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TRANSCRIPT:
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Police and news vans surround a sporting goods store.  Fearless is speaking on an open mike to the  people inside the store.

Fearless:   This is the Los Angeles Police Department.  You have not responded to our calls for the last 90 minutes.  We need to know about the condition of the employees, including Mary Claire Rogers.  If we do not hear from you in the next five minutes, we will be forced to come in and we will come in strong.  Five minutes!

Joel:   What do you think?

Fearless:   I think if they don't respond, they're going to have more holes in that turkey up there. (On the roof of the building is an inflatable turkey that has collapsed.)

Ray, explaining the situation to Captain Ron Hicks:  We rolled on a 211.  We got here just as they were coming out, shots fired and they got back in.

Captain:   Who shot the turkey?

Ray looks at Tom and shrugs.

Joel:  He's coming out.

One of the robbers (Spath) brings a hostage (Les Van Buren) out with a gun pointed at his throat.

Robber:  Stay back!  Stay back or I'll kill him!

Joel:  I got your back.

Fearless:  You always do, baby.

Robber:  There's plenty more where he came from.  Stay back!

Fearless whistles to get the man's attention.  Then walks forward with his hands up:  Can we talk?  I'm Detective Bobby Smith.

Robber:  Stop right there.  Hands higher.  Higher!

Fearless raises his hands higher:  Do you want  to give me your name?

Robber:  Eat me.  That's my name.

Fearless:  Look, man, we want this whole thing to end peacefully.  All right?  Give up now and I guarantee things will go a whole lot easier.

Robber:  I want a van - big enough for six - food and water, two bulletproof vests.  I'm going to take four hostages to Mexico. When I know we're safe, then I'll let 'em go.

Hostage (Van Buren):   Just do what he says.

Robber:  Shut up!

Fearless:  I'll do everything that I can.  But I got to do my job, which is find out about hostages and casualties.

Robber:  A woman got shot.

Fearless:  Is she alive?

Robber:  Bleeding.

Fearless:  How about you let her out?  Cause you don't want a murder...

Robber:  No one leaves till I get a van!

Fearless:  Look, man, you've been around the block a few times, right?  If the lady dies, your negotiating position takes a serious nose-dive.

Robber:  Bring in a doctor with two bulletproof vests and some food.  Burger and fries.

Fearless:  We prefer not to put anyone else inside.

Robber:  I don't give a damn.  If you don't have my van here in 30 minutes, I'll start dropping bodies out the door.  You got that?

He and the hostage go back inside.

 

MARY CLAIRE ROGERS

Flashback to earlier in the day, inside Moe's Sports Village.

Les Van Buren:  Everybody!  Can I have you gather round, please, guys?  Everyone over here, please, gather round.

As the employees surround him, Les:  I'm happy to announce that we have survived the Thanksgiving weekend ramapage.  Holidays are a joyous occasion if you're not in retail.  So, far us, tis the season to be grumpy.  So...you guys are great - you're a great crew and I just want to say 'thank you so much'.  Manny...Mary Claire...Stacy, you guys know who you are.  I just want to say thank you very much and offer you a bit of nectar and ambrosia.

Everyone claps as he opens the bottle of champagne.

Les:   Okay, who's got the Dixie cups?

Mary Claire whispers to another woman:  I gotta pee.  (She leaves the room as the champagne is being poured.)

When she returns, she sees two men (Flood and Spath), carrying guns, enter the store.

Spath:   All right, everyone.  Show me your hands.  Get on the ground and you won't get shot.

Mary Claire ducks down behind a counter.

The employees raise their hands and kneel on the floor.

Spath:   This is a robbery.  Everyone stay calm.  Who's the manager?

Les:   I am.

Spath:   My friend is going to go in the office and take the money.  If you try anything stupid, I'll kill your people one by one. You got it?

Les:   Yes, sir.

Spath:   Relax, now.

One woman is petrified.  She simply stands there.

Other Robber (Flood):   What's the matter with you?  You heard what he said - down on your knees!

Les:  It's okay.

Flood:  What's the matter with you?  Get down on your knees!

Les:   It's okay.  Just do what he says.  Do what he says.

Flood:  You keep your people in line or I'll splatter the walls with their blood, you understand?

Spath:   It'll all be over in just a minute, now.  Everybody, relax.  Just sit down if that makes you more comfortable.

Mary Claire quietly opens the door leading to the back of the building.  She hurries down a hallway to the office.  She tries to leave the building through the back door, but it's chained shut.  She grabs the telephone and dials.

Voice on phone:  911 Emergency.

Mary Claire:   I want to report a robbery.

Voice:   What's your location, please?

Mary Claire:   Moe's Sports Village, 2135 W. Peco.

Voice:   And your name?

Mary Claire:   Mary Claire Rogers, Accounts Receivable.

