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TRANSCRIPT:
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[Scene: ME's Office. Lobby. Jordan walks out of the elevator wearing a thick coat with a fluffy hood. Nigel is at the front desk with cups of coffee.]

JORDAN: Oh, Nige, you're a life saver.

(She grabs a cup and drinks from it.)

NIGEL: No, that one's Dr. Macy's.

(JD walks up to Jordan and puts his arm around her.)

JD: Hey, I missed you last night.

JORDAN: Oh, I'm sorry about that. I was on a case and I thought it was too late to call.

JD: Too late to call? This from my 3am heavy breather. I was hoping you'd come by. I had something I wanted to talk to you about.

JORDAN: Oh, that's good. I have something I want to talk to you about too.

JD: Why does your something not sound as good as my something?

JORDAN: Oh, don't get paranoid. I just want to ask you...

(They walk into Jordan's office. Woody is there holding a snow globe.)

WOODY: Littleton Village. Oh, sorry, Pollack. I hope I'm not, uh...

JD: Oh, no worries, mate.

JORDAN: So what's Littleton Village?

WOODY: It's where we're going. Take the 2 out to Templeton, north on the 202 and then jog east on the 12.

JORDAN: Going in this weather?

WOODY: Some yokel cop drew the first murder out there in like a century. He called BPD, I drew the short stick, I called Macy, he drew you.

JORDAN: Ah, glad I took his coffee.

WOODY: Anyhoo, my car's lurching like it just had a corn beef at Corelli's, so I was kind of hoping that maybe you'd be willing to give me a lift.

JORDAN: Sure.

WOODY: What do you say, Pollack? Think there's a story in a small town murder? We can make it a threesome. Figuratively speaking.

JD: As much as I'd love to fight the snow, I've got a hearing to cover.

JORDAN: Oh, can I take a rain check on our chats?

JD: Yeah. I'll let you make it up to me tonight. Ipolita at 8:00?

WOODY: I'd love that.

JORDAN: Ipolita sounds great.

JD: You'll be back in time?

WOODY: I'll bring the siren just in case.

JD: You're a good man, Hoyt. Despite what she says. (Jordan and JD kiss.) I love you.

(JD walks away.)

WOODY: Well, well, well.

[Scene: Littleton Village. Jordan and Woody pull up outside Lucy Carver Inn. Sheriff Davy Correll is on the porch. Jordan and Woody get out of the car.]

DAVY: Sheriff Correll. Call me Davy. I'm the first responding. I got a code 1927D. I put in the 901H call and then I figured I'd better intercourse with BPD so I called in 914.

WOODY: Could you give that to us again in English?

DAVY: A murder inside.

(A man and a woman walk out of the house.)

KARA: Oh, you two are gonna love it here. This place is so...

KEITH: Gory.

(They walk away.)

JORDAN: And that's a good thing?

DAVY: Honeymooners.

(A wolf howls in the distance. Jordan and Woody exchange looks and head for the front door. They walk inside.)

WOODY: Nice place. If you and Pollack ever want to get away.

(An elderly blind man walks up to them.)

MORTON: Take your coats?

DAVY: Oh, this is Morton the caretaker.

MORTON: Hope the eyes don't bother you. Most people see a glass eye say it make 'em queasy.

JORDAN: No, no, it's not.

MORTON: Distractin' I'd imagine. But better than my feet. Only got six toes between 'em. Coats!

(Jordan and Woody quickly take off their coats and hand them to Morton.)

JORDAN: Thanks.

MORTON: Enjoy your stay.

(Morton walks off.)

WOODY: Is it just me or is this place a little odd?

JORDAN: Oh, I don't know. Uh, blind butler, honeymooning couple who loves a good murder. (Davy shows them the next room. Several bodies are laying there, one with a severed head.) I think you failed to mention a few details there, Davy. Uh, this...

(Davy chuckles.)

DAVY: Oh, no. This isn't the crime scene. This is the exhibit.

(Morton comes back.)

MORTON: Lucy Carver Inn. Finest tourist hotel north of Baldwinville.

DAVY: There's your real body.

(They notice a man with a severe head injury on the floor.)

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene: Inn. Jordan is examining the body. Woody is checking out the exhibit. Davy is taking photos of Jordan and the body. Guests are looking on from near by.]

DAVY: Sorry. I'm just trying to learn from the pro. The closest thing we got to a crime spree around here was a rash of vandalism last summer. It was a racoon.

WOODY: Hey, Jordan. Check it out. This guy lost his head.

GUEST #1: They're exact replicas of the rampage. Right down to the broken tea cup.

