Michael (taking G.O.B. away as he sees three
Mexican men approach and follow them) Hey, hey...
Back
to the present.
Michael I just think you and I would have a lot more
fun! Plus, you can bring Maeby.
Lindsay You know?, I’ve
sensed her feeling a little left out lately. (Michael nods)
Narrator And the next morning, the family met at
Buster’s sendoff party, where Lucille was not keeping her feelings hidden.
Cut to Lucille’s
apartment. The family’s meeting there... and some black man too. Lindsay and Toiasare not there yet. There’s a banner hanging
that reads: You’re
killing me, Buster
Buster: (opening a present from Lucille) A
camcorder...
Lucille: That’s so you can videotape it when they put you in naked pyramid and
point to your Charlie Browns.
Buster I ought to point to Uncle Oscar’s Charlie
Browns next time you’re on top of him, Mother. (stands
and leaves in a huff, dropping the camera on Michael)
Lucille (to his back) He’s moving out! (to the family) You see how he treats me? Just because he
thinks I’m having an affair with the boy’s uncle.
Oscar Yes, and she’s not having an affair with the
boy’s... (dramatic music sounds) uncle.
Buster (who’s come back) It’s too late for
apologies, I’m going to the Army! (Lucille just stares at him as she walks
away. To Michael, pleading) Get me out, you’ve got
to get me out.
Michael Well, you know, I’m headed down to Mexico to
try to find Dad; but when I get back, maybe we’ll try to figure something out.
Narrator And that’s when Buster decided to sneak into
Mexico to avoid the service.
Buster Oh, no, I think it’ll be worked out by then. (giggles, takes the camera back from Michael and leaves as
Lindsay and Tobias enter)
Lindsay What was that all about? (notices the black guy sitting next to G.O.B., the both of
them looking bored)
Michael I think Buster’s going to escape to Mexico.
Did the secretary not give you the picture for Dad? I need that to show the
people down there.
Lindsay I guess she brought that over. (hands him something in a big roll, without taking her eyes
of and smiling at the black guy)
Michael (unfolds it) Well, this, uh, is a
blueprint... of Dad’s face. She used the big printer, I’ll give her that. Let’s
go. (leaves)
Lindsay Uh, not so fast. (grabs
G.O.B., passing by her side. Re: the black man) G.O.B., who is that man on the couch?
(always flirting at him)
G.O.B. Who, that guy? He’s my friend.
Lindsay You don’t have any friends.
G.O.B. I have lots of friends, Lindsay.
Narrator In fact, the man was Ice, a bounty hunter that
G.O.B. hired to follow Michael.
G.O.B. Ice may be my best friend.
Michael (comes back with his hand bag and goes get
his son) George Michael.
Ice (into a radio. Re: Michael) He’s
moving. (over a radio on G.O.B.) He’s moving. (G.O.B.
starts)
Angle
on Michael and George Michael in the dinning room.
George
Michael: Fun party, huh?
Michael No, no, it isn’t. Let’s go down to Mexico.
George
Michael: All right, let me grab Ann real
quick.
Michael What? Ann’s here?
George
Michael: Yeah, I invited her. (off Michael’s blank face) You-you said you wanted to
spend time some with her. You said I was being an Ann hog.
Michael Ann Hog’s coming? I mean, I thought it was
just going to be...
George
Michael: It’s just Ann.
Michael ...like, the two of
us. All right, well, just load her up in the car.
George
Michael: All right.
They separate and
Michael walks through the living room just as Lupe does too, both leaving.
Lucille: Lupe, that sweater’s not a take-home. Michael,
give her a ride home.
Michael I’m going to have to start putting people in
the trunk.
Lupe gives him a look
as they move out. Ice looks on.
Narrator In fact, at that moment, Buster was climbing
into the trunk.
Cut to the basement
parking where Buster is getting into the trunk of Michael’s car (a Mercedes).
Buster (on the cam’s POV, which also shows its
counter, counting from 00:00:26:17) Mother, when you see this
videotape, you’ll know that I left, not out of cowardice, but out of... Oh,
man, it’s tired in here... (yawns and goes to
sleep. Counter: 00:00:43:20)
Narrator Six minutes later, Michael dropped off his
mother’s housekeeper.
Cut to Michael
pulling on at Lupe’s. Lupe gets off the car.
