Prologue.
Scenes from last episodes (including season 1)
AMB is in her living room.
AMB is hearing her theme song, then it scratches, she kicks some cushions, she hears it again, it scratches again, she throws more cushions, one of which is caught by RR coming in.
AMB: Hey ! Hey Renee, nice block !
RR: What's wrong ?
AMB: Nothing's wrong ! What ? I can't kick a damn cushion ? That's what they make them soft for, you know, so they'll be (she kicks a cushion) kick-able !
RR: That's an expensive cushion, I paid for half of it, if you want to kick...
AMB: It's a Thanksgiving ritual, OK ?
RR: A what ?
AMB: Thanksgiving ! It's my favorite holiday ! It's the time that we get to take a moment and sit back and reflect on everything we have to be thankful for, and I honor it by kicking cushions ! (she kicks another one) Thanks, for having a full life. (she kicks another one) Thanks for having somebody to love. (she kicks harder) Thanks for (kicking) getting to get up every day and getting to be a lawyer. Thanks for not wanting a man, thank you for not needing one ! Thanks for all the millions and millions of awful men that I don't need and I don't want ! Thanks (pulling her hair out) for not having my back tickled in so long that I don't even remember what it feels like ! Thank you for Thanksgiving and knowing that Christmas come next !
Credits.
RF's office. RF is walking behind LW, who is playing with a Rubik's cube.
RF: Sweetheart !
LW: Please don't call me that ! I'm not sweet !
RF: Darling ?
LW: And not that either. Ever !
RF: Well, we have exchanged affection, can I call you anything besides Ling ?
LW: Sugar. Or honey, pumpkin, anything food. You can call me food.
RF: Honey, I know this lawsuit's important to you, they all are, but...
LW: I hope you're not about to suggest I drop it !
RF: Well, pork chop, it's just it's nice to harbor some hope of victory when you go into a courtroom, and...
LW: He harassed me. You can prove it if you're good lawyers.
RF: Yes... What if we settle ?
LW: What are they offering ?
RF: Nothing now, but I think we can work them up to an apology.
LW: No ! We sue !
RF: Butter cup...
LW: No ! (she storms out of the office, leaving him with the Rubik cube. He is amazed that she has done it)
The unisex. AMB and BT, GT are very upset.
AMB: How do we walk into a court room...
GT: To say that...
BT: It is a joke ! (they hear a flush)
RF (getting out of a stall): Hold down, quiet ! Let me ignore you one at a time !
AMB: This is ridiculous, Richard, ridiculous cases are supposed to go to Georgia !
GT: What ?
AMB: I'm agreeing with you, he does always saddle you up, this is your niche.
GT: Funny !
RF: Georgia's second chair, if you saddle...
BT: At some point we're gonna have to draw the line, I know she smells fresh, I know you want to sleep with her...
GT and AMB (seeing LW entering the unisex): Ling !
LW: Have you been taking my cases because you want to sleep with me ?
RF: Bacon bits, I'm nice to you because I want to sleep with you, I kissed you because I want to sleep with you, but taking your cases, I do that because you're wealthy and a potential cash cow for the firm to milk in perpetuity ! (he tries to touch her but she slaps his hands).
AMB (getting closer to them): Ling, suing a man because you think he's having sexual thoughts, with no action on his part...
LW: I thought you and I were friends.
AMB (laughing uncontrollably): Friends.. well, we are.
LW: You're a mean and spiteful group. Where is Nelle ? I need comfort. (she leaves)
AMB (to RF): She needs comfort.
RF: Yeah.
Cage & Fish. AMB and RR entering AMB's office.
AMB: Bowling ?
RR: It's a date !
AMB: Bowling ?
RR: Date !
AMB: What kind of a guy do you meet in a bowling alley ?
RR: Ben says he's cute, plus, you know... desperate !
AMB: Oh, he's desperate !
RR: You are ! It's three days before Thanksgiving, and you're looking for something to be grateful for.