DAVY: Uh, yeah. Um, the victim is James Rivers from Baltimore, MD. Checked in two weeks ago to soak up the ambience and write a best seller.

JORDAN: Depressed fractures to the skull, probably caused haemorrhage. There are a lot of blows and I'm guessing poor Mr. Rivers here felt every one.

WOODY: I wonder why she did this?

(Frances walks in with tea.)

FRANCES: Because she loved him too much. Albert I mean. Lucy found him in bed with someone else. Esther Moffet, room 5, and she just snapped. She was my great, great grandmother.

WOODY: Why kill the others?

FRANCES: Well, Dudley it seems saw something that he shouldn't have. And poor Officer Kimmel, he just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

JORDAN: What about Mr. Rivers here? Was he just in the wrong place at the wrong time?

FRANCES: Mr. Rivers... helped me in the kitchen. Tea anyone?

[Time lapse. Everyone's drinking tea.]

JORDAN: I'll tell you one thing about Mr. Rivers, he wasn't killed in there. No blood spatter. The body was moved. Uh, do you know anything about our entourage over there?

WOODY: Besides the fact they like to vacation with the dead.

FRANCES: People like the forbidden. (They hear noises.) We have ghosts.

DAVY: Frances has a point. There's no sign of forced entry, the place was locked. So technically, a ghost could have killed Mr. Rivers.

JORDAN: (whispers to Woody) My money's on one of these guys.

[Scene: ME's Office. Trace Evidence. Bug is there with a body. Nigel walks in.]

NIGEL: Do not react. Seriously.

(Lily walks in wearing a dress and with her hair done nicely.)

LILY: Tada. (She twirls.) Any jokes, any smirks, any comments at all, I will hit you.

NIGEL: Our Lily has a date.

LILY: It's not a date. It's the opera. Jeffrey and I are going to the opera.

NIGEL: Madame Butterfly.

BUG: Jeffrey?

NIGEL: Brandau. The pipsqueak ADA.

BUG: You dressed up for him?

LILY: I called next of kin from the social you found on him. Turns out that Preston Davis here isn't Preston Davis at all. Unless he died six years ago in Utah and is 76.

NIGEL: Well, he's not exactly the Preston Davis type, is he? There's a steep black market in social security numbers. Illegals use them to get jobs, bank accounts. (Bug stares at Lily.) So what happened to the bloke? (Nigel nudges Bug.) What happened?

BUG: Uh, stab wound to the back of the neck. B. U. Rower found him floating in the Charles. You know, you look, um...

LILY: If there's a punch line to that, stifle it.

(Lily heads for the door.)

BUG: No...

(A woman walks in.)

WOMAN: My husband, he didn't come home. And I checked all the hospitals and they told me that I...

(She looks over at the body.)

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: ME's Office. Bug, Lily and the woman is there.]

WOMAN: Jose and I, that's his name, we came to this country after my son was born. Jose, he speak out against the wrong people, and we couldn't risk my son.

LILY: You did the right thing for him.

WOMAN: My mother, she died two days ago. And we had to get Joselito here but that cost much.

BUG: Because he has no visa.

WOMAN: I should go.

LILY: We're here to help, Mrs. Alvarez. No one's looking into why you're here or how you got here.

BUG: We just want to find out who hurt your husband.

MRS. ALVAREZ: There was a man at the bank. Jose thought that he could help us get the money. Mr. Raleigh. Jose went to go see Mr. Raleigh

[Scene: Lucy Carver Inn. Jordan, Woody, and Davy are interviewing the guests.]

WOODY: So you're in your room at the time of the murder?

KEITH: In bed.

KARA: I'm not sure I would've heard anything. We were... (laughs)

GUEST #1: I was taking a bath.

JORDAN: At three in the morning?

GUEST #2: It was my son's idea.

KID: Can I go to the morgue sometime?

FRANCES: It's such a happy place.

DAVY: Just the facts, please.

GUEST #2: The fact is... my son scares me.

KID: 'Cause I like to touch blood.

KARA: Wow.

GUEST #1: I was still in the bath.

WOODY: Did you kill him?

KEITH: No.

KARA: No.

GUEST #1: No.

GUEST #2: Absolutely not.

KID: No.

FRANCES: Are you really asking me that?

(Woody sighs.)

WOODY: We got nothing. No one saw anything.

JORDAN: And if we believe their stories, they all alibi out.

DAVY: Except Morton. Since he found the body.

WOODY: The blind guy with no toes?

DAVY: Actually, he's got six. And I told him to be here.

JORDAN: So where is he?

 [Time lapse. Barn. It's dark inside. Woody and Frances walk in.]

WOODY: Morton? Morton?

FRANCES: Hard to find sometimes. He wanders.