Cut to inside the trunk,
camera’s POV. Counter: 00:006:17:01
Buster (wakes) Mexico.
Cut back to exterior
view of the car. Lupe’s walking away and Buster gets out of the trunk.
Narrator In fact, he was in Santa Ana, a town six
minutes inland from his own.
Buster walks groggyly
into Lupe’s front yard.
Narrator But the combination of losing his glasses and
breathing carbon monoxide had impaired Buster’s judgment.
Buster (crawling under a jumping platform) This shall keep me safe from the hot Mexican sun.
Lupe Excuse me. What are you doing?
Buster (with “Spanish” accent... or something)
I’m trying to find a place to live.
Lupe: (rolls her eyes) Ay, ahora tengo que
cuidar para retardo.
Subtitle: So now I must take care of Buster.
A shot of retardo’s
stupefied face, and we...
Fade to white.
Commercials.
Fade in from white.
Narrator Michael was heading down to Mexico to find his
fugitive father.
Michael drives to
Mexico. He and Lindsay are in the front seats, and Ann, George Michael and
Maeby ride in the back.
Michael (to Lindsay, whispering) Can you
believe this? This is my trip with my son and he’s too busy whispering secrets
to Ann to say one word to me.
George
Michael: What’s that?
Michael Nothing! We’re not whispering secrets up here.
Lindsay (noticing Ice following them) Hey,
check out who’s on that hog in the rear-view mirror.
Michael George Michael! (turns
around)
George
Michael: What?
Michael (beat) 20 miles to Legoland...!
Cut to the hog as Ice
takes out his cell. In G.O.B.’s office, his phone rings and he answers it. Cut
back and forth between the road and the office.
G.O.B. Yeiss! What have you got?
Ice Still on his tail, we’re about 20 miles from
Legoland.
G.O.B. Go get him, friend.
Ice You’re not my friend, you’re a client. (hangs up)
Narrator G.O.B. realized that perhaps he really didn’t
have any friends.
Upset, G.O.B. hangs
up too.
Narrator And Lucille sent hers away.
Oscar is dragging his
belongings in a bag behind him again, this time out of the apartment.
Lucille (calling out) Buster, Oscar’s leaving!
You win!
Annyong Buster get in trunk
of car.
Lucille So he’s not going to the Army? He must have
had Michael sneak him into Mexico. Oh, thank God! (hugs
Oscar)
Oscar It’s better this way. I’ll go unpack. (turns back around)
Lucille (looks at Annyong for a beat then...)
Here’s some money. Go see a Star War.
Annyong takes the
money and leaves. There’s a knock on the door.
Lucille (calls out) Who
is it?!
G.O.B. Uh, your son.
Lucille (opening the door just a little and with a
very suspicious look in her face) What?
G.O.B. I was looking for Buster.
Lucille He’s not here. (starts
closing the door)
G.O.B. (stops her) Well, what are you doing?
Maybe you want to go out, or...?
Lucille Why are you trying to get me out of the house?
G.O.B. I just thought that we could hang out.
But Lucille, never
taking her even more suspicious eyes from him, slowly just closes the door in
his face. G.O.B. just stands there, helplessly touching the door.
Narrator Lucille was suspicious that G.O.B. was up to
some sort of power grab.
Lucille: (dials her phone) Gene Parmesan? Lucille Bluth. My son is trying to
get me out of my house. I think he may be up to something.
Immediately, there’s
a knock on the door.
Lucille Uh, hold on. That’s probably him. (answers the door. There’s a guy dressed as a big blue dog
holding some balloons there) Gene? (the dog
shakes his head “no”. Turns around, talks back into the phone) It’s just
some idiot with balloons.
Gene
Parmesan: (taking off his costume’s head,
he’s all sweaty and has an earpiece on) Oh, is it?
Lucille (screams with excitement) I knew it! (sobering up) I want you to keep an eye on my son, G.O.B.
(Gene nods)
Narrator And Buster was finding himself right at home.
Cut to Buster walking
through Lupe’s house.
Buster (pointing to a kid he crosses paths with) Oh,
my God! I used to have a shirt just like that. (walks
on)
Narrator It was Buster’s old shirt. Lucille had given
it to Lupe.
Buster (walking into the living room) And the
hand chair! I had one in my room! I wonder where that went.
