Do you mind?

She leads Champ to the dance floor. Champ can't believe it, neither can the Scotsman.

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Back at the bar, Laurence is still getting shot down.

LAURENCE You don't want to dance do you?

BLUEBIRD No.

LAURENCE No.

Laurence spots Leopard Girl who is moving to the music. She points to him. He looks around, points to himself and mouths "Me?". She nods and wiggles her finger for him to come to her. He does, with a big smile on his face.

LAURENCE You don't want to dance...

LEOPARD GIRL Tequila shot!

She hands him a shot glass then shakes salt on her forearm.

LEOPARD GIRL Lick it.
(he looks a surprised)
Lick it.

He does.

LEOPARD GIRL Drink it. Drink it.

Laurence downs his Tequila. Then she sticks a lime in his mouth.

LEOPARD GIRL Suck it!

They both giggle as Laurence takes the lime out of his mouth.

LAURENCE Hey, you wanna dance...

LEOPARD GIRL Tequila shot!

She hands him another shot glass and they down their Tequila.

DEEJAY (over the speakers) All right decadancers! It's time for Gomorrah's dance contest! So, if you've got it, I want to see you flaunt it!

LEOPARD GIRL
(big smile on her face) Score! We are so gonna win this contest!

She pulls him to the dance floor.

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Trevor is walking through the dance floor. He's still looking for a guy for Claire.

We look up and see that Claire hasn't left her perch on the upper level.

Back on the dance floor, people are going wild!

DEEJAY (over the speakers) Yo, dance contestants! If you get yo' self tapped, yo' tapped! Get yourself off the floor!

A man with a clipboard is walking through the dance floor, occasionally tapping dancers on the shoulder. Leopard Girl and Laurence are on the dance floor. She's dancing up a storm, Laurence is just standing there. Off by the side, the other guys are sharing some beers as they talk.

NICK Man, you suck at this game.

CHAMP Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful.

NICK Actually I love you, 'cause you're gonna be buying me some champagne.

CHAMP Oh, wait a minute there, cowboy.

Champ heads onto the dance floor. He goes up to Little Bo Peep.

CHAMP Excuse me, miss.

LITTLE BO PEEP
(she smiles when she sees him) Yeah?

CHAMP Can you explain to me Strasberg's elaboration on the Stanislavsky Method?

LITTLE BO PEEP
(confused) What? No.

Nick watches as Champ continues to talk to Little Bo Peep. It looks like she's getting real annoyed.

CHAMP Are you sure?

LITTLE BO PEEP I said no!

She walks away. Champ turns to the guys with a smile on his face and a finger raised to signal his first rejection. Mike laughs and Nick gives him a thumb up.

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Trevor is at the bar.

MAN (O.S.) Rusty Nail, please.

Rusty nail! That's the same weird drink Claire ordered! Trevor turns to see who made the order. Introduce ALEX DUMOY. Trevor walks over to him.

TREVOR Excuse me. I think the Counting Crows are derivative neo-hippie, self-indulgent hacks providing a lifestyle soundtrack for annoying self-aware yuppies in training.

ALEX I think anyone who sells a trillion records will suffer a critical backlash at the hands of musical dilettantes.

TREVOR So, you like them?

ALEX
(smiles) They're great.

TREVOR Ha ha. You gotta job?

ALEX I'm a writer.

TREVOR Single?

ALEX
(smile fades) Who wants to know?

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Back on the dance floor, Leopard Girl is still dancing up a storm and Laurence is still just standing in front of her. But it looks like he's starting to get into it. He starts swaying back and forth to the music. Soon his swaying turns to dancing, some real great dancing! He even does a spin move.

LEOPARD GIRL Yeowww! Jump back!

EXT. OUTSIDE CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Some of the party from inside has spilled outside. There are fires in steel barrels and costumed people all over the place. Some drinking, some talking, some dancing, some headed for the club, some exiting the club, even some people making out.

Claire is on her cell phone.

CLAIRE Anna, Anna, I am sure he is somewhere.
(beat)
No, no, no. He hasn't left you.
(beat)
Okay, you know what, you're panicking. Just calm down, okay.
(beat)
No, no, no. I know. It's no problem. Really. I told you to call me anytime.
(beat)
Right. Okay, good. You're feeling better. Good.
(beat)
All right. Goodnight.

As she hangs up, Trevor, with Alex in tow, walks up to her.

TREVOR There she is. Right there. What did I tell you. No missing teeth.

CLAIRE I'm sorry, sir. Is my monkey bothering you?