WOODY: He always finds his way back?

FRANCES: He knows this place better than anyone. He's been here his whole life. One thing you should know about Morton, he believes that Lucy is still alive.

WOODY: Lucy as in the ghost?

FRANCES: Yeah. So when he says that a thump-drag-thump led him to the body, it's hard to know what's real and what's his scotch talking.

WOODY: This is cute.

FRANCES: Authentic hearse. We'll put the bodies in there, come Halloween, it should be fine.

WOODY: Okay, well, blind or not, Morton's the one who found the body. He has no alibi and when it came time to be questioned, he bolted. So... Morton?

[Scene: Police Station. Bug and Matt are there.]

MATT: That's a new one on me. They kill you when you try to make a withdrawal.

BUG: Just ask him.

(Bug hands him a file. They walk into an office. Mr. Raleigh is there.)

MR. RALEIGH: (on phone) I don't care. Get it done, Bobby.

(He hangs up.)

MATT: Mr. Raleigh, thanks for coming down. I'm Detective Seely.

MR. RALEIGH: I understand there's some dead customer I was supposed to have met with yesterday? (Matt holds up a photo.) Nope.

BUG: Really? Because his widow was quite sure it was you who he met with.

MR. RALEIGH: Do you know what we do at a bank? We keep money. Lots and lots of people's money. Sure, he may have come in. Lots of people come in.

MATT: Just look at the picture, sir.

MR. RALEIGH: Nope. Now, if that's all.

MATT: Actually, banks being what they are, places where you keep lots and lots of money, you also have security cameras. I'd appreciate it if you let me take a look at the videos from yesterday.

MR. RALEIGH: Freaky thing. Whoever was in charge of resetting the machines last night, forgot to change the tapes. Yesterday's tapes got taped over. I know. It really upset me too. Surveillance tapes can be invaluable. I hope I've been helpful.

(Mr. Raleigh leaves.)

[Scene: Lucy Carver Inn. Hallway. Jordan is spraying the carpet and finds a blood stain leading to a door.]

JORDAN: Rivers' room. He may have been dragged from here.

DAVY: The killer dragged him up the landing, down the stairs, and all the way into the parlor. I mean, why didn't he just take him right out the front door? (Kara and Keith walk in.) Bury him in the snow, he wouldn't have been found till the spring thaw.

(Keith takes a photo of Jordan and Davy.)

JORDAN: Hey, kids, this isn't a show.

KEITH: Oh, no problem. (He takes another photo.) I hope we weren't too...

KARA: Loud in there.

(Kara and Keith laugh. They hear a noise. They laugh again. Jordan and Davy walk into Rivers' room. There's an old fashioned couch with an axe sticking out of it and fake blood.)

JORDAN: Let me guess.

DAVY: Decoration.

(Jordan sprays the couch.)

JORDAN: But this isn't. This is a crime scene.

(Woody walks in.)

WOODY: Guess that explains the thump-drag-thump that Morton heard. Not a ghost, but a body being dragged down the stairs.

(Jordan looks at Rivers' luggage.)

DAVY: Or a ghost carrying the body down the stairs.

JORDAN: What kind of ghost steals luggage tags? No wallet, no phone, no ID. All MIA.

WOODY: Someone does not want us to know who Mr. Rivers really is.

(Jordan dials her cell.)

JORDAN: Hey, Nige? Nige, can you hear me? Look, uh, Mr. Rivers' body is coming to the morgue. Just run it for prints, do whatever you can...

(They hear a woman scream.)

[Cut to outside. Kara and Keith are there standing near a dead Morton who is laying in the snow. Kara is screaming. Jordan, Woody, Davy and all the guests run outside. They exchange looks.]

[Time lapse. The guests are back inside. Jordan and Frances walk in.]

FRANCES: Morton's like family. I can't... I'm sorry.

(She walks away. Guest #2 and the kid walk up to Jordan.)

GUEST #2: I hate to bother you.

JORDAN: Oh, no, that's okay. I know you must be scared.

GUEST #2: Well, actually, he wants to know if he can touch the body.

JORDAN: No. (They walk away. Woody walks in.) Someone did not want him talking to us.

WOODY: Question is, is it one of them? Or maybe Morton's right, maybe it is Lucy's ghost.

(Davy walks in.)

DAVY: No one's going anywhere. The road down the mountain's closed. Snowed in. Happens every year. No way in or out. Man, how exciting is this?

FRANCES: Then you two will be spending the night. Of course, we only have one room available. I hope that's not a problem.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: ME's Office. Autopsy. Bug is there with Jose's body. Lily walks in holding a big jar.]