Narrator It went right there.
Buster Well, I never thought I’d miss a hand so much.
You people are just like me. (laughs goofily)
Narrator Meanwhile, in the real Mexico, Michael had found
the staircar.
Cut to Mexico.
Michael and his group arrive.
Michael Oop, there it is.
Angle
on the staircar. Some Mexicans are using its stairs to jump over the border, luggage and
all.
Narrator And Michael set about finding his father.
Cut to Michael showing
some Mexican men the “blueprint” of his father’s face.
Mexican
Man #1: Oh, yeah, sure, señor, no
problem. When do you want us to start building?
Michael Uh, thank you. Gracias.
(rolls back the “blueprint” and leaves)
George
Michael: (approaches) Hey, Dad? Dad?
Michael Yeah?
George
Michael: So what do you think of Ann so far?
Michael Oh, Ann? I-I just, you know?,
I-I barely know her, you know? Neither of us do. She’s
just really some girl as far as we’re concerned, right? I-I-I’m determined
to get to know her. Okay?
George
Michael: Yeah. Okay, I have an idea: when we
go back, why don’t just the two of you go back in the staircar together?
Michael Well, that’s no fun. (beat)
For you. You know?, you guys,
you guys should be together. Uh... Or
maybe just you and me, if you’d rather.
George
Michael: (unsure) Yeah...
Michael (off his son’s reaction) Or me and Ann...
George
Michael: (quickly) Great,
yes! Okay! I’ll tell Maeby that I’ll be going back with her and Aunt Lindsay. Great. (starts leaving)
Michael (stopping him) Well,
no, no, wait, let’s-let’s keep looking for Pop-Pop, you know?
George
Michael: Okay.
Michael Maybe somebody in the church will know
something. (they head for the church)
Narrator In fact, George Sr. was in the
church...
Cut to inside the
church. George Sr. is being waked there. There’s a closed casket with some
flowers in a vase and a photo on top. Close up on the photo: it’s George Sr. in
a suit, holding a frozen banana.
Narrator ...where he was mourned by his longtime assistant
and accomplice to his escape, Kitty,
Angle on Kitty, who’s
sobbing.
Narrator as only a few days earlier, he’d been declared
dead.
Flashback. On-screen title: a few days earlier...
Two mexican policemen cover George Sr.’s body with a blanket.
Two other Mexican men
walk by. The one behind shoots into the air and almost immediately, the one
walking in front is hit by a stray bullet and drops.
Mexican
Man #2: Ay!
Back
to the present.
Michael an George Michael continue walking toward the church.
Narrator But before Michael could go inside the
church...
Ice: Aaahh!
Ice jumps Michael and
drops him to the ground.
Michael (getting up) Hey, wait a minute, wait a
minute! I know you! You are G.O.B.’s friend!
Ice (holding Michael by his arm) Not friend: bounty hunter.
Michael (astonished) Gene? There’s no way
you’re that good.
Ice Name’s Ice. G.O.B. hired me to stop you from
fleeing the country. (watches George Michael
cautiosly)
Michael Come... What? Are you kidding me?, I’m not fleeing the country. (frees
himself) I’m here looking for my father. But you’re obviously better at
this kind of thing, so I’ll tell you what: I’m going to continue paying you to
find my father. You can also collect a real bounty on his head. (shows him George Sr.’s big blueprint)
Ice Nice deck. Is this where you saw him last?
Michael No, this- that’s actually him. (rotates the “blueprint”) He’s much smaller in real life.
Ice I can see that’s a man. I’ll find him. (leaves on his new mission)
Michael (brushing himself off) Lucky.
Lindsay (approaches quickly) What
did he say? Did he ask about me? (smiling) I
can’t believe he followed us all the way to Mexico.
Michael Uh, that’s a bounty hunter. And he’s on the
case, so we can all head home.
Lindsay So... he’s not interested in me?
Michael Not unless you know where Dad is. (moves on, calls his son) George Michael. (his son follows him)
Getting an idea,
Lindsay takes out her phone and talks while passing Ice, making sure she’s
heard by him.
Lindsay (answering a fake call) Oh, hi, Dad.
Yeah, they think you’re in Mexico, I’ll see you when I get home. (beat) Oh, yes, thank you. No, I found my birth control
pills. Thanks for asking, Dad.