TREVOR Ha ha. She's a feisty one, isn't she? Claire Allen, I want you to meet a friend of mine. He admits to liking Counting Crows, you're fave, he's a writer, he's not one to move to the suburbs, although he's not opposed to having children, not an avid church goer but does believe in a higher power. Tink! You know what I'm saying?

CLAIRE
(smiles at the joke) Yeah.

TREVOR And, uh, Alex, I'd like you to meet Claire. She owns a lot of really nice shoes.

CLAIRE Oh thanks. Well, uh, it's nice to meet you.

ALEX You too.

They shake hands.

TREVOR They touch. They touch. So, uh, and Alex won a prize. He won some sort of prize. Tell her about your prize.

ALEX Oh yeah, the Pulitzer.

TREVOR No. Something about a punt, pass and kick?

CLAIRE
(recognizing him) Oh my god. You're Alex DeMuoy?

TREVOR Hold on. You never mentioned you were french.

CLAIRE You're the reason I'm spending my Saturday night at this hell hole.

ALEX
(recognizing her) Claire Allen. You're much prettier in person than you are in your column photo.

TREVOR
(smiling) You guys have a lot in common. You do. Over achievers together again. So, I'm gonna let you talk. I'm gonna leave you alone. Okay.

Trevor leaves them, but instead of talking there's just an awkward silence.

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Nick is making his way through the crowd when he sees a real cute Bumble Bee. Introduce HEIDI. He goes up to her.

NICK Baby, baby, baby you sure must be tired.

HEIDI Why is that?

NICK 'Cause of the way you've been running around in my dreams every night.

He laughs. She smiles.

HEIDI
(not impressed but not repulsed) Try again.

NICK
(caught off guard) What?

HEIDI Come on, you can do better than that.

Nick looks surprised and takes a moment before coming up with another line.

NICK So, sweet thing, have I told you...

HEIDI "I have a beautiful body."?
(laughs)
Oh my god, you are dusting off the oldies. Okay, okay, wait. How about this one. It's one of my favourites.
(in a faux guy's voice)
"Listen, my buddies are gonna be taken off, so you think maybe later on you can give me a ride".

NICK Heh, that's a good one.

HEIDI Sure fire.

Nick looks like he doesn't know what to say.

HEIDI What's your name?

NICK Nick.

HEIDI Nick?
(chuckles)
Oh my god. That is so perfect. "Yo, it's Nick!", "Nicky!", "Slick Nick!".

Nick still looks like he doesn't know what to say.

HEIDI Nick, I'm Heidi.
(they shake hands)
Let's dance.

She heads to the dance floor. Nick still looks surprised but tries to recover.

NICK Hey, hey... I can touch my eyebrows...

She pulls him to the dance floor.

EXT. OUTSIDE CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Claire is alone. Trevor walks up to her.

TREVOR So, here you are, by yourself. Just like I said. Even if you met the man who met the criteria, the Dr. Claire Allen love expert checklist for a lasting match. Either he wouldn't excite you or you'd run him off. Which was it?

CLAIRE Neither, actually.

Alex joins them. He's carrying drinks.

CLAIRE Oh, hey Alex. Do you think we could get out of here and find someplace to be alone.

ALEX Yeah, yeah. We could do that.

CLAIRE Here, Trevor.
(hands him their drinks)
This'll give you something to hold on to. Good boy.

Claire and Alex walk away, arm in arm. Trevor watches them leave. He has a sort of puzzled expression on his face. In the background a drunken Cupid, with a bow in one hand and a cigar in the other, is shooting people with arrows.

CUPID You've been shot by Cupid! Yeah! You've been shot by Cupid, babe! You've been shot by Cupid! Yea-heh!

TREVOR No, no, no.

Trevor takes Cupid's bow, breaks it and tosses it into the fire. Then he takes the cigar and sticks it in Cupid's mouth.

TREVOR Don't do that.

Trevor then walks away.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT TWO

ACT THREE
FADE IN:

EXT. PARKING LOT, CLUB GOMORRAH'S - NIGHT

Claire and Alex have reached his sports utility.

ALEX Did you have a particular place in mind?

CLAIRE Uh, Alex, you know what I said back there about wanting to find a place to be alone...

ALEX Yeah?

CLAIRE Well, I, you know, I just... I didn't know what I was doing. So, um, it's late. I'm really tired. I'm just going to get a cab.

ALEX I'll give you a lift.

