For Entertainment And Educational Purposes Only
"First Kiss"
Original Airdate: 16-APR-1985
Written by Ellen Guylas & Robert Sternin. Directed by Asaad Kelada
© Courtesy of
The Who's The Boss? Resource.
Transcribed by Angel_15
Scene
1- The Bower House
(Tony
is dusting the railing on the stairs. He sprays
the dusting spray on the cloth, sits the cloth
on the railing and slides down. Doorbell rings.
Tony opens it to find Wendy Whittner standing
there)
Tony: Oh hi Ms. Whittner!
Wendy: Hi Tony, is Angela home?
Tony: Yeah, come on in, I’ll get her for you on
the intercom.
(Ms. Whittner enters. Tony cups his hands over
his mouth)
Tony: Yo Angela! Ms. Whittner is here!
(To Wendy)
She’ll be right down.
Wendy: Thanks.
(Tony exits. Angela enters from the study.)
Angela: Wendy! Oh sweetie how are you?
(They hug)
Wendy: Good, how are you?
Angela: Good. What’s up?
Wendy: Isabelle and I are going to Taco Loco tonight
for dinner, you wanna join us?
Angela: Taco Loco. So that’s where it is.
Wendy: What?
Angela: Every year my mother throws me a surprise
birthday part and you know and I know and now you
know I know. So what do you have to say about that?
Wendy: Oh it’s your birthday. I’m so sorry I forgot.
Angela (laughing): Weak Wendy Weak.
Wendy: Well, if there was a party I wasn’t invited
and if it turns out you weren’t either you’ll know
where to find us. I will be with the mariachi singing
“Lady of Spain”.
Angela (laughing): Oh Wendy you slay me.
(Wendy exits out the front door)
Angela (still laughing): Oh that’s so great….
(Mona enters carrying two dressy outfits)
Mona: Angela? Angela! I need your help. Which one
of these do you like? I’ve got a date tonight.
Angela: Oh right a date. And where are you going?
Mona: To the Oingoboingo concert.
Angela: Oingoboingo huh? And I suppose the kids
REALLY are going to be spending the night in Brooklyn?
With Ms. Rossini?
Mona: Yeah.
(Angela laughing)
Mona: Angela, what is the matter with you?
(Samantha and Jonathon enter from upstairs, carrying
suitcases)
Jonathon: Well, Mom, we’re all packed.
Angela: Suitcases! That’s a very nice touch. And
I suppose Ms. Rossini will be by any minute to pick
you up?
Samantha: That’s the plan. We’re gonna go outside
and flag her down. Grass and trees confuse her.
(Samantha and Jonathon exit, Tony enters dressed
nicely carrying a basketball and a gym bag)
Tony: I’m off to the Y to shoot some hoops!
Angela: Tony, you’re going to play basketball dressed
like that?
Tony: No Angela, when I get to the gym I’ll change
into sweats.
Angela: Likely story. What’s in the bag?
Tony: Sweats. And there’s AIR in the ball.
(Angela laughing)
Tony: You’d better keep an eye on her, Mona.
(Tony bounces ball and lets it go up his shirt.
Goes to open door, Ms. Rossini, Samantha, and Jonathon
enter.)
Tony: Hey! Ms. Rossini!
Ms. R: Tony!
(They hug. Ms. Rossini looks at basketball sticking
out of Tony’s shirt)
Ms. R: Don’t tell me. She’s so liberated, she got
ya pregnant. Angela!!
Angela (shocked):……Ms. Rossini….What are you doing
here?
Ms. R: Taking the kids for the night. Don’t you
remember?
(Angela still clueless, Ms. Rossini takes her
hand)
Ms. R: We talked about it on the phone.
(Turns to Tony)
And she runs an advertising agency. C’mon kids.
We gotta go.
Samantha: Don’t you wanna see my room?
Ms. R: Can I see it tomorrow Samantha? Joey’s gotta
get the fish truck back by 6 o’clock.