BUG: The body has defensive wounds and Raleigh had a bandage on his hand. A thousand bucks says he got it from killing Mr. Alvarez.

LILY: You think he did it at the bank?

BUG: Why else would he erase the tapes? The only thing I can't figure, TOD is around noon. Middle of the day. How did Raleigh get the body out without being seen?

LILY: Why didn't you search the bank?

BUG: Seely's trying to get a warrant from the DA's office. But the truth is we don't have a shred of physical evidence to get one. (He sits at a computer.) Someone cleaned the body and I doubt this is gonna help. (Lily leans over Bug's shoulder to view the computer.) Um, metal weapon. It could be anything. Uh, small, um, letter opener or, um... Hey, is that new perfume?

(Jeffrey walks in.)

JEFFREY: Lily. Oh, you look, uh... wow.

LILY: Oh, this? It's just... Hey, would you like to make a donation? It's the saddest story. It's political refugees. They...

JEFFREY: Oh, Noemi Alavarez.

BUG: You know her?

JEFFREY: Detective Seely called looking to get a search warrant. And, um, I heard that you were involved and I figured we could work together.

LILY: That's wonderful. Maybe you could help us nail the banker that did this.

JEFFREY: Yeah, I'd like nothing better... if he did it. Though I have to say, it's Mrs. Alvarez's story that has holes in it.

LILY: Wait a minute, she's the victim here.

JEFFREY: Well, technically her husband's the victim. Though, truth be told, it does look like they're both illegal, so... Well, any event, she's gonna have to answer some hard questions.

LILY: If you start pulling her in, you know what's gonna happen. She'll be deported.

JEFFREY: Well, she's here illegally. Um... the opera's starting soon, so maybe we should...

LILY: Maybe we shouldn't.

JEFFREY: It's just business, Lily.

LILY: Not to me.

(Lily storms out.)

[Scene: Lucy Carver Inn. Bedroom. Jordan and Woody are standing on either side of the bed. They both look uncomfortable.]

WOODY: Why don't you take it.

JORDAN: Oh, that's okay, no, I-I'll be fine on the couch.

(They look over at the couch with an axe sticking out of it and a blood stain.)

WOODY: That is not a couch. It's a, uh... Come on, let's just share the bed. It's not like we're getting totally naked. It's like -20 in here.

JORDAN: You're right. You know, at least we'll both get some sleep. (They take off their long-sleeved shirts.) So you think the body's gonna be okay out in that tent?

WOODY: With Davy Crocket watching the door with a twelve gauge? Nobody's getting past him. (Jordan gets in the left side of the bed.) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

JORDAN: Ah, what? I...

WOODY: That's my side of the bed.

JORDAN: Oh, it is?

WOODY: Um, yeah, I, uh, I always sleep on the left.

JORDAN: Okay, fine. If you're gonna be picky about it.

(She moves over.)

WOODY: Thanks. (He climbs over her to get to the left side. She groans.) Sorry. (They get under the blanket.) You really don't have a side of the bed?

JORDAN: No, no, actually, you know what? I've never even thought about it, so...

WOODY: What kind of person doesn't have a side of the bed? (She gives him a look. They hear a thump coming from the next room. Woody pulls out his gun. They then hear bed springs and a man and a woman's voice. Sounds like the newlyweds are going at it. Jordan smacks Woody's hand and he hides the gun. They chuckle at the noise.) So how are things with you and Pollack?

[Scene: ME's Office. Jordan's Office. JD is sitting on the couch reading a book. Nigel walks in.]

NIGEL: Hey, what are you... Oh. What are you doing here?

JD: Waiting for Cavanaugh.

NIGEL: It's gonna be a long wait. They're snowed in.

JD: Snowed in?

NIGEL: Don't worry, they got a hotel in a nice...

JD: Oh, great. With the guy she used to date.

NIGEL: I thought things were good between you two?

JD: So did I. Um, look, I mean, you know her. What do you think? About us?

[Cut to the Inn.]

JORDAN: I just feel like maybe we're moving a little too fast. And he's a great guy, don't get me wrong. It's been a lot of fun and, you know, it's nice feeling like a woman. You know what I mean?

WOODY: Is that a rhetorical question?

[Cut to Jordan's Office.]

NIGEL: It's not what I think. Pollack, it's what you think. What do you feel?

[Cut to the Inn.]

JORDAN: But it just feels like something's...

WOODY: Missing?

JORDAN: I don't know. Maybe. You know, he's smart and...

[Cut to Jordan's Office.]

JD: She's infuriating.

[Cut to the Inn.]

JORDAN: And he's funny, and...

[Cut to Jordan's Office.]

JD: And then she makes me laugh.

NIGEL: Mm.

