G.O.B.: No, I’m a magician. (puts the dove inside his jacket, goes for the door)

Dove cooing. Thud, as G.O.B. hits the door, trying to push it instead of pulling. Bell rings, then the cooing stops.

G.O.B.: (trying to sound nonchalant) What is your return policy, by the way?

Back to the present.

Lindsay: Not that I have to defend myself, but for your information, I did go shopping.

Michael: (going through a shopping bag) You spent $68 on hair conditioner?

Lindsay: Small price to pay for self-esteem, Michael. Or are you still jealous that you lost “Best Hair” to me in high school and got “Dorkiest”?

Narrator: Lindsay’s achievements in high school had always overshadowed Michael’s.

Yearbook pictures.

Lindsay’s and Roger Danish’s big-haired 80’s pictures under the title: Best Hair

Below, an asian girl’s and Michael’s pictures under the title: Most Likely to Succeed

Back to the present.

Tobias: (stands) I agree with Michael: it’s important not to tie your self-esteem to how you look or what people think of you. I mean, look at me- I’m an actor. An actor, for crying out loud! You know how much rejection I face every day? But in this business of show, you have to have the heart of an angel and the hide... of an elephant.

Lindsay: But you’ve never actually had an audition.

Tobias: Well... excuuuse me! (does a little dance. Pause as everyone is silent) Excuse me. (leaves and goes upstairs)

Michael: Some really great spousal support. You know something, Lindsay?, you might want to start thinking about the example you’re setting for your daughter, unless you want her to end up just like you.

Reveal Maeby lying down behind Lindsay’s couch, playing with a Gameboy.

Maeby: Yeah, shoot me when that happens.

Michael: Is there a carbon monoxide leak in this house? (to his son behind him) George Michael, you’re taking your cousin to work today. That’s your new employee. (George Michael’s face falls) I do not want my niece to end up just like everyone in this family.

Lindsay: (stands) You’re not telling my daughter what to do. She’s a child!

Maeby: (stands) No, I’m not. I can work.

George Michael: Uh, I-I don’t know about this. You know, it can get pretty hairy in there...

Lindsay: (to Michael) Fine, do what you want. If I know my daughter, that stand won’t be there in a week. (leaves)

Michael: (to his son. Re: Maeby) You stay on top of her, buddy. Do not be afraid to ride her. Hard.

George Michael swallows, his mind reeling.

Fade to white. Commercials.

Narrator: George Michael’s attempt to distance himself from his cousin proved... unsuccessful.

George Michael and Maeby are at the banana stand. Maeby dips her hand in the liquid chocolate and then licks her fingers.

George Michael: I can’t tell you how many health codes you’re violating right now.

Maeby: I can’t believe I volunteered for this. This is my stupidest rebellion ever. (taking money from the register) Hey, you want to go play skee-ball?

George Michael: Well, this is the cash drawer. My dad’s going to come by at the end of the weekend and the number of bananas has to match the amount of money in here.

Maeby: Oh, so it all has to even out?

George Michael: Exactly.

Maeby: Easy. Banana... (throws a banana into a garbage bin...) Buck. (and takes a buck from the register) Banana... Take a buck. (doing it again as George Michael just watches)

Narrator: And Michael went to his mother for the flight records his father wouldn’t give him.

Michael rides his bike to Lucille’s apartment in the Balboa Towers.

Lucille: (on the phone) Then why don’t you marry an ice-cream sandwich? (notices Michel entering the room) I’ve got to go.

Michael: Who was that? Was that Dad?

Lucille: That was G.O.B.

Michael: (yeah, right) Uh-huh. So, Mom, I’m trying to find...

Lucille: I don’t know where they are.

Michael: ...these flight records. You know?, it’s really more believable if you let me finish. Why am I the only one that seems to get how much trouble this family is in?

Lucille: Oh, I get it, Michael, I get it. But how should I know where the records are kept? Your father’s in charge of all that.