AMB: Nobody ever met anybody any good bowling ! (RR grabs her ear and pulls it) Ah !
RR: We're going bowling. (she lets go)
Conference room at Cage & Fish.
GT: When you take the stand, it's important that you seem sympathetic. Do you think that's... within your range ? (LW growls) Also, the part about you being a little psychic, that's obviously gonna be a hurdle.
LW: I'm only penile psychic, I can tell when a man is thinking with his unit.
GT: Yes...
LW: Can't you ?
GT: Umm, some times.
LW: Look, if they went for summary judgment we never even go before a jury.
GT: So ?
LW: So, right now, my being sympathetic is moot !
GT: But it's never too early to start practicing.
LW (getting up): I need Nelle.
Upstairs at Cage & Fish. NP is going up the stairs, with her hair down, wearing a tight black skirt, a tight white shirt and a red tie.
NP: John ?
JC: Nelle, hello ! (he looks her up)
NP: Listen, umm... Oh, you like my outfit.
JC: Well, yes.
NP: Ling ! She designs clothes as a hobby. She's great, actually. This one is called the steward.
JC: The steward ?
NP: Flight attendant. Men go for it, though, I don't know why. Anyway, can we go out ?
JC: I beg your pardon ?
NP: I'm beginning to really like you. Can we just go out on a real date, with a beginning, and an end ? (JC's nose starts to whistle) I know you'd still prefer to covet me from afar, but it's driving me a little crazy. (JC can not speak) Just whistle once for yes. (he does) Great ! (she leaves)
EV entering the conference room, with a thick pile of files in her hands. AMB and GT are there. EV looks 8 months pregnant.
EV: Here's the file for summary judgment, pleadings, and depositions. This empty folder is the supporting case law. (
noticing AMB and GT looking at her) What ?
AMB: We know there's a story, but we don't want to ask.
EV: It's a pregnancy dress, I invented it. Soft like velvet, it's very comfortable.
GT: Why ?
EV: Pregnant women get certain allowances. You're grocery shopping, full cart, but you need to use the express check out. It's OK. Speeding tickets : there's an inside water packet, you can break it and make it look like the real thing. In a pinch you may even use the handicapped parking. I'm getting a patent.
AMB: Georgia, could I have a sec ?
GT: Sure (she leaves the room)
AMB (sitting down): What's going on ?
EV (sitting down like a pregnant woman): What do you mean ?
AMB: What's with the dress Elaine, you're looking to be noticed again, tell me. Tell me.
EV: George dumped me.
AMB (on a happy tone): He did ? Umm, I mean, (sappy tone) he did ? Are you OK ?
EV: Oh, yeah. It's not that I loved him, or... I'm really fine with it, actually, in fact, I was losing interest. I mean, he really did me a favor, actually, 'cause you know how hard it is to tell someone that... I'm glad that he has taken me off the hook.
AMB: You're lying.
EV: I am fine. I will be fine. It's just... Thanksgiving. I hate being alone on Thanksgiving. It makes it hard to eat the turkey because you feel like one.
AMB: Yeah. Hey, come over to my house Thursday, we'll watch football, we'll throw some cushions...
EV (very touched): Ally ! George told me everything, about how he felt for you and how you wouldn't see him out of loyalty for me, and well, on Thursday, I'll be giving thanks that you're my friend.
AMB: Same here. (they hug)
EV: Oh, you and I, we'll probably never look like this for real, umm ?
AMB: Oh, you never can tell, Elaine. (the water packet of the dress breaks)
EV: Oho, excuse me. Oh, oho !
Court room. Ling's case. AMB and Attorney in front of the judge.
PW: First of all, he works for her. That means we'll have an employer suing an employee for sexual harassment. And second, he didn't do anything. He's being sued for his thoughts. (
AMB looks at him seductively - He notices and that disturbs his speech - Every time he looks directly at her, she looks away) Now, I know that George Orwell would be thrilled at this idea, but I think even he wouldn't have imagined that we'd come to a point where... (
AMB is looking at him again) where people could be sued for their thoughts.