(Ms. Rossini leads kids out the door)
Tony: Yeah, I gotta go too. Bye Angela. Hey Mona,
keep an eye on her.
(Ms. Rossini, Samantha, Jonathon, and Tony exit)
Angela (bewildered): They really are going. She
really did drive to Connecticut.
(Angela opens front door and leans outside)
Angela: There really is a fish truck. There really
isn’t a party.
Scene 2
(Tony and friend (Jeff) are at the Y; Tony is
bouncing basketball as they are apparently exiting)
Tony: Hey Jeff!
(Tony tosses ball to Jeff, catching Jeff off-guard)
Ooh good hands, good hands. No wonder we buried
you today
(Policeman enters)
Police: Excuse me gentlemen. We need some fellas
to do some drinking for us. How ‘bout it?
Tony: Don’t say a word, Jeff, I think this is entrapment.
Police: No. We’re demonstrating to the local teens
the effects of drinking on driving. We’ll be using
a simulator and we need a couple of over 21 volunteers.
Tony: Oh yeah? How much are the drinks?
Police: Why, they’re on the state of Connecticut.
Tony (joking): Does the governor know about this?
Scene 3
(Bower house. Voices heard outside front door.
Angela, Wendy, and Isabelle enter a dark house.
Angela and Wendy are obviously drunk.)
Wendy: Sh! This might be Angela’s surprise party.
(Wendy turns on light. Living room remains motionless)
Wendy: Surprise! No party!
(Wendy bursts into laughter)
Angela: Wendy! It’s not nice to make fun of me!
(They enter into living room)
Wendy: Sorry. Isabelle, are you going to have a
drink now, or are you going to be a drag ALL night?
Isabelle: Wendy, I’m not a drag, I’m a doctor and
I’m on call. I have to be sober and alert incase
of an emergency.
(Wendy dances around living room, Isabelle continues)
Like driving the two of you home from a Mexican
restaurant.
Angela: You know…this is my thirty-mm birthday and
nooobody did anything.
Isabelle: What do you mean? I think the waiters
at Taco Loco went all out.
Wendy (giggling): I thought the candles in the re-fried
beans was a nice touch.
Angela: Yeah. Who cares if everyone forgets your
birthday? As long as Peppy remembers!
(All three burst into laughter)
Scene 4
(Tony at the Y, drunk, attempting to walk a straight
line, acting cocky)
Police: Now after 5 drinks, Tony’s blood alcohol
level is .5%. Legally drunk in all 50 states. At
these levels, personality and behavior changes can
occur. Person becomes over confident, even cocky.
Jeff: Nah, he’s always like that!
Tony: Oh yeah? Watch this!
(Tony jumps and does a split. Goes to sit down,
misses chair)
Scene 5
(Bower house. Isabelle, Angela, Wendy all laughing
as they eat in the living room)
Wendy. You know who I think is really cute? The
new tennis pro at the club.
Isabelle: Orbin?
Wendy: Yeah….
Isabelle: I gave him an emergency appendectomy.
Angela (gasps): You’ve seen him naked?
Isabelle: Angela, in my business, if you’ve seen
one body, you’ve seen them all.
(Wendy and Angela stare at her in amazement and
disbelief)
Isabelle: Although he does have a CUTE little tush.
You know who else is cute?
Angela: Who?
Isabelle: Tony.
Angela (gasps): Have you seen HIM naked?
Isabelle: No. Have you?
Angela: Of course not!
Wendy: But you think he’s cute don’t you?
Angela: He’s…… a fine person!
(Isabelle and Wendy laughing)
Angela: No, he’s thoughtful and sensitive, and he’s
very good with Jonathon.
Wendy: He’s very BUILT too.
Angela: Yes…..he has his share of muscles. He’s……solid.
And responsible. That’s is, Tony is the most responsible
man I have ever met.
(Tony enters singing loudly in Italian)
Tony: Hey! Ladies! Six of them!
(Angela gets up and motions for Tony to come
to her)
Angela: Have you been drinking?