Michael: No, I’m in charge of all of that, and I think that you do know where they are.

Lucille: Oh, it’s probably all in a storage unit somewhere.

Michael: Where’s the storage unit?

Lucille: I don’t remember.

Michael: Try.

Lucille: Something-dale. I don’t know- Brookfeather, Raintree. It’s hot. It was very hot there. I’ve never been... get a warrant.

Michael: Don’t think I won’t! (pause as she starts to walk away from him) Mother, Mother, I care about this family.

Lucille: (turns back to him) And I do too, my darling. That’s why I’m worried about G.O.B... I was on the phone with him this morning.

Michael: You mean just now, right? When I came in?

Lucille: Yes, just now, when you came in. (ignores his look) And he’s upset, he’s very upset. You haven’t included him in the business at all. He’s your older brother. You could find a little job for him. Make him feel special.

Michael: But he’s not special, Mother.

Lucille: No. But he loves you. (pinches his cheeks) We all love you.

Michael: Where’s the storage unit?

Lucille: It’s with your warrant.

O.S. laughter. It's Luz behind Lucille. She’s carrying a coat, partially dragging it on the floor.

Lucille: (turning around) Luz, that coat cost more than your house! (off Michael’s look, dismissive) Oh, that’s how we joke. She doesn’t even have a house.

Michael makes a little smile gesture and leaves.

Narrator: The next day, Tobias looked for work.

Tobias is at a newsstand looking at magazines. He spots one with it’s name partially covered.

Tobias: Hmm- “Actor Pull.” (he gets it and goes to read it on a outdoors couch. Flipping through it, he finds a “Parts” section) Oh, look at all these parts! (but soon he realizes the magazine is really called “Tractor Pull” and it is about tractors, of course. He sighs)

Michael: (approaches, ironic) Tobias. Nice to see you off the couch.

Tobias: I was looking for work, and... I blew it, Michael! (rueful chuckle)

Michael: Yeah, I guess you’ve already seen that. (pointing to a sign on the board behing Tobias)

Tobias: Yes, I have, but... (looks back and notices it for the first time) Oh, right, this one. Yeah, I... I’ll call them again, I guess. (takes one of the paper slips on the sign...) I give them... one more shot. (...but then takes the whole thing as he stands up and leaves)

Still looking at the board, Michael sees another sign, this one for a Pre-Christmas Fur Sale.

Narrator: And that’s when Michael figured out how to get his mother to lead him to the storage unit where the flight records were kept.

In Lucille’s appartment, the phone is ringing.

Lucille: Hello?

Michael: Yeah, hey, Mom, it’s Michael. Listen, before I forget, I talked to the IRS, and they want to come by your apartment today to see if you charged any big ticket stuff to the company. Furs, or... I don’t know. Just a heads up.

Michael hangs up. He was calling from the street just outside Lucille’s building, and now he sees Luz coming out with a whole rack of fur coats.

Michael: Oh, that poor woman.

Luz takes a bus, dragging the rack of fur coats.

Narrator: So Michael followed Luz, who had been sent to hide the evidence.

Michael follows the bus riding his bike.

Narrator: Meanwhile, Tobias had arranged an audition for a local commercial. Lindsay came along to appear supportive.

Tobias and Lindsay are waiting sitting in a hallway outside an office. Tobias is called in.

Tobias: This could take awhile.

Lindsay: Honey, it’s one line.

Tobias: Not if I do my job right. (stands and goes in)

Now Tobias is auditioning for Roger Danish.

Tobias: First of all, I love it. Quick question, though: am I panicked about the fire, or am I being brave for everyone else?

Roger Danish: The fire? It’s-- it’s a fire sale.

Tobias: (chuckling) Oh... Okay. I didn’t, um... Well, let’s give it a shot. (takes a deep breath) Oh, my God, we’re having a fire...! (reads from the script) ...sale. Oh, the burning! It burns me! Evacuate all the schoolchildren!