Judge: I have to say, Miss McBeal, that this is... pretty out there. Miss McBeal ?
AMB: Sorry ?
Judge: Would you like to focus on the case ?
AMB: Oh, sure. First, there's no case law that says an employer can't sue an employee, the issue is simply does the conduct of the defendant result in an hostile work environment for the plaintiff, who works for whom doesn't matter. Second, I suspect that Mister Wells feels that ... (giggles) that I'm interested in him. You might think so too Your Honor, well, maybe I could have been more subtle.
Judge: Perhaps.
AMB (doing as she describes): Where do you think that line should be ? I mean here I didn't say anything, I just gave him a look. Now I could give him this look... or I could just smile softly... or I could just look up a little with my head down... or I could just send the slightest almost undetectable signal, my own little I want to sleep with you glance that he alone can read... I want it, right here, right now, rough. (the judge takes a sip of water).
Cage & Fish offices. AMB, BT, RF and GT walking in the corridor.
BT: You won ?
AMB: Just summary judgment.
BT: But still !
RF: I knew you could do it. From now on Georgia, I see you naked without a say.
RF: Thank you Richard, but she did it.
RF: Where's Ling ?
AMB (stopping walking): She's not here ?
GT: We go over testimony, she's first dep' this afternoon ! She said she'd be here !
NP (coming up behind them) : Oh, I saw her going to Ally's office with Elaine. (they all look at her outfit - se strikes a pose like she's carrying a tray) Cream and sugar ? (she smiles and leaves - RF and BT look at her, GT and AMB punch them)
Ally's office. LW is wearing a red neck brace. EV is screwing something on it.
LW: Ah ! Stop tightening !
(AMB and GT come in)
GT: What are you doing ?
EV: I'm making her look sympathetic for the jury. I think this should do it. But I also have a snap on cast just in case.
AMB: Elaine ! You can fake an injury, it's the equivalent of false testimony, plus there's not enough plaster on the planet !
LW: Excuse me ?
AMB: Just take it off, that's stupid !
EV: A trial is all about presentation !
AMB: Now !
EV: This is the way she treats the pregnant ! (she takes the neck brace off LW and leaves)
LW: Ouh !
JC's office. BT comes in to drop a file on the desk, and as he leaves, he notices JC sitting in the floor behind the door.
BT: John.
JC: Billy.
BT: How is it going ?
JC: Fine. Thank you.
BT: Everything all right ?
JC: I'm at a precipice.
BT: Feel like talking about it ? (he closes the door and sits down next to JC) Is it... Stefan ?
JC: Well, it's really not Stefan. No, it's Nelle. But the loss of Stefan, I think, maybe left me with a void I'm trying to fill.
BT: Are you and Nelle... ?
JC: She wants to go out on a date for real. As much as I prefer to covet from afar, I have a glandular pulse...
BT: What's the conflict ?
JC: I can't see myself with her, not in the long-term. But the idea of short-term flirtation, that draws me. Tah.. I'm worried. While it might be fun for her, it could be dangerous for me.
BT: And you think you might fall in love with her. Worse things can happen.
JC: Suppose I did... fall in love. Now it would be very hard to work in the same office with her. The law would preclude removing her from the office. On the other hand... It's probably not wise to sit in a corner all my life. Honest answer Billy. Could you see the two of us working out ?
BT (after a pause): No.
Court room. LW is testifying. GT is examining.
LW: Most of the times it would just be full vertical scanning.
GT: Full vertical scanning ?
LW: Yes, his eyes would start at my ankles, they'd slowly troll up my legs, hesitating briefly at my calves before proceeding to my buttocks, where he'd again pause. He'd then go up the torso, over my head, then down the back over my soft flowing hair, eventually resting once again on my buttocks. He'd usually close with a squint and slight purse of lips. (she does it)
GT: And how often did he do this ?