CLAIRE You know, I just don't think so.
(pause)
Okay, Alex, first of all, you are the associate managing editor of the Sun Times and that makes you, in some very strange way, my boss. Second, you are at a club called Gomorrah's, which puts you in any number of high risk categories. Third, you are responsible for me being here tonight.

ALEX Can I take those in order? Because, first, I've asked to go back to reporting, I'm a reporter not an editor. Second, I'm also here because I have to be. It's a newspaper sponsored charity fundraiser. Third, we pay you a lot of money to be our singles columnist so I don't think we're asking to much that you show up to a singles sponsored event. So...

He turn off the alarm on his SUV then opens the door for Claire.

CLAIRE Yeah, yeah. Okay.

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

There aren't as many dancers as before.

DEEJAY (over the speakers) Our remaining contestants are going strong!

Leopard Girl and Laurence are still going strong. Especially Laurence, who looks like he's really into it, now. Unfortunately, the guy with the clipboard taps them on the shoulder. Leopard Girl growls at him and pulls Laurence to the bar. On their way, they pass Champ and Mike. Laurence looks a little cocky as he passes them.

LAURENCE Listen, why don't we go outside and...
(strokes her mask)
talk.

LEOPARD GIRL Why? Are you tired?

LAURENCE Uh, no, but, you know...

LEOPARD GIRL Okay, great! There's this song I really want to dance to. Come on. Excuse me, people!

She leads him through the crowd.

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Mike is still asking women to dance. A SLINKY WOMAN passes him. I don't know if what she's wearing is a costume or not but if it is I'd have to say she's dressed as Jessica Rabbit, from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?".

MIKE Hey, excuse me, do you have any tattoos I can read?

SLINKY WOMAN That wasn't bad.

MIKE It wasn't? I'll try again.

SLINKY WOMAN I want to see you move.

She turns and walks to the dance floor. Mike, surprised, drops his beer bottle.

SLINKY WOMAN
(turns back to him) Come on.

He follows her to the dance floor.

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Champ is walking through a crowd when he looks across the room and sees a real beautiful woman. NAOMI and her girlfriend are sitting on a couch. Men, a lot of men, are asking them to dance, but Naomi shoots them all down. Champ goes over to her.

CHAMP Would you like to dance?

Naomi turns away. She doesn't look interested.

GIRLFRIEND Hey! I know you. You were on that episode of Sunset & Vaughn. You played that reckless rookie detective who got shot because of his disregard for protocol.

CHAMP
(modest) Well...

All of a sudden Naomi looks at him and smiles.

NAOMI You're an actor?

Champ notices the interest in her eyes and nods.

INT. ALEX'S SUV - JUMP CUT

They're driving along. There's that awkward silence again. Alex turns on the stereo, Counting Crows, of course. When he's not looking she looks at him. Then Claire's cell phone rings.

ALEX You certainly are popular.

CLAIRE
(opening her cell) Hello, Anna.
(beat)
Okay. Anna... Anna... Anna hold on, okay. I...
(beat)
He is?
(beat)
Tonight?
(beat)
Uh, can it wait till Monday morning? I'll clear my schedule?
(beat)
All right. Meet me... in thirty minutes.
(beat)
Yes, yes. Relax. I will see you there. Okay.

She hangs up.

CLAIRE Change of plans. Can you drop me off at my office?

ALEX Yeah. Yeah, sure.

CLAIRE Great. Thank you.

EXT. CHICAGO STREET - JUMP CUT

Jill is walking down the street. A car is about to pass her but...

PIMP Hold on. Hold on. Will ya, Johnny?
(through his window)
Hey there, dolly. Hey how ya doin'? It's a cold night, huh?

Jill keeps walking but the car goes slowly next to her.

JILL Hadn't noticed.

PIMP No? You will.

INT. TAXI CAB - JUMP CUT

Trevor is in the back seat with a couple who are busy making out. Trevor still has that puzzled expression he had from earlier.

EXT. CHICAGO STREET - JUMP CUT

Jill is trying to ignore him but the Pimp's car is still going next to her.

PIMP Hey, you ever see that movie with Julia Roberts? Pretty Woman. Looked like a lot of fun didn't it? Huh? How 'bout Night Shift?

Trevor's cab drives by Jill and the Pimp.

INT. TAXI CAB - CONTINUOUS

Trevor sees Jill and what's going on.

TREVOR Could you let me out here please?
(to the couple)
Thanks for splitting a ride but I'm gonna get out here, though, and get some...

The couple is too busy making out to notice anything.

TREVOR (cont'd) ...hemlock.

EXT. CHICAGO STREET - JUMP CUT

The Pimp is still bugging Jill.