Small smash cuts of more of Tobias auditioning.

Tobias: (screaming, singing “Amazing Grace”) This isn’t a fever! (continues singing) (on the floor) Can’t even see where the knob is! (dramatic sigh) And scene. (takes a bow)

Roger Danish: Um... would you like to try that a little... simpler... maybe?

Tobias: (considers it for a beat) No.

Cut to the hallway. The office doors open and Tobias comes out smiling.

Roger Danish: Okay, anybody else? Anyone? (sees her) Lindsay Bluth?

Tobias: It’s Fünke.

Lindsay: Roger Danish. (smiling broadly)

Roger Danish: Look at you. I can’t believe it’s Lindsay Bluth.

Lindsay: Oh...! (goes to say "Hi" with a kiss on the cheek)

Tobias: (correcting Roger again) Fünke.

Lindsay: Roger was my male counterpart in high school.

Quick flash of Lindsay & Roger's yearbook pictures from before.

Roger Danish: Remember how crazy our hair was back then?

Lindsay: What were we thinking?

They laugh... but their hair now is just as crazy!

Lindsay: So, what are you doing now?

Tobias: He’s, uh, casting my commercial.

Roger Danish: Yeah, trying to. The South Coast Boutique is having a fire sale.

Lindsay: South Coast Boutique? They’re having a fire sale?!

Roger Danish’s smile fades. He can't believe it, he's found his actress. Tobias notices and his face falls.

Narrator: Meanwhile, Michael was still following his mother’s housekeeper.

While Michael looks on, Luz gets off the bus... and takes a another, always with the rack of fur coats in tow.

Narrator: And she did finally lead him to the storage unit. Unfortunately, it was on fire.

Michael arrives on his bike. The firemen are already at work. Michael finds a partially burnt and soiled picture on the floor, picks it up and cleans it up.

Fireman: Somebody wanted this place to go.

Michael: Yeah? What do you mean? Arson?

Fireman: Oh, definitely the work of a flamer.

Michael thinks about the fireman's words as he looks at the picture he picked up the floor. Now we can see it’s his father's. Michael now looks at the burnt building. Behind him, Luz's bus arrives, she gets off but seeing what's happened, turns around to get back in the bus, which has already closed it's doors, so she shouts and bangs on the doors to be let back in.

Fade to white. Commercials.

At the model home. Lindsay and Tobias are just in the door, carrying some shopping bags.

Lindsay: It shoots tomorrow, and are you ready for this? It pays 1,000 bucks!

Michael: Hmm, I thought that was Tobias’ part.

Tobias: Yeah, no, no, I did not book this one. I, uh... think I made the fire too real, uh, for them, and, uh, and probably failed to highlight the sale, so, good for her, and, uh... will you excuse me, please? (laughing/crying he leaves, going upstairs)

Michael: Well, listen, that’s great, Lindsay. But, I’ve got my own problems. The flight records, they’ve burned up, okay? That’s fine. That’s over with. But I think Dad is behind it. I think Dad is trying to run the business from prison.

Lindsay: Well, isn’t that ironic? I’m making a fortune at my new job, and you don’t even have the job you thought you did.

Michael: But, but you don’t have a job. You’ve got a job offer. Anybody can get a job offer.

Flash of Tobias crying in the shower.

Michael: So, I’m going to go see Dad, because this is my business to run now.

Reveal G.O.B. taking his frozen dove bag out of the refrigerator.

G.O.B.: Your business?

Michael: Hey, there you are, G.O.B.! I have been looking all over for you. I could really use some help.

G.O.B.: Well, I was going to return this dove. What? You want me to run a meeting for you or something? (taking the “DO NOT EAT” note off the bag)

Michael: Or, even better, could you mail this letter for me? (shows him the letter)

G.O.B.: You can’t just give that to a mailman?