LW: Whenever I walked out into the plant. Eventually I became too unnerved to go into the warehouse for fear of sexual augment. And I'm the manager. I have to go into the warehouse.
GT: But Mister Witton worked for you. Why didn't you terminate his employment ?
LW: I couldn't. He's Union.(cut to later)
AMB: The question we're asking, what's the harm in having a man look at you ? I kinda like it.
LW: You like it when it's the right man, when it's a gross pig, it gives you nightmares.
AMB: You have nightmares ?
LW: I would visualize what he was thinking, this overweight un-bathed person, sweating on top of me.
PW: Objection !
LW: He thought those things, just ask him !
AMB: What else would Mister Witton do, besides... think ?
LW: He would call me by my name, Woo. Except he'd say it soft. Woo... Like post coital... Pheew... It repulsed me.
The unisex. BT comes in. NP is already there.
BT: Hey !
NP: Hey !
BT (after having looked under the stalls): This is probably none of my business.
NP: Then the discussion should end there, shouldn't it ?
BT: John Cage is kinda vulnerable guy. I think you know that, and in truth I was pretty impressed when you gave him the frog, (NP is putting lipstick on) but I would hope you wouldn't date him either out of curiosity or sport. (they hear a flush, BT is looking under again, worried)
NP: He gave him his spare flusher. If you were so afraid he might have overheard what you were just saying, chances are, you weren't being loyal to him by saying it. (she leaves)
Court room. Attorney Parker Wells is cross-examining.
PW: And he's never said anything to you ?
LW: He says hello, good morning, things like that, but he uses lascivious tones !
PW: He says hello in a lascivious tone ?
LW: Yes. And shoots me groin motivated looks.
PW: Umm umm. Miss Woo, could it be possible that you might be imagining these things.
LW: I never considered that, but let me. No.
PW: And he's never done anything to you besides look at you ?
LW: That's right.
PW: And these looks, were they so overt that other people saw them ?
LW: Even if others had, so what ? They're all Union, they stick together.
PW: I see. Now, Miss Woo, I don't mean to be insulting, but your attire at work, could it be construed as perhaps provocative ?
LW: I like to say contemporary but I certainly don't dress to incur the vile depraved thoughts your client keeps having.
PW: Your Honor ?
Judge: Sustained. Miss Woo, if it's a yes or no question, yes or no will do.
LW: I'm sorry.
PW: Now have you ever sought any psychiatric or medical treatment as a result of the emotional injuries you claim to have ?
LW: I should have, I suppose, but I was brought up to not impose my pain on others. I've decided to sue not so much for my healing but so as to prevent him from harming future victims. To think that other young women could be objectified and reduced, and to know that I could have done something about it but didn't...
PW: Your Honor !
Judge: Once again, for the yes or no questions...
JC's office.
JC is alone, dancing with a wooden hand to the tune "Gimme that thing" (the same when he lost Stefan). He drops the hand next to the door, goes to pick it up when NP enters the office and he bumps his head on the door. The music scratches.
NP: You're ready ?
JC: Yes. (he takes his jacket) If you don't mind, I prefer going down to the bar downstairs, I just feel more comfortable there.
NP: OK. (they leave - JC still has the wooden hand in his hand, notices when he closes the door, and throws it in the office).
Bowling alley.
AMB (
trying to find a bowling ball that fits her fingers): I'm telling you, as hostile as she was, I think the jury sort of liked her. There's something about Ling... (
she drops the ball)
RR: Watch it !
AMB: The ball holes are too big !
RR: No your fingers are too little.
AMB: Don't they make little balls for little fingers ?
RR: Here come the guys. (to Ben - we can not see the man behind him yet) Ready to knock down a few pins ?
Ben: I'm all set !
RR: Ally, you remember Ben ?
AMB: Yeah, hi !