PIMP Hey, you looking for work?

JILL
(uses her fingers as a phone) Hello? Oh, it's the artist formerly known as Prince. He'd like his clothes back.

The other passengers in the car start laughing. This pisses off the pimp.

PIMP You laughing at me? Stop the car.

He exits and starts walking toward Jill.

PIMP
(pulls out a switchblade) Wait a minute. Hey you street walking piece of trash...

Trevor walks up. (remember he's still in his cop costume)

TREVOR Hey! Hey! You got a permit for that thing?

PIMP You know what, officer, actually, I happen to be the city's only twenty-four hour moyel.

TREVOR Really?
(pulls out his night stick)
Well, I got a note from my rabbi that allows me to carry this little problem solver right here. So why don't you get back in your car and move on.

PIMP Very well.
(to Jill)
I'm sure I'll see you later.

TREVOR You know what, you won't.

The pimp returns to his car, the other passengers laughing at him. Trevor puts his arm around Jill and they walk off.

TREVOR I think a thank-you is in order.

JILL Don't count on it Starsky.

Trevor chuckles.

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Leopard Girl is leading Laurence to the Deejay's booth.

LEOPARD GIRL
(to a waitress) Excuse, Miss. Miss?
(grabs some napkins)
Can I please borrow a pen?
(gets a pen)
Thank you.

She starts writing something.

LEOPARD GIRL
(to the deejay) Excuse me, sir. Could you please play this for me?

She hands him the note. The deejay looks at it then hands it back.

DEEJAY Never in a million years.

LEOPARD GIRL Please? Please? Please?!

Laurence takes the pen from her while she talks to the deejay and starts writing something.

DEEJAY Look, there's a shuffle board tournament across the street, maybe they'll play it.

LEOPARD GIRL Ha! You suck! You're the suckiest suckmeister ever.

She walks away. Laurence calls to the deejay.

LAURENCE Hey, yo! 'Scuse me, man. Hey, listen man, can you play this song for me, man?

Holds up his note which is written on twenty dollar bill.

DEEJAY
(takes the note) Now this I can get on.

LAURENCE Hey, I appreciate it.

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Heidi and Nick are talking.

HEIDI ... of course they were gay.
(laughs)
What planet are you from?

NICK
(a little shocked) Nah, no, I'm telling you...
(takes his hat off)
I mean I don't know about the rest of 'em guys, but the cowboy was a straight shooter.

She laughs.

HEIDI So what do you do, Nick?

NICK Does it matter?

HEIDI No. I'm just making conversation.

NICK Radio Shack. I'm the manager. How 'bout you?

HEIDI I'm an activities director.

He laughs.

NICK What? Like on the Love Boat?

They laugh.

NICK Volleyball and swimming pools? Tan line contests?

HEIDI No. At a home for people with Alzheimer's.

NICK
(gets serious) Oh.

HEIDI
(changing the subject) Uh, you know, I have one of those clock alarm radios and I only get a two minute snooze. You know anything about that?

NICK Two minute snooze?!

HEIDI Yeah.

NICK That's unacceptable. Bring it in, we'll exchange it.

HEIDI But I didn't get it there.

NICK Hey, I'm the manager.

They laugh. When he thinks she's not looking he looks her over. When she thinks he's not looking she looks him over.

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Leopard Girl and Laurence are back on the dance floor.

LEOPARD GIRL That deejay... you know, people like that, they're evil! They should live on an island where...

DEEJAY (over the speakers) Yo! Now for a special request!

Tom Jone's "What's New Pussycat" starts playing.

MUSIC What's new, Pussycat?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, oh!

LEOPARD GIRL
(excited) That's my song! They're playing my song!

Leopard Girl and Laurence start dancing.

MUSIC What's new, Pussycat?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh!

As they dance another woman, in a sparkly mini dress, comes up and pulls Laurence to her. Laurence would rather dance with Leopard Girl but sparkly mini dress won't take no for an answer and pulls him to her. When Laurence turns around Leopard Girl is gone, nowhere to be found, but sparkly mini dress is. They start dancing up a storm.

MUSIC Pussycat, Pussycat I've got flowers
And lots of hours to spend with you.
So go and powder your cute little pussycat nose.
Pussycat, Pussycat I love you!
Yes, I do!
You and your Pussycat nose.

Laurence isn't the only one dancing. Heidi and Nick hit the dance floor. So do Slinky Woman and Mike. As well as Naomi and Champ. They all look like they're having a great time!