JD: The sex is great. I mean, sometimes...

NIGEL: Yeah, too much information there, mate.

JD: Right.

[Cut to the Inn.]

JORDAN: I don't know.

[Cut to Jordan's Office.]

NIGEL: You still haven't answered the question. How do you feel?

[Cut to the Inn.]

WOODY: You asking for my opinion?

JORDAN: Yeah.

WOODY: For real? Because, uh, let's face it, Jordan, the last few months for you and I have been a little... weird, and I don't want to...

JORDAN: No, I want your opinion.

WOODY: I think you already know. I think we always know what we want. Deep down, not what we say we want, but what we really want. But then again, what do I know?

JORDAN: No, no, I think you're right. I think you're exactly right. When did you get so smart?

[Cut to Jordan's Office.]

NIGEL: Well, call me a romantic but I figure that if you can't imagine your life without that someone in it, if every day would be diminished if you weren't with her, then you'll know. Then you won't have to ask a pommy bastard like me.

[Scene: Lucy Carver Inn. Bedroom. Jordan and Woody are asleep. Kara lets out a little scream from the other room. Jordan and Woody wake up.]

WOODY: They're at it again.

JORDAN: Ohh, to be young and in love. (They hear more screams.) That wasn't come from next door.

WOODY: It wasn't that kind of scream.

(Jordan gets out of bed and looks out the window.)

JORDAN: Someone's out in the tent.

WOODY: I don't suppose a gun's going to help us if this is a ghost.

JORDAN: It's no ghost.

(Jordan and Woody go outside. They look in the tent and Kara and Keith are there.)

WOODY: Hey!

(Kara is holding one of Morton's glass eyes.)

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: Lucy Carver Inn. The guests and Davy are up.]

DAVY: Come on, everyone. Let's go. Nothing to see here. Let's move in here.

(Jordan, Woody, Kara and Keith walk inside.)

WOODY: You two, in there. Sit.

DAVY: Hey, how come you two didn't wake me...

JORDAN: Not the time, Davy. (Jordan has Kara and Keith's camera.) A picture tells a thousand words. Found this next to the body.

WOODY: You slaughtered two people and you wanted pictures?

KARA: No. It's just...

WOODY: Oh, Kara, please, please talk fast. I'm itching to read you your rights.

KARA: No, no, it was a honeymoon present for Keith. I've never had my picture taken with a real live dead person.

WOODY: You had Morton's glass eye. You wanted another piece of him.

KEITH: She found it in the snow. It's just, we needed a souvenir.

KARA: Doing a honeymoon tour of famous murder scenes. Lizzie Border Inn, the Black Killing Fields.

(Jordan's phone rings.)

JORDAN: Oh, god. (She answers it.) Hey, Nige? What are you doing up?

NIGEL: I've been trying to call you for hours. Fascinating bloke, your James Rivers. I ran those prints like you asked.

(The phone crackles.)

JORDAN: The abridged version, please, before I lose you.

NIGEL: Okay, the address he gave the hotel does not exist. I repeat, it does not exist. He doesn't even exist. At least, not as James Rivers.

JORDAN: Not who he isn't, who he is.

NIGEL: James Larremy. No priors. But here's the fascinating stuff. He was born in Littleton Village, where you are right now. So why does a man return to his home town under an alias and end up getting himself killed?

JORDAN: Thanks, Nige.

NIGEL: Hello?

(She hangs up.)

[Scene: Police Station. Room. Jeffrey and Noemi are there.]

NOEMI: When you come to this country, you can not work. Not for real wages. You can not get a job unless you are legal. And you can not get legal unless you have a job.

JEFFREY: Unless you can find an ID.

NOEMI: Someone told us that Mr. Raleigh could help. If you pay him a lot of money, he makes it so that you can work.

JEFFREY: And he does this for a lot of people?

NOEMI: He takes you to his safety deposit room. It's private. No cameras. He promised that the social security cards were real. That we could use them to get jobs, to open an account, to get credit. But first we had to pay $5000 but we didn't have the money, so he did us a favour. He said that he would take the rest out of our deposits. 25% of all the money that we put into the account. All we wanted to do was bring my son here.

JEFFREY: Mrs. Alvarez, I can help find your husband's killer but you're here illegally and I think you need to realise that, um...

(Bug walks in.)

BUG: You want evidence? I've got evidence.

[Time lapse. Bug, Lily and Jeffrey are in the next room. Bug shows them a photo.]

BUG: It's from his lower back. BEST. It was buried in the tattoo but it's a lavidity depression. Which means it's from wherever Raleigh stashed him after the murder.

JEFFREY: Which could be anywhere.