Voice:   Can you tell me what happened?

(On the wall, behind Mary Claire, there is a row of monitors for the store's security cameras.  One screen shows Flood heading toward the back of the store.)

Mary Claire:   Two men came in.  They have guns.  They told everybody to lie down.  I had to pee.  I was in the back.

Voice:  Where are you, now, Mary Claire?

Mary Claire:   In the office.

Voice:   Okay, I put a word out on the system.  There's a patrol car three blocks away.  Just stay safe and lock the door.

Mary Claire:   Okay.

She puts the phone down and walks over to the door.  As she reaches out to turn the lock, the door bursts open and knocks her to the floor.

Flood points his gun at her.

Mary Claire:   Ohhhh...Oh, God!

Flood:   Son of a bitch.

He shoots her in the leg.

 

FEARLESS

Joel on cell phone:  Kids spill cereal.  It's not...yes, I understand, but it's not the end of the world.

He hangs up the phone as Fearless walks up.

Fearless:  Everything okay?

Joel mutters:   A bowl of cheerios...

Fearless:   This fool wants to go to Mexico.

Joel:   Yeah, these jokers with their wild fantasies about going across the border to Mexico.  I wish they'd realize the Mexicans don't appreciate these fantasies.

Fearless:   Yeah!

A group of policemen gather around a blueprint of the store.

Fearless:  All right, listen up.  When I said he'd done time, he nodded his head.  I'm guessing he's got strikes, he's not going to go easily.

Ray:  I got an I.D. for the hostage - Les Van Buren.  I think he's the store manager.

Fearless:   Notify Media Relations.  They'll contact his family.

Tom:   I'm on it.

Ray:   It's Les Van Buren.  He was the star of this TV show - "Insured by Smith and Wesson".

Fearless:   Never heard of it, Ray.

Ray:  Oh, it was one of the great unheralded shows of the 80s.  Not to be confused with Simon & Simon.

Joel:   Not now, okay, Ray?

Ray:  It was canceled after 13 episodes, though.  Kinda broke my heart, but you can still catch it on Nick at Nite.  About 2:00 a.m., they got reruns.

Joel:   Ray, enough.

Ray:   Les Van Buren - he played this detective named Jack Wesson and his favorite line was 'lock and load'.  You know, it was like, when he would get into a tough situation, he'd say, 'lock and load', 'lock and load'...

Joel:  Ray, please!

Ray:   Lock and load!

Joel:   Ray!  Please!  There are real people in there, okay?!  Stop yakking!  If you want to watch TV, go home and sit on your couch.

A subdued Ray walks away.

Someone puts a box of food on the table:  Hamburgers, Sir.

Fearless:   Burgers, fries, bulletproof vests - there's an All-American meal.  We still got to find somebody to go inside.

Joel:   Yeah...Cheerios...

 

TERESA

Teresa gets out of the ambulance.

Joel:   If it were my decision, you wouldn't even be going in, okay?

Captain:  I don't see another choice.

Teresa:  It's my job, Detective.  I'll be fine.

Joel:  All right.  Get in and get out.

Fearless:  Don't put yourselves in unnecessary jeopardy.

Joel:  You understand?  Teresa?!

Teresa:  Yeah.  Yeah, I understand.

Joel:  All right.  Randy, are you good to go?

Randy, obviously a little nervous:  Yeah.

Joel:  Are you sure about that?

Randy:  Yeah.

Joel:  All right, let's do it.

Teresa:  Okay, let's go.

Ray walks up:  I'll go in.  Instead of Teresa.

Teresa:  Well, I have to go in.  Because Randy's only a P2 and this is a gunshot wound.

Randy:  I got her back, Captain.  She'll be okay with me.

Ray:  You're not trained to evaluate the situation.

Randy:  She's my partner!

Teresa:  No, Randy, he's right.  It's better if he goes in.

Joel takes off his jacket:  All right, you know what?  I'll go in with her.

Ray hands Tom his gunbelt:  I'm going in.

Joel:  With all due respect...

Ray:  Give me a break, Stevens!  I was making my bones when you were still polishing your brass at the Academy.

Captain:  Ray, look...I think Joel's got a point.

Ray:  You said to 'step up', Captain.  I'm stepping up.

Captain:  Okay, fine.

Joel:  Captain...

Tom:  Randy, help me find him something to wear?

Ray and Teresa wheel a stretcher into the store.

Flood:  Just hurry up and get in here.

Spath:  Frisk them.

Flood:  Right there, right there.

Teresa, as he frisks her:  Hey.  Hey!

Flood:  All right, they're good, they're good, come on in.

Spath:  Hurry up.

Les is kneeling on the floor beside Mary Claire.

Spath points to two of the hostages:  You and you, get the food and vests.  Hurry up!

Teresa:  What's your name?

Mary Claire:  Mary Claire.