Ben (moving aside): And this is Wallace Pike. Wally, Ally.
WP: Hello.
AMB (imagining herself running like the Bip-bip): It's nice to meet you.
WP: May I offer you something to drink ?
AMB: Maybe later, I have to find a ball that fits. Renee, could you help me ?
RR: Yeah sure (she drags Ben along letting WP all alone)
The bar downstairs. RF and LW are dancing a slow dance.
LW: It's hard to dance, I'm a little wrought.
RF: I was thinking, after this is over, maybe you can take a little time off from suing people.
LW: In which case, how would you milk me ?
RF: Did you just make a joke ? (they laugh and dance)
(cut to JC and NP at the bar)
JC: You're not having a good time, are you ?
NP: I am. I would like to get you out of this cocoon some time. Are you afraid of me ?
JC: Well, a little.
Sean (quite good looking man, to NP, turning his back to JC): Hi.
NP: Hi.
Sean: I've seen you in here a few times. You work in the building ?
NP: I do, actually.
Sean: My name is Shawn.
NP: Hi Shawn, I'm Nelle and this is my date, John.
Sean (turning around and shaking JC's hand): Shawn.
JC: Hello.
Sean: Well, good to meet you both (he leaves)
NP: So, we gonna dance ?
JC: Actually I'm a little beat. If you don't mind, can we cut this a little short ?
NP: Oh. Sure ! (he leaves)
(cut to GT and BT at a table drinking, BT not looking happy).
Bowling Alley. AMB is bowling and the ball falls behind her before she gets a chance to throw.
AMB: Ball holes are too big, damn it ! Does that one count ?
Ben: Maybe we should just go dancing.
AMB: No !
WP: I'm an excellent dancer.
AMB: No, I love bowling. Bowling is more fun than dancing, isn't it Wallace ?
SM: Excuse me miss, I couldn't help but notice, the balls are far too big for you.
AMB: Oh, the ball holes, yeah.
SM: My name is Seymore Morton, my wife and I bowled here, every Wednesday night for thirty six years. She died, three Decembers ago.
RR (to Ben): He's as funny as Wally.
AMB: I'm sorry to hear that.
SM: I bowl alone now. I bring her bowl in memory. She too had little hands. You may use it.
AMB: Oh, no, no, no, I couldn't.
SM: It would make her happy to know that somebody enjoyed it. We met in this alley.
WP: Her name is Ally, isn't that ironic ?
SM: Please, see if it fits.
AMB: Whoa ! Finally a snug fit ! Well, here goes. (she goes with the ball, her hand is stuck)
Taxi cab in Boston. JC and NP.
NP: This left here, that's fourteen twelve.
TD: You got it ma'am.
NP (to JC): Lousy time, umm ?
JC: No, no, I'll see you tomorrow, I'm sorry I was so beat.
NP: Yeah. (she kisses him on the cheek) Good night. (she gets out).
Emergency room. Ben, RR, SM:, WP and AMB are in chairs, a doctor is with them.
DH: Can you turn them at all ?
AMB: No !
WP: Fingers swell during the menstrual cycle. Are you menstruating ?
RR: You are just a walking HBO special, Wally, anybody ever told you that ?
Ben: All right !
AMB: I've had a lot of salt lately, so my fingers could be swollen.
DH: Well, you could wait, but if they swell more, you could risk circulation.
SM: Can't you wait, Ally, please ?
AMB: Well, the thing is I'm in trial tomorrow morning, I can't go into court wearing a bowling ball !
RR: Cut it off !
SM: No please, miss Ally ! I approached you because something about you spoke to me. Maybe the kindness of your soul. This ball is my most treasured possession !
WP: We'll get through this.
(AMB puts her head on the ball in despair)
Cage & Fish. RF, BT, GT, LW, EV and AMB, still wearing the bowling ball.
RF: What do you mean it's stuck ?
AMB: I mean, it's stuck ! It won't come off !
BT: You can't go into court attached to a bowling ball.