MUSIC What's new, Pussycat?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, oh!
What's new, Pussycat?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh!

INT. TAGGERTY'S - JUMP CUT

Jill is eating a sandwich. Trevor pours her a glass of water.

TREVOR There's no time limit, you know. Consider chewing. So, what's your story?

JILL Local girl makes good in big city.

TREVOR So, how long do you think you can survive on just candy?

JILL Well, some people were a lot more generous than you, but I don't have to make it that long because I'll find Gary soon.

TREVOR Gary?

JILL My boyfriend.

TREVOR Ah. Kind of an extended hide-n-go-seek, huh? That's not a good sign.

JILL Well no, he doesn't even know I'm here, in Chicago.

TREVOR Right. How old is Gary?

JILL Twenty.

TREVOR Twenty. Really? Won't he be a bit surprised to see you?

JILL Well, we're in love.

TREVOR You are?

JILL It's obvious you don't know anything about love.

TREVOR No I don't. Explain it to me. Really, true love. Tell me, how'd you two soul mates meet?

JILL At the Custard Queen.

TREVOR Custard Queen?

JILL That's where I work. Well, where I worked, in Urbana.

TREVOR Uh-huh.

JILL His bike was leaking oil so he pulled off the interstate and fixed it in our parking lot. He was so cute. So, I went out and got him a vanilla cherry cone.

TREVOR Isn't that actually how they met in The English Patient?

JILL Anyway, he went back and forth between Urbana whenever he could get off at work, well that is until my dad found out.

TREVOR Ah. Pops took exception, huh?

JILL He said that if he ever saw him again he'd kill him. I explained to him that we were in love, but he doesn't care. He doesn't know anything about love, either. That's why I left home.

TREVOR How old are you?

JILL Older than Juliet in Romeo and Juliet.

TREVOR Juliet. Remind me, how'd that story end?

INT. CLAIRE'S OFFICE - JUMP CUT

Claire and Alex enter.

CLAIRE Alex, thank you for walking me up, I appreciate it, but, uh, I can handle things from here, so.

ALEX
(closes the door behind him) I kinda have a morbid fascination to see this thing play out, besides you never know when these things can get really ugly.

CLAIRE Well I'm, uh, pretty confident I can...

A voice from outside her door interrupts them.

ANNA (O.S.) That party was important to me, Francis, and you left! I can't believe you!

FRANCIS (O.S.) Oh please turn down the volume, Anna. This is why the police showed up at the house.

Claire opens the door. Anna, dressed as Tinker Bell, and Francis, dressed as Peter Pan, are there. He's holding their young son, Frankie, who is dressed as one of the Lost Boys.

CLAIRE Hi Anna. Uh, Mr. Barone, it's great to finally meet you. Why don't you come in. I'm Claire Allen.
(referring to their costumes)
That's nice.
(indicating Alex)
This gentleman who is just leaving is...

FRANCIS Alex DeMouy.

ALEX Hey, Congressman. Long time, no see.

There's an awkward silence.

EXT. CHICAGO STREET - JUMP CUT

Jill and Trevor have just left Taggerty's and are now walking up the street. They're enjoying some pixie sticks.

TREVOR So where is Gary, now?

JILL I'm not sure. I had the address, but when I knocked some chick answered the door and said she never heard of him. I must have written it down wrong.

TREVOR So, what're you doin'? Just hoping to bump into him?

She pulls out a bunch of pages torn from a Yellow Pages from her bag.

JILL Well, he's a mechanic.
(hands him the yellow pages)
I'm checking every garage. So, I'll find him.

INT. CLAIRE'S OFFICE - JUMP CUT

Anna and Francis are sitting at either ends of the couch. Claire is sitting across from them.

ANNA So when I couldn't find him anywhere I finally went down to the basement and I caught him red-handed.

CLAIRE With the other woman?

ANNA A woman? No. No, no, no.

FRANCIS I was watching ESPN.

CLAIRE ESPN?

ANNA Yeah.

CLAIRE I'm here at four o'clock in the morning because of ESPN?

ANNA Yeah. He was watching cricket, live from India.

Claire can't believe it.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT THREE

ACT FOUR
FADE IN:

INT. HALLWAY, CLAIRE'S OFFICE - REAL EARLY IN THE MORNING

Alex is looking after Frankie. Frankie is sitting at Jaclyn's desk and Alex is standing across from him. They're just staring at each other. Then Alex makes a funny face and Frankie laughs.

INT. CLAIRE'S OFFICE - JUMP CUT

Anna and Francis are sitting together at the centre of the couch.