Tony: Like a fish. Hey, you know what happened to
me? I went through 3 red lights, I went through
one red barn, I got stalled on some railroad tracks,
and I got run over by a train! CHU CHU CHU CHU AAAAUUUGGGHHHH!
(Tony laughing hysterically. Angela turns to
Wendy and Isabelle)
Angela: I told you he was tough.
Wendy: Isabelle! Isabelle! Now’s your chance. Make
him take off all his clothes and examine him. I
will be the nurse!!
(Isabelle’s pager beeps twice)
Isabelle: Two beeps. That’s an emergency. C’mon,
Wendy, I’ll take you home.
Wendy. Oooohhh. Just when it was getting good.
Isabelle: Angela, Happy Birthday.
(Isabelle kisses Angela on the cheek)
Angela: Oooh. Thank you. Goodnight.
Wendy (as she exits the front door and passes Tony):
CUTE!
Angela: Stop it!
Wendy: Happy Birthday!
(Isabelle and Wendy exit. Tony shuts the door
and turns to Angela)
Tony: Did she say Happy Birthday?
Angela: Mm-hmm.
Tony: Oh, Angela, I forgot your birthday.
Angela: Mm-hmm.
Tony: How could I have done that? Oh, you must feel
awful.
(Tony goes to hug Angela, then stops)
Tony: Wait a minute. I didn’t know it was your birthday
because you didn’t tell me it was your birthday!
Angela: I didn’t?
Tony: No! I’ll tell you what though Angela. I’m
going to get you a present right now. A present
right now. I’ll go to an After Hours Present store!
(Tony goes to exit, then stops)
Tony: Wait, I can’t do that. Cause of drunk drivers,
I can’t drive. I’ll go right into the kitchen and
bake you a cake!
Angela: Oh Tony, you don’t have to do that! Double
fudge with walnuts?
Tony: You got it birthday girl. C’mon.
(Tony and Angela exit to the kitchen)
Scene 6
(Bower house. Kitchen. Tony is mixing cake batter.
Angela sitting on the counter, licking batter off
her finger)
Angela: Oh Tony this is delicious! I told Wendy
you were a good cook.
Tony: You and Wendy were talking about me?
Angela: Well, we were talking about a lot of things.
Tony: Oh yeah? What’d you say about me?
Angela: I just told Wendy I was really glad I hired
you.
Tony: That’s great Angela, cause I’m really glad
you hired me too. This may surprise you, but when
I was a kid I didn’t think I’d ever grow up to be
a housekeeper.
Angela: No?
Tony: Yeah, well anyway. This is the best job I
ever had.
Angela: Thank you Tony.
Tony: You know, I never thought I’d find somebody
who…. Jonathon’s a great kid. And I have a new best
friend!….in Mona. And I have a boss who, uh, who’s
of course, uh…
Angela: Who’s what?
Tony: She’s okay.
Angela: You know, I just remembered what I told
Wendy about you
Tony: Oh yeah?
Angela: Yeah. I said you were….okay.
(Angela hops down off counter, and grabs a handful
of flour. Throws it at Tony)
Angela! HA! Hahahaha!!
Tony: Angela, cut that out, you think that’s funny?
Angela: Yeah I do!
(Tony throws flour at Angela)
Tony: Flour! I sell flour!
(Tony and Angela continue to fight with the flour,
they run at each other and they KISS! Softly at
first, then more passionately. Then, they pull away
from each other. Angela walks toward a counter and
leans on it)
Tony: Oh Angela, I’m sorry, I’m, I’m really sorry.
Angela: I feel…..I feel faint.
Tony (getting overconfident) Yeah?
Angela (turning her head upside down, still leaning
on counter): Tony?
Tony: Yeah?
Angela: Is that an upside down cake?
Tony: No.
Angela: Then I’m in big trouble.
Tony: Oh Angela, hold on a second, you’re just gonna
have to lie down.
Angela: Right.
(Angela collapses on kitchen floor)
Tony: Angela! Not there!
Angela: I like it here!
Tony: No, no. Up in your room!
Angela: I can’t make it!