AMB: Well, what else am I gonna do, it's the guy's dead wife's, this.. whoa (she almost falls over under the weight of the ball, GT and EV catch her) Whoa ! This is all he has left of her.
LW: Every time a case goes well you sabotage it.
RF: Georgia, can you step in ?
GT: Well, Ally's prepared the next witness.
LW: Where is Nelle ? I need Nelle, I'm fraught !
RF: Kumquat...
LW: I'm told my case is borderline to begin with, she's gonna argue with a bowling ball ?
AMB: I was gonna try to hide it under a longer skirt, but...
EV: Maybe you can use my pregnant dress ?
All together: Quiet !
BT: All right, look, you can explain it to the judge, and the jury, who knows ? Maybe they'll find it endearing !
WP (coming in): Ally ! I worried all night.
LW: Who are you ?
AMB: Oh, Wally, I'm fine, thank you.
WP: I brought these (he hands her a bouquet of red roses)
AMB (fake giggle): Aha ! You shouldn't have. Elaine, take it, my hand.
EV: Sure (she tales them).
AMB: Well, Georgia, we gotta get to court. Let's go. Bye Wally and thanks. Elaine, in my office ! (they go and AMB pushes the door closed with her foot since she has the ball on one hand supported by the other hand carrying her briefcase) Fifty dollar raise if you get rid of him.
EV: Just tell him you don't want to go out with him !
AMB: I did ! He keeps saying that all his relationships come through perseverance. And he keeps saying that every knock is a boost !
EV: So boost him down the stairwell.
AMB: Elaine !
EV: It's Thanksgiving week. He's got a pulse. Doesn't he beat being alone ?
AMB: Does he look like he beats being alone ?
WP (through the door, singing): You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray... You'll never know, dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away...
AMB: What the hell is that ?
EV: He's serenading you ! He's a romantic !
AMB: Why don't you take him, you're on the rebound !
EV: That wasn't nice.
AMB: I'm sorry... I didn't mean to... (she opens the door and peaks through) Wally ! (he stops singing - she closes the door again) That was a mean thing for me to say, and I... (the ball drops on her foot) Damn it ! Damn it ! Damn it ! Damn it ! Damn it ! Damn it ! Damn it ! Damn it ! Damn.... it !
RF and BT enter JC's office. He has Millie on his nose.
RF: John. John, you got the biggest bugger... Sorry, it's a frog. Bygones.
JC: Did you need something ?
BT: At the bar, sitting at my table, I couldn't help but noticing...
RF: Cause he was spying.
BT: Actually, this guy come up, did Nelle start up with him or...?
JC: No, but the thing you have to realize about Nelle is... that she's standing right behind you.
RF (turning around): Nelle ! How is it going ? We were just reviewing your date. Any thoughts ?
NP: How about what's between me and John is between me and John ?
RF (laughs): Seriously.
NP (coming over the desk and talking to JC): If you want to tell them what's going on, go ahead. But at some point I'd appreciate you telling me. (she leaves)
RF: Unbelievable legs.
JC: I'd like to be left alone if you don't mind.
RF: Billy, go (they both go)
LW, AMB and GT are going out of the elevator at Cage & Fish.
LW: I can sue you both !
GT: I'm sure you will !
LW: Talk about malpractice !
RF: What's going on ?
GT: Ask her !
RF: Soy bean ?
LW: We lost ! Directed verdict !
RF: What ?
LW: Yes the judge said "I don't need to hear you, I've heard the other side", an he kicked it !
RF: Well, Ling, we prepared you, sexually harassing thoughts... There's no doubt the law will get there, it's just... this is a drawback of being ahead of your time... After Ben Franklin, you know... (she pushes him aside and leaves)
JC entering NP's office.
JC: I left my frog run free. He ended up getting flushed in the toilet, I don't want my hope to meet the same fate.
NP: You're afraid you'll get hurt.