Michael: I can’t trust a mailman with this. This is important.

Narrator: G.O.B. was intrigued. He also suspected he couldn’t return a completely frozen dove to a pet store and get the full refund he felt he was entitled to.

G.O.B.: (bangs the bag on the counter, takes the letter from Michael's hands) I’ll mail that letter.

Michael winks at him and leaves.

Narrator: Michael then went to confront his father.

Orange County Prision

Michael: You’re not going to keep running this company from in here, okay? That’s why you wanted me to give T-Bone a job, to pay him back for burning down the storage unit?

George, Sr.: Michael, that’s ridiculous.

Michael: Yeah, well, I’m not hiring him. No, we don’t have the money, Pop.

George, Sr.: (looking to the side) There’s always money in the banana stand. (makes a clicking sound with his mouth)

Michael: The banana stand... you know?, that’s exactly what this feels like. Huh? Like I’m still stuck in that hot booth all summer with you pulling the strings.

George, Sr.: What was I going to do? Put a kid in charge of a frozen banana stand?

Michael: Sure, that’s what I did. I just made my son the manager.

George, Sr.: George Michael is running the frozen banana stand now?

Michael: Yeah, that’s right, yeah. You sit with that, you think about that for a while.

After a pause, Michael leaves.

Narrator: George, Sr. did think about that.

Frozen banana stand. Now T-Bone has joined George Michael and Maeby in the stand.

Maeby: Well, now that we’ve got an employee, we can go have dinner. (opens the register, takes some cash and throws a bunch of bananas to the garbage. As she counts the money, she explains to T-Bone) We throw away a banana for every buck we take so no one finds out.

T-Bone: Wait a minute, I think you should do that math again.

George Michael: (really nervous) Wh-why? Is it wrong?

Maeby: It’s fine. He’s an arsonist, not an embezzler.

Narrator: Meanwhile, Michael got urgent call from his mother.

Michael is riding his bike. His cell phone rings and he anwers it without stopping.

At Lucille's apartment, she talks while grooming herself, preparing to go out. NOT on the phone.

Lucille: G.O.B. is unhappy.

Reveal Micheal is there besides her now.

Michael: Again? I tried to include him, I gave him a job.

Lucille: You gave him a letter to mail.

Michael: And don’t tell me that was too much for him?

Lucille: No, Michael, he mailed the letter. letter. (whispers as if it were a secret) That’s not the point.

Flashback.

Narrator: G.O.B. had not mailed the letter but, in and act of defiance, dramatically hurled the letter into the sea.

G.O.B. tries hurling the letter into the sea, but the wind from the sea blows it back and lands it on the beach.

Narrator: This proved a more difficult dramatic gesture than he’d anticipated.

Gob tries it several times more, always with the same result, till he finally goes to throw it from inside the sea. He runs in, falls and gets soaked, but seems to complete his task.

Back to the present

Michael: So what do you want me to do about it?

Lucille: Don’t take that tone. He’s my son. I want you to make him stop calling me.

Lindsay: (O.S.) Am I the only one who works in this family?

Michael turns around. Reveal Lindsay and Tobias are also there in Lucille's apartment, probably just in the door.

Tobias: (laughs) Yes, that’s my gal. Who would have imagined?, two actors in one family. (strikes a pose) We’re like the Lunts! (pause as nobody says anything) Excuse me... (leaves, presumably to cry some more in the bathroom)

Lindsay: (approches Lucille) Hello, Mom. (they kiss on the cheek and go for the door)

Narrator: And so, Lindsay and Maeby separately went to the same restaurant to celebrate the jobs they hadn’t actually performed, with money they hadn’t actually earned.

Split screen showing them both at a restaurant. Then Lindsay’s image fills the screen.

Lindsay: Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.

A female voice: (O.S.) Hi, Lucille!