CLAIRE Okay, Anna, we're making some real progress here. Now, Francis has agreed to get rid of the satellite dish. Do you think that's an appropriate compromise?

ANNA Yes, I do.

Claire breathes a sigh of relief. Anna and Francis, all lovey-dovey, rub their noses together, affectionately.

EXT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

Naomi and Champ are making out.

NAOMI So, have you worked with Samuel Jackson?

CHAMP
(thinks for a moment) Well, um, I did this audience response commercial for Sphere.

NAOMI
(excited) What was he like?

CHAMP He was cool.

NAOMI
(really excited) Yeah?

They kiss.

CHAMP You are so beautiful.

NAOMI You wanna see my portfolio?

CHAMP
(a little hesitant at first) Okay.

NAOMI Why not, huh?

CHAMP Why not?

They giggle and then kiss.

INT. SLINKY WOMAN'S BEDROOM - JUMP CUT

The bedroom is full of lit candles (very sexy) and there are leopard print sheets on the bed. Slinky Woman and Mike are kissing and walking toward her bed.

MIKE
(between kisses) You got a nice place here.

SLINKY WOMAN
(between kisses) I'll pass that on to my decorator.

They start removing each other's clothes. Jessica undoes his belt and pulls his pants down. Then she throws him onto the bed, jumps on him, pins his arms down, and starts kissing him, all over.

EXT. BUS STOP, CHICAGO STREET - JUMP CUT

Heidi and Nick are sitting on a bench at a bus stop. They're talking.

HEIDI Did she give you any sign, any kind of clue at all, that she was going to do this?

NICK No. Well, she told me a few days before the wedding that she thought camaros were lame. But I thought, I don't know, that she was yanking my chain. So, anyway, I'm standing there in this rented tux, the whole family's there. My brother Carl, he's stationed in Germany, he flew home for it. After a while, you know, it gets pretty obvious what's happening and I could hear my mom and she's just crying. That's just what kills me, my mom crying.

HEIDI So then, what'd you do?

NICK Well, I put a new engine in that camaro, and I promised myself I would never let that happen to me again.

INT. NAOMI'S JACUZZI ROOM - JUMP CUT

There are lit candles around the Jacuzzi (very sexy). Naomi and Champ are in her Jacuzzi, naked and making out real heavy.

NAOMI
(between kisses) I need you to get me something.

CHAMP
(between kisses) Uh-huh.

NAOMI
(between kisses) Over there, on the shelf.

They stop kissing and Champ looks over to the shelf.

CHAMP Huh? Oh. Yeah.

Champ grabs a towel and gets out of the tub.

NAOMI Careful.

Champ goes over to the shelf. There's a bowl of condoms on it.

NAOMI So, while you were working with Samuel Jackson, did he tell you any Quentin Tarantino stories?

CHAMP Well, not really. You're a fan, huh?

NAOMI Well, yeah. Aren't you?

Champ rejoins her in the tub. As he gets in, he slips a little and they both start giggling as they start kissing again.

CHAMP
(kissing her neck) He's directed a couple of things that I've liked.

NAOMI Yeah, but I don't think they give him the credit he deserves as an actor.

Champ stops kissing and looks at her. His expression - "You can't be serious!".

NAOMI He's brilliant, right? I mean, he's done Broadway and everything.

Champ is still looking at her with the same expression.

NAOMI
(stroking his chest) Oh, you think he's good, don't you?

EXT. CHICAGO BACK STREET - EARLY MORNING (JUMP CUT)

Jill and Trevor are walking and talking.

TREVOR So, what do you think your parents are up to now?

JILL They're asleep?

TREVOR I don't think so. I bet they haven't slept since you left.

JILL Well, maybe they should have thought about that before threatening to kill Gary.

TREVOR Oh, yeah. Your father ever bad to you?

JILL No.

TREVOR You got a nice house? You have your own room?

JILL Yeah, I guess.

TREVOR Yeah. Where you sleeping now?

JILL Here and there?

TREVOR Park benches, run away shelters. That's nice.

They look at a couple of prostitutes that they walk by.

TREVOR You know, your buddy Prince was right about one thing, it's gonna get really, really cold here in Chicago.

JILL Well, I'll find Gary before that happens.

TREVOR Yeah. Gary your true love?

JILL Yeah, he is.

TREVOR How long does true love last?

JILL Forever.

TREVOR Yeah? Think it'll last till you graduate?

They turn the corner. They've arrived at a GREYHOUND BUS STATION. Trevor stops by a payphone.