BUG: We know that Raleigh erased the tapes which puts the crime at the bank.

LILY: Probably in the safety deposit room. Were you listening to her, Jeffrey? She lost everything. She can't go home.

JEFFREY: You don't pick and choose which laws to uphold.

BUG: Of course you do. That's what DA's do. You have get the feds involved. You hand them this, they owe you a big chit. That's how it works, isn't it, Jeffrey. That's why Seely wasn't invited to your little inquest.

LILY: We want that warrant.

[Scene: Lucy Carver Inn. Woody and Davy are taking Kara and Keith outside who are handcuffed.]

WOODY: Are you sure the Hall of Records will be open?

DAVY: Yeah, I have a key. Don't you love how exciting this is? I mean, James Rivers really isn't James Rivers, he's James Larremy. (Woody opens the car door.) Nobody really knows who Larremy is. (Kara and Keith get in the car.) You know, if we find that out, we might actually find a motive for...

WOODY: Easy now, Colombo. Let's just get going. Are you sure your jeep is gonna make it through this?

[Time lapse. Middle of a road somewhere. They have the hood up on the jeep. Woody is trying to start the car.]

WOODY: Perfect!

DAVY: Look on the bright side.

WOODY: There is no bright side.

(Davy picks up the radio.)

DAVY: Breaker, breaker, this is Sheriff Davy. You got a 20 on Big Al? We need a tow.

WOODY: I'll see what I can do.

(Woody gets out of the car and walks to the front. He slips over. He gets up and bangs on the car in frustration.)

[Scene: Bank. Safety Deposit Room. Bug and Matt are there. Bug is shining a UV light on the deposit box wall.]

BUG: There's nothing in here that looks like it could match that lavidity mark. It's all too clean.

MATT: Still doesn't make sense. I mean, even if Raleigh cleans the room, how did he get the body out of here without being seen? (He walks over to a broken picture frame on the wall.) Bug, it's cracked.

(Matt removes the picture from a large hook holding it up.)

BUG: It matches the murder weapon.

MATT: All right. Alvarez is desperate to get money to bring his son. When Raleigh says no he gets upset. It escalates into a fight, the picture falls, and Raleigh slams him against the hook.

(Bug sprays the hook.)

BUG: Damn it. He cleaned that too.

(Mr. Raleigh walks in holding two cups.)

MR. RALEIGH: I thought you could use a refreshment.

MATT: Search warrant gave access to your accounts. Your name appears on 212 of them, open for dead people.

MR. RALEIGH: I'm the manager. My name appears on thousands of accounts. It doesn't mean I control who sets them up. You're talking about people who use these stolen social security numbers to defraud the bank. To take jobs away from Americans. The bank is the victim here.

BUG: You son of a bitch!

(Bug pushes Mr. Raleigh and he drops the cups.)

MR. RALEIGH: It's a shame about the coffee. I'll get someone from the cleaning staff to get that up. They're quite good.

[Scene: Lucy Carver Inn. Tent. Jordan is examining Morton's body. Frances walks in.]

FRANCES: You live around death for so long, it was an instinct to be numb to this type of tragedy. But it's horrible. Do you think the honeymooners killed him?

JORDAN: Well, there's no prints around his eye socket, which supports the story that Kara found the prosthetic eye in the snow. And there's none of their trace on his body.

FRANCES: So they're telling the truth. I thought they were such nice people. So in love, don't you think?

JORDAN: Oodles. This doesn't make any sense though.

FRANCES: What is it?

JORDAN: There's no haemorrhaging inside the wound. It's post mortem. It wasn't cause of death. (Jordan picks up Morton's flask.) Cyanide.

FRANCES: In the flask? Poison?

JORDAN: Why? What?

FRANCES: Davy gave him that flask. He gave it to him right before you and the detective got here. (Jordan rushes off.) I hope your friend's okay!

[Scene: Middle of the road somewhere. Kara and Keith are asleep in the back of the car. Woody is trying to fix the engine. Davy is standing near by behind Woody.]

WOODY: I think it's the radiator hose. It's either cracked or somebody cut it.

(Davy raises his shotgun and points it at Woody.)

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: Middle of the road. Continued from before.]

WOODY: Damn, it won't move. Hey, do you have a screwdriver?

(Davy fires his gun. Woody nearly has a heart attack. Kara and Keith scream from inside the car.)

DAVY: It's okay, everything's fine. We got it under control. Wolf over there eyeing you. Nasty buggers this time of the year. Especially when they haven't eaten. Gun shot must've scared him off.

WOODY: How about a little warning next time, Rambo. Radiator hose is busted. May have even been cut.

DAVY: Who could've done that?