Lucille: (waving and smiling at the unseen woman) Not as much as you enjoyed yours. (goes serious) You want your belt to buckle, not your chair.

Lindsay: Okay, this is what I told Tobias you’d do. Say what you will about him, at least he’s happy for me.

Flash of Tobias sobbing in Lucille's tub. Wearing his cutoffs, of course.

Angle on another table.

George Michael: You know, I think we might be doubling our losses here. Because, I mean, for every dollar you take, you’re actually taking two dollars because we paid for the bananas.

Maeby: (laughs) Oh, my God, you’re right.

George Michael: (suddenly very nervous again) I am? Oh, God! I’ve screwed this up! Okay, we gotta go. (stands, sees something, and quickly sits again) Oh, my God! It’s your mom and Gangee!

Maybe: (turning her head to see) What are they doing here?!

George Michael: They’re grown-ups, they’re allowed to have fun! We’re kids, we’re supposed to be working! Oh, great. Now they’re going to tell my dad and he’s going to come check the totals and know we took the money. Oh, God, this is bad.

Maeby: Look...

George Michael: (mostly to himself, his head in his hands) What are we going to do?

Maeby: Pop-pop. He’s a business man. What would he do?

George Michael watches Lindsay & Lucille's table as a female waiter brings them their dessert.

Waiter #1: Bananas Foster. (she sets them on fire)

Angle on Lindsay and Lucille’s table.

Lucille: You might want to let that fire go out before you stick your face in it.

Lindsay: Ah, that’s funny. Because I was going to say “You might want to lean away from that fire since you’re soaked in alcohol.”

Lucille: (smiles) Mine was better.

Michael walks up to the banana stand.

T-Bone: Welcome to Bluth Bananas, where bananas are our business. May I interest you in a banana this day?

Michael: T-Bone, what are you doing here?

T-Bone: Oh, your dad gave me this job.

Michael shakes his head, turns around and starts to walk away...

Narrator: Michael realized that his father had even taken control of the banana stand.

...but then stops and goes ack to the banana stand.

Narrator: But he still had some unanswered questions, so he did a little detective work.

Michael: You burn down the storage unit?

T-Bone: Oh, most definitely.

Michael nods and goes away.

Now Michael is sitting alone at the beach, looking at the sea.

G.O.B.: (comes up) Michael. Having a nice day at the beach, while the rest of us are busting our asses to deliver your mail?

Michael: (stands) What do you want me to say, okay? You go and you complained to Mom, and I tried to include you.

G.O.B.: Include me?!

Michael: Yeah!

G.O.B.: I should be in charge. I’m the older brother.

Michael: Do you even want to be in charge?

G.O.B.: No... but I’d like to be asked! You know, it’s just like when we were kids and you were the only one he let work in the banana stand.

Michael: Well, I got news for you, G.O.B.: Dad still doesn’t trust me to this day. Treats me like a low-level employee.

G.O.B.: It’s better than being treated like a goofball. The joker... the magician. (makes a flourish with his hands)

Michael: I thought you were going to do like a trick there, like a fireball or something.

G.O.B.: I was, it didn’t go off. These things never go off when you want ’em to. (Michael’s cell phone rings) My least consistent trick.

Michael: Hold on one sec. (answering the cell) Hello?

Maeby: Hey, Uncle Michael, it’s me, Maeby.

Michael: Hey, Maeby, where is George Michael?

Maeby: (calling from a pay phone) At the banana stand. He’s about to do something really... irresponsible.

Michael: You think it’s irresponsible? I’ll be right there.

At the banana stand. George Micheal is knealing on the floor putting some newspapers at the base of the banana stand as T-Bone, still inside the stand, hangs over him.

T-Bone: I’m going to get blamed for this.

Michael: (approaches) George Michael?

George Michael: (stands quickly) Dad!

Michael: Hey, what are you doing?

George Michael: (tries to think of something…) I was just, uh... (...but quickly gives up) I was burning down the banana stand.