Teresa:  Mary Claire. 

She turns to Flood:  What kind of bullet?

Flood:  380.

Teresa to Ray:  Her pelvic is stable.  What's her pulse?

Ray:  Pulse is 120.

Teresa:  Oh, no.

Spath:  What is it?

Ray:  What?

Teresa:  There's two heartbeats.

Mary Claire:  I'm pregnant.

Teresa to Ray:  Get a BP.

Ray whispers:  That's Reggie Flood.  We got case files on that guy.  Be very careful.

Mary Claire:  He killed my baby.

Teresa:  No.  No, honey, he didn't.  Listen, we're going to get you to a hospital right away, okay?

Spath:  She ain't going nowhere.

Teresa to Mary Claire:  Okay, you hold that.  I'll be right back.

Teresa walks over to Spath:  Listen, that baby's going to die in less than 30 minutes.  I don't have the tools to keep it alive.

Spath:  Well, I guess, that's too bad.

Teresa:  At your trial, during the death penalty phase, I'm going to get up on that stand and I'm going to tell them how you callously disregarded the life of a mother and child.

Spath:  Not if I kill you first.

Teresa:  Well, then, you'll die for killing me.

Spath puts the gun to her throat:  Maybe, I will.

Ray instinctively reaches for his weapon before realizing he isn't wearing it:  Listen, you don't want to keep her here.  You keep this lady here, the cops are going to want to check on her every 15 minutes.

Spath sighs:  Okay, get her out.  Hurry up!

Teresa and Ray push the stretcher with Mary Claire toward the door.

Teresa:   Okay, nice and easy, now.

Flood stops them and points his gun at Ray:  Not you...cop!

Ray:   I'm not a cop.  I'm a paramedic.

Flood grabs Ray:  Yeah and I'm Mother Teresa.  Let's go.

Ray to Teresa:   Tell Cherie I love her.

Flood pushes him further back into the store:  Let's go.

As Teresa pushes the stretcher out, Randy and Tom run up to help her.

Teresa:  We need to load her in.

Tom:  Where's Ray?

Teresa:  They kept him.  They knew he was a cop.

Tom:  We got to go in.

Fearless:  He'll be the first one they kill.

Tom:  Well, then, what do we do?

Fearless pulls out his cell phone:  We got to get them that van.  Damn!

They wheel Mary Claire into the ambulance.

Joel:  Where's Ray?

Tom:  He's still inside.

Joel slams his hand against the ambulance.

Teresa:  It should have been me and Randy.  It's my fault.

Joel:  It's not your fault.  You didn't make him go inside.

Tom:  That's great and everything, but can we concentrate on the things we can do?

Teresa:  Okay, fine.  The other guy's name is Flood.

Tom:  Flood?

Teresa:  Yeah.

Fearless on phone:  This is Detective Bobby Smith.  We need an ID on...

 

FLOOD

Flashback to Flood pointing his gun at Ray

Flood:   Not you, cop.

Ray:  I'm a paramedic.

Flood:   Yeah, sure.  I'm Mother Teresa.

Flashback to prison cafeteria as Flood pushes his quadriplegic brother, Neil, into the room.

Flood:   I've half a mind to sneak some girls in.  We could have ourselves a little party, huh?  How does that sound, Bro?  I could call the Botell sisters.  Bet you'd jump out of that chair at another shot a Mindy Botell.

Flood feeds his brother a spoonful of food:  Here you go.  Come on, Neil, just take a bite.

Neil:   No.

Flood:   Come on.  You got to take a couple of bites.

Neil:   Leave me alone.

Flood:   Come on, Neal.  Come on.  (He pushes the spoon into his brother's mouth.)  All right, have another one.

Neil spits the food out:  Get out!  I'm not Christopher Reeve, you stupid son of a bitch!

Flood wipes his brother's face off:  Here.

Neil, crying:  If you have any love for me, as a brother, you'll kill me.

Inside the store, Flood ties Ray to a pole with duct tape.

Ray:  How did you know I was a cop?

Flood:  Oh, I can smell a cop a mile away, Ray.  You stink like a cop.  Plus, I saw you reach for the gun - stupid!

Ray:  Well, all right, then, I'm a cop.  I'm the only hostage that you need.  Why don't you just let all these other people here go?

Flood:  Why don't you just shut up?

He picks up a baseball hat and hits Ray in the back of the legs.

Flood:  Batter up!

Les Van Buren:  Hey!  Is this really necessary?

Flood to Les:  You, shut up!  You don't want to get involved in this.

Flood to Ray:  The secret is to find the sweet spot, right, Ray?

Ray:  Let me know when it's my turn, huh?

Flood:  Your turn's coming up.  What is this?  (He sees the edge of a photograph sticking out of Ray's bulletproof vest, which is lying on the floor.  He pulls out the photo - it's Ray's wife and on the back of the photo, she wrote 'I love you.  Cherie.')