TREVOR You got a quarter?

JILL You're asking me?

INT. HALLWAY, CLAIRE'S OFFICE - JUMP CUT

We can here Frankie and Alex's voices playing. Claire, Anna and Francis exit her office.

ANNA Frankie?

Alex and Frankie are sitting next to a wall, playing shadow puppets. Claire watches them play. Frankie starts giggling when Alex tickles him. A smile grows on her face as she watches Alex playing with the young child. Her cell phone rings. She moves away to answer it.

CLAIRE Hello.

CUT BETWEEN CLAIRE'S HALLWAY AND THE GREYHOUND STATION AS NEEDED

TREVOR Hey, it's me. What're you doing up?

CLAIRE It's five in the morning, Trevor.

TREVOR It's five in the morning, Claire.

CLAIRE So?

TREVOR So, what're you doing up?

Claire doesn't answer. She watches as Francis and Anna thank Alex for watching Frankie.

TREVOR
(on the phone) Claire?

All throughout her conversation with Trevor, Claire hasn't taken her eyes off of Alex.

TREVOR
(on the phone) You gonna show up at Taggerty's later?
(still no answer)
Claire?

CLAIRE I'm a big girl, Trevor. I can take care of myself.

EXT. GREYHOUND STATION - CONTINUOUS

CLAIRE
(on the phone) Goodnight.

She hangs up. Trevor has a puzzled look on his face as he hangs up the phone. Then he puts his arm around Jill and leads her to the station entrance.

JILL So, I guess we didn't end up here by accident.

INT. SLINKY WOMAN'S BEDROOM

Slinky Woman and Mike are lying in bed. By the way Mike's huffing and puffing, you can tell they're at the end of their ride. One of Mike's hands is handcuffed to the bed board.

MIKE ... a pair of D sized batteries, I thought they would've lasted longer than that.

SLINKY WOMAN It's not your fault.

MIKE And you were totally right about the William Tell Overture, I mean I never would have thought...

Mike sees a glowing red light through the jalousie closet door.

MIKE Hey, what's that thing, what's that red light over there?

SLINKY WOMAN
(nonchalant) Oh that, that's the video camera.

The red light starts to move.

MIKE Why is it moving?

SLINKY WOMAN Is it moving? Henry, honey, could you try holding the camera steady.

HENRY
(from within the closet) Sorry love.

Mike slowly realizes what happened, then sits up (SCREEN GOES BLACK) and screams. We hear the sound of a chain breaking through wood, and someone running barefoot.

INT. HALLWAY, CLAIRE'S OFFICE - JUMP CUT

Claire locks up her door. Then she and Alex start walking.

CLAIRE What's tomorrow's paper gonna say?

ALEX Oh, strikes, scandals, Bears need help in the secondary.

CLAIRE Ah. Nothing about...

ALEX No, not unless you put it in your column.

She stops and turns to him.

CLAIRE Alex, can I tell you something. Seeing you, taking care of that child... I don't know, something inside of me melted and I never would have guessed I would have felt like that. It's like I stumbled onto the most basic way to judge a man.

EXT. GREYHOUND STATION - JUMP CUT

Trevor and Jill are in a line that is boarding a bus.

JILL So, who are you calling at this time in the morning?

TREVOR No one important.

JILL Weird, isn't it?

TREVOR What?

JILL How falling in love can completely screw up your entire life.

They reach the head of the line and Jill gives her ticket to the driver.

JILL Well, if you're ever in Urbana there's a custard cone with your name on it.

TREVOR Listen, I told you, my people are more into donuts.

JILL
(smiles) Dude, I know you're not a cop.

She steps onto the bus, then turns around.

JILL Oh, and Gary will wait for me.

She gets in the bus.

TREVOR
(smiles) He will if he's smart.

EXT. CHICAGO RESIDENTIAL AREA - JUMP CUT

Heidi and Nick are walking and talking.

HEIDI You're gonna get pass this someday, you know?

NICK You sure about that?

They've reached her brownstone. They take a seat on her steps.

HEIDI Mmm-hmmm. Same thing happened to me, sort of.

NICK Tell me.

HEIDI This guy said he wanted to marry me and I believed him. Last day I saw him was the day I told him I was two weeks late.

NICK Late for what?

Then he realizes what she means.

HEIDI Turned out to be a false alarm.
(pause)
There aren't many nice guys out there, Nick.

They sit there for a moment.

HEIDI
(smiles) So, you gonna kiss me or what?

He smiles, takes her hand and kisses it. She smiles.