JC: When that man approached you last night, that... that must happen all the time with you, with princes though, not just frogs !
NP: Can we get off the frog thing, you know how I hate frogs !
JC: You're a beautiful woman, and smart, anything and everything that you want in a man, those choices are there for you.
NP: John, do you know what most men are like ?
JC: Yes, and I'm not totally insecure, I think I measure up well against most men. But whatever you're drawn to in me, somewhere out there those qualities do exist in a more attractive package.
NP: Well, I haven't met him.
JC: But you probably will Nelle, and you won't even have to go looking for him. Cause those men they're out there looking for you ! And sooner or later, you will be found.
NP: John, whether you and I are a match, who knows. The truth is, I'm losing interest as we speak, because I'm not drawn to victims. But if you think that I'm the type of person who would just be swept up by an attractive package, why would you be interested in me ? Look, I suspect all your friends are telling you to play it safe, so, do that ! If it works for you. (JC leaves)
BT and GT enter the unisex.
GT: Three years of law school, five more in practice, all to end up a ball girl !
BT: You gotta admit it's a little funny.
GT: I don't feel funny.
JC (coming out of a stall and bumping into BT): Oh ! I apologize.
BT: No problem. (GT leaves on a cue from BT) John, what you asked me the other night...
JC: Forget it !
BT: I just...
JC: Forget it !
BT: I got something to say, damn it, let me say it ! (JC puts on his smile from his smile therapy) The whole negative thing about you and Nelle, I think part of me was thinking there's too much office soap operas as it is, the partner associate thing, the law, complications... Truth is, I don't know whether you and Nelle could work out, maybe it could. Under the shell, she may be OK, and, well, you know her better than me. Is she a good person ?
JC: I think so, the main thing is, she's standing right behind you.
BT (he turns around): Do you just sneak up on people ? (he leaves)
NP: Everybody knows everybody's business here, don't they ?
JC: Yes. I would apologize for my behavior, but I fear I would sound like a victim.
NP: Oh. I see. (JC hears Barry White and starts to move) John, do you hear Barry White ?
JC: Yes, how could you tell ? (they go over the direction of the sound and open a stall where EV is sitting there with a boom box playing Barry White - NP stops the music)
EV: I was just trying to set the mood.
NP: Ling's right ! You're nuts ! (she leaves)
JC: Elaine ! Unacceptable !
EV: I was just trying...
JC: No !
EV: Look, pull my arm. Just pull it, A good hard pull. (he does and she swirls into his arm) Pull it again. (they do it again, she's now face to face with him, very close) It's all you have to do. Take her. Ask her to dance, take her. That's what we want. (she leaves).
BT's office. NP storms in.
NP: You got a minute ? (
not leaving him time to answer) Good ! (
she closes the door) The thing I hate most about guys, is how they won't look at a woman unless she's beautiful.
BT: Oh, gee, now I really feel sorry for you there.
NP: I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me, but nobody's asking you to feel sorry for John Cage either !
BT: I'm not feeling sorry for John !
NP: It's bad enough you attach everything to looks, but when you presume I do, I don't like it. And believe it or not, I like the guy. How about that ? (she leaves)
Lobby.
EV: Ally, more flowers from Wallace.
AMB (discouraged): Oh, great !
BT (getting out of his office): Hey, nice flowers, who from ?
AMB: Oh, the most boring man on Earth. (EV hands her a card) Oh, persistence is the first virtue of love, what the hell does that mean ?
BT: It means he's not giving up.
EV (after answering the phone): He may not be giving up but he's coming up. (to the phone) Thank you.
AMB: Excuse me ?
EV: He's on the elevator.
AMB: Georgia ! In my office ! (to EV) Just bring him in !
The bar - Daytime. LW and NP at the bar.
LW: It's a problem being beautiful, Nelle. It's only the handsome men who ask us out because they're the only ones who think they have a chance. And handsome men are dulls. Life is unfair to us.