[Cut to Lucy Carver Inn. A guest is in the living room reading. Jordan walks in.]

JORDAN: Hey. My car won't start. Is there a phone that I can use?

(He points to a phone near by. Jordan picks it up and there's no dial tone. She notices a photo of the living room murders and compares it to the props.)

[Scene: ME's Office. Bug is there looking at a floor plan of the bank. Lily walks in.]

LILY: Hey. Any luck?

BUG: Seely searched Raleigh's house, his cars, even the boat he keeps at the marina.

LILY: Nothing?

BUG: It just doesn't make any sense. Mr. Alvarez couldn't fit inside a safety deposit box. There's no way that Raleigh could make the body vanish.

LILY: Where's the safety deposit box room?

BUG: It's right here. They just don't label it. They don't want people getting a hold of the blue prints and figuring out how to break in.

LILY: That's one big room. That's like at least the size of this room.

BUG: You are brilliant, I am so stupid. The safety deposit box is less than half this size.

LILY: So what's in the rest of that space?

[Scene: Middle of the road somewhere. Big Al's truck pulls up behind the jeep. A woman gets out.]

AL: One of you boys call for some service?

[Time lapse. Al is tinkering with the engine.]

AL: (to Woody) Nice cologne you got on there, Detective. Like a young buck.

WOODY: So, you've lived here your whole life?

AL: Except the year I spent in Vegas. I had dreams of being a showgirl.

WOODY: Um, can I run a name by you, Big Al?

AL: Oh, you can call me Alice.

(She winks at him.)

WOODY: Okay, Alice. Do you know a James Larremy?

AL: Lots of Larremy's. No James. No, wait. I think Bill Larremy had a younger brother, Jimmy. Family moved away about 20 years ago. After Bill did what he did.

DAVY: What did he did?

AL: Left his fiance at the altar. Wedding was a huge event. I remember I ordered this dress over at Korvets. Fancy, floral design. I love flowers. Whole town showed up except the groom. Poor Frances.

WOODY: Frances? Frances Murphy?

AL: Poor girl. I don't think she ever got over it. Good thing Bill never showed his yellow keister in this town again. Of course mum always said, Larremy didn't leave. Frances found him and... (Makes throat cutting noise.) They say it runs in the Carver family.

WOODY: Excuse me a second.

(Woody dials his cell.)

[Cut to Lucy Carver Inn. Jordan is there. Her cell phone rings and she answers it.]

JORDAN: Woody.

JD: Sorry to disappoint you.

JORDAN: Hey. Uh, I was just trying to call you but this storm is...

JD: Yeah, I heard. Stranded at a romantic bed and breakfast with Woody, ay?

JORDAN: Nothing says romance like blood-stained furniture and severed heads.

JD: Roads open yet? When are you coming home?

(Jordan drags a statue along the floor.)

JORDAN: I don't know.

JD: Are you okay?

JORDAN: Yeah, I'm... It's just that this crime scene is supposed to be exactly the same as it was and I... (She looks at the cupboard behind the statue.) I can't talk now. Can I call you back?

JD: Wait, Jordan.

(She hangs up. She pushes the cupboard along and finds a door. She opens the door and inside a tiny room is a skeleton in a suit, sitting on a chair. Frances walks up behind Jordan and points a gun. She cocks the gun and Jordan turns around.)

FRANCES: You found Bill. I couldn't let him leave me.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: Lucy Carver Inn. Outside the barn. Frances has her gun pointed at Jordan.]

FRANCES: Believe me when I say I'm very sorry.

JORDAN: I'm touched.

FRANCES: Life takes unexpected turns, doesn't it? I never thought I'd spend my life here running this place.

(They go into the barn.)

JORDAN: What'd you think you'd be doing?

FRANCES: Living with Bill. Raising a family. He was gonna buy us a farm in Missouri but then...

JORDAN: He changed his mind?

FRANCES: And that's not right. There's one person for everyone in the world, don't you think? And Bill was mine. See, I knew that from the moment I met him. He made me feel, well... I couldn't imagine my life without him. You know what I mean?

JORDAN: There's no way you'll get away with this, Frances.

FRANCES: Well, that's what Bill's brother thought. Pretending to be a guest, writing a novel. He just wanted to dig around. And then he found Bill.

JORDAN: They'll find out it's you.

FRANCES: This gun, it's Davy's. And I made sure that Morton's flask had his prints on it too. And everyone knows that he's been dying to solve a big case, so they'll find you and they'll put it all together and they'll think he just got carried away.

JORDAN: I guess you got it all figured out? A hearse. A coroner in a hearse. Nice touch.

[Cut to inside the Inn. Woody barges through the front door.]