INT. CLUB GOMORRAH'S - JUMP CUT

There are only a few people left in the club. Laurence is still going strong on the dance floor. He's dancing with not one, not two, but three lovely ladies.

DEEJAY (over the speakers) It's six a.m. folks! You can keep dancing but I'm going home!

Laurence, et al, continue to dance.

INT. TAGGERTY'S - JUMP CUT

It looks like some of the single's group accepted Trevor's post-Halloween invite. Champ, Nick and Mike are sitting at the bar. Trevor steps up to them holding a bottle of Crystal.

NICK Oh... look at that.

Trevor presents it to Mike. Trevor, Champ and Nick applaud.

NICK There you go.

MIKE Thank you very much.

When Mike accepts the bottle, he give them a Sammy Sosa salute. We can't help notice the handcuffs still on his wrist.

TREVOR Congratulations. Well played, well played.

MIKE Pleasure doing business with you, gentlemen. Claire should be here. It would make her so proud.

NICK
(to Champ) So? You're in the Jacuzzi. Come on.

CHAMP Nah. I not the kind to kiss and tell.

TREVOR Yeah, but you don't mind telling us that you're buck naked in a hot tub with a supermodel.

CHAMP Yeah well, a man's gotta draw the line somewhere.

NICK You are so the man.

Leslie walks up to the bar.

LESLIE Hey guys, I will see you later and Trevor, thank you for the beverage.

TREVOR No problem, Les.

She heads to the door.

TREVOR
(aside, to Champ) Hey, you didn't pull the trigger, did you?

Trevor can tell by the expression Champ gives him that he didn't.

TREVOR Casual sex is out there, just waiting for you.

CHAMP Maybe, but there's only so far I'll go to get it.

TREVOR
(teasing him a bit) Man, you are a fool. She was luscious.

Leslie is about to exit just as Laurence enters.

LESLIE Hey, Larry!
(chuckles as she looks him over)
Wow, dig that costume. It's cool. Maybe just, you know, a tad corny.

She passes him and head to the door.

LAURENCE My people call it maize-y and the name is Laur...

Laurence stops in mid-sentence when he sees a leopard spotted tail sticking out of Leslie's bag. Leslie just smiles and waves goodbye. He smiles and waves back. Then he joins the others at the bar.

TREVOR There he is.

LAURENCE Hey, fellas. What's happening?

NICK Hey!

CHAMP Hey, kemo sabi!

TREVOR
(pours him his hangover remedy) The straggler.

Mike gives Laurence a high five. Laurence grabs his hand and looks at the handcuffs.

LAURENCE Hey. Hey, what, what is this?

The guys start laughing.

MIKE All right, all right.

TREVOR We haven't heard from the cowboy. Don't hold out on us, what happened?

CHAMP I saw you talking to, what looked like, a woman.

The guys fake sounds of amazement.

NICK The master takes no prisoners, guys.

LAURENCE So, what'd you do? Use that stupid camaro story to seal the deal, huh?

NICK Sure fire.

TREVOR You gonna call this woman?

NICK Nah. Nah.

Trevor looks at him.

NICK She's not my type.

LAURENCE So, FYI guys, "Ladies Night" next weekend. Anybody interested, huh?

NICK No!

MIKE Uh-uh!

CHAMP No way!

TREVOR
(tries to change their minds) No?! Gentlemen...

MIKE
(cutting him off; raises his handcuffed hand) I got handcuffed!

The rest of them laugh, Mike just rests his head on the bar.

TREVOR
(cheerfully) You're ready for anything now. Listen, we get some bail money and everybody wins.

LAURENCE Let's do it guys!

TREVOR Come on! You're in.

EXT. OUTSIDE CLAIRE'S TOWNHOUSE - JUMP CUT

Claire and Alex are walking toward her apartment.

CLAIRE Uh, well, this is me.

Alex leans in and kisses her. She kisses him back.

CLAIRE If anyone asks, we met through mutual friends, okay?

ALEX I have friends.

CLAIRE Yeah, so do I. So, we could have.

They kiss, passionately, again.

CLAIRE Would you like to come in for coffee?

ALEX Just so you know, I'm trying to preserve my chi. I kinda have this tantric...

CLAIRE Very nice, but really, I just wanted to make sure you didn't fall asleep on your drive home.

ALEX Well, since you put it that way... coffee it is.

They enter her apartment.

A few metres away, Trevor appears from behind a tree. He has a puzzled look on his face. He turns and walks away.

FADE TO BLACK

THE END