Ice, who’s showing
George Sr.’s “blueprint” to a Mexican woman, eyes her suspiciously.
On the background we
see that Maeby’s heard everything too and is on to her mom. Sick of it, she
turns and leaves.
Narrator Maeby had had enough of her mother and decided
to go back with Michael.
Maeby (entering the staircar where Michael waits)
I’m so sick of her. The lame flirting...
Narrator Michael, of course, thought Maeby was
referring to Ann.
Michael You know, I-I think he’s going to get sick of
her before it goes too far.
Maeby Of course, he will. She’s a child.
Michael Well, that part’s not really her fault. I-I
just hate to see him wasting his time, you know?
Maeby Let’s just go. I’ll be in your car.
Michael Well, is George Michael okay with that?
Maeby It’s fine. Just drive. (Michael starts the
staircar)
Narrator At no point were Michael and Maeby talking
about the same person, and there were only four people in their group.
Maeby And it’s not a race thing.
Michael Yeah, whoever gets there first.
(Maeby gives him a weird look)
Narrator And so, Michael left with his niece,...
Shot of the staircar
leaving.
Narrator ...followed by his sister and his son,...
Shot of Michael’s car
leaving.
Narrator ...followed by the bounty hunter.
Shot of Ice leaving
on his hog.
Narrator: Unfortunately, this left the girl
Michael was determined to get to know alone in Mexico.
Shot of Ann coming
out of the church to find herself all alone.
Narrator: Meanwhile, Buster was adapting to
life in what he thought was Mexico but was, in fact, a town so close to home
that they shared a paper boy.
Cut to Buster at
apparently some party at Lupe’s front yard.
Paperboy (passing by in his car and throwing a
paper) I know that guy. Hey! Where’s your mother?
Buster (to Lupe) Oh, I love this way of life.
This is where I belong. I love being Mexican.
Lupe's
Brother: (approaches) We must work now, amigo. Adiós.
Buster Oh, no, no, no, I’m going with you. (“Mexican”
accent... or something) I am one of you now. ¿Sí?
For a beat, Lupe’s
brother’s a little thrown, but then...
Lupe's
Brother: (laughing) Love it! Love it!
Lupe’s brother and a
bunch of other guys leave, taking Buster with them.
Narrator: And Michael, on his way back home,
bonded with Maeby.
Cut to the staircar
with Michael and Maeby.
Maeby I mean, why does everyone have to date,
anyways?
Michael Right, I mean, isn’t family enough for people?
(Maeby stares at him) And, you know, not to feel sorry for myself, but
it’s like I’m being forgotten here.
Flash of Ann all
alone in Mexico, sitting on a bench.
Narrator And soon, they all arrived at home.
Cut to the model
home. Lindsay and George Michael enter.
Lindsay Hey! You’re here already.
Michael Yeah, we won.
George
Michael: So, uh, you guys have a good talk?
Michael Yeah, great talk. That cousin of yours is a
hell of a girl. It’s too bad you can’t date her.
George
Michael: No, I meant... (realizing, hopeful) Wait, you wouldn’t have a problem
with that? (off Michael’s weird look) Nothing! (chuckles) No, I was talking about Ann. What’d you think
of her? (smiles)
Michael face goes
pale.
Cut to the staircar.
Michael drives and George Michael rides besides him, both in silence. Michael
looks at George Michael who looks back at him for a second, very worried and
anxious.
Fade to white.
Commercials.
Fade in from white.
Narrator Michael had just discovered he’d left his
son’s girlfriend in Mexico.
Michael She’s gonna to be
fine. We’ve just got to beat the sun. (angry look
from his son) Hey, you think I’m happy about this? (George Michael
doesn’t even look at him) But, hey, we are getting that trip together we
wanted, though, huh? (another pissed look) And
look, two exits to Legoland.
George
Michael: I just want to find Ann.
Michael (covering) That’s
my whole thing too.
Narrator And G.O.B. was still searching for a friend.
Cut to G.O.B. approaching
Tobias in the bathroom as he blues himself.
G.O.B. Show tonight?