Flood:  Cherie.  (He sings - Cherie baby.)  She's really hot, Ray.  She could do a lot better than a piece of crap like you.

Ray:  Yeah, well, I'm hung like a horse.

Flood:  Yeah?  She likes to bang, Ray?

Ray:  How would I know?  I'm married.

Flood:  Well, I'm sure she shouldn't be too hard to track down after you're out of the picture.  And that's a promise.

Ray:  Oh, good, then you can fix that running toilet she's been on my balls about for a week.

Flood:  Such a tough guy.  You don't have to worry about Cherie any more, pal.  You've got a lot bigger problems than that.

He hits Ray twice more with the bat, driving him to his knees.

Les:  Stop it, damn it!  Leave him alone!

Flood:  I told you to sit down and shut up!  Actor boy!  You know, you might have been somebody once, but you're nobody right now.  So, shut up before you get hurt.

Flood sings:  Take me out to the ball game.  Take me out with the crowd.

 

LES VAN BUREN

Flashback to Flood saying:  You might have been somebody once, but you're nobody right now.  So, shut up before you get hurt.

Flood sings 'Take Me Out to the Ball Game" as Spath walks up.

Spath:  Hey, I see that you're having your fun.  But, I gotta go outside and I need you to cover me.  They're bringing in the van.

Flood:  All right.  If anybody tries anything stupid, I'll make what I did to him look like a walk in the park, you understand?

The robbers walk away.

Les brings Ray a glass of water.

Les:  Are you all right?

Ray:  Yeah.

Les hold the glass as Ray drinks.

Ray:  Ahhh, thanks.

Les:  He shouldn't have done that.

Ray:  I know who you are.  I used to love your show, "Smith and Wesson".

Les:  Oh, yeah?

Ray:  It inspired me to be a cop.  It came on in the hospital when I was rehabbing my knee.  I loved Jack Wesson.

Les:  Yeah, so did I.

Ray:  You know, he wasn't an ordinary TV cop.  He was real, you know.  He had problems - like the sister with Lupus and that crazy partner, Smith.  You were one heroic son of a bitch.

Les:  Thank you.

Ray:  Now, normally, I wouldn't ask this of a regular citizen, but these two - they're not going to let anybody go in Mexico.  They're going to kill them and dump the bodies.  Mr. Van Buren, I need you to step up.  I need you to be a hero, again.

Ray's voice echoes in Les's mind:  I need you to be a hero, again.

Flashback to a television promo for the series, "Insured by Smith and Wesson".  It's, actually, scenes from the 1984 series "Riptide" which starred Perry King and Joe Penny.  They replaced the title sequence with the following:  Billy Michael Potts as Winston Smith and Les Van Buren as Jack Wesson.

Flash to an article in The Hollywood Reporter announcing the cancellation of "Insured by Smith and Wesson" after 13 episodes.

Flash to a marquee advertising Les Van Buren in "Moments from Mamet".  Inside the theater, Les performs a scene from "Glengarry Glen Ross" to an empty theater, except for two ushers standing in the rear.

Usher #1:  I told him he didn't have to go on, but he insisted.  Said someone might show up in the middle.

Usher #2:  Like who?  His agent?  Ah, actors!

Flash to Les sitting on a bench at a bus stop, reading the want ads.  He circles the ad for Moe's Sports Village.

Flash to Les, working at Moe's, pricing boxes of bullets.  He stops working and looks at the guns in the display case. 

He goes into the office, locks the door and loads a gun as he remembers various scenes from his old TV show.  He puts the gun to his temple.

An announcement sounds throughout the store:  Les Van Buren, aisle 5, please.  Les Van Buren, aisle 5....Les, price check, aisle 5....Les, we need you on aisle 5.

Les puts the gun away in a drawer.

Ray:   You can do this.  Get me loose.  That's all I need.

Les:   I'm responsible for the employees.  I can't risk their lives...Look, I'm no hero.  I just played one on TV.

 

DAVID MCNORRIS

David is at the police station, talking on his cell phone.

David:  I just talked to the officers at the scene, okay?  So, call Central Booking.  Have them be prepared to file charges for robbery, kidnapping and felony trespassing - the whole thing...I'm here, now...Okay, bye.

He walks around the corner and sees Joel on the phone.

Joel:  I'll be at the garage in five minutes.  (He hangs up the phone, grabs his jacket and hurries by David.)

David:  Stevens?  I need a word with you.

Joel:  Yeah, I'm listening.

David:  I just came from the DA's office.  He says he's prepared to do anything shy of negotiating with the criminals.

Joel:  We're exchanging a van for 10 hostages.

David:  If we do that, every crook who gets in a jam is going to know we do deals.  It'll be open season on hostages.  I'm sorry.