Tony: I’ll help you, c’mon.
(Tony picks Angela up, cradling her)
Tony: Oh! M-imomi-me!
(Tony goes to open swinging kitchen door, but
slams Angela into the door)
Tony: Oh Angela, I’m so sorry!
Scene 7
(Angela’s bedroom. Tony enters, carrying Angela
over his shoulder. Tony goes to put Angela on her
bed)
Tony: Okay, easy now, watch my head.
(Tony lays Angela on her bed)
Tony: Alright, isn’t that better?
Angela: Oh yes Tony, thank you.
Tony: Alright.
(Tony goes to Angela’s dresser to get her nightgown)
Angela: Tony? Wendy was right. You are cute.
Tony: Thanks Angela, you’re cute too. Here’s your
nightgown.
Angela: Thank you.
(Tony moves to doorway)
Angela: Tony?
Tony: Yes Angela?
(Angela motions for Tony to come to her)
Tony: What?
(Angela pats the spot beside her on the bed)
Angela: Come here.
Tony: There?
(Tony moves closer to the bed)
Tony: Well, uh, what’s the matter Angela?
(Angela grabs Tony around the neck and pulls
him on top of her)
Tony: Wait, wait Angela, wait.
(Tony grabs Angela’s arms to get her to let go
of him. Angela, stops, suddenly asleep)
Tony (to himself): I’m gonna hate myself in the
morning.
(Tony covers Angela up, turns out the light,
and leaves)
Scene 8
(Bower house, morning. Mona enters into the kitchen.
Flour is everywhere and Angela’s shoes are sticking
out of the toaster)
Mona (looking around): Great day in the morning…(yelling)
Angela? Tony?
(Mona sees Angela’s shoes, grabs them, and suspects
something happened the night before)
Scene 9
(Angela’s bedroom. Angela wakes up and holds
her head)
Angela: Oooo.
Mona (whispering): Angela? Are you alright?
Angela: Yes, mother, I’m fine only please don’t
shout.
Mona (talking loudly): HA!!
Angela: OOH!
Mona (continuing to talk loudly): ANGELA! YOU HAVE
A HANGOVER!
Angela: Oh, it’s the worst; I’ll never do that again.
Mona: What happened in the kitchen?
Angela: Uh, flour, I seem to remember doing something
with flour.
Mona: Yeah?
Angela: Oh I know! I was in the kitchen baking a
cake.
Mona: You? Baking a cake? That doesn’t sound like
you.
Angela: No, it doesn’t does it? Wait a minute. Uh.
Oooh. Now I remember, Tony came home; he’d been
drinking at the Y.
Mona: Uh, don’t you mean playing basketball?
Angela: No, I don’t think so. Anyway. He felt so
bad that he missed my birthday that we went into
the kitchen to bake a kiss.
(Angela begins to brush her hair)
Mona: A kiss?!
Angela: What? What are you talking about mother?
Mona: You said you and Tony baked a kiss!
Angela: No, mother, I said we went in the kitchen
to bake a…KISS. Oh my god mother! I kissed Tony
in the kitchen!
Mona: Yeah?
Angela: Yeah what?
Mona: Yeah? What happened?
Angela: I’m not sure.
Mona: Angela, don’t you hold out on me. I’ll use
force if I have to!
Angela: I’m not holding out on you, it’s just all
so foggy.
Mona: What happened after you kissed Tony in the
kitchen?
(Mona hits Angela on the head) Think! Think! Think!
Think! Think!
Angela: Oh mother stop it! All I know is that my
head hurts and my feet hurt and I kissed Tony in
the kitchen and…uh-oh.
Mona: Now Angela, I’m your Mummy!! You can tell
me anything!
Angela: Well, Mummy. I remember…rolling around on
the bed and…..Oh my god mother, I slept with Tony!
Mona: Better than I thought!
(Angela lays head down on her dresser, and Mona
hugs her happily from behind)
Scene 10
(Tony is in the kitchen cleaning. Angela enters)
Angela: Good morning Tony.