Tobias Well, I won’t know officially until 8:01. But
I figured if I blue myself early, I’d be nice and relaxed for a 9:00 dinner
reservation. (weirded out, G.O.B. leaves. Tobias is
oblivious) And if you’d like, I could make that reservation for... (looks up and realizes he’s alone)
Cut to G.O.B. talking
to Lindsay, who’s looking out a window with binoculars.
G.O.B. Looking for some company or...?
Lindsay I sure am.
(Flash
of Ice outside. He’s leaning on his hog, looking back at the model house with
binoculars too. Cut back to inside the model house, where G.O.B. opens the
curtains a little to look out too.)
Lindsay: What are you doing? You’re going to scare away
the Ice.
G.O.B. Ice?! (opens the
curtains more and leans into the window to get a better look) Ice’s out
there? Where’s Michael?
Lindsay He went back to Mexico.
G.O.B. I knew he was trying to flee. (leaves)
Lindsay (Ice has left, though his hog is still
there) Where the hell did he go?
As Tobias walks walks
through the foyer, Ice tackles him down.
Ice: Aaggh!
Tobias Oh!
Lindsay (coming down the stairs) Ice! What are
you doing?
Ice George Bluth, you’re coming with me.
Lindsay That’s not my father.
Ice (unfolding his “photo”) Well, according to my photograph, it is.
Tobias (sees the “blueprint”, wheezing) It’s
an honest mistake. Also, I think your knee is on my heart.
Lindsay He’s my husband, my father is probably still
in Mexico! I was just hoping to have sex with you.
Tobias Why am I not blacking out?
Ice He set me up. Michael set me up! (gets up and leaves)
Tobias Hey, who wants to go to the hospital? (Lindsay
sits beside her fallen husband)
Cut to Buster and the
“Mexicans” in the back of a van.
Narrator And Buster went to his job as a dishwasher.
Buster This is great! We’re like slave buddies! (laughs. The van stops and all the guys get off, Buster last)
Oh!
Cut to Michael and
George Michael looking for Ann in Mexico.
Narrator Soon, the guys arrived in Mexico and split up
to find Ann.
Michael thinks he
sees her and goes to her...
Michael Ann? Ann? Oh, thank God you’re all right.
...but he it’s
another girl (who is with her mother, by the way). Behind
him, sitting on the bench...
Ann 2.0 Mr. Bluth?
Michael (turns around and goes to her) Ann, oh,
thank God you’re all right. (she
stands) Uh, you are Ann, right? (Ann says nothing) Yes, of course
you are.
George
Michael: (approaches) Ann!
Michael It is!
George
Michael: Oh, my...
Michael We got her. (give
his son two thumbs up and a big smile) Okay, let’s go ahead and load her up
in the truck. I think we’re crashing some poor guy’s wake.
Michael looks at the
church. Kitty is at the door and he begins to recognize her and starts to
approach when...
G.O.B.: (tackling him down) Michael, Michael,
Michael! (Kitty passes them by)
Michael: (as they get up) G.O.B.?! What are you doing?!
G.O.B. Fleeing the country, you bastard?!
Michael No, I’m still not fleeing!,
okay? I’m just here to pick up my son’s girlfriend. (points
at her, G.O.B. looks) She ran off the last time we were leaving.
Ann 2.0 Actually, I-I was sitting right there the
whole time.
George
Michael: Yeah, way to plant, Ann!
Michael George Michael, why don’t you and Plant just
wait in the staircar? I’m just going to finish up with G.O.B.
George
Michael: What a scare. (leaves with Ann)
G.O.B. What? That’s his girlfriend?
Michael Yeah.
G.O.B. What, is she funny or
something?
Michael Don’t-don’t worry about it. Why do you keep
thinking that I’m running away?
G.O.B. I mean, it is kind of
suspicious you didn’t even ask me to drive down here with you.
Michael Well, the only reason I didn’t ask you to come
with us is because of your chicken impression.
G.O.B. Yeah, we sure did get in a lot of trouble for
that last time, didn’t we?
Michael Oh, yeah.
G.O.B. I was all... (demostrates)
Coka-coka-coka-coh! Do you remember? Coka-coka-coka-coh-! (a Mexican guy tackles G.O.B. down)
Michael: No, no! Get off him! He doesn’t know what he’s doing, he’s American.
Gene Parmesan: Americano, eh? A-just-a like-a me! (rips off his fake mustache... that's over
his real mustache and beard, revealing himself) Gene Parmesan. How you doing?