NP: I see.
LW: At some point we have to face a certain reality. Despite all the good that the world seems to offer, true happiness can only be found in one thing.
NP: Which is ?
LW: Shopping.
Wallace enters Cage & Fish and goes over EV's desk.
WP: Is she here ?
EV: Well, she is, but... Oh, all right. (she gets up and goes to open the door - AMB and GT are kissing)
AMB: Umm, oh
GT (leaving): Excuse me.
AMB: Wally, hi ! (he leaves)
EV: Success ! Ding dong, the bore is gone !
GT (coming back in): You owe me big time for that !
AMB: Oh, I don't know about that Georgia, what was with the tongue ?
GT: I didn't give you tongue !
AMB: I felt it !
GT: Oh, you wish !
AMB: I got a little flitter.
EV: Umm, umm.
GT: I didn't give you tongue ! (she leaves)
EV enters JC's office, where he is practicing his pull.
EV: Excellent !
JC: I really wish you'd knock !
EV: You just take her, you're gonna be great. (she puts something in his desk, then notices he looks at her) What ?
JC: How do you always stay so cheerful ?
EV: Sorry ?
JC: Isn't it hard, for you, being alone ?
EV: How did you know that I was alone ? Did Ally tell you I was dumped ?
JC (embarrassed): No, I...
EV (sadly): You just assumed.
JC: Don't you get lonely, Elaine, ever ?
EV: I've never spent an un-lonely day in my life.
JC: But you always seem so happy.EV: Well, happy is easy. You act happy, people see you as happy, and you see yourself through their eyes, you feel happy. It doesn't work for lonely... But happy's easy.
AMB's office. She bends to pick up some papers, and when she gets up, WP is at the door and startles her.
AMB: Wally ! Hey, how are you ? (shouting) Georgia honey, I'll be right out !
WP: If you like women, why did you go out on a date ?
AMB: Well, denial. (shouting) Baby cakes !
WP: So you went out on a date because you want to change ?
AMB: Well, I, I,...
LW (coming at the door): Did you call me, I heard someone yell food ?
AMB: No Ling, I didn't call you.
LW: Why did the annoying little man return ?
AMB: Ling ! (LW leaves) Sorry.
WP: Lesbians can change. I had some scriptures on my car, if you'd like. (he hands her some book)
AMB: Wally, thank you, I can't wait to start reading.
WP: I don't believe in homosexuality. So this has to be good bye for us.
AMB: Oh ! Bugger !
WP: But I'll pray for you.
AMB: That's a start. (he leaves)
The bar downstairs. Vonda is singing "You never can tell" (from Pulp Fiction).
AMB, NP, RR, and EV at a table. RF and LW dancing.
RR: You kissed her ?
AMB: I had to ! I had to get rid of Wally ! (sees the look on RR's face) Well, it was pretend ! She was pretty good. She can kiss.
RR: She can ?
AMB: Yeah...
NP: Have you ever fantasized about kissing a woman for real ?
AMB: What ?
NP: Just to see ! Have you never thought about it ? What it would be like ?
AMB: Well, umm, maybe. Once. Have you ?
NP: Never !
JC (coming over at their table): Nelle, would you like to dance ?
NP: Well...
JC: Let's go ! (they leave)
RR (spotting RF and LW on the dance floor): Ling got over her big loss ?
AMB: I think she prefers to lose, in winning there's nobody to blame.
RR: Well, she looks happy. (they actually look like they're having a lot of fun)
(EV is encouraging silently JC to do the pull, he does, and NP falls down)
JC: Are you all right ?
NP: Well, yeah. (she gets up and they go on dancing)
RR: Well, if you can kiss Georgia, you can dance with me.
AMB: Let's go baby... (to EV) A little three-way ?
EV: Oh, I'm in ! (the three of them get up and go dancing)
Different cuts of them dancing, BT and GT, RF and LW, JC and NP, and EV, AMB and RR.
End Credits.