Michael: What?

George Michael: I’m sorry, dad, I screwed it all up. I’ve no right to call myself Mr. Manager.

Michael: Manager.

George Michael: Manager. I’m sorry, dad...

Michael: Oh, George Michael..

George Michael: I am..., I mean..., but listen, I’ll make it up to you. I mean, I’ll work weeknights. I’ll lay people off. I’ll give up my summer, all my summers. Just, just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.

Narrator: Michael realized he had done to his son what his father had done to him. So he came up with a solution.

Michael: Burn it down.

George Michael: What?

Michael: (smiles) Let’s burn this son of a bitch.

Slowly, George Michael smiles too.

Cut to a little later, at night. The banana stand burns.

Michael: (putting an arm around his son's shoulders) It's going to be our best summer ever, buddy.

G.O.B. approaches in his Segway.

Narrator: And so Michael, his son and his brother, together enjoyed the cathartic burning of the banana stand.

Michael: You mailed that insurance check, right, G.O.B.?

Without a word, GOB stealthily backs away in his Segway, but George Michael and Michael realize. GOB is making a run for it. Michael runs after him as George Michael stays there watching the fire.

Fade to white and fade back in.

Narrator: The next morning, Lindsay woke up late in the day, hung over from celebrating her one day of employment, which it turns out, she had slept through.

At the model home, Lindsay wakes up in the couch. Now she is checking the messages in the answering machine, which beeps.

Roger Danish’s voice: ...all right, Lindsay, forget it. We’ll get someone else.

Lindsay’s face is deadpan.

Narrator: Tobias was next on the call list, but unfortunately, couldn’t hear the phone over the sound of the shower.

In the bathroom, Tobias cell phone rings, but he is crying in the shower and washing the very little hair on his head.

Narrator: He did, however, use Lindsay’s conditioner and was surprised to find that it did help his self-esteem.

Tobias and Lindsay room. Tobias comes out of the bathroom and Lindsay goes in.

Lindsay: You look nice.

Tobias: (surprised) What?

Lindsay: You look very handsome today.

Tobias: (smiles) Thank you, Lindsay.

Lindsay goes in the bathroom, closing the door.

Narrator: And Michael finally got to show his father who’s boss.

Orange County Prison

George, Sr.: You what?!

Michael: (eating an ice-cream sandwicth and smiling with delight) Burned it right down to the ground.

George, Sr.: Are you crazy?! There was money in that banana stand!

Michael: (still smiling) Well, it’s all gone now, Dad, and it was my decision. So next time you want to have a little power struggle, just remember that you’re playing with fire.

George, Sr.: There was $250,000 lining the walls of the banana stand.

Michael: What?

George, Sr.: Cash, Michael!

Michael: Why didn’t you tell me that?

George, Sr.: How much clearer can I say: (stands, pulls Michael up grabbing him by his shirt, shouts in his face) "THERE'S ALWAYS MONEY IN THE BANANA STAND!"

Guard: No touching!

George, Sr.: (takes his hands off Michael and puts them up in the air quickly) No touching!

Guard: No touching!

George, Sr.: No touching!

Guard: No touching!

George, Sr.: No touching!

End of episode.

Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, G.O.B. protests the pet stores frozen-dove exchange policy...

G.O.B. is back at the beach holding the frozen dove.

G.O.B.: Return from whence you came! (hurls it into the sea)

Narrator: ... and Michael, realizing the banana stand is the only profitable part of the Bluth Empire, decides to rebuild.

Michael is hammering the boards of a new banana stand.

G.O.B.: (approaches in his Segway) Couldn’t have called me? I can’t swing a hammer?

Without a word, Michael offers him the hammer.

G.O.B.: I got a rabbit to buy. (goes away and Michael goes back to work)

On-screen title: one week later

Now used to it, G.O.B. just drops a dead rabbit into the ocean, turns and walks away.

END.