G.O.B. Gene, what the hell are you doing?!
Gene
Parmesan: Well, your mother sent me to find
you. She was worried you were up to something.
G.O.B. I was just looking for a friend.
Michael What?
G.O.B. Yeah, that’s right, Michael. I went to our
mother because I don’t have any friends.
Gene
Parmesan: Oh, that’s funny. (laughs)
Michael Thank you. Gene, can I just have a private
moment, please, with...? (gently pushes him away)
Gene
Parmesan: Okay, you’re on the clock. (leaves)
Michael Thank you. (Gene leaves) G.O.B., what
are you talking about? If anybody needs a friend right now, it’s me! I mean,
you know?, my son’s furious at me, and he spends all
of his free time with this girl that frankly, I’m not that crazy about.
G.O.B. Not crazy about? Or not
crazy about your son growing up?
Michael (really thinking about it) Uh... uh... maybe-maybe you’re right about that. And I
really haven’t gotten to know her. I’ve been a little selfish, so... See?, you are a friend, you know? I’m always going to look out
for you, all right? (G.O.B. looks over Michael’s sholder) And... you’re always going to look
out for me...
Yelling, Ice tackles
Michael once again, and he goes down.
G.O.B. (to Michael on the floor) Sorry, I did
see him coming. It’s just... I kind of wanted to see where you were going with
that. (Michael stares at him but says nothing)
Cut to Michael
getting on the staircar with George Michael and Ann.
George
Michael: Where’s Uncle G.O.B.?
Michael Well, I gave the bounty hunter and the P.I. a
few extra bucks to be his friends for the weekend, while the three of them are
looking for my father. And I want to get to know a new friend too. Ann, why
don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself?
Ann gives a little
smile. While Ann thinks about where to start, Micheal starts the staircar and give George Michael a wink.
Cut to Buster washing
dishes in some kitchen.
Narrator The next day, Buster was happy...
Smiling, Buster gets
some waiter’s clothes and changes out of the kitchen ones.
Narrator: ...and he decided to never go home
again.
Cut to Buster smiling
and climbing a flight of stairs to deliver an order of strawberries, cream and
champagne. He opens the door to his mother’s kitchen.
Buster: Delivery from the kitchen!
Narrator But unfortunately, he was already there.
Lucille is there on
top of Oscar, making out over the kitchen island.
Buster (gasps) Mother!
Lucille Buster! I thought you were in Mexico!
Buster So did I!
Lucille Oh!
Cut to the Bluth Co.,
G.O.B.’s office. Michael’s on the phone. Behind him there’s a picture that
reads: Keep An Open Mind
Narrator And the next day, Michael returned to work,
knowing a little more about his son’s girlfriend.
Michael ...you tell Ann to make sure she studies for
Mr. Mason’s Algebra Two test tomorrow. (G.O.B. approaches) And tell her
to make sure that Kim Cho doesn’t cheat off her this time. (chuckles and hangs up)
G.O.B. Wow. You really got to know her.
Michael Well, we did spend three hours together in
that car ride.
G.O.B. So, what’d you think?
Michael (whispers) I don’t like her.
Cut to the: on the next... arrested DEVELOPMENT title screen.
Narrator On the next Arrested Development, Buster
reclaims his favorite chair...
Cut to Buster taking
his hand chair back into his room and sitting on it, smiling.
Narrator: ...but the victory is short-lived.
Cut to Buster
entering his room and gasping as he finds his mom and uncle making out on his
hand chair. They stop as he enters. On-screen title: moments later...
Buster Make love in your own hand, Mother! (leaves slamming the door)
Narrator: And Tobias gets medical attention.
Cut to the hospital’s
waiting room. Lindsay, Maeby and Lucille are there. A doctor
appraoches them.
Lindsay Ah, thank God, a new doctor. Finally we can
get a straight answer in this place. (the three
stand up)
Gene
Parmesan: Uh, I’ve got some bad news. I’m... (pulls down his face mask,
revealing himself) Gene Parmesan. How you doing? (holds out his hand)
Lucille (screams with excitment) He got me
again! (shaking Gene’s hand)
Gene
Parmesan: But I did overhear that he’s
bleeding internally. (nods)
The three women look
shocked and dumbfounded.
Fade to white.
Closing
titles.