Joel:  We have two lunatics in there with nothing to lose.  If we storm the place, there's going to be a blood bath.

David:  Look, I can't negotiate.  That comes from the top.

Joel:  There's a cop inside.  Okay?  Put your politics aside for once, please!  Let us do our job.

David just looks at him.

Joel:  We're taking the van.  (He heads down the hall.)

David:  No.

Joel:  We're taking the van!

David reaches out and grabs his arm:  No, stop!

Joel jerks his arm away violently:  Take your hands off me before you get hurt.

David:  Go ahead.  Give it your best shot.

They stand there, staring at each other for a few seconds, then David's cell phone rings.

David to phone:  Yes, sir...I'm sorry, it's too late.  They've already taken the van...Yeah, okay.  (He hangs up the phone.)

David to Joel:  I'll take the heat.

Joel:  Thanks.

As Joel walks away, David notices Andrea standing nearby, taking notes.

David:  Well, well...what are you doing here?

Andrea:  I saw Stevens leave the scene - figured something was up.

David:  I got to go.

Andrea:  Did you just do what I think you did?

David:  Since when is eavesdropping part of journalism school?

Andrea:  I know city policy, David.  No negotiation.

David:  The police think it's the best way to get them out of there alive.

Andrea:  It's a risky move, Counselor.

David:  Oh, really?  Since when are you so interested in my future?

Andrea:  Just because we're not screwing doesn't mean I don't care.

David:  I'd rather be screwing and not have you care.

Andrea:  Don't be bitter, David.  It doesn't look good on you.

She starts to walk away, but David reaches out and pull her back.

David:  I'm sorry.

Andrea:  Why did you ignore the DA?

David:  Honestly?

Andrea:  Yeah...honestly.

David:  Because Ray Hechler put his ass on the line.

Andrea just looks at him.

David:  What?

Andrea:  Nothing.

David:  Okay.  (He starts to walk away, stops and turns back to her.)  No.  What?

Andrea:  I'm just remembering what I liked about you.

As she walks down the hall, David lets out a deep breath:  Whooo...

 

JOEL

Flashback to the scene outside of Moe's Sports Village.

Joel's cell phone rings:  Hello...Hey, honey...honey...honey, no, okay?...Have your sister drive Willie to school, okay?  It's a bowl of Cheerios, all right?  Kid make mistakes.  Baby, it's not the end of the world, okay?

He hangs up the phone as Fearless walks up.

Fearless:   Everything okay?

Joel:   A bowl of cheerios...

Fearless:   This fool wants to go to Mexico.

Flashback to the group of police officers looking at the store's blueprints.  Ray's voice drowns out what Fearless is saying.

Ray:   ...Nick at Nite.  About 2:00 a.m., they got reruns.

Joel:  Ray, enough.

Ray:  Les Van Buren - he played this detective named Jack Wesson and his favorite line was 'lock and load'.  You know, it was like, when he would get into a tough situation, he'd say, 'lock and load', 'lock and load'...

Joel:  Ray, please!

Ray:  Lock and load!

Joel:  Ray!  Please!  There are real people in there, okay?!  Stop yakking!  If you want to watch TV, go home and sit on your couch.

A subdued Ray walks away.

Someone puts a box of food on the table:  Hamburgers, Sir.

Fearless:  Burgers, fries, bulletproof vests - there's an All-American meal.  We still got to find somebody to go inside.

Joel:  Yeah...Cheerios...

Flashback to when Teresa comes out of the store with Mary Claire on the stretcher.

Joel:  Where's Ray?

Tom:  He's still inside.

Joel slams his hand against the ambulance.

Teresa:  It should have been me and Randy.  It's my fault.

Joel:  It's not your fault.  You didn't make him go inside.

Joel runs into the garage at the police station where a mechanic (Chet) is working on the van.

Joel:  Chet!  Chet, how's it going?

Chet:  Hey.  GPS is activated.

Joel:  All right.  How long on battery?

Chet:  Six hours, give or take.  What's the plan?

Joel:  We're going to track them into Mexico.

Chet:  I did patrol with Hechler, back in the Heights.  He hooked 'em and booked 'em.  We were on a felony collar one night.  Some jerk put a lady in a coma over 16 bucks!  I came this close to getting my ass killed.  He saved my ass...Life's a bitch!

Joel:  Yeah.

Joel drives the van to the scene.

Joel:   Six hours on GPS.  We figure they're going to take the 405 to the border.

Captain to one of the uniforms:  Alert Air Traffic at LAX and John Wayne.  We're going to have high altitude air ship pursuit.

Uniform:   Yes, sir.

Joel:   They're never going to take him in that van.

Fearless:   Why do you say that?

Joel:   Would you take a 250 pound cop in your getaway car?

Fearless:   It doesn't mean they're going to kill him.

Joel:   Yeah...I shouldn't have cut him down.

Fearless:   What are you talking about?

Joel:   I let my personal life get in the way of my work.  I shouldn't have cut him down.

Fearless:   Don't give yourself that much credit.  You have no idea why Ray went into that store.

Fearless' radio:   Detective Smith, we need you at the CP.

 

RAY

Flashback to Ray and Tom explaining the hostage situation to Captain Ron Hicks:  We rolled on a 211.  We got here just as they were coming out, shots fired and they got back in.

Captain:  Who shot the turkey?

Ray looks at Tom and shrugs.

Flashback to their patrol car arriving at the scene with the siren on and lights flashing.  The two robbers walk out of the store, see the patrol car and immediately start firing at them.  Ray ducks down behind the car door.  His gun is pointing upward and it goes off, striking the turkey.

Flashback to Ray in the office of psychologist, Gregory Daniels.

Dr. Daniels enters the room:  Hello.  Officer Hechler?

Ray:  Doc.  (They shake hands.)

Dr. Daniels:  So, tell me what motivated you to apply for a P3 promotion, with all these years on the force.

Ray:  Well, you know, it's just time.  It's time for me.

Dr. Daniels:  And?

Ray:  I'll level with you, Doc.  I used to hook 'em and book 'em but lately, something has been off.  It's a mental thing.  You ask yourself 'am I the same cop I was when I first joined up?'  I was second team All-American nose guard with a shot at the pros.  Blew my knee out against Boston College.  And I wonder, where did that desire go?  How much of it do I got left?  How do you get old, so fast?  Nobody tells you it goes so fast.  Sometimes you get so tight in the chest you can hardly breathe.

Flashback to the police station.  Captain Hicks calls Ray over.

Ray:  Hey, Captain.

Captain:  You passed the orals with flying color and the written exam with an 84.

Ray laughs out loud:  Cherie is doing cartwheels over this promotion.  Of course, she's more interested in the extra 74 bucks a week.

Captain:  P3 status means you train other officers.  It gives you tactical command status.  It's a leadership position.

Ray:  Well, cut the copspeak, Ron.  Do I get this thing or not?

Captain:  The police psychologist said you have some mid-life issues.

Ray:  Mid-life issues?

Captain:  Hey, look, in terms of experience, you're better than nine-tenths of the applicants.  But, you know the brass - they look at a psych report and they see a guy who questions his own fitness.

Ray:  That is not what I was trying to tell that guy.

Captain:  Hey.  Hey, just step it up, Ray.  Just step it up.  Maybe, we can revisist this later.

Tom walks up:  So...did you get it?

Ray smiles:  I passed with flying colors.

Tom:  Cocktails on you!  Congratulations.

Ray:  I had to turn it down, though.

Tom:  What?!

Ray:  It means I have to leave the division.  That leaves you without a partner.  Nobody else around here is stupid enough to ride with you.  So, I'm stuck.

Flashback to Ray, sitting at home watching "Insured by Smith and Wesson".  (They show a scene from "Riptide" with a voice over by Joe Penny, saying 'lock and load'.)

Cherie:   Ray!  Ray, the toilet's still running.  It's like Niagra Falls in there.  It's driving me nuts.

Ray:   Try shaking the handle.

Cherie:  You said you'd fix it.

Ray:   I will...as soon as this is over.

Cherie:  Ray, please, just fix the toilet!  I don't want to have to ask again.

Ray, watching the television:  Okay, honey.

Flashback to scene outside of Moe's.

Captain:   Ray, look...I think Joel's got a point.

Ray:   You said to 'step up', Captain.  I'm stepping up.

Ray, inside the store, taped to the pole.

Spath:   The van's here.  Pick three hostages and the manager.  Let's go!

Flood:   You, come on.  And you, let's go.  And you, sweetheart, you're going to Mexico.  Come on.  Come on, Mr. Manager.  Let's go!

He beckons Les to follow them.

Ray:   Les.  Les, I need your help.

Les:   I told you...

Ray:   Come on.  Dig deep, man.

Les:   I can't.

Ray:   You were Jack Wesson.  You were bigger than Sonny Crockett, bigger than Magnum, bigger than Cannon.

Les:   I can't!

Ray:   Les, you were a hero to millions of people.  You still are.  You don't believe me?  Look.  Look for yourself.  (He indicates a television which has been relating the hostage situation.)

TV Newsman:  One of the hostages is former television star, Les Van Buren.  Van Buren, you might remember, had been the star of "Insured by Smith and Wesson", where he played LAPD Detective Jack Wesson.

Ray:   Les, get me loose.

Les:   Okay.

Ray:   You're willing to risk bodily injury?

Les:  Yes.

Ray:  All right.  As a police officer of the city of Los Angeles, I grant you posse comitas status.  You have full police powers which extend for the entire duration of the situation.

Les:  What do I do?

Ray:  Get a knife.  Cut me loose.

Flood comes back:  Hey!  Get away from him.  What are you doing?

Les:  Nothing.

Flood to Les:  We're getting in the van.

Flood to Ray:  We're taking four hostages down to Mexico and you're not gonna be one of them.

Ray:  You kill me, you won't get in that van.

Flood:  Maybe, maybe not. 

Ray:  They'll blitz this place.

Flood:  Yeah...so what?  I want you to do something for me.  I want you to call your wife.  Tell her you're not coming home tonight.

Ray:  Go to hell!

Flood:  I want your wife to get the same phone call I got when you cops broke my brother's back.

Ray:  No.  I know the cop who took your brother down.  His name is Andy Walker.  Yeah, Flood, I knew who you were since I came in.  You want to take your anger out on me, you go ahead.  But, you ought to know - Andy Walker was on his knees prayying for your brother to walk again.  Cause the pain goes both ways.  Your brother - he put a little old lady into a coma.  If anybody's back had to get broke, I'm glad it was his.

Flood:  Call your wife.

Ray:  No.

Flood shoves the gun in Ray's face and thrusts the phone at him:  Call your wife!  Tell her you're not coming home for dinner tonight...Call your wife.

Ray takes the phone and dials a number:  Yeah, Cherie...I got a little problem here at work.  Things are tough.  I might not get out.  So, anything happens to me, I want you to know that I got some cash stashed.  It's under my camping gear.  Maybe two grand total...Yeah, look under the camping gear...Honey...honey, calm down!  I need you to understand what I'm telling you.

Flood reaches for the phone:  All right, that's enough.

Ray:  And I love you.  I love you.

Flood takes the phone, then picks up a pillow, which he wraps around the muzzle of the gun.  Ray closes his eyes as Flood shoots.  Feathers from the pillow fly everywhere and blood drips onto the floor as Ray falls back.

Flash to a wake at Ray's house.

Cherie:  I just want to thank you all for coming today.  Ray would have been really happy to see you here.

She breaks down in tears and Teresa hugs her.

Teresa:  Oh, Cherie, I'm sorry.

Cherie:  Thank you.

Joel:  He was a good man.

Cherie:  Yeah.

Fearless:  Ray was a hero.

Tom hugs Cherie and says:  He was the finest man I ever knew.

Cherie:  And the worst part...the worst part is...the very worst part is...he never fixed the damn toilet!

She slams her hand down on the table.

Flashback to the store.  Flood stumbles forward, Ray kicks him to the floor.  We see Les, who was standing behind Flood, with a gun in his hand.

Ray:  Well, what do you know, Les?  You're a hero, after all.

 

SPATH

Spath:   Flood!  Where you at?

He sees Flood lying on the floor and begins looking for Ray.

Ray comes out behind him:  Freeze!

They exchange shots and Spath falls down.

Les:  You got him, Ray.  You got him!

Ray:  No, Les.  No, he's got a vest!

Spath gets up, grabs Les and puts the gun to his head.

Spath:  Drop your gun.

Ray:  Get real.

Spath:  I'll kill him.

Ray:  I'll kill you.

Spath:  Tell me what happened to Flood or I'll kill this son of a bitch right now.  Tell me!

Ray:  Lock and load.

Spath:  What?  What are you talking about?

Ray:  Les, lock and load!

Spath:  That's it. 

He puts the gun to Les' throat and prepares to pull the trigger, then suddenly falls to the floor.  Les turns and sees the shattered glass wall behind him.  Ray walks over and signals to the policemen outside.  One of them calls out:  All secure.  All clear!  All clear!

Ray:  Well, Les, we did it.

Les:  What were you saying?

Ray:  Lock and load.

Les:  Why?

Ray:  Lock and load...from Smith and Wesson.  You remember that episode you had that woman in Mexico?  You said 'lock and load' and she took cover.

Les:  Oh, yeah...

Ray:  I was trying to get you to take cover.

Les:  I thought you said rock and roll.

 

TOM

Outside the store, Tom's cell phone rings.

Tom:   Hello.

Ray:   Yeah, Cherie...I got a little problem here at work.

Tom:   Ray, are you okay?

Ray:   Things are tough.  I might not get out.  So, anything happens to me, I want you to know that I got some cash stashed.  It's under my camping gear.  Maybe two grand total...Yeah, look under the camping gear...

Tom:   All right.  All right, you sit tight.  We're going to get you out.

Ray:   Honey...honey, calm down!  I need you to understand what I'm telling you.

Tom:   Got it!

Ray:M  And I love you.  I love you.

Tom:  Captain Hicks!

Tom and Joel are with a sniper on a nearby rooftop.

Tom:  He said under camping gear.

The sniper looks through his scope, scanning the signs in the store, until he sees 'Camping'.  Standing below the sign are Ray, Les and Spath.

Joel's radio goes off.  It's Fearless.

Fearless on radio:  Joel, we have a green light from Command.

Joel to Fearless:  Roger that.

Joel to sniper:  Take the shot.

The sniper shoots and kills Spath.

Outside the store, some people are re-inflating the turkey.  The media is interviewing everyone involved in the situation.

Andrea is taking notes as Les speaks:  Ray looked at me and said, ' Hey, we got a problem.'  So, I had to dig down deep and kick some butt.

David McNorris is, also, being interviewed:  I'd like to take the credit.  But the credit here goes to the fine work of the Los Angeles Police Department.

Reporter:  Officer Hechler, can I ask you just one more question, please?

Ray brushes him off as Tom walks up.

Tom hugs him:  Hey!  Enough excitement for one day, huh, Super Cop?!

Ray:  Save it for your girlfriend.

Captain Hicks walks by:  Good job.

Ray:  Captain.

Cherie runs up and throws herself into Ray's arms:  Ray!  Oh, Ray... (They kiss passionately.)

Tom:  Awww....

Ray:  It's all right, babe.  I'll fix that toilet now.

As he hugs her, he notices a uniformed officer walk by, carrying two bulletproof vests.  He looks up at the security camera on the outside wall of the store.

 

JACK WESSON

Les walks out of the store to his car, carrying a briefcase.  He's talking on his cell phone.

Les:   Jack Wesson is back!  I am back, my friend...It's Les...Les Van Buren...Yeah!  Did you see that?  Is that wild or what?...Well, I'm a little amped up, but I'm okay.  Look, Harry, here's the deal.  I'm thinking about giving this acting thing a try, again.  And not just guest shots.  I mean, I should be able to get a gig hosting the Justice Files or one of those shows, something like that...Yeah.  Why am I calling?  I'm calling because I want you to be my agent again...You did?  When?...Well, look, let's, at least, have lunch and you can point me in the right direction, okay?  All right, I'll call you tomorrow.  Bye.

Ray walks up:  Hey, Les.

Les:  Hey, Ray!

Ray:  There's something I have to say to you.

Les:  Sure.  Fire away.

Ray:  You know, I know how it is to look back on your life and not like what you see.  And when I look back on this here, I'll remember this as one of my best days as a police officer.  And I couldn't do that if you hadn't saved my ass.

Les:  Thanks, Ray.  That means a lot to me.  Thank you.

They shake hands and Les gets into his car.  Ray crouches down beside the car.

Ray:  I saw the vest.

Les:  Excuse me?

Ray:  The vest Spath was wearing - I saw it.  He asked for two vests.  He was already wearing one.

Les:  Ray, I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

Ray:  If I look in that briefcase, am I going to find the tapes from the store's surveillance cameras?

Flashback to the store's office, as seen through the surveillance camera.

Spath:  Calm down.  You can't lose your cool.

Les:  You shot Mary Claire.

Spath:  Well, you were supposed to keep all the employees in one place.

Les:  I did exactly what we talked about.

Spath:  Shut your mouth.

He walks out of the office, Les follows him down the corridor.

Les:  I told you...Hey...Hey...

Spath grabs Les and shoves him up against the wall:  You talked real tough back in that bar, huh?  Knocking back whiskey, yakking how the money is free for the taking.  I need you to get a grip.

Les:  Okay.  I'm sorry.

Spath:  All right.  I'm going to ask for a van to take us down to Mexico and bulletproof vests for you and Flood, okay?

Les:  What are you doing?

Spath:  You're going to play like you're just the manager.  We're going to take you down there as a hostage.  Then, we'll divvy up the money and go our separate ways.  Come on, Jack Wesson.  Time to meet your fan club.

Les and Ray at the car.

Les:  Yeah.  They hung out in a bar near my apartment.  I knew they were no good, but I just wanted a chance, Ray.  I just wanted a chance for one big score.

Ray:  You turned on them.

Les:  I saw my face on all those tvs and I...God, it was beautiful!  I'm sorry, Ray.  I'm really sorry.

Ray:  You gave a great performance.  Almost had me fooled.

Les:  How did I get so damn old?  I was supposed to make it big.  Not be a schmuck.

Ray:  We're all schmucks.

Les:  Is Mary Claire going to be okay?

Ray:  Yeah, she's going to be okay.  So is her baby.

Les gets out of the car:  I don't suppose you'd give an old actor a break.  Help me out?  Maybe, keep this between us?  I was your inspiration, Ray.  I mean, you said so, yourself.  I was Jack Wesson.

Ray:  You're not Jack Wesson, Les.

Les:  No.  You are.

Ray:  No.  I'm Ray Hechler.

Ray walks Les over to two uniformed police officers as the turkey is fully inflated.

 

END