Tony: Good morning Angela. How ya feelin’?
Angela: Lousy. As God as my witness I will never
go drinking again.
Tony: Yeah well, I got just the thing for ya. Something
to make you feel like a brand new woman. Tomato
juice and Tabasco!
(Tony runs to the refrigerator)
Tony: That was uh, some night last night huh?
Angela: Well, all evidence seems to point in that
direction.
Tony: Yeah, well, maybe we should talk about it.
Angela: Well Tony, I don’t really know what to say.
It was all so…surreal.
Tony: Does that mean you don’t want to talk about
it? You’re right. No big deal.
Angela: No big deal?
Tony: Yeah, I mean, it was nice and all but…you
know.* shrugs *
Angela: Nice? Tony, nice is hardly the word I would
use to describe having….well, you know.
Tony: No, I don’t know. What?
Angela: Sex alright? We had sex!
Tony: We did? No we didn’t! Angela, I’m not that
kind of guy. All we did was fool around a little
bit in the kitchen.
Angela: I beg your pardon?
Tony: You know, we baked a cake, we threw a little
flour, we had a little kiss…then I took you up to
your room.
Angela: Did you slam me into the door?
Tony: Now you’re starting to figure it out, yeah
that was me! Yeah, then I carried you upstairs and
put you to bed.
Angela: Oh! So you’re saying all that happened was
you kissed me?
Tony: That’s it. Yeah.
(Angela obviously relieved)
Tony: Better?
Angela: Yeah.
Tony: But just for the record, I didn’t kiss you,
YOU kissed ME.
Angela: I did not.
Tony: You did too.
Angela: I did not.
Tony: You did too.
Angela: I did not, but if I did, which is still
in question, I didn’t mean it.
Tony: Take it from me, you meant it.
Angela: Well, you seemed to like it.
Tony: How would you remember Miss Lost Weekend?
Angela: You didn’t like it?
Tony: Oh, no, that’s not what I meant-
Angela: -oh yeah, I knew you liked it, I remembered
that.
Angela: I uh guess I was pretty out of it last night.
Tony: Well, let’s just say we both got a little
carried away.
(Tony and Angela sit at the kitchen table)
Angela: Tony, if, um, we both got so carried away…how
come you…
Tony: It’s just that uh, I mean if anything ever
did happen between us, I would wanna loose you,
as a friend.
Angela: Oh, I wouldn’t want to loose you either,
as a friend.
Tony: And another thing, if we ever did , LOOSE
each other as friends, I’d want you to remember
it. And you would!
Angela: So would you…
Scene 11
(Ms. Rossini, Samantha, and Jonathon enter the
living room through the front door.)
Jonathon: Mom? Tony? We’re home!
(Tony and Angela enter from the kitchen, running
toward Samantha and Jonathon hugging them)
Angela: How was Brooklyn?
Jonathon: It was great Mom!
Samantha: Yeah, Dad, it was just like old times,
we played stickball and everything!
Ms. R (to Angela): Jonathon told me it was your
birthday, so I brought you a little present.
(Ms. Rossini hands Angela a large container of
alcohol)
Ms. R: Here, drink, enjoy.
Angela: Thank you Ms. Rossini….
Tony: Angela, maybe I should lock this up?
Angela: Hide the key…
(Tony exits)
Samantha: C’mon Ms. Rossini, I wanna show you my
room.
(Ms. Rossini, Samantha and Jonathon exit. Mona
enters)
Mona: Hi.
Angela: Hi.
Mona: Are the kids back? I thought I smelled the
fish truck.
Angela: Yes, they’re upstairs.
Mona: And how are the lovebirds this morning?
Angela: Mother, let me explain something to you,
it seems I had a slight memory lapse and I filled
in the wrong blanks. Now, Tony explained the whole
thing, nothing happened.
Mona: And you believe him??
(Tony enters from the kitchen)
Tony (singing): For all the girls I’ve loved before….
(Angela and Mona turn to look at him)
Tony: What? It was just an imitation. I was just…
End Of Show
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