WOODY: Jordan! Jordan, are you here? Jordan!

(He goes into the living room and sees Bill's skeleton.)

[Cut to the Barn.]

FRANCES: Get in. Please don't make me ask you again.

JORDAN: Or what? Are you gonna kill me twice? (She reaches in the hearse and grabs a bone from the skeleton laying there.) If they're gonna make this easy on you, what are you gonna do?

WOODY'S VOICE: Jordan!

(Jordan hits Frances with the bone. She slams her against the wall and knocks the gun out of her hand. Frances slams Jordan against the wall and reaches down to grab the gun. Jordan kicks her in the stomach and she falls to the ground. Jordan grabs something and hits her in the face. Woody and Davy run in.)

WOODY: Are you okay?

JORDAN: Yeah, you missed all the fun.

DAVY: I can arrest her now, right? I mean, it's okay if I take her in?

WOODY: Book her.

[Scene: Police Station. Bug, Matt and Mr. Raleigh is walking through the corridor.]

MR. RALEIGH: This is bordering on harassment now.

BUG: You know what had us stumped? We thought there was no way out.

MR. RALEIGH: I don't know what you're talking about.

MATT: We're talking about the vault. Which is hidden behind a wall in your safety deposit box room.

BUG: Nice security feature. And a good place to stash a body.

MR. RALEIGH: Nice theory. 

MATT: Not theory, fact.

BUG: Mr. Alvarez got this mark from laying on the floor of your vault for 12 hours and 15 minutes after you killed him. Your vault, which is constructed by Combe steel. BEST.

MR. RALEIGH: Maybe someone put him in there? But not me.

BUG: You made a mistake, Raleigh. You know, you should pay better attention when they give you the lecture on how your vault works. Time of death was around noon. At 12:09pm, guess who punched in their own individual code to open the vault?

MATT: The same person who punched his code in again at 1:24am the next morning... and removed a body.

MR. RALEIGH: I wanna call my lawyer now. 

BUG: It better be an expensive one.

MATT: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

[Scene: ME's Office. Lily's in her office. Bug walks in.]

BUG: I gave Brandau enough evidence so Raleigh will cop a plea and there won't be a trial.

LILY: Ohh!

BUG: No reason for Mrs. Alvarez to be exposed.

LILY: Bug, thank you!

(She hugs him.)

BUG: No big deal, Lily.

(Jeffrey walks in.)

JEFFREY: Ah, don't sell yourself short. You did a great job.

LILY: What are you doing here?

JEFFREY: Well, I get Raleigh and you get... (He hands Lily some papers.) Have Mrs. Alvarez fill it out. She wants a green card, that's step one. I mean, we have to be sure that she's legal if her son's gonna be here. Plane's due to leave Guatemala city first thing tomorrow morning.

LILY: Jeffrey, how did you...?

JEFFREY: I got a friend in immigration. He owed me a really big chit.

LILY: Oh, Jeffrey! (She kisses and hugs him. Bug leaves the room.) Thanks, Jeffrey.

[Scene: ME's Office. Jordan's Office. JD is sitting on the couch. Nigel walks in.]

NIGEL: Still not back yet?

JD: Nope, no word.

NIGEL: Probably still snowed in.

JD: Yeah, could be.

(Nigel notices JD holding a ring box.)

NIGEL: Is that what I think it is?

JD: Look, not a word about this to anyone. You've got to promise me.

NIGEL: Yeah, yeah, my word is gold.

JD: So's this. (He shows Nigel the ring.) Plus the little diamond there. I figure I'd... I didn't want anymore days diminished. What do you think my chances are?

[Scene: Lucy Carver Inn. Bedroom. Woody is sitting on the bed sniffing a liquid in a jar. Jordan walks in carrying a paper bag.]

WOODY: Hey. Uh, any news if the road home might be open yet?

JORDAN: No. Looks like we're snowbound. (She sits on the bed and pulls items out of the bag.) Candy eyeballs. Saltwater taffy.

WOODY: Ahh.

JORDAN: And noose cookies.

WOODY: Yeah, how about a liquid dinner. Davy gave it to us as a thank you gift.

(He hands her the jar.)

JORDAN: Moonshine? (She takes a sip and pulls a face.) Ugh. It grows on you. Yeah.

(She hands the jar back.)

WOODY: I gotta say, Jordan, it's, uh, it's nice to be us again. Past all that.

JORDAN: The fighting, anger. Yeah.

WOODY: We did good on this. I miss that.

JORDAN: Yeah, me too. Except for the almost dying part.

WOODY: Yeah, except for that.

(They hug. They look at each other and kiss. Still kissing, they lay down on the